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If Joe Biden’s wife is called the first lady, what do we call his mother?

Joe mama.

A little girl says to her mother: "Mummy, when you were away at work a strange lady came around"...

"Not now," says Mummy. "Wait until Daddy gets home."

So they wait until Daddy gets home, and then Mummy says "Now dear, what were you saying about Daddy and the strange lady?"

And Daddy starts to say something but Mummy says, "You keep quiet - I'll be talking to my attorney in the mo...

After many years of not going to church an elderly lady decides to go to her local service.

Although very poor and with worn-out clothing, she dressed in her best and headed out. As she approached the church, she saw all the people dressed in such splendor. Not a stain, not a rip or tear on any of their clothes. The preacher and deacons stood and welcomed people as they entered.

She...

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A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is

losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that.

About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it i...

A multi-millionaire was riding in his SUV when he saw a lady eating grass

A millionaire was riding in his SUV when he saw a lady eating grass in a pasture near the road. Perturbed, he stopped his car and got out to check on her. "Why are you eating grass?" he asked her.

“I am very poor and do not have any money, so I have to eat grass“ the lady replied.

"...

So a French lady walks into a bar.

She takes off her jacket and sits down at the bar and she’s got the bushiest nest of armpit hair you’ve ever seen. She tries to wave down the bartender.

A drunk at the other end of the bar says, “Bartender! Get the ballerina a drink!” and the bartender looks over at her and asks the drunk, “H...

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an old man walks into a jewelry store with a young blonde lady

The clerk immediately thinks he is being taken advantage of due to the age difference.
She says to the clerk "Show me an expensive ring." The clerk looks over at the old man and he gives a head nod.
The clerk pulls out a ring and tells her "this one is $50,000 dollars." She says its nice but...

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A lady had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter was constantly calling her to get back into the dating world. Finally, she said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, "Mom, I have someone for you to meet!

Well, it was an immediate hit.

They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Spain.

Their first night there, she undressed as he did.

There she stood nude, except for a pair of black panties, he in his birthday suit.

Lo...

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A lady comes home from her doctors appointment grinning from ear to ear

Her husband asks, “Why are you so happy?” The wife says, “The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old.” “Oh yeah?” quipped her husband, “What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?” She said, “Your name never came up in the conversation....

A lady walks into a store and asks where the XL condoms are kept...

A lady walks into a store and asks where the XL condoms are kept.

The manager sends her off to the family planning section.

After ten minutes, the manager takes routine a walk around the store, to check on things. He finds the lady still in the family planning section, humming to herse...

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and an old lady are sharing a train car on a train as it winds its way through the Alps.

Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness.

On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

The old lady thought, “I be...

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A recently widowed Jewish lady named Sarah, was sitting on a beach towel. She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand nearby and began reading a book..

Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello, sir, how are you?"

"Fine, thank you." he responded, and turned back to his book.

"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.

"First time since my wife passed away last year." he replied and again tur...

A lady decided to give herself a big treat for her 70th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice luxurious hotel..

When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00. She demanded to know why the charge was so high "I agree it's a nice hotel, but the rooms aren't worth $250..00 for just an overnight stay - I didn't even have breakfast!"
The clerk told her that $250.00 is the ...

A poor old lady was forced to sell her valuables to avoid eviction.

As she rummaged through her dusty belongings, she came across a dull copper kettle. Intrigued by it’s possible value the old woman dusted it off and BAM! A genie erupted from its neck.

The genie says “I have seen your plights, and will grant you three wishes.”

The woman, astounded, thi...

A LADY lost her handbag..

It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her.

Looking in her purse, she commented, “Hmm, that’s funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 note in it. Now there are 20 $1 coins.”

The boy replied, “That’s right, lady. The last time I found a lady’s purse, she didn’t have any ...

Three old ladies were sitting on a park bench

Suddenly, a man in an overcoat walked up and flashed them.

The first old lady had a stroke.

The second old lady had a stroke.

But the third old lady didn't have a stroke. She couldn't reach.

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An old lady went to the bank.

She said to the Banker. I'd like to open a joint account.

"With who?" asked the banker, She replied.

"Anyone who has lots of money and a big dick"

A cop pulls over an old lady for speeding on a highway. He asks for her driver's license and registration.

When she opens her wallet, he notices a conceal-carry permit.

He asks, “Ma’am, do you have a weapon in your possession at this time?”

She responds "I'll bet you $100 you can't guess the answer to that question" as she slaps a crisp bill on her dashboard.

