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A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3.

The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

Principal: What is 3+3?

Boy: 6.

Princip...

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How do you piss off a female archeologist?

Find a used tampon and ask her what period it is from.

The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some weed with her

I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women

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One day I'll pretend to be gay...

I'll make lots of female friends, gain their trust and become their confidant, and when they least expect it......

BAMM!! !! !!

... I'll fuck their boyfriends

Two female parrots

A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing."

“What do they say?" the priest inquired.

“They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'" the woman said embarrassin...

When I professed my love to a female friend she told me she loved me like a brother...

We are from the south so things are going good.

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A recent study has found that beer contains female hormones.

A test group of 100 male volunteers each consumed six pints of beer, and the effect was that they all talked endlessly about nothing and couldn't drive for shit.

My attractive female neighbor is completely paranoid.

She thinks I'm following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is...purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.

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After death, what is the only organ in the female body which remains warm?

My penis

What do you call a female rapper?

38.5 Cent

Question in a medical board exam - Fill the blank - "When a young female faints, you immediately feel her p - - s - "

Those who answered PULSE are successful doctors today.

Why did NASA cancel the all-female spacewalk?

None of them would go outside the rocket wearing the same outfit.

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A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you.

The man replies,"Boobs!”

Do female robots have a...

Computerus?

What do you call a female pop star with big nipples?

Areola Grande.

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(NSFW) No one was too upset about being on a flight with two female pilots, just a little surprised...

None of them had ever seen a plane with three cockpits before.

A man is on a flight at cruising altitude when a female flight attendant comes by with a cart. She looks at him, smiles, and asks, “Would you like some headphones?”

The man responds, “Yes, but how did you know my name was Phones?”

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In a bookshop today, I asked a busy female assistant where the section on clitoral stimulation was.

Despite her best efforts, I couldn't find it.

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A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same...

Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss.

Each day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know if they went home early?

The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a litt...

How much does Male to Female surgery cost?

About a third of your salary.

What’s the difference between a female farmer and Hitler’s girlfriend?

One bales her hay and the other hails her bae

A bakery owner hired a young female shop assistant

A bakery owner hired a young female shop assistant who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant and at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brillia...

Captain Marvel wasn’t the first standalone female superhero...

Iron man was, because he’s “Fe-Male”

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A college professor started to notice that one of his students, Dave, started gaining lots of female attention.

So, one day he asks Dave about his secret. Dave replies: "Well, before sex I simply whip out my willy and smack it against the bedside table, like a hammer. It numbs it up and makes me last longer".

Later that day, the professor gets home to his wife and finds her in the shower - a welcome op...

A woman comes home late in the night and goes quietly in the bedroom.

To her surprise, she sees male and female feet peeking out from under the blanket. Shocked and raging, she gets her baseball bat and beats and beats until all movement stops. After that she goes into the living room and sees her husband laying on the sofa. He turns to her half asleep: "Oh, you're ho...

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What does a female martial artist refer to masturbation as?

Hand to gland combat.

A farmer had 5 female pigs but times were hard and he needed a solution.

A farmer had 5 female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another farmer who owned 5 male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.

The farmers lived 60 miles apart, so they decide...

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Three warriors and a female troll enter the Colosseum.

The first, wielding a sword, attacked the massive lady-beast head on but was quickly dispatched. The 2nd, wielding a flail was picked up and thrown across the arena like a toy. The 3rd warrior knew he could not defeat the troll by conventional means and with that, he charged at the troll as fast as ...

Pickup line for male hamsters to females

Are you from Amsterdam? Cause hamster , damn !!

Herpes had to originate from a female.

Otherwise it would be called, hispes

Why are there so many female Archaeologists??

Cause women love digging up the past.

What do you call a female dinosaur doctor?

A Dinocologist.

How do you tell the difference between a female ant and a boy ant?

If you throw it in water and it sinks, it's a female ant. If you throw it in water and it floats, it's a buoyant.

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What do you get when you mix a turtle and female genitalia?

A clitortise

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A man goes into a pet shop to buy a dog, the owner asks him, "Would you like a male or a female dog?"

"Bitch please."

Q: Is Google male or female?

A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

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A young girl had a female parrot that used to follow her everywhere .

The parrot was even imitating the owner by saying

"I'm beautiful, I' am sexy, and I' love sex "

One day ,a priest came over to bless the house He was shocked to hear the parrot saying "I'm beautifull,I' am sexy and I' love sex "

_Good Lord child !!! I' have 2 parrots at home ...

I just started a pubic hair removal business, and I’m only taking in female customers for the first few months.

I don’t want to go nuts right away.

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What do you call female prostitutes who turn out to have penises.

Trojan whores.

Females stop and think more as they age.

Mental-pause.

Scientists have determined that it's impossible to change a female sheep into a male.

They'll never make a man out of ewe.

When I was young, I always felt like a male trapped in a females body.

Then I was born.

So one time, I had a crush on my female teacher...

But then I remembered I was homeschooled

What do you call an all female workout center?

An OB-GYM

Guy moves to America, just learning English, gets cut off in traffic and yells 'E# Female Sheep'

buddy in the car goes, um, no, it's f u

There is a way of telling if an orange is male or female.

If it squirts you in your eye without warning, it's a male.

If it's bitter for no apparent reason, it's a female.

I walked up to a female member of staff in Tesco today and said, "Do you know where the Weight Watchers meals are?"

"I'm afraid not," she replied, "It's my first day."

"Fair enough," I said, "Let me show you."

What do you call someone who is obsessed with female superheroes?

