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Daughter Jokes

One day, a husband telephones his wife, but his daughter answers.

"Hello!"

"Hey honey, this is daddy. Is mommy near the phone?"

"No daddy, she's upstairs jn the bedroom with uncle Jake."

"But you don't have an uncle Jake, sweetie..."

"Uh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with mommy right now."

"Ok honey, I need you to go...

I told my daughter, “Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.” Puzzled, she asked, “What’s that got to do with anything?” I chuckled, "Well, that means..."

"It’s pasture bedtime!”

I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "It’s true!"

"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"

Joke from my 8 year old daughter for Halloween.

Why didn’t the ghost like to take showers?



Because it would dampen his spirits.

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Daughters.

A mother had three virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.

The first girl se...

A farmer had three daughters

And they all three had dates planned for this evening. The farmer got his shotgun out to clean as well for added intimidation for the gentlemen callers.
At 5PM there was a knock on the door, so the farmer answered it with his shotgun in tow.

A young man was standing in the stoop, and said,...

My Daughter: "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

Me: "I dunno"

"To get to the idiots house"
.
.
.
.
.
"Knock knock"

Me: "Who's there?"

"It's the chicken...."



She's 8...

We just bought our new dream house and as I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs!?" I chuckled and replied, "Awwwww sweetie...."

"Stairs don't talk!"

A wealthy, but stingy father was trying to put a birthday party together for his 18 y/o daughter.

He wanted the party to be extravagant, but wanted to spend as little money as possible. He had finished all of the other decorations, and he was left to work on the cake.

"Why not get it ordered from an upscale bakery?" his wife said.

So the father visited a ton of different bakeries a...

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Plastic Surgeon Dad, Operates On His Own Daughter....

There was a plastic/cosmetic surgeon,
who did some procedures on his own daughter,

He did her Nose, Boobs, and a few other things....

When people said she was pretty,
He then would jokingly say to them:

"she got her good looks from me!"

My daughter brought a friend from school and she said his great-great-great-great-grandfather was coming to pick him up later

I was impressed and asked: "Does he know how his so many greats grandfather lived for so long?"

My daughter answered: "It's because of my friend's stutter."

As my daughter was walking out the door to go on her first date, in my best grumpy old tough guy dad voice, I growled, "I want her home before midnight." The boy she was going with stopped dead in his tracks, turned slowly around and with wide eyes replied....

"But you already own her home!"

There was a farmer who had three daughters

All of his 3 daughters were going on their first dates that same evening. Being protective of them, he decided to meet their suitors at the front door with his gun.

So the first suitor arrived and told the farmer: "Hi I'm Joe, I'm here for Flo, we're going to the show, is she ready to go?" T...

An old man was visiting his daughter and grandson

During the visit, the grandson crawled up into his lap and said "Grandpa, can you make a noise like a frog?"

"Why sure!" the man said & offered several croaking ribbit sounds.

Delighted, the boy jumped down and ran over to a nearby closet, working hard to remove a suitcase from th...

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Chuck Norris daughter lost her virginity

He found the guy. And he got it back.

My daughter asked me, “What do ballerinas wear?”, and I did not remember.

I feel bad that I couldn’t put tu and tu together.

My daughter really wants a dog this Christmas

I am open for new ideas but we normally eat turkey.

The Daughter's Confession

Mandy asks her mother for a few minutes to have a serious conversation. Concerned for her college-age daughter, Nina stops what she's doing and makes them coffee. They sit for a few minutes, with Mandy looking nervous.

"What is it, sweetie?" her mother asks. You know you can tell me anything...

The farmer and his daughters.

There is a farmer with three, beautiful daughters. He was always wary of them dating horrible guys so he forbid them to date their entire teenage lives.

But when they turned eighteen the daughters told their father he couldn’t stop them from dating anymore and the farmer, so, instead of fig...

"Craig, I caught your son playing 'doctor' with my daughter!"

"Oh lord, that kid. My boy didn't do anything inappropriate, did he?"

"I'll say! The co-pay he charged was outrageous!"

