This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Russell Crowe never really liked performing cunnilingus on a woman but after having tried it for the first time...

he was gladiator.

What do you call a man in a bush?

Russell

Name the movie in which Russell Crowe acts as a zombie

Glad I ate her

A cannibal once took my sister to see a Russell Crowe movie?

“Gladiator?”

“No, I really miss her.”

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?

Russell

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a person with no arms and no legs...

At your front door? Matt.

Under a pile of leaves? Russell.

In your mailbox? Bill.

Hanging on a wall? Art.

In the middle of the ocean? Fucked. (Also Bob).

What do you call a guy who lives in a big paper bag?

Russell

Russell Crowe showed no remorse after cannibalising his wife.

In fact, he seemed like he was Gladiator.

Famous Philosophers

Aristotle - "what does it mean to be a good person"

Descartes - what does it mean to "be"

Nietzsche - "what does it mean"

Bertrand Russell - "what does 'it' mean"

C.S. Lewis - "what does it"

Lil Jon - "what"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three dogs are at the vet

The first, a Jack Russell Terrier, says, ‟I kept humping everything in sight. The neighbor's cat, my mster's leg, the couch, you name it. Plus, I peed in the corners and chewed the mail every time it got delivered. So they're going to neuter me to see if it'll calm me down.”

The second, a mut...

A bloke took a couple of stuffed Jack Russell terriers into an antique dealer for appraisal. "What would you expect them to fetch if they were in good condition?", the dealer asked him.

"I don't know... Sticks?"

What did Russell Crowe say when he went down on his girlfriend?

I don't know, but he was Gladiator

Late again!” the third-grade teacher sternly said to Little Johnny.

“It ain’t my fault this time, Miss Russell. You can blame this ‘un on my Daddy. The reason I’m three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!”

Now, Miss Russell had taught grammar school for thirty-some-odd years.

Despite her mounting fears, she asked Little Johnny what he meant by that....

It funny the things that seem normal when you're a kid.

There was always this kid at the park, covered in dry leaves. We used to call him Russell.

What did Russell Crowe say when he found out that his ex-wife was eaten by a cannibal?

I'm gladiator.

Bill Russell tried to sell a championship ring to LeBron James for $1......

...... but LeBron only has 3 quarters.

Read online on a comment. LOL

How did the set react when it heard about the Russell Paradox?

It couldn't contain itself.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I found Peter Dinklage on a Hertzsprung–Russell diagram...

It said "white dwarf"

The smartest detective in the world was brought in to help solve a terrible crime...

"We have a lot of suspects, sir," said the officer. "Why don't you tell me about them?" asks the detective.

"Well first, we found this guy hiding in the bushes." - "It wasn't Russell," replies the detective.

"How about the wife of this hippie?" - "Mississippi? Not her."

"We got...

When I was in the military we used to have comedy night, where everyone would sit and take turns telling jokes.

We didn't know many jokes however, so we made a list of all the jokes we knew, each joke had a number. For example, the "Everyone knows Dave" joke was number 10, the "Two priests in a bathtub" joke was number 15, and so on.

We always told the same jokes so we eventually memorized the whole li...

A guide to waking up in the morning

Step 1: Buy a rooster

Step 2: Name it Russell

Step 3: Fall asleep

Step 4: Wake up to Russell Crowe

The set of natural numbers, the set of rational numbers, and the set of integers walk into a bar

Before long, they've had their fill and start causing drunken havoc, disturbing all the patrons. The bartender intends to get to the bottom of this matter. Reasoning that a mathematician would be able to help, he calls Bertrand Russell.

"Hey, I've got three sets in my bar and they're acting p...

A young, married Asian couple,

Russell and Amy Wong were expecting their first baby. When Amy went into labor, they rushed to the hospital and several hours later, Amy gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl. They were both over the moon with happiness.

Since it had gotten very late, Russell went home to get a few hou...

I was walking my dogs when a stranger approached me.

"Are they Jack Russell's?"
"Nah mate, they're mine" I replied.

Which toad is a great actor?

Russell Croak

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

COWBOY'S TOMB STONE

Headstone of Russell J. Larsen in the Logan City Cemetery, Logan, Utah! I wonder if he died knowing he won the 'Coolest Headstone' contest? His five rules for a happy life are below.

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, coo...

Quadriplegic jokes I've gathered from over the years.

What do you call a quadriplegic that hangs on your wall?

Art.

What do you call a quadriplegic that lays on your porch?

Matt.

What do you call a quadriplegic that is in a hole?

Doug.

What do you call a quadriplegic in a ditch?

Phil.

What do you ...

A genie grants a man three wishes ... "Whatever you wish for your ex-wife gets double"

" What is your first wish?" Asked the genie.
"I wish for $10 million." Said the man.
" Okay, your ex-wife gets $20 million. Next?"
" Okay, I wish for a mansion."
"Done, your ex now has 2 mansions. What is your final wish?"
The man pauses to think carefully.
"I wish for you to beat...

Don’t lean back on your chair

“You shouldn’t lean back on your chair you’ll become spastimacated”

“I don’t think that’s how you say it”

“That’s how he says it now”

Credit to Russell Howard

A bunch of Hollywood celebrities formed two baseball teams...

...to raise money for a charity.

The day of the match arrived and everyone was ready. The celebrities were dressed in their outfits, some practising their throws and catches, others practising their swing. Russell Crowe was selected to umpire.

The match started, and the two teams, "The...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Dad sent me this email titled "Politically Correct Jokes"

Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of Tippex.
I woke this morning with a huge correction.



The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers .......
So I did.... she's 21 and her name's Lucy



My girlfriend sa...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.