Sorry, my 4y old brother wanted me to tell this joke here

Him: Knock, knock

Me: Who's there?

Him: Idiot

Me: Idiot who?

Him: IDIOT YOU!!

He probably doesn't understand downvotes so I will have no Karma left after this

EDIT: Wow! So many people upvoted this and I even got Silver! I'll tell my brother the Internet lov...

what do you call 2 brothers from alabama

super smash bros



(i thought of this joke last week, i know its not that good, but at least i didnt steal it)

My brother hasn't stopped staring through the window since the storm started

I suppose I should let him in

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two brothers are in their room one morning.

The older brother says, "Billy, I'm 9 and you're 6. We're practically men. So today when we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say hell and you're gonna say ass."

Billy nods his head in excitement and they go downstairs. The boys sit at the table and their mom greets them.

"Good ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

From my 13 year old brother: I had to pause my game today to take a massive poop...

It was the Call of Doodie.

I got a PS5 for my brother.

Best trade ever.

All the comic books I inherited from my older brother had their last pages missing.

I had to draw my own conclusions.

I told my brother not to stand too close to the trees in our backyard.

I don't know why, but they seem shady.

My mother asked me to hand out invitations for my brothers surprise birthday party.

That's when I realised he was the favourite twin.

I was named after my older brother...

And before my younger brother.

My brother said he can't date someone without feet.

I guess he is lack-toes-intolerant.

I never wanted to believe my brother was stealing from his job as a road worker

but when I got home, all the signs were there.

3 brothers.

Once upon a time, there were 3 brothers named Somebody, Nobody and Crazy. One day, Somebody killed Nobody, and Crazy run to the police station and told to the police that "Somebody killed Nobody" and the police asked "Are you crazy?" Crazy answered "Yes I'm Crazy" and he got kicked out"

My brother, my sister, and myself pooled our money together

We treated our dad with this fish therapy where little fish nibble on the dead skin until it is gone.

It was money well spent, because it was much cheaper than a regular funeral.

One day a little boy became so jealous of his baby brother that he applied poison on the nipples of his mother while she was sleeping.

Next day the milkman died.

Because it's my Cake Day, I'll tell you a cake joke my little brother (10) told me

It's a Dutch joke but I'll try to explain

So I had made a cake recently, and it just stood there on the table. So my little brother comes up to me and says; 'Kijk daar!' (Look over there) while pointing at the cake. So when I looked at it he says; 'haha je keek' (haha you looked)


<...

I have a half brother.

From mother or father?
No, chainsaws.

For my first cake day, I would like to share a truly terrible joke I heard from my brother

On the day my friend discovered my reddit account he couldn't believe his eyes. How had I got so much karma? He didn't think it possible. Naturally, for days on end he asked and begged to know. I didn't want the magician to reveal his secrets, so for a while I simply didn't tell him. I thought he wo...

What is something with 8 eyes, 8 legs, and 8 hands?

8 pirates

My little brother told me this joke and I am so proud of him.

Edit: Look, I don't want to be one of those redditors who say 'thank's for the gold kind stranger' every time they get awarded, but after seeing this post rise I get it why they do that. For me, whose posts never g...

my brother just came out of the closet

I still don’t understand how he untied himself?

One from my little brother

My little brother and I were playing on the Xbox the other day and our game was really slow so he said, “why don’t we get it some shoes so it can run faster.”

Sorry

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Brother’s acting all high and mighty now that he has COVID

Thinks his shit don’t stink

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Heard this from my brother....

Back story: We are both firefighters and brother is EMT.

Me: “Ah shoot, I hit my elbow, gosh it hurts.”

Brother: “I have some Tryactin in my truck.”

Me: “Do you think it will help?”

Brother: “Let’s see, (pauses)....”

Me: “Well...?”

Brother: “Try actin’ like ...

One day I convinced my brother to swallow a torch

It was worth it just to see his little face light up

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My brother called my hat gay

Well yeah, it spends almost all day on top of a guy

I finally got the courage to tell my brother to stop sitting on my chest to wake me up.

It was a big weight off my chest.

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My brother-in-law and I were fishing

Not having any luck when he told me to row faster. I rowed and rowed when all of a sudden both oars snapped right in half.

Stranded my brother-in-law said, "What now dipshit?"

"Don't worry. Somebody is going to come by." I answered.