A heroine addict.

A cornea, a female sheep, a tire and a nerd walk into a haunted house

The cornea bounces in first, making plenty of noise all throughout the house, and leaves terrified and satisfied.

The female sheep prances in next, and terrified bleeting can be heard by all, before she leaves in fear.

The tire rolls in next, making loud, frightened rubbery noises insi...

What should you do after you sleep with a female soldier?

Salute her and say, “thank you for your cervix!”

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A Jew and a Czech while on a trip are attacked by two bears, one male and one female.

The Jew is able to escape; however, the Czech gets eaten by the male bear. Being a good Samaritan the Jew alerts the park ranger that there are two bears on the loose, one of which has eaten his friend. The park ranger then proceeds to kill both of the bears. The Jew asks the park ranger if he can c...

I’m making a documentary on the history of female menstruation...

It’s a period piece.

What do you call 50 female pigs and 50 male deer?

100 sows and bucks.

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I went to my new doctor today and was shocked that she was a young, drop dead gorgeous female...

She noticed immediately that I was flushed and embarrassed. She said “Don’t worry- I’m a professional. Just tell me what’s wrong and I will help you in any way that I can”.

I said “I think my penis tastes funny”.

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What do you call a female rodent with a penis?

A mouse trap.

We should not in any way, shape, or form make fun of female's time of the month

Period.

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Four Types of Female Orgasms (nsfw)

Fred do you know that women have four types of orgasms?
No what are they?
You can tell by the sounds they make.

First is the religious Orgasm Oh God O GOD O GOD!!!
Second is the negative Orgasm oh no OH NO NO NO!!!
Third is the posative Orgasm oh yes OH YES YES YES!!!
Last is ...

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Female body builder:Doc I've taken so much steroids its actually made me grow a penis!

Doctor:Anabolic?

Female body builder:No,just a penis.

What would someone with dyslexia call two female sheep?

You and I.

Chocolate is female

It uses her/she pronouns

Why should you never make love to a female astronaut twice?

You might burn up on re-entry.

What's a scientist's favourite all-female band?

Densities Child.

What's the difference between a male and a female fire sprinkler system?

The male will exhaust the fire, the female will exhaust the water supply

What’s the male ghosts favorite part of a female ghost?

Her boooooobies.

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Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.

The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.

Aware of her charms ...

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There are 3 flies in a jar, one male, two female. One day, one of the female flies decides she wants to get out of the jar. She goes up to the other female fly and says, "Hey, how do you get out of the jar?" The other female fly says, "I don't know, maybe ask him."

So the female fly goes up to the male fly and asks, "Hey, how do you get out of this jar?"

The male fly says, "I can tell you, but you have to fuck me first." And flies....they aren't very smart. So they do it and the male fly tells the female fly, "You start from the bottom of the jar and fl...

What does Google call their female interns?

"Intern-ettes"

Why did the female rock break up with the male rock?

Because he took her for granite

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So my female hot boss came to me..

She said: All you do is work. Dont you like having fun? I replied "Thats why you pay me". She stared at me disappointed. Then she replied: "i have something else in mind. Why dont you come over my house later for dinner? I was shocked. After all im a married man and my wife is a really jealous woman...

What do you call a bookworm who can't get enough of strong female characters?

A heroine addict!

Two female co-workers are chatting it up

...and they are discussing the boyfriends they've had in the last year.

One girl says "The last 3 boyfriends I've had, I've named after soda pops. The first one i called 7up, because he had 7 inches and he knew how to keep it up.

The second one i called mountain dew, because when it c...

I don't like going on the male toilets because men are a lot more open to farting loud there so I sometimes like to sneak into the female toilets and there they are a lot more quiet and discreet about it....

At least when they know I'm there

Why do female vampires have an advantage over male vampires?

Because they get free supply of blood once a month.

What do you call an angry female dog?

**Grrrrl!**

(You thought I was gonna use the "b" word)

People are getting angry about an actor practicing cannibalism on a female actress during the production of an action movie set in ancient Rome.

Personally, I'm gladiator.

What is the female equivalent of "toxic masculinity?"

PMS

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Female parrot thief on the loose

Shes been known to take a cockatoo

Two elderly, female roommates are sitting alone again one night.

One huffs at the other. “Can I be frank with you?” The other says; “Sure, as long as I get to be Frank tomorrow.”

Why do corporations hire female Equality Officers?

Because they’re cheaper.

I'm sick of these undercover cops always trying to bait me with online female personas.

Nice try f/bi.

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If a female ferret doesn't have sex for a year, she will die. By that logic then, if my wife was a ferret...

She'd be a lot sexier.

How do you know the earth is female

Because it's bipolar

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I have the ideal female body, "thicc" ass, huge tits and i am smart too.

Sadly i am a man.

Last night I woke up, startled, to a female’s voice coming from my desktop. “Hello,” it said, “It’s me.”

Upon further inspection,
I realized it was just
a Dell.

At a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other

The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts. As they sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands.

After dinner, one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel bedroom. Just as things get hot, the female doctor interrupts and says she has to go and ...

Someone once told that there’s little difference between the male and female reproductive systems. But in reality...

There’s a vas deferens.

i saw a female scarecrow

And I said hay girl

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A man walks into a library and asks for a book about female orgasm.

The librarian points towards shelf G and says, "That's the spot where you'll find it."

What do you feed a female horse after dark?

Nightmare fuel

What do you call the binding of female chickens?

Hen-tai

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My friend is dating a female comedian

He’s fucking funny