An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time.

Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.

Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.

They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

Finally, the old gentleman decided...

A new widow is talking to the funeral director

She says, "Lying over there is my John, God rest his soul. And he's laid out in his favorite brown suit. I kept my promise to send him here with that suit, but he looks awful in brown."

"Here's $200. I want you to get him a blue suit for the viewing and funeral."

The undertaker says he...

Me: You know, the female black widow spider kills the male spider after mating. I don’t understand why?

Wife: I’m pretty sure it’s to stop the male from snoring before it starts

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A widowed Jewish lady was sunbathing on a beach in Fort Myers, Florida.

She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand next to hers and began reading a book. Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello, sir, how are you today?"

"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.
...

A priest, a doctor, and the deceased's widow are talking after the funeral. [Long]

A priest, a doctor, and the deceased's widow are talking after the funeral. The priest says, "I have something I need to confess. Before he died, your husband gave me an envelope with $250,000 in it and requested I place it in the casket with him. I know he was rich and loved his money, so I swore t...

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To my future wife and widow :

when I die I want you to mix my ashes with a bowl of chili, then eat it. Just so that I can tear that ass up one more time.

A man walks up to the Widow at a funeral and asks if he can say a word.

"Of course", she replies.

The man plucks up the courage and says, "Bargain".

The Widow looks at him, teary eyed and says,

"Thank you so much, that means a great deal".

The class of 1950 gets together for their class reunion. Not many people are left, but two of the 10 people to attend were Harry, an 88 year old widower, and Esther, an 87 year old divorcee.

Over the course of the evening, they had a great time chatting about old times and their families. They each felt a real connection and by the time the night was out, Harry had proposed and Esther has happily accepted.

The next morning, Harry woke up and was frustrated to realize that he cou...

I gave my late uncles widow a watch for her birthday.

Now shes just my uncles widow.

Black Widow is just the right amount of hot.

In other words, Natasha Warm Enough.

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Did you hear about the widower who cries when he masturbates?

Quite the tear jerker.

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A widow, Claire, was looking to move away from the city, and looked for a small town to live her final years in.

She drove a few hours out into the countryside to find a good place to move into. Eventually she came by Barkstown, and this peculiar name piqued her curiosity.

She drove in and was amazed by the amount of dogs there were in this town, but she was getting hungry from not eating all day.
...

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I was at this funeral and after we went to house for the wake and I was a bit bored so I went up to the widow and I asked her "Can I have the wi-fi code?" She replied "Don't you think that's inappropriate you, short fat bald wanker".....

I said "Is that all in lowercase ?"

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A Widow Finds Love

A widow lost her husband a few years ago and has decided she’s ready to start dating again. So she decides to put an Ad in the newspaper which reads:

“60 year old Woman for Man looking for a second chance at love. I want someone who will not hit me, will not run out on me, and must be good in...

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Two old widowers

Two old friends, both widowers, are sitting on a bench recounting the days of their youth and discussing what they've done in life.

Widower 1: My only regret is that I cheated on my wife early on in our marriage. I can only admit it now as my wife is no longer alive. I was young and foolish a...

A recent widow, Elizabeth, gets dressed up in her mourning cloths and goes shopping for the week

She's known the butcher for years and says "Every year my husband insisted on a turkey for Easter. But now that he's dead, I can have whatever I want! I was thinking I'd do a nice roast or maybe a meatloaf. Is that traditional?"

The butcher just shakes his head. "No, black Betty. Ham or lamb...

A millionaire widow wants to remarry

So she goes to the local newspaper to place an ad (old I know). The ad reads: “Millionaire Widow looking for a husband, only 3 requirements:
To never hit me, to never leave me and to be well endowed.”
She goes home and early the next day she hears the door bell, goes to her master bedroom wind...

Why do the avengers make Black Widow share her location on her phone?

To stop her from Romanoff

Two elderly widows, Dolores and Mary, met at a restaurant after a heavy rain.

