Which word has 6 letters, starts with an N and ends with an R and is related to a Race

NASCAR

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At the end of our first date, I sheepishly asked, "So, how do you feel about sex?" Giggling and blushing, she whispered, "I like it infrequently."

Puzzled, I asked, "I see. Is that one word or two?"

I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail,

but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.

The Teacher Asked the Class to Name Something that Ends in -Tor and Eats Things.

Gabe raised his hand first. He said, "Predator."

"Clever answer! They sure eat things!" The teacher told him.

Next, Dylan raised his hand. "Oh! I know! Raptor!"

"You are very smart! Raptors eat many different things," the teacher said.

Then, little Timmy answered. "Vibrat...

There's something a lot of girls want, that guys have below their waist. It starts with p and ends with s

Pockets

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What starts with “f” and ends with “k”?

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her more precocious students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what exactly is your problem?”
Harry answered, “I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she! I think I should be in the 3rd gra...

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The New York Philharmonic was conducting a rendition of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony

If you are not familiar with Beethoven's 9th Symphony it's a tremendous piece of work, but the bass line is atrocious. Not because it is complicated, but because it goes like this:

**"bbbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"**



And then approximately an hour an a half later it goes li...

What starts with an "O" and ends with "nions" and sometimes make you cry?

Opinions

Two Canadians die and end up in Hell.

The devil decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.

They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."

The devil, annoyed, storms away and goe...

At the end of the worship the priest asks his charge, "How many of you forgave your enemies?"

Everyone holds up their hands, except a fragile elderly lady.

"Are you denying forgiveness to your enemies?" the surprised priest asks.

"Oh no, dear," the grey haired woman says. "I just have no enemies."

"This is very unusual," the priest says. "How old are you?"

"I'm 98...

My wife recommended I do some light reading to relax at the end of the day

Not really relaxing, as my eyes are in pain, but I managed to make out, "60 Watts - Made in China."

(long) Three men die together and end up in front of the gates of Heaven...

St. Peter states to the three men "It is not widely known but in order to get into Heaven, you need to answer a simple question about religion." so, he turns to the first man and asks, "what is Easter?"

The man pauses and says, "Is that the holiday where we gather around the table with our fa...

What did the Allied forces call the German army as it retreated at the end of WWII?

A receding herr line

Why does England feel like it's two months ahead of us?

It's only March 28th here, but in England it feels like it's the end of May.

Two priests are standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads, “The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it’s too late!” They plan to hold up the sign to each passing car.

“Leave us alone, you religious nuts!” yells the first driver as he speeds by. From around the curve the priests hear screeching tires and a big splash.

“Do you think,” one priest says to other, “it would be better to shorten the sign to ‘Bridge Out’ instead?”

I told my friend that "Last night there was a rear-end collision in my parking lot. After that, the drunk guy that hit the car gave me $800 and drove away". My friend asked me "Is that enough to fix it?"

I said "I don't care, it wasn't my car."

My girlfriend and I agreed to try some roleplay in the sack, but right at the end she screamed out the wrong name!

That's the last time I'm ever letting her wear her Starbucks uniform in bed.

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A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.

’About 32,’ is the reply.’

‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’

Now she’s...

To celebrate the end of winter, my local bed shop is having a spring sale.

The rest of the bed is still full price though.

Went to the Coca-Cola factory last week. At the end of the tour our guide asked if I would like a complimentary beverage

"Sure. I'll have a regular Coke, please."

"Is Pepsi okay?"

I was suspicious or my girlffriend cheating on me with this guy from her gym. So i pick up her phone at night when she's sleeping ..

...and drive to this dude's place on the other side of the town and go to stand on his porch to see if the wifi connects

At the end of our night my date said she didn't want to walk to the bus stop on her own.

I said, "You won't be on your own. There's a guy behind us in a massive trench coat who's probably going there too."

What did the barber tell the janitor at the end of the day?

Take hair!

My 8 year old thought of it after his hair cut last night. I hope it’s OC as he doesn’t have a Reddit account, yet.

