A farmer drove over to his neighbor’s house and knocked on the door...

A boy, about 9, opened the door.

“Is your mom or dad home?” The farmer asked the boy

“No, they went in to town.” The boy replied

“Well, how about your brother Howard?” The farmer asked

“No, he went with mom and dad.” The boy said

The farmer stood there for a minut...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Irish Daughter...

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cursed her.
Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?
The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad.....

What’s a good name for a detective?

Mr. E

* My 9 year old daughter came up with this, so please be kind

A woman is walking home with her 3 daughters.

The eldest daughter turns to her mother and asks "How did I get my name mummy?"

"Well sweetie, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a rose petal fell on your head! So that's why we named you Rose.”

The second daughter, now curious, asks the same question.

"Well dar...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

NSFW - A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.

What are you doing?" she exclaimed.

The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement.
When he went downstairs...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day, when the daughter said, "My hands are freezing cold!" The mother replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up."

The daughter did and her hands warmed up.

The next day, the daughter was riding with her boy friend who said, "My hands are freezing cold!"

The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up."

He did and warmed his hands.

The following da...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There was a king with a beautiful virgin daughter

The king ruled a wealthy and massive kingdom, but he was obsessed with keeping his daughter a virgin. He had a device planted into her vagina that would chop off anything inserted into it.

He then called in his 3 best knights and told them that he would be off on a trip and that they would be...

What do women astronauts and my 14 year old daughter have in common?

"I have nothing to wear!"

The 3 step Chinese torture

A guy comes to a Chinese house in the middle of nowhere. Being late he ask to sleep in their house. The dad accepts but says: "If you sleep with my daughter I will use the 3 step Chinese torture on you!"

The guy accepts and enters the house. The daughter is stunning beautiful. Also she flirts...

My 9-yr old daughter just told me this one.

What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked out the window?

It looks like rain, dear.

My daughter got in a fight with some girl who called her a whale.

​

“Come on love,” I said, “You’re bigger than that.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man goes to the doctor and says he wants an STD test for his daughter.

“But she’s only ten” says the doctor, “is she sexually active?”

“Not really, she mostly just lies there” he replies.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A daughter calls her mother and says "I'm divorcing Nathan. All he wants is sex, sex and more sex."

My vagina is now the size of a 50-cent piece. when it used to be the size of a 5-cent piece.

Her mother says:

"You are married to a multi-millionaire. You live in a mansion. You drive a Ferrari. You get all the money. You take 6 vacations a year and you want to throw all that away for ...

I accidentally walked into my daughter’s room and was shocked to see her reenacting a fantasy scene from 50 Shades of Grey.

Like the one where she gets a decent job right out of college.

I wanted to write a movie script about a retired CIA agent who has to rely on his old skills to save his kidnapped daughter, but that idea was taken.

So I thought instead I'd write a script about a retired CIA operative who is taken hostage along with his wife in Instanbul, but that idea was taken, too.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A pregnant woman walks into a bank being robbed,

She tried to call the cops and got shot in the stomach three times. Luckily, all her children were safe.

15 years later, one of her daughters came up to her and said, "Mom, I was peeing and a bullet came out." So, she told her daughter the story.

Then, her other daughter walked into th...

My teenage daughter is really acting odd..

She can’t even

My 17-year-old daughter and I made up a joke today! Q: Who is the bread God’s arch-enemy?

A: The Anticrust!

[True story] A coworker never heard of the burger restaurant “Five Guys”

And his daughter told him “I had five guys last night and I’m not feeling well now.”

Who Did Princess Leia's Hair? (My daughter's joke)

Darth Braider

​

(I know, I know. She's a kid though. Lol)

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How does a Mom from Alabama know her daughter has started menstruating?

When her son's dick tastes like blood.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother a question

"Is it true what Rita just told me?" "What's that?" asks her mother. "That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter. "Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter. ...

