"Hey Dad, why is my sister called Teresa?"

"Because your mum loves easter and it's an anagram of easter !"

"Thanks dad !"

"No problem Alan"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My wife told me I had a small penis, so I said it was big enough to hurt her.

“There isn’t a woman in the world that would be hurt by that thing,” she said.

I then showed her a video of me fucking her sister.

"A cannibal once took my sister to see a Russell Crowe film"

"Gladiator?"

"No, I really miss her"

After years of complaining from my wife, I finally found the G-spot.

Turns out her sister had it all along...

Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."

Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ."

Kid 1: "As if."

Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."

Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."

Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

The Teacher Asked the Class to Name Something that Ends in -Tor and Eats Things.

Gabe raised his hand first. He said, "Predator."

"Clever answer! They sure eat things!" The teacher told him.

Next, Dylan raised his hand. "Oh! I know! Raptor!"

"You are very smart! Raptors eat many different things," the teacher said.

Then, little Timmy answered. "Vibrat...

What's the best part about banging your cousin?

It makes your sister jealous

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A young boy walks in on his sister masturbating with a vibrator.

Innocent and confused about the anatomy, he asks, "What are you doing? Where is your penis?"

​

Not wanting to explain the real stuff, the sister replied, "I lost mine in an accident. I was just massaging the wound. "

​

The boy says, "You should learn...

My sisters so rude...

Yesterday I was just minding my own business and she asks me
"Hey can you tell me what a lake in a desert is?"

Startled, I ignored her question and quickly said
"Oh hey sis!"

And then she just said thanks and left. I can't believe some girls.

Dirty sister

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly said, "That part where the hair has grown is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair." The girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister, "My monkey has grow...

A guy is about to get married the next day when his bride’s sister offers an interesting proposition....

As he’s sitting on the couch, she confesses she has had a crush on him for a long time, and wants one time with him—no one will ever know.

She says “Don’t answer now. If you’re interested come upstairs to my room. If not, you can leave or whatever, no problem.”

She goes upstairs and h...

My wife divorced me because I accidentally put it in the wrong hole

Fair enough it was her sister's but still...

A blonde recieve a phone call at work, after which she breaks down, crying in her office.

Upon noticing her condition, her boss come in to find out what had happened.
"What is the matter, why are you so sad about?", the concerned boss asks the crying woman.
"I just heard that my mother has passed away", the blonde manage to stutter between sobs.
"Oh you poor thing, I'm so sorry ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them "Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question."

Please form a single-file line. And they do so. St. Peter turns to the first Nun in the line and asks her "Sister, have you ever touched a penis?" The Sister Responds "Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger..." St. Peter says "Alright Sis...

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch

Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to anothe...

My sister asked me to bring something hard to write on...

I don’t know why she got mad. I mean, sand’s pretty hard to write on.

My little sister is WAY into frozen too much

I told her to let it go

My sister asked me what this rope is for

But I left her hanging

If Michelle Obama was Barack Obama’s sister where would they live?

Al-Obama

When I was 6, my sister was half my age. Now I’m 70, how old is my sister?

3. My mother became anti-vaxx.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Wife: Does this dress make me look fat? Me: You promise not to get mad no matter what i say? Wife: Yes

Me: I fucked your sister

What do you say to your sister when shes crying?

Are you having a crisis?

My sister is openly vegan

But she says that she loves her boyfriend's meat

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Don't you just hate it when your girlfriend has a twin sister..

and you get confused and fuck her dad.

“Dad, why is my sisters name Rose?”

“Because your mom loves roses.”

“Thanks dad!”

“You’re welcome BJ.”

My sister bet me 15$ that I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti.

You should of seen the look on her face as I drove pasta.

A friend got mad at me for smelling his sister's underwear.

I don't know if it was because she was still wearingthem or because the rest of the family was there. Either way it made the rest of the funeral very awkward.

My sister always likes to take the stairs, whereas I always prefer the elevator.

I guess we’re raised differently.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A girl tells her sister about her sexcapades.

She told her blonde sister that she finally did something she always dreamt of doing. She said to her, "I finally fucked a Brazilian." Her sister was amazed! "Oh my god!" she said, "How many is a brazilian?"

My sister asked me if I knew if a particular egg was bad...

I told her I wouldn't know, since in not an Eggspert.

She didn't get it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was fucking my sister and she says, “Wow, you fuck like dad”

I was like, “That’s what mom said”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A fathers child just came home from school, his dad said “what did you learn today?” The son replied “We learned two words hypothetically and realistically but I’m not sure what they mean.” He said “go ask your mom and sister if they would sleep with a man for a million dollars.” They both said yes.

His Father said, “Hypothetically we have two million dollars, realistically we live with 2 whores.“

When your sister says daddy pass the salt...

...and you, your dad, her boyfriend, your uncle, and your cousin all grab the salt.

