The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man's wife...

Happy Mother's Day!

I came across 6 men beating up my mother in law. My wife asked "aren't you going to help?"

I said no, 6 should be enough.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A father cooks a deer for dinner and doesn't Tell the children what it is, he gives them a hint and says "it's what your mother calls me"

The son quickly yells out "its a fucking dick don't eat it!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was telling my mate, how my time machine experiment went drastically wrong when I went back in time & ended up inadvertently having sex with my own mother.

"Oh shit, so you could be your own father then?" he asked

"Well not really, I only went back two days"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Mummy, how was I born?

10-years old girl asks her mum: "Mummy, how was i born?"

The mother smiles a replies: "Once upon a time, me and your daddy had a wonderful time so we decided to plant a little seed. Daddy put it in the earth and I took very good care of it every single day. After a while the seed started to g...

Scotish dad calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve: “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing"...

"Forty-five years of misery is enough”, he continued.

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer” the father says. “We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”...

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law, unfortunately killing her instantly.

At the funeral service, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head "yes" and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, he would shake his head "...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Donald Trump meets with the Queen.

He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?" "Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people." Trump frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?" The Q...

A little girl says to her mother: "Mummy, when you were away at the weekend a strange lady came around"

"Not now," says Mummy. "Wait until Daddy gets home."

So they wait until Daddy gets home, and then Mummy says "Now dear, what were you saying about Daddy and the strange lady?"

And Daddy starts to say something but Mummy says, "You keep quiet - I'll be talking to my attorney in the ...

Mom asked me where I'm taking her to go out to eat for mother's day.

I told her, "We already have food in the house".

I don't understand all these jokes about mothers-in-law.

Mine is sweet, supportive, and a great influence on me and my wife. I can't say anything bad about her.

My mother said, "You won't amount to anything because you procrastinate."

I said, "Oh yeah... Just you wait."

Man gets on a bus and sits next to a mother with child...

The mother is trying to get her fussy son to breastfeed, she finally gets frustrated and tells the baby, "You better take to the milk, or I'll give it to this man sitting here..."

She tries a few more minutes, the baby is still just very fussy, she tells the baby again, "You need to start soo...

As I was picking up my mother in law from the airport, I asked her,

“So, how long do you think you’ll be staying with us?”

She answered, “Well... for as long as you like.”

“Not even for coffee??”

A girl goes to her mother

A girl goes to her mother and asks, “mom, why was I named Lily?”
The mother replies, “Because when you were born, a lily petal fell on your head, and we then knew it was the perfect name.”
Then another girl goes to her mother and asks, “mom, why was I named Rose?”
The mother replies, “Becau...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A little girl and her Mother were walking in a park...

There was a little girl and her mother walking in the park one day and they saw two teenager having sex on a bench.

​

the little girl says "Mommy what are they doing?" the mother hesitates then quickly replies " Ummm... they are making cakes. Now come on, we'll go to the Zoo...

My mother used to tell me this joke time and again when I was a child.

A mosquito got old enough to fly on his own, when he came back his mother was happily waiting for him.

\-"How was your first flight, my dear?" The mother asked.

\-"Amazing." He answered "Everyone thought I was doing great!"

\-"Oh yeah? What makes you think that?"

\-"Well,...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

NSFW - A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.

What are you doing?" she exclaimed.

The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement.
When he went downstairs...

A mother is cooking dinner when she hears her son come back from school...

"How was you English test today?" She asked

"It was easy except I had trouble on this one difficult question"

"What did it ask?" The mother replied

"It asked for the past tense of think"

"What did you answer it as?" The mother says.

"I couldn't really figure it out...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day, when the daughter said, "My hands are freezing cold!" The mother replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up."

The daughter did and her hands warmed up.

The next day, the daughter was riding with her boy friend who said, "My hands are freezing cold!"

The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up."

He did and warmed his hands.

The following da...

I am a proud anti-vaccine mother of 5!

Edit-4 now

2nd Edit-2 now

My kid asked me what he should get his Mom (my ex) for Mother's Day. I said how about something she can use in the bath?

....like a toaster!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My dear mother told me to always wear a condom

Because she new the only girls that would ever sleep with me were dirty whores.

What's the best flower for a boy to give for Mother's day?

Son-flowers of course!

3 girls and thier mother were walking through a park...

Girl 1 turned to her mother and said...

Girl 1: Mommy, why is my name Lily?

Mom: Because when we took you out of the Hospital, a Lily petal fell on your head.

