They all told Beethoven he could never be a composer

But did he listen?

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he was offered the role of the main character of a movie about an 18th century German composer?

“I’ll be Bach”

What do a composer and a racist have in common?

They both use slurs

A prolific composer dies and is buried in him hometown.

Weeks after the funeral, one of the townspeople gets drunk and tries to find his way home. In his drunken stupor, he finds himself lost in the graveyard. When he comes across the composer's grave, he begins to hear a strange, haunting melody. This terrifies him, and he runs out of the graveyard scre...

If classical composers of old were alive and listened to some of the music that's popular today, they'd all complain....

Except Beethoven

Apparently Danny Devito is casting a new film about Baroque composers.

Arnold Schwarzenegger will be Bach.

What did one composer say to the other when the bill arrived?

Can you pay? I'm baroque.

Beethoven and Bach were once composers.

Now they are decomposers.

Composers are such hypocrites

They compose when they are alive and decompose when they are dead!

Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all hired to do movies about the big three classical music composers. The director gives them the choice on who they play.

Bruce shrugs and says, "I guess I'll be Beethoven".

Stallone thinks for a minute and says, "Eh, I'll be Mozart then."

Everyone then turns to Arnold who looks down with a sigh, "I'll be Bach".

Why did everyone hate the classical composer’s music

Everyone thought he had some sheet music

Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger

are talking to each other about their long careers as action heroes. Sly says, "You did some okay comedy, but you have the governorship and political success to be proud of."

Arnold says, "You've had so much recognition in Hollywood. I've never been nominated for an Oscar, you have have been ...

My Friend And I Recently Desecrated A German Composer's Tomb

It was Bach-breaking work, but we got it done.

What's a music major frat boy's favorite composer?

Debussy

The lazy composer was a busy man

as he had several scores to settle

What do you call a conflict between composers?

A de*bach*le.

I've been invited to a fancy dress party at Arnold Schwarzenegger's house. The theme is classical composers.

I'll be Bach.

When Arnold Schwarzenegger was a little boy back in Austria, he and his friends had a game where they would pretend to be famous composers ...

Georg would say "I'll be Handel!”

Franz would say "I'll be Schubert!”

Arnold would say "I'll be Bach!"

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What do you call a heterosexual music composer?

Straighthoven

A man cheats on his wife who happens to be a composer. After finding out about it, she composes a piece of music that expresses her unending rage.

Hell hath no fury like a woman score.

Why didn't 18th century composer George Frideric Handel go shopping while he lived in London?

Because he was Baroque.

TIL that Hollywood is set to make a biopic about a famous classical composer, and Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to be the star.

When interviewed about the project, he was quoted as saying "I'll be Bach"

Bach was a legendary composer with 20 kids.........

I guess that qualifies him as being a freak in the sheets and on the sheets.....

Spotify won't let me listen to any Hungarian composers for some reason

I feel so lisztless

Terminator and his friends were going to a costume party.

They all decided that they'll go as composers.

Friend 1: I'll be Mozart

Friend 2: I'll be Beethoven

Terminator: I'LL BE BACH

So I died and was reincarnated as a composer...

I'm Bach now.

My friend asked if I wanted to be the Terminator or a 17th century composer for halloween

So I said "I'll be Bach"

Why were all the 17th century composers poor?

Because they were baroque a f.

Why did Mozart get rid of all his chickens?

He asked them who the best composer was and didn’t like their answer.

What did Arnold say when he decided to dress up as a baroque era composer?

I'll be Bach

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kim Jong Un asked a well known North Korean composer to create a piece for him

The composer had many months to find people to play, and to write a piece. Once it was performed on stage, it sounded terrible. The players werent synchronized, and they were all playing the wrong notes. That night the composer was set to be executed.

Before the composer was put in the electr...

What's the difference between JR Smith and a bad music composer?

One of them still knows the score

Some actors were planning to make a movie on famous composers

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hanks were all making a movie about famous composers. Leo said, "I'd like to play Beethoven." Tom said, "I'd like to play Mozart." Arnie said "I'll be Bach"

Steven Spielberg wants to make a movie about famous composers, so he puts out a casting call.

Gary Oldman walks in first and says, "I played Beethoven in *Immortal Beloved*, so I already have experience playing the part."

Tom Hulce calls in next, "I was Mozart in *Amadeus*, and would love to play him again.

