Comic Sans walks in to a bar.

The bartender says, sorry we don’t serve your type.

Every time I go to a comic convention in my normal clothes, people ask me who I'm going as. I finally have an answer...

Thanks to Marvel, I'm going as a Skrull in disguise...

I went to buy an Invisible Man comic yesterday.

I couldn't see any.

A comic with the measles did a set at an anti-vaxxers conference.

Needless to say he killed.

Why did Snoopy quit the comic strip?

He was tired of working for peanuts.

Breaking News: Snoopy has officially been retired from comics.

He was tired of working for Peanuts.

What do you call a comic drawn with only a pencil?

A graphite novel

Three T-Rexes are walking when one of them brushes against a shiny stone.

A genie appears and grants them one wish each.

The first says
"Make a huge hunk of meat fall from the sky in front of me."
The genie clicks his finger and it happens. The first T-Rex begins eating happily.

Thinking of the possibilities the second T-Rex yells
"Make a shower ...

I'm like a comic book store

I got so many issues...

Why are skeletons good comics?

They are too humerus

The CIA,The FBI and the KGB

The CIA, the FBI and the KGB argue about who’s the best at catching criminals.

The Secretary General of the UN decides to test them. He releases a rabbit into the woods and each of the divisions has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They ...

My girlfriend just dumped me because of my superman comic collection.

She said I have too many issues.

There is one reason I’m not into comic books

There are too many issues in the industry

When is was a kid, mum used to send me the shops wtih 50p. i could come home with a chicken, 2 pints of milk, 6 eggs, 2 packs of bacon and a comic book...

You can't do this nowadays though because of CCTV.

My relationship with a comic book collector didn't turn out well

They had a lot of issues

“Last Jewish Comic Standing,” was what our family named a game we came up with for our guests to play at our son’s Bar Mitzvah reception.

“Last Jewish Comic Standing,” was what our family named a game we came up with for our guests to play at our son’s Bar Mitzvah reception.

Each guest pulled a classic Jewish joke written on a piece of paper and told the joke to the crowd.

To prepare for this competition my wife, two son...

"Hey, Bill, what do you think of this new super-hero comic I'm working on? It's about an ant-size tangent line that has x-ray vision."

"Sounds cool, but isn't that a little derivative?"

Marvel Comics have announced a new female, Muslim superhero who can fly.

Which is handy, cause she's not allowed to drive.

Damn girl, are you a comic book?

Cause you get a new issue every week

If i wrote comic books about standup comedy using my own material

I would be a comic comic comic.

Did you hear about the standup comic who was just released from prison?

Yeah, Gilbert got freed.

(I apologize to Gilbert.)

Who Is Jay Gatsby's Favorite Comic Book Character?

Deadpool.

My friends and I are all dressing as different Robin Williams characters at a Comic Con this weekend...

We're the Suicide Squad!

Comic: Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows?

Victim: No. I have not heard about the new corduroy pillows.
Comic: Really? I find that very surprising because they are making headlines everywhere!

I buy every comic book I see. . .

My friends say I have lots of issues.

I remember when I went to Comic-Con...

It was so dark in there, I had to take a picture with The Flash...

Why is Mary Jane so attractive in the comics?

Because Spidey needs a place to Park his Peter.

I wore my "Gandalf for President" shirt to the comic convention.

It got a lot of support, but some were turned off by my candidate's hard stance on immigration.

San Diego Comic Con and Dragoncon are going to pull their resources and merge into one event.

But it was called off because no one was happy with the con fusion.

Comic-Con Mysteries Panel

A friend of mine went to Comic-Con in San Diego a few years back, and attended a panel on mystery books and movies. Authors and actors there, a large panel, nearly 20 people. Most of the cast of the Sherlock Holmes movies and a few Agatha Christie adaptation were there. One of the audience members a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a comic book hero that is constantly hooked on having sex with female superheroes?

A heroine addict.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

As a former standup comic, a few words about all of the "comic thief" posts lately... It's more common than you think. (XPost on request)

For a couple years I was a professional stand-up comic. This was back in the 90s, so who wasn't one back then?. And by professional I mean "full-time job," not the "I do drunk open-mic nights" type.

There was an understanding in the industry. If your shit is funny, it will be stolen. It was p...

Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Dilbert, Dogbert, Garfield, Jon Arbuckle, and a whole lot of comic strip characters and their pets were on an airplane flying from Miami to Los Angeles...

In the middle of the flight, the flight attendant gave out food to everyone but Charlie Brown and Snoopy.

They asked him why everyone else got some food and they didn't.

The flight attendant said, "Sorry, but we don't serve Peanuts on this flight."

I got a job as a stand up with a comic sans resume, but i lost my CV

Now im a comic sans resume

A man is going to comic con

He's just throwing around cosplay ideas with his wife, and then he exclaims, "Oh! I could be the Comedian from Watchmen!"
To which his wife replies, "Babe, you don't need to dress up to be a minuteman.."

My father never told me why he removed the last page of my comics.

I drew my own conclusions.

People often use fiction to escape into the lives of people who don't have to deal with the same problems as them.

For instance, whenever my parents are fighting, I like to read Batman comics.