The second Daughter, now curious, asks the same question...

Girl 2: Why is my name Rose?

Mom: When we took...

Robbie: Larry’s mother had four children. Three were named North, South and West. What was her other child’s name?

**Bobbie:** East?

**Robbie:** No. Larry.

“I lived with my mother till I was twelve”

“I thought you said she died when you were nine?”

“Yes, she did...”

A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate

A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of th...

My mother died a few years ago. I recently came across her death certificate and had a brilliant idea!

"I know how we can bring mom back!" I exclaimed. "Get me a Sharpie!"

My sister, looked at me confused, "Why?"

I pointed to the border of the certificate, "It says 'void if altered'!"

​

(This actually happened and my sister didn't find it very funny. But we each...

A man and his mother were very far behind on their car payments

The repo man had been after them for a while but hadn't successfully gotten the car yet. One day the man had an idea for a "sting" operation to solve the problem once and for all. Before he left he shouted to his mom that he was taking the car, but she was in the bathroom and couldn't make out what ...

For Mother's Day

I'd like to share a joke from one of my favorite customers (RIP Bernie)

Bernie: So, what did you get for mother's day?

Me: Nothing

Bernie: Why not?

Me: Because I'm not a mom

Bernie: Well, want to try for next year?

A boy's mother was vacuuming her 13 year old son's bedroom

She comes across a pile of serious bondage gear and fetish mags under his bed.

She tells her husband and asks "What do we do?"

Husband says "I'm no expert, but I wouldn't spank him."

A lifeguard asks a mother to scold her son for urinating in the public pool.

“It’s perfectly natural,” the mother says, “for young children to urinate in the pool. Plenty of children at this pool do it. I don’t see why my son doing it is such a big deal.”

​

The lifeguard pulls down his sunglasses and replies, “Well, all the other kids aren’t doing it...

Happy Mother’s Day!

A family was having dinner on Mother's Day. For some reason the mother was unusually quiet. Finally the husband asked what was wrong. "Nothing," said the woman. Not buying it, he asked again. "Seriously, what's wrong?" "Do you really want to know? Well, I'll tell you. I have cooked and cleaned and f...

There was a little boy whose mother was about to have a baby. One day the little boy walked in and saw his mother naked.

He asked his mother what the hair between her legs was.

She responded,"My washcloth."

Weeks later after the mother had the baby, the young boy walked in on his mother again. While she was in the hospital, the doctor shaved her pubic hair.

The boy asked his mother, "What happen...

If I threw your mother under the bus, which one would take the most damage?

The ground.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Coming in from the snow one evening, a polar bear cub asked his mother, “Mom, am I 100% polar bear?“

His mother replied, “Yes, son! I am 100% polar bear and your father is 100% polar bear so that makes you 100% polar bear.“

Still not satisfied, the cub went to his father who gave him the same answer. “Of course, son! Both your grandmothers were 100% polar bear and both your grandfathers were...

How are high school teachers similar to anti-vaxx mothers?

They have to say goodbye to their kids after only 4 years.

Your mother is so old,

she rewinds the Netflix videos before logging out.

A cow gives birth to 4 cavles, and one day her oldest comes up and asks "Mother, why was I names 'Lotus'

The mother replies saying "Because when you were born, a lotus petal fell on your head". The next day, the mothers second oldest came up and asked why they were called Rose, and the mother replies "Because a rose petal fell on your head when you were born". Her third child asked why they were named ...

My mother used to say "never come back home late at night"

I never disobey her. I come back early in the morning.

A boy approached his mother...

Boy: Mom, why were you bouncing on daddy's stomach last night?

Mom: Oh... Well... Daddy has been gaining weight recently, I was helping him lose weight by pressing his stomach down.

Boy: Oh, I don't think that will work.

Mom: Why?

Boy: Because when you're not around, the ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A daughter calls her mother and says "I'm divorcing Nathan. All he wants is sex, sex and more sex."

My vagina is now the size of a 50-cent piece. when it used to be the size of a 5-cent piece.

Her mother says:

"You are married to a multi-millionaire. You live in a mansion. You drive a Ferrari. You get all the money. You take 6 vacations a year and you want to throw all that away for ...

What did Bill Cosby do for Single moms on Mother’s Day?

I tried asking them but they couldn’t remember

I live in constant fear that Trump will deport my Latina mother in law

Who lives at 324 3rd st. Los Angeles. She gets off at 6

The wife’s mother said: ‘When you’re dead, I’ll dance on your grave.’