The cop rubs his chin an...

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An old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with frequent gas.

Fortunately, the farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 10 times since I've been here, and I bet you didn't even notice!" The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back next week." The next week the old lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't k...

Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older.

One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I was taking it out or putting it away."

The second lady said, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs, and I can't remember whether I was on ...

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A Southern lady sits down next to a Yankee businesswoman on a plane. Trying to be friendly, the Southerner asks, "So, where ya'all from?"

The Yankee sniffs in disdain and replies, "Where I'm from, we don't end our sentences in prepositions!"

The lady, a little shocked by the rudeness says, "Aight, where ya'all from, bitch?"

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A lady walks into a fancy jewellery store.

She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right...

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2 Ladies Fishing

Two ladies are out on the same dock fishing. Lady 1 is not catching anything and Lady 2 is catching everytime she casts.

Next day Lady 1 picks the side Lady 2 had the previous day. Same thing happens she has no luck. Lady 2 is still catching fish everytime she casts.

One the third day ...

Tonight is my wedding to this super wealthy lady

I'm so excited thinking about the Sarah money

How do you make Lady Gaga mad?

Poke her face.

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A butler is cleaning one of the guest rooms in a mansion when the lady of the house walks in.

She fixes him with an imperious gaze and cocks one arm on her hip "Charles," she says, "take off my dress."



The butler swallows hard, but he knows his duty. He puts his hands on the buttons of her dress and starts to undo them, one by one. More and more skin is revealed until finally,...

Blonde lady driving down a dirt road…

When she sees another blonde woman in a row boat out in the middle of a cotton field. She slams on her brakes, fuming, and yells out to the lady in the boat “HEY!! IT’S DUMB BLONE BIMBOS LIKE YOU THAT GIVE BLONDES LIKE ME A BAD REPUTATION!! AND IF I COULD SWIM, I’D COME KICK YOUR ASS!!”

A poor old lady...

Today I saw a poor old lady fall down in the grocery store parking lot. At least I think she was poor, she only had $1.35 in her wallet.

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Went to the sperm clinic earlier today. The lady if I''d like to masturbate in the cup....

I said, I'm good but I'm not ready to compete in a tournament yet.

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what happens when you have sex with an old Virgin lady

You get Granberry juice

An old lady used to cross the US-Mexico border every day using a motorcycle...

The guards, especially officer Johnson, knew she was smuggling something. But, no matter what they did, they could never find it.

Dogs wouldn't sniff anything, metal detectors wouldn't bleep, disassembling the motorcycle wouldn't help.

Many years later, on his last day at the job, once...

An old lady had to do a urine test.

However, she wasn’t feeling like going to the lab to hand in the vial with the urine. So she asked her grandson if he could do it for her.
However, her grandson accidentally dropped the vial and spilled his grandmother’s pee all over the ground. Luckily, he was with a friend at the time, who advi...

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A lady dwarf goes to her gynecologist for her annual check up.

"Any issues or concerns?", asks the Dr.

"Well, now that you mention it, I have noticed that when it rains, my labia gets a bit red and sore."

"That's very unusual", says the Doc, "Hop up on table and let me take a look."

She does, and after a few minutes of checking he says she ...

A little old lady gets arrested for stealing a can of peaches from a grocery store.

At the trial, the judge asks her why she stole a can of peaches. She replies, "Your Honor, my husband and I don't have much, and we are very poor. I was simply trying to do something about my hunger."

The judge, feeling sorry for the old lady, asked, "How many peaches were in the can?"
...

A handsome man in a suit approaches a young lady at a bar and asks if he can buy her a drink. "Don’t you have a girlfriend?" she asked. "Guys like you always have girlfriends."

He looked downcast, "No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago."

"Oh I'm sorry to hear that," she said, "OK then, I'll have a white wine please."

One glass of wine led to a second. A few drinks later after a kiss and a cuddle they headed off back to her place and made passionate love...

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An Arabian oil tycoon met this very attractive lady and fell absolutely in love with her. so he proposed to her, claiming he would be able to grant her anything in the world. The lady not wanting to offend him by rejecting him outright, thought of ridiculous requests that are near unfulfillable

For the first request she said she'll only marry him if he buys her a 1000 acre mansion, thinking that there isn't and give up. Surprisingly the tycoon said "Ok, I build I build" and immediately gets his butler to contact a construction company to build it.

Next the lady decided to make her ...