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts.

He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question - and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and aft...

My daughter's teacher called me

She said,
"We are considering to move your daughter to a special class, as her homeworks could not meet the standard for more than a month already."

I was so angry.

"No way, I did the homework for her."

you ever hear about Darth Vader's other daughter, Ella Vader?

She's really going up in the world.

A farmer and his daughter move to a new farm ...

A boy from a neighboring farm comes over to welcome his new neighbors and is immediately smitten. The next day the boy returns with a gift of a baby deer. The day after that he gives the daughter a pure white bird. The following day he delivers a healthy female sheep. After the third gift, the ...

my daughter asked me for a set of wheels. told me shed give me rides anytime I wanted

So I got her a rickshaw for Christmas.

Donald Trump’s daughter got married this weekend

For her “something blue,” he gave her Nevada

A man and his daughter get in a fight

Dad: go to your room, young lady

daughter: Jim Morrison is stupid

she then shuts the door loudly

dad: hey, don't slam the doors

I had an idea for a movie plot where a retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris.

Turns out that idea was taken. I then had another idea for a movie where the same agent is kidnapped with his ex-wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken too.

My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.

It's my way or the Huawei.

My daughter informed me that the earth is tilted at a 23.5 degree angle

I responded, “That’s not right.”

With a scowl, she pulled up google and proved to me that the earth is, in fact, tilted at a 23.5 degree angle.

“Precisely,” I agreed. “If the angle were right it would be 90°.”

My daughter told me that she now believes in the power of rocks

I thought that she became spiritual,
Turns out she just started smoking Crack

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“You took my daughter’s virginity!”

“I’m sorry Sir, it won’t happen again!”

I was surprised when Kim Jong Un agreed to let me marry his daughter

Cause now I get to call him my father-un-law

My daughter just walked into the living room and said

"Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, and stereo, and iPhone, and iPod, and my laptop. Please take all of my jewellery to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my new car, take my front door key away from me and throw ...

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A lady had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter was constantly calling her to get back into the dating world. Finally, she said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, "Mom, I have someone for you to meet!

Well, it was an immediate hit.

They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Spain.

Their first night there, she undressed as he did.

There she stood nude, except for a pair of black panties, he in his birthday suit.

Lo...

My wife threatened to divorce me when I said I was going to give our daughter a silly name...

So I called her Bluff...

From my eight year old daughter: What is the strongest bird?

A crane.

A mom takes her daughter to the doctor

The doctor says, “Okay, what seems to be the problem?”

The mother says, “It’s my daughter Suzie. She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight and is sick most mornings.”

The doctor gives Suzie a good examination, and then turns to the mother and says, “Well, I don’t know h...

A daughter asks her father, “Dad, what are your views on abortion?”

Her father replies, “Why don’t you ask your sister.”

Daughter replies, “But I don’t have a sister….. oh”

I told my daughter that I saw a deer on the way to work this morning.

She asked me: “How did you know it was on its way to work?”

Every year I get my daughter a bouncy castle for her birthday party.

This year I notices that the prices had almost doubled from this time last year.

I asked the guy behind the counter why the sudden price rise.

He told me “that’s just the price of inflation unfortunately”

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Father is a fisherman, Mother crochets. Son plays rugby and Daughter is a prostitute. What do they have in common?

All are hookers.

A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.

They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.

Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”

“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”

My kindergarten daughter asked me a question,

so I answered her back In confidence with the correct answer. She asked me “how I knew that”, so I answered her that “I knew everything.” This infuriated my daughter and she told me there were people out there that knew more than me. I was shocked and told her “I didn’t know anyone smarter than m...

A father heard his daughter praying inside her room...

Daughter: "God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma, Goodbye grandpa..."
Dad: Honey, why did you say "goodbye grandpa"?
Daughter: I don't know daddy, it just feels right.

The grandpa died the following day but that dad thought it's just a coincidence.
One week later, he he...

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An Irish daughter returns back home..

An Irish daughter returns back home after 5 years. Upon her return her father comes down heavily on her.


