Hey girl, are you a cop?

... because you’ve taken my breath away.

A naked man arrives at a costume party with a girl on his back.

"I'm a turtle", he says.

"Oh... who's on your back?"

"That's Michelle", he replies.

A pretty girl kissed me today

I wish I could post this in another subreddit.

A Jewish girl asked for my number



I told her we use names now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little girl lands position as construction boss.

**A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.**


**The young family’s 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are circumsized penises so popular among Jewish girls?

They love anything that's 15% off

Just a joke lol

Son: "Daddy, I fell in love and want to date this awesome girl!"

Father: "That's great, son! Who is she?"

Son: "It's Sandra, the neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Sandra is actually your sister."

The boy is naturally bummed out, bu...

This girl I met on Tinder had a tattoo of a seashell on her innerthigh

If you put your ear against it and listened closely, you could smell the sea.

This girl on Tinder asked me why I have an unlit cigarette in my picture.

I told her that I am looking for matches.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young teenage girl was making a living as a prostitute

and for obvious reasons she kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but littl...

Damn girl, are you a toaster?

Because a bath with you would send me to heaven.

A mom visist her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate

A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of th...

A couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger.

She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.

"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said.

The girl agreed to have a bath the followin...

Yesterday, a beautiful girl asked me if I wanted to watch a movie.

She said, "What movie would you like to see?" I said, “You pick." She said, “You pick." I said, “I don't care. You pick." She said, “Sir, there are people waiting behind you waiting to buy tickets."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had sex with a blind girl yesterday

She said, “You have the biggest penis I’ve ever put my hands on.”

I said, “Nah. Your just pulling my leg.”

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.....

...in a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

"Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

* The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
* The bouncer is a blonde girl.
* I'm a 6...

Your essays should be like a girls skirt.

Long enough to cover the subject, short enough to keep it interesting and on the desk by Friday midnight.

Tw‌‌o wive‌‌s went ou‌‌t fo‌‌r girls‌‌' night.

Bot‌‌h go‌‌t drunk‌‌, starte‌‌d walkin‌‌g hom‌‌e an‌‌d ha‌‌d t‌‌o g‌‌o t‌‌o th‌‌e bathroom‌‌. The‌‌y stoppe‌‌d a‌‌t ‌‌a cemeter‌‌y bu‌‌t ha‌‌d nothin‌‌g t‌‌o wip‌‌e with‌‌. On‌‌e use‌‌d he‌‌r pantie‌‌s an‌‌d th‌‌e othe‌‌r grabbe‌‌d ‌‌a wreat‌‌h of‌‌f ‌‌a grave‌‌.

Th‌‌e nex‌‌t morning‌‌, on‌‌e...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Girl: “Forgive me father for I have sinned.”

Priest: “What have you done my child?”

Girl: “I called a man a son of a bitch.”

Priest: “Why did you call him a son of a bitch?”

Girl: “Because he touched my hand.”

Priest: “Like this?” (as he touches her hand)

Girl: “Yes father.”

Priest: “That’s no reason t...

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10 Catholic school girls are on a bus when they are hit by train and immediately sent to the pearly gates...

St. Peter awaits them ready to speak to each lady to determine if they are worthy of entering into heaven. He asks the first girl,

"So Marie, have you ever touched a man's genitals?" Marie says, "Well I once touched the tip with my finger." Peter tells Marie to dip her finger into the pool...

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won’t notice.

Call her fat once and she will never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.

I want to tell you about a girl who only eats plants,

You’ve probably never heard of herbivore.

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Three girls, a blonde, a readhead and a brunette, are having lunch break together...

The brunette opens her lunchbox and sighs:"My husband is so kind, he prepares my lunch every day but... Again a tuna sandwich?"

The readhead opens hers and sighs too:"Crap, tuna sandwich for me too... Again!"

The blonde opens hers and goes:"Guess what? I got the same t...

Funny that when a guy sleeps with tons of girls, he's a stud..

But when a girl sleeps with tons of guys, somehow I’m not one of them.

Damn girl, are you a piñata?

Cause imma need a blindfold to hit that.

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A Policeman on a horse stops a little girl on a bike and says “Did Santa get you that?”

“Yes" replies the little girl.

“Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!” and fines her £30.