Spanglish joke (OC by my daughter)

What did the road say to the other road? Why you so high wey?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A lady had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter was constantly calling her to get back into the dating world. Finally, she said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, "Mom, I have someone for you to meet!"

Well, it was an immediate hit.

They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Spain.

Their first night there, she undressed as he did.

There she stood nude, except for a pair of black panties, he in his birthday suit.

Lo...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A farmer has three daughters...

A farmer has three daughters and they all have dates on the same Saturday night. The daughters are upstairs getting ready and there’s a knock on the door.

The farmer answers the door to a nice looking young man who say:

“Hi, my names Joe I’m here to pick up Flo, we’re going to see a s...

Doctor to Mrs. Spew: “Is your daughter always stuttering like that?”

Mrs. Spew shakes her head: “No, only when she wants to say something.”

What is the difference between a Porsche and my friends daughter?

I’ve never been in my friends daughter.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A big rubber dildo hits the windshield of the family car

Daughter in the back says: "what was that?"

Mother answers: "nothing sweetheart.... Just a big fat bug"

Daughter replies: "it had a huge dick though!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month."

Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."

A mother called the doctor about her teenage daughter. "She refuses to eat anything but yeast and car wax. Now she's lying in bed asleep and I can't wake her. What should I do?" "There's nothing to worry about." said the doctor,

"she'll rise and shine soon enough..."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A father watched his young daughter as she played in the garden. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.

Suddenly she stopped and stared at the ground. The father went over to her to see what had captured her attention.

He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are those spiders doing?" she asked. "They’re mating," her father replied. "What do you call the spider on t...

I asked my daughter for a newspaper.

She laughed and said "You dont need a newspaper to read news. Here is my phone!"

So I used her phone to kill a spider on the wall.

I asked my daughter if she'd seen my newspaper.

She told me that newspapers are old school. She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her iPad.



That fly didn’t stand a chance.

My 5 y/old daughter told me no more Dad Jokes.

I told her that the only Dad Joke around here is You.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There's an old farmer with 3 beautiful daughters. He is very protective of them and meets every potential suitor at the front door, with a loaded shotgun in his hands.

Sure enough, come Saturday evening there's a knock at the door. The farmer jumps up, throws open the door and points his shotgun at the young man.

The fellow is a little startled, but manages to say "Hi, my name is Joe. I'm here for Flo. I'm here to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?"...

I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.

I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man is lost in the woods, but finds a cabin next to a small ravine

He knocks on the door and an old Chinese man answers. He asks if he could possibly stay the night, and the Chinese man says he can "But..." he warns "My daughter is very beautiful, and if you lay a finger on her I will inflict upon you the worst three tortures China has ever produced."

The ma...

The most annoying part about having my wife and daughter constantly wearing a burqa is the confusion

Last night, I accidentally slept with my wife!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old joke I heard from a friend of mine..

Once there was a millionaire who had a collection of live alligators. He kept them in a pool at the back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single.

One day, he decides to throw a huge party. During the party he announces, "My dear guests, I have a proposit...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An English man, Scottish man and Irish man having a conversation about their daughters.

English man: I went in my daughter's bedroom today, when she was out and there are empty bottles of beer everywhere, under her bed, in her bed, and all over the floor. I didn't even know she drank beer...


Well said the Scottish man in my daughter's bed room I found empty cigarette pac...

My wife wants to leave me. She says I care more about gambling than I do her or our daughter.

She’s obviously wrong. Why else am I refusing to leave the casino until I win my daughter’s college tuition money back?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An 18 year old girl tells her mom that she has missed her period for two months

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Fer...

A father in Iraq gifted his daughter a new bag. The daughter replied.....

Thanks for the Baghdad

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My 9 year old daughter is starting to ask me some really embarrassing questions about sex that I dont want to answer

I mean, just yesterday she asked me “is that the best you can do?”

A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter. "How much is that Barbie in the window?" he asks the shop assistant.

In a manner, she responds, "Which Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95 and Divorced Barbie for $395.00."