"Wher‌‌e hav‌‌e y‌‌e bee‌‌n al‌‌l thi‌‌s time‌‌, child‌‌? Wh‌‌y di‌‌d y‌‌e no‌‌t writ‌‌e t‌‌o us‌‌, no‌‌t eve‌‌n ‌‌a line‌‌? Wh‌‌y didn'‌‌t y‌‌e call‌‌? Ca‌‌n y‌‌e no‌‌t understan‌‌d w...

My daughter came home from school yesterday and told us this joke: What do you get from a fat cow?

Homework.

My daughter was doing her homework and asked me what I knew about Galileo.

I, proudly and confidently, told her that he was just a poor boy from a poor family.

My little daughter came to me all excited, saying, “Daddy! Daddy! Guess how old I’ll be this August!” I chuckled, “Oh I don’t know princess, why don’t you tell me?” She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers.

It’s now three hours later, the police are annoyed and she *still* won’t say where she got them!

A mother and her young daughter were visiting New York City.

The mother was trying to hail a cab when her daughter noticed several wildly dressed women who were loitering on a nearby street corner.

The mother finally hailed her cab and they both climbed in, at which point the young daughter asked "Mommy, what are all those ladies waiting for by that co...

A mom and her daughter are riding in the car together…

The mom asks her daughter: “Honey your birthday is coming up, what do you want?”

The daughter replies, “ I want a Barbie and GI Joe!”

“But honey, Barbie comes with a Ken doll.” the mom replies.

The daughter quickly responds: “That’s not true mom, Barbie fakes it with Ken, she c...

How do you get into bed with the farmers daughter?

A tractor

My 6-year-old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill.

Looks like she's preparing some kind of
barbie queue.

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My wife keeps complaining how unfair it is that I played no part in the birth of our daughter...

when I feel like I in fact played the *semenal* role

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A boy asks his mother, "Mommy, why is my cousin named Barry?"

"Well," says the mother, "your aunt Linda named her son Barry because she likes to eat berries."

"I see," says the boy. "And why is my other cousin named Stu?"

"Well", replies the mother, "you aunt Molly named her son Stu because she likes to eat stew."

"Very interesting. Why...

If I ever have twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate..

....and the second one Duplikate.

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The Mafia leader asks his right-hand man if he would do anything he says .

The guy says he’ll give his life for his Capo. Ok then , "Go into the bathroom, jerk off and bring it out."

Then he hands him a plastic cup.

Unsure of what's going on, the right-hand man goes into the bathroom, jerks off into the plastic cup, and comes out.

The Mafia leader s...

A man had a cattle ranch that he ran with his two daughters.

One day their only bull went crazy, broke through the fence and killed the man. The bull was injured and was attacking everything and everyone in sight. The daughters had to put him down. They needed a new bull, but they only had $1000 in cash. So one daughter decided to go to town and see if she co...

A prudish mother visits her adult daughter

Her daughter was living in an apartment with a young man, and she did not approve of her living situation. The daughter picked up the mother from the airport, and brought her home. The mother carefully looked around the house. Two bedrooms, one clearly the daughter's, and one clearly belonging to...

Chore time at the house. My daughter was freaking out at the sight of the plates, cups, bowls, et cetera stacked in the sink. I looked at her reassuringly and told her…

Dishes not the time to panic.

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A dad overhears his daughter...

One day, a dad overheard his daughter praying in her room. She said "bless mom, bless dad, bless grandmom, goodbye grandad". He found this weird but didn't say anything. A few hours later the family finds out that her grandad had passed away. The dad freaked out initially, but chalked it up to coinc...

A young couple was getting ready to give birth to their first child,

and they had determined that the child should not be named until after it was born, so that they could meet it and make the name based on that first magical moment. On the day of the birth, a beautiful baby girl was born and the parents were instantly smitten.

"It's 'Love.'" said the mother....

The rich alligator collector and his beautiful daughter

Once there was a rich man who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool behind his mansion. He also had a beautiful single daughter.

So, one day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces: "My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give ...