The little girl looks up at the Policeman and says, “Nice horse you’ve got there, did Santa bring you that?”

The Policeman chuckles and replies, “He sure did!”

“Wel...

A girl with tight skirt tries to get on a bus....

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarras...

A guy and a girl are going to prom together.

She wants a new dress, so they spend time shopping for the dress and he stands in line for the checkout for a very long time, but eventually makes it to the counter to buy the dress for her.

She also asks for a corsage, so the guy goes to the floral shop to buy her a corsage. The line is ver...

A girl reached into my pants today and said

I know there is a joke here but I can't find it.

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Girl 1: Mother, why is my name Rose?

Mother: Because when you were just a precious little baby, a rose fell off a tree and onto your head.

Girl 2: But mother, why am I named Blossom?

Mother: Well my darling, same with you; a blossom blew from a tree and onto your head.

Girl 3: Mufaghh ma waafaa maaa?

Mother:...

Today I was asked to go out, by 20 girls.

Sadly, I was in the women’s bathroom.

Want to know how to get a fat girl in bed?

It’s a piece of cake

I took my 8-year old girl to the office with me on, "Take Your Kid to Work Day." As we were walking around the office, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked what was wrong with her…

As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!"

So was at a bar last night and saw this fat chick wearing a shirt that said, "Caution, I'm a maneater". I walked up to the girl and timidly said, "Excuse me, Miss...about your shirt."

She interrupted me before I could continue and furiously shouted, "Oh let me guess, you're here to make a comment about how I'm so fat and how I actually eat men. I can't help my weight you know. I have feelings too and your comments can really hurt."

I looked at her, confused and said,"That'...

So I asked my girlfriend what she would want for her birthday next week

She said: "Well, I dreamt of a golden ring with lots of small diamonds."

I asked her: "What do you think it means?"

She smiled and said: "I don't know..."

Flash forward to her birthday, with all our family members at the table, I gave her my present.

I still don't know w...

A little girl asks her mum

A little girl asks her mum "mummy, how was I born" Her mother smiled and replied "once upon a time your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful tiny seed. Your daddy planted it in the earth and I took care of it every single day. After a while the seed germinated and grew tall with many leaves unti...

My grandpa would always tell me girls have two knees but guys have three

You have your left knee, right knee, and your WEEknee

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl

You have to drop the bomb twice before she finally gets it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man with a 25 inch penis could not get any girl to sleep with him because his penis was too large...

so he decided to go to the most famous doctor in the world to get some help.

The man asked “Doctor, is there anything you can give me to make my penis smaller?” The doctor said “No, but I think a surgeon might be able to help you with your problem.”

So the man decided to go to the mo...

Little Johnny gets caught playing doctor with the neighbour girl.

Dad doesn’t approve thinking Johnny is on track to knock up a young teen in a few years.
“Johnny, you know that girls have teeth down there?
“What, are you lying?”
“Nope, you need to keep clear of that business son”

Years later in high school Johnny starts dating a girl but after s...

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Girls -- Please have a sense of humor!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I w...

How to tell if a girl likes you:

Step 1: They don’t

A woman goes to the doctor's to have a strange mark on her tummy looked at. The doctor said, "Do you by any chance have a boyfriend who attends Wisconsin University?" Confused, the girl asks, "Why do ask?"

The doc chuckles, "I'm not just a doctor, I'm also an amateur detective. It looks like your lover likes to wear a sweater with the initial letter of their university emblazoned on the front. It's mildly abrasive quality has been rubbing on your skin."

"Not bad doc!" she says. "Not bad at all!...

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So a girl comes in late to class...

The teacher asks her “why are you late?”

Girl replies, “I was outside blowing bubbles and lost track of time.”

Another girl comes in late, the teacher asks her: “and why are you late?”

Girl replies, “I was out blowing bubbles.”

Once again, another girl comes into class la...

Girls say we think with our d¡cks...

...so blow our minds!

I like my girls how I like my Covid.

19 and easily spread.

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We should call bisexual girls

More or less bians

I was in a bar the other day, when a girl asked me, “What do you do?” I responded, “I race cars.” Screeching with excitement, she shot back, “Do you win many races!?” I sighed...

