What do you call a conflict between composers?

A de*bach*le.

A man cheats on his wife who happens to be a composer. After finding out about it, she composes a piece of music that expresses her unending rage.

Hell hath no fury like a woman score.

Why didn't 18th century composer George Frideric Handel go shopping while he lived in London?

Because he was Baroque.

What was the chicken’s favorite composer?

Bach

TIL that Hollywood is set to make a biopic about a famous classical composer, and Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to be the star.

When interviewed about the project, he was quoted as saying "I'll be Bach"

People told Schwarzenegger that his dream of becoming a music composer is impossible to achive

To which he said
"I'll be bach"

Why were all the 17th century composers poor?

Because they were baroque a f.

Sylvester Stallone, Jean Claude Van Damme, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all making a movie about classical composers.

Sylvester Stallone said, "I'll be mozart."


Jean Claude Van Damme said, "I'll be Beethoven."


Schwarzenegger said, "I'll be bach."

Spotify won't let me listen to any Hungarian composers for some reason

I feel so lisztless

My friend asked if I wanted to be the Terminator or a 17th century composer for halloween

So I said "I'll be Bach"

When Arnold Schwarzenegger was a little boy back in Austria, he and his friends had a game where they would pretend to be famous composers ...

Georg would say "I'll be Handel!”

Franz would say "I'll be Schubert!”

Arnold would say "I'll be Bach!"

Bach was a legendary composer with 20 kids.........

I guess that qualifies him as being a freak in the sheets and on the sheets.....

What did Arnold say when he decided to dress up as a baroque era composer?

I'll be Bach

So I died and was reincarnated as a composer...

I'm Bach now.

Arnold Schwarzenegger said he is going to play a German composer in a new movie.

He said “I’ll be Bach”.

What's the difference between JR Smith and a bad music composer?

One of them still knows the score

"My favourite musical composer has gone missing!"

"Don't worry, I've got your Bach"

Arnold Schwarzenegger is offered a role as a well known composer...

"I'll be Bach" he says, accepting the offer.

Why was the Austrian composer so hard to find?

Because he was Haydn.

Did you hear about the Hollywood cosplay of famous composers?

Arnold was Bach

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Kim Jong Un asked a well known North Korean composer to create a piece for him

The composer had many months to find people to play, and to write a piece. Once it was performed on stage, it sounded terrible. The players werent synchronized, and they were all playing the wrong notes. That night the composer was set to be executed.

Before the composer was put in the electr...

Steven Spielberg wants to make a movie about famous composers, so he puts out a casting call.

Gary Oldman walks in first and says, "I played Beethoven in *Immortal Beloved*, so I already have experience playing the part."

Tom Hulce calls in next, "I was Mozart in *Amadeus*, and would love to play him again.

Arnold Schwarzenegger meets with him and says, "I'll be Bach."

What did the composer say about the music at the Super Bowl?

It's in half time.

i've got a Liszt of great composer puns that's Haydn in my closet somewhere...

i could look Bach there and read it to you, but i don't think you could Handel it.

Why did the Composer marry the Musician?

It was an arranged marriage.

Joke about dead Austrian composer

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple

days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard

some strange noises coming from the area where Mozart was buried.

Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.

T...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I hate when people incorrectly categorize Mozart as a classical composer...

Even though he lived during the Classical Era, he was Baroque as fuck.

So I phoned my friend to ask him why he's been calling me the names of different composers, but he didn't answer...

He hasn't called me Bach yet.

Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Steven Seagal decide to make and star in a movie about famous composers...

Bruce: "Okay guys, let's decide which musicians we'd like to portray"

Seagal: "Well, I guess I'll play Beethoven if you guys think that works"

Stallone: "that seems like a good fit. I think I'll be Mozart."

Willis: "Sounds good so far. I'd like to portray Brahms."

*Stall...

In his prime Mozart was one of the best composers.

But after his death he became a decomposer.

Sean Connery, Sylvester Stallone, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are going to be in a movie about classical composers...

They are talking to the director about what roles they want to play.

Sean Connery says "I would shertainly like to play Moshart."

Sylvester Stallone says "Uh, well, I guess I wanna play Beethoven."

And so Arnold pauses a moment, and then says "I'll be Bach."

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a bar

Sylvester Stallone says, "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."

Chuck says, "Guys, I'm bored of doing action movies too and I've got some ideas but you may not like them."

Sylveste...

[Composer Joke] JS Bach died and went to heaven...

After he died, Bach landed at the Pearly Gates where God was waiting. "Bach! hallelujah!" God said: "Our angelic choir is in need of a new oratorio, and with how many songs you've composed, you MUST be the man for the job."

Bach sighed, then said:

"God, I've spent my entire life comp...

