Why did Star Wars 4,5 and 6 come before 1,2 and 3?

Because in charge of the schedule Yoda was

Two men were washed ashore during World War I.

Their ship, an aging minesweeping model, had wrecked off the coast. As they sought shelter in a makeshift camp, one of them managed to salvage a radio and quickly telegraphed an SOS with their coordinates.

To their surprise, a ship responded within the hour, saying it could be at their locat...

So my friend decided to get a face tattoo of her favourite Star Wars character

You should've seen the Luke on her face.

My Grandfather survived pepper spray and mustard gas during world war 2

He’s a seasoned veteran.

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A man is lost in the woods and it is getting dark.

As he walks through the woods he comes across a small cabin. He goes up to the cabin and knocks on the door. An old Chinese man opens it. 

“I’m lost in the woods and I need somewhere to stay for the night,” the man said. “Can I please stay here?” 

“Sure,” said the Chinese man. “But as ...

The avengers “infinity war” movie was almost 3 hours...

But I felt like it ended in a snap!

Cold War Era Joke: This Russian dude had a talking parrot. A very special parrot who loved cursing the regime, and the Communist party leaders. One day, hard knocks on the door, "KGB, open up!". The guy hides the parrot in the freezer. The KGB searches the apartment and cannot find the parrot.

The KGB agents give the guy a warning. Once they leave, he runs to the freezer takes out the shivering bird and hugs it and tells the parrot to curse the revolution. The parrot is mum. "Com'on curse Brezhniev , curse the KGB. The parrot looks at the guy and says "I've just been to Siberia! I'm not t...

Cold War Era Joke: The chairman of the Communist party decides to go check how his fellow comrades are doing. He walks into a dreadful cinema and sits down. Before the movie starts, there is 15 minutes of communist propaganda, with him giving a boring speech at the end. Everyone stands up and

Starts clapping and cheering enthusiastically.

The chairman is so humbled and stays seated, soaking in the love.

A few minutes into the cheering the guy on his left bends over and whispers directly in his ear.

"Comrade, I know how you feel, but if don't want to be sent to Siberi...

My Grandad, who died in the war, could only be a chef due to his dyslexia.

He went out all buns glazing.

So, in "Infinity War"...

Doctor Strange is in battle with Thanos. He sees all the future scenarios that are possible. He lets Thanos get the infinity gauntlet, allowing the deaths of half the universe. He never tells anyone what exactly he saw. The other Avengers saw this as being an incredibly cruel decision to make.
...

What does *The Art of War* have in common with *Die Hard*?

Both postulate one key thing: Victory cannot be savored without first experiencing the agony of de feet.

A knight and his footmen were holding a castle during a war.

One of the footmen guarding the gatehousse begins calling.

"SIRE, WE SEE A BATTALION IN THE DISTANCE"

The knight orders the men to defensive positions and rushes up the wall where the footman points at the indistinct and distant mass of men.

"What do you think? Friends or foe?" ...

A soldier looks at the sky and suddenly yells: "we gotta act fast, it's about to neutralize our base!". His commanding officer says: "What the hell are you talking about, we ain't even at war!?"

The soldier replies: "Acid rain".

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An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines.

He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.
...

My son Luke loves that we chose Star Wars characters as an inspiration when naming our kids.

Chewbacca and his brother Boba Fett are less amused.

My Star Wars obsessed son wouldn't stop asking for a car.

So I bought him a toy Yoda.

If the eagle is the bird of war and the dove is the bird of Love ! What is the bird of true love ?

The Swallow!

The trade war between the U.S. and China is really devolving

Into a case of he said, Xi said.

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The other day, a bunch of prostitutes played tug of war with some prisoners. Somehow, the prostitutes won.

I guess the pros outweighed the cons.

My friend and I went out for lunch. Once the bill came, we played tug of war with it until my hand slipped accidentally knocking over his lunch.

Looks like lunch is on him.

The greatest devastation from the Cold War ...

is that most Americans believe it was an actual war.

Why was Star Wars shot Episodes 4, 5, 6, then 1, 2, 3?

Because in charge of direction, Yoda was.

I feel like some of the strategies used in World War One were a little...

Over the Top

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I asked my wife to dress as my favourite Star Wars character for some sexy birthday fun

I walked into the bedroom that night and I was shocked,

"Love, Jabba the Hut is not my favourite Star Wars character" I exclaimed,

"Fuck off" She shouted "I haven't got dressed yet"

I declare a war on calendars!

Their days are numbered.

A famous French fighter pilot ace in WW1 is on a picnic at his estate with a beautiful woman after the war...

After eating and laying on the charm, he asks to kiss her. Being quite smitten by his good looks, she happily accepts. He drips a rich merlot on her lips and proceeds to kiss her. After a few moments, she works up the nerve to ask “your lips are amazing, but what’s with the wine?”

He repli...

My wife told me she was leaving me because she couldn’t live with me always making stupid Star Wars puns.

I said, “Divorce is strong with this one…”

Puns about the civil war? I General Lee don’t like them

Are puns even allowed on this subreddit?

My grandfather was in the war

He got bored one day in the trenches so he invented the Hi-Vis Jacket.

Was the last thing he ever did

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A woman got shot by 7 bullets in war

She went to the infirmary,where she had surgery to remove the bullets


Doctor : -You will live a normal live,I couldn't get out 2 bullets but they will come out naturally


Then the woman goes on her way and has 2 twins,a boy and a girl


After 15 years,the mom is doing ...

My grandfather personally killed 30 German aviators during World War II

He was the worst mechanic the luftwaffe had.

Did you hear about the Trekkie who was trying to pick up girls at a Star Wars convention?

He was looking for love in Alderaan places

A Star Wars story...

*In another dimension*

Darth Vader just killed Anakin.

Obi-Wan came in and said: 'Are you serious?'

Darth Vader replied: 'Nah man I'm just choking'

How do you make the USA enter a World War?

Tell them it's almost over.

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What did Hitler say when he heard Germany lost the war?

“I did Nazi that coming”

German spies during world war two.

So my dad told me it a few years back and I still like it.
That's how it goes:

During world war II the Germans trained these super duper mega ultra spies.
They could speak fluent English, fluent French and fluent Russian.
Knew the history of every said enemy country.
Knew how t...

What do you get when you play tug-of-war with a pig?

Pulled pork

What do you get when you spell man backwards?

Flashbacks

Did you ever realize that they never say Yoda's last name in any Star Wars movie?

Its Leyheehoo.

What did the father vacuum say to his son before he left for war?

Don’t Dyson

A Winter War joke

A Soviet army is marching through a Finnish forest when a general hears a voice from over a hill shout: "one Finnish soldier is better than 10 Soviet soldiers!"

The general promptly send 10 soldiers to root out the voice, there is gunfire, and then silence.

After a few minutes, the vo...

In the original Star Wars Peter Mayhew once had to redo a scene because he missed his cue.

It was a Wookiee mistake

RIP Peter.

While testing a newly installed computer, an Army officer asked the machine to predict the probability of World War Three.

And promptly received a one-world answer: "Yes."

Annoyed at the lack of detail, the officer barked, "Yes, what?"

Instantly the machine replied "Yes, sir!"

I'm sick of all these World War II jokes on here!

Anne Frankly, they're terrible!

Back during the Cold War, the CIA, FBI and KGB decide to have a contest...

To prove they are the best secret service in the world, they'll have to find a rabbit in a forest.



CIA go first. After 24 hours, they get out of the forest and announce that they listened to every conversation in the forest, checked for strange lights in the sky, overthrew the King S...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

With climate change, income inequality, racism, xenophobia, religious extremists, war, and famine all around us, I often wonder what the world is coming to.

Then I check PornHub.

Turns out it’s stepsisters.

England and France decided to end the war...

... by making two cats swim across the river. The first cat to get to the other side wins the war for his country. English cat’s name was OneTwoThree and French cat’s name was UnDeuxTrois. OneTwoThree won the competition because UnDeuxTrois cat sank.

A time-traveler arrives in the middle of a medieval european war...

Clueless about his whereabouts and the year he’s in, he follows a few soldiers in the middle of a siege to ask them.

“Do you know where we are?” the time-traveler asked.

“We’re in Cambrai !” One of them replied

“And do you know what year it is ?”

“ 1339, why do you ask ?”...

What's a train's favorite Star Wars character?

Choochoobacca

A war veteran is lost in the rural deserts of Afghanistan.

A war veteran is lost in the rural deserts of Afghanistan, eager for just a single drink of water. As he's roaming through the country's rugged terrain, he spots in the distance what appears to be a vendor running a small stand. Figuring that there is no one else in the vicinity, he decides to go to...

I tried eating with one of my war buddies, but he chewed so loudly.

It was like, 'Nam 'Nam 'Nam...

A World War II Spitfire pilot is speaking in a church and reminiscing about his war experiences...

"In 1942, the situation was really tough. The Germans had a very strong air force. I remember one day, I was protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokkers appeared!"

There were a few gasps from the parishioners and several of the children began to giggle.

"I loo...

In Star Wars, what language is used to program droids?

JawaScript

Who is the greatest Herbologist in all of the star wars universe?

Yoda, two green thumbs he has.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In a nuclear war, they say the only thing to survive will be cockroaches.

Which means the UK will still have a functioning government.

During the cold war

The USSR had an epidemic of unplanned pregnancies, so they unwillfuly asked the US for aid since they dudnt had the technology to produce good condoms. They didn't wanted to look weak so they asked for 1 billion 11 inch condoms. The Americans got their request and didn't wanted to look weak either, ...

The end of Infinity War was a real shock for people, I know.

I was more surprised by the end of *Detective Pikachu* when everyone turned into Ash.

A German officer watches over his outpost during the Great War.

He's polishing his handgun when one of his soldiers below sounds the alarm. Down he rushes, gun in hand, to see a battle going on between his men and the British. He joins his men, and the fight seems to go on for hours. The gunfire only stops when out of the sky comes an artillery shell, destroying...

How did the Star Wars fan spend Valentine's Day?

Solo.

Why is it easy to beat England in a war?

Because you always hit the Mark.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dad said people shouldn't get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.

So I took down his confederate flag.

I saw a bumper sticker today that said “War is NEVER the answer.”

And I thought, unless someone asked me to name the band that sings the song “Low Rider.”

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The US Military had too many commanding officers so it offered a significant lump sum to those who retired...

They would measure whoever retired from one point on their body to another and pay $5,000 per inch. The first general asked to be measured from the top of his head to his tip toes and was paid $360,000. The second general was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched...

What did Trump say to China during the Trade War Negotiations?

It's my way, my way or the Huawei.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

War. Soldiers are sitting in a trench

They decide to send one guy to check surroundings. One hour later, he comes. He is all sweaty and tired like he has run 3 miles. Everyone asks him about what happened. He says
'You won't believe guys. I've met a nurse out there and we've had stunning sex. I've done almost everything to her'
...

Everyone in Hawaii is mad about the malfunction of the early warning system. Those fools.

Hawaii **IS** the early warning system.

What do you call a Texan cattle herder who wants to make holy war?

A yeehawdi. (Jihadi)

My wife says she's leaving me because of my 'Obsession with Star Wars'

I said 'Please don't go, honey. You're the Obi-Wan for me..............'

A Soviet army is walking through a finnish field in 1939 during the winter war. Suddenly a voice yells at the other side of a hill.

The voice says: "one finnish soldier is equal to ten soviets"

The soviet commander sends ten soldiers to the hill. They hear gunfire, then silence. Soon the same voice yells again:
"One finnish soldier is equal to a hundred soviets!"

Angry soviet commander sends a hundred soldiers ...

In the darkest hours of World War II, a British Commando unit was waiting to go behind enemy lines into Norway

During the planning of the mission, it was decided that their rifles would need protective covers against the extreme cold of Norway. The contract to manufacture the covers was given to a pharmaceutical company that also manufactured condoms.

Before the Commandos deployed, Winston Churchill p...

Star Wars Trailer: No one is ever really gone...

"Meesa lead tha First Order to victory now, okietay?"

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During World War 2, three generals were arguing over who had the best soldiers.

The British general called one of his men over.


“Private! See that nazi tank in the minefield there? Go destroy it.”


“Yes, Sir!” The soldier replied and started running.


He ran across the unmarked minefield until within range of the tank with his anti-tank weapon, to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.

Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.

“Father, where is the United States,” Hans asked.

His father pointed at a map towards North America.

“Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be,” he questioned his fath...

Polish public toilets were useless during the war

They were always occupied

There were officials in World War 1 that were discussing a plan.

English General: Plan?

English Lieutenant: We can use trenches to—

English Major: symbolize man’s emptiness.

What do fish use in wars?

A fish tank

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A japanese pilot was getting ready for war.

He approached his commander, and asked what will be loaded into his plane.

The commander said 'Your plane will be equipped with 20 missiles to fire at ground troops'.

The pilot replied 'That's a bit much. I don't think I'll need all 21 bombs'.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage

She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns.



I look at therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one!"



China: "We give up, Donald. What'll it take to end the Trade War?

Trump: "You'll have to move all of your factories to the US."

China: "We can't do that."

Trump: "That's too bad, because it's my way or the Huawei."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my wife we can have sex or go see Star Wars, she said, I'm on my period and Star Wars is sold out.

But she pulled some strings and got me in.

"Herr General, the Italians have entered the war"

said the Wehrmacht commander's subordinate.

"Really?" his boss sighed. "Send half a division to stop them."

"Nein, herr General." replied his subordinate; "they are entering on our side."

Upon hearing it, the General collapses onto the table, crying; "Send two armies to help th...

The Great War

A man invents time travel in 1915. He goes 100 years into the future and exclaims in awe

“My god, how far has the world progressed since The Great War”

“Don’t you mean World War One”

“One?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

1,2,3,4 I declare a thumb war...

...5,6,7,8 I use this hand to masturbate.

It's time to go to war!

Two armies at war. Red v Blue (let's say).. the Blue army Master Sergeant comes up to the First Sergeant.

MS: "Sir! We are completely out of weapons and ammo. What are we going to do when Red attacks tomorrow?"

FS: "Well.. (He ponders for a sec) When you see them come over the hill, go...

What is the difference between the War on Drugs and a cow?

You can't milk a cow for 50 years. (Nixon declared it in 1971)

Did you hear about the Red and Blue war?

I heard the soldiers were marooned!

What's the most redundant thing during war?

The red and blue in france's flag

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandfather, a Vietnam veteran,hooked up with a Viet girl a few years after the war.

He told me the story of how they met at a bar, and how he took her home that night, and how he began having PTSD flashbacks as soon as she undressed.

"Why's that?" I asked him.

"It was just like the war," he said. "I couldn't see the Vietnamese in all the bush."

\----

Be...

Why Americans don’t need to feel bad when they are criticized by the British

Sometimes I hear people from Great Britain talk about how bad the education is in The US. I do get a little offended, but then I realize they are just salty because we beat them in The Civil War.

If America had stayed out of the Vietnam war

It would have been a Nguyen-Nguyen situation

cruise ship, war ship, sail ship, cargo ship, battle ship, tanker ship, icebreaker ship

all kind of ship have made their trip to Liverpool

all except Premiership

Did you see that guy at the beginning of Infinity War?

He Loki died bro

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At the peak of the cold war the Russians started a project to mass produce war robots.

The plan was divided into 4 stages, in the first stage the scientists were tasked to perfect the technology of remotely controlling the robots.

The second stage was giving the robots a perfectly humanoid stucture and give them the ability to perfectly copy human actions.

T...

Everybody is all about "May the fourth be with you" because of Star Wars.

Meanwhile people with a lisp are complaining, "you bathtardth, we've been thayin it the thame way for yearth and nobody hath ever done thit for uth!!!!"

What do you call a monarch that plays tug of war ?

A drag queen.

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