UPJOKE
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A director and composer are arguing about the score of a film

Composer: Is it really THAT important that there are no voices in any of the tracks?

Director: It's instrumental

Composers

Stallone: ‘I’m making a movie about composers, I’ll be Beethoven’

Van Damme: ‘I’ll be Mozart’

Schwarzenegger: ‘Stop it guys, I’m not saying it!’

What did the classical composer say to his student?

Don’t fix it if it ain’t baroque.

Arnold Schwarzenegger announced today that he'll be starring in a new movie about a 18th century composer

When asked about it it, Mr Schwarzenegger said "I'll be Bach"

A large movie studio is making a movie about famous musical composers played by very muscular actors. They had all of the actors choose who they wanted to be.

Dwayne Johnson chose Mozart.

Lou Ferrigno wanted Beethoven.

When asked who he wanted to play, Arnold Schwarzenegger said, “I’ll be Bach.”

Three action movie actors decided to do a movie about classical composers...

Bruce Willis said, "I'll be Beethovan"

Sylvester Stallone replied, "I'll be Mozart"

Arnold Schwarzenegger chimed in, "I'll be Bach"

Who is the chicken's favorite composer?

Bach.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

8 year old Arnold Schwarzenegger was sitting in music class. The teacher said that each student would play the role of a famous composer.

One student said "I'll be Beethoven".

Another said "I'll be Mozart".

Yet another student said "I'll be Tchaikovsky".

And Arnold said "I'll be Bach".

As Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger had to attend many high society functions. One such function was a fund raiser which featured a symphony orchestra playing a medley of pieces by famous composers.

Arnie, as is well known, has only one preference when it comes to classical composers, but sat patiently during the performance.

There were selections by Bach, Beethoven, Mozart, Tchaikovsky and more.

The Governor began to get quite perturbed when, after over an hour and half, his favo...

After he became deaf, many people told Beethoven that his career as a composer was over.

But did he listen?

What is a femboy's favorite composer?

Claude Debussy

Bach, the great composer, was having a difficult time writing new music.

With 20 kids in the house, it was hard for him to find quiet time to work.

So he decided to find a quiet place outdoors, and found a small shed in the woods. Unfortunately, it was so far from his home, that by the time he got there and started writing, it was time to go back home for lunch. ...

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A dictator once asked a famous composer if he could write him a brilliant piece of music.

Naturally, the composer was extremely nervous, as the dictator had a habit of giving the death penalty to those who did not please him.

The composer spent weeks working on this piece, and from a musical standpoint it was quite good. So, he gathered his orchestra and performed his piece for th...

Stallone, Willis and Schwarzenegger are producing and starring in a period drama about the Great Composers.

Stallone, Willis and Schwarzenegger are producing and starring in a period drama about the Great Composers.
They all agree that Stallone should play the role of Beethoven, but Willis and Schwarzenegger get into an argument about who should play Chopin.
Stallone suggest they toss a coin to de...

How do you cook german composers?

Just let Hans simmer for about 2 hours.

Why did Mozart hate all of his chickens?

**When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”**

Action Composers

All the action heroes are at Stalone's house when their phones all go off. Their agents give them news about a new action movie focused on the great composers. After the call they are all talking about who they would like to play.

Stalone: I'm not going to be in it if I can't be Mozart....

There was a time where all musicians and composers were broke

It was during the Baroque period.

When Arnold Schwarzenegger was a little boy back in Austria, he and his friends had a game where they would pretend to be famous composers ...

Georg would say "I'll be Handel!”

Franz would say "I'll be Schubert!”

Arnold would say "I'll be Bach!"

Did you hear about the composer who took a vow of silence?

His friends called him Mutezart.

What did one composer say to the other when the bill arrived?

Can you pay? I'm baroque.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kim Jong Un asked a well known North Korean composer to create a piece for him

The composer had many months to find people to play, and to write a piece. Once it was performed on stage, it sounded terrible. The players werent synchronized, and they were all playing the wrong notes. That night the composer was set to be executed.

Before the composer was put in the electr...

A prolific composer dies and is buried in him hometown.

Weeks after the funeral, one of the townspeople gets drunk and tries to find his way home. In his drunken stupor, he finds himself lost in the graveyard. When he comes across the composer's grave, he begins to hear a strange, haunting melody. This terrifies him, and he runs out of the graveyard scre...

What does a classical composer use to carry his groceries?

A Chopin cart

Joke about dead Austrian composer

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple

days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard

some strange noises coming from the area where Mozart was buried.

Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.

T...

Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all hired to do movies about the big three classical music composers. The director gives them the choice on who they play.

Bruce shrugs and says, "I guess I'll be Beethoven".

Stallone thinks for a minute and says, "Eh, I'll be Mozart then."

Everyone then turns to Arnold who looks down with a sigh, "I'll be Bach".

Apparently Danny Devito is casting a new film about Baroque composers.

Arnold Schwarzenegger will be Bach.