Just then around a corner came an Englishman ...

Did you know Bruce Lee has a vegan brother?

Broco Lee

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My brother didn't cope well with going to jail.

He refused to eat or drink anything. He swore at everyone and covered his room with his own poop.

After that, we never played Monopoly again.

My father was a conjoined twin. We called his brother my uncle on my father's side.

But since the operation, now he's my uncle once removed.

My brother had to take something hot out of the oven, so he used mittens

Unfortunately, Mittens was our cat

My brother and I were fighting over a Mobius strip.

I said there's no reason to argue about this, we're both on the same side.

I hear that Legolas from the Lord of the Rings had an older brother, but he died before Legolas was born.

His name was Legofirst.

Two Arkansas brothers decide they are going to do their patriotic duty and enlist in the military.

The first recruiter's office they come to is an Air Force recruiter. The two walk inside, and are greeted by the recruiter, " Gentleman, what can I do for you today? He asks.


One of the brothers speaks up. " My name is Darryl, and this is my brother Billy Ray. We would like to join up Sir...

Who is 6ix9ine's half brother?

3hree4our.5ive

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This is literally what my non-religious brother said to my Astronaut colleague.

Colleague :Hey Abraham, you are a Jew right?

Abraham : Well, not exactly. I'm Jew-ish.

My brother is illiterate

It was his 16th birthday party this past weekend, and boy was it awkward. He just couldn't read the room.

So my brother got an exorcism

Went fine until he fell arrears on the payments and got repossessed

Me and my brother have quite the connection together

We're siamese twins



Note: I am actually not a siamese twin

A tree fell on my brother today, completely crushing his left side.

He’s all right.

My brother is a big believer in Flat Earth Theory

but he is starting to come around.

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A man goes into his doctors after being assaulted by an elephant in the jungle.

As the man explains what happened in the jungle the doctor is confused.
"Well, I can't see any injuries on you, so what happened?"

The man responds
"Well you see Doc, the elephant knocked me down and.... Had his way with me.. I know it's bad but can you have a look for me?"

The d...

I am in the hospital because my cousin’s brother swallowed a 16gb memory card and he is singing all songs in it

Were hoping it doesn't reach video folder...

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My brother just updated his status to "I love my girlfriend <3".

I always knew he liked them young, but that is fucking ridiculous..

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My older brother regularly has sex with tramps

I think he may be a hobo-sexual

My brother told me this yesterday: "I take a BMW back from school everyday"

"Huh?"

"Well, first I take the **bus** , then I take the **MRT** and finally I walk"

^(Not sure if y'all find this funny just wanted to share :>)

My brother works in the garage door business

I asked him how it is. He said it has its ups and downs.

He's really happy for the job, though. The opportunity was really an open door for him.

Apparently they've made him into their main salesperson, since he really knows how to close the deal.

I hope you found these puns to b...

My step-sister walked into my room one day and she says, "Hey, big brother... take off my shirt."

So I took off her shirt.

Then she says, "Take off my skirt..."

So I took off her skirt.

Then she says, "Take off my bra and panties..."

So I took off her bra and panties.

Then she says, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, I'm telling mom and dad!"

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Three muscular brothers are sitting at a table in a bar

A drunk old man is sitting at the bar counter and drinking beer.

After he finishes his drink, he approaches the youngest brother and says,

"I fucked ya mum"

The young brother is disgusted at the old man's words, but silently looks at the floor as the old man heads back to the co...

Conversation with my 12 year old brother

Me: Why did the dog quit his job? Things were getting ruff


12:


Me: He just needed some whine


12: And a bone

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My brother-in-law told me this one. Get a chuckle from it every now and then.

"What do you call nuts on a wall?"
"I don't know?"
"Walnuts! What do you call nuts on your chest?"
"I don't know?"
"Chestnuts! Now what do you call nuts on your chin?"
"Uhh...chinnuts?"
"Nah, you can call 'em shit 'cause you got dick in ya mouth!"

Guys i just bought a 256GB iPhone 11, my brother dropped it and the screen shattered. Anyways I'm doing a giveaway!

The kid is 6 years old, cute, thin and not really tall.

My Devil worshipping brother just got a new row boat...

