UPJOKE
wartakecomesupposedwouldcouldtimetheybringreturnsoonbutturnputcoming

Go To War Jokes

Two countries go to war...

Ones president is a comedian, and the other is a joke.

A young Italian couple got married but the man had to go to war before they could consummate their marriage.

He returned a year later battle wounded missing part of his foot and burns on his back. The young lady was living with her mother. When he walks in the door he gives her a big hug and goes up stairs to take a shower.

The mom told the daughter “go upstairs and take care of your wifely duties”...

What do you call a shirt you go to war with?

A tank top!

France and Italy go to war. Who wins?

France.

France surrenders, but Italy switches sides.

How does a Octopus go to war?

Well armed

Why don't T-rex go to war?

Because they're short on arms.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Russians are going to war with germans

So russia declares war to germany... they plan out an attack... the soldiers start getting ready the day before.... and get thinking "Most of us will probably die tomorrow... we should get drunk". And so they do... they get completely wasted, sell all their tanks for more vodka, sell their guns, gre...

It's time to go to war!

Two armies at war. Red v Blue (let's say).. the Blue army Master Sergeant comes up to the First Sergeant.

MS: "Sir! We are completely out of weapons and ammo. What are we going to do when Red attacks tomorrow?"

FS: "Well.. (He ponders for a sec) When you see them come over the hill, go...

What type of military vehicle to fish go to war in?

A fish tank

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

King Arthur leaves the country to go to war

Before leaves he goes to the town's blacksmith and orders him to do a chastity belt for the queen with the logic of the guillotine. Before leaving he tells his trusted friend and adviser , sir Lancelot, to bring the court together and inform everyone of this.

When the king returns he tells si...

Some people say the difference between animals and humans is that animals never go to war.

They've never heard of Eric Burdon.

Why will Belgium go to war?

*This is a joke my dutch grandfather told me, the dutch make fun of Belgians*

Why will Belgium go to war with the Netherlands in 50 years?

Because that's when they understand the Belgian jokes they make about them.

Why will Belgium go to war with France in 50 years?

They ...

Why couldn’t the Grim Reaper go to war?

Because he supports all troops

I was told, if I voted for Hillary, they predicted Obamacare would continue and we'd go to war with Syria...

I did, and the predictions came true!

why you should never go to war against bhuddists

they have respawn

A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides

The first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people, the second is humbler, but has its fair share of wealth and power. The third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army.

The kingdoms eventually go to war over control of the lake, as it's a valuable r...

Why did the full chromosome human go to war

He was diploid

ISIS and Al-Qaeda go to war with each other. Who wins?

Everyone else

Do you know what happens to North Korea if they go to war with America ?

[removed]

If I were to tell you that we might go to war with friendly countries soon, well...

allied.

A soldier ran up to a nun

A soldier ran up to a nun, Out of breath he asked: "Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later."

The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police officer ran up and asked: "Sister, have you seen a soldier?"

The nun replied: "He went that way."

After the Military P...

A soldier in the middle of a war walks up to his commander...

"Commander, I have an issue. What am I doing here?"

The commander stunned, answered:

"What do you mean? You're here because you're at war with the enemy!"

The soldier looked around and asked:

"Who is my enemy?"

The commander irritatingly pointed to the enemy base.<...

Happy Fathers Day Quotes,,,

“You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.” —*Jerry Seinfeld*

“I gave my father $100 and said, ‘Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.’ So he went out and bought a present for my mother.” —*Rita ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three kingdoms lay on a triangle lake

One kingdom lies on each side of the lake. For decades, the king's had argued over it's true owner, each claiming to be the first kingdom to settle there, and many tales of magical swords and godly favours to claim divine right. Eventually, this story telling and legal battling came to no conclusion...

An economist was asked in a talk about how to solve 3 issues

"How would you solve the inevitable future problems of overpopulation, water and employment?"

"Well" he says, "In the future when the water get scarce, we will probably go to war so it can be secured, which will solve the employment problem, and the population should go down as well."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Look at the situation in Saudi Arabia

- Royal princes are getting killed

- they fuck their cousins

- they go to war with neighboring countries

- they have stupid rulers

It’s like Game of thrones - Middle East version

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two young men are conscripted into the army

Two young men are conscripted into the army and upon registering they decide to fail their physical exam and have all their teeth removed.
The two young men go to the army doctors office where they change into gowns to be examined. Between them is also a big bloke dressed in a gown and awaiti...

Gotta respect the people of Hong Kong for standing up and fighting the power. Can you imagine what life would be like under a dictatorship?

Can you imagine what life would be like under a dictatorship? They could let 1% of the people have the vast majority of the nation’s wealth. They could ignore the needs of the poor for health-care and education. They could help their rich friends get richer by cutting their taxes and bailing them ou...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.