The 10th Fast and Furious film should be called....

Fast 10 Your Seat Belt.

At the parole hearing, the officer asked, "Tell me, why should you be released early?" The inmate responded, "It’s bec..."

Officer: Yes?

Inmate: I think I have..

Officer: Go on.

Inmate: Can I Please finish my sentence?

Officer: Sure. Parole denied.

Passenger: why should I have to wear a mask if yours works?

Passenger: why should I have to wear a mask if yours works?

Driver: damn good point *turns off headlights*

Passenger: what are you doing it’s dark

Driver: chill the other cars have them on

Reddit's logo should be a bit more green.

To symbolize the amount of reused and recycled content.

What should you do if you are addicted to seaweed?

Sea-kelp

I asked the doctor where I should put my pants during my prostate examination.

“Over there next to mine,” was not the answer I was expecting.

America should go 4 years with no president after this term ends.

Taking some time to be single after an abusive relationship is really important.

Why should you never fight a dinosaur?

Because you’ll get jurasskicked!

Bill Gates and Elon Musk should team-up and make a medicine to treat erectile dysfunction,

And name it ElonGates

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What should be the last lyric of Cardi B’s song “Wet Ass Pussy”?

The Aristocrats

Reddit should rename 'share' to 'spreddit', 'delete' to 'shreddit' and 'karma' to 'creddit'. Yet they haven't.

I don’t geddit.

Eddits:

Courtesy to The_maxi : I propose to add a function to remove awards and name it “regreddit“

A friend set me up on a blind date. He said "She's a lovely girl, but there's something you should know. She's expecting a baby"

I felt like a right idiot sitting in a bar wearing nothing but a diaper.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife walked in on me while I was watching porn

In a panic reflex I instantly changed to a random channel, the fishing channel.

As my wife walked out again she said: "you should stay on the porn channel... you know how to fish."

This 4th of July, the British should celebrate Independence Day too.

Now they feel like they dodged a bullet.

After some careful consideration during breakfast this morning, I realized that Froot Loops should have been called...

Queerios

Parents should be cautious about having there kids do virtual learning...

The internet has a lot of PDF files.

Girl: Come over

Guy: I'm coming over

Girl: We should stop using Walkie-Talkies in bed over

After the COVID-19 pandemic winds down, we should honor truck drivers with a national holiday on October 4th.

A big 10-4, if you will.

My wife said that I should get in touch with my feminine side.

So I crashed the car.

Then I ignored her all day for no reason.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The king of a country has planted a razor in the queen's vagina in order to find out which guard she is cheating with.

in the evening, while she is sleeping.

Next day comes, and he orders them to get undressed to check on their penises, and sees that each one's was cut except for a single one's. The king yells:

\- Finally, a loyal guard to his king and country! All of you traitors should have followed ...

I was told I should rearrange my mood.

But that could spell my doom.

They should first test the Covid vaccine on Trump....

If he's safe, the vaccine is good.

But, if he dies, the country is safe.

They are two rules you should follow your entire life

1 . Never tell anybody everything

My grandfather always said: "If you hit something with the car, you should release it from its suffering"

Still, I felt sorry for the cyclist

Your essays should be like a girls skirt.

Long enough to cover the subject, short enough to keep it interesting and on the desk by Friday midnight.

What should you do if you are addicted to sea weed?

Sea kelp.

A man went to the hospital to visit his mother-in-law, who was in serious condition. On the way back the wife, very worried, asks: "So, honey? How's my mom doing?"

He replies: "She looks great! She is in good health! She will still live for many years! Next week she will be released from the hospital and will come and live with us, forever!"
"Wow that's amazing!" - says the wife - "But this is very strange, dear... yesterday she seemed to be on her deathb...

Why should you never fart in an apple store?

They don't have Windows!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"The first thing you should know about working in a mortuary..."

... the teacher said as he removed his latex glove and inserted a finger right up the ass of the body on the table, "You can't be squeamish."

He then stuck his finger in his mouth.

The students grimaced as he motioned for them to line up and do the same.

When the last student ha...

My wife's mad at me because last night she asked me if I could have a threesome which of her friends would I choose.

I guess I probably shouldn't have chosen 2 of them.

Why should you never get undressed in front of a Pokemon?

They might Pikachu

A man walks into a gym and asks the receptionist: “what machine should I use to impress women?”

She responded swiftly (pointing outside the door) saying “The ATM machine, sir...”

I joined a gym and said to the trainer, “I want to impress beautiful girls, which machine should I use?”

He said, “Try the ATM outside.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was an election inside a body. The brain said "without me this body loses control, i am the coordinator, so i should be the president"

The lungs objected "if we stop working you all die in a few minutes, we should be the ones who rule".

The heart sneered "if i stop, you will die within a few seconds, i am the president."

The ass exclaimed "I am the most vital organ, you don't get it, but i will show you" and the ass ...

I should’ve known my girlfriend was a communist...

There were so many red flags.

A frenchman walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulde wearing a tuxedo

"Well isn't he beautiful" Says the bartender. "Where did you get him?"

"In France, there are tons of them." the parrot replies.

Why should wives cook for their husbands?

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Because as per Geneva convention, all prisoners must be fed!!!

A soldier approaches a nun.

"I don't want to be rude, but can I please hide under your dress? I'll explain later." Said the man.

"Go ahead", answered the nun.

Two high ranked army-officers walk up and ask the nun: "have you, by any coincidence, seen a soldier?"

After the officers disappear the soldier lea...

This year is all about noticing things we should’ve done differently. Should’ve done more to stop the spread of the virus, police brutality, wildfires, climate change...but you know what they say about hindsight...

It’s 2020.

Why should you get a gamer girl gf?

She can bring joy to your stick

Yo Mama jokes should totally be removed from this sub. They're old, a waste of space, repetitive, overrated, and trash.

JUST LIKE YO MAMA!

Actual conversation today. My wife: "i'm tired of anaesthesiology. What other area of medicine should I try?"

Me: I don't know. Emerg?
Wife: Nah, I want something lower stress. Hey, what about sleep medicine?
Me: Sleep medicine?
Wife: Like, helping people with sleep disorders and such. I wonder what sort of education i'd need?
Me: Probably night school.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say that to make a perfect cup of tea, you should agitate the bag

...so I slapped her on the arse and said, "pop the kettle on, fatty".

What should you do when you come across an elephant?

Apologize and wipe it off.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So should children witness childbirth or not?

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her Mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed ...

Why should you never listen to coins?

It never makes any cents

They say you should never make the same mistake twice

So I make them at least 5 times just to be sure

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Group of guys, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.

Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where
they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet
at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were attractive.
The food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.

Ten years ...

You should never date a tennis player

Love means nothing to them

If Trump really wanted Hillary to be locked up...

He should have just hired her!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man wins the lottery, and gleefully rushes home to tell his wife. Pack your bags honey, I've won it big! That's amazing she says. Should I pack for the beach? The mountains? Italy? France?

It doesn't matter, he says, just get the fuck out!

Interviewer: Why should we hire you?

Me: I have many hidden talents

Interviewer: Like??

Me: I don’t know, they’re all hidden.

A wealthy, but stingy father was trying to put a birthday party together for his 16 y/o daughter.

He wanted the party to be extravagant but wanted to spend as little money as possible. He had finished all of the other decorations, and he was left to work on the cake.

"Why not get it ordered from an upscale bakery?" his wife said.

So the father visited a ton of different bakeries an...

Jack, a renown atheist, dies and to his utter surprise ends up in hell where he's greeted by Satan himself.

Completely shocked he talks to the devil and says: "Welp, I've been wrong all my life and I guess I'm now to pay the price for my lack of faith"

Satan laughs and replies: "Awh it's not so bad down here, let me give you the tour so you can see for yourself"

He then proceeds to escort Ja...

What precaution should you take after you break your leg in two places?

Avoid those two places.

A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, “You should’ve been here at 8:30!”

He replies. “Why? What happened at 8:30?”

Reddit should rename 'share' to 'spreddit', 'delete' to 'shreddit' and 'karma' to 'creddit'.

Yet they haven't. I don't geddit.

I was wearing my most kawaii outfit the other day and this guy, who was no where near as kawaii as me, started saying how I should dress up in kawaii stuff. I was like, mate. I'm more kawaii than you...

You're preaching to the kawaii-er.

In light of the recent debates on whether Splash Mountain should remain the same or be remodeled after "The Princess and the Frog", let me give you some hints on which Disney movie I think it should be based on.

1. It's far from the most popular Disney film, but it definitely isn't without its fans.
2. It is notable for taking place in the Americas and featuring a mostly non-white cast.
3. One of the main characters of the movie is a selfish and lazy teenage prince who likes to party.
4. This princ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist told me I should second guess myself less

[Edited]

You should never fat-shame people

They've already got enough on their plate

Wife was mowing the yard in her bikini. Neighbor says "you should be hung!"

"I am; that's why she mows."

The troubles of foreigners in Canada

A patron in a Montreal restaurant turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded.

"This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked 'C' gave me boiling water."

"But, Monsieur, 'C' stands for chaud – French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."

"Wait a...

Of course I should clean the windows....

... but privacy is also important.

They should have a follow-up to the G7 summit a week later.

They could call it the the C Major summit. Maybe that would resolve everything.

The stereotype that women should only be in the kitchen is awful.

The rest of the house needs to be cleaned, too!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Queen's breasts

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.


Sid, the Dragon Slayer, obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death, should he try to touch them, but he had to try.


One day Sid revealed his secret desire to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate that SEPTember, OCTober, NOVember, and DECember aren't the 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th months......

Whoever fucked this up should be stabbed!

People keep telling me the fact I lost my ability to smell could be due to Corona and I should get tested.

That's nonsense, I think it's due to the frequent washing.

Finding your lost luggage at the airport should be easy......

however, that's not the case.

We should re-download 2020

Because it has a virus

Wife gets a text from husband saying "I think we should break up."

The wife, very confused, says to the husband, "You know I live with you. If you wanted to separate, you could have walked over and told me."

The husband replies, "Sorry babe. Wrong person."

You know why you should never ask a dog for an estimate on something?

Because it's always ruff...

(Thought of this while walking the dog and now just hoping it's good enough that one day I see it reposted in here)

The guy who sold me these pigs said I should bathe them every day.

Hogwash.

My wife keeps asking me how her clothes look. Today she asked me if she should wear a mask.

As usual I said, "Yeah, it makes you look better." Apparently, this time it wasn't the correct answer.

We should tell Britain, Spain, and Portugal that there are tons of gold out in space

So they can put more effort into space travel and space colonization.

I really should stop procrastinating on my meteorology paper.

It’s about dew.

Husband: You should learn to embrace your mistakes.

\*Wife gives him a tight hug immediately\*

A duck walks into a bar and asks for a shot of tequila. The bartender asks, “Should I put it on your tab?”

The duck goes, “no put it on my bill.”

Some races are inferior and should be eliminated

No offense, I just don't enjoy Nascar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My son asked, “Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!”

I gently put my arm around him and replied, “That’s easy son…”

“Stop eating caterpillars!”

What kind of music should you listen to when you're fishing?

Something catchy!

Why should the number 288 never be mentioned?

Because it's two gross.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We should stop calling anti-maskers pussies, that's not true.

They're complete cunts.

If a man has 1,000 bees, then you should marry him right away.

Trust me, he's a keeper.

Date: I should go…

Me: (struggling to climb out of McDonald’s ball pit) Are you sure?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man should ejaculate 21 times per month

Research says a man should ejaculate 21 times per month to reduce risk of developing prostate cancer.

It's June 2020 and I'm already done with August 2023

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The man hooking up with a lady warned her at the bar, "You should know I have a baby-sized Penis"

The lady says that's just fine and size doesn't matter.

They get to his apartment and he pulls down his pants, showing off an absolutely massive penis unlike anything she'd ever seen before.

"WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?!" she shrieks in terror.

"I told you I had a baby-sized Penis...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A gray haired Army general walks into a hotel bar and sits down next to a young, attractive woman.

They hit it off, and she likes a man in uniform, so she says, “Why don’t you come up to my room?”

The general says, “I’m flattered but at my age I’m not sure if things would work the way you hope.”

She says, “But you’re in good shape...tell me, when was the last time you had sex?”
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Reasons girls should swallow

How the fuck else are they supposed to eat, you idiot?

A little girl asks her father: "Daddy, what is corruption?"

-- Go bring me a beer and I'll tell you.

-- But mommy said you should stop drinking!

-- Get yourself an ice-cream too while you bring me that beer.

-- Oh, okay!

They say you should just let sleeping dogs lie.

But what if they're under oath?

What kind of flour should you use to make a cake for a cat?

All purr-puss flour.

What doctor should never draw your blood?

Dr acula

Two ducks check into a hotel for their honeymoon. The we’re making out and the male duck said “I forgot to bring any condoms!” So he phones reception to see if they can help out. “Condoms? Of course sir. Should I put them on your bill?”...

“No way! If you did that I’d suffocate!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The only word you should call women is “beautiful”.

Because bitches love it when you call them beautiful.

Someone should make an electronics shop that sells resistors and call it:

The Ohm Depot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ.

Unfortunately, she distracted the male part of the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.

So one of the ladies approached Susan very discreetly about the problem, & ...

Why should golfers always wear two pants?

Incase you get a hole in one

The US confederate flags supporters should be proud.

They are part of a long line of countries that lost wars to the USA.

Electricians should join the army

They'll make great solders

The political parties can't agree on what a second economic stimulus package should look like. Democrats want every American to receive a $1,200.00 check, while Republicans favor giving everybody 10 pounds of Parmesean cheese.

The GOP wants to "Make America Grate Again".

I don't think LGBT people should ride bikes.

They don't exactly go straight.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A male whale and a female whale are swimming were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship.

The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father years ago. He said to the female whale, “let’s both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink.” They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and sank.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jesus and Moses go Fishing

Jesus and Moses are sitting by a riverbank, fishing, and shooting the shit about the good ol' days.

Moses says, "I had a few great days, but I have to say, that day I parted the Red Sea was the best of them. Man, that was spectacular! You should have seen the look on everyone's faces." ...

Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritis pain. In other words...

...there is joint support for joint support for joint support...

A guy was paddling a small boat on a lake when it got very cold so he started a fire. He should have known better because ...

You can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

Little Emily went home from school and told her mum that the boys kept asking her to do cartwheels because she's very good at them. Mum said, "You should say "No", they only want to look at your knickers."

Emily said, "I know they do. That's why I hide them in my bag"!

The US government should use ICE to ensure kids are going to school this fall

They have a pretty good track record of separating kids from their families

What should you do if drinking coffee hurts your eyes?

Take the spoon out of the cup.

Why you should always borrow money from a pessimist

Becouse they never expect to get it back

I should cut my long lockdown hair, but I just can't

It's really been growing on me

What should Quentin Tarantino do if he's tested positive for coronavirus?

Tent-in Quarantino.

Old man goes to church

One Sunday morning an old cowboy entered a church just before services
were to begin. Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean,
he wore jeans, a denim shirt and boots that were very worn and ragged. In
his hand he carried a worn out old hat and an equally worn out Bible....

You should never roll a pair of CD’s down a hill and see which one reaches the bottom first.

It would be a disk race.

My boyfriend never gets my fruit puns

Perhaps I should let this mango.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day a man and woman were in their bedroom making love

All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the lady parted her legs, the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming, "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!"

The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor though...

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife..
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it's 3am in the morning and it's bloomin'w...

If you feel the Bern you should vote for Bernie Sanders

That way you can get a doctor to take a look at it

During covid, my orthodontist told my I should tend to my teeth by myself.

“How?” I asked.

He said “Brace yourself.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman complained to a co-worker that she hadn't been on a date in a very long time. The co-worker mentioned that a Chinese doctor had recently opened a sex clinic and she should try him out.

She made an appointment and the doctor asked her what her problem was. "Nobody ever asks me out on a date"

The doctor told her to undress completely and get down on all fours.

"Now crawr away from me rearry fass."

So she crawled across the room away from him really fast. and tur...

Mom- "you should apply to work at the white house"

Me- "why? I'm not qualified."

Mom- "that's the point nobody in the current administration is."

Why should you never buy flowers from a monk?

Because only you can prevent florist friars

“Doctor, I intend to not vaccinate my son. Should I take any precautions?”

“Yes. Don’t get too attached to him”.

You should get a candle.

If you have a smelly room I would recommend getting a candle. It just makes scents.

Pregnant wife: What should we call it if it’s a girl?

**me:** Herbert

**pregnant wife:** but what if it’s a b-

**me:** Himbert

If Trump were captain of the RMs Titanic

There isn't any iceberg.
There was an iceberg but it's in a totally different ocean.
The iceberg is in this ocean but it will melt very soon.
There is an iceberg but we didn't hit the iceberg.
We hit the iceberg, but the damage will be repaired very shortly.
The iceberg is a...

A man's girlfriend went to Europe for 5 days with some girlfriends.

She asked her boyfriend to watch her cat while she was gone. The first day she was gone, the cat was hit by a car and was killed. The first day she was gone she called and asked how her cat was doing. He didn't want to ruin her vacation so he said the cat was fine. The second day she called and he s...

Women should not have children after 35. Really…

35 children are enough.

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.

On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, Ma'am", he ...

In retrospect, I should have known rubbing ketchup on my eyes would be useless.

Oh well, Heinz-sight is 20/20 I guess.

Any married man should forget his mistakes

there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

People should stop picking on anti-vaxxers...

....After all, they’re practically defenseless!

Politicians should be limited to two terms.

One in office and one in prison

Kid asks his mum if he should bully Hispanics

his mum says no Juan deserves it

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