So I died and was reincarnated as a composer...

I'm Bach now.

What do a composer and a racist have in common?

They both use slurs

They say Mozart was a good composer for his time.

Nowadays he's more into decomposing.

i've got a Liszt of great composer puns that's Haydn in my closet somewhere...

i could look Bach there and read it to you, but i don't think you could Handel it.

Why did everyone hate the classical composer’s music

Everyone thought he had some sheet music

A man cheats on his wife who happens to be a composer. After finding out about it, she composes a piece of music that expresses her unending rage.

Hell hath no fury like a woman score.

Why didn't 18th century composer George Frideric Handel go shopping while he lived in London?

Because he was Baroque.

The lazy composer was a busy man

as he had several scores to settle

What's a music major frat boy's favorite composer?

Debussy

If classical composers of old were alive and listened to some of the music that's popular today, they'd all complain....

Except Beethoven

[Composer Joke] JS Bach died and went to heaven...

After he died, Bach landed at the Pearly Gates where God was waiting. "Bach! hallelujah!" God said: "Our angelic choir is in need of a new oratorio, and with how many songs you've composed, you MUST be the man for the job."

Bach sighed, then said:

"God, I've spent my entire life comp...

What do you get when you cross a Classical German composer with an erupting volcano?

Baklava.

(It came to me in a dream last night. I dunno man..)

TIL that Hollywood is set to make a biopic about a famous classical composer, and Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to be the star.

When interviewed about the project, he was quoted as saying "I'll be Bach"

Bach was a legendary composer with 20 kids.........

I guess that qualifies him as being a freak in the sheets and on the sheets.....

A music composer told me he cant listen to the radio anymore because popular music was much of the same recycled musical ideas. Said learning too much about a certain topic can ruin the fun of that topic.

And that's why I didn't become a gynecologist

Spotify won't let me listen to any Hungarian composers for some reason

I feel so lisztless

Why was the Austrian composer so hard to find?

Because he was Haydn.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a heterosexual music composer?

Straighthoven

Did you hear that they're producing an action movie about a team of crime-fighting composers?

They already approached Arnold Schwarzenegger about playing fellow Austrian Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, but he said "no, I'll be Bach!"

What's the difference between JR Smith and a bad music composer?

One of them still knows the score

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate when people incorrectly categorize Mozart as a classical composer...

Even though he lived during the Classical Era, he was Baroque as fuck.

My Friend And I Recently Desecrated A German Composer's Tomb

It was Bach-breaking work, but we got it done.

What do you call a conflict between composers?

A de*bach*le.

Composers are such hypocrites

They compose when they are alive and decompose when they are dead!

I've been invited to a fancy dress party at Arnold Schwarzenegger's house. The theme is classical composers.

I'll be Bach.

Every time a famous music composer dies...

... he starts decomposing.

What did the composer say about the music at the Super Bowl?

It's in half time.

Steven Spielberg wants to make a movie about famous composers, so he puts out a casting call.

Gary Oldman walks in first and says, "I played Beethoven in *Immortal Beloved*, so I already have experience playing the part."

Tom Hulce calls in next, "I was Mozart in *Amadeus*, and would love to play him again.

Arnold Schwarzenegger meets with him and says, "I'll be Bach."

Why did the Composer marry the Musician?

It was an arranged marriage.

Why did the composer go to the chiropractor?

Because he had Bach problems

A Soviet composer is looking at his notes in Moscow...

... and a soldier oversees the symbols and assumes he's a spy communicating in a form of code. The composer is arrested and brought to the Gulag where he pleads "Please, it's just Tchaikovsky's violin concerto!". Later that day he is brought to an interrogation room and sits down, a Soviet officer w...

Did you hear about the constipated composer?

He couldn't finish the last movement.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Arnold Schwarzenegger is actually a talented composer with a love for classical music!

His newest album is titled, "I'll Be Bach."

I went to the supermarket dressed as a classical composer...

Somebody asked me what I was Chopin for.

Which classical composer is best at playing hide and seek?

Haydn. [OC]

Why were all the 17th century composers poor?

Because they were baroque a f.

Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Steven Seagal decide to make and star in a movie about famous composers...

Bruce: "Okay guys, let's decide which musicians we'd like to portray"

Seagal: "Well, I guess I'll play Beethoven if you guys think that works"

Stallone: "that seems like a good fit. I think I'll be Mozart."

Willis: "Sounds good so far. I'd like to portray Brahms."

*Stall...

The US ambassador was meeting the North Korea ambassador.

During the meeting, wanting to impress the Korean, the American ambassador started boasting.

"Last week, I was in London. I met the Olympic 1000 metres gold medallist.

The previous week, I was in Brussels. I met the world's leading mathematician.

The week before, I was in Paris....

How does a composer remember which groceries to buy?

She writes a Chopin Liszt.

The music composer at my school is suffering from Cancer.

He's in the hospital being fed through a tuba.

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