“No, the cars are much faster.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My GF told me to name all the girls that I had sex with

I should have stopped when I reached her name

For a long time I was a boy in the body of a girl

But then I was born

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A teenage girl was being intimate with her boyfriend

At her parents house. Her father after being woken by the noises goes upstairs to check it out, and walks in on them.

"Dad!" she exclaimed in a panic "...I'm sorry"

The dad being a dad replies "hi sorry, I'm Dad!"

He then turns to the boyfriend and asks "Are you fucking sorry?"

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MEN'S HELP LINE - Letter of the Month

Hi John,

I really need your advice on a serious problem: I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs: if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes h...

What’s the difference between a plastic bag and a blue haired girl

It takes a plastic bag thousands of years to break down but blue haired girls can have a breakdown in a second

I used to date a girl who was lactose intolerant.

We broke up because she couldn’t stomach my cheesy jokes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I met a 14 year old girl on the internet.

She was clever, funny, flirty, and sexy. I suggested we meet up.


She turned out to be an undercover detective.


How cool is that at her age?!

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Three guys are walking through the woods when they find a lamp. One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie. Delighted, the genie says "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes."

The first guy immediately shouts out "I want a billion pounds." *POOF*, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact 1,000,000,003.50 The second man thinks for a bit, then says "I want to be the richest man alive." *POOF*, he's holding papers showing his net worth is now wel...

‌‌I walke‌‌d i‌‌n fro‌‌m wor‌‌k toda‌‌y an‌‌d m‌‌y wif‌‌e wa‌‌s sittin‌‌g o‌‌n th‌‌e sof‌‌a wit‌‌h m‌‌y girlfriend.

‌‌I said‌‌, “What’‌‌s goin‌‌g on?”

“Yo‌‌u tel‌‌l me?‌‌” replie‌‌d m‌‌y wife.

‌‌I said‌‌, “‌‌I don’‌‌t know‌‌, you’r‌‌e sittin‌‌g o‌‌n th‌‌e sof‌‌a wit‌‌h ‌‌a stranger.”

“‌‌A stranger‌‌, hey?‌‌” shoute‌‌d m‌‌y girlfriend‌‌, “I’‌‌m n‌‌o stranger‌‌, we’v‌‌e bee‌‌n havin‌‌g se‌‌x fo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so, and although his English was far from perfect, the couple got on very well.

One day, though, he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked if he could arrange a divorce for him, "Very quick!"

The lawyer explained that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked these questions: LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"

POLE: "An acre and hal...

How do you get a country girl's attention?

A tractor

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I got drunk and to impress a girl, I swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles.

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

**EDIT: WOW, thanks for all the love on this post. It’s my first post in JOKES where I didn’t get ripped a new butthole for allegedly stealing/reposting. Thanks Reddit!**

Dr. Parker, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, said during class, "Miss Smith, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions."

Miss Smith gasped, blushed deeply, then said freezingly,
Dr. Parker, I do not think that is a proper question to
ask me, you should be asking a boy. And I assure you my
parents will hear of this." With that she sat down, very
red-faced.

Unperturbed, Dr. Parker called on Miss John...

My girl says, “everyone ignores me.”

I say nothing.

A fat girl was wearing a T-Shirt that said "Guess" on it

So I walk up to her and say "385"

Why you taking your girl to Maine this summer?

I'm going to Bangor.

Girls always say boys don't know what pain is

Of course we know what it is, its French bread!

Pretty girls are like fires...

If you don’t give them oxygen, they die.

The girl I like really loves orange soda. Sadly, she's way out of my league.

Is this a Crush, or just a Fanta-sy?

Why do teenage girls hang out groups with an odd number of people?

Because they can't even.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.

She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would...

A man enters a cafetaria and is welcomed by a pretty girl behind the counter. While browsing through the menu, he notices that its last item reads: 'handjob - $15'.

The girl asks: 'Can I help?

'Yes,' says the man, 'the handjob, are you the one giving them?'

The lady winks and says: 'I sure am, handsome!'

The man: 'Could you then wash your hands, I'd like to order a hamburger.'

I opened the fire exit door for a girl to run out with me out of the burning building. I kept it open for her to come.

"I have a boyfriend!"

