Comic Sans walks into a bar

The bartender says "Get out - We don't serve your type".

One day, I decided to visit my local comic book store...

It ended up having issues.

Back in my day, I could go to the store with a dollar and come back with a bag of chips and a comic book.

Now, they've got cameras

All the comic books I inherited from my brothers had the last pages missing.

I had to draw my own conclusions.

Anything can be comic and anything can be tragic -- that's my big point right there.

I don't think anybody in this room thinks it's funny when a child is decapitated by an airbag. But wouldn't it be a little bit funny if, for 15 minutes before that, the kid was going, 'Mommy, I want a balloon! Get me a balloon! Mommy, I want a balloon!'

KP Anderson

I saw a stand-up comic doing jokes about botany. Nobody in the audience laughed except one guy.

I looked at him and thought "you're a plant".

So DC Comics currency

Superman’s weakness is probably a *krypto* currency

Every time I go to a comic convention in my normal clothes, people ask me who I'm going as. I finally have an answer...

Thanks to Marvel, I'm going as a Skrull in disguise...

Three T-Rexes are walking when one of them brushes against a shiny stone.

A genie appears and grants them one wish each.

The first says
"Make a huge hunk of meat fall from the sky in front of me."
The genie clicks his finger and it happens. The first T-Rex begins eating happily.

Thinking of the possibilities the second T-Rex yells
"Make a shower ...

Why did Snoopy quit the comic strip?

He was tired of working for peanuts.

A comic with the measles did a set at an anti-vaxxers conference.

Needless to say he killed.

Breaking News: Snoopy has officially been retired from comics.

He was tired of working for Peanuts.

What do you call a comic drawn with only a pencil?

A graphite novel

I went to buy an Invisible Man comic yesterday.

I couldn't see any.

When is was a kid, mum used to send me the shops wtih 50p. i could come home with a chicken, 2 pints of milk, 6 eggs, 2 packs of bacon and a comic book...

You can't do this nowadays though because of CCTV.

My girlfriend just dumped me because of my superman comic collection.

She said I have too many issues.

After the stunning success of the most recent Ghostbusters movie it is herein announced that....

....the next Superwomen will be played by a man.

Signed

Marvel Comics

The CIA,The FBI and the KGB

The CIA, the FBI and the KGB argue about who’s the best at catching criminals.

The Secretary General of the UN decides to test them. He releases a rabbit into the woods and each of the divisions has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They ...

“Last Jewish Comic Standing,” was what our family named a game we came up with for our guests to play at our son’s Bar Mitzvah reception.

“Last Jewish Comic Standing,” was what our family named a game we came up with for our guests to play at our son’s Bar Mitzvah reception.

Each guest pulled a classic Jewish joke written on a piece of paper and told the joke to the crowd.

To prepare for this competition my wife, two son...

My relationship with a comic book collector didn't turn out well

They had a lot of issues

Marvel Comics have announced a new female, Muslim superhero who can fly.

Which is handy, cause she's not allowed to drive.

Damn girl, are you a comic book?

Cause you get a new issue every week

Who Is Jay Gatsby's Favorite Comic Book Character?

Deadpool.

Batman in school

When Bruce was still a kid and was in school, one day a teacher announced  “Listen, children. We’re going to play a game called ‘Three Questions’. When I come to you, I want you to answer these three questions. What’s your name? What’s your dad’s name? What does Dad do for a living?”

When she...

"Hey, Bill, what do you think of this new super-hero comic I'm working on? It's about an ant-size tangent line that has x-ray vision."

"Sounds cool, but isn't that a little derivative?"

Did you hear about the standup comic who was just released from prison?

Yeah, Gilbert got freed.

(I apologize to Gilbert.)

If i wrote comic books about standup comedy using my own material

I would be a comic comic comic.

I buy every comic book I see. . .

My friends say I have lots of issues.

My friends and I are all dressing as different Robin Williams characters at a Comic Con this weekend...

We're the Suicide Squad!

Comic: Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows?

Victim: No. I have not heard about the new corduroy pillows.
Comic: Really? I find that very surprising because they are making headlines everywhere!

I wore my "Gandalf for President" shirt to the comic convention.

It got a lot of support, but some were turned off by my candidate's hard stance on immigration.

I remember when I went to Comic-Con...

It was so dark in there, I had to take a picture with The Flash...

Why is Mary Jane so attractive in the comics?

Because Spidey needs a place to Park his Peter.

San Diego Comic Con and Dragoncon are going to pull their resources and merge into one event.

But it was called off because no one was happy with the con fusion.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a comic book hero that is constantly hooked on having sex with female superheroes?

A heroine addict.

Comic-Con Mysteries Panel

A friend of mine went to Comic-Con in San Diego a few years back, and attended a panel on mystery books and movies. Authors and actors there, a large panel, nearly 20 people. Most of the cast of the Sherlock Holmes movies and a few Agatha Christie adaptation were there. One of the audience members a...

Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Dilbert, Dogbert, Garfield, Jon Arbuckle, and a whole lot of comic strip characters and their pets were on an airplane flying from Miami to Los Angeles...

In the middle of the flight, the flight attendant gave out food to everyone but Charlie Brown and Snoopy.

They asked him why everyone else got some food and they didn't.

The flight attendant said, "Sorry, but we don't serve Peanuts on this flight."

Often, people use fiction as an escape. They live vicariously through the lives of people who don't have to deal with the same problems that they do.

For instance, whenever my parents are fighting, I like to read Batman comics.

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