When i was little, we had the best cleaning lady

Because one time, my dad took her upstairs to clean his bedroom. And she must have done a great job because i could hear him applauding her for almost 10 minutes!

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says “Please come help me, I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started.”

Her neighbor asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”

The lady says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s supposed to be a rooster.”

The neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has all the pieces spread al...

Two flat tyres...

I forgot to zip up my trouser.

So a lady told me politely, "Sir, your garage is open".

I gave her a naughty smile as I zipped up and asked, "Did you see my Range Rover parked inside?".

She smiled back and said, "No, just one small Toyota with two flat tyres".

What’s the difference between a lady coming out of a church and a lady coming out of a bath?

A lady coming out of a church has a soul full of hope and a lady coming out of a bath has a hole full of soap.

Lady Mary strolled down the path to where the young gardener was pruning the roses

"Hello, Thomas."

"Good morning, Your Ladyship."

"You know, Thomas, ever since you've come to work for us, I've been afraid that you would force me to kiss you," she said, conversationally.

"Oh, Your Ladyship, how could I do that with a pair of secateurs in one hand and a bag of ...

Old lady gets pulled over by a cop for driving slowly

While thinking she's on perscription medication and needing to do a field sobriety test, he asks to have her get out of the car, and almost jokingly asks if there are any weapons in her vehicle. She tells him "Sure, Sonny, as a matter of fact, I do. I have a Kimber 1911 in the center console, a Gloc...

Did you hear about the lady who went out fishing with a group of men?

She came back with a red snapper.

An old lady goes to the doctor, super irritated.

She UNLOADS on the doctor. "Doctor, my friends are all being awful people! They're all telling me I fart all the time, and it's just plain rude of them!

"Oh really?" The doctor says.

"YEAH! They're ALL silent so I have no idea why they'd point them out. On top of all that, for them t...

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A lady on the bus next to me this morning was sneezing, about every 3 minutes.

Each time she sneezed, her eyes rolled back, she gave a moan and shuddered.
Curiosity got the better of me after about 15 minutes, so I asked her if she was alright. She said, "Yes". Then she explained she had a very rare condition, whereby every time she sneezed, she had an orgasm!
I asked if...

What did the dentist say to the lady when she woke up from the anesthesia?

You have the prettiest teeth I've ever come across!

A Young Lady went to confession.

Young Lady: I think I am pregnant Father.

Priest: How did this happen?

Young Lady: I think it might have been the second coming.

Priest: What makes you think it's the second coming.?

Young Lady: Because I swallowed the first one father.

An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

'Befor...

I went to a Indian restaurant last night. After I had ordered, a little old lady came to me and said, "Aren't you polite. You have such lovely manners."

It was my complimentary nan

A lady decided to treat herself to a nice night at a fancy hotel

She comes into a beautiful and lavish room, and spends a relaxing evening in there. The next morning, she goes to the lobby to pay.

“700 dollars?! That’s ridiculous, no way this place is worth that much!” she exclaimed.

The desk clerk, in a tired voice, explained. “This is a top of the...

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.

As the bartender gives her the drink she says, “I’m on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it’s today…”

The bartender says, “Well, since it’s your birthday, I’ll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.”

As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, “I wou...

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Met a lady in the supermarket.

Lady: Hi there:

Me: Do I know you?

Lady: I think you're the Father of one of my Kids:

Me: Are you the stripper that I made love to on the pool table while all my buddies were watching?

Lady: No I'm your Sons Teacher.

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Joe rented an apartment and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox

While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe.

Joe smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. Poor Joe broke out into a sweat...

An old lady walked into a pet store, found a parrot, and asked the owner if she could buy it...

The owner said, "Heck no! That parrot has a bad mouth! Trust me - you do not want that parrot!"

She said, "I can teach it good manners." 

But, when she got home the parrot said a bad word, so she put it in the freezer for 10 seconds.

She took it out and said, "Did you learn your...

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A lady is standing on the top a ledge over a canyon

She’s about to jump when a homeless guy runs over and says ..

“I know what you’re about to do !”

“How would you like to have sex one last time before you go?”

The lady says, “Typical! You’re just like every other guy…

trying to talk me into having sex instead of jumping o...

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A Dirty Joke from the 14th Century

The joke comes to us from Jean de Conde of Hainaut, born 1275:

A game of truth-telling is being played at court by a Queen and her retinue. A knight is asked by the Queen if he has fathered any children; he is forced to admit that he has not.

The Queen nods in assent, saying "you do no...