Both were smokers, but they arrived drenched from head to toe. Dolores noticed that Mary’s cigarette was still dry because it had a covering. Dolores said "Mary, what's that on your cigarette?" Mary responded "It's a condom. I buy them at the drugstore to keep my cigarettes dry on rainy days." D...

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman... he's a guy who did everything right all the
time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like
that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not ...

A widow sees a man sunbathing at the poolside of her country club

She approaches him: "Excuse me. I don't think I've seen you here before. Are you new?"

"As a matter of fact, I am." he says. "I was in prison for 30 years."

"For what?" she asks

"I murdered my wife." he responds.

"Oh!" She exclaims. "So you're single!"

I recently became a widower.

...if everything had gone as planned.

The merry widow dies and goes to heaven

When she gets to the pearly gates she asks if she can be reunited with her late husband.
St Peter: "What's his name?"
Her: "Ted Smith."
St Peter: "We've got many, many Ted Smiths up here. Help me narrow it down. Where was he buried and what were his last words?"
Her: "He was bur...

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An elderly woman passes, leaving her life-long husband a lonely widower.

As time goes on, his life begins to unravel as he spirals into a pit of despair. This does not go unnoticed by his adult children, who grasp at any opportunity to cheer him up. Finally, one of them convinces him to grudgingly attend an evening game at the local bingo hall, knowing that he'll be in t...

A man sat down next to a grieving widow at her husband's funeral.

He says to the widow, "Is it alright if I say a word?"

When the widow agreed, the man stood up and cleared his throat loudly.

"Plethora", the man said. He promptly sat back down.

The grieving widow told him, "Thank you, that means a lot."

A wealthy billionaire dies, and his final wish is to be buried with his money.

So, at the funeral reception, the widow is speaking with guests when the matter of the billionaire's last wish comes up. The widow confirms that she honored her late husband's request.

A friend says to the widow, "You really buried him with billions of dollars?!", and the widow replies, "O...

I went to a funeral last week and the widow agreed to let me say a word ... 'BARGAIN', I shouted.

'Thanks', she said, 'That meant a great deal'.

Dorothy and Edna, two senior widows, are talking.

Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date.
I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk
with you about him before I give him my answer."

Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment
punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in...

Poor old Paddy had died. (NSFW)

Paddy had dropped over from a heart attack! After the funeral, one of his widow's friends dropped by to see how she was holding up. The mostly sat in the parlor and chatted, but the smell of something cooking aroused the friend's curiosity, so she wandered over to the stove and lifted the lid on t...

Should I ever encounter a black widow with the opportunity to seduce and betray her, my final words to her would be

“For all the men that came before me”

9 months later!!!

John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith. So they loaded up John's minivan and headed north.

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm
and asked the attractive lady who answered the
door if they could spend the nigh...

A man is at the funeral of an old friend.

He hesitantly approaches the deceased's wife and asks whether he can say a word. The widow nods. The man clears his throat and says, "Plethora."

The widow smiles appreciatively. "Thank you," she says. "That means a lot."

Another man comes up and says: "Mind if I say a word too?" She sa...

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There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.

One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no address.

He thought he should open it to see what it was about.

The letter read: “Dear God, I am an 83-year-old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was a...

A widow is attending her husbands funeral.

The dead mans best friend leans over to the widow and asks.

“Can I say a word”

“I would greatly appreciate that“

“Plethora”

“Thank you, that means a lot”

A widow at a funeral

The widow takes a look at her dear departed one right before the funeral and, to her horror, finds that he's in his brown suit. She'd specifically said to the undertaker that she wanted him buried in his blue suit; she'd brought it especially for that occasion, and she was distressed that the mortic...

A wife who's husband is dead is called a widow. A husband, however is called:

Free

Three guys are working on an oil rig ...

Three roughnecks - John, Lonnie, and Donnie - were working on a rig in the oilfield...
While they were working one day, John falls off the rig tower and is killed instantly. As the ambulance picks up his dead body and drives away, Lonnie says, "Somebody needs to go and tell his wife." Donnie repl...