The guy asks, "Why is Divorced ...

Today my 10 year old daughter referred to the pile of dirty laundry that my wife is doing as.

Mount Wash More.

Courtesy of my 6yo daughter: What do you call a dinosaur that takes care of its teeth?

A Flossiraptor

My grandson

Edit: please go easy on this joke - my 15 year old daughter made it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The daughter walks up to her dad and asks to borrow his car. (NSFW)

Girl: “Hey dad. Can I borrow your car?”
Dad: “You can borrow it if you dropped to your knees and suck my dick.”
Girl: “Ew! You’re my father, I’m not gonna suck your dick!”

Few minutes go by and she considers her dad’s request as she really needs to borrow the car.

Girl: “Fine da...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What did the redneck say when he walked in on his daughter using a cucumber to masturbate?

Hey! I was going to eat that later! Now it's going to taste like cucumber.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If only my daughter could see this

I wouldn’t have to pay for her fucking eye surgery

A blonde mom is cooking dinner when her blonde daughter walks in.

The daughter asks, "Mom, why do people think we blondes are stupid?"

Her mother replies, "I'll show you", and taps hard on the kitchen counter.

Somewhat confused, the blonde daughter says, "Someone's at the door!".

The blonde mother laughs. "This is why people think we're stupid...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A farmer has three daughters...

Who all have dates on the same night. Considering how protective the farmer is as a father, he sat and waited for the boys with a shotgun in hand.

The first boy showed up: “I’m Eddy, lookin’ for Betty. We plan on spaghetti from Teddy’s, is she ready?”

The farmer took a good look at the...

A dying man's final wish is to be cremated. His daughter already having dealt with the pain of burying her mother, asks "where would you like to be placed?" He responds, "my favorite place of all time...

between your mother's legs."

What did the drummer name his twin daughters?

Anna one, Anna two.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three guys want to date a farmers daughter

There’s a black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican guy. When they confront the farmer and he says

“Okay I’ll tell you what. You three go out and pick 100 things from my farm. If you can shove all 100 up your ass you can date my daughter. If you can’t I’ll shoot ya.”

They all accept and th...

A couple had their first daughter and were deciding on a name.

The man decides he wants to call her Hope. The woman says “I like Love, let’s call her that!” They come to the resolution to name her Love, since that’s what the wife wanted so badly. Times goes by and baby Love is born a happy baby. Love continued to be a happy baby all through elementary school. H...

A rich mother in law has 3 daughters who are married off to 3 men....

She wanted to test whether her sons in law really cared about her or not. So she devised a plan. She invites her first SIL for a run and after reaching a river she purposefully slips into the river's current.
Without any hesitation first SIL jumps into the river and saves her. The very next day h...

My daughter learned to count!

My daughter woke me around 11:50 last night. My wife and I had picked her up from her friend Sally's birthday party, brought her home, and put her to bed. My wife went into the bedroom to read while I fell asleep watching the Braves game.

"Daddy," she whispered, tugging my shirt sleeve. "Gues...

[NSFW] What's the difference between this morning and my bosses daughter?

I'm not coming in this morning.

A farmer was working out in the field with his three daughters one day when he saw a car approach

A strapping young man stepped out of the car and approached the farmer confidently.

'Hello sir. My name's Dean, and I'm here to take Jean to the dairy Queen'

The farmer respects the lads courteous approach and says, 'Alright Jean off you go, you kids enjoy yourselves'. Not five minutes...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A daughter asked her mother, “Mom, how do you spell ‘scrotum’?”

Her mom replied, “Honey, you should have asked me last night—it was on the tip of my tongue.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Everyday Mom would take her 7 year Old Daughter for a drive in her car.

One day Mom was busy so Dad took the little girl for a drive.

Later Mom asked how was a drive with Dad?

Daughter: It was very strange. In the entire drive we did not see a single:

Idiot,
Nonsense,
Hell,
Bastard.