Me: ‘Good, I’m being buried at sea.’

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother a question

"Is it true what Rita just told me?" "What's that?" asks her mother. "That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter. "Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter. ...

A mother traveled across the country to watch her only son get married and graduate from the air force on the exact same day.

“Thank you for coming,” the son said. “It means so much.” “Of course I’d be here,” the mother replied. “It’s not every day a mom watches her son get his wings and have them clipped all in one day.”

If my grandmother found out how much money i spent on her funeral...

...she'd be spinning in her ditch.

It's Mother's Day and the whole family has enjoyed a delicious dinner.

As all were done, the mother stands up and as she's about to grab the empty plates, the father asks :

"Honey... what are you doing ?"

Mother : "... Bringing the dishes to the kitchen and putting them in the dishwasher, what else ?"

Father : "Come on darling, today is Mother's Da...

I can always find the mothers and fathers in a public event

because it's apparent

A 9 year old child was rummaging through his mother's makeup cabinet when he found a age reducing ointment...

The label mentioned that you will look 10 years younger. Not know what it was exactly, the child rubbed the ointment all over his body.

Hours later, the mother noticed the lack of noise and went to check on her child. To her dismay, she saw her makeup supplies scattered about, found her anti ...

There was a father mole, a mother mole, and a baby mole that lived in a hole out in the country not far from a farmhouse.

One morning, the father mole poked his head out of the hole and said, “Mmmm, I think I smell sausage cooking!”

The mother mole pushed the father mole aside, poked her head outside the hole, and said, “Mmmm, I think I smell pancakes!”

The baby mole tried to push aside the two bigger mol...

A man in the grocery store notices a woman with a three-year-old girl in her cart.

As they pass the cookie section, the little girl screams for cookies. The mother says, “Now Missy, we only have a few more aisles to go—don’t throw a fit. It won’t be long.” In the candy aisle, the little girl whines for candy. The mother says,

“There, there, Missy, don’t cry. Two more aisle...

Greatest Mother's Day advice ever, from my grandmother...

You should beat your children everyday. Because if you don't know what they did, they do!

A Jewish mother goes on a flight

The plane takes off. After a while she stands up and ask loudly: “is there a doctor in this plane?”
A man comes quickly and say: “I’m a doctor, what happened?”
The woman replies: “would you like to meet my daughter?”

Fred's mother knit him three socks when he was in the army

because Fred wrote he had grown another foot.

A nun walks into the Mother Superior's office

And says, "We've found a case of Syphilis in the Convent!"

"Oh, good. I was getting tired of the Chablis".

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."

The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"

A mother and her inquisitive young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago.

The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and asked, "If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?"

The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant.

So the boy dutifully asked the fligh...

I call my wife Bambi. She thinks it's because she's cute with big brown eyes...

But in reality it's because I want someone to shoot her mother with a hunting rifle

I discovered my mother in law has weekly sessions with Lucifer himself on how to be even more vicious.

I’ve no idea what kind of fees she’s charging him.

When I was younger, my mother always used to tuck me in.

I think she secretly wanted a girl

I asked my friend what he got his mum for Mother’s Day...

Friend: A new dog, a car, a expensive necklace, lots of other things and a renovation to her house.

Me: Wow! How did you afford all of that.

Friend: I inherited it from my mum, she just passed away...

A mother taught her son to go to the bathroom by the numbers.

1. Open your fly.

2. Take out your equipment.

3. Pull back the skin.

4. Do your business.

5. Let the skin forward.

6. Stow your equipment.

7. Close your fly."

She checked on him often to make sure he had learned his lesson, and each time heard him thr...

Your mother is so fat

the picture she sent me used my data for the month.

How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?

Don't trouble yourself, I'll just sit here in the dark.

A mother called the doctor about her teenage daughter. "She refuses to eat anything but yeast and car wax. Now she's lying in bed asleep and I can't wake her. What should I do?" "There's nothing to worry about." said the doctor,

"she'll rise and shine soon enough..."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Mother and Father get into a heated argument in front of their child on Christmas Day.

***PART 1***

The Mother calls the father "a Bastard".

The Father retaliates by calling the mother "a Bitch".

The child asks his mother "What's a Bastard" and the mother replies "it's just another word for Father".

The child then asks his father "What's a Bitch" and the fa...

Mothers have Mothers day, father's have Father's day, couples have Valentine's day

and I have Palm Sunday.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A mother and father took their 6-year-old son to a nude beach.