I’m worried I’ve become very obsessed with Wonder Woman, Black Widow and Captain Marvel lately.

I think I might be a heroine addict.

Just before the funeral service, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,

"How old was your husband?"

"Ninety-eight," she replied. "Two years older than I am."

"So you're ninety-six," the undertaker said.

She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"

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How did Captain America lose track of Black Widow at the amusement park?

She was secretly Romanoff.

A man walks up to a widow at a funeral.

He asks "May I say something?"

The widow said "Of course."

The man stands up, calls the attention of the house, and says "Plethora" and sits back down.

The widow turns to the man and smiles "thanks. That means a lot"

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A widowed mother of 3 is worried her children aren’t getting enough iron in their diet.

Not sure what to do, she mixes bb’s into their oatmeal. Later that day the first child comes running in the kitchen:

“Mama Mama - Guess what!?! I peed a bb!!”

“Oh, that’s good,” the mother assured, “that means you’re getting your iron.” And she gave the little tyke a cookie and sent ...

This year in Heaven the Christmas celebration was also a costume party. Everyone dressed up.

Many people came as movie characters, from Gandalf the Grey (and White) to Jason Bourne to Black Widow to Harry Potter. Alan Rickman went as Hans Gruber, which made St. Peter exclaim "See, Die Hard IS a Christmas movie!" St. Peter was dressed as the "Fragile" lamp from A Christmas Story. Moses showe...

Newspaper ad - RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE WITH THE FOLLOWING QUALIFICATIONS:

1. WON'T BEAT ME UP
2. WON'T RUN AWAY
3. HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED

For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was ringing constantly, she received tons of mail...all to no avail. None of the men seemed to meet her qualifications.

Then one day the doorbell rang yet...

Social Security

To Whom It May Concern,

I would like to ask the Social Security Administration about my case.

I got married in 1962 to a widow, who had han adult daughter. My father visited us frequently, and as a result, he married my stepdaughter.

After this, my stepdaughter became my step...

A pastor is trying to console a widower

"Tell me pastor is my wife going to be in heaven?" asks the concerned husband.

"Oh yes I'd say see most definitely is. She was always so close to the church and a devout Christian." says the pastor enthusiastically

"Well in that case tell me how do I go to hell?"

I rolled up a newspaper to hit a black widow.

I was then removed from the funeral.

Joke (Dark) The widow in mourning.

My co-worker had just lost his wife.
After he came back to work, I went to speak to him and give my condolences.

Me: Really sorry to hear about your wife

Co-worker: It's OK, I will survive. This is not the first time it has happened.

I was surprised.

Me: Sorry, I did...

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A widow puts out an ad for a man...

She put out an ad for a man that would not beat her, not run away, and could satisfy her sexually. A few days later the doorbell rings. And in the doorway is a man with no arms or legs. He told her he was there to answer her ad, and she asked him why he thought he fit the criteria.

"Well, I h...

A very cheap widow goes to a newspaper industry to write a eulogy for her late husband

"Alright," says the newspaper guy. "I'm sorry for your loss. It'll be one dollar per word."

The widow clutches her heart in shock, then says, "Fine. 'Husband died'."

"Sorry, ma'am, but the eulogy has to be a minimum of five words."

The woman sighs in exasperation and replies, "F...

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A lonely 70-year-old widow decided that it was time to marry again...

She put an ad in the local newspaper that read: "Husband wanted! Must be in my age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me and must still be good in bed. All applicants please apply in person."

The following day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to se...

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Three widows are at a crematory collecting their deceased husband's ashes...

Three widows are at a crematory collecting their deceased husband's ashes and after mourning for some time, they begin to talk about what they plan to do with their lover's ashes.

The first widow says, "John was very outdoorsman, enjoyed hiking, rock climbing and nature, so I'm going to sprea...

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A husband of 50 years dies leaving his widow to prepare for his funeral. [NSFW]

The mortuary attendant calls the widow aside to consult her with an embarrassing problem. He hesitatingly explained that her husband died with an erection and the coffin would not shut. Without pause she told the attendant to cut off the member and stuff it up his anus.

