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A widowed Jewish lady was sunbathing on a beach in Fort Myers, Florida.

She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand next to hers and began reading a book. Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello, sir, how are you today?"

"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.
...

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time.

Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.

Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.

They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

Finally, the old gentleman decided...

At a funeral, a man asks the widow if he may say a word

The widow replies of course.

The man stands up and says "Plethora".

The widow responds "Thanks, that means a lot".

Elderly Widow

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home is it?"

A funeral home director was meeting with a grieving widow

The funeral director was showing the widow the final touches they had done to her husband's corpse before the funeral the next day.

As the director was showing her the way they had put the finishing touches on and dressed up the deceased, the widow burst into tears.

The director,...

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The wife of a very rich man dies from illness.

To honor her, the widower announces a big funeral in his huge resort, where everyone they knew is invited. The guests arrive, and after the first day is over, everyone is preparing to go to sleep. As there are not enough rooms to accommodate everyone, the widower had 2 grand salons prepared with bed...

Why do black widow spiders kill their partners after they mate?

They can't stand to listen to the snoring.

An 80-year-old farmer walks into a bar.

"Remember a few years back when my wife died?" he asks the bartender.

"Yes," the bartender says sadly.

"Well," the farmer continues, "now I am no longer a widower! Yesterday, I married a 21-year-old woman."

The bartender knows that a 21-year-old woman will not be very happy with...

A priest, a doctor, and the deceased's widow are talking after the funeral. [Long]

A priest, a doctor, and the deceased's widow are talking after the funeral. The priest says, "I have something I need to confess. Before he died, your husband gave me an envelope with $250,000 in it and requested I place it in the casket with him. I know he was rich and loved his money, so I swore t...

Trophy Girlfriend

Bill, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the country club with a breathtakingly beautiful 25-year-old blonde on his arm. She's hanging on his every word. His buddies at the club are aghast.

They corner him and ask, "Bill how did you get the trophy girlfriend?" Bill replies...

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To my future wife and widow :

when I die I want you to mix my ashes with a bowl of chili, then eat it. Just so that I can tear that ass up one more time.

Rednecks are good at sensitive stuff.

Three Rednecks were working on a Cell Phone pole: Cooter, Pete and KC. As they start their descent Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Pete says, "Well, damn, someone should go and tell his wife." KC says, "OK, I'm pretty g...

A man goes to Heaven and meets Jesus.

Upon arriving at the pearly gates, Jesus said, "Come on in. I'll show you around. I really think you'll like it here."

Walking through the gates, the man noticed that there were clocks everywhere. It appeared that Heaven was nothing more than a giant clock warehouse.

Surprised at how H...

Jack and John decided to go skiing.

They loaded up their mini van and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they were caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door,if they could spend the night.

"I realize its terrible weather out there and I have thi...

A man walks up to the Widow at a funeral and asks if he can say a word.

"Of course", she replies.

The man plucks up the courage and says, "Bargain".

The Widow looks at him, teary eyed and says,

"Thank you so much, that means a great deal".

Me: You know, the female black widow spider kills the male spider after mating. I don’t understand why?

Wife: I’m pretty sure it’s to stop the male from snoring before it starts

A seventy year old man goes to the doctor...

A seventy year old man is at the doctor’s office for a routine checkup. After the examination, the doctor tells the man that he is in great physical condition for his age, in fact amazing condition for a man even half his age. The doctor asks how he does it, and the patient tells him that it’s good ...

Black Widow is just the right amount of hot.

In other words, Natasha Warm Enough.

A man went down from Chicago to the Key West for a holiday.

His wife was on a business trip and planned to fly down to meet him the next day. When the man arrived in Florida, he e-mailed his wife to let her know he had arrived, but mistyped her address.

Instead, his message went to the inbox of a woman whose husband had just passed away. When the gri...

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Up or Down

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish.Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day.

The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to hi...

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A widow, Claire, was looking to move away from the city, and looked for a small town to live her final years in.