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She was only the welder's daughter

But she had Acetylene tits.

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The king was looking for a prince to marry his only daughter.

Naturally the king was very picky and decided to devise a set of tests only the bravest, storngest and most feirce would even dare.

Princes from all around the world showed up and the tests begun.
After a growling month where more then half didn't even survive, a clear winner came forward...

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A farmer has three beautiful daughters...

and every weekend, they all go out on dates. Every weekend the farmer will stand at the door with a shotgun to assess the date. Well, on one particular Saturday, the farmer was waiting and hears a knock at the door. He opens it up and is greeted by a nice looking man. He goes, "Hi I'm Joe, I'm here ...

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Lorena Bobbitt makes getaway

While leaving the scene of her infamous revenge, Lorena discovers that she is still gripping the disconnected member of that cheating ba***rd. She flings it out the car window into oncoming traffic.

Unfortunately it slaps against the windshield of a mom and young daughter.

Mom, !! Wh...

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A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator. What are you doing?" she exclaimed.

The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on the sofa with h...

My wife asked what I thought our daughter was going to do in college...

"Crash and burn. It's a double major."

A woman had three young daughters...

One day, the first daughter came to her and said "Mama, how did I get my name?"

"Well, the day you were born, a beautiful lily flower floated in through the window and landed on your head, so we named you Lily."

The second daughter asks "Mama, how did I get my name?"

"Well, the ...

Called my daughter up and explained I've changed my name to spinal column. She replied that she was very busy and would...

...have to call me back.

My daughter came home from her first day at school and announced that she "learned how to make babies"

You drop the "y" and add "ies".

A might King was nearing the end of his life, and knew he needed a suitor for his daughter before he died.

In order to find the bravest, mightiest, most valiant man in the Kingdom (and perhaps cull out a few of the weaker ones), the King decided to host a challenge.

He invited the *entire* Kingdom to gather around a large pool that he filled with snakes, alligators, eels, and every other kind of d...

As I was introducing my family to our new neighbors, the guy exclaimed, “Wow! Your wife and daughter look like twins!” I chuckled and said...

“Well, they *were* separated at birth!"

I took my 8 year old daughter to the office on “Take Your Kid To Work Day.”

When we walked in the office she
started to cry.

As concerned staff gathered round I
asked her what was wrong and she
said, "Daddy where are all the clowns
you said you worked with?"


Funny joke I found online a little while ago lol.

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At a wedding in Glasgow I whispered to a guy next to me, "Isn't the bride a right ugly dog" "Do you mind. That's my daughter you're talking about" "I'm sorry, I didn't know you were her father''...

'I'm her fucking mother' came the reply

A six-year-old comes crying to his mom...

He's crying because his sister pulled his hair. "Don't be angry" said the mom, "your little sister doesn't realize that pulling hair hurts".

A short while later, there's more crying, and the mother goes to investigate. This time her daughter is crying and her son says "Now she knows".

Woman asks her friend "How are your kids getting on now?"

"Fine!" Comes the reply. "My oldest boy grew up to be a doctor, the second grew up to be a teacher, and my daughter grew up to be a lawyer!"

"What about your youngest boy? How's he doing?”

"Ah. He grew up to be a thief. He lives at home with us still."

"So you let your three de...

Good mood

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

"But, officer" the man began "I can explain"

"Just be quiet" snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."

"But, officer, I just wanted to say"...

A man asked his daughter to give him the newspaper

A man asked his daughter to give him the newspaper. "Newspapers are old" she said, and gave him the ipad instead.
The fly did not stand a chance

Teenager's Mom is worried that her daughter has been skipping Sunday School

Mom: Now then Barbara why have you not been attending Sunday School?

Barbara: Because its boring and I don't learn anything.

Mom: That's ridiculous, you can a lot about life, for example do you know who made you?

Barbara: Originally or recently?

I asked my daughter why Harry Styles left his band to go solo.

She said he wanted to go a different direction.

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My daughter was complaining about her boyfriend’s penis

So I told her to learn to appreciate the little things in life

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Walmart installed a medical kiosk

Walmart installed a medical kiosk. For $10 and a urine sample, it would diagnose any condition. When my friend went with a sore elbow, the computer printout read "You have tennis elbow. Soak it in warm water and avoid heavy work for 2 weeks" Impressed, my friend wondered if he could fool the machine...

A father and a daughter are travelling in a big foreign city

They are attacked by a group of robbers, and they are left destitute. The father breaks into tears.

"My daughter, what are we going to do now? We are doomed!" He cries, hopeless.

"No, we are not", says the daughter smiling, and hands him his wallet with all the money in place.
...

My daughter brought her boyfriend round to meet me earlier, he wouldn't even look me in the eye.

He just sat there, staring at my gun.

My daughter was born this morning, July 4th.

It’s the day I lost my independence.



(This is also true, she was born around 2:30 this morning and baby and mama are doing well).

Mother and daughter go to a store to buy clothes...

**The mother tries on a dress and asks her teenage daughter:**

**Mother: Does this dress look good on me?**

**Daughter: Mom, you promise that no matter what I say you won't be mad?**

**Mother: I promise.**

**Daughter: I'm pregnant.**

There once lived a homeless man

The homeless man is wandering about a riverbank one day, when he spots a young woman whose tripped and fell into the river.

Being the kind soul he is, he doesn't hesitate to jump in and rescue her.

All is well, as he managed to save her from drowning.

Suddenly, the richest man ...

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Family is at the dinner table

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hangi...

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Three Beautiful Potatoes

Mr and Mrs Potato Head have three beautiful daughters. One night, they're gathered around the dinner table when the eldest daughter speaks up.

"Mom, Dad, I have something to tell you... I'm getting married!"

Mrs Potato Head looks at her "This is such a surprise! Who is he?"

The ...

A young girl.

A young girl, who was writing a paper for school, came to her father and asked...

"Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?"

The father replied, "It is mostly a matter of degree."

"Let me show you what I mean... "

With that, the father went to the tele...

Dad finds a BDSM toys set in his daughter's room

"Well, I'm assuming that punishing you is pointless..."

A man needs a cake for his daughter's birthday.

He's not the richest of men, which puts the nicer cake shops out of the question. However, he's confident that he can figure something out.

Down the road from where he lives, an old Buddhist man owns a pastry store. He's a kind man, with reasonable prices and a perpetual smile on his face. Ho...

She was only the Admiral's daughter....

But her naval base was always full of discharged seamen.

The news today about a woman who injected her 8 year old daughter with Botox for beauty pageants. She has been arrested and lost custody.

The child didn’t look surprised.

My 6 year old daughter has been complaining about monsters under her bed for ages.

It seemed cute and funny at the beginning but it's been twenty minutes now, and I'm wondering if I should just crawl out already.

I have two kids and a dog. My dog is nine, my daughter is five, and my son is two.

I have no idea how old they are, that’s just how I rank them.

As a woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom door...

She heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter with a vibrator.

Shocked, she asked: 'what in the world are you doing?'

The daughter replied: 'Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get ...

Why doesn't Thanos have a daughter of his own?

He has blue balls.

I suspect my daughter might enjoy alphabet pasta...

but I don't want to put words in her mouth.

What did the drummer name his two daughters?

Anna 1
Anna 2

She was only the toolmaker’s daughter.

But she sure gave the boys her awl.

A mother hears a humming sound from her daughter's bedroom and walks in.

Finding her daugher sitting on the bed using her vibrator she asked, "What are you doing?!"

"I'm a 35 year old woman living with my parents. This is the closest I'll ever get to a husband, " replies the daughter.

The mother silently leaves the room. The next day, the father hears a hu...

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The Hospital

A sweet old lady telephoned the hospital.

She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator said, "I can, what's the name and room number?"

The old laday in her weak voice said, "Doreen Jacobs, Room 604."

The ope...

A mother and her 2 daughters are at a cemetery

One of the kids is curious and asks her mom “Mommy, why am I named Rose?”