Later during the wake,...

Widow: Doctor, why did my husband die?

Doctor: Heavy drug use, ma’am.

Widow: But he never used drugs in his life!

Doctor: But I do.

I was at the funeral of my friend Steve and started talking to his widow.

Me: "I'm sorry for your loss, at least he's not suffering anymore."

Her: "He was shot. The doctor said he died instantly."

Me: "I mean he doesn't have to deal with you now"

Piece of British humour for you.

A woman goes to the funeral home to visit her late husband whose funeral is the next day.

Upon seeing the body, she says to the funeral director, “Oh, no, you've dressed him in a blue suit! He hated blue and I've given all his other suits to charity!”

The funeral director says, “I'm no...

A rich old man died

His widow arrived at the funeral home to meet with the mortician. “Fortunately he was dressed in this fine black suit when he passed, perfect for his burial “ he said. “Yes” replied the widow “he does look good, but I’ve alway thought he looked best in blue”. From her purse she pulled a blank check ...

An old widower goes into a brothel

An old widower goes into a brothel.

"I want someone who reminds me of my deceased wife," he says.

"Certainly," the madam replies. "Now, was she blonde or brunette?"

"I don't remember." Says the widower.

"Well, was she short or tall?"

"I don't remember."
...

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There's an old widow sitting in her rocking chair

There's an old widow is sitting in her rocking chair. One day, sitting in her rocking chair, she says to herself "It's about darn time I got married!" So she stands up and walks to the computer and posts an ad on Craigslist.

The ad says: "HUSBAND WANTED! He must never beat me, he must never ...

An avid skydiver dies in a skydiving accident.

At the funeral a friend approaches the widow.

"It was a tragic accident" the friend says, "but at least he died doing something he loved."

"Not really" replied the widow.

"I thought he loved skydiving" replied the friend

"Oh, he loved skydiving" said the widow, "He hated...

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A man gets bitten by a black widow

A man gets bitten by a black widow spider and he dies. When he arrives in Heaven, he meets God. He asks God, “God, there is something I just don’t understand. What is the purpose of making something so small, so powerful?” God replied, “I never saw you complain about your brain or your penis!”
...

A biker stopped by the

local Harley shop to have his bike repaired. They couldn’t do the work while he waited, and so, since he didn’t live far from the shop, he decided to walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He stopped at the feed store / livestock dealer and p...

A mortician and a recent widow are in the morgue, her dead husband in a casket wearing a grey suit...

The widow says "Harold always liked a blue suit, like that man over there in the casket is wearing". The mortician says, "No problem M'am, I'll take care of it if you step out for a few minutes". Five minutes later, the mortician calls her back in and sure enough, her husband is wearing the blue s...

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Nice dog...

A man was walking down the street when he observed a funeral passing by. The strange procession consisted of two hearses, followed by a man walking a dog. Behind him were about 20 men of all descriptions, marching along in step. The guy watching all of this was so puzzled by the odd parade that h...

A young man stood at the side of the road and hailed a taxi. When he got in, the driver said, "Well, that was perfect timing. You're a lot like Frank." The passenger asks, "Who's Frank?" The taxidriver explains, "Frank Feldman. He also had perfect timing and was always there at just the right time."

"Ok, but nobody's perfect. Everybody makes mistakes once in a while," says the passenger." "No, no, not Frank Feldman!" replies the Taxi driver. "He was great at everything, sports too. If he'd played tennis, he probably would have won Wimbledon. He would have blown pro golfers out of the water as w...

I don't mind being divorced.

But I'd rather be widowed.

A man who'd just died is delivered to a local mortuary

... and he's wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed, pointing out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband lo...

What would have happened had it been Khrushchev instead of Kennedy that was assassinated?

Dunno about politics, but I'm really sure Onassis would not have married the widow.

How do you kill a black widow?

You take away her food stamps.

The Wrong E-mail Address

A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years ago. Because both had jobs, they found it difficult coordinating their travel
schedules. It w...

most british joke from quora

Fred was a popular man, but sadly he passed away. His friends and widow gathered to remember him,

Fred’s best friend gets up and says to the widow, “May I just say a word?”

“Of course,” she says.

“Plethora,” he says and sits down.

“Thank you,” says the widow, “that means ...

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A widow places an ad in the paper

"Lover Wanted: must not run around behind my back, must not beat me, and most importantly, must be good in bed!"

A few days later, her doorbell rings. Excited, she rushes to the door and yanks it open, only to find a man with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair.

"Who are you?" She ...

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Two elderly widows were on a walk. Ethel said, "Well, Mabel, I've been reading these Cosmopolitan magazines at the doctor's office. But all they talk about is 'mutual orgasm'. Mutual orgasm here and mutual orgasm there. Mabel, when your husband was alive, did you two ever have mutual orgasm?"

Mabel thought for a long while. Finally, she shook her head and said, "No, I think we had State Farm."

A new widow visits the funeral home

A woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband's funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit.

He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he's wearing?"

But she insists that it must be a ...

Brad and Mike are two old reti

Brad and Mike are two old retired widowers who reside close to each other and do constant welfare checks on each other. Much of their relationship is based on pragmatism rather than real friendship or personal affection.
One day, as he drinks his morning coffee, Mike opens the morning paper and t...

I'm trying to learn English. They told me "I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, but I'm still confused.

Can anybody please tell me why the widow got mad at me at the funeral?

A cowhand rides into town and sees a "Help Wanted" poster outside the saloon.

"Man wanted for general farm duties," he reads. "Must be strong, capable, experienced in animal handling and willing to learn. Apply to Widow Sallet, Sallet Farm, two miles east of town."

So he goes along to the farm, as it sounds like steady work and he's tired of living hand to mouth, and f...

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A widower heads down to the bar

And grabs a seat on a lonely stool. He orders a drink and takes out the newspaper.

A woman saddles up next to him and starts flirting. "Well hello there sir" she says with a smile.

He nods toward her and returns to his paper. "So do you come here often?" She presses on.

"Have...

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An active and successful widowed man finds himself at the end of his days in an upscale assisted living home.

His consoling and rich friends came to spend the last days with the man. While he was still coherent, they decide to hire him a hooker for a final hurrah.

They make the arrangements and the beautiful bubbly woman arrives at the nursing home for the assist a while later. She tells the man “Yo...

The best way to avoid getting bitten by a black widow...

...is not wearing a red tie to her Crip husband's funeral.

A Black Widow joke

Q: How do you kill a Black Widow?

A: You take away her food stamps

Was told his one at a family reunion, don't know how old but thought it was funny as hell!

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Ms. Nugent, a retired widow went to the beach wearing a bra and thong.

Her husband had died a few years back and after years of mourning she decided it was time to get back in the game. And what better way than to go to the beach in a racy, sexy swimsuit to snag a man. In her youth, this plan never seemed to fail although in that time, they didn't have thongs.

A...

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Two widows go to the cemetery everyday...

... One of them spends all her time crying by the grave of her late husband. The other one just stands on the gravestone of her respective husband and urinates all over it.
So, the first one found the behaviour of the second one weird, went to her and asked:
"Did you hate him that much that y...

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Colonel Custer's widow [NSFW, language]

Heard this on the Sopranos, hopefully won't screw it up.

A few weeks after his death, Col. Custer's widow felt it necessary to commemorate her late husband. She found one of the best painters of the time and asked him to paint a mural of Custer's final moments. A month goes by and the paintin...

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is all the time?

A widow.

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Just got bit by a black widow...

People are fucking crazy.

Patrick O’Leary passed away at his job at the brewery.

His workmates realized that they would have to be the ones to inform his widow of his passing.

They trooped over to Patrick’s cottage at the end of their shift and solemnly gathered in a semicircle before the door. The foreman politely knocked. Mrs. O’Leary opened it, and looked at the assemb...

"This is the hardest part of our job," said the police officer after Adam was pronounced dead in the accident.

"Yeah, but break the news slowly. His wife is a very sensitive person."

The police officer knocks on the door and Adam's wife opens it.

"Are you Adam's widow?" said the police.

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Three construction workers are sitting on a scaffolding eating lunch.

An electrician, a bricklayer, and a welder are sitting on a high rise scaffolding on their lunch break. They all open their lunches to find baloney sandwiches. The electrician sighs and says

"I hate baloney, my wife knows I hate baloney, yet every day I end up with this sandwich. If I get on...

The Lonely Widow

Jack and Joe go on a road trip, but after driving for an hour, the car breaks down. They get it working, but they're seriously delayed and will never make it to the hotel they were going to stay at in time.

Upon seeing a farmhouse just off the road, they drive in, and ask if they can park in ...

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A wealthy widow decides to get remarried.

So she decides to post an ad in the newspaper.

I am a wealthy widow looking for a new husband. All I ask are three things. 1: he musn't beat me. 2: he musn't walk over me. 3: he must be good in bed. Apply in person at xxx widow's peak.

At 8:00 am the following day, her doorbell rang. W...

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An old widower living alone in the country wanted to plant his pepper garden, but the ground was too hard and he was too old to do the work. His only son who use to help him was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation:

Dear Vincent,
I've been very depressed lately because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my peppers this year. You know how much your mother loved planting peppers this time of year, but I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over...

Blonde Construction Worker

Every day, three construction workers, one Mexican, one Italian, and one blonde, climb up to the highest steel girder in the building that they are all working on and eat their lunch.

One day, the Mexican worker opens up his lunchbox and sees that yet again his wife has packed him bean burrit...

A woman was taking her late husband to the undertakers.

He was wearing his best suit, a charcoal grey suit. The woman knew it was her husbands dying wish to be buried in a blue suit, something that they had never been able to afford when he was alive. So, she told the undertaker about her husband's wish, acknowledging that she couldn't afford a new suit,...

What does a widow say when she wakes up?

Mourning

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General Custer

General Custer just died at his infamous last stand, his wife, making funeral arrangements speaks to his best friend who was also at the battle. " You we there in his final moments, I want you to make his tombstone commemorating his final thoughts and wishes." Mrs. Custer says, thinking it's thoug...

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The hardest part of having sex again after you have recently been widowed is....

Gettin there before the rigor mortis sets in.

Widow in the woods

Steve is sitting around, watching TV, when his old hunting pal, Joe, calls him up.

"Hey Steve, how are you?"

"Oh, I'm good."

"Do you remember that hunting trip 7 years ago, the one where we got lost?"

"Oh, yeah."

"And do you remember when we found that beautiful w...

A funeral

A long funeral procession, a casket drawn by a horse and a long procession of women following. Another woman standing at the side of the road asks what must be the grieving widow "What happened?" "Well", said the widow", it's my man. His horse reared up, dropped him and stepped on him. My husband di...

Patient's last words

A seriously ill patient is lying on a hospital bed with an oxygen mask,

Plug the tube. Suddenly, the patient began to twitch and his mouth was squirming. There seems to be something to say. Upon seeing this, the pastor standing nearby bent down and asked softly Said: "Do you want to say somet...

One time Lenin's widow, Nadezhda Krupskaya, visits an elementary school.

The schoolchildren asked her to tell them a story Vladimir Lenin.

"Children, you should know about Lenin's great kindness." she says with eyes misty.
"I remember once he was shaving his beard outside of home, and a little child was passing by & asked him (What are you doing, Mr Lenin...

I am a widower three times over.....

My first wife died when she ate some poisonous mushrooms from the yard.
My second wife died from eating the same mushrooms.
My third wife fell down the stairs because she wouldnt eat the mushrooms.

A widower man dies and goes to heaven...

... when he gets there his wife, full of joy, comes to greet him.
"I'm so excited, I couldn't wait to be with you again"
The man replies
"A deal is a deal honey, they told me: "until death do us apart""

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