Arnold Schwarzenegger meets with him and says, "I'll be Bach."

Arnold Schwarzenegger and his classmates were sitting in music class when their teacher announced they would be putting on a play about the history of classical music.

She explained “Each one of you will select a different classical composer to play on stage. Arnold, you get to pick first.”

Everyone turned to look at Arnold and the room got quiet. Arnold stared intently at the teacher and made his decision known.

“I’ll be Bach.”

#299: Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Bruce Willis get together at a bar and have drinks.

After catching up, Stallone says, "I think we should make a movie with all of us."

Bruce Willis says, "That's a great idea, but I'm tired of action movies. How about we make a movie about classical composers?"

Stallone says, "I like that idea, Bruce. I can be Mozart and you can be Beet...

Joke about dead Austrian composer

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple

days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard

some strange noises coming from the area where Mozart was buried.

Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.

T...

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a bar.

Sylvester Stallone says, "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."

Chuck says, "Guys, I'm bored of doing action movies too and I've got some ideas but you may not like them."

Sylveste...

i've got a Liszt of great composer puns that's Haydn in my closet somewhere...

i could look Bach there and read it to you, but i don't think you could Handel it.

Did you hear that they're producing an action movie about a team of crime-fighting composers?

They already approached Arnold Schwarzenegger about playing fellow Austrian Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, but he said "no, I'll be Bach!"

Sean Connery, Sylvester Stallone, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are going to be in a movie about classical composers...

They are talking to the director about what roles they want to play.

Sean Connery says "I would shertainly like to play Moshart."

Sylvester Stallone says "Uh, well, I guess I wanna play Beethoven."

And so Arnold pauses a moment, and then says "I'll be Bach."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate when people incorrectly categorize Mozart as a classical composer...

Even though he lived during the Classical Era, he was Baroque as fuck.

What did the composer say about the music at the Super Bowl?

It's in half time.

A man walks into a bar and says to a customer

Man “Hello, are you Fela Kuti the famed Nigerian multi-instrumentalist, musician, composer, pioneer of the Afrobeat music genre and human rights activist? (for those that didn’t know)

Customer “No mate, you’re thinking of another fella.”

Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Steven Seagal decide to make and star in a movie about famous composers...

Bruce: "Okay guys, let's decide which musicians we'd like to portray"

Seagal: "Well, I guess I'll play Beethoven if you guys think that works"

Stallone: "that seems like a good fit. I think I'll be Mozart."

Willis: "Sounds good so far. I'd like to portray Brahms."

*Stall...

Why did the Composer marry the Musician?

It was an arranged marriage.

[Composer Joke] JS Bach died and went to heaven...

After he died, Bach landed at the Pearly Gates where God was waiting. "Bach! hallelujah!" God said: "Our angelic choir is in need of a new oratorio, and with how many songs you've composed, you MUST be the man for the job."

Bach sighed, then said:

"God, I've spent my entire life comp...

In his prime Mozart was one of the best composers.

But after his death he became a decomposer.

What do you get when you cross a Classical German composer with an erupting volcano?

Baklava.

(It came to me in a dream last night. I dunno man..)

Every time a famous music composer dies...

... he starts decomposing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When a young Arnold Schwarzenegger was in Music Appreciation class...

each student was asked to give a presentation as their favorite composer. Being a huge fan of Mozart, Arnold was very excited to turn in his request. But much to his dismay, the teacher told him "Unfortunately, someone else already chosen to be Mozart."

To which Arnold replied, "No worries......

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Arnold Schwarzenegger is actually a talented composer with a love for classical music!

His newest album is titled, "I'll Be Bach."

What appears when you ask a genie for a classical composer?

A wish Liszt.

Why did the composer go to the chiropractor?

Because he had Bach problems

The music composer at my school is suffering from Cancer.

He's in the hospital being fed through a tuba.

What do sick composers drink?

Tchai *cough* Tea

How does a composer remember which groceries to buy?

She writes a Chopin Liszt.

Did you hear about the constipated composer?

He couldn't finish the last movement.

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are discussing what to dress up as for the 80's Action Hero Costume Ball.

"I know", says Stallone, "Lets all go as famous composers. "I'll be Beethoven".

"I'll go as Mozart", says Chuck.

Schwarzenegger gets up and walks swiftly to the door. At the last second, he looks back and says,

"I'll be Bach"

Which classical composer is best at playing hide and seek?

Haydn. [OC]

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