He christened it Sail Hatin'

So my brother told me this joke. He said it is a nerd joke

What’s red and bad for your teeth?
A brick!
What’s blue and bad for your teeth?
The same brick moving really really fast.

My mom got upset at me for mercy killing my brother when we were playing Call of Duty

I don’t understand

He didn’t even struggle when I pressed the pillow over his face

A cowboy, who just moved to Montana from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.

He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy,

"You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it.

It would taste better if you bought o...

I finally hooked up with the girl who said, “You’re like a brother to me”.

I said, “Well, if you incest”.

My brother died from standing on an old land mine.

At least he went out with a bang.

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Tommy was 4 when his little brother was born. Tommy was pissed.

His life was suddenly turned upside down. Everyone was too busy doting on little Timmy to notice him anymore, everyone was like "Timmy this, Timmy that, Timmy's the best kid ever". Even his parents seemed to have forgotten about him. Tommy began to go deep into depression, but nobody seemed to care,...

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Three Brothers

Three brothers all decide to get married on the same day. Following the ceremony they're in the bar discussing how many times each is going to have sex with their new wives that evening and they soon set a wager. The following morning around the breakfast table, obviously unable to discuss the wager...

Eric the Red's brother, Rudolf, was home gazing out his window.

He says to his wife: Looks bad out there. Looks like rain."

Rudolf's wife responds: "Are you sure dear?"

Rudolf answers back: "Trust me. Rudolf the Red knows rain dear."

My brothers always out clubbing, my parents are really worried about his health.

He's always had one foot in the rave.

After all these years I was finally able to hang my brother

s stocking on the mantle! Happy Holidays!

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Little Johnnys mother recently gave birth to his brother little jimmy

Now little johny is jealous of all the attention and the gifts that his new brother little Jimmy is getting from his parents and neighbors. Evil little johny decides to poison him

One night when his mother was sleeping, little johny took some poison and applied it to her breasts and lips so t...

A brother cell and sister cell are walking down the street...

The sister cell accidentally steps on the brothers toe.

The brother cell says:
"Ouch! you stepped on Mitosis!"

A Irishman is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a Preacher baptizing people in the river.

He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the Preacher...

The Preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk,

'Are you ready to find Jesus?'

The drunk shouts, ' Hicc..yes, I am.'

So the Preacher grabs...

An Irish dad calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing.”

“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams.

“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says. “We’re sick of each other and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”

The son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “...

I found out today that I have an identical twin brother. I got very emotional when we finally met.

I was beside myself.

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

A few days after the election the president-elect calls her father and says,

'So, Daddy, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?'

'I don't think so. It's a 16 hour driv...

A joke from my brother:

A boy was playing Rocket League and was partnered with a player called Osama_king2014. The partner was not very good at the game. He was so bad, he caused the boy to leave in frustration.
The boy’s younger brother, who was watching, the said: Y’know, for a guy named Osama, he’s not very good at s...

Does R2-D2 have any brothers?

No, only Transistors.

The Goldberg Brothers - Are well known as the Inventors of the automobile Air Conditioner.

Here's a little known fact for automotive buffs, or just to dazzle your friends. The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Maxwell, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946 , the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees. 

The four brothers walked...

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Three vampire brothers decide to hold a competition to see which one of them is the most powerful

The first brother is the strongest.

"Watch this," he says, and takes off at nearly 100 miles per hour. Two minutes later, he returns, his mouth covered in blood.

"What happened?!" his brothers exclaimed.

"You see that mansion over there?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, I went over...

Jack Schitt, Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says "you don't know Jack Schitt". Now, You can handle the situation. Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Knee-deep Schitt, Inc.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, The twins; Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt and Bull Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married for 15 years Jack and Noe divorced. Noe later married Mr. Sherlock a...

Did Schrodinger have an open-casket funeral?

You know, just to be sure?

\[Credit to my brother\]

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Two brothers are in their room at night formulating a plan.

"I think we're old enough to start cussing," the older brother says. "Tomorrow morning, I'm going to say 'hell' and you're going to say 'ass', ok?" His younger brother agrees to the plan.

The boys go downstairs in the morning and their mom asks them what they would like for breakfast.
...

A man asked his brother to name his soon to be born twins.

The brother said that he would be honoured to do so.

When the twins came, the man asked his brother which names he had chosen.

“I chose Denise for the girl.” The brother said.

