I told my niece that I saw a moose on the way to work this morning

She said, “How do you know he was on his way to work?”

I told my teenage niece to go get me a phone book...

She laughed at me, and said

"Oh uncle you're so old. Just use my phone."

So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider.

I found a way around the Chai niece sense or ship

[Not removed]

So my niece asked me if they have to swim to get in the Navy.

I couldn't figure it out, but I guessed she thought about it after my nephew declared that he was going into the Marines and stole her crayons.

My niece asked me what kind of birds are found on Twitter.

I told her mostly parrots.

My niece did nothing with her life.

She just sat in her womb all day.

Joke from my 10 year old niece. What do you call a sleeping T-Rex

A dinosnore

From my 9 year old niece...”What is it called when a chicken is staring at a salad?”

Chicken sees a salad.

My anti-vax sister wouldn’t let me take my niece trick-or-treating, even though she had the perfect Halloween costume.

Stupid cemetery rules.

My 7 y/o niece just dad joked me.

**Her:** "Do you know any jokes?"

**Me:** "No."

**Her:** "I'll teach you one."


"Knock! Knock!"

**Me:** "Who's there?"

**Her:** "Ash."


"Now ask, Ash: who?"

**Me:** "Ash: who?"

**Her:** "Please cover your ...

My niece wouldn't eat the beef tongue because it came out of the mouth of an animal.

I then prepared her an egg...

Aunt Bessie loved to visit her nieces and nephews. However, she had relatives all over the country.

The problem was that no matter how much she enjoyed seeing them, she hated flying. No matter how safe people told her it was, she was always worried that someone would have a bomb on the plane.

She read books about how safe it was and listened to the stewardess demonstrate all the safety fe...

A mother of twins went into labour and passed out.

A mother of twins went into labour and passed out. She woke up hours later to find her (not so bright) sister carrying her twins. Nervously the new mother asked her sister whether the children has been named. To which the sister replied yes. The new mother shocked and scared then asked the sister wh...

I took my niece to the zoo the other day...

The only animal there was a small, scruffy looking dog.

I called the zookeeper over.

"What's with the scruffy old dog? Why is that the only animal?"

"It's a Shih-Tzu"

My niece calls me ankle...

I call here knees

We are a joint family!

A joke from my 4 year old niece.

Why did the snowman go to the doctor?

Because he lost his balls

My niece stabbed me with a red crayon today...

It drew blood

Have you heard about these new corduroy pillows?

They've really been making headlines.

-courtesy of my 8 year old niece.

I came walking in from the kitchen, and asked my niece for the phone book.

She laughed and called me an antique, then proceeded to give me her phone.

Long story short, the spider's dead, and she's in the living room crying.

What did Hitler get his niece for her birthday?

An easy bake oven.

My 4 year old niece's unintentional dirty joke.

Why did the fan blow itself? Because it was turned on!

Joke by my 6 year old niece

6: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me:I don't know why?
6: He didnt, he got hit by a truck!

Still gets me 13 years later.

Joke From My Niece

Her: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: Why?
Her: To get to the ugly guy's house.
Me:???
Her: Knock knock
Me: Who's there?
Her: It's the chicken!

My niece is a sophomore at West Point. She's already had five majors,

and three Captains and two Lieutenants.

My 5-year-old niece's twist on an old pirate joke

**Question:** Why did the pirate have trouble with the alphabet?

**Answer:** Because his 'I' was all jacked up.

*...she cracks me up*

The music teacher at the school my niece goes to was out sick 2 days last week. The school had a dog fill in for her.

He was a sub woofer.

My five year old niece told me this one... What do you call a 60 foot platypus?

A platybus!

My nieces joke

I was telling my little niece some jokes, and she loved them and started making up her own, but she doesn't quite understand how jokes work yet.
Her: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: I don't know, why DID the chicken cross the road?
Her: LIGHT BULB!

i kiss my niece on her cheek

I lovingly gave my niece a kiss on her cheek upon seeing her at a family get-together. Afterwards, I noticed her wiping her cheek. “Are you wiping off my kiss?”, I asked her. “No”, she smartly replied, “I’m just rubbing it in!”

My eight year old niece told me this. I think it's pretty funny!

An elephant is passing by an apple tree, and he spots a monkey up there. He asks the monkey,

"Hey monkey, what are you doing up there?"

*"I'm gonna eat bananas now."*

"Stupid monkey, you are sitting on an apple tree!"

*"Stupid elephant, I got bananas in my pocket."*

My 7 year old niece didn't realize she made a joke while playing Star Wars with me.

Me (Darth Vader): What have you done with those plans?!?
Her (Leia): It's over there in that little box.
Me: How can a disc fit in that little box?
Her: It was a floppy disc.

My six year old niece made up this joke. I think she may be a comedic prodigy.

Why did the sweater go to boot camp?


To warm up!

My sister and her husband just split up, so I got my 8 year old niece the new "Divorce Barbie"

She comes with half of Ken's stuff.

I think my niece has a burgeoning slip 'n slide addiction

Once you go down one, it's just a slippery slope.

My 6 year old niece told me this one.

What do you call an alligator who likes to wear vests?

(•_•)

( •_•)>⌐■-■

(⌐■_■)

An investigator

Have you ever tried to eat a clock?

It’s pretty time consuming.


Credit: My 5 year old niece.

A man goes to his fiancee's family reunion.

Being his first time, he's amazed at how many people are there.

He asks, "This can't all be your family, is it?"

"It sure is. Let me introduce you to everyone," she replies. "Let's get something to drink first."

The couple goes over to the drink table and the man reaches over ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A wife screams at her husband

Wife: "How could you screw me over like this?!"

Husband : "what did I do?"

Wife: " You slept with my Niece, you bastard!"

Husband : "Well, when I went to work she was lying naked on my table and you know she's an attractive woman, what did you expect me to do?"

Wife: "The...

A twist on your typical knock knock joke

My 4 YO niece told us this joke at dinner. She clearly doesn't understand the punchline.

Knock knock
Whos there?
Orange

Knock knock
Who's there?
Orange

Knock knock
Whos there?
Apple you glad I didn't say orange again!

What do you call a big pile of kittens?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

A Meowtin.

​

/told by my 7 year old niece this morning. I lol'ed pretty hard.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A special day in February

I asked my 10 year old niece what special day is coming up in February.

"President's Day."

"What does President's Day mean?" I expected her to tell me something about Obama or Bush or Clinton.

Instead, she says, "President's Day is when the President steps out of the White House...

Having a baby girl? You should name her Artica.

It's awesome because all her nieces and nephews will have an Aunt Artica.

The Dog Pound

Three dogs were in a cage at the city pound: A Pit Bull, a German Shepherd and a Great Dane. The Pit Bull told the others "I was eating my dinner and my owner's two year old niece tried to grab my food, so I ripped out her throat. Now they are going to put me to sleep."

The German Shepher...

"Am I mentioned in the will?" the nephew asked anxiously.

"You certainly are" , replied the lawyer.

Right here in the third paragraph your uncle says:
To my niece Sarah I bequeath a hundred thousand dollars,
to my cousin Janice fifty thousand dollars,
and to my nephew Charles, who was always curious to know if he was mentioned in my will, I...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I now call my sister a B instead of a bitch

Now my daughter is the B's niece

Every family has that weird, slightly perverted uncle.

Not me, though! I just have some really hot nieces who won't let me buy them beer.

I used to be an Uncle like you...

...Until I took an arrow to the niece.

What did the head say to the brush?

Comb over hair.

My thanks to my niece who made this up. She is seven. Pretty good imo.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Monastery

An old monk is recounting his life to his nieces and nephews who lived in a small, rural town. The area around was hilly, and at the bottom of a nearby valley, there was a large, ornate monastery.

"Uncle, why did you become a monk?" the youngest asked

"One day, I was riding my bicycle ...

What kind of table is good for your health?

A vegetable!

This joke was made by adorable 8-year-old niece!

It wasn't. It was made by a 27 year old. Me. It was made by me.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Southern ball in need of two male guests.

A lady of the plantation in a southern state was holding a ball in her wonderful country house. With most of the local well-to-do's attending and a great portion of her extended family (those who she did invite, of course) coming as well, she found herself with a problem.


Her two nieces w...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Real Story: My first Dad joke

Wife had a C-section and was in recovery. I go to update my family who have been waiting for 4 hours in the waiting room. They asked how's she doing and I said that her and our baby girl are okay.

Then they asked who the baby looks more like, me or my wife.

I said,"Eh, I dunno, but...

Why did the elephant paint itself lots of different colors.

So that it could hide in the crayon box. Courtesy of my 4 y/o niece.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A great storm is brewing....

I was at my neice's pool party last Saturday. She got an inflatable dolphin for her birthday. We were all having a great time, when the wind started blowing a bit harder and some clouds rolled in. Over the next 10 minutes it just started getting windier and windier and the skies turned dark. In the ...

I phoned in sick today

"Exactly how sick are you?"
"Well, I'm in bed with my 12 year old niece."

Aunt Bessie figures it all out...

Aunt Bessie loves to meet and pamper her nieces and nephews, but she is limited only to her city, as she has a severe fear of flying. *"Who knows! Someone may be carrying a bomb!"*. Her relatives try and try to convince her how safe it is to fly nowadays, but 'she ain't gonna listen to nobody!'
<...

Why did 2pac go to the gym?

So he could become 8pac.


To clarify, my 11 year old niece told me this. Thought this sub needed to lighten up a bit.

Why did the mermaid wear sea shells?

Cause she was too big for B- shells!

(my 6 year old niece likes to tell this joke)

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

They should make Star Trek toilet paper...

...so you can help wipe Klingons off Uranus.

(been a while since this one's been around. Just heard it again today from my 5 year old niece)

Kids' joke- What do you call a cut on a T-Rex's foot?

A Dino Sore.

I made this joke up in response to my niece's own joke of: "What do you call a pregnant dinosaur? A Preg-osaurous." Like Stegosaurus... pretty smart.

A Wife goes to her husband for help

She asks him what she needs to do to inform her very sensitive niece that she is getting fat without hurting her feelings. So the husband says we should go to the store and get a talking scale so that it can inform her on how big she is getting without out it coming from her. So they go to the store...

What do you call a disembodied nose?

Nobody nose.

My 8-year-old niece claims she made this up. I have my doubts.

Pink Fluff...

What's pink and fluffy?
Pink Fluff

What's Blue and Fluffy?
Pink Fluff holding it's breath.

(My niece told me this)

What's worse than raining cats and dogs?

Hailing taxi cabs!

Got this from a joke book my niece got for Christmas. Most of them were groaners but this one actually made me laugh!

What is the difference between dragons and dinosaurs?

Dinosaurs aren't old enough to smoke. Told to me by my niece at christmas.

A young girl is living with her aunt...

One night the girl is on her way out to go dancing. The aunt notices that her niece isn't wearing a bra, and her shirt is quite translucent. So the aunt stops her before she leaves the house and demands where she is going dressed like that.
"Oh Aunty," the girl replies, "I'm just letting my rose...