As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had boobs bigger than his mother's, and asked her why. She told her son, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is." The boy pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the m...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A girl goes to her mother and says...

“Mom, I think I’m pregnant”

The mom says, “I’ve told you so many times, when someone is touching your boobs, say ‘don’t’. If they are touching your vagina, say ‘Stop’.

The girl looks at her mother and says

“Yeah but he was touching both”

How do you keep little cows quiet so their mummy can sleep in on Mother’s Day?

Use the Mooote function on their horns

Why did the group of previously miscarried mothers meet at chilis?

They wanted their baby back ...baby back... baby back

Me: I'm having a difficult time getting over my mother.

Therapist: I've got a trampoline.

“A Freudian slip is when you say a thing and you mean a mother...

.... sorry another”

A man places some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and starts back toward his car when his attention is diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.

The man seems to be praying with profound intensity and keeps repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?”

​

The first man approaches him and says, “Sir, I don’t wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I’ve eve...

I got thrown out of DisneyWorld for spreading my dead mother’s remains around the park. It was her dying wish.

The security guards said I probably should have cremated her first.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A polar bear cub comes home from school one day and says to his mother...

“Mom, are you sure I'm a purebred polar bear? I'm not part grizzly bear or anything?"

She says, "Of course you're 100% polar bear. I'm a polar bear, your dad's a polar bear, you're a polar bear."

The next day after school, he asks his father. "Dad, am I a purebred polar bear? Are you s...

Why is mother always right?

Cause dad's left.

A mother goes for a walk with her 3 daughters.

They go trough a park and the first daughter sees a rose bush.

"Mommy mommy, look, roses, just like my name!" says the first daughter.

"Why yes rose, when you were born a rose petal fell on your head, so I named you rose." says the mother.

They continue to walk and then the seco...

At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?"
The little boy nodded yes.
"So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you're out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A few days after Christms, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her yoing son playing with his new train set in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "...

A rich mother in law has 3 daughters who are married off to 3 men....

She wanted to test whether her sons in law really cared about her or not. So she devised a plan. She invites her first SIL for a run and after reaching a river she purposefully slips into the river's current.
Without any hesitation first SIL jumps into the river and saves her. The very next day h...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How my Husband and I Terrified a Taxi Driver

My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre.

Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard. When our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat ...

I relabeled all the spices in my mother's kitchen

She hasn't found out yet but the thyme is cumin

“Julie,” her mother asked, “why are you feeding birdseed to the cat?”

“Because,” Julie answered, “that’s where my canary is.”

Mother: "Why did I see coconut all over the kitchen?!"

Father: "Coco, come in here! Don't you have wifi in your bedroom?!"

My mother-in-law was bitten by a dog yesterday

She's fine. But, the dog died

Johnny became a mailman after hearing how they always slept with women as part of the punchline of jokes. He figured he’d tell the jokes to mothers as he dropped of the mail and then sleep with them. He dropped off package after package and told joke after joke, but no mothers ever slept with him.

One day he asked a mother if he’s been mislead by the jokes. Maybe mother’s really never slept with the mailmen and the jokes were misleading.

The mother said, “oh honey, it’s not the jokes, it your delivery.”

My mother-in-law came round the other day

Knocked her out again, no problem!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man asks his son to go ask his mother if she would have sex with anyone in the world for $1,000,000...

The boy goes upstairs and asks his mom...

"Hey Mom, would you have sex with anyone in the world for $1,000,000?"

The mother considers it for a moment and then replies "yes, yes I would."

The son comes back and reports to his father as he exclaims "wow dad! Mom said she have se...

My mother told me to stop playing with my sister...

She says, at least wait until she is born first

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Timmy was being raised by his single mother

When one day she sat him down and explains to him that she’s given this a lot of thought and takes it very seriously but she identifies as a man and intends to start living as such. Timmy understands.

It was a long transitioning process of altering his appearance, changing his name, undergoi...

A boy came to his mother and asked her "Mom, where did I come from?"

The woman explained intercourse, insemination, conception, pregnancy and birth to her son in easy-to-understand terms. However, he still was puzzled, so she asked him "Do you understand what I said?"

The boy replied "Yes, I do, but what I want to know is where I came from. Jimmy in my class s...

A friend of mine, a mother of 4 refused to get her children vaccinated.

Edit : Mother of three..

Edit2 : Mother of two...

Edit3 : Mother of one.....

Edit4 : Mo.. Wait..

Your mother is so fat...

