UPJOKE
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My Stepfather Used to Tell This Joke to Everyone

*What did the farmer say to the cows at night? "It's past your bedtime."*

He told this joke to anyone he talked to, from family to people at the doctor's office. I felt the joke was old the second time I heard it. So, I started working on a response.

Christmas djnner rolls around. We ...

a stepfather walks in on his stepdaughter

a stepfather walks into his stepdaughter's room, as he walks in he sees his stepdaughter pleasuring herself with a cucumber, in disgust he leaves her room as fast as possible

he then says,"dammit I was gonna eat that!..................
now it will taste like cucumber"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I did my Jamaican stepfather proud by making a successful career in pornography

He always said I would amount to nuttin'...

What are stepfathers called in France?

Faux pas.

My Irish stepfather was a master story teller. He told the Wembley joke differently than what I've seen online.

Excuse me, is this Wembley?
No it's Thursday.
So am I let's have one.

He paid particular attention to the beat changes in this story. At the end of each line (the beat) he would change voices. Each line was a different voice/character. He told the story as if it was a fast paced con...

My stepfather, beating me black and blue, was no accident.

Just a terrible faux pa.

This was a favorite of my deceased stepfather...

A housewife is living in the inner-city during a crime wave and is concerned for her safety. She phones her husband, a travelling salesman, and lets her know that she's so scared she wants to purchase a guard dog. The husband agrees that it would be a great idea and she makes plans to go to the pe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was talking to his stepdaughter when the stepdaughter asked...

"What do you call nuts on the wall?"

The stepfather replied "well my dear that would be Walnuts."

The stepdaughter then asks "well what would nuts on your chest be called?"

The stepfather replies "well my dear those would be called chestnuts."

The stepdaughter finally ask...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Anal is a lot like your first car...

You may not want it, but your stepfather is going to give it to you anyways.

True Story

Yesterday would have been my stepfather Tom's 75th birthday. To commemorate the occasion, I give you this story.

Back in 2006, I was prepping to relocate from Nebraska back to Southern California, and this meant lots of phone calls between me and my mother. One Friday evening, I called her up...

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