What do you get when you cross a Classical German composer with an erupting volcano?

Baklava.

(It came to me in a dream last night. I dunno man..)

Did you hear that they're producing an action movie about a team of crime-fighting composers?

They already approached Arnold Schwarzenegger about playing fellow Austrian Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, but he said "no, I'll be Bach!"

So did you hear about the Angry composer?

Apparently, he had a few scores to settle.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Arnold Schwarzenegger is actually a talented composer with a love for classical music!

His newest album is titled, "I'll Be Bach."

Every time a famous music composer dies...

... he starts decomposing.

The music composer at my school is suffering from Cancer.

He's in the hospital being fed through a tuba.

What appears when you ask a genie for a classical composer?

A wish Liszt.

What do sick composers drink?

Tchai *cough* Tea

Why did the composer go to the chiropractor?

Because he had Bach problems

How does a composer remember which groceries to buy?

She writes a Chopin Liszt.

What is a composer's favorite vegetable?

Bach choy.

Did you hear about the constipated composer?

He couldn't finish the last movement.

I used to have a job impersonating a German composer.

Bach in the day!.

(I take no credit for this - as I read it in a magazine)

Arnold Schwarzenegger's girlfriend broke up with him

Arnold Schwarzenegger's girlfriend broke up with him in hopes that it would be enough to stop him from dressing up as classical composers for halloween.


But deep down, she still knew that he'd be bach.

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are discussing what to dress up as for the 80's Action Hero Costume Ball.

"I know", says Stallone, "Lets all go as famous composers. "I'll be Beethoven".

"I'll go as Mozart", says Chuck.

Schwarzenegger gets up and walks swiftly to the door. At the last second, he looks back and says,

"I'll be Bach"

One day, Moe was showing his friends a piece of art he made.

The portrait was of a prodigious music composer a long time ago.

Another one of Moe’s friends came up to them and asked, “Hey, what’re you guys looking at?”

“Moe’s-art.”

Music Joke

Beethoven was my favorite composer ever, I felt a personal connection to him, so I set out to dig up his grave. I walked over to the cemetery in which he was buried, and started digging. I pulled out the casket and opened the top. I was shocked when I saw his decaying body sitting upright erasing hi...

Which classical composer is best at playing hide and seek?

Haydn. [OC]

Dolph Lundgren, Jason Statham and Arnold Schwarzenegger go to a theme party.

Dolph Lundgren, Jason Statham, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are planning ahead to attend a theme party. The theme is famous composers, and Lundgren suggests “We should all go as a composer from our respective heritage. I could be Franz Berwald. He had interests in the arts and sciences, much like me.”<...

Arnold Schwarzenegger gets a call from his agent...

Who tells him that an up-and-coming director is looking for German- and Austrian-born actors for a movie.

"It's a little different than the stuff you're known for," the agent says, "It's a period piece about classical music composers. Should I arrange an audition?"

"There is no need," ...

It's the day before Halloween in Hollywood

A group of actors old and new are hanging out talking about their plans and what they're going to be dressed up as. Among them are Nic Cage, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Leonardo Dicaprio. The trio are huddled together as all three still haven't decided on a costume!
"We should plan something as a...

The disappearance of Joseph Haydn

Dissatisfied with the Christianity of Europe in 1800's, the composer Franz Joseph Haydn turned his eye to the religions of the east, and after much soul searching, he converted to Sikhism late in his life.

It would be the last thing he did.

Official reports say that after his conversi...

A farmer with an aptitude for music decided to host a music history lesson for the animals.

He gathered them all in the barn and declared, "Soon enough, I'll have proven that even animals can find appreciation in such a fine art!"

He played a flowing, melodic bar slowly on the keyboard and looked expectantly toward the animals. "This piece is moderately well known. Can anyone tell m...

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, and Dolph Lundgren were sitting around a a table

when they came up with the idea for a movie series based on the lives of classical musicians. They had all the details nailed down: the plot, the characters, the music, and so on. However, they couldn't decide which one of them was to play each classical composer in the film series. Eventually they ...

A guy and his dog walk into a bar.

The guy asks the bartender: „My dog can speak. Can I get a free beer if he speaks with you?“

&#x200B;

“Sure“, the bartender said, not believing the guy.

„Okay, dog“, says the guy.“ What’s on top of a house?“

“Roof!“, the dog answers.

&#x200B;

“That’s...

Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Dam, and Arnold Schwarzenegger

So one day, Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Dam, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were sitting together in a bar, kicking back, drinking a few brews, talking about life and talking about the roles they'd played in movies.

As the three men talked, each was surprised to realize that all three of t...

