This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW - A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.

What are you doing?" she exclaimed.

The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he ...

My little daughter came to me all excited, shrieking, “Daddy! Daddy! Guess how old I’ll be in October!” Playing along, I laughed, “Oh I don’t know princess, why don’t you tell me?” She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers...

It’s now three hours later, the police are annoyed and she *still* won’t say where she got them...

What did the drummer call his twin daughters ?

Anna One, Anna Two

A girl tells her mom she’s dating the guy next door The mom’s like “you can’t date him he could be your dad” And the daughter is like “so there’s an age difference who cares”

“I think you misunderstood me”

If I have 2 daughters, I will name one as Kate

And the others duplikate

My daughter asked why she can’t just quit school

I told her it’s against the law and they’ll put me in jail.

My sweet sweet child looked me in the eye, and said: “I'll visit you”.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Irish daughter hadn't been home for over 5 years. Upon her return her Father cursed her heavily.

Iris‌‌h daughte‌‌r ha‌‌d no‌‌t bee‌‌n hom‌‌e fo‌‌r ove‌‌r ‌‌5 years‌‌. Upo‌‌n he‌‌r retur‌‌n he‌‌r Fathe‌‌r curse‌‌d he‌‌r heavily‌‌.

"Wher‌‌e hav‌‌e y‌‌e bee‌‌n al‌‌l thi‌‌s time‌‌, child‌‌? Wh‌‌y di‌‌d y‌‌e no‌‌t writ‌‌e t‌‌o us‌‌, no‌‌t eve‌‌n ‌‌a line‌‌? Wh‌‌y didn'‌‌t y‌‌e call‌‌? Ca‌‌n ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day:

The daughter said to her mother. “My hands are freezing cold.”

The mother replied. “Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up.” The daughter did and her hands warmed up.

The next day the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said. “My hands are freezing cold.”<...

A wealthy, but stingy father was trying to put a birthday party together for his 18 y/o daughter.

He wanted the party to be extravagant, but wanted to spend as little money as possible. He had finished all of the other decorations, and he was left to work on the cake.

"Why not get it ordered from an upscale bakery?" his wife said.

So the father visited a ton of different bakeries a...

My friend once told me, "Your wife and daughter look like twins!"

I replied, " Yeah well, they were separated at birth"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my daughter if she knew what today was.

To my suprise she said presidents day.

I asked her if she knew why we celebrate presidents day.

She said that its the day the president walks out of the white house and if he sees his shadow we have one more year of bull shit.

I asked my five year old daughter what she wanted for her birthday and she giggled, "I want unicorns, rainbows and fairies!"

Okay, LSD it is!

My daughter thinks I’m nosy and controlling.

At least that’s what she wrote in her diary.

Ralph is driving home one evening, when he suddenly realizes that it's his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought her a present. He drives to the mall, runs to the toy store, and says to the shop assistant, "How much is that Barbie in the window?

In a condescending manner, she says, "Which Barbie?" She continues, "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00." Ralph asks...

A Mom and Her Daughter ...

A mom and her daughter were taking a cab across town. On the way, they drove by a couple of ladies of the night, standing on a corner, provocatively dressed and looking for business. The inquisitive little girl asked, “Mom, what are those ladies doing there?” The mom replied, “They’re waiting for a ...

I asked my daughter if she’d seen my newspaper. She told me that newspapers are old school. She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her iPad.

That fly didn’t stand a chance.

A mother hears a humming sound from her daughter's bedroom and walks in.

Finding her daugher sitting on the bed using her vibrator she asked, "What are you doing?!"

"I'm a 35 year old woman living with my parents. This is the closest I'll ever get to a husband, " replies the daughter.

The mother silently leaves the room. The next day, the father hears a hu...

Never name your daughter “Amber”

They seem to get abducted a lot.

I had an idea for a movie where a retired CIA agent searches for his daughter in Paris

It turns out that idea was taken

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the drummer name their daughters?

Anna 1, Anna 2, Anna 3. They were shit at making names.

In my past life, I was a warrior for an Indian Tribe, and was madly in love with the chiefs daughter

In this tribe we were named after the first thing our mothers saw when we were born. And His daughter, Lily Petal, was absolutely beautiful, and everyday I sighed knowing there was nothing I could do to ever win her attention. I was just boring old Falling Rock, a nobody warrior.

But one day,...

My 5 year old daughter was a preemie, she was born 6 weeks early, and was 3 lbs even when she was born.

A couple days later, my fiance said that she is definitely my daughter, I asked her why she said that, and she responded with, cause she came early.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lady had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter was constantly calling her to get back into the dating world. Finally, she said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, "Mom, I have someone for you to meet!" Well, it was an immediate hit...

They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Spain.

Their first night there, she undressed as he did.

There she stood nude, except for a pair of black panties, he in his birthday suit.

Looking her over, he asked, "Why the bla...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is sitting on his couch when the doorbell rings

He opens the door and there is a young man standing there.

"Hello. My name is Tobias. I'm here to fuck your daughter."

The man can't believe his ears: "To what?!"

"Tobias"

A Daughter's Surprise

A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says “God bless Mummy and God Bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad.” The father says, “Good bye Grandad? Why is that?” The daughter says, “Just because I felt like it.” The next day, Grandad drops dead. ...

Why couldn't the boy run away with the farmer's daughter?

They were cantaloupe farmers.

My baby daughter said her first word today!

She said “Neglect!”

Or something like that at least. I don’t remember, I wasn't really paying attention.

I caught my daughter chewing on an electrical cable.

So I had to ground her and kept her at ohm

She's doing better currently .

And conducting herself properly

My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born the day before. He told me: "Maybe they'll marry each other."

As if my son is going to marry someone twice his age...

A mom takes her daughter to the doctor

The doctor says, “Okay, what seems to be the problem?”


The mother says, “It’s my daughter Sherry. She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight and is sick most mornings.”


The doctor gives Sherry a good examination, and then turns to the mother and says, “Well, I do...

A peeny pinching dad was throwing his daughter a sweet 16 birthday

He wanted her to have a nice party but didn't want to spend a lot of money. He made all the arrangements at the bare minimum to satisfy his daughter's wishes, everything except the cake.

"Why not get it ordered from an nice bakery?" his wife suggested.

He called all around town and...

*From Ian Ross, not mine* - A mum was asked 'Why is your daughter crying?'

'She has five baked beans stuck up her nose.'

'And why is your son crying?'

'He wants his lunch back.'

my daughter loves jogging and grammer but hates camping

she's always running past tents

I bought my daughter a fridge for her birthday.

I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it!

It was late at night and Heidi, who was expecting her second child, was home alone with her 3 year old daughter, Katelyn. When Heidi started to go into labor she called 911.

Due to a power outage at the time, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Katelyn, a 3-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Katelyn did as she was asked. ...

Son: "Daddy i i fell in love and want to date this awesome girl!! "

Father : "That's great son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter".

Father : "Ohhh I wish you hadn't said that.I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother.Tina is actually your sister."

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a coupl...

Why did the best-selling author want to send his daughter to writing camp?

.
.
.
Because he thought it would help her build character.

My wife threatened to divorce me when I said I was going to give our daughter a silly name...

So I called her Bluff...

Our daughter wants us to set a place at our Thanksgiving dinner table, for her teddy bear, Theodore. She promises he won't eat very much.

She said he has been eating a lot lately, and is already stuffed

A father puts his 3-year old daughter to bed. His daughter wanted to say a prayer before sleeping, so the father listened.

“God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless Grandma, Good bye grandpa”

The father asked “why did you say good bye grandpa?”

The little girl said “I don’t know, it just seemed like the right thing to say.”

The next morning, the family received news that the grandfather had inde...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day a mother, father, and daughter are driving down the road in their car

but unbeknownst to them, they were driving behind Lorena Bobbitt.

All of a sudden, out of nowhere, a mans severed penis smacks into the car’s windshield.

“What was that Daddy?!” asked the little girl from the back seat.

