Stallone: I’m making a movie about composers. I’m playing Vivaldi.

VanDamme: I’ll be Mozart.

Schwarzenegger: Stop it guys I’m not saying it.

Stallone, Willis and Schwarzenegger are producing and starring in a period drama about the Great Composers.

Stallone, Willis and Schwarzenegger are producing and starring in a period drama about the Great Composers.
They all agree that Stallone should play the role of Beethoven, but Willis and Schwarzenegger get into an argument about who should play Chopin.
Stallone suggest they toss a coin to de...

They asked Arnold Schwarzenegger to play a classical composer for a movie do you know what his reply was?

I'll be Bach

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

8 year old Arnold Schwarzenegger was sitting in music class. The teacher said that each student would play the role of a famous composer.

One student said "I'll be Beethoven".

Another said "I'll be Mozart".

Yet another student said "I'll be Tchaikovsky".

And Arnold said "I'll be Bach".

Who is the chicken's favorite composer?

Bach.

What is a femboy's favorite composer?

Claude Debussy

Action Composers

All the action heroes are at Stalone's house when their phones all go off. Their agents give them news about a new action movie focused on the great composers. After the call they are all talking about who they would like to play.

Stalone: I'm not going to be in it if I can't be Mozart....

There was a time where all musicians and composers were broke

It was during the Baroque period.

After he became deaf, many people told Beethoven that his career as a composer was over.

But did he listen?

Isn't it ironic that the world's greatest composers; Bach, Beethoven, and Mozart...

... Have spent the last 200 years decomposing?

Thank you. Thank you very much.

I love you all.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dictator once asked a famous composer if he could write him a brilliant piece of music.

Naturally, the composer was extremely nervous, as the dictator had a habit of giving the death penalty to those who did not please him.

The composer spent weeks working on this piece, and from a musical standpoint it was quite good. So, he gathered his orchestra and performed his piece for th...

When Arnold Schwarzenegger was a little boy back in Austria, he and his friends had a game where they would pretend to be famous composers ...

Georg would say "I'll be Handel!”

Franz would say "I'll be Schubert!”

Arnold would say "I'll be Bach!"

Why did Mozart hate all of his chickens?

Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they all said, “*Bach, Bach, Bach.”*

Did you hear about the composer who took a vow of silence?

His friends called him Mutezart.

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he was going to attend the 18th century composer costume party.

He said, “Yes, I’ll be Bach”.

Who is a chickens favourite composer

Johan Sebastian Bock

What does a classical composer use to carry his groceries?

A Chopin cart

General approaches the Bugler

The General went to the company Bugler.

I understand that you're something of a composer. One of my senior officers has been run over by a tank, and I'd like you to write a funeral dirge for him.

No sweat.

What key will you compose it in?

It would be fitting to use A flat...

The US ambassador was meeting the North Korea ambassador.

During the meeting, wanting to impress the Korean, the American ambassador started boasting.

"Last week, I was in London. I met the Olympic 1000 metres gold medallist.

The previous week, I was in Brussels. I met the world's leading mathematician.

The week before, I was in Paris....

A prolific composer dies and is buried in him hometown.

Weeks after the funeral, one of the townspeople gets drunk and tries to find his way home. In his drunken stupor, he finds himself lost in the graveyard. When he comes across the composer's grave, he begins to hear a strange, haunting melody. This terrifies him, and he runs out of the graveyard scre...

Apparently Danny Devito is casting a new film about Baroque composers.

Arnold Schwarzenegger will be Bach.

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a restaurant, and Sylvester Stallone is like: "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."

Chuck says: "Don't you have any ideas?"

"Yeah, this may sound silly, but I was actually thinking about doing a movie on great classical composers"

That's when Arnold trows himself in the conversation and says: "That sounds like a great idea! Sylvester, you can be Mozart, and Chuck can ...

What do a composer and a racist have in common?

They both use slurs

If classical composers of old were alive and listened to some of the music that's popular today, they'd all complain....

Except Beethoven

What did one composer say to the other when the bill arrived?

Can you pay? I'm baroque.

Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all hired to do movies about the big three classical music composers. The director gives them the choice on who they play.

Bruce shrugs and says, "I guess I'll be Beethoven".

Stallone thinks for a minute and says, "Eh, I'll be Mozart then."

Everyone then turns to Arnold who looks down with a sigh, "I'll be Bach".

They say Mozart was a good composer for his time.

Nowadays he's more into decomposing.

It was movie night, and I thought my favourite baroque composer and Henry VIII would enjoy the film JFK.

Sadly, Bach and Tudor left.

Composers are such hypocrites

They compose when they are alive and decompose when they are dead!

Spotify won't let me listen to any Hungarian composers for some reason

I feel so lisztless

Joke about dead Austrian composer

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple

days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard

some strange noises coming from the area where Mozart was buried.

Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.

T...

Why did everyone hate the classical composer’s music

Everyone thought he had some sheet music

So I died and was reincarnated as a composer...

I'm Bach now.

My Friend And I Recently Desecrated A German Composer's Tomb

It was Bach-breaking work, but we got it done.