A group of blonde girls overhear a guy saying that all blondes are dumb

So one of the girls says: "no we're not, we'll prove it!"

The guy: "Ok what's 3 + 2?"

One of the blondes: "7"

After a short silence the rest of the blondes start asking for a second chance.

The guy: "ok you get a second chance, what's 2+4?"

One of the blondes: "6"<...

If I had a dollar for every girl that didn’t find me attractive

...they’d eventually find me attractive.

My girl asked me if I were to have a threesome which of her friends I’d choose.

Apparently I was only supposed to choose one...

I met this girl with a seashell tattooed on her inner thigh

Cool thing about it is, if you put your ear up to it, you can really smell the ocean

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What's the difference between an American and a Muslim teenage girl?

The American teenage girl gets stoned before sex.

A guy asks a girl to go to a dance.

She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.



He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.



H...

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An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day, when the daughter said, "My hands are freezing cold!" The mother replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up."

The daughter did and her hands warmed up.

The next day, the daughter was riding with her boy friend who said, "My hands are freezing cold!"

The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up."

He did and warmed his hands.

The following da...

Does anyone have any suggestions for a name for a one-legged girl?

My wife is really against calling her Eileen.

Hey girl, are you a Java compiler?

Because when I proposed a Date, you said I wasn't your type.

Hey girl, are you an AM4 Motherboard...

Cause I feel some Ryzen in my pants.

Little Johnny comes running into the house and asks, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"

"No," says his mom, "of course not." Little Johnny runs back outside yelling to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

I told this girl that people often tell me I could be Arnold Schwarzenegger's twin.

"I don't think so," she laughed, "You're fat, bald, don't work out, and are much too short!"

"I know.... Danny DeVito."

Why do teenage girls travel in odd-numbered groups?

Because they can’t even.

(Best delivered with sass and an eye roll).

hey girl, are you a graveyard

Because I would die to get inside of you.

A jewish girl in a concentration camp was in love with a germain soldier.

One day, she runs up to him to confess her feelings.

Unfortunately, he shot her down.

Damn girl, are you Athlete’s Foot?

Because I just caught you in the shower with a bunch of other dudes

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Back in high school I made friends with this girl that had lost her legs. I never understood why people didn't talk to her. Since I was a close friend, she had invited me to a party with other girls without legs.

That place was crawling with pussy.

I met a girl at a party and she said, “Come outside and I’ll show you a good time.."

So we went outside and she ran 100 metres in 9.79 seconds.

What do one legged girls sing?

*All we need is somebody to lean on*

He‌‌y girl‌‌, ar‌‌e yo‌‌u ‌‌a broke‌‌n compass?

Becaus‌‌e I’‌‌m no‌‌t reall‌‌y sur‌‌e wher‌‌e I’‌‌m goin‌‌g wit‌‌h this.

I prevented two girls from being abducted today.

My van wouldn't start.

Girl if you were a booger

I would pick you first

a Country Boy visited the City and met a girl in a Bar who invited him back to her house,

When they got there, she undressed and told him to get naked too.

She said: "Let's start with a 69"

The Country Boy replied: "What's that?"

With that she got him into position, and they went at it

Within a minute of starting, the City Girl felt a fart coming on

S...

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A guy was waiting at the bus stop for the bus, when a beautifull girl shows up...

She has the most beautiful tits that the has ever seen, and immediatly he goes crazy...

After 5 minutes looking at her, he can't resist and go talk to her:

\- I am really sorry... But i am in love with your beautiful breasts... If i give you $200,000 would you let me bite your boobs?...

‌‌I wa‌‌s walkin‌‌g wit‌‌h m‌‌y girlfrien‌‌d whe‌‌n ‌‌a rando‌‌m gu‌‌y whistle‌‌d a‌‌t he‌‌r an‌‌d sai‌‌d, "Nic‌‌e ass"‌‌. Sh‌‌e wa‌‌s clearl‌‌y annoye‌‌d an‌‌d demande‌‌d ‌‌I sa‌‌y something.

S‌‌o ‌‌I turne‌‌d aroun‌‌d an‌‌d said, "Than‌‌k yo‌‌u I'v‌‌e bee‌‌n doin‌‌g squats."

My friend tries to impress girls by drawing realistic pictures of the Ford F-150.

