Composer Jokes

B…b Bach!

Stallone: I'll play Beethoven

Van Damme: I'll be Mozart

Schwarzenegger: Shut up! I'll not say it.

…Rachmaninov.

How many movements?

That’s what you call thinking outside the Bach’s.

Composer: Is it really THAT important that there are no voices in any of the tracks?

Director: It's instrumental

Sly: “I wanna show the world that we’re more than just action movie stars. I wanna make a movie about classical music and classical composers. I know you guys love that stuff too. What do you think? Will you help me make a movie about it and show the world how cultured we are?”

Bruce: “I cou... read more

**When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”**

When asked about it it, Mr Schwarzenegger said "I'll be Bach"

Liszt.

"You be Mozart... I'll be Bach"

Bruce Willis said, "I'll be Beethovan"

Sylvester Stallone replied, "I'll be Mozart"

Arnold Schwarzenegger chimed in, "I'll be Bach"

Arnie, as is well known, has only one preference when it comes to classical composers, but sat patiently during the performance.

There were selections by Bach, Beethoven, Mozart, Tchaikovsky and more.

The Governor began to get quite perturbed when, after over an hour and half, his favo... read more

With 20 kids in the house, it was hard for him to find quiet time to work.

So he decided to find a quiet place outdoors, and found a small shed in the woods. Unfortunately, it was so far from his home, that by the time he got there and started writing, it was time to go back home for lunch. ... read more

During the meeting, wanting to impress the Korean, the American ambassador started boasting.

"Last week, I was in London. I met the Olympic 1000 metres gold medallist.

The previous week, I was in Brussels. I met the world's leading mathematician.

The week before, I was in Paris.... read more

But did he listen?

are talking to each other about their long careers as action heroes. Sly says, "You did some okay comedy, but you have the governorship and political success to be proud of."

Arnold says, "You've had so much recognition in Hollywood. I've never been nominated for an Oscar, you have have been ... read more

Sylvester Stallone says, "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."

Chuck says, "Guys, I'm bored of doing action movies too and I've got some ideas but you may not like them."

Sylveste... read more

Soviet Union delegation announced they are coming to Helsinki. To commemorate the Victory Day, they asked to set flowers to the statue of the unknown soldier. Finnish officials complied, but started to panic: there is no statue of the unknown soldier in Helsinki!

After a bit a brainstorming, ... read more

Just let Hans simmer for about 2 hours.

Stallone, Willis and Schwarzenegger are producing and starring in a period drama about the Great Composers.
They all agree that Stallone should play the role of Beethoven, but Willis and Schwarzenegger get into an argument about who should play Chopin.
Stallone suggest they toss a coin to de... read more

All the action heroes are at Stalone's house when their phones all go off. Their agents give them news about a new action movie focused on the great composers. After the call they are all talking about who they would like to play.

Stalone: I'm not going to be in it if I can't be Mozart.... read more

It was during the Baroque period.

Claude Debussy

Georg would say "I'll be Handel!”

Franz would say "I'll be Schubert!”

Arnold would say "I'll be Bach!"

Disclaimer: Carl Michael Bellman was a swedish author, singer, composer etc. For no particular reason swedes tell jokes about him. Usually involving him and two other guys from different nationalities. Bellman usually wins out in the end somehow.

On to the joke

There was once a Ge... read more

The General went to the company Bugler.

I understand that you're something of a composer. One of my senior officers has been run over by a tank, and I'd like you to write a funeral dirge for him.

No sweat.

What key will you compose it in?

It would be fitting to use A flat... read more

Award-winning composer, lyricist, actor, rapper, and playwright Lin-Manuel Miranda has contracted Covid-19 after receiving a spoiled dose of the vaccine. The nurse initially refused to administer the vaccine, when she discovered that it had accidentally been left out of the refrigeration unit too lo... read more

"How do you know they're smart?"

"They love classical music! That's smarty-pants music right there."

"And how do you know that's what they like?"

"Every morning, I say to the chickens 'What music for today?' and they ask for their favorite composer: 'Bach, Bach, Bach!'"

"I know", says Stallone, "Lets all go as famous composers. "I'll be Beethoven".

"I'll go as Mozart", says Chuck.

Schwarzenegger gets up and walks swiftly to the door. At the last second, he looks back and says,

"I'll be Bach"

Arnold Schwarzenegger will be Bach.

Bruce shrugs and says, "I guess I'll be Beethoven".

Stallone thinks for a minute and says, "Eh, I'll be Mozart then."

Everyone then turns to Arnold who looks down with a sigh, "I'll be Bach".

There is a rumor that a movie about a 17th century classical composers will be made. It will even star Arnold Schwarzenegger among others.


He'll be Bach

His friends called him Mutezart.

She explained “Each one of you will select a different classical composer to play on stage. Arnold, you get to pick first.”

Everyone turned to look at Arnold and the room got quiet. Arnold stared intently at the teacher and made his decision known.

“I’ll be Bach.”

Weeks after the funeral, one of the townspeople gets drunk and tries to find his way home. In his drunken stupor, he finds himself lost in the graveyard. When he comes across the composer's grave, he begins to hear a strange, haunting melody. This terrifies him, and he runs out of the graveyard scre... read more

He was out choping

A guy goes into a bar with a chicken. The bartender of course says, “What’s up with the chicken? We don’t allow chickens in here.“

The guy says “it’s okay, Freddie’s a talking chicken!“

The bartender says “yeah sure pal. If that chicken can talk, I’ll give you all the free beer you wan... read more

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple

days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard

some strange noises coming from the area where Mozart was buried.

Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.

T... read more

Johan Sebastian Bock

They all decided that they'll go as composers.

Friend 1: I'll be Mozart

Friend 2: I'll be Beethoven

Terminator: I'LL BE BACH

A Chopin cart

Arnold Schwarznegger, Sly Stallone & Chuck Norris are invited to a ball where they must all go in fancy dress.

They decide to go as classical composers, so they head to the store to buy their costumes for the ball.

When in the store, Sly says: 'I'll dress as Mozart'

Chuck Sa... read more

It's for Stallone's new movie *The Composers*, about the descendants of famous European composers joining forces to fight terrorism. Stallone says he'll play Beethoven, "My theme will be ode to joy. But get this: Joy is the name of my shotgun."

"Nice," says Norris. "I'll be Mozart, and I'... read more