“That’s a nice name. What did you call the boy?” The man replied

“I named him De-nephew” The br...

This one was made by my 8 Year Old brother: How did the fish cross the road?

It wore flip FLOPS!

A knight’s brother was slain in battle by monster

Knight: I will avenge the death of my brother!

Hunter: You have my bow!

Warrior: And my axe!

Mage: And my staff!

Necromancer: And your dead brother!

I got yelled at this morning by my mother for tickling my younger brother's foot...

Something about at least waiting till he's born.

Three brothers aged 92, 94, and 96, live in a house together.

One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts his foot in and pauses. He yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, I'll come up and see." He starts up the stairs and pauses, then he yells, "Was I going up the stairs or coming down?...

"I got everything I ever wanted for Christmas, and Santa brought you nothing!!" said little Sam to his elder brother.

"But at least I do not have Leukemia"

My brother Joe started the Dolly Parton diet.

It really made Joe lean Joe lean Joe lean Joe lean

A pair of Estranged brothers.

There once were two brothers born to a somewhat well off family. The younger one was exemplary. He always excelled in his classes, went to the best university in the country, and became a renowned lawyer. The older one was pretty average. He was the middle of his class, went to a local community col...

I just told my crush that I'm in love with her. She said that she sees me as her brother...

I'm just lucky she is from Alabama.

Oh brother!

A woman is in an accident while she's pregnant. While in a comma she has twins (a boy & a girl). When she woke up she asked the doctor were her baby was.

The doctor said she had twins but her brother named them.

She replied,"My brother is an idiot I wonder what names he gave them....

Did you know there were two brothers who almost made a working airplane a few years before the Wright brothers

Guess they were the wrong brothers

What did the stepsister say to her brother who suddenly dove into a pool?

Water you doing step bro?

I tickled my brother the other day and got into trouble for it

My mom said that he has to be born before i can do that

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My asshole twin brother just called me from prison.

He said: "Gil... remember how we used to finish each other's sentences?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Indian student in USA(NSFW)

It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said: "Let's begin by reviewing some American History.

Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces except for Ch...

My brother's been fasting for over 9 days now. Says he wants to get closer to God.

If he keeps this up he's gonna be shaking hands with him soon.

Turns out my brother-in-law has some kind of psychosis

Turns out I'm married to her.

When my little brother was born, he was named Ugliest Baby In The Hospital

I don't know why my parents would name him that. We call him Ubith for short.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One evening, Little Johnny, his brother Little Jimmy, and their dad, sat down to eat supper.

One evening, Little Johnny, his brother Little Jimmy, and their dad, sat down to eat supper. The dad turned to Little Jimmy and asked, "Little Jimmy, what would you like to eat first?" To this Little Jimmy replied, "I want some of them fuckin' peas." In a flash, dad slapped the shit out Little Ji...

Me: *slapping my older brother in the face with his own hand*

Me: stop hitting yourself haha, why do you keep hitting yourself

Sister-in-law: ~crying~ is this why you wanted an open casket

If the love between men is referred to as "brotherly love," what do you call the love between women?

Scissorly love

A little boy was jealous that his new born brother was getting all the attention of his family now so he decided to put poison on his mom's nipples.

Two days later, the mailman, a neighbor and the pizza delivery guy were found dead.

My brother went outside and was blown away by what he found

I told him not to go out in the storm!

Did you know Juan the horse has a brother named jamal?

Nothing really special, they're identical twins.

If you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal

My brother asked me where I’m going to graduate.

At the living room or the kitchen?

A pregnant woman goes into a coma

When she wakes up months she is no longer pregnant, and an excited nurse told her that she had a beautiful pair of twins, a boy and a girl.

"Since you were in a coma your brother named them" the nurse said, "The girl is Denise"

The mother was happy, she liked the name Denise. "What d...

R.I.P. dad

My dad passed away yesterday (this is true). He was 87 and had a good innings. We've done the bulk of our grieving and all is good. My brother sent me this message this morning:

"I reckon dad has already told Eddie Van Halen to turn the volume down."

___________________

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A poor family lives on a farm and they rely on their chickens for income.

One morning, the father walks outside to find the chicken coop empty and the corpses of chickens on the ground.

"There’s nothing that could help get us out of poverty now," says the dad as he shoots himself.

The mom walks outside and sees the dad and the chickens on the ground.