Just waiting for my sister at Heathrow Airport,

as I saw her emerge in arrivals I shouted, "Hi sis, " Never seen as many armed police appear as quickly in my life!

My sister came in my room and said this

Ok, so say ketchup and liquor after each sentence ok?


What did you eat for breakfast?

ketchup and liquor


What did you eat for dinner?

ketchup and liquor


What do you do when a girl runs

...
Nice

What kind of pictures do u get when ur plant's sister eats the camera

Photos in the sis

TIFU by doing BDSM with my wife's sister, when she suddenly walked into our activity

Whoops, wrong sub.

My sister is really indecisive when choosing anything. So when I bought her that red phone cover she wanted she returned it and got a blue one, then returned that one for the red one again!

I knew that would be the case.

After his wife passed away, he stopped wearing his glasses. His sister saw him and exclaimed: “Aww it must be so hard for you, nothing is worth seeing anymore after she’s gone?”

He said: “What? No, I sold her jewelry and paid for a Lasik surgery.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man and his wife were getting dressed for a big event. After putting on her dress, she asked her husband, "does this dress make my ass look fat?"

The husband sighed, and asked his wife, "Honey, do you promise me you won't get mad, no matter how I answer?"

His wife said, "I promise, I'll never bring it up again."

The husband looked her over and said, "I fucked your sister."

[NSFW] My sister asked me for something hard to write on.

I gave her a clipboard. I’m such a nice brother.

If Tinkerbell had a Latina sister, what would her name be?

Taco Bell.

Why do the Sisters in a convent not trust their gut instincts?

It's usually just nunsense!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I caught my sister masturbating with a cucumber last night. I was going to eat it...

but now her pussy will just taste like a cucumber.

I saw my sister sobbing in her room, worried that her Philosophy degree might be worthless in today’s job market.

I said, “Are you having an existential cry, sis?”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Drinking non alcoholic beer is like giving oral sex to your sister

It tastes similar, But you know it's wrong.

My sister wanted to have “fun” with me, I didn’t want to but...

She incested

A boy asks his Dad one day.

"Dad, why is my sister called Paris?"

His Dad replies, "Because she was conceived in Paris."

The boy says, "Ahh, thanks Dad."

His Dad says, "You're welcome, Backseat."

My sister wanted to be a model but she was too small.

So she became a scale model.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My beautiful girlfriend had a twin sister that looked exactly like her. Went over to her house one night but I got confused...

And fucked her dad

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Honest Confession

This is long, have patience and read it without skipping to the end! :D

A confession in a Facebook page read :

"My sister is a hottie."

Wow... okay, I wasn't sure if I was ever going to tell anyone about this, but it's late and I am sleep deprived so I guess I'll write it now an...

There were three sisters and all were wondering how they got their names

So the first one goes, “mommy, why is my name rose?” Mom says, “because a rose fell on your head when you were born” second sister says, “mommy, why is my name tiara?” Mom says, “because a tiara fell on your head when u were born”. The last sister goes, “BLAHWARADURGABAAAA!!” And the mom says, “shut...

My sister asked me to remove her clothes.

So I took off her shirt.

Then she said, "Take off my skirt."

I took off her skirt."Take off my shoes."

I took off her shoes.

"Now take off my bra and panties."

and so I took them off.

Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my thin...

My (blonde) sister hates blonde jokes. I (redhead) told her I have a redhead joke for her. She was eager to hear it!

A redhead goes for a drive through the country, just enjoying the peaceful ride with her windows open. She has to stop as a shepherd is moving his flock across the road. The redhead gets out of her car to stretch and has an idea.

"Hey Mister! If I can guess how many sheep you have, may I keep...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two Nuns, a Man and a Marketplace

Two young nuns go to the market in the middle of the afternoon to buy some fruit and nuts for the Christmas punch.

The market was very crowded and their shopping trip takes much longer than anticipated.

- **Sister Diana:** Sister Andrea?
- **Sister Andrea:** Yes, sister Diana?
- ...

Sisters of Mercy

A guy is driving down the highway late at night, when he sees a sign that said, "Sisters of mercy: House of prostitution" 3 miles. Thinking he must be tired and seeing things, he gives it no more thought.

Further down the road he sees another sign that said, "Sisters of Mercy: House of Prost...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A wife yells at her husband...

Wife: "How could you do this to me?!"

Husband : "what did I do?"

Wife: " You slept with my sister, you bastard!"

Husband : "Well, when I went to work she was lying naked on my table and you know she's an attractive woman, what did you expect me to do?"

Wife: "The fucking...

Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?"

Father: "Ask your sister.”

Daughter: "I don't have a si-"

Jake was sitting on the porch with his little sister, and said, "Look, there's a quarter in the street!"

His sister jumped up and ran into the street to get the money and was promptly hit by a truck. Jake just laughed and laughed, because he knew it was only a nickel.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you say when your sister begs you to have sex with her? [NSFW]

Well, if you incest!