She drove a few hours out into the countryside to find a good place to move into. Eventually she came by Barkstown, and this peculiar name piqued her curiosity.

She drove in and was amazed by the amount of dogs there were in this town, but she was getting hungry from not eating all day.
...

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Three construction workers, an Australian, a Finn and a Swede, are sitting on a beam on the tenth floor about to have their lunch.

The Australian opens his lunch box and says "Bloody hell - meat pies again! Every day it's bloody meat pies! If I get meat pies again tomorrow, I'm going to jump!"

The Finn opens up his lunch next. "Saatana! Makkara (sausage) again! Always sausages! If I get sausage tomorrow, I'm gonna jump t...

When Marvel named a movie after Chadwick Boseman's wife, they crossed the line

Seriously? Black Widow? Show some respect!

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Did you hear about the widower who cries when he masturbates?

Quite the tear jerker.

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Two old widowers

Two old friends, both widowers, are sitting on a bench recounting the days of their youth and discussing what they've done in life.

Widower 1: My only regret is that I cheated on my wife early on in our marriage. I can only admit it now as my wife is no longer alive. I was young and foolish a...

A millionaire widow wants to remarry

So she goes to the local newspaper to place an ad (old I know). The ad reads: “Millionaire Widow looking for a husband, only 3 requirements:
To never hit me, to never leave me and to be well endowed.”
She goes home and early the next day she hears the door bell, goes to her master bedroom wind...

A new widow is talking to the funeral director

She says, "Lying over there is my John, God rest his soul. And he's laid out in his favorite brown suit. I kept my promise to send him here with that suit, but he looks awful in brown."

"Here's $200. I want you to get him a blue suit for the viewing and funeral."

The undertaker says he...

Two elderly widows, Dolores and Mary, met at a restaurant after a heavy rain.

Both were smokers, but they arrived drenched from head to toe. Dolores noticed that Mary’s cigarette was still dry because it had a covering. Dolores said "Mary, what's that on your cigarette?" Mary responded "It's a condom. I buy them at the drugstore to keep my cigarettes dry on rainy days." D...

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An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida.

His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.

Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he mi...

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There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.

One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read: Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had £100 in it, which was all the money I ...

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A Widow Finds Love

A widow lost her husband a few years ago and has decided she’s ready to start dating again. So she decides to put an Ad in the newspaper which reads:

“60 year old Woman for Man looking for a second chance at love. I want someone who will not hit me, will not run out on me, and must be good in...

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I was at this funeral and after we went to house for the wake and I was a bit bored so I went up to the widow and I asked her "Can I have the wi-fi code?" She replied "Don't you think that's inappropriate you, short fat bald wanker".....

I said "Is that all in lowercase ?"

A widow sees a man sunbathing at the poolside of her country club

She approaches him: "Excuse me. I don't think I've seen you here before. Are you new?"

"As a matter of fact, I am." he says. "I was in prison for 30 years."

"For what?" she asks

"I murdered my wife." he responds.

"Oh!" She exclaims. "So you're single!"

I recently became a widower.

...if everything had gone as planned.

A man sat down next to a grieving widow at her husband's funeral.

He says to the widow, "Is it alright if I say a word?"

When the widow agreed, the man stood up and cleared his throat loudly.

"Plethora", the man said. He promptly sat back down.

The grieving widow told him, "Thank you, that means a lot."

So me and my friend got a summer job...

My friend and I got a summer job at a construction company. On our first day we were told to go to a nearby apartment building that was still under construction, to place some windows on the 28th floor. About an hour in, our colleague trips and suddenly falls out of the window. Dead as a doornail, t...

The class of 1950 gets together for their class reunion. Not many people are left, but two of the 10 people to attend were Harry, an 88 year old widower, and Esther, an 87 year old divorcee.

Over the course of the evening, they had a great time chatting about old times and their families. They each felt a real connection and by the time the night was out, Harry had proposed and Esther has happily accepted.

The next morning, Harry woke up and was frustrated to realize that he cou...

A rich man demanded to be buried with his money

Upon his death bed a miser demanded he be buried with all his money leaving behind nothing for his wife and children. After his death some friends approached his widow to offer her jobs and gifts but discover she has bought a new home, car, and wardrobe. The friends ask how she can afford all of thi...

Why do the avengers make Black Widow share her location on her phone?

To stop her from Romanoff

The merry widow dies and goes to heaven

When she gets to the pearly gates she asks if she can be reunited with her late husband.
St Peter: "What's his name?"
Her: "Ted Smith."
St Peter: "We've got many, many Ted Smiths up here. Help me narrow it down. Where was he buried and what were his last words?"
Her: "He was bur...

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An elderly woman passes, leaving her life-long husband a lonely widower.

As time goes on, his life begins to unravel as he spirals into a pit of despair. This does not go unnoticed by his adult children, who grasp at any opportunity to cheer him up. Finally, one of them convinces him to grudgingly attend an evening game at the local bingo hall, knowing that he'll be in t...

House Call

A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace the aging doctor there. The older doctor suggested that the younger doctor accompany him as he made his house calls so that the people of the community could become accustomed to him. At the first house they visited, the younger doctor listene...

I’m worried I’ve become very obsessed with Wonder Woman, Black Widow and Captain Marvel lately.

I think I might be a heroine addict.

Birds of no Feathers....

A man from Los Angeles took a job in San Francisco, leaving his 70 yr old, widowed mother of 6 mos to fend for herself. As her birthday was approaching, he went around asking his co-workers for ideas to get his mom a bday gift.

None of their ideas appealed to him, until someone suggested a p...

Should I ever encounter a black widow with the opportunity to seduce and betray her, my final words to her would be

“For all the men that came before me”

A widow at a funeral

The widow takes a look at her dear departed one right before the funeral and, to her horror, finds that he's in his brown suit. She'd specifically said to the undertaker that she wanted him buried in his blue suit; she'd brought it especially for that occasion, and she was distressed that the mortic...

A wife who's husband is dead is called a widow. A husband, however is called:

Free

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A widow puts out an ad for a man...

She put out an ad for a man that would not beat her, not run away, and could satisfy her sexually. A few days later the doorbell rings. And in the doorway is a man with no arms or legs. He told her he was there to answer her ad, and she asked him why he thought he fit the criteria.

"Well, I h...

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Three widows are at a crematory collecting their deceased husband's ashes...

Three widows are at a crematory collecting their deceased husband's ashes and after mourning for some time, they begin to talk about what they plan to do with their lover's ashes.

The first widow says, "John was very outdoorsman, enjoyed hiking, rock climbing and nature, so I'm going to sprea...

A recent widow, Elizabeth, gets dressed up in her mourning cloths and goes shopping for the week

She's known the butcher for years and says "Every year my husband insisted on a turkey for Easter. But now that he's dead, I can have whatever I want! I was thinking I'd do a nice roast or maybe a meatloaf. Is that traditional?"

The butcher just shakes his head. "No, black Betty. Ham or lamb...

I went to a funeral last week and the widow agreed to let me say a word ... 'BARGAIN', I shouted.

'Thanks', she said, 'That meant a great deal'.

After an astronaut fell into a black hole, an official from NASA was explaining the situation to his, now widowed, ex-wife.

"What do you mean he was spaghettified?" The widow interjects.

The official replies, "I'm sorry, Mam. Your husband has... Pasta way..."

Newspaper ad - RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE WITH THE FOLLOWING QUALIFICATIONS:

1. WON'T BEAT ME UP
2. WON'T RUN AWAY
3. HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED

For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was ringing constantly, she received tons of mail...all to no avail. None of the men seemed to meet her qualifications.

Then one day the doorbell rang yet...

A widow is attending her husbands funeral.

The dead mans best friend leans over to the widow and asks.

“Can I say a word”

“I would greatly appreciate that“

“Plethora”

“Thank you, that means a lot”

A woman goes to a fortune teller

As they sat there in the candlelit tent, the mystic waved their hands around the crystal ball, divining the woman’s future. Suddenly, the sooth-sayer’s hands went to their face and a gasp of horror escaped their mouth.

“I don’t know how to tell you this, so I’ll be blunt.” the fortune teller ...

I rolled up a newspaper to hit a black widow.

I was then removed from the funeral.

An old widower goes into a brothel

An old widower goes into a brothel.

"I want someone who reminds me of my deceased wife," he says.

"Certainly," the madam replies. "Now, was she blonde or brunette?"

"I don't remember." Says the widower.

"Well, was she short or tall?"

"I don't remember."
...

A very cheap widow goes to a newspaper industry to write a eulogy for her late husband

"Alright," says the newspaper guy. "I'm sorry for your loss. It'll be one dollar per word."

The widow clutches her heart in shock, then says, "Fine. 'Husband died'."

"Sorry, ma'am, but the eulogy has to be a minimum of five words."

The woman sighs in exasperation and replies, "F...

Dorothy and Edna, two senior widows, are talking.

Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date.
I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk
with you about him before I give him my answer."

Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment
punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in...

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A Farmer

A farmer decided he wanted to go to town and see a movie. As he approached, the ticket agent asked, “Sir, what’s that on your shoulder?”

The old farmer said, “That’s my pet rooster Chuck. Wherever I go, Chuck goes.”

“I’m sorry, sir,” said the ticket agent. “We can’t allow animals in th...

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How did Captain America lose track of Black Widow at the amusement park?

She was secretly Romanoff.

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A widowed mother of 3 is worried her children aren’t getting enough iron in their diet.

Not sure what to do, she mixes bb’s into their oatmeal. Later that day the first child comes running in the kitchen:

“Mama Mama - Guess what!?! I peed a bb!!”

“Oh, that’s good,” the mother assured, “that means you’re getting your iron.” And she gave the little tyke a cookie and sent ...

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A lonely 70-year-old widow decided that it was time to marry again...

She put an ad in the local newspaper that read: "Husband wanted! Must be in my age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me and must still be good in bed. All applicants please apply in person."

The following day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to se...

Joke (Dark) The widow in mourning.

My co-worker had just lost his wife.
After he came back to work, I went to speak to him and give my condolences.

Me: Really sorry to hear about your wife

Co-worker: It's OK, I will survive. This is not the first time it has happened.

I was surprised.

Me: Sorry, I did...

Widow: Doctor, why did my husband die?

Doctor: Heavy drug use, ma’am.

Widow: But he never used drugs in his life!

Doctor: But I do.

I was at the funeral of my friend Steve and started talking to his widow.

Me: "I'm sorry for your loss, at least he's not suffering anymore."

Her: "He was shot. The doctor said he died instantly."

Me: "I mean he doesn't have to deal with you now"

A pastor is trying to console a widower

"Tell me pastor is my wife going to be in heaven?" asks the concerned husband.

"Oh yes I'd say see most definitely is. She was always so close to the church and a devout Christian." says the pastor enthusiastically

"Well in that case tell me how do I go to hell?"

How do you kill a black widow?

You take away her food stamps.

A wealthy billionaire dies, and his final wish is to be buried with his money.

So, at the funeral reception, the widow is speaking with guests when the matter of the billionaire's last wish comes up. The widow confirms that she honored her late husband's request.

A friend says to the widow, "You really buried him with billions of dollars?!", and the widow replies, "O...

A man is at the funeral of an old friend.

He hesitantly approaches the deceased's wife and asks whether he can say a word. The widow nods. The man clears his throat and says, "Plethora."

The widow smiles appreciatively. "Thank you," she says. "That means a lot."

Another man comes up and says: "Mind if I say a word too?" She sa...

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A man gets bitten by a black widow

A man gets bitten by a black widow spider and he dies. When he arrives in Heaven, he meets God. He asks God, “God, there is something I just don’t understand. What is the purpose of making something so small, so powerful?” God replied, “I never saw you complain about your brain or your penis!”
...

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A widower heads down to the bar

And grabs a seat on a lonely stool. He orders a drink and takes out the newspaper.

A woman saddles up next to him and starts flirting. "Well hello there sir" she says with a smile.

He nods toward her and returns to his paper. "So do you come here often?" She presses on.

"Have...

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman... he's a guy who did everything right all the
time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like
that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not ...

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A husband of 50 years dies leaving his widow to prepare for his funeral. [NSFW]

The mortuary attendant calls the widow aside to consult her with an embarrassing problem. He hesitatingly explained that her husband died with an erection and the coffin would not shut. Without pause she told the attendant to cut off the member and stuff it up his anus.

Later during the wake,...

A mortician and a recent widow are in the morgue, her dead husband in a casket wearing a grey suit...

The widow says "Harold always liked a blue suit, like that man over there in the casket is wearing". The mortician says, "No problem M'am, I'll take care of it if you step out for a few minutes". Five minutes later, the mortician calls her back in and sure enough, her husband is wearing the blue s...

A new widow visits the funeral home

A woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband's funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit.

He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he's wearing?"

But she insists that it must be a ...

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Two elderly widows were on a walk. Ethel said, "Well, Mabel, I've been reading these Cosmopolitan magazines at the doctor's office. But all they talk about is 'mutual orgasm'. Mutual orgasm here and mutual orgasm there. Mabel, when your husband was alive, did you two ever have mutual orgasm?"

Mabel thought for a long while. Finally, she shook her head and said, "No, I think we had State Farm."

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A widow places an ad in the paper

"Lover Wanted: must not run around behind my back, must not beat me, and most importantly, must be good in bed!"

A few days later, her doorbell rings. Excited, she rushes to the door and yanks it open, only to find a man with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair.

"Who are you?" She ...

A Black Widow joke

Q: How do you kill a Black Widow?

A: You take away her food stamps

Was told his one at a family reunion, don't know how old but thought it was funny as hell!

The best way to avoid getting bitten by a black widow...

...is not wearing a red tie to her Crip husband's funeral.

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An active and successful widowed man finds himself at the end of his days in an upscale assisted living home.

His consoling and rich friends came to spend the last days with the man. While he was still coherent, they decide to hire him a hooker for a final hurrah.

They make the arrangements and the beautiful bubbly woman arrives at the nursing home for the assist a while later. She tells the man “Yo...

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Ms. Nugent, a retired widow went to the beach wearing a bra and thong.

Her husband had died a few years back and after years of mourning she decided it was time to get back in the game. And what better way than to go to the beach in a racy, sexy swimsuit to snag a man. In her youth, this plan never seemed to fail although in that time, they didn't have thongs.

A...

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Colonel Custer's widow [NSFW, language]

Heard this on the Sopranos, hopefully won't screw it up.

A few weeks after his death, Col. Custer's widow felt it necessary to commemorate her late husband. She found one of the best painters of the time and asked him to paint a mural of Custer's final moments. A month goes by and the paintin...

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Two widows go to the cemetery everyday...

... One of them spends all her time crying by the grave of her late husband. The other one just stands on the gravestone of her respective husband and urinates all over it.
So, the first one found the behaviour of the second one weird, went to her and asked:
"Did you hate him that much that y...

Piece of British humour for you.

A woman goes to the funeral home to visit her late husband whose funeral is the next day.

Upon seeing the body, she says to the funeral director, “Oh, no, you've dressed him in a blue suit! He hated blue and I've given all his other suits to charity!”

The funeral director says, “I'm no...

Poor old Paddy had died. (NSFW)

Paddy had dropped over from a heart attack! After the funeral, one of his widow's friends dropped by to see how she was holding up. The mostly sat in the parlor and chatted, but the smell of something cooking aroused the friend's curiosity, so she wandered over to the stove and lifted the lid on t...

This year in Heaven the Christmas celebration was also a costume party. Everyone dressed up.

Many people came as movie characters, from Gandalf the Grey (and White) to Jason Bourne to Black Widow to Harry Potter. Alan Rickman went as Hans Gruber, which made St. Peter exclaim "See, Die Hard IS a Christmas movie!" St. Peter was dressed as the "Fragile" lamp from A Christmas Story. Moses showe...

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Just got bit by a black widow...

People are fucking crazy.

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An old widower living alone in the country wanted to plant his pepper garden, but the ground was too hard and he was too old to do the work. His only son who use to help him was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation:

Dear Vincent,
I've been very depressed lately because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my peppers this year. You know how much your mother loved planting peppers this time of year, but I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over...

A man who just died is delivered to the mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit...

.... The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit.
She ...

Widow in the woods

Steve is sitting around, watching TV, when his old hunting pal, Joe, calls him up.

"Hey Steve, how are you?"

"Oh, I'm good."

"Do you remember that hunting trip 7 years ago, the one where we got lost?"

"Oh, yeah."

"And do you remember when we found that beautiful w...

"This is the hardest part of our job," said the police officer after Adam was pronounced dead in the accident.

"Yeah, but break the news slowly. His wife is a very sensitive person."

The police officer knocks on the door and Adam's wife opens it.

"Are you Adam's widow?" said the police.

The Lonely Widow

Jack and Joe go on a road trip, but after driving for an hour, the car breaks down. They get it working, but they're seriously delayed and will never make it to the hotel they were going to stay at in time.

Upon seeing a farmhouse just off the road, they drive in, and ask if they can park in ...

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is all the time?

A widow.

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A wealthy widow decides to get remarried.

So she decides to post an ad in the newspaper.

I am a wealthy widow looking for a new husband. All I ask are three things. 1: he musn't beat me. 2: he musn't walk over me. 3: he must be good in bed. Apply in person at xxx widow's peak.

At 8:00 am the following day, her doorbell rang. W...

The Farmer and the Widow

(Got forwarded this from a co-worker)

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic’s shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far away and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gall...

What seasoning does a widowed cannibal use?

Old Bae

What does a widow say when she wakes up?

Mourning

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The hardest part of having sex again after you have recently been widowed is....

Gettin there before the rigor mortis sets in.

Why did the newly widowed woman stop paying her mortgage?

For closure.

One time Lenin's widow, Nadezhda Krupskaya, visits an elementary school.

The schoolchildren asked her to tell them a story Vladimir Lenin.

"Children, you should know about Lenin's great kindness." she says with eyes misty.
"I remember once he was shaving his beard outside of home, and a little child was passing by & asked him (What are you doing, Mr Lenin...

I am a widower three times over.....

My first wife died when she ate some poisonous mushrooms from the yard.
My second wife died from eating the same mushrooms.
My third wife fell down the stairs because she wouldnt eat the mushrooms.

A rich old man died

His widow arrived at the funeral home to meet with the mortician. “Fortunately he was dressed in this fine black suit when he passed, perfect for his burial “ he said. “Yes” replied the widow “he does look good, but I’ve alway thought he looked best in blue”. From her purse she pulled a blank check ...

A guy unfortunately becomes a widower, wants to put an obituary in the local paper...

... He rings them up, asks how much it costs.
"One dollar per word", says the clerk.
"Ok, here's the message: "Martha dead"
The clerk pauses and replies:
"You know, people normally say a bit more. If it's the price, yaknow, we have a special on now, pay for 3, get 3 free."
"...

A widower man dies and goes to heaven...

... when he gets there his wife, full of joy, comes to greet him.
"I'm so excited, I couldn't wait to be with you again"
The man replies
"A deal is a deal honey, they told me: "until death do us apart""

I approached the grieving widow at the funeral.

"Tell me my dear, what were his final words?"

She sniffled and feebly replied.

"You don't scare me with that gun Martha, you couldn't hit the broad side of a barn!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old widow was searching for love

...when she decided to move her search online. There, she found an old man about her age, who had also lost his spouse years earlier. They exchanged a few messages and decided to meet one day in a park. Upon meeting, they both realized that they were extremely compatible and started talking about ta...

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