A Mexican actor died while performing stunts for a movie.

During the funeral, his mother walks towards the director and says,

"Jesus died for your scenes."

The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.

They're the Tolkien white guys.

Some famous actors decide to make a movie about classical musicians

They immediately begin to claim roles.

Robert Downey, Jr. says “I’ll be Mozart.”

Nicolas Cage says “I’ll be Beethoven.”

Arnold Schwarzenegger says “I’ll be Bach!”

Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?

Rigor Mortissen

Did you hear about the actor who only won an award because of the Italian mafia?

It turns out they really know how to rig a Tony.

An aspiring actor turned thief has broken into Sydney Opera House.

Sources say he stole the spotlight.

Dan is an aspiring actor who has recently been feelimg down.

He's done audition after countless audition, but has never managed to get a role. One day, as he's looking for another job, about to give up, he gets a call from his manager.

"Hello," Dan says.

"Hey," said Dan's agent, "I just managed to get you cast in a play. It's really last minute,...

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An actor was playing the role of Macbeth

And he was delivering his soliloquy so poorly that the audience began to boo him loudly. Halfway through, the actor stopped and yelled "Give me a break! I'm just an actor, I didn't write this crap!"

Does anybody know which actor played Forrest Gump?

Thanks

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Wait, what was my line again??

An out-of-work actor gets a call from his agent one day. "I’ve got you a job," says his agent. "That’s great," says the actor, what is it?" "Well," says his agent, "it’s a one-liner" "That’s okay," replies the actor, "I’ve been out of work for so long I’ll take anything. What’s the line?" "Hark, I h...

I've been holding auditions for actors to play a new Fantastic Four team this afternoon...

... it's so stressful.

It's just been one Thing after another.

What do you call an actor preparing for a role as a drug addict?

A meth-head actor

Actor Hugh Laurie was so fond of the works of Samuel Beckett that he once devoured an entire anthology of his poetry.

Hugh felt that he deserved to be a poet Laurie ate.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

This literally the first joke with curse words that I remember knowing.

The boy who didn’t know curse words

There was a boy who didn’t know curse words and it was thanksgiving day. He comes out of his room and sits down with his sister. She is watching a reality show, the actress on the show calls out the actor “you dick” the little boy never hearing that word b...

Did you hear about the actor that fell through the floor boards?

He was just going through a stage.

My friend got hired off the street to be in pain reliever commercials

At the time he was just a regular guy, but now he’s an aspirin actor.

Moishe the actor

Moishe, a Jewish actor, is so down and out, he's ready to take any acting gig that
he can find. Finally, he gets a lead, a classified ad that says, "Actor Needed To Play
An Ape." "I could do that," says Moishe.
To his surprise, the employer turns out to be the Central Park Zoo in New Yor...

What do an actor and a person with Alzheimer’s have in common?

They both act like it’s the first time they’ve had this conversation.

Why do we tell actors to break a leg.

Because every play has a cast

Sadly, the voice actor of Tony the Tiger has passed away

His last words: "I don't feel GRRRREAT!"

There are actors called Tom Holland and Tom Hollander

I can only deduce from this that there are also actors called Tom Holland With A Vengeance, Live Free or Tom Holland & A Good Day To Tom Holland.

What do you call an actor that spent all his money on condoms?

Johnny Debt.

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked i an interview

Journo. "You have been so successful as an actor...."

Arnold ,"yes i was the Terminator"

Journo. "and as a governor!"

Arnold ,"yes i was the Governator!!"

Journo. "well, the Europeans need a leader like you, how about it?

Arnold ,""No , then I will be known as the ...

Did you hear about that movie star that did hard drugs for an entire year to play an addict in a film?

He's a meth-head actor

Why did the actor in the prescription drug commercial cross the road?

To get to the other side effects.

What's the difference between an actor and useless glue?

One is Brad Pitt

The other is bad Pritt

I can't even picture my favorite actor going to jail now.

But if he does, he'll have to change his name to Morgan Man.

Did you hear about the Hollywood actor who murdered her husband?

"Her name was Reece someone"

"Do you mean Reece Witherspoon?"

"No, no it was with a knife!"

Silent Actor

**Young Actor:** "Dad, guess what? I've just got my first part in a play. I play the part of a man who's been married for 30 years."

**Father:** "Well, keep at it, son. Maybe one day you'll get a speaking part."

Where do James Bond Actors go when they die?

00Heaven

The 'punch' line

There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.

The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carryin...

That World Series game was so long...

When it started Kevin Spacey was still a respected actor.

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This guy wants to be an actor

Even though he is quite talented, his weird name is getting on his way.

No talent hunter will give him a chance. He is very proud of his name and is not willing to change any of it: Penis Wagon Lesbian.

He will not use a stage name either.

Years go by without him getting any ro...

I recently took a class on acting and it made me believe that it is not possible to become a successful actor without proper training.

You can't become the next Brad Pitt just by jumping in your car and driving to Hollywood

My dad always said

" First rule of theater is always leave them wanting more"

Good actor, bad anesthesiologist.