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A lady approaches a priest and shyly tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots but, they only know how to say one thing... they keep saying 'Hi, we’re hot... do you want to *fuck us*?'"

"That's terrible!" says the priest. "But, I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two parrots over to my house tomorrow. I will put them with my two male talking parrots... to whom I've taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will then teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible filt...

Old lady on a cruise...

The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said: “Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?”

“Yes...

A Little Old Lady is Pulled Over in Texas

When the Officer approaches the window, he shines a light into the car and sees that she has a little .22 caliber pistol in the coin tray under her dashboard.

The officer says: "Ma'am, would you please unload and hand me your firearm for the duration of this stop to ensure everyone's safety?...

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A women decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday

She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.

’About 32,’ is the reply.’

‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.<...

A businessman was flying on a plane surrounded by hundreds of kids. A lady went and sat down next to him.

"Are these all your kids?", she asked.

The man replied, "No. I work at a condom factory, and these are all the complaints."

Man Gets Arrested For Creeping This Lady Out On A Bus. His Explanation Is Perfect.

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained...

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An old lady shows up to a bank..

An old lady shows up at the Bank of Canada one morning with a bag of money.
The old lady insists on talking to the president of the bank about opening a savings account because, she says, she has a lot of money.
After much discussion, an employee took him to the president's office.
The Pre...

A funeral service is held for a lady who just passed away.

As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall.

They hear a faint moan.

They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.

She lives for 10 more years and then dies.

They have another funeral for her.

At the end of the serv...

A policeman spotted an elderly lady driving while knitting.

"Pullover!" he screamed.

"No, it's a scarf!" she yelled back.

Three old ladies sitting on a bench

Three old ladies are sitting on a bench in a park just chatting the day away...as old ladies tend to do.

Suddenly, a man in a trench coat walks up to them and flashes them with all that god gave him.

Well, the first old lady had a stroke right away.

The second old lady had a str...

Can’t believe what I saw in McDonald’s today.

An old man placed an order for one hamburger , French fries and a drink.

He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half , placing one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries , dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front...

A‌‌n America‌‌n soldier‌‌, servin‌‌g i‌‌n Worl‌‌d Wa‌‌r I‌‌I ha‌‌d jus‌‌t returne‌‌d fro‌‌m severa‌‌l week‌‌s o‌‌f battl‌‌e o‌‌n th‌‌e Germa‌‌n fron‌‌t lines.

Th‌‌e soldie‌‌r ha‌‌d bee‌‌n grante‌‌d res‌‌t an‌‌d relaxatio‌‌n an‌‌d wa‌‌s o‌‌n ‌‌a trai‌‌n tha‌‌t wa‌‌s boun‌‌d fo‌‌r London.

Th‌‌e trai‌‌n wa‌‌s ver‌‌y crowded‌‌, s‌‌o th‌‌e soldie‌‌r walke‌‌d th‌‌e lengt‌‌h o‌‌f th‌‌e trai‌‌n i‌‌n hope‌‌s o‌‌f findin‌‌g a‌‌n empt‌‌y seat.

Th‌‌e on...

I walked into wal-mart. I buy box of soda and ramen cups. The lady at the check-out looks at me and my purchase and goes...

"You must be single"

"Because of what im buying?"

"No, because youre ugly"

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[NSFW!] What's Lady gaga's favourite way to have sex?

Raw raw, raw raw raw!

A lady finds out what a reference said about to her potential employer and is upset by it.

She calls her friend and asks him: "Why did you say I was a racist?!"

The friend is confused and asks "what are you talking about?"

The lady tells him, "You know how I listed you as a reference for that job in publishing? Because I always wanted to work in publishing? Well, not alway...

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An old lady was in bed with her young lover when she suddenly hears her husband pull into the driveway..

"Quick!" she tells her lover. "Hide in this cupboard!"

So saying she pushes the naked guy in the cupboard and hastily puts on her clothes. But the cupboard is a tight fit so the guy's balls are left out hanging between the cupboard doors.

The old husband enters the house and walks into...

An old lady at the bank asked me to check her balance.

So, I pushed her over

Car broke down

A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.

The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the ...

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A married woman comes home early and finds her husband

having ferocious sex with a young attractive woman in their marital bed. She immediately says:

“You bastard, you son of a bitch, I’m calling my lawyer and divorcing you this minute, after all The love and devotion I have given you all these years, this is how you repay me?!!”

The husb...

A couple of old ladies were sitting outside

on a patio and speaking to each other about their grandchildren. "I send gifts, greeting cards and cheques with substantial amount of money to my grandchildren and still they don't visit me" said the first one sadly..