He is a pick up artist.

I have this crush on a girl at work, so I got her address

She seemed a little creeped out when she saw it was a wedding dress though.

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If there's a girl sitting in front of you with her ass crack showing and you drop Tic Tacs down there, what you call it?

Her-ass-mint

I was watching an all girls volleyball game on tv today. 10 minutes in and there was a wrist injury...

Don’t worry, I should be fine by tomorrow.

Damn girl are you a cop?

Cause I want you to sit on my face

I recently asked my neighbors little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President someday.

Both of her parents, Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?' She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.' Her parents beamed.

'Wow...what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'But you don't have to wait ...

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There once was this guy who was going on a date to the movies with a beautiful girl.

-Edit my dad told me this joke and I just got some of the parts I remembered but I’m pretty sure this is all it

Before he went, he made the mistake of eating a jumbo can of beans. Right after he picked her up, he felt the need to fart, but he figured he could wait until they got to the movies...

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Today I asked a girl at the gym what her new year's resolution was

She said: To stop seeing the same joke over and over in r/jokes.

Oh, and also fuck you.

A teenage girl gives birth to twins and puts them up for adoption...

She never hears from them again except for the news that one baby was adopted by a Mexican couple, and the other was adopted by a couple from the Middle East.

Years later she hires a private investigator to track down her two adopted children, just so she can find out how their lives have bee...

I'm seeing this girl and she redecorated her bedroom and I really don't like the new look.

Should I tell her?

It's kind of an awkward conversation starter from someone she has never met.

My friend met a girl named simile

He didn't know why he metaphor

If you like both girls and boys but can't find a mate

You'll just be bi-yourself

Girl: You’re like a hypobromite ion to me.

Me: A what?

Girl: A BrO−

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If girls with big boobs work at Hooters, where do girls with one leg work at?

IHop

A little girl, around 10 years old, walks into a bakery

The baker's wife, taking care of the sales at the till, can't help but notice her deformed face, her palate cleft and her whole distorted body, forcing her to use crutches to move around. The wife, thinking what a poor life she must have had, asks kindly what she could do to help the lil girl :
...

Damn girl, is your name Christianity?

Cause I wanna spread you. Whatever means necessary.

I told my roommate he should date girls that sunburn easily...

He might find them more a peeling

Three girls die and go to heaven...

They are greeted by st. Peter at the pearly gates. He welcomes them and then says "But be careful, there are lots of ducks in heaven. If you step on any you will be punished". The girls go in and the first one steps on a duck right away and the ugliest man in existence gets chained to her for eterni...

I don't get why the girl on the Take On Me music video wanted to help that guy out

He seemed kinda sketchy

My father looked me in the eyes and sagely advised, “ Son, find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.”

“She knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them.”

How do you tickle a rich girl?

'Gucci, Gucci, Gucci!'

Started smoking for this girl who told me she was into people with cancer

Turns out she was talking about zodiacs. Anyway I've got three months to live.

It’s hard to sleep at night, some girl I met kept pounding on my door.

But there’s no way I’m letting her out.

A young country girl (Mary) was walking down through the village with a large bull

Mr Jones stops her and says : Young Mary, where are you taking that beast?
Im taking him to farmer Giles so that the bull can mate with his cows. She replied
Can't your father do that? Asks mr Jones
No sir, says Mary, It must be the bull that does it.

Girl: I am catholic

Me (trying to impress her): I am into cats too

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had so much fun yesterday, I fucked this girl cross eyed

I mean she was cross eyed before we had sex anyway but still.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two guys and a girl become shipwrecked on a deserted island...

..but fortunately there is plenty of food and fresh water. Over the next few months, they build a little community: all three craft little huts out of sticks and leaves, and they fairly split up all the tasks and chores essential to their survival. They even build a little church where they go to pr...

A little girl ask to her mom: "mom, why am I named Rosa?"

And her mom said: "because when you were born a rose fell on you head"

Her sister Daisy heatrs this and ask: "why is my name Daisy?"

And her mom said: because when you were born a daisy fell in your head"

When their brother Brick heard this, he ask: "GHTAKNDIALFJKQODK"

Read an article where a girl plans on marrying a tree.

That's so crazy but what if he leaves you.

