Go To Sleep Jokes - 36 Hilarious Go To Sleep Jokes

A few nights ago I was preparing to go to sleep…

As I get into bed I hear a loud crashing noise so I get up panicked and open my door and a voice downstairs said “dont worry the cat just knocked over another vase”

So I calm down and go to bed and then I think to myself “wait I don’t own a cat”

My mum always said that you shouldn't go to sleep in a bad mood.

Which is why I always go to sleep in a bed.

An old couple is getting ready to go to sleep…..

The old man lies on the bed, but the old woman lies down on the floor.

The old man asks, ”Why are you going to sleep on the floor?”

The old woman says, “Because I want to feel something hard for a change.”

Go to sleep

I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?"

I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."

I told my boyfriend it was time to go to sleep.

He kept saying no.

I told him to stop resisting a rest.

How does an attorney go to sleep?

First he lies on one side, then the other!!

How do CIA operatives get their children to go to sleep?

They make up a cover story.

I never go to sleep on weekends.

Sleep is for the week.

Why can't the cop go to sleep?

Cuz when he closes his eyes everything goes black.

Hey Guys...Next time you're having an argument with your wife, start undressing.

She will instantly have a headache and then go to sleep.

What pill do you take to go to sleep?

A pillow.

When do cows go to sleep?

When it's pasture bedtime.

I needed some white noise yesterday to go to sleep.

So i recorded myself saying "All lives matter" and played it on repeat until i fell asleep.

Why did the computer go to sleep?

It was key-bored!

(An original joke from my 5 year old nephew, a budding comedic genius with impeccable timing!)

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a minute.

"Astronomically, it tells me that there are mil...

I trained myself to have lucid dreams every time I go to sleep.

It’s exactly what I imagined it to be.

Sherlock and Watson go camping After a nice fire, roasting s'mores, and talking for a few hours, they finally crawl into their tent and go to sleep

In the middle of the night, Sherlock shakes Watson awake. "Tell me Watson" he said "What can you deduce by looking at the stars?"

Watson, slightly puzzled, said "Well, I can deduce by the number of them that the universe must be incredibly vast, and contain billions of stars. Likely...

My boss calls me "The computer"

Not because of my calculation skills but because I go to sleep when left unattended for 15 minutes.

Why did the meatballs tell the spaghetti to go to sleep?

It was pasta bedtime.

I always turn my room temperature just below 70 degrees before I go to sleep. Why?

Because it doesn't get hotter than 69 in my bed.

What did a Tom Felton fan reply to his tweet saying that he was about to go to sleep in his bed?

"Do you mind if I Slytherin?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Being horny and tired at the same time is a strange feeling. On one hand, you want to go to sleep, ...

In the other hand, however.

Why did the blonde go to sleep under her 20-year-old car?

So she could wake up oily in the morning.

I tell people that I’m so poor I have to go to sleep for dinner and they seem to pity me

Saying I’m so poor I have to wake up for breakfast doesn’t bring the same reaction though

What's the difference between "light" and "hard"?

You can go to sleep with a light on.

Roger, 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old

Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding
she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned
that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the
entire night together.

After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares her...

A married couple was lying in bed one night. The wife is all curled up, ready to go to sleep, as the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book

As he's reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife, and fondles her "special area". He does this a few times, but only for very short intervals before turning back to read his book.

The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused... and, assuming that her husband is seeking some enco...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I heard they had started giving all the old guys in the nursing home Viagra right before they go to sleep at night.

Its to prevent them from rolling out bed in the middle of the night.

A friend recently told me that he can't go to sleep without at least 4 or 5 whiskey drinks and that he's afraid he may have a drinking problem.

I told him he should try to get a handle on it.

What does a man often wake with, but can never go to sleep with?

An alarm, you pervert!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple were in bed. The wife had turned over to go to sleep but the man decided to read. After a minute he stopped, put his hand between his wife’s legs and fondled her.

Then he stopped and went back to reading his book. As he did so, his wife turned round, sat up and took off her nightdress. “What are you doing that for?” asked her husband. “Well, after what you’ve just done, I thought you were keen for some sex.”

“Oh no, not at all,” he replied.

“Th...

My boss calls me "the computer"

Nothing to do with intelligence,
I go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes

EDIT thank you all so much this is my first ever post to hit 1k upvotes and get awards
2nd edit wow 3k this post has blown out my previous record of 789 out of the water thank you so much

My wife said, "Did I ever tell you how great it feels when we make love?"

I said, "Gee, honey. No."

And she said, "Exactly. Now let's just go to sleep, OK?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The wife of a very rich man dies from illness.

To honor her, the widower announces a big funeral in his huge resort, where everyone they knew is invited. The guests arrive, and after the first day is over, everyone is preparing to go to sleep. As there are not enough rooms to accommodate everyone, the widower had 2 grand salons prepared with bed...

Joke Request: Any Kid Friendly Pony Themed Knock Knock Jokes?

Hey r/Jokes,

My 2 year old daughter recently learned about knock knock jokes and she LOVES them! However, she keeps adamantly asking for a good knock knock joke about ponies, but I can't find any anywhere. Can anyone help me find a good kid friendly knock knock joke about ponies? I...

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MONA LISA'S JEWISH MOTHER: "After all the money your father and I spent on braces, this you call a smile?"

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MICHELANGELO'S JEWISH MOTHER: "A ceiling you paint? No...

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