The second old lady said" Oh i too send cheques to my grandchildren and th...

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One morning when Johnny is brushing his teeth, he sees his mother stepping out of the shower to dry herself off. While she is reaching for her towel, he notices that she has hair between her legs.

"Mommy," he says, "why do you have hair between your legs?"

Embarrassed, the mother responds, "Oh, this isn't hair. This is a washcloth. I used it to wash my face in the shower." She is so mortified, she decides to shave off her pubic hair.

A few mornings later when Johnny sees his mot...

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An elderly lady visits her late husband’s grave

An elderly lady visits her late husband’s grave. As she approaches the grave, she takes a cigarette out of her purse, and puts it on the gravestone. She says: “I’ve come to visit you, and brought a cigarette for you!” “I also have your favorite brand of tobacco with me.” She says, as she takes tobac...

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An old lady was walking down the street

She was carrying two large bin bags. A police officer stopped her and told her she had money falling out of one of the bags. He asks if she robbed a bank and she replied "no, You see I live next to the football stadium, and every Saturday in the half time, the men come outside my house and piss in t...

A lady walks into an ice cream shop. "Can I get a chocolate scoop on a cone?" she asks.

"Sorry, ma'am, but we're out of chocolate ice cream," says the man behind the counter.
"Oh, well then can I get a chocolate sundae?" she asks.
"We're out of chocolate," he repeats.
"Well, how about a chocolate milkshake?"
The man is frustrated at this point and decides to teach h...

A lady decides to get a tattoo

A lady who is a huge Elvis fan decides on his birthday to get a tattoo of the King to commemorate his life.

She goes to a well-known tattoo artist in town and asks that he put the ink on the inside of her thigh. The artist draws it out and asked her, “Do you like the design, and is right her...

Shocked that pesky 'Jehovah Witness' lady by answering the door naked..

Not sure whether she was scared that I was naked or I knew where she lived..

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Nurse in a care home walked past one of the bedrooms She sees an elderly lady sucking on her husbands penis.

She came in and said "Mrs Philips, you can't do that."

"Why not?" She asked, "I enjoy doing it."

"Yes." She replied, "but it was meant to be buried with the rest of him."

A guy goes to a $5 lady of the night

A guy goes to a $5 lady of the night and he gets crabs. So the next day, he goes back to complain. And the woman says, "Hey, it was only $5. What did you expect, lobster?"

What do you call the expense of hiring an Irish lady to watch your kids?

Nanny McFee

James Bond walks into a bar

He looks around, and takes a seat neat to a very attractive women.

He gives her a quick glance, then causally looks at his watch for a moment.

The women notices this and asks, "*Is your date running late?*"

"*No*", he replies, "*Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I...

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A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him, so he walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing...

She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole and you’re a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.”

He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached the lady, again with the same request.

She said, “I’m on the 14th, you are a hole...

What is the opposite of lady fingers?

Mentos.

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A couple of Old Ladys are sitting outside of their retirement home, smoking cigarettes

when it suddenly starts to rain, just a light drizzle, nothing too heavy.

The first old lady pulls out her little umbrella and awkwardly holds it up abover her as she puffs away on her cigarette.

The second old lady pulls out a condom, tears a hole at the tip with her teeth and procee...

My brother and I took an Irish lady on a date.

Everything went perfectly until she tried to make us feel insecure about our weight. At the end of the night she said, "I had a great time, tanks."

Today I unfortunately got fired from my job at the bank

An elderly lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so i pushed her over.

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I think you'll like this joke, even though it's a little long

An Elderly Irish lady visits her physician
To ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido.
"What about trying Viagra?" asked the doctor.
"Not a chance" she replied. "He won't even take an aspirin".
"Not a problem," said the doctor. "Give him an Irish Viagra.”
"What on Earth is Iri...

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A young lady falls in love with a wealthy man. NSFW

They soon get married and they are living the life of luxury. Dream homes, exotic cars, and luxurious vacations.

The girl is having a conversation with her father one day and she mentions that she is considering leaving her husband. The father asks why and the girl explains. “He will only ...

A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? ... Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.... Older Woman: Oh, I see. ... Officer: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.

Officer: You don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving. Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and...

I little old lady at the store told me I was a nice looking young man.

I really hope she didn't drive herself there

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How do you make a little old lady yell "fuck"?