This little girl asked her Dad:

Daaad! Why am I called Rose?

Because, my dear, a little after you were born, a rose fell on your head, and so we called you Rose.

Then his son Cinderblock asked him the same question:

AAAAGEHHHHRREBAJSIAMAAA EEEEEETHHHHH

I went to school with a girl called Non-Stick Cooking Spray

We tried calling her Pam. But it didn't stick.

I'm sorry I'll show myself out.

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A man walks into a brothel...

Which is well known for its good looking ladies and good food.
He walks up to the desk and slams £1000 on the counter "I'd like the toughest most over cooked steak you do and the ugliest girl you have for one hour. But she needs to tell me she has a headache and to do it myself" The madame looks ...

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So Land O’Lakes got rid of the Native American on their package...

...But kept the land. Sounds oddly familiar.

Why did the guy with a lisp hit on the girl with the flu?

Because she was thicc

Damn girl, are you a tumour?

Cause you’re sitting on the wrong organ.

A sweet and innocent young Italian girl gets married, but the girl’s mother lives downstairs.

The girl has never made love to a man before, and on their wedding night, when he takes off his shirt, she goes running downstairs.

“Momma, Momma,” she cries. “I can’t believe it! He has hair all over his chest! What should I do?”

The mother is making spaghetti sauce. She stirs the sau...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The girl finally got her money for her sex toy video.

One could call it a ‘vibe check’

Always compliment a girl

"Wow you're a fast runner. You almost got away."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It would be so nice if Pinocchio was a girl with boobs.

Wooden tit?

2 girls were discussing their names.

Naomi: Mine backward is "I moan!" Can you believe that?

Lana: Shut up...

Why do short girls roll their eyes when someone makes fun of them?

They don't. That's just them trying to look up to see who's talking about them.

Five years ago, I asked the girl I love out for dinner.

Today, I asked her to marry me.

Shame she said no both times...

A german guy was peeing on a wall in public. A girl passed by.

Girl: Gross

German guy: Thanks!

Girls who talks about girls' problems are great.

But girls who talk about environmental problems are Greta.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

2 Girls, 1 Cup isn't for everyone.

But some people eat that shit up.

I used to date a cross-eyed girl

But then I found out she was seeing someone on the side

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little girl goes to her very busy father to ask various questions

“Papa, Papa!” she calls out to him, “I hate my dance lessons, can I not go today?”

“Quit it. Can’t you tell I’m in a meeting right now? Go talk to your mother,” her father tells her and shoos her from the room.

A little while later the girl returns and says, “Papa, Papa! I found a disc...

Hey girl, are you a restaurant?

Because I want to fill up to 25% of your normal occupancy.

Never talk to a girl about pregnancy, periods or 'women problems'

She'll ovary act

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy runs into his ex-girlfriend at a bar.

“I had sex with another woman last night,” he tells her. “But I was thinking of you the whole time.”

 “You miss me that much?” she asks.

 “No,” he says. “But it kept me from cumming too fast.

A girl who caught me looking at her very toned legs in jeans.

Her: "Whatcha looking at?"

Me: Sorry your legs look great in those
jeans.

Her: You should see me without them.

ME: Why would you take off your legs?

A girl promises to teach her boyfriend what 69ing is.

He lies down on the floor and she squats down over his face to assume the position and farts. Embarrassed she stands up and apologises. She squats down for another go but farts again, she gets up and apologises again.

Before she can have a third go, her boyfriend gets up and goes to walk out ...

Pregnant wife: What should we call it if it’s a girl?

**me:** Herbert

**pregnant wife:** but what if it’s a b-

**me:** Himbert

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Took a girl home after clubbing last night.

After a few drinks, we went up stairs and while we were taking our clothes off a voice came from the bed and said " i hope thats not that fat one from last week" the girl said "what the fuck was that" ? i said its that bastard memory foam matress.

A girl said, "I hate your face"

I said, "So sit on something else."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two girls are speaking and one tearfully confesses:

\- Oh, Jane, I've a problem: I've never been eaten because my pussy smells a lot like onion.

\- I think you're in luck: I have a friend, Tony, who can't smell absolutely anything. And seeing how beautiful you are, I'm sure you will get along well.

The girl calls the boy, they meet to g...

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