I asked Sister Claire why she insists on wearing a dirty hat to church.

She said it’s just a nasty habit.

My sister got an F on HER report card today.

How do you even get an f in gender, like is there something wrong with her? Should i get her help?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My sister is taking my nephews to the gun range to teach them about gun safety.

They’re not looking forward to sex ed.

What did the biologist say when his sister asked him what his favorite part of his foot was?

Mitosis

My sister and her kids live with me, and I'm always waking up to a spoiled brat screaming her lungs out.

Her kids don't help either.

My sister got pregnant in Korea. I asked her how it happened.

She told me:

*Ganbang Style*

My wife found out I was cheating with her sister.

She’s never playing Monopoly with us again.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Donald Trump asks the Queen the advice

Donald Trump meets with the Queen. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?"

"Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Trump frowns. "But how do I know the p...

A Silver sister can't remember your face

But a Silver Bromide

There once were two sisters: one named Petal, the other named Fridge.

One day, as the entire family was relaxing in a field on a nice summer day, Petal asks her parents: “Mommy? Daddy? Why did you name me Petal?”

Her parents replied: “Because, darling Petal, on the day you were born, a beautiful red rose petal was whisked into the air, flew softly in the wine, ...

Sisters of Saint Mary's House of Prostitution

A man is driving down the road when he sees a sign that says, "Sisters of Saint Mary's House of Prostitution - 3 miles." He is intrigued.

A short time later, he sees another sign that says, "Sisters of Saint Mary's House of Prostitution - 1 mile." He slows down a little to give himself a litt...

The Indian pledge starts as "All Indians are my brothers and sisters."

Funny how India and Alabama have so much in common.

Post Malone and his family went out for dinner, while his sister was the only person left in the house. When they came back, they found out the neighbours had started referring to her as a promiscuous woman.

After all, she was Ho Malone.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I told my sister to come work for me at my porn company and that last year I made $1 million. She said that’s gross.

I said “no, that’s net.”

What did Santa Claus say when he met the Kardashian sisters?

Ho Ho Ho

Two nuns in a forest at night.

There were two nuns...

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),

and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for
the past thirty...

My sister says she wants to have 4 kids

I told her the most I would do was 2

The Sisters Of Mercy

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway, when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It says Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 10 Miles. He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. Soon, he sees another sign which says Sisters ...

My wife demanded a divorce after seeing her name written in the snow with pee.

I didn't think she'd recognize her sister's handwriting.

I met a brother and sister from Alabama the other day. I swear, if they were any more inbred...

They would be a sandwich.

I threw a soda can at my sister, but luckily it didn't hurt her....

Because it's a soft drink!

My sisters boyfriend hates me

Because I banged his girl

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

About a decade ago, Pope John Paul was visiting a convent of nuns, Our Sisters of the Immaculate Conception.

The whole place was so excited about his visit.

Mother Kate put Sister Margaret in charge of getting the finest fish for the dinner with the pope.

Sister Margaret took her task solemnly, and went to the market to get the best catch of the day.

“Good morning, sir. I’d like 12 ...

A brother and a sister are hanging out...

and the brother is barefoot. He notices his sister has been staring at his feet for awhile, so he asks,

Bro: “What’s up, why are you staring at my feet?”

Sis: “Well, i was just curious...”

Bro: “About?”

She points to his big toe

Sis: “Is that the process which moth...

My sister's dog died.

I got her an identical dog to help her.

She was shocked, she said, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs!"

Just had a big fight with my wife.

That woman fights for no reason at all. We were both excited and just about to make love. She removed her jeans and then her top. Then the fight started when I asked, "why are you wearing you sister's bra?"

This was my sisters favorite joke to tell in high school. May she Rest In Peace: What’s the difference between a cactus and a teachers lounge?

The teachers lounge has all the pricks on the inside.

My sister was diagnosed with a terminal disease affecting the lungs...

The doctor said she only had 5 more years to live. Her last wish before she died was to go to Berkeley University. I thought it over for a while and said “To Berk You Go Sis!”

My mother's sister is on heavy duty medication for schizophrenia.

I call her Aunty Psychotic.

If your girlfriend and your sister swapped bodies, which one would you sleep with?

Trick question, they're the same person.

Cardi B is attractive but...

her sister Cardi O left me breathless.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I wanna name my puppy 'insane'...

...so when people ask 'are you fucking insane?' I can say 'no I'm fucking my sister'

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Last week I fucked my sister in law

This week I fucked my brother in geography

My sister told me she just baked some synonym buns...

I replied “you mean, just like the ones grammar used to make?”

Happy Ramadan to all my Muslim brothers and sisters!

This month, lunch is on me :)

My very Catholic sister-in-law asked me....

"When is epiphany this year?"
I said, "I don't know, but I'm sure it will come to me."