Put another little old lady next to her and have her yell BINGO!

rip Grandma, one of your favorites

A 55 year old lady suddenly started learning to swim instead of her usual routine of going to a temple !!!!

Everyone was curious and asked her: "why the change in your interest to swimming now a days?"

The lady, with a look of helplessness replied: "Whenever my son and daughter-in-law quarrel with each other my Daughter-in-law always asks my son : - "If your mom and I fall into water, whom will y...

My new girlfriend works as a bin lady...

Trouble is, I can't remember if I'm supposed to take her out Wednesday or Thursday!!!

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "surely I can't look that old.".

Well . . . you'll love this story..

from a lady called Claire

"My name is Claire..
I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist.

I noticed his degree on the wall, which bore his full name.

Suddenly, I remembered a tall , handsome, dark...

John decided to go golfing in Scotland with his buddy, Keith, so they loaded up John's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard, so they pulled into a nearby farm...

...and asked the attractive lady who answered the door, if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed." she explained. "And I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

...

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This is from a time when men delivered milk to people's houses, and when Old Lady Doris ordered 40 gallons of milk.

Mr. Mike the Milk Man paused at the end of her driveway and scratched his head. What would Old Lady Doris want 40 gallons of milk for? There must be some mistake. So instead of just delivering it to her porch, he knocked on the door.

Old Lady Doris answered in her housecoat.

"Hi Doris,...

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I overheard a lady talking about penis sizes.

She was saying she seen in a magazine it said American Indians had the largest penis size and Mexicans had a penis with the largest diameter.

I walked up and said let me introduce myself. My name is Tonto Rodriguez.

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A guy gets on a Greyhound bus and finds a seat next to an attractive lady.

They say hello and chat a bit, then the lady decides to read for a few hours.
When she finally sets her book down, the man notices the book is titled "True, Unusual, and Medical Facts About Sex".
He says, "That must be quite an interesting book."
"Yes," she says, " it's got some amazing inf...

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There was a little old man who was in very good shape but noticed one morning that he was suntanned over his entire body with the exception of his penis…

So he went to the beach, completely undressed and buried himself in the sand except for his penis.

Just then, two old ladies were strolling along the sand one walking with a cane. Upon seeing this thing sticking out of the sand she began to move it about with her cane, remarking to the other ...

A lady and a parrot

A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home, she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you ...

There was an old lady who was very small

Her name was Reanne but everyone called her Re. After a while Re died of old age and the whole town was dismayed.

Re was so small that her family didn't bury her and instead later her to rest in a flower.

When the town folks came by to pay their respects they were surprised that inste...

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A lady walks into a bar…

She orders a drink and notices a frog in a cage behind the bar. She asks the bartender about it and the bartender says this frog performs oral sex on women. The woman has a few more drinks and her curiosity gets the best of her so she asks the bartender to have the frog go down on her. She gets up o...

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A Blonde woman is walking two dogs, one White and the other Black.

An Old lady walking down the same street notices them and since it's a breed she's never seen before, she's curious and walks up to the woman. "Wow, these dogs are adorable. What kind are they?". The Blonde smiles and goes "Which one, the white one or the black one?".

The old lady is a little...

A calm, respected woman walks into a Pharmacy

As she walks in, she goes right up to the pharmacist, looks him straight into his eyes and said;

"I would like to buy some cyanide,"

The pharmacist asked her:

"why in the world do you need cyanide?"

She said:

"I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacists...

In church I heard an old lady saying a prayer

It was so sweet and sincere that I just had to share with you:-
"Dear Lord,
This has been a tough couple of years.
You have taken my favourite actor Patrick Swayze.
My favourite pop singer Michael Jackson.
My favourite Blues artist BB King.
My favourite actress Elizabeth Taylor....

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A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.

The cop asks the woman, “Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?”

She replies, “Well, there’s a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills t...

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A woman joins a country club and when she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?" No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot…

Finally, one man says, "Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m."

He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.

The woman says this may be a problem and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.

They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay."

She's there at 6:30 am. sharp and beats al...

Haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?

A naked woman jumps into a taxi. The taxi driver stares at her, looking her over from top to bottom. The woman is offended and asks the taxi driver "What's the matter? Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?"

The taxi driver responds: "Oh, it's not the fact that you're naked that bothe...

A lady gives her maid notice, so the maid decides to speak her mind 'You need to know, I am a better cook, cleaner, more attractive and better in bed than you' The lady is outraged and screams 'How dare you insinuate my husband says such things!'

'I didn't' says the maid 'The gardener does'

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