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What do you call a porn actor with bad aim?

Mr Completely

A Mexican actor died while performing stunts for a movie.

During the funeral, his mother walks towards the director and says,

"Jesus died for your scenes."

The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.

They're the Tolkien white guys.

My actor friend got fired from his lead role in a play because of his cocaine addiction.

He kept blowing his lines.

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Wait, what was my line again??

An out-of-work actor gets a call from his agent one day. "I’ve got you a job," says his agent. "That’s great," says the actor, what is it?" "Well," says his agent, "it’s a one-liner" "That’s okay," replies the actor, "I’ve been out of work for so long I’ll take anything. What’s the line?" "Hark, I h...

Is there a more Dutch sounding actor than Tom Holland?

Yes, there's Tom Hollander.

How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, he holds onto the light bulb and the world revolves around him.

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A woman married four times: to a tycoon, an actor, a preacher, and an undertaker.

One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.

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An actor, a businessman and a redneck

An actor, a businessman and a redneck are sitting in a bar on Christmas eve. The actor says, "I got my wife the perfect gift. A dress and a diamond necklace. That way if she doesn't like dress she has a diamond necklace."

The business man says, "I got my wife a new sweater and a ring. That wa...

Why do we tell actors to "break a leg"?

Because every play has a cast.

Jussie Smollett paid two black actors to beat him up,

when Liam Neeson would have done it for nothing.

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A young frustrated actor, James, was desperately looking for a role.

He had been auditioning and auditioning to no avail. At this point, after the Weinstein revelations, he was convinced that the show business industry was completely corrupt and directors and producers only cast people who were willing to do “favours” for them. 

​

He’d turned...

Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?

He was just going through a stage.

Landlord: That Spanish actor out of Skyfall was kicking off in my pub the other night.

Customer: Javier Bardem?

Landlord: No, but he IS on his final warning.

You know which actor is best known for his headshot?

John Wilkes Booth

Actresses and actors who lose an Oscar all get the opportunity to act together.

Happy for the person who won.

Who is CRISPR's favorite actor?

Gene Hackman

Turns out the racist attack on the actor from empire was total bullsh**

I could smollett from a mile away.

Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?

Rigor Mortissen

People are getting angry about an actor practicing cannibalism on a female actress during the production of an action movie set in ancient Rome.

Personally, I'm gladiator.

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An actor was playing the role of Macbeth

And he was delivering his soliloquy so poorly that the audience began to boo him loudly. Halfway through, the actor stopped and yelled "Give me a break! I'm just an actor, I didn't write this crap!"

Dan is an aspiring actor who has recently been feelimg down.

He's done audition after countless audition, but has never managed to get a role. One day, as he's looking for another job, about to give up, he gets a call from his manager.

"Hello," Dan says.

"Hey," said Dan's agent, "I just managed to get you cast in a play. It's really last minute,...

Some famous actors decide to make a movie about classical musicians

They immediately begin to claim roles.

Robert Downey, Jr. says “I’ll be Mozart.”

Nicolas Cage says “I’ll be Beethoven.”

Arnold Schwarzenegger says “I’ll be Bach!”

I've been holding auditions for actors to play a new Fantastic Four team this afternoon...

... it's so stressful.

It's just been one Thing after another.

An aspiring actor turned thief has broken into Sydney Opera House.

Sources say he stole the spotlight.

Does anybody know which actor played Forrest Gump?

Thanks

Did you hear about the actor who only won an award because of the Italian mafia?

It turns out they really know how to rig a Tony.

There are actors called Tom Holland and Tom Hollander

I can only deduce from this that there are also actors called Tom Holland With A Vengeance, Live Free or Tom Holland & A Good Day To Tom Holland.

Actor Hugh Laurie was so fond of the works of Samuel Beckett that he once devoured an entire anthology of his poetry.

Hugh felt that he deserved to be a poet Laurie ate.

What do you call an actor preparing for a role as a drug addict?

A meth-head actor

Moishe the actor

Moishe, a Jewish actor, is so down and out, he's ready to take any acting gig that
he can find. Finally, he gets a lead, a classified ad that says, "Actor Needed To Play
An Ape." "I could do that," says Moishe.
To his surprise, the employer turns out to be the Central Park Zoo in New Yor...

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This guy wants to be an actor

Even though he is quite talented, his weird name is getting on his way.

No talent hunter will give him a chance. He is very proud of his name and is not willing to change any of it: Penis Wagon Lesbian.

He will not use a stage name either.

Years go by without him getting any ro...

What do an actor and a person with Alzheimer’s have in common?

They both act like it’s the first time they’ve had this conversation.

What do you call an actor that spent all his money on condoms?

Johnny Debt.

Sadly, the voice actor of Tony the Tiger has passed away

His last words: "I don't feel GRRRREAT!"

Where do James Bond Actors go when they die?

00Heaven

Which toad is a great actor?

Russell Croak

A washed up actor hasn't gotten a job in years...