Two Alabamans decide to end their romantic relationship. One says to the other,

"Let's just be siblings."

Star Fish have an eye on the end of each leg

meaning all their treats are eye-candy

Did you hear about McDonald's trying to get into the high end steakhouse market?

It was a Big Mcsteak

My gf always wanted me to have a body like Thor

after seeing Endgame I have finally done it

When I drink, I always end up with rosy cheeks,

I wake up in the flower bed at the end of my garden the next day

I have a friend, Celine, from China. She is beautiful but so fragile.

Poor Celine.

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Called my friend.

I called my friend just now and said, "I have a joke for you."

Friend: "Ok shoot"

Me: "What has a tiny penis and hangs down?"

Friend: "I dunno what?"

Me: A bat.. now what has an enormous penis and hangs up?

Friend: I dunno what?


*Click*

A lawyer dies and goes to the end of a long line at the Pearly Gates.

To his surprise, St. Peter leaves his desk, walks over and greets him warmly. An angel takes the lawyer by the hand, guides him to the front of the line and settles him into a comfortable chair.

​

The lawyer says, "I appreciate all this attention, but what makes me so specia...

I heard on the news that some med school dropouts end up practicing proctology illegally.

It's certainly frowned upon, but inevitably some unqualified professionals end up slipping through the cracks.

“How did the car end up in the living room?” a furious father asks his son.

“Simple,” the boy replies. “I made a right at the kitchen.”

X marks the end of the alphabet...

...very badly

What State in the United States is High in the middle and round at the ends?

Ohio.

I spent half an hour trying to take off my girlfriends bra. I gave up in the end.

I wish I never tried it on in the first place.

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An attractive woman is sitting alone at the bar and sees a man with a military-style haircut sitting by himself at the other end, nursing his drink.

The woman notices that the man is looking glum and hasn't made any attempt to speak to anyone besides the barkeep. She takes a swig of liquid courage, saunters down the bar, and sits next to the man.

"Excuse me, sir, but are you a soldier? I couldn't help but notice your haircut!" The woman ...

I can't see an end. I have no control, and I don't see any escape. I"m not even sure I have a home anymore....

I think it's time for a new keyboard.

My flat-earther friend decided to walk to the end of the world to prove it's flat!

In the end, he came around.

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Did you hear about the taxidermist who mounted the back end of a lion

It was a cat ass trophy

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A man visits a prostitute who charges 20$ and ends up with crabs so he goes back and complains.

She replys: "It was only 20$. What were you expecting? Lobster?"

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My favorite joke: Everyone Knows Dave

Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"

"No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Da...

You are like the end piece of a loaf of bread

Everybody touches you but nobody actually wants you.

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Doug Pender lived all his life in the Florida Keys and is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons, are with him.

He asks for two witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place
to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:

"My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Ocean Reef houses."

"My daughter Sybil, you take the apartments between mile markers 100 and Tavernier."<...

What do you call karate kid with high-end guitar amp?

Marshall artist

At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “Can you tell me what happened before The Big Bang?”

The professor replied, “Sorry. No Time.”

I found this short, thin stick covered with flammable chemical at one end.

I rubbed it firmly against a rough surface. Suddenly I felt completeness and purpose in life. All the negative feelings such as bitterness and hate melted away. I started to see divine beauty around me and I was able to forgive everything. My mind was still. As I looked around me, I noticed there wa...

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A son is hesitating between 2 jobs so he asks his dad which one he should choose so he won’t end up in shit

Son: Dad, I don’t know what to choose dentist or construction worker

Dad: if you’re a dentist you’re okay, if you’re a construction worker it depends
Either you work on top of the building or on the ground

If you’re on the ground it’s okay, if you’re on the top it depends
Either ...

A monk and a priest are driving down a street in different directions. Oddly enough, they end up getting into a crash.

They both get out of their cars, infuriated that there had been a wreck.

But since both of them are men of God, they began to talk.

The priest says that it was fortunate for these two men of the cloth to have met in such a strange way.

The monk says that it was also lucky that h...

A lottery winner decides to fulfill his lifelong dream of owning a horse and goes to a high end stable.

"I'm not really sure which kind I want," he tells the owner.

"Well, it depends on what you want them to do," the owner says. "Over here, we have a Type A horse - good workers, but temperamental. Back there eating hay you have a Type B horse - mostly good for companionship."

"That soun...

The anti-vaxxer movement will end the same way that it started...

It'll go viral.

What's hairy on the outside, wet on the inside, begins with a C, has a U and an N in the middle, and ends with a T

COCONUT

Today, Senate Republicans declared that they see no path forward to end the government shutdown

In other words: they've hit a wall

A wife's husband and her lover end up at the same backyard party.

They are actually talking to each other, though somewhat unacquainted. The wife wants to somehow interject and separate the two.

"Honey, do you want a beer?"

"Yes."

"Yes."

She hustles off. flustered and embarrassed at **both** of them responding.

The husband looks...

PUBG swore they would end fortnite.

2 weeks later, Fortnight was over.

There once was a farmer who loves tractors. He would go into this shop and stare at this beautiful bright red tractor for hours on end.

The manager would come up to him and say “sorry we’re closing” and the farmer would ask for just 10 more minutes to stare at the tractor. The manager would allow it and keep the shop open a little longer to accommodate his obsession.

The next day, the farmer walks in and stares in awe at the ...

The farmer and his wife needed a new bull...

There was a man who lived on a farm with his wife in the middle of nowhere. All they owned was a truck, a few cows, and an old bull. They didn't have much, but they were happy.

One day, the farmer woke up and found that the bull had died. He went to his wife and said, "I take our money into ...

What word starts with M and ends with arriage?

Miscarriage. This joke never gets old, neither does the baby

Breaking News: Government shutdown ends as Bill Gates has agreed to pay for Trump's wall

On the condition that he gets to install windows.

I got spit on by a farm animal and thought it was the end of the world.

It was just the alpaca lips.

The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage

She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns.

&#x200B;

I look at therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one!"

&#x200B;

&#x200B;

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A guy goes into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, “that’ll be a dollar”

The guy thinks, “man, that’s cheap,” but the beer was delicious. So he finishes his beer and decides to take a chance. “Bartender, I’ll have your finest wine” bartender goes through a long process of showing the bottle. Opening it. Aerating the wine. Pouring it into nice a nice glass and says. “Tha...

What starts with "e," ends with "e," and contains one letter?

An envelope.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound.

The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway an...

Police are currently on the search for a man who steals the ends of jokes.

He is described as being a tall, blond man with a very big

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One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story.

The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story.

Little Suzy raises her hand.

"My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market.

Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all th...

What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?

One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

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Girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic...

But if I’m gonna have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.

When you're trying to slingshot around Jupiter but you run out of fuel and end up on a collision course with one of Jupiter's moons...

Europa creek with no paddle.

I hope someone smiles at this dumb space joke.

My teacher pointed towards me with his ruler and said "At the end of this ruler, there's an idiot."

I got detention after asking which end.

My dyslexia is a little unique. I often end up reading words backwards, without realising, and it annoys the hell out of people. I sit by my bed and pray every single night for it to go away, "maybe he'll fix it", I thought...

After all, God is a man's best friend.

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Cashier: Would you like to donate $2 to end world hunger?

Me: Of course. Holy shit, I had no idea we were that close.

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An Airman, Sailor, Marine, and an Army Ranger end up on an island full of cannibals. They were captured, blindfolded, and sent to the cannibal chief.

Mobile, so formatting. Here's a few different iterations of the joke.

The chief says, "Well, gentlemen, unfortunately for you, we are going to build canoes out of your skin. However, because you all are warriors, I will grant you the option to choose how you will die."

A

The ...

A cute girl at work said she'd only go on a date with me on a day that doesn't end in 'Y'

I said "Great! I'll pick you up tomorrow!"

My financial adviser asked me what I bring home at the end of every month.

"Crippling depression," I told him.

The end of liFe is ironic.