Not wanting to corrupt her young mind, the father answer...

The day my daughter turns 18, I’m going to buy her a locket, put her picture in it, and when she opens it tell her:

“Well, I guess now you really are… independent".

My 6 year old daughter came up with this joke. What is a duck's favorite sea monster?

A Quacken

my daughter made this gem up: what is the most popular console with the vikings?

the axe-box

My daughter informed me that the earth is tilted at a 23.5 degree angle

I responded, “That’s not right.”


With a scowl, she pulled up google and proved to me that the earth is, in fact, tilted at a 23.5 degree angle.


“Precisely,” I agreed. “If the angle were right it would be 90°.”

Ivan was out with his young daughter and ran into a friend he'd not seen in years.

"This is Beth." Ivan said, introducing his kid. "And what's Beth short for?" his friend asked.

*“Because she’s only three."*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One time a demon showed her daughter how to use a tampon

It was an excellent demonstruation

A woman says to a man walking by with his daughter:

Woman:
- You have a beautiful daughter.
Man:
- I can give you seeds if you want.

A man accompanied by his big ugly daughter was traveling on a lonely road when they were held by bandits and looted of his belongings.

As the bandits disappeared in the distance, he moaned to his daughter, “I’m ruined. In years I saved those ninety thousand dollars. All my other worldly possessions were in that leather suitcase. I lost everything.”

“Not everything, dad” The girl said coyly. “I saved the money.”

“What...

As I was trying to pack for vacation, my 3-year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed

At one point, she said, "Daddy, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy’s gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.

When I returned, my...

A daughter a mother and a grandmother walk into a bar...

She sits down infront of the bartender and says "I just heard a GREAT riddle!"

What does Martin Sheen do when he gets mad at his daughter?

Rage Against The Ms. Sheen

I no longer had a son after my daughter told me...

“Dad, I’m trans.”

A mother ant and her daughter were out for a walk in their underground city.

They were having a lovely day until they came upon a group of protesters outside the queen's domain. One, with a sign reading *It's time to GO!,* spotted them and quickly approached.

"Excuse me ma'am, can you spare a moment to take a look at some alarming literature and help support our cause...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Daughter Of A Prosperous Lord Got Lost

He sent one of his workers to the capital city to find her. After a month he turns back. The Lord asks if he found the daughter.

He says "I have good and bad news, which first?". Lord wants the bad news first and the answer is: "Your daughter became a prostitute sir". He asks the good news an...

My daughter has been learning Spanish for a year now but still can’t say “please”

Which I think is poor for four

A mother asks her young daughter, "Where did you get that dollar?"

Her daughter replies, "A boy at school said he would give me a dollar if I did a handstand."

Horrified, the mother explains, "That's because you're wearing a skirt! He just wanted to see your underwear!"

"Well, I tricked him," her daughter replies cheekily. "I didn't wear underwear tod...

I watched a murder mystery movie with my daughter.

She said, "Hey! They just stole this idea from Among Us!"

My daughter woke me around 11:50 last night.

"Daddy," she whispered, tugging my shirt sleeve.

"Guess how old I'm going to be next month."

"I don't know, beauty," I said as I slipped on my glasses.
"How old?"

She smiled and held up four fingers.

It is 7:30 now. My wife and I have been up with her for almost 8 hou...

My 4 year old daughters joke: What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A Dinosnore.

My daughter made this tonight: What's the favourite song of sloths?

Don't Hurry, Be Happy

My daughter made this one up

Why is my hair cost money? Because I just brushed it so it’s knot free!!

There once was a farmer whose five quintuplet teenage daughters were going on dates at the same time.

"As soon as your dates arrive," said the farmer, "I will talk to them personally. If I don't like them, I will shoot them."

Just then, a knock was heard at the door. The farmer answered the door, shotgun in hand. "Who is this?"

"My name's Teddy," said the boy. "I'm going steady with Be...

My teenage daughter can't decide whether she wants to be a hairdresser or a short story writer...

I guess she'll have to flip a coin....

