UPJOKE
sisterfamilyparentsibcousinauntbrothertwintripletrelativespouseoffspringconsanguinitygrandchildgrandparent

There were 3 siblings...

The first kid, Rose, comes to their mom:

Mommy, why my name is Rose?

Mom: Because when you were born, a little rose landed in your forehead...

The second one, Plumy:

And why my name is Plumy, mommy?

Mom: Because when you were born a lil plume landed in your forehea...
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One day the youngest son asks his mother, "Mom, why do I look so different from all my siblings?"....

The mother says "Son, from what I remember about that party, you are lucky that you don't bark".
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One day a man goes to his wife and says "Honey, I've never said anything before, but I need to know. I've noticed that of our seven children, that Jack looks different from the others. Does Jack have a different father than his siblings?"

The wife says "Yes, I admit it, he does."

The husband says "Who is his father?"

The wife says **"You are."**
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Don't you think it's unfair that some people get to be celebrities, but their siblings remain in the background?

I mean, everyone has heard of Hilary Swank, but not her sister, Gloria.

The eldest of three siblings comes up to his mother and asks: "Mommy, mommy, why is my name Leaf?"

"Well, honey," the mother says, "it's because when you were a little baby, a leaf landed on your head."

Satisfied, the child goes away.

Later, the middle child tugs at her mother's hand. "Mommy, mommy, why is my name Feather?"

"Well, darling," the mother says, "it's because when...
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I can always sense when my siblings are going to have a daughter.

I have telekineices.
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What do you call it when two insect siblings that get together?

An insectuous relationship
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I was curious what my parents did for fun before the internet…

I asked my 23 siblings and they didn’t know either.
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What do you call two siblings that take your money?

Fine brothers
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Jack was from a poor family with many siblings [OC]

As the eldest child, he took up the responsibility of helping his parents financially by doing odd jobs, be it collecting recyclable scraps, cleaning, babysitting, dog walking or simple repair work. He had no choice but to drop out of high school at the age of 14 to work full time in order for his o...

I had to start hiding cereal in my clothes so that my siblings couldn’t eat all of it.

I have Trix up my sleeve.
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My siblings have been trying to convince me to get a beard, but I’ve been reluctant until recently.

Now I think it’s grown on me.
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Yo mama so dumb...

...she tells yo mama jokes to you and your siblings.
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How do you tell two half-siblings apart?

The difference is apparent
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My parents refuse to let my younger siblings to get shots

What's so wrong with underage drinking anyways
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It’s International Siblings Day today...

or as Alabama calls it, Father’s Day.
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Why doesn't anyone know about Napoleon's siblings?

Because they were born apart.
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Two siblings are arguing, then one puts his hand level with his head and says “I’ve had it up to hear with you.”

The second sibling steps back takes a breath and speaks. “You know what? Fine.” He leaves, and years later is set to go to the moon. Once there on the televised broadcast he tells his brother, with his palm facing the earth, “I’ve had it to here.”
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What did Darwin’s son tell his siblings?

You’re adapted!
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I’ve had a fight with my siblings.

My friends said “Wow, that must be some huge problems for you”, to which I replied, “It’s relative.”
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Why do hillbilly siblings give each other kisses?

Because they're a little hickey.
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If identical siblings are both interested in something,

Do they have twin piques?
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Two siblings, a boy and a girl opens their Christmas presents

The boy received a football hat while the girl received a wonderful gold necklace.

The next year, the boy received a puzzle and the girl received an new wardrobe full of clothes.

And the next year again, the boy finds out he got a cheap chinese phone while his sister received an iPhon...
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My dad always taught me to share my toys with my siblings.

It wasn't that he wanted me to develop social skills, it's because he was a cheapskate that wanted to spend 50% less money on toys.
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My parents were like siblings.

And according to the police that was, like, a problem.
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What do you get when you cross two siblings from Alabama and an escort business?

A family discount
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How is called a woman from Alabama that can outrun all of her siblings?

A virgin.

What do you call a cannibal who keeps taking bites out of his siblings?

A munchkin
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I always used to think ‘my parents are like siblings’

sounds so much better than, ‘my parents are, like, siblings.’
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Three sibling vampires are discussing who is the strongest.

The eldest eventually gets bored of debating and flies of into the night, coming back 5 minutes later covered in blood.

"Siblings of mine! See the lone house on the path into the city, silent and lost in a stripe of blood and fury?" shrieks the eldest with sadistic glory in his voice.

...

My grandfather, my mom, and my siblings all have diarrhea.

Runs in the family.
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I was wondering what my parents did without the internet

and none of my 7 siblings could tell me
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In Hong Kong, there once lived a rich prestigious old man known as Grandpa Li.

Grandpa Li lived together with Grandma Li in a big mansion with 3 daughters, each known as Miss Li.

The eldest Miss Li got married. Since she came from a very prestigious family, she decided to keep her last name, and then known as Madam Li.

Madam Li had a Son and a Daughter. They are ...
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An elementary school teacher was meeting her new class

She pointed to one student and asked "What does your father do for a living?"

The boy said "My father's a magician! He has a new act that ends with sawing people in half."

"That's wonderful!" said the teacher. "And do you have any siblings?"

"Yes," said the boy- "I have a half...
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A sad first attempt at a joke

(It’s my first time posting here. Don’t blame me for the terrible joke lol)

A lawyer just lost a career making/breaking case so Satan sees this as an opportunity to approach him and make him an offer.