If you know even a bit of chemistry, you'll get it.

Quickest way to end a war...

Lose it

Someone recently said to me, "Next time I see you, I'm gonna beat you so bad you'll end up in the hospital."

So I said to him, "Not if ICU first."

Person 1: The best way to end an argument is to say “you’re right”.

Person 2: What do you mean, that’s never going to work.

Person 1: You’re right...

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A priest is sitting inside the church, when a guy comes in and asks to be confessed.

“Very well, my child,” says the priest, as he leads the man into the confession booth, “Tell me about your sins.”

“Well, Father,” says the guy, “On Monday, I was at my girlfriend’s house, and, well… the two of us alone, the house empty… I sinned, Father.”

“Don’t worry, child,” says the...

Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake.

"I'll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town's only doctor, who is delivering a baby. "I can't leave," the doctor says. "But here's what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground." Th...

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A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3.

The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4.
I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal.
The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

**Principal:** What is 3+3?

**Boy:** 6....

I tried to teach a ghost addition. Despite its efforts, in the end, it could only add 1 at a time.

I was disappointed, but I guess it's the spirit that counts.

Told my nephew the story of the grasshopper and the ant. The ant saved up for winter while the grasshopper didn't. I asked my nephew at the end of the story Me:What is the moral of the story?

Nephew: You should never live in a Fall's sense of security

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A biker walks into a bar and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.

He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:

Hamburger - 2.99

Cheeseburger - 3.99

Chicken Sandwich - 4.99

Hand Jobs - 19.99

The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, busty, beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at th...

Riddle: A flat-earther and a round-earther enter a maze at the same time. They each have a compass, and both know that the exit is on the North end of the maze. Which one exits the maze first?

The round-earther exits first, because the flat-earther died of measles while inside.

Michael Cohen's new book ends the same way as Trump's stories.

At chapter 11.

Why are people in New York always so sad?

Because the light at the end of the tunnel is *New Jersey*

How do noodles end their prayers?

Ramen.

A yoga instructor ends every class with a mediation, allowing people lay down and relax before slowly filing out for the night. A half hour passes and the instructor is surprised to see one man remain in her studio.

Annoyed, she walks over to him and asks if he plans on leaving anytime soon .
The man takes a deep, meditative breath and calmly replies, “Nah, Imma stay”.

Putting 'not' to the end of your usual joke makes your wife smile again

not

It's sad to see so many pictures end up in jail.

Most have been framed.

How to end a conversation with a really hot girl you befriended online ?

Reply: "I am from Delhi,India."

TIL I’m slightly less concerned if the world ends tomorrow

It’s already tomorrow in Australia

The pessimist sees a tunnel. The optimist a light a the end of the tunnel. The realist sees a train...

The train engineer sees three idiots on the railroad tracks.

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A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says “Make me one with everything”.

The hot dog vendor hands over the sausage and bun with all the trimmings, and the Buddhist hands over a twenty. The vendor pockets it.

The Buddhist asks “Where’s my change?” and the vendor replies “change must come from within”.

A gun then extends from the Buddhist’s chest and he asks...

And John said to the Lord, “Verily, the world will end with trumpets.”

God: No, I said Trump Pence.

John: Trumpets. Got it.

God: No... never mind.

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I've got to go to hospital tomorrow to have a mole removed from the end of my cock,

That's the last time I try and fuck one of those.

I've decided to get a PhD in how much soda you should have for the end of the world.

Dr. Prepper, at your service.

I'm going to make 2 companies. Competing with Microsoft will be Megahard. Competing with The North Face will be The South End.

Now to make the logos...

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What sits at the end of your bed and takes the piss?

A kidney dialysis machine!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a man working at a stable auction at the end of the day?

A hoarse whisperer.

Solider 1: Don’t die on me, you hear me!? Soldier 2: I’ve been lung shot. This is the end for me. Tell my wife I love her...

...sister

Explaining a joke is a bit like an STD at an orgy

Generally everyone gets it in the end but it’s not really funny

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates…

The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time.

After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area.

Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens o...