We Just Saw:

Hot,
Damn,
Wow,
Foxy...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A millionaire wants his daughter to marry...

So he decideds to host a competition for a small town nearby.
"To any man who can swim across this Piranha infested pool of water unharmed, may have my daughter's hand in marriage."
20 men line up next to the pool and stand there to scared to move. Suddenly a man jumps into the water and is sw...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Doug Pender lived all his life in the Florida Keys and is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons, are with him.

He asks for two witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place
to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:

"My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Ocean Reef houses."

"My daughter Sybil, you take the apartments between mile markers 100 and Tavernier."<...

My daughter wanted a bouncy castle for her birthday. The guy said the rental was $50 and the set-up fee was $1000 dollars. I said, “That’s outrageous!”

He just shrugged and said, “That’s inflation for you.”

"I'd like to have a toast" said the father-in-law at his daughters wedding

"Add some jam on it," he continued

A dad asks another dad while waiting for their daughters after school.

- Hey sir, is there any support group for dads with daughters in our city? Could you recommend me a good one?

Another dad replies:

- Of course, sir! They’re called pubs!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I brought my daughter out for her first drink...

While reading an article about fathers and sons drinking together, I remembered the time I took my daughter out for her first drink.
Off we went to our local bar only two blocks from the house.
I got her a Guinness. She didn't like it, so I drank it.
Then I got her a Killian's she did...

My daughter lost her first tooth today

I bet she won't touch my X- box again !

I love taking my blind daughter out for a drive.

Every time I hit a speed bump, I tell her it was a dog.

My wife didn’t believe that I would give our daughter an embarrassing name.

But I decided to call her Bluff.

I told my daughter to be sensible before her eighteenth birthday party.

She said, "You are only eighteen once!"


I said, "No...you're eighteen 365 times, unless it's a leap year."

My daughters have decided to open a computer repair service together!

They’re going to call it “2 Girls 1 CPU”

Daughter: “I’m pregnant.”

Me: “Hi pregnant, I’m dad.”

Daughter: “Yes, you are.”

My daughter identifies as a small group of words standing together as a conceptual unit, typically forming a component of a clause.

Should I be worried or is it just a phrase?

This one was from my daughter after dinner.

What did the linguini say to the spaghetti squash?


IMPASTA!

A divorced man was delighted when his daughter reached her 18th birthday

because it would be his final child support payment. Month after month, year after year he had paid, and now at last he would be free of the financial burden.

So he called his daughter over to his house and said: "I want you to take this last check to your mother’s house. You tell her this is...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A paralyzed man says to his friend, “Go upstairs and get my shoes. My feet are cold”

The friend goes upstairs and sees the paralyzed man’s two sexy 17 year old daughters.

He says, “Your father sent me up here to have sex with you.”

One of the girls replies, “That couldn’t possibly be true!”

The man says “I’ll prove it” and then yells towards the stairs, “Both of...

What did the drummer call his four daughters?

Anna 1...Anna 2....Anna 3...Anna 4...

I was driving with my daughter on a beautiful sunny day this winter and I said, "I can't believe how poor the visibility is."

She said, "What do you mean? It's perfectly clear." Pointing down I said, "I can only see four feet in front of us."

In court, a woman asks for custody of her daughter.

Woman claims that she gone through pain by giving birth to her daughter to bring her to this world therefore she should obtain the custody.

Then the judge asks the man for an argument why he should obtain the custody of his daughter.

The man said: "Judge, if you insert a coin into a ve...

Did you hear about Lori Laughlin's daughter?

I heard she has the No-Row virus.

The Godfather’s relaxing at his social club...

...with his crew. The usual gaggle of young Turks waits in the wings, hoping to get noticed, hoping to move up.

The Godfather calls one of them over.

“Jimmy, I hear good things about you. They tell me you’re serious, that you can be trusted.”

Jimmy swells with pride.

“I ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Greek mother gave her daughter marriage advice.

On her daughter's wedding day, she said, "We're Greek. You're father's Greek and your husband is Greek. So you need to listen to me."

"Okay, mama," said the bride.

"When you have sex, he's going to want you to turn over. Don't. Never turn over."

The daughter agreed and said she...

My daughter wants a pony for Christmas

I think a traditional turkey would taste better but it's her choice.

Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?"

Father: "Ask your sister.”

Daughter: "I don't have a si-"

My daughter was having problems with her G string and didn’t want her daddy’s help sorting it out.

Good thing I’m learning violin too and could help.

My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday. He said; maybe they’ll marry each other.

Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A captain calls his assistant, "I've got a job for you but first, go to the toilet and jerk off."

The assistant did so and reported back to the captain.
Captain said, "Good. How do you feel?"
Assistant said, "I feel great sir".
Captain said," Good. Now, go back to the toilet and jerk off once more."
Assistant did so, this time a bit tired, reported back to the captain.

Ca...

A daughter is in love

A daughter runs to her mother and says: „Mum, I‘m in love!“

„That’s great honey! Who is the lucky boy?“

„It’s the mailman!“

„Honey, he could be your father!“

„But mum, age is just a number.“

„I think you don’t understand what I mean...“

My daughter brought her new boyfriend home to meet us.

He seemed a bit of a gangster at first but then I realised he was in fact just deaf.

The farmer and his three daughters

A farmer has three daughters and on the same night they’re all going out with different guys the doorbell rings and the farmer answers the door with a shotgun for intimidation

The first guy says “hey i’m joe i’m here for flo we’re going to the show is she ready to go?”

The farmer liked...

What is the punchline to this joke my daughter's Fozzie Bear toy says?

My daughter has a muppet babies Fozzie Bear talking toy.

He says numerous phrases including singing the muppet babies theme song and who could forget his memorable catch phrase "wakka wakka"

But then, being the jokester he is, says this:

"Did you ever hear the one about the ba...

What did the father cow say to his daughter, when she came home late yet again?

You are an UDDER disappointment to this family young lady!

(I hit the spoiler on my last post, so just decided to remake it, sorry for the double post).

A father walks in on her daughter pleasuring herself with a cucumber.

"Gross" he says, "I was gonna eat it. Now it will taste like cucumber."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Imagine having sex with your boss's daughter.

And remembering that you are self employed.

A boy fell in love with the neighbour's daughter

Son: "Daddy, I fell in love & want to date this awesome girl!"

Father: "That's great son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Sandra, the neighbor's daughter".

Father: "Oh hoo, I wish you hadn't said that.
I have to tell you something son, but you must
promise not to tell your mot...

Daughter: Can I lick the bowl, Mommy?

Mother: No you little freak, get back in there and flush like everyone else.

What did the tennis instructor name his daughter?

Annette.

A poor farmer who lived in a small mining town came to its mayor and asked him if his son could marry his daughter.

The mayor angry at this insolent request, asked: "Why would I ever let your miserable kid marry my princess daughter?" which the farmer promptly replied: "Because he is the new general manager of the mines". The mayor, surprised and impressed with this information, ended up accepting his daughter's ...

The stripper's parents didn't have faith that their daughter would go on to do something better...

They just didn't believe in destiny.

What can Donald Trump and I both agree on?

That if Ivanka wasn't Trump's daughter, I would date her.

I asked my five year old daughter what she wanted for her birthday.

"I want unicorns, rainbows and fairies," she giggled.

LSD it is then.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A daughter asks her dad if she can have a sleepover with her girlfriends and he agrees

Later on, he over hears their game of truth or dare to which the daughter's friend asks her when the last time she had an orgasm was. The daughter replied, "Oh, about 3 days ago." and her dad bursts into the room yelling, "I KNEW YOU WERE FAKING LAST NIGHT!"

So my friend's daughter Zas, who is 3, asked me where eggs come from.