Satan: I will make you the most successful lawyer in history. You will never lose a c...
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There was a king ready to abdicate.

So he brought in his 3 sons. He tells them, "Each of you will receive a trial, the first to complete their trial will become king."

Beginning with his eldest son, a brave and foolhardy man of great stature he says, "You are to bring me your grandmother's emerald ring, lost decades ago in the ...

I wonder...

I always wondered what my parents did to pass time before things like the internet and TVs were invented.
I asked my 26 siblings for advice.
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What did our grandparents do without TV or internet?

I don't know. Ask your mom and her 6 siblings.
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I hate breakups...

Especially when they try to let you down gently.
"It's not you, it's me"

"I just need some space"

"We can still be siblings".
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While waiting in line at the entrance to a museum, my 16-year old daughter ran up to my wife and me and said, “Mom, Dad! We need to get a line form!”

Confused, I said “A line form?” She said, “Yes, I think you have to turn it in right over there before you can go in.” She pointed to the entrance.

That’s when I looked and saw the sign that said “Line Forms Here”.

True story. Bonus facts: She’s now a brilliant NICU nurse so she r...
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The Americans and Russians

at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world.
One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's...
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My kid asked me what was I doing in my 20's.

I told him that I used to throw his siblings on tissue papers.
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Somewhere in Alabama:

\*siblings fighting\*

Brother: "OH YEAH, WELL I WANT A DIVORCE!"
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I’m an only child,

My other siblings are adults.
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My girlfriend wants to break up with me and I don’t know why.

I’ve asked my parents, siblings, friends, wife, other family. No one can figure it out.
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I asked my dad what his parents' generation did to cure boredom before internet and TV existed

Neither him nor his 28 siblings had an answer.
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My dad always said laughter was the best medicine.....

Probably why so many of my siblings died from tuberculosis.
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Little Jhonny was an only child.

After hearing from his friends that had younger siblings how fun it was to take care, play, and sometimes pick on them, he got extremely jealous and began to wish very badly for a little brother. So everyday he would beg his parents for them to have another baby. His parents, however, really didn't ...
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My pullout game is so strong that

You don't have any siblings.
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I never could figure out what people did for entertainment before the Internet...

None of my 17 siblings can figure it out either.
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So, what's your profession again?

"Well", answered the man, "I'm a magician!"

"A Magician? What type of Magician?"

"It's a family business and I do the sawing down!"

"Family business? So do you have siblings?"

"Yes, two half brothers"
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a man is talking to a therapist

therapist: why did you find your siblings annoying?

man: my brother was so loud.. he literally didn't stop yelling from the second he was born to the moment he died.

therapist: wow, that must have broken some sort of record.

man: nah, five minutes is nothing.

For a while now, I always wondered how my parents passed the time in the 80’s and 90’s without social media

I asked my 32 other siblings and they’ve got no idea either.
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Little Johnny

An insurance officer comes to a farm and meets Little Johnny and asks,

"Hello, are your parents home by any chance?"

Little Johnny: "My parents were run over by the tractor ..."

Insurance officer: "Really? That's awful! Are your siblings at home?"

Little Johnny: "Run ...
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Our son Luke loves that we used Star Wars as inspiration to name our children...

His siblings R2-D2 and Chewbacca aren’t as amused
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Until today, I could never understand how my parents entertained themselves in their days, before smartphones were a thing

I asked my 72 other siblings and they haven’t got a clue either.

Feeling hopeless, I finally asked my parents and they said they played lots of sports. For some reason, I think they’re lying...
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Someone told me I look like a Greek god:

Incredibly vain, melodramatic fool who’s parents are probably siblings.
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Waitress: "Wow, you eat really fast!" Me: "Yeah, I come from a big family."

Waitress: "Oh yeah? How many siblings do you have?"

Me: "None. My parents are just super fat."
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Car accident

A man is called to the hospital, his wife and mother in law were in an accident. His wife held over for observation, and the doctor asks if his wife has any siblings.

He replies "no she an only child"

Dr Says "well than I am sorry to tell you you mother in law is very bad off. She has ...

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Many years ago a Native American and his son were talking about the things of life.

After a pause in the conversation, the son asks, “Father, how did you come up with the names for me and my siblings?”

He replies, “As soon as each of you were born, I went out from the teepee and the first thing I saw is what I named you each. For example, after your brother was born, I looke...

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A chicken has a question for his mother

A young chicken goes to his mom and asks,"why are all of our names just chicken and nothing unique?"
She tells him not to worry and that he'll have a unique name soon, just like his siblings chili chicken, butter chicken and teriyaki chicken.

I wonder what my parents did for fun when they were younger...

I don't know, I guess I'll go ask one of my 13 siblings...
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Two guys are chatting

Guy 1: Are you a virgin? I am.
Guy 2: I was a virgin two days ago.
Guy 1: Okay, got any siblings? I don't have any,
Guy 2: I don't, but you will in about 9 months.

I was raised as an only child.

My siblings took it pretty hard.
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My parents' motto is "Try and try until you succeed", and as the Firstborn, I don't get it.

and so does my 25 younger siblings.
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Yo momma is so stupid...

... she single-handedly became a threat to literally millions of people by deciding not to vaccinate you or your siblings.
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