Their mom replies “Because when you were a baby, a rose petal fell on your head.”

Her second daughter asks “Mommy, why am I named Daisy?”

Her mom replies “Because when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell o...

A man walks by a farm, where he sees a pig with a wooden leg

He's never seen anything like it before; the pig is just wandering around the farm, but with a well crafted wooden leg. His curiosity gets the better of him and he waves the farmer over.

"Sorry to bug you," the man says, "but I just have to ask, how did that pig end up with a wooden leg?"...

My son was just born.

Another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday... he said maybe they'll marry each other.

Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age.

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A barbarian slave in Rome somehow won the attention of Caesar's daughter

They became lovers. To avoid pregnancy, they agreed to oral sex only. After just a few encounters, they were caught in the act. At first the barbarian, imprisoned and sentenced to fight to entertain the crowd, regretted his poor judgment.

Eventually, though, he was gladiator.

My daughter just made this one up… What do you call a unicorn with two horns?

A goat.

I asked my 5 year old daughter what she wanted for her birthday?

She said, she wanted unicorns,fairies and rainbows.

LSD it is then.

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Poor Irish Family

A poor Irish family lives on a farm and they rely on their single cow for income.

One morning, the father walks outside to find their cow dead.

"There is nothing that could help get us out of poverty now," says the dad as he shoots himself.

The mom walks outside and sees the dad...

An old man is put into a nursing home by his daughter...

He sits in the common lounge room and leans to the left.

A nurse aide runs over and stops him from falling from his chair and straitens him up.

A few minutes later He starts leaning to the right - but again a nurse aide runs over and straitens him up.

Later, his daughter calls i...

I recently heard about a young adult novel in which Schrodinger’s cat and Pavlov’s dog team up for a cross country adventure…

So, I headed down to the library with my daughter to see if they had a copy.

The librarian said the description rang a bell but she wasn’t sure if it was there or not..

I finally sat down with my teenage daughter and had a chat about "The Birds and the Bees."

I learned a lot.

Inspired by the Egyptian goddess of motherhood, I announced that I would name my unborn daughter Isis.

People lost their heads.

My daughter was doing her homework and asked me what I knew about Galileo.

He's the guy who took peaking into windows to a whole new level.

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An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day, when the daughter said, "My hands are freezing cold!" The mother replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up."

The daughter did and her hands warmed up.

The next day, the daughter was riding with her boy friend who said, "My hands are freezing cold!"

The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up."

He did and warmed his hands.

The following da...

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A mother found out condoms in her daughter's dresser. She is obviously concerned, so she asks her, "Are you sexually active?" The daughter replies...

Not really, mom. I just sort of lie there.

My daughter felt really grown up watching Turning Red.

It was her first period film.

So I recently was walking with my young daughter through town…

Where I bumped into an old mate, Steve.

“You alright Steve, this is my daughter, Beth,” I said.

“Alright mate, what’s Beth short for?”

“Well, she is only 3,” I replied.

I sat my daughter down and told her she was my least favourite child...

...she laughed and said

"Of course I am, but I'm your only child!"

I replied

"No, you don't understand, I mean globally"

One Friday Night Bob's four Teenage daughter were all going out on a dates.

Bob told his daughters, "As soon as your dates arrive I'll talk to them. If I don't like them, I'll shoot them."

The doorbell rang and bob answered the door, shotgun in hand. "Who are you?" Bob asked. The boy said, "My name is Teddy. I am going steady with Betty. We are getting Spaghetti. Is ...

Mother and daughter go to the doctor

After running some tests due to some non specific symptoms, the doctor tell them, “well looks like you are going to be a grandma, your daughter is pregnant ma’am”

The mother is infuriated, insults the doctor telling him that her daughter “knows no man” and leaves the office fuming.

The...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day some builders arrived to put up a house on the lot

The family had a three year old daughter who naturally took some interest in all the activity going on next door.

She hung around on the margins, and eventually the builders adopted her as kind of a mascot. They chatted to her and gave her little pretend jobs to do.

At the end of the w...

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