Heads or Tales.

bad news, i had to put my daughter down today...

good news; she’s still napping.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young Italian man rings the door bell at his girlfriend's house. She is living with her parents, and her father opens the door. "Ciao, my name is Tullio," the young man says, "and I am here to fuck your daughter!"

The father is shocked and lost for words. "To.... to... what?" he says.

"Tullio!"

Permission To Marry Your Daughter

Jimmy asks his girlfriend's father permission to propose.

The father says, "I need to ask you two questions. The first question is, do you love my daughter?"

Jimmy eagerly responds, "Sir, I love her with all my heart."

My second question is, "Do you think you earn enough money t...

My daughter's skirt was getting a lot of attention as I walked her to the school gates, which made me very uncomfortable.

To be honest, I thought it suited me.

An original joke from my 7 year old daughter

Did you hear the joke about the piece of paper?

Don’t worry about it, it’s tearable!


{I’m sure someone in history has used this pun, but I was pretty impressed with her effort!}

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Hospital

A sweet old lady telephoned the hospital.

She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator said, "I can, what's the name and room number?"

The old laday in her weak voice said, "Doreen Jacobs, Room 604."

The ope...

During a national water shortage, a mother and daughter were sharing a shower.

The daughter looks at her mother and then down at herself and says "What's that?"

Thinking quickly, the mother says, "That's your garage... and you must never let a boy park his car in it."

Next door, a father and his son were also sharing a shower. The son looks at his dad and then do...

An old granny and her grand daughter are chatting about granpa

-Did you love him, granma?
-Oh yes, i loved him so much. He was all my life, even tough he was so lazy.
-How come?
-You see, everytime there was something not working, he would never do anything about It. "Al, the sink Is broken." "Do i look like a plumber?" He would reply. "Hon, a brick fe...

What did I call the guy that keeps my daughter out late at night?

An ambulance

A 55 year old lady suddenly started learning to swim instead of her usual routine of going to a temple !!!!

Everyone was curious and asked her: "why the change in your interest to swimming now a days?"

The lady, with a look of helplessness replied: "Whenever my son and daughter-in-law quarrel with each other my Daughter-in-law always asks my son : - "If your mom and I fall into water, whom will y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pregnant Daughter and Mother

Daughter: Mom, I’m pregnant!
Mom: I thought I told you when a guy touches your boobs, say don’t, and when he touches your vagina, say stop.
Daughter: But he kept touching both, so it came out,”don’t, stop, don’t, stop.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer has 18 beautiful daughters

One day three brothers were traveling when they stopped at this farmer's farmstead to rest. The farmer let them in and gave them food and drink.

Upon seeing the many beautiful maidens, the eldest brother approached the farmer, and asked, "Farmer, can I sleep with your 18 daughters?"

Th...

I named my daughter jkmn

It's pronounced noel

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman had three daughters getting married the same day. Naturally she was worried about their sex life. It was agreed that they would send a discrete message.

Two weeks after the triple wedding the first message arrives. An ad for Maxwell House with the slogan "Good till the last drop." She's happy for her girl.

A month passes and a second message arrives with a Marlboro ad. "Marlboro: Extra long, extra strong." She's a little embarrassed, but happ...

Dad joke to his daughter

Daughter: How do they know Humpty Dumpty was an egg? They never mention that in the story.

Dad: You wouldn't understand sweety, it's an inside yolk.

Daughter: You crack me up Dad

Dad: Hey good one

Last night our teenage daughter ran into our bedroom...

"Dad! Mom! There are monsters under my bed and in my closet!"


"Yes darling we know all about your energy drink addition, now go back to bed"

I took my daughter to the park yesterday. Everything was going fine until we got to one particular ride. First she happy, then she was sad, then she was unbelievably angry...

Those were some crazy mood swings.

(My favorite joke for my 2 year old daughter) What's the difference between an octopus and a squid?

A squid has TEN-TICKLES!
(Proceeds to tickle her and go "EEEEE!")

Sorry if this is a repost

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You b*****d!

A man was brought before the court to recieve his verdict.