She wears the asteroid belt to keep her pants up.

One day, a young deer named Frank Lee went out with his mother...

As they were carrying on with their daily business, they came across a river with a beaver building a dam.


The young deer asked his mother, “Why is the beaver building a dam?”


His mother responded, “Not for long. Watch and learn, son.”


The mother then proceeded to...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A daughter asked her mother, “Mom, how do you spell ‘scrotum’?”

Her mom replied, “Honey, you should have asked me last night—it was on the tip of my tongue.”

A son is visiting his mother the week after Hanukkah wearing one of the two sweaters she’d given him as a gift for the holiday.

As he walks into her house, instead of saying hello, the mother says, “What’s wrong? You didn’t like the other sweater I got you?”

Mother Superior is in the convent, when she hears a knock at the door. She opens the door and is shocked to see two leprechauns standing at the threshold, hats in hand. The first leprechaun speaks, "Mother Superior, would you be having any leprechaun nuns in this convent?"

"No, my son. We have no leprechaun nuns in this convent."

"And mother, do you have any leprechaun nuns in all of Ireland?"

"No my son, I don't believe there's a single leprechaun nun in the whole church!"

The first leprechaun rounds on his companion and shouts, "AH TOL' YE YOU'D...

A Good Mother

A good mom will always let her child lick the cookie dough after she's finished mixing it.

The best mom will switch the mixer off first.

​

(This was a joke translated from Russian that my mom always told me. She was a pretty good mom ;( )

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Head teacher knocks on a parents door, then mother answers, he says "I've come over your little Johnny swearing in class"

She said "it's them bastards next door, i'm fucking sick of it. Come and have a word with his father whilst you're here" the teacher says "no, i'd better fuck off now, cya later".

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Adam’s mother was visiting Adam and his roommate, Steve.

During the visit Adam’s mother couldn’t help but notice how handsome Steve was. She had been dubious of her son’s sexuality and this only made her more curious. She wondered if Adam and Steve were more than just roommates. Adam, reading his mother’s mind said, “Mom, I know what you are thinking but ...

A little girl asks her mother, “How did the human race appear?”

The mother answers, “Well, God made Adam and Eve and then they had kids. So all mankind was made.”

Two days later the little girl asks her father the exact same question.

The father answers, “Many years ago, there were monkeys from which the entire human race evolved.”

The co...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

When you have sex with your mother it's not incest.

It's Alamama.

I blame Mother Earth for all earthquakes.

It’s always her fault.

Dad and his son Billy, age 5, had a conversation. Dad: Billy listen. Your mother and I have decided that we can't live together anymore.

Billy: But papa, where will mommy live??

Dad: She'll still live here.

Billy: Oh papa I will miss you.

Dad: I will miss you too Billy. Now pack up your stuff you got 15minutes to get the f\*\*k out.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Young boy sneaks into his parents room while the mother was with her lover...

And hides in the closet to peek


But, the husband suddenly returns from his job


Lover jumps in the closet and meets the boy


Boy: -Its dark here

Lover: -Yeah

B: - Wanna buy my ball?

L: -No

B: - My father is right outside...

L: -How m...

In medieval times, there is a young boy who lives with his mother and has never met his father.

In medieval times, there is a young boy who lives with his mother and has never met his father. One day, he says to his mother:

Son: Mom, did my father have a genetic disorder that causes him to have a lump on his back

Mother: Why would you think that?

Son: I just have a hunch.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A young man is eating pussy in his bedroom when his mother barges in.

She screams “Mr. Whiskers!”

A mother had three sons: Leaf, Feather and Brick.

Leaf came one day to his mom and said: "Mom, why did you call me Leaf?"

"Well son, ", replied his mom, "When you were born a leaf fell on your head and it was so cute and I couldn't hold myself from naming you like that".

Years passed and Feather came one day to his mom and said: "Mom...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Richard Pryor: I got famous for saying "motherfucker". Sam Jackson: I also got famous for saying "motherfucker".

Oedipus: You guys are all talk.

Father :"Son, your mother and I have decided it's time to tell you you're adopted."

Son: "That's OK father! I will always love you and mom neither what!"

Father: "That's good son. Now pack your bags your new parents will pick you up in one hour."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Irish girl tells her mother that she decided to become a prostitute.

Mom: You want to be a WHAT?

Daughter: Prostitute.

Mom: Oh thank God. I thought you said Protestant.

Why are mothers the best at pictionary?

Because mummies know hieroglyphics.

Virginity in school

Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."

Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop."