What has 27 actors, three settings, two writers, and one plot?

671 Hallmark movies.

During interviews he seems like such a nice guy, but the actor who plays Wolverine is a real phoney

It’s a huge act, man..

Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?

He was just going through a stage.

(One of my favorite jokes for my cakeday)

The two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis, who played Gollum. But did you know that...

...Bilbo’s great great half uncle was a troll, and Gollum’s second cousin once removed was a troll.

They’re the troll kin white guys.

Did you hear about the cocaine addicted improv actor?

He was constantly thinking about his next line

So, This is a very famous joke from my country ,I hope to see the response

A conference for who the best actor in the world was held, Actors from all around the world came to take part in the competition.There were many qualifier rounds but then only 5 actors remained in the finals.

The final contest was decided to be a manual cow milking competition. The rules were...

Who is a deep fried rodent’s favourite actor?

Chris Pratt

When you’re too ugly to be an actor and too lazy to learn an instrument...

...you become a comedian.

Little Jewish boy Chaim an aspiring actor..

Little Chaim, an aspiring actor comes running home excitedly to his mother..

“Mom, I got a great role in the school play”

His mother beams and says, “That’s great son. What part are you playing?”

“I play the part of the Jewish father in a nice Jewish family”

His mother sm...

Some actors are famous for playing the same role in multiple movies, but none so much as Lee Navarre.

Lee Navarre had starred in a couple of low budget films like Greta's Gallery and Fisherman Flanagan, but no one really took note of him till he was seen in the first movie of the mystery series "When Midnight Chimes". As we all know, it was an instant hit and Navarre gained a lot of critical acclaim...

Steven Yeun makes Oscars history as first Asian American to be nominated for best actor.

Which is honestly disheartening because there are so many Asian American actors in the past who had performances that deserved best actor.

Like Mickey Rooney in "Breakfast at Tiffany's"

You need a lot of luck to become a stage actor.

You can't fake a Hamlet without breaking some legs

The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.

They're the Tolkien white guys.









Edit: Swigity Swoo, I got a silver from you?

Edit: Golly Gee, a gold for me?

Edit: Boo hoo, a baby snoo too?

Edit: Cowabunga Grift, I got a coin gift!

Edit: Beagle pup, here comes a bless up!

I was trying to find the actor who played Rosanne’s husband on the show

But a Goodman is hard to find

An actor arrived for his rehearsal at the theatre.

As he looked around, an incredible feeling of deja vu swept over him.

Suddenly he realised the set seemed like a weird adaption of his apartment, the actress looked like an odd version of his wife, and the director sounded like an eerie rendition of his dad.

"Uncanny!" He thought. "I...

I was watching a live performance when the floor gave way and one of the actors fell through. My wife asked if I thought they were ok.

I said I’m sure they’re fine, it’s just a stage they’re going through.

Why do we tell actors to "break a leg"?

Because every play has a cast.

Trump quits US actors' union

Makes sense, why stay with a union after quitting your career in showbusiness?

A Mexican actor died while performing stunts for a movie.

During the funeral, his mother walks towards the director and says,

"Jesus died for your scenes."

I told my actor friend to break a leg...

.....but, I'm not worried, he'll have a supporting cast.

What do you call an actor who steals cheese?

Brie Larson

To Boldly Go...

“My friend had a disastrous date last night... apparently the guy was into giving golden showers. He was a big actor, too, one of the Star Trek guys.”

“Shatner??”

“No, I think she left before he could get to that.”

Where do dead James Bond actors go when they die?

00Heaven (no disrespect meant, just remembered it now)

Hot actors are like hot ovens

It usually makes the news whenever someone puts a baby inside them.

What do you call it when an famous English actor goes on a big, long tirade?

A huge rant

What’s the name of that one eyed pirate movies actor?

Eye Patchino

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My coworker told me about his dark past as a porn actor,

He was the husband who got cheated on

Does anyone know the actor that played forest gump?

T hanks

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A porn actor calls in sick

"I can't come today"

The original actor who played Captain Kirk tried to start a Star Trek themed line of women’s lingerie.

But no one would invest in Shatner Panties.

(An oldie, but deserved a fresh posting)

A bunch of actors were getting ready to be in a movie about famous singers and they were deciding who’s gonna be who

RDJ said “I’ll be Beethoven” and Hugh Jackman said “I’ll be Freddie Mercury” and then everyone turned to Arnold Schwarzenegger said “I’ll be Bach”

Cardi B is a great actor

She acts like she can sing and people love her.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old, washed up actor was excited to get a bit part in a play.

It was a period piece, and he was playing a guard on duty, cannons would fire and he would say, "Hark! I hear the cannons roar!". On opening night he was late to get to the theater and was in a rush. As he got back stage the doorman stopped him and he said, "I'm hark, I hear the cannons roar!". "Hur...

The Actor that plays Pennywise has a security detail comprised entirely of disfigured war vets who maim mall security

Skaarsgards scarred guards scars guards

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do I, after a week of game binging, have in common with a hardcore anal porn actress/actor ?

It's a pain in the ass afterwards, and I have to learn to walk again.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the infomercial actor say after realizing he was getting fat?

Butt weight, there's more!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An actor rehearsing on stage was going on and on about the colors "No, THIS is where you illuminate the stage with sunflower yellow, and HERE is when you fade to chartreuse!" he said, tapping emphatically on the manuscript. Opening day came, and the actor found himself now fully and completely in

The lemon-limelight

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend said she was looking at ninja stars online. I told her to stop being racist.

They're just called Japanese actors.

One of my favorite actors is Mark Ruffalo, but I’ve always wondered...

How many buffalo could Mark Ruffalo buffalo, if Mark Ruffalo could buffalo buffalo?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old one my dad used to tell...

An out of work actor gets a call from his agent one day, and the agents like "good news! I got you a part in a play! It's only one line, but it's the opener and could be your big shot! Okay so the line is..

'Hark, I hear the cannons roar'..
Got that? 'Hark, I hear the cannons roar"

...

1. What do you call a fight between celebrity actors? ( more)

1. **What do you call a fight between celebrity actors?**

**Star Wars!**



**2. What do you call a man with two pieces of wood on his head?**

**Edward Woodwood!**



3. **What do you call a pig that knows karate?**
**Pork chop!**


4....

I told my wife that Will Smith is the best actor/rapper of all time.

She said that’s Ludacris

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the shitty actor with a drug problem say?

"Line?"

Mt favourite joke: Why does Edward Woodward (actor) have so many "D" 's in his name?

Because otherwise he'd be Eh-wah Woo-wah:P

Lin-Manuel Miranda has contracted Covid-19

Award-winning composer, lyricist, actor, rapper, and playwright Lin-Manuel Miranda has contracted Covid-19 after receiving a spoiled dose of the vaccine. The nurse initially refused to administer the vaccine, when she discovered that it had accidentally been left out of the refrigeration unit too lo...

It’s a little known fact that superstar actor Yul Brynner was a huge Liverpool F.C fan. He also refused to use aftershave as it made his skin come up in hives.....

Yul never wore cologne!

Hollywood marriages

TV interviewer: You were married four times: to a banker, to an actor, to a minister, and to an undertaker. Can you tell me why?

Legendary actress: Well, it was One for the money, Two for the show, Three to get ready, and Four to go!



(I'll see myself out, no need to push...)

Why do other actors hate working with Charlie Sheen?

Because he is bad with lines!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a knight who's working as a porn actor?

Sir Camelot.

The Faltering Actor

There was once an actor who did Shakespearean plays, but had aged and long past his peak! After many years, he finds himself in the Halifax Theater in Canada, where they are prepared to give him a chance.

The director says, “This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk...

Does anyone know of any actors that can help cure my lisp?

I’m pretty sure Anne Hathaway, but I’m going to ask Colin Firth.

Just read that actor Maria Mercedes broke off her engagement to William Shatner.

She realized she'd be known as Maria Shatner Mercedes.

Why don't gymnasts make much money as actors?

They normally perform non-speaking rolls

What do you call an actor thats a program?

What do you call a guy thats an actor and a program?
Matt Daemon Tools.

We really shouldn't care what people at the Oscars say

They are all paid actors anyway

A bartender told me that the actor from No Country For Old Men started a fight in his pub

I asked, "Javier Bardem"?

He said "No, but I gave him a warning"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An out of work actor gets a call from his agent one day. "I've got you a job" says his agent.

"That's great" says the actor, what is it?"

"Well" says his agent "it's a one-liner"

"That's okay" replies the actor, "I've been out of work for so long I'll take anything; What's the line?"

"'Hark I hear the cannons roar'" says the agent.

"I love it" says the actor "When...

Samson was probably the best actor anywhere in the Bible.

His last performance really brought down the house.

How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

only one cause they don't like to share the spot light

Actor: to be or not to be?

######Me: [aggressively shaking beehive]...
sounds like more than two

A washed up actor hasn't gotten a job in years...

... He has lost his ability to remember lines. But after looking for work for a very long time, finally he gets the lead role in a Broadway musical.

When he arrives at the theater the director tells him, "You have the most important part, but you only have one line. You walk onto stage with a...

I heard that Kelly McGillis won’t be returning for Top Gun 2. Guess which other Top Gun actor won’t have a cameo in the sequel?

Goose.

Why did the French actor jump into a river?

Because it was in the scene!

I wrote a 200,000 word novel about a French actor who is persecuted for his art.

It's called, "Mime and Punishment".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a Japanese Soldier and a Actor have in common?

When they get discovered, their career blows up.

What do you call a firm, brittle, dry rodent that also happens to be an actor.

crisp rat

Leonardo DiCaprio, George Clooney and Matthew McConaughey are sitting around discussing a movie they want to make.

DiCaprio says, “I’ll be the lead actor.”

Clooney says, “I guess I’ll be the director.”

McConaughey says, “I’ll write, I’ll write, I’ll write.”

Where do actors that don't pay taxes perform?

in the audit-orium

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I always wanted to be a porn actor.

Then I realized that it is quite a hard business.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a bunch of porn actors on coke?

The lineup.

Somebody once gave me advice on dating to “just be yourself” and “be the true you”...

...he was an actor.

The lead actor in a play has become very ill.

This is a case of lead poisoning.

What's the only natural thing that can be an actor?

The rock!

The Kool-Aid man use to be a broadway actor

He had to turn to commercials after learning he had the inability to stop himself from breaking the fourth wall.

How many actors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one. They hold on the bulb, and the world revolves around them.

That Kool-Aid Man is a terrible actor

Always breaking the fourth wall

What do actors do when they make a mistake?

They react.

Robert Patrick, an actor best known for playing the T-1000, has left behind the Hollywood life to pursue his dream of owning a pest control business.

He is quoted as saying “I can’t wait to start my new life as an exterminator.”

Two actors are practicing their lines for a show.

The first guy says: "How could you do this to me? I hate you!" The second says: "You're making me so angry I swear I'm going to PUNCH you!" The first says "That line sounds cheesy. It makes it seem like a children's show. Let's talk to the writers about it." So they go the the writers and explain th...

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