...

Two identical twin brothers, George and Ted, turned 100. George's hearing was just as good as ever, but Ted was slightly deaf.

An attractive female photographer came to the retirement home to take the brothers' picture. "I'm going to take your picture," she said.

"What did she say?" asked Ted. "She says she's going to take our picture," replied George. So George and Ted followed the photographer to a room.

Ins...

My brother who has a stutter is in prison.

It’s just heartbreaking knowing he will never finish his sentence.

What do you do when your crush says 'You are like a brother to me.'?

Play Sweet Home Alabama.

Yoda has a brother called Will...

But he keeps introducing himself as William, and nobody knows why.

So there are these three elderly brothers,

They’ve invited one of their grandchildren over for the night. The oldest of the brothers is upstairs getting ready to take a bath. Just as he steps in he stops and thinks for a moment ten shouts downstairs to the other two brother: “Was I getting in the bath or getting out?”
“What’d he say?” S...

A blond lady gets 3 fishes for her birthday from her brother...

Her brother finds them dead the day later.he asks her :

"Have you fed them?"

She replies:


"Yes! I even followed the rule of not letting them go swimming for 20 minutes after eating!"

My brother just ran into the kitchen and stepped on all our Cheerios!

He’s a cereal killer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two young boys walked into a drug store, picked out a box of tampons, and proceeded to the checkout counter

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight" the boy replied.
The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"
The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him... He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What has eight legs, a horse's head and makes hissing noises as it moves?

Seriously... What is that thing? It suddenly appeared in the basement a week ago. Should I be concerned? Would have asked my brother for help but haven't seen him in seven days.

What did the cow call his best friend?

Brother from an udder mother

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My brother brought home his Japanese girlfriend.

He must have had a ton of visitors that night, because his girlfriend wouldn’t stop saying hi.

My brother is a Karate expert, a Chef and a Lawyer.

When he's not around, Dad now calls him "Chop Suey."

I've met my plastic surgeon brother in law FOUR times!

And every time he forgets my name! He's so bad with faces!

How can you tell Odin's sons apart?

Thor has long, golden, amazing hair.


His brother is Balder.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Jamaican brothers are getting ready to attend their friend’s annual costume party. “Dante, we need to do better this year, we got to do better this year. We got to think of something extra special to wear!”

So Lamont and Dante take 3 hours coming up with the perfect costume to blow away the guests at the party. They’re determined to beat the annoying couple who took home last year’s prize as Tom and Jerry.

A while later, they arrive at Bob’s house, whose jaw hits the ground when he opens the fro...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Iris‌‌h daughte‌‌r ha‌‌d no‌‌t bee‌‌n hom‌‌e fo‌‌r ove‌‌r ‌‌5 years‌‌. Upo‌‌n he‌‌r retur‌‌n he‌‌r Fathe‌‌r curse‌‌d he‌‌r heavily‌‌.

"Wher‌‌e hav‌‌e y‌‌e bee‌‌n al‌‌l thi‌‌s time‌‌, child‌‌? Wh‌‌y di‌‌d y‌‌e no‌‌t writ‌‌e t‌‌o us‌‌, no‌‌t eve‌‌n ‌‌a line‌‌? Wh‌‌y didn'‌‌t y‌‌e call‌‌? Ca‌‌n y‌‌e no‌‌t understan‌‌d wha‌‌t y‌‌e pu‌‌t ye‌‌r ol‌‌d Mothe‌‌r through?‌‌"
‌‌
Th‌‌e girl‌‌, crying‌‌, replied‌‌, "Dad..‌‌. ‌‌I beca...

An Irishman walks into a bar and orders 3 beers

The bartender doesn’t say anything and gives him his three beers,the man drinks all three and leaves

This goes on for a couple weeks and eventually the bartender gets curious enough to ask.

He says “Why do always buy three beers at once ?”

The man says to the bartender “ Back in...

Joke my little brother made up

What is a dead man's favorite food? Biscuits and gravy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Indian and two Pakistanis sat on a plane.

An Indian got a seat between two Pakistanis on a plane. Relaxing, he took his shoes off.

Soon enough, he got hungry.

"Hey, I'm going to get myself a snack. You guys want anything?" He asked the Pakistanis.

The man to his right said he would like a Coke.

"Of course." said ...

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