The lazy composer was a busy man

as he had several scores to settle

A man cheats on his wife who happens to be a composer. After finding out about it, she composes a piece of music that expresses her unending rage.

Hell hath no fury like a woman score.

What do you call a conflict between composers?

A de*bach*le.

I've been invited to a fancy dress party at Arnold Schwarzenegger's house. The theme is classical composers.

I'll be Bach.

What's a music major frat boy's favorite composer?

Debussy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kim Jong Un asked a well known North Korean composer to create a piece for him

The composer had many months to find people to play, and to write a piece. Once it was performed on stage, it sounded terrible. The players werent synchronized, and they were all playing the wrong notes. That night the composer was set to be executed.

Before the composer was put in the electr...

Why didn't 18th century composer George Frideric Handel go shopping while he lived in London?

Because he was Baroque.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a heterosexual music composer?

Straighthoven

Bach was a legendary composer with 20 kids.........

I guess that qualifies him as being a freak in the sheets and on the sheets.....

i've got a Liszt of great composer puns that's Haydn in my closet somewhere...

i could look Bach there and read it to you, but i don't think you could Handel it.

TIL that Hollywood is set to make a biopic about a famous classical composer, and Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to be the star.

When interviewed about the project, he was quoted as saying "I'll be Bach"

Did you hear that they're producing an action movie about a team of crime-fighting composers?

They already approached Arnold Schwarzenegger about playing fellow Austrian Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, but he said "no, I'll be Bach!"

Steven Spielberg wants to make a movie about famous composers, so he puts out a casting call.

Gary Oldman walks in first and says, "I played Beethoven in *Immortal Beloved*, so I already have experience playing the part."

Tom Hulce calls in next, "I was Mozart in *Amadeus*, and would love to play him again.

Arnold Schwarzenegger meets with him and says, "I'll be Bach."

Why were all the 17th century composers poor?

Because they were baroque a f.

Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger were discussing who they were going to play in the new Hollywood Blockbuster:

The Great Composers!
"I wanna be Beethoven," said Stallone.
"I gotta be Mozart," retorted Willis.
"What about you, Arnie?" they asked....

What's the difference between JR Smith and a bad music composer?

One of them still knows the score

Why was the Austrian composer so hard to find?

Because he was Haydn.

What do you get when you cross a Classical German composer with an erupting volcano?

Baklava.

(It came to me in a dream last night. I dunno man..)

[Composer Joke] JS Bach died and went to heaven...

After he died, Bach landed at the Pearly Gates where God was waiting. "Bach! hallelujah!" God said: "Our angelic choir is in need of a new oratorio, and with how many songs you've composed, you MUST be the man for the job."

Bach sighed, then said:

"God, I've spent my entire life comp...

Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Steven Seagal decide to make and star in a movie about famous composers...

Bruce: "Okay guys, let's decide which musicians we'd like to portray"

Seagal: "Well, I guess I'll play Beethoven if you guys think that works"

Stallone: "that seems like a good fit. I think I'll be Mozart."

Willis: "Sounds good so far. I'd like to portray Brahms."

*Stall...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate when people incorrectly categorize Mozart as a classical composer...

Even though he lived during the Classical Era, he was Baroque as fuck.

Lin-Manuel Miranda has contracted Covid-19

Award-winning composer, lyricist, actor, rapper, and playwright Lin-Manuel Miranda has contracted Covid-19 after receiving a spoiled dose of the vaccine. The nurse initially refused to administer the vaccine, when she discovered that it had accidentally been left out of the refrigeration unit too lo...

What did the composer say about the music at the Super Bowl?

It's in half time.

In his prime Mozart was one of the best composers.

But after his death he became a decomposer.

Why did the Composer marry the Musician?

It was an arranged marriage.

So I phoned my friend to ask him why he's been calling me the names of different composers, but he didn't answer...

He hasn't called me Bach yet.

A Soviet composer is looking at his notes in Moscow...

... and a soldier oversees the symbols and assumes he's a spy communicating in a form of code. The composer is arrested and brought to the Gulag where he pleads "Please, it's just Tchaikovsky's violin concerto!". Later that day he is brought to an interrogation room and sits down, a Soviet officer w...

In sweden we have what is called Bellman jokes

Disclaimer: Carl Michael Bellman was a swedish author, singer, composer etc. For no particular reason swedes tell jokes about him. Usually involving him and two other guys from different nationalities. Bellman usually wins out in the end somehow.

On to the joke

There was once a Ge...

Every time a famous music composer dies...

... he starts decomposing.

Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger

are talking to each other about their long careers as action heroes. Sly says, "You did some okay comedy, but you have the governorship and political success to be proud of."

Arnold says, "You've had so much recognition in Hollywood. I've never been nominated for an Oscar, you have have been ...

Why did the composer go to the chiropractor?

Because he had Bach problems

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Arnold Schwarzenegger is actually a talented composer with a love for classical music!

His newest album is titled, "I'll Be Bach."

Did you hear about the constipated composer?

He couldn't finish the last movement.

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