My step-sister walked into my room one day and she says, "Hey, big brother... take off my shirt."

So I took off her shirt.

Then she says, "Take off my skirt..."

So I took off her skirt.

Then she says, "Take off my bra and panties..."

So I took off her bra and panties.

Then she says, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, I'm telling mom and dad!"

Two Sisters...

One blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock.

They ...

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My Sister and my girlfriend share the same name..

Every time we have sex and she tells me to shout her name, i think of my girlfriend.

Two Texans are sitting in a small town bar, where one bragged to the other: "You know, I had me every woman in this town, except my mother and my sister."

"Well," his buddy replied, "between you and me we got 'em all."

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My sister asked for me to bring her something hard to write on

I don't know why she became so mad. It's pretty fucking hard to write on sand.

My sister is taking part in a social experiment. She has to wear a “Boris is doing his best “ t-shirt for 2 weeks and see how people react. So far she’s been spit on, punched and had a bottle thrown at her!

I’m curious to see what happens when she goes outside.

My sister thought she was soo smart, she said the only vegetable/fruit that can make her cry is a onion

So I threw a coconut at her

My sister bet me a hundred dollars I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti.

You should've seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.

My sister came up with this. What begins with a P, ends with an E and has a million letters in it

Post office

Non-alcoholic beer is a lot like going down on your sister...

It tastes the same, but it just isn't right.

The tale of Sister obvious

Once upon a time there was a nun called Sister obvious, they called her that as she was very logical and had a solution for most things.

One day, Sister obvious and a fellow nun was walking home from the market when her fellow nun (let’s call her Sister May) said “Sister, I think there’s a ma...

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My wife thrust a picture under my nose. "What the fuck is this!" she asked. "Well," I calmly replied, "It appears to be a photo of me fondling your sister's massive breasts... But you do know that's not real, don't you, babe?" "Really? she said, calming down.

"Obviously" I replied, "They're implants".

My step-sister asked me for an example of a double entendre...

So I gave it to her.

my mom was comforting my younger sister after she lost her phone, saying sometimes mistakes happen but they make our futures better...

and i, very loudly, stated "she's talking about me"

What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his foot?

OUCH! MY-TOE-SIS!

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Sisters

Sister Claire and Sister Teresa are driving down a desert highway when the devil appears on their hood, making threatening gestures.

"Quick," Sister Teresa says, "Show him your cross!"

Sister Claire leans out the window, shouting:

"Piss off you bastard! I'll kick you in the fuck...

My wife told me she and her sister started a weight loss competition to see who can shed the most pounds before their cousin's wedding this summer.

"I hope you win" was not the correct response.

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My two favorite things are fucking my step sister and not using commas.

I also can't count.

My friend got angry at me for sniffing his sisters underwear

It didn’t help that they were still on her body and sure did make an awkward moment at the funeral service

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Peter confesses to his friend that he had sex with his sister in law.

" Well it was in the evening" says Peter " I dropped by my sister in law's to say hello. Suddenly it started to rain. I hadn't brought an umbrella then. Neither did she have one to lend. The rain was pouring and then it happened."

His friend responds" Well if it has happened only once, maybe...

My friend's sister has been hallucinating watches everywhere...

You know what he calls her? Seiko-sis.

Which is worse: kissing your mother or your sister?

It’s all relative

My dad's sister is a geriatric nurse.

With Covid her life has been crazy busy over the past year. She has seen far too many patients die. Now that we have the vaccine she's very excited and gets borderline preachy on why we should all get vaccinated. She talks about it non-stop. It's annoying!

It's like she's become Auntie Vaxx!

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My Sisters From Another Mister

Its Little Johnny's 18th bday. He gets home and sees his mom baking a cake for him and cooking dinner. She says, "Happy birthday son" and gives him a hug and a kiss.
Dad comes home and says,. "Son go put on your best clothes because tonight you're going to become a man.Yep I'm taking you out t...

Me: Why is my sister’s name Teresa?

Dad: because your mom loves Easter and Teresa is an anagram for Easter.

Me: Thanks, dad.

Dad: no problem, Alan.

Cardi B’s sister used to spy for the Russian government, but refuses to talk about it publicly

They call her ‘Cagey B’

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Sister Teresa is walking down to breakfast when she meets another nun walking up.

"Good morning, Sister Assumpta!" says Sister Teresa. "Good morning, Sister Teresa!" says the other. "Did you get out of bed the wrong side this morning?"

Puzzled, Sister Teresa continues on her way to the refectory. "Good morning, Sister Pieta!" she says to the nun serving porridge. "Good mor...

My Sister always got bullied at school for being adopted.

Homeschooling for us was fun though

Brother and sister Yu and So (long)

A young man named Yu and his sister So were involved in a terrible car accident. By some horrible coincidence they both developed amnesia from the accident. So’s amnesia was only partial, remembering much about herself but unable to remember important people in her life. Yu had it much worse, as he ...

My sister goes to the pizza place

The pizza guy asks: "would you want me to cut your pizza in 4 or 12 pieces.

She said: Please only 4, I can't eat 12 pieces all alone.

A friend got mad at me for smelling her sister’s underwear

I don’t know if it was because she was still wearing them or because the rest of the family was there, either way it made his sister’s funeral very awkward.

my sister told me she won’t scatter my ashes in the ocean

she said there was already too much trash in it.

I questioned my sister and my cousin about any incest in the family

She didn’t know of any

Karl Marx is a historically famous philosopher and political theorist,

but very few people know about his sister,

Onya, the inventor of the starter pistol.

What do you call your mother's mother's mother's sister?

Your great antique.

Follow up Joke: what do call your father's father's father? Old as hell.


Both jokes courtesy of the 10 year old comedian in my house.

I have the worst parents ever. I asked them how they felt on abortion, and they told me to ask my sister.

Not only did they not give a straight answer, I don't even have a sister.

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My girlfriend’s sister is Hot!

my gf called me to her house one day. i went there & found her sister alone in the house. she was unbelievably sexy than my gf. she whispered in my ear, "i have feelings for you, make love to me once" i turned around & walked to thefront door towards my car. amazingly i found my gf standing ...

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In Alabama, how can you tell when your sister is on her period?

Dad's cock tastes like nickels.

At a bar in Saigon two sisters approached me and asked which one I'd rather sleep with...

...it was a Nguyen-Nguyen situation.

I made this up on the spot and I'm really proud of it.

This isn't the best joke, but I'm really proud of how it came out. My sister and I are both in town visiting our parents for the first time in years. I keep dropping bad puns and my sