How do you know your phone has a full battery in the Star Wars universe?

Chargar Blinks

Paratroopers from England, Scotland, France and the US were on a plane...

During World War II, four paratroopers each from England, Scotland, France and the US, were on a plane about to jump when they realized there was only one serviceable parachute.

The French paratrooper downed a glass of cognac, said "Pour la France!" and jumped without the parachute.

Th...

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The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party.

The Indian Chief proclaims, “So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honour of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?”

The Lone Ranger responds, “I’d like to speak to my horse.”

The Ch...

If I was ever in a war...

instead of throwing a hand grenade, I think I'd throw one of those tiny pumpkins...

Maybe, the other person would see that pumpkin and think about how dumb war is. About all the other things we could be doing like going on walks, drinking a beer, and spending time with loved ones.

And...

Once upon a time...

So there's a far-off place that consists of a perfectly triangular lake surrounded by land, with three kingdoms on the three sides of the lake. The first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy prosperous people. The second kingdom is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power...

Baby Yoda's first word

Probably came after his second word.

The aircraft carrier captain saw a light

"Tell the signalman to warn that boat to turn to port to avoid a collision."

But the light flashes back "*YOU* turn to port to avoid a collision."

The captain, incensed, sends the message "This is a 200 kiloton aircraft carrier with 50 war planes, atomic bombs and cruise missiles! ...

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Geography of a woman

Between the ages of 15-18, a woman is like China. Developing at a sizzling rate with a lot of potential but as yet still not free or open.Between the ages of 18-21, a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful. Between the ages of 21-30, a woman is l...

My grandfather had his tongue shot out during the war.

He never spoke about it.

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Why is capitalization important?

because using chemicals to remove polish is just an annoying thing people have to do with their nails but using chemicals to remove Polish is one of hitler's war crimes.

Droids claim they were molested by George Lucas during filming for Star Wars...

#R2MeToo

Hans, Is That You?

The Germans and Americans were reaching a stalemate in WWI. In World War I there was trench warfare, and neither the Americans nor the Germans could get the upper hand. They were reaching a stalemate. One day, an American came up with a plan that would win them the war. This private explained his pl...

What do you call someone who tells you that you must see the new Star Wars series?

A Mandatorian

What type of military vehicle to fish go to war in?

A fish tank

Two men were washed ashore during World War I.

Their ship, an aging minesweeping model, had wrecked off the coast. As they sought shelter in a makeshift camp, one of them managed to salvage a radio and quickly telegraphed an SOS with their coordinates.

To their surprise, a ship responded within the hour, saying it could be at their locat...

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British Humour

The train was quite crowded, and a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.

The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?' The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in p...

Politicians have been fighting the war on drugs for a long time and it's obvious that they're losing.

Maybe they should try doing it sober instead.

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In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio

In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.

Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.

“Father, where is the United States,” Hans asked.

His father pointed at a map towards North America.

“Aren’t we cur...

What's the difference between Star Wars fans and Star Wars haters?

the fans enjoyed 2 of the movies

You could say that...

World War 2 ended with a blast.

Gary left his family to go to the war. What crossed his mind when he was in the trenches?

A bullet.

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Queen's Infidelities

A king is going to war and he knows his queen has overactive sexual needs... Furthermore, he is skeptical about the loyalty of his four servants.

To find out who will not have sex with the queen, he hides a blade inside the queen's vagina and goes to war.

Immediately after returning, h...

How the Canadians prepare their army

A new recruit arrives on the front lines during world war 2. When he gets there he is told resources are stretched thin and they have not rifles to spare him, although they still expect him to go on patrol. He goes straight to his captain and explains the situation, the captain hands him a broom and...

What do you get if you spell man backwards?

Flashbacks

Red Car Day

Red car day - in Honor of my Dad

My dad died 7 years ago. He was a worker in a factory in NYC during the by-gone, post-war era when times were good and jobs were plenty. The guys he worked with were all good friends over the years and enjoyed harmless pranks against one another to pass the ti...

My son Luke loves that we chose Star Wars characters as an inspiration when naming our kids.

His sister Chewbacca and his brother Boba Fett are less amused.

A man went to confession.

"Forgive me, father", he cried. "During WWII I had someone in hiding in my attic."

"Well, that is not a sin?" Said the priest

"No, I know that," said the man, "but I made him pay rent."

"That is not proper, but your life was at risk, so you are forgiven."

"Thank you, fath...

I went for a walk through Memory Lane today.

I found some boxes in my closet. In it were old family relics. My great-great grandfather's World War One helmet was the first thing I saw. There was also my grandmother's surgical gear when she was a nurse in the local hospital, and countless heirlooms I can't possibly list all of which.

The...

My friend asked me "if you could have any super power in the world, what would it be?"

I said "Cold War Russia."

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A Lame Date

A girl turned up on a blind date only to find that the guy had no arms or legs. Apparently he was a military vet who lost his limbs in action in some war.



Still not wanting to be policitally incorrect, she decided that its just dinner and it couldn't hurt.



Much to her s...

Me: The place with more tanks?

My GF: IDK, a war?

Me: An aquarium

What spell did Harry Potter use to end the Wizarding War?

Expelliarmistice

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A teacher gave her class

of 11 year olds an assignment: To get their parent to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Ashley said, 'My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market ...

My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with "Star Wars".

I said:

May divorce be with you.

All I do is pay

"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war, and my daughter is foreign secretary."

"Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is your position?"

"I'm the people. All I do...

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Hitler goes to visit a fortune teller

Worried about losing the war he asks the fortune teller,
“I want to know when I’m going to die.”

The fortune teller sits in a long silence and finally she replies,
“I do not know the exact day that you will die, but I can see that you will die on a Jewish holiday.”

To which Hit...

Why did God create war?

So that Americans could learn geography.

How to prevent World War III.

Make Gabe Newell the president of the USA.

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Bloodhound tried for Nazi war crimes

He was only following odours.

An old man is being interviewed on live TV

Hello everybody. We are with Michael, who is 97 years old. Michael, tell us, what’s your secret?

During the war, I sucked off a enemy soldier in exchange for food.

I meant about your age.

Ah… Eating healthy.

Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the order 4 5 6 1 2 3?

In charge of the sequence, Yoda was.

What’s a stoners favorite Star Wars movie?

The Hempire Strikes Back

How do you organise a war between Earth and Mars?

Planet.

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