THE GOVINATOR

Jean Claude Van Dam, Steven Segal, and Arnold Schwarzenagger all decide to go out trick-or-treating as musical composers for Halloween. They go into a costume store and look for masks. Jean Claude sees a costume that he likes and says, "I think I'll go as Beethoven." Steven Segal sees a costume that...

Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are planning a costume party

and the theme is composers. Bruce tells the other stars, "I'll dress up as Mozart". Sylvester responds, "I'd be a great Beethoven". As the two are planning their costumes, Arnold checks the time and notices he's late for an appointment. As he hurries out the door, Bruce and Stallone ask "Hey, Arnol...

So a middle school is putting on a musical

The musical is about classical composers and they need three boys to play the leads.

The first boy comes in and says he wants the part of Beethoven. His name is marked down and he leaves.

The second boy comes in and says he wants the part of Mozart. His name is marked down and he leave...

A man walks into a record store...

A man walks into a record store, looking confused. The owner approaches him:
"Hey, you seem a little lost. Can I show you where anything is?"
"Uh yes, actually.", the man replies, "I'm looking for some classical music, as I've never listened to it before."
"Oh, well we have a vast var...

Terminator, RoboCop, & Optimus Prime are all together thinking of their next costume for Halloween...

when RoboCop says "We should all be classical musical composers; I'll be..Beethoven!".

&nbsp;


Optimus Prime agrees and says "alright - I'll be..Mozart!".

&nbsp;


Terminator stands up and says "I'll be Bach!".

Three actors are deciding on roles for a movie about classical music.

Matt Damon, Brad Pitt and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all taking part in a new movie about classical composers.

"I think I'll play Beethoven!" declared Matt.

"I'd like the role of Mozart!" Brad decided.

"I'll be Bach." said Arnie.

So there's this school play...

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger have to put on a play featuring their favorite musical composers. They each toil over who they will play, until the next day they meet.

Stallone goes first.

"I'll be Mozart"

Next up is Chuck Norris.

"I'll be Beet...

GovSchwarzenegger's musical talents.

One day Arnold Schwarzenegger and his two friends Bill and Tom were going for a stroll downtown.
Suddenly a man jumped out of a doorway and said "Help! We've just lost our three leads for our movie on famous European composers!"
Arnie and the boys, ever the gentlemen, decided to help the p...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A talented but unemployed jazz pianist.

A talented but unemployed jazz pianist/composer was walking down Second Avenue in New York contemplating his sad life when he sees a sign in a restaurant window that says "Jazz pianist wanted, full time position." Elated at his good fortune he goes inside to apply for the job.

He meets the ma...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A lady walks into a tattoo shop

A lady walks into a tattoo shop to get a tattoo.

The lady say, "Hi! I'd like to get a tattoo on my buttcheeks."

The tattoo guy says, "What would you like to get?"

The lady says, "That's the problem. I don't know what to get."

The man thinks this over for a while, and even...

You know the old saying: If it ain't Baroque...

...then it was probably written by more experimental composers after ~1760.

A New Movie - Stephen Spielberg

Stephen Speilberg has just recently decided to create a new action movie about the greatest composers on Earth. His creates his cast and asks them 'Who do you want to be' ...

Bruce Willis says to him 'I ll play Beethoven, i've always fancied myself as a bit of a genius'

Liam Neeson the...

Strange music

In Vienna, the great composer Mr. Beethoven had recently died and been buried in the city cemetery, with much mourning by the Viennese citizens.

A few nights after the burial, the town drunk is stumbling on his way home through the cemetery. All of a sudden he hears some very strange-soundin...

The Terminator

I was talking with my good friend Arnold about what he was going to be for Halloween this year. It surprised me to hear that he intended to dress up as a composer. When i asked him which one he looked dead into my eyes and said "I'll be Bach."

Job Application Humor

========================================================================

Cover letter: "I would be prepared to meet with you at your earliest
convenience to discuss what I can do to your company."

That's what we're afraid of ...

===============================================...

The magic Dog

A man goes to a casting show for talents with his dog.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I present: Gizmo the magic dog! I ask him a question and he answers it correct!"
The jury laughed, but he asked:"Gizmo, what is on top of this house?"
"Roof! Roof!", Gizmo said. The audience went quiet.
"Gizmo,...

Arnold schwarzenegger recently decided to go back into the movie business...

But being fed up with his trademark macho image he chose to do something different and went to a casting for a movie based on the life and story of famous classical composers.
****
****
When asked what role he was going for, Arnie leaned forward, looked right into the producers eyes and sa...

I was in a highbrow bar at the Ritz Carlton, and their Pianist was asking folks for requests.

I said to him, "Can you play an Etude by Chopin?"

He replied, "Which one?"

I responded, "The composer."