I said, 'Well, they come from a chicken'.

To which she replied: 'But where do they COME from?'

I chuckled and said, 'From a chicken, silly!'

But this did not satisfy her.

'I mean WHERE do they come from?'

'From chickens of course', I reiterated for the third time.<...

People wonder how my wife and I can still love our daughter even though she's a stripper

But she twerks for us

Joke from my daughter

Her: Why did the chicken cross the road? Me: Why?
Her: To get to the ugly guy's house. Me: ??? Her: Knock knock Me: Who's there? Her: It's the chicken!

The kings daughter

The kings daughter gets married to the prince of the neighboring kingdom. He couldn't bear that his precious darling is going away with another man. He calls his best spy to check on her and to ensure she's being treated well as the prince's wife.

The next day the spy comes and reports to th...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Mother-in-law says to her daughter-in-law "I don't mean to offend you, but my grandson looks nothing like my son".

Daughter-in-law replies, "I've got a fanny between my legs, not a fucking photocopier".

My three daughters will be named Jenna, Tay and Leah

So that they never forget where they came from.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My wife went out today, so I had my hands full watching our daughter. She's kind of a whirling dervish, running around, bouncing off the walls, when suddenly, she stopped to play with my computer, broke the R button and tried to eat it...

She craves anarchy...

My 14-year-old daughter has finally met her online boyfriend in real life.

Must be big love, haven't seen her for weeks.

What do you call a waffle on a California beach?

A Sandy Eggo. - Compliments of my cousin's 6 year old daughter (She says "Hi" by the way).

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A dad walks in on his teenage daughter showering

"OMG, dad! I'm naked!"

"Hi, naked, I'm dad."

"For fuck's sake, at least stop masturbating!!"

My daughter just broke my glasses.

I'm so mad I can't see straight.

I heard my daughter say her first words to me today...

"where have you been in the last 20 years?"

My daughter asked for a Cinderella themed birthday party...

So I made her and friends mop the floor and do the dishes.

My daughter was diagnosed with a pneumonia

I’m not sure where else to post this. This sub feels most fitting, but it’s been a long night. Please advise where it may be better suited if you’d like.

So our night sucked but had a silver lining in my two year old daughter’s comedic timing. We had to rush her to the ER at 3:00am (vomiting ...

What's the difference between girl spaghetti and boy spaghetti?

Meatballs.

My 10 year old daughter just told me this and I had to share.

I’m super excited for the birth of my daughter. 7lbs5oz.

My wife isn’t too excited about this new name though.

A king held a contest for all the men in the kingdom and the winner would get his beautiful daughter as his bride.

However, he didn't say what type of contest it was but his daughter's beauty drew many brave contestants.

Once gathered in his castle, he revealed a large moat filled with an assortment of beasts.

"The first man to cross the moat will inherit all my riches as well as my daughter. Who a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The pregnant lady and the serial killer.

Once, a lady pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when suddenly a man wearing a black mask and a hood came up to her and shot 3 bullets in her stomach.

She was rushed to the hospital by a witness while the culprit fled the scene. Miraculously, they all survived, but the babies ...

I was talking to my neighbor's six year-old daughter and she said she wanted to be President some day.

Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, "If you were to be the President, what's the first thing you would do?"

She replied, "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.'

"Wow - what a worthy goal," I told her, "You don't have to wait unti...

I phoned my daughter, "Where are you? You should have been here an hour ago for our family dinner."

She said, "I'm with my boyfriend getting ready. We're almost finished."

"Thank goodness, I never liked him anyway."

Whenever a stranger in public calls my daughter “princess...”

I order them to bow before me, for I am apparently their King.

My daughter just cracked my new Iphone Xs screen, so I’m passing it back to a lucky commenter. Info below.

Girl, 7-year-old, can do basic math and alphabet, good at housework, overall a good child.

I rang my boss last night...

I asked "What's the difference between your daughter and tomorrow?"

I'm not coming in tomorrow.