What did Russell Crowe do when the cannibal ate his wife?

Nothing – he was Gladiator

"A cannibal once took my sister to see a Russell Crowe film"

"Gladiator?"

"No, I really miss her"

The smartest detective in the world was brought in to help solve a terrible crime...

"We have a lot of suspects, sir," said the officer. "Why don't you tell me about them?" asks the detective.

"Well first, we found this guy hiding in the bushes." - "It wasn't Russell," replies the detective.

"How about the wife of this hippie?" - "Mississippi? Not her."

"We got...

A bloke took a couple of stuffed Jack Russell terriers into an antique dealer for appraisal. "What would you expect them to fetch if they were in good condition?", the dealer asked him.

"I don't know... Sticks?"

Russell Crowe showed no remorse after cannibalising his wife.

In fact, he seemed like he was Gladiator.

How did Russell Crowe feel about cannibalizing the woman?

Well...he was Gladiator.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Russell Crowe never regrets cunnilingus

He'll always be Gladiator.

A guide to waking up in the morning

Step 1: Buy a rooster

Step 2: Name it Russell

Step 3: Fall asleep

Step 4: Wake up to Russell Crowe

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in your pool?

Bob.

In a pile of leaves?

Russell.

In a hole?

Doug.

On a wall?

Art.

At your front door?

Matt.

Two armless legless men in front of your window?

Kurt and Rod.

What do you call a man under a pile of leaves? - Russell. What do you call a man under a pile of leaves for thousands of years?

Pete.

What did Russell Crowe say when he went down on his girlfriend?

I don't know, but he was Gladiator

What did Russell Crowe say when he found out that his ex-wife was eaten by a cannibal?

I'm gladiator.

Bill Russell tried to sell a championship ring to LeBron James for $1......

...... but LeBron only has 3 quarters.

Read online on a comment. LOL

How did the set react when it heard about the Russell Paradox?

It couldn't contain itself.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I found Peter Dinklage on a Hertzsprung–Russell diagram...

It said "white dwarf"

I was walking my dogs when a stranger approached me.

"Are they Jack Russell's?"
"Nah mate, they're mine" I replied.

Which toad is a great actor?

Russell Croak

What do you call a legless, armless amputee wiggling around in a pile of leaves?

Russell.

The set of natural numbers, the set of rational numbers, and the set of integers walk into a bar

Before long, they've had their fill and start causing drunken havoc, disturbing all the patrons. The bartender intends to get to the bottom of this matter. Reasoning that a mathematician would be able to help, he calls Bertrand Russell.

"Hey, I've got three sets in my bar and they're acting p...

A young, married Asian couple,

Russell and Amy Wong were expecting their first baby. When Amy went into labor, they rushed to the hospital and several hours later, Amy gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl. They were both over the moon with happiness.

Since it had gotten very late, Russell went home to get a few hou...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

COWBOY'S TOMB STONE

Headstone of Russell J. Larsen in the Logan City Cemetery, Logan, Utah! I wonder if he died knowing he won the 'Coolest Headstone' contest? His five rules for a happy life are below.

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, coo...

Don’t lean back on your chair

“You shouldn’t lean back on your chair you’ll become spastimacated”

“I don’t think that’s how you say it”

“That’s how he says it now”

Credit to Russell Howard

What do you call a man lost in the ocean?

Bob!

The woman hanging out her laundry: Peg

The man painting a picture: Art

The man stealing cash: Rob

The lady playing tennis: Annette

The lady with one leg: Eileen

The asian lady with one leg: Ireen

The man driving a truck: Laurie

The lady p...

A bunch of Hollywood celebrities formed two baseball teams...

...to raise money for a charity.

The day of the match arrived and everyone was ready. The celebrities were dressed in their outfits, some practising their throws and catches, others practising their swing. Russell Crowe was selected to umpire.

The match started, and the two teams, "The...

Quadriplegic jokes I've gathered from over the years.

What do you call a quadriplegic that hangs on your wall?

Art.

What do you call a quadriplegic that lays on your porch?

Matt.

What do you call a quadriplegic that is in a hole?

Doug.

What do you call a quadriplegic in a ditch?

Phil.

What do you ...

A genie grants a man three wishes ... "Whatever you wish for your ex-wife gets double"

" What is your first wish?" Asked the genie.
"I wish for $10 million." Said the man.
" Okay, your ex-wife gets $20 million. Next?"
" Okay, I wish for a mansion."
"Done, your ex now has 2 mansions. What is your final wish?"
The man pauses to think carefully.
"I wish for you to beat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Dad sent me this email titled "Politically Correct Jokes"

Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of Tippex.
I woke this morning with a huge correction.



The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers .......
So I did.... she's 21 and her name's Lucy



My girlfriend sa...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.