Two cannibals are eating an actor

One turns to the other and says "Tastes pretty overdone to me"

What do actors do when they make a mistake?

They react.

The Chancellor of Germany, Prince Harry's wife, and the actor who played Gollum should set up an emporium of pubic wigs in Sarkel, Russia

...and call it "Merkel, Markle and Serkis' Sarkel Merkin Circus"

When I was a little boy

everyone laughed at me for wanting to be a stand up comedy actor. So I became one and no one is laughing now.

An actor had been struggling to find work . . .

He would get repeatedly rejected from every audition. One day he tried out for a role as a vampire. The casting director told him he had never seen anyone suck so bad.

Kevin Spacey is no longer going to be an actor. He's going to teach guitar.

Be cause he's good at fingering A Minor.

A washed up actor hasn't gotten a job in years...

... He has lost his ability to remember lines. But after looking for work for a very long time, finally he gets the lead role in a Broadway musical.

When he arrives at the theater the director tells him, "You have the most important part, but you only have one line. You walk onto stage with a...

Sir Roger Moore, prominent James bond actor has passed away

His family say that they are shaken.... but not stirred

What do you call a blonde actor with a long neck?

Charlize Heron

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The most difficult actors to work with are children and animals

Especially in pornography

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[OC] A notoriously bad stage actor died recently.

The vehicle carrying his casket broke down on the way to the funeral, allowing his critics, for one last time, to state that he needed to rehearse.

Who is Logan Paul’s favourite actor?

Crisp Rat

What did The Rock go by after he became a washed up actor?

The Sediment

My life as an actor is finally paying off!

The other guys insurance company isn't too happy about it though.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Once upon a time there was a sperm named Stanley who lived inside a famous movie actor.

Stanley was a very healthy sperm. He'd do pushups and somersaults and limber himself up all the time, while the other sperm just lay around on their fat asses not doing a thing.

One day, one of them became curious enough to ask Stanley why he
exercised all day.

Stanley said,"Look, ...

Tommy Wiseau was considering casting Dumbo as a lead actor

He changed his mind because nobody would talk about the elephant in the room.

What do you call an aging actor who has finally paid off his house?

Mortgage freeman.

As an aspiring actor, I was somewhat surprised when I got detained by airport security today...

All I said was that I was in town to shoot a pilot...

What is Arnold Schwarzenegger now that he's not an actor?

An exterminator

Some actors were planning to make a movie on famous composers

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hanks were all making a movie about famous composers. Leo said, "I'd like to play Beethoven." Tom said, "I'd like to play Mozart." Arnie said "I'll be Bach"

If the actor who plays Wolverine were to reveal that he's been a con-artist his entire life....

Would that mean this has all been a huge act, man?

When actors get drunk

To play a scene where a character is drunk it's method acting



So I'm sure breaking bad must have had plenty of meth head acting

All those car commercials that say "real people, not actors"

I agree, actors aren't real people.

Three dead improv actors are told that only those who died a horrible death are allowed to enter Heaven due to overcrowding

So, the first thinks for a second and then explains to St. Peter that he got home and found his wife naked in bed in the middle of day. Suspecting adultery, he had searched their 10th floor apartment until he finally found a man hanging from the balcony by his finger nails.

Overcome with jeal...

Why was John F. Kennedy secretly a more successful actor than Ronald Reagan?

He always knew how to take the perfect headshot.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

(NSFW) you can easily get hired as a porno actor, with little-to-no experience...

Most positions are entry-level.

A South African actor walks into his managers office (original joke)

Looking for a job. His manager thinks about it and says "we only have one role available at the moment, it's a short film about segregation"
The actor replies "great, that sounds like a-part-heid take"

Chuck Norris, the actor, film producer and screenwriter died in his house today at 76 years of age

He is now feeling much better and has fully recovered from this minor annoyance

The actor of Hagrid asked me why I want his signature

I said: "I am a giant fan!"

In a videogame movie, what do you call your ideal set of actors?

Your dreamcast

I just don't know about this actor they have playing Pennywise in the new IT movie...

He's got some big shoes to fill.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A young man wants to be an actor...

...and is visiting an agent. The agent asked him all sorts of questions about what types of movies he wants to play in, his experience, and where he was from and at the end said "You sounds quite promising, I can arrange some auditions and keep you informed about whats available. What is your name?"...

Which actor is known for his brilliance at mathematics?

Add'em Sandler

Which actor is always criticising churchgoers?

Christian Slater.

What does an actor eat for breakfast?

Prop tarts.


Bonus: What does an actor eat for a snack?

A: Prop corn.

Breaking Celebrity News! Academy Award winning Actor, Simmons, and children's book Author, Rowling, eloped earlier today.

JK

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The struggling actor...

finally gets a call for a small part in a play.
The director says, "your line is: "Hark, is that a cannon I hear?"
So the excited actor practices off stage many ways to say the line until he thinks he has it just right. When his time comes, the director taps him on the shoulder and says, "you...

How many Asian-American actors does it take to change a light bulb?

None - because they would all be replaced by white actors.