... He has lost his ability to remember lines. But after looking for work for a very long time, finally he gets the lead role in a Broadway musical.

When he arrives at the theater the director tells him, "You have the most important part, but you only have one line. You walk onto stage with a...

Why did the actor in the prescription drug commercial cross the road?

To get to the other side effects.

Silent Actor

**Young Actor:** "Dad, guess what? I've just got my first part in a play. I play the part of a man who's been married for 30 years."

**Father:** "Well, keep at it, son. Maybe one day you'll get a speaking part."

Owen Wilson is an ok actor...

I personally like his brother more, even though he doesn't have that "wow" factor.

What's the difference between an actor and useless glue?

One is Brad Pitt

The other is bad Pritt

I can't even picture my favorite actor going to jail now.

But if he does, he'll have to change his name to Morgan Man.

What do actors do when they make a mistake?

They react.

Two cannibals are eating an actor

One turns to the other and says "Tastes pretty overdone to me"

That World Series game was so long...

When it started Kevin Spacey was still a respected actor.

The Chancellor of Germany, Prince Harry's wife, and the actor who played Gollum should set up an emporium of pubic wigs in Sarkel, Russia

...and call it "Merkel, Markle and Serkis' Sarkel Merkin Circus"

Sir Roger Moore, prominent James bond actor has passed away

His family say that they are shaken.... but not stirred

Kevin Spacey is no longer going to be an actor. He's going to teach guitar.

Be cause he's good at fingering A Minor.

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The most difficult actors to work with are children and animals

Especially in pornography

David Hasselhoff walked into a bar

and ordered a drink.

“Its a pleasure to serve you, Mr Hasselhoff,” said the bartender.

“Just call me Hoff,” the actor replied.

“Sure,” the bartender said, “no hassle.”

An actor had been struggling to find work . . .

He would get repeatedly rejected from every audition. One day he tried out for a role as a vampire. The casting director told him he had never seen anyone suck so bad.

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[OC] A notoriously bad stage actor died recently.

The vehicle carrying his casket broke down on the way to the funeral, allowing his critics, for one last time, to state that he needed to rehearse.

What did The Rock go by after he became a washed up actor?

The Sediment

What do you call a blonde actor with a long neck?

Charlize Heron

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I kind of feel bad for all of these big name actors and Hollywood people being outcast because of their deviant sexual behavior

Oh well, at least they can still be president.

Some actors were planning to make a movie on famous composers

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hanks were all making a movie about famous composers. Leo said, "I'd like to play Beethoven." Tom said, "I'd like to play Mozart." Arnie said "I'll be Bach"

Who is Logan Paul’s favourite actor?

Crisp Rat

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Once upon a time there was a sperm named Stanley who lived inside a famous movie actor.

Stanley was a very healthy sperm. He'd do pushups and somersaults and limber himself up all the time, while the other sperm just lay around on their fat asses not doing a thing.

One day, one of them became curious enough to ask Stanley why he
exercised all day.

Stanley said,"Look, ...

What do you call an aging actor who has finally paid off his house?

Mortgage freeman.

The Actor

There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.
The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a ...

As an aspiring actor, I was somewhat surprised when I got detained by airport security today...

All I said was that I was in town to shoot a pilot...

If the actor who plays Wolverine were to reveal that he's been a con-artist his entire life....

Would that mean this has all been a huge act, man?

Tommy Wiseau was considering casting Dumbo as a lead actor

He changed his mind because nobody would talk about the elephant in the room.

My life as an actor is finally paying off!

The other guys insurance company isn't too happy about it though.

What is Arnold Schwarzenegger now that he's not an actor?

An exterminator

Three dead improv actors are told that only those who died a horrible death are allowed to enter Heaven due to overcrowding

So, the first thinks for a second and then explains to St. Peter that he got home and found his wife naked in bed in the middle of day. Suspecting adultery, he had searched their 10th floor apartment until he finally found a man hanging from the balcony by his finger nails.

Overcome with jeal...

All those car commercials that say "real people, not actors"

I agree, actors aren't real people.

When actors get drunk

To play a scene where a character is drunk it's method acting



So I'm sure breaking bad must have had plenty of meth head acting

Why was John F. Kennedy secretly a more successful actor than Ronald Reagan?

He always knew how to take the perfect headshot.

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(NSFW) you can easily get hired as a porno actor, with little-to-no experience...

Most positions are entry-level.

A South African actor walks into his managers office (original joke)

Looking for a job. His manager thinks about it and says "we only have one role available at the moment, it's a short film about segregation"
The actor replies "great, that sounds like a-part-heid take"

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What did the porn director say to his actors and actress?

"I love it when a plan comes together"

Chuck Norris, the actor, film producer and screenwriter died in his house today at 76 years of age

He is now feeling much better and has fully recovered from this minor annoyance

In a videogame movie, what do you call your ideal set of actors?

Your dreamcast

The actor of Hagrid asked me why I want his signature

I said: "I am a giant fan!"