"For the murder of your mother-in-law with numerous blows to the head with a hammer, we, the jury, find you guilty."

A voice in the back yells:

"You bastard!"

"For the murder of your wife with numerous blows to t...

My daughter screeched, " Daaaaaad, have you listened to at least one word I've said !? "

what a strange way to start a conversation ...

My daughter asked if I'd like to go out clubbing with her.

I said "sure honey". We stayed up all night long. That's good, because it's much easier to kill seals when they're sleeping.

A couple who had two beautiful daughters decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

Soon, the wife became pregnant and was
happy to deliver a baby boy.

The father raced to the hospital to see his new
son, but was horrified to find an incredibly ugly
baby.

He said to his wife, "I cannot possibly be the
Father of that hideous child. Look at the two
beauti...

Have a daughter named after my mother in law

Passive-Agressive Psycho turns 5 next week

There was a man and a woman who had a daughter named Clare toghether.

They decided it would be a good time to get married now that they have a child. However, after they get home from their big day, the find the baby has been stolen from her crib. There's a note from the kidnapper: "I now de-Clare you, husband and wife."

My 9 year old daughter just now. Where do people get their lies from?

From the lie-brary

I can always sense when my siblings are going to have a daughter.

I have telekineices.

Why doesn’t Liam Neeson’s daughter date?

She’s taken.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This morning, my daughter told me that she was gay.

I told her in response: "That's fantastic; I love you very much. It will save a fortune on birth control medicines."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whilst watching The Incredible Dr. Pol, my wife got upset with the answer I gave my daughter, when she asked me what "Applying monofilament sutures to female canine's lacerations" meant.

Apparently, "Bitches gonna get stiches" isn't an appropriate thing to say to a 7-year old...

A tribal chief down on his luck decided to marry off his three daughters

For in those days suitors paid a bridal price, and the chief thought he could live off what his daughters would fetch him, and at the same time ensure that his children would be secure and provided for.

Now, it was a point of rivalry between the girls to see who would fetch the best price amo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman grants her mother's unusual dying wish.

She specifically requested pictures of her right foot be sent to an address in Rhode Island.

A couple of days later, she realizes that reversed pictures of her mother's *left* foot were sent instead. Unsure of the importance, but determined to fulfill her wishes, the woman travels to Rhode Is...

I bought a new puppy for my daughter today!

A pretty fair trade, in my opinion. :D

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Will

His nurse, his wife, his daughter, and two sons, are with him.
He asks for two witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes.

When all is ready, he begins to speak:

"My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Ocean Reef houses."

"My daughter Sybi...

Teachers hate my daughter procrastinating.

I don’t know why though. She has done nothing.

I was in the park today when a woman came up to me and said, “Are you taking photos of my daughter on your iPhone?”

“Yes I’m taking photos of her,” I replied, “But it’s not what you think.”

“So what is it then?” she asked.

I said, “Its a OnePlus.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde, a brunette and a red-headed mother are talking about their daughters.

The brunette tells them, "I found cigarettes in my daughter's room, I can't believe she smokes! "

The red head said, "I know, I found some beer in my daughter's room. I couldn't believe it! "

The blonde says "That's nothing! I found condoms in my daughter's room. I never knew she had a...

My daughters fall asleep to white noise.

So in the evenings, we turn on Fox News.

What did the orange say to the door?

Mind if I squeeze in?

Written by my 4 year old daughter and I think it is hilarious.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Goodbye Grandpa

A father put his 3-year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying, "God bless Mommy, God
bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."

The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?'

The little girl said, "I don't kn...

My 5 year old daughter came home from kindergarten...

Dad, how do you kill 2 giraffes with just one shot?
Me: no clue, how?
You shoot one in the ass, then the other will die from laughter.

Not gonna lie, that is the first joke she has told, which made sense (and made me chuckle)

Another funny joke from my daughter!

Why did the phone need glasses?

Because it lost all of its contacts!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In a tribe, a man wants to marry the chief's daughter.

