This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A horny gorilla sees a lion bent over a small stream, taking a drink.

The gorilla runs up behind the lion, grabs on, and has his way with him. The gorilla then takes off running, with the very angry lion on his heels. As they run through the jungle, the gorilla gets a bit of a lead, and sees a British safari camp ahead.

The gorilla enters the camp, grabs some k...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've been taking Viagra for my sunburn.

It doesn't cure it but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night.

A new dating website has been taking Alabama by storm...

It's pretty uncommon in other places, so you may have heard of it. It's called OnlyFams.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Carl is in the 10th year of a life sentence when he gets a new cellmate, Jim. After taking some time to size Jim up and decide that he can trust him, Carl tells Jim about his plan to escape. "You see" Carl says "for the first 5 years I was inside, I trained my digestive system to follow my command.

Now I can eat something and it comes out broken down into its components." Jim is skeptical, but intrigued.

Carl continues: "For the *last* five years, I've been swallowing pieces off my uniform. It's perfect, because the guards just think it's rats chewing on it."

So Jim asks, "Well, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was taking a 6am stroll, when he saw someone crouching in a graveyard.

Trying to be polite, he tips his hat and says, “morning.”

The guy replies, “nah, just taking a shit.”

A grandfather and grandson are taking a walk around the yard after a rainstorm.

Seeing worms all over the sidewalk the grandfather decided to play a little prank on his grandson. "Billy," he says "I'll give you ten dollars if you can take one of those worms and put it back in it's hole."

Thinking this to be impossible, he watched as Billy played around with a worm for a ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A navy man and a marine are in the latrine, taking a piss (mildly nsfw)

A navy man and a marine are in the latrine, taking a piss. The navy man finishes up and goes over to the sink to wash up. The marine finishes up, zips up, and heads for the door. The navy man pipes up "in the navy, they teach us to wash our hands after taking a piss."

The marine replies "in t...

Why are people taking Ivermectin?

They think it behooves them

Two blondes were taking a walk through a bush when they came across a set of tracks.

‘I’m sure they’re bear tracks!’, said the first blonde.
‘No, they’re deer tracks’, said the second blonde, confidently.

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

A boy plans on taking his girlfriend to prom.

A boy plans on taking his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flower...

My sister is taking part in a social experiment. She has to wear a “Boris is doing his best “ t-shirt for 2 weeks and see how people react. So far she’s been spit on, punched and had a bottle thrown at her!

I’m curious to see what happens when she goes outside.

What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?

Family photo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) I’m still mad at my friend for taking my chicken without asking…

He jacked my cock with no warning at all.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man badly wanted to lick the princess' boobs.

He decided to ask his friend Johnny, who works in the palace. He promised 2,000 gold coins to Johnny, he agreed instantly with the deal.


A few days later, Johnny goes and sprinkles itching powder on the princess' bra while she was taking a bath. The plan worked successfully, when the pr...

A boss calls a meeting to discuss employees taking sick days when they aren’t sick.

He had suspected that this had been happening, but he finally had his proof. He held up a copy of the newspaper, and in the sports section, there was an article about an employee, who had supposedly been sick, winning a golf tournament.

“Wow” said someone in the back. “Imagine the score he co...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I recently decided to try taking dewormer for COVID treatment

So far I’m not sure if it’s helping with the COVID but I have stopped dragging my ass on the carpet

I’ve been having a lot of difficulty sleeping recently, but I’ve started taking an absolute wonder drug…

It’s called MDMA, I still don’t sleep but now I feel great about it!

The internet will never stop making fun of those taking Ivermectin for Covid.

Because the internet loves to beat a dead horse.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pregnant woman boards a bus. After taking a seat, she notices a man smiling at her. She feels self-conscious and changes her seat, but he seems even more amused. She moves a third time, and he starts to giggle. On her fourth move, he bursts out laughing.

They both get off the bus at the next stop. The pregnant woman is furious and demands an explanation. "What exactly is so damn funny?" "I'm sorry, ma'am," replies the giggling man. "But I couldn't help noticing you're pregnant, and when you first sat down, you sat under an advertisement which read '...

A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband.

Now he had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.
When he came to senses, he motioned for her to come near him.
As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you...

Nice to see that the Taliban are taking COVID seriously

They kill any woman not wearing a mask. They aren't playing around.

From a post on r/conservative I found.

I have a theory as to why the Cybertruck is taking so long to get in production:

They are experiencing an Elon-gated Delay!

Where exactly are you taking me doctor?

-Where exactly are you taking me doctor?

-To the morgue.

-What? But, I'm not dead yet.

-And we are not there yet!

Who was responsible for Christianity really taking off?

Pontious Pilate

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went into the cafe for lunch today and ordered the nicest looking thing on the menu, home-cooked steak pie. After taking the first bite, I called the owner over. "This is cold!", I complained..

"Well of course it is." She replied, "I live fucking miles away."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw a woman taking her pet for a walk

But I couldn't tell if it was a dog or a rooster.

I walked up to her and said "excuse me, can I ask what kind of pet that is?"

The woman replied "he's a cocker spaniel"

So I guess she didn't know either.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bear and rabbit are taking a shit in the woods

the bear turns to the rabbit and asks him "hey, do you have any problems with shit sticking to your fur?" the rabbit says "no." so the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit

One day Kevin was taking a stroll through the beach and found a magic lamp

Kevin immediately rubbed the magic lamp and a genie appeared

Genie : "You have freed me from 1000 years of slavery and I shall be granting you a wish. So be very careful when you wish."

Kevin : "Oh um, I wanna be Rich"

Genie : "Alright then, your wish is granted"

Rich : "...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar and sits next to a hitman who charges $10,000 a bullet

The man says "Aren't you the guy who charges 10k a bullet?" The hitman replies "Yeah, thats me." The man says "I have a job for you. I got 20k spare, and I found out my wife was cheating on me with my best friend. I want you to shoot my wife in the head, and my friend in the penis." The hitman accep...

Why should you be wary of Ash Ketchum when you're taking a shower?

Cos he might have a sneaky Pikachu

Taking a survey

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. He is approached by a representative from a beer company. "Hi, we're taking a poll about people's drinking habits, do you mind answering a few questions?" she asks. "Not at all, go ahead," the guy replies. "First, how old were you on your last birthday?" she...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a magician that's taking a piss?

A wizard

Mustaches are taking over

And it's happening right under our noses

Where were all the lumberjacks taking the train to?

Deforestation

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As an airplane is taking off and is gaining altitude, the pilot comes on the intercom:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain speaking. Thank you for choosing American Airlines. We are on our way to Miami and will reach cruisi..... FUCKING SHIT!! GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!"

For a moment, there as an eerie silence in the cabin. Then the pilot comes back on: "I ...

My mom asked were I was taking her for Mother’s Day?

I told her we have food at home!

What do you call the Kardashian family taking a swim in the ocean?

pollution

After a night out on the town, a Jewish couple is taking a cab home.

When they arrive, the cabbie says, "That'll be $46, please."

The husband gives him a $50 bill and waits.

"I'm sorry, but I don't have change to give you." says the cabbie.

The husband says, "No worries, you can take us for a spin around the block a couple of times."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Having sex in an elevator is a lot like taking hard drugs

You get fucked up, before a big cum down.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once had to pretend that i was taking a shit, so I dropped a bottle of soap in the toilet

It was a shampoo.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.