The chief says "You will have to pass three tests to marry her. First, in the cage behind you, you will have to kill a lion with your bare hands. Then, you will see a gorilla. This time, you will have to remove his aching tooth. Finally, there will be a young British lady. You will have to give her ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mr. and Mrs. Potato had three daughters who were as upstanding as they were lovely. One day the first daughter came home and exclaimed, “I have an announcement to make.”

“And what might that be?” said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter’s eyes.

“Well,” replied the daughter, with a proud but sheepish grin, “I’m getting married!”

The other daughters squealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, “Married! That’s wonderful! An...

A potato dad is talking to his potato daughters about who they want to marry.

The first daughter says, "Dad, I want to marry a Yukon Gold!" The dad replies "Honey, that's a great idea. Yukon Golds are renowned for their versatility and will make you very happy.

The second daughter says, "Dad, I want to marry a russet." Dad approves of this choice too, since russet pot...

Why didn't the goose like his daughter's new boyfriend?

Whenever he came to pick her up for a date, he'd just sit outside and honks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap?

A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap?

"Because he used to live in a brothel" says the shopkeeper. She pays $15.

When she gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me, a new brothel!" The woman laughs.

When her daughters g...

While watching TV with his wife, a man tosses peanuts into the air and catches them in his mouth. While watching TV with his wife, a man tosses peanuts into the air and catches them in his mouth.

Just as he throws another peanut into the air, the front door opens, causing him to turn his head. The peanut falls into his ear and gets stuck. His daughter comes in with her date. The man explains the situation, and the daughter’s date says, “I can get the peanut out.” He tells the father to sit d...

One day, Pete complained to his friend, “My head really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor.”

His friend said, “Don’t do that. There’s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply tell it the problem, put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose it and tell you what you can do about the issue you’re having. It only costs $...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

**NSFW** A 20 year old joke

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hangi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is driving home when he spots the most stunningly beautiful redhead trying to hitchhike. He stops next to her, but just as he does an old man jumps out of the bushes and points a shotgun at him...

He points both barrels at the man and yells "Start jerking off!"

"W-WHAT?!" Yells the man

"Start jerking off or I'm taking your head clean off your shoulders!"

The man desperately unzips his pants and begins to masturbate, after a solid hour he pleads for the man to let him go...

I was doing a pretend job interview with my 6 year old daughter and I asked her, “where do you see yourself in 5 years?”

She said: “in a mirror”



This really happened and I still laugh every time I think about it.

One day, daughter shack came to Mama and Papa shack and told them that she wanted to be a comedian.

“But you're not funny," said Mama shack.

Seeing his daughter's roofline sag in disappointment, Papa shack spoke up. "Maybe we could get you a coach?"

Daughter shack smiled with joy, and as she left, Papa shack arranged for a coach.

The coach came, a part time tiler who pr...

Daughter: "Mom how do you know when "he's" the one?"

Mom: "As soon as you see him you'll know. The sparks will be flying, and you'll approach him and ask, "Hey, can you weld this for me?""

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A poor family lives on a farm and they rely on their chickens for income.

One morning, the father walks outside to find the chicken coop empty and the corpses of chickens on the ground.

"There’s nothing that could help get us out of poverty now," says the dad as he shoots himself.

The mom walks outside and sees the dad and the chickens on the ground.

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

From my 8 year old daughter. "What is a Marine Biologists favorite instrament?"

The "Tambomarine" Badapisssh...

A farmer is expecting his 3 daughters dates to arrive, so he hears a knock on a door, decides to grab his shotgun for intimidation, and opens it.

The first date arrives and says,
“Hello there! My name is Lance, and I’m here to take Chance out to the dance.”

So, the farmer calls his daughter, Chance, and they go off together. The another knock is heard, so he answers it again, shotgun in hand.

“Hey there, it’s me, Dave, and I’...

A farmer had three daughters.

All three daughters were going on their first date tonight. The farmer, being over protective of them, decided to greet each suitor at the door with a shotgun. The first boy comes up and introduces himself.

"Hi, my name is Joe, I'm here to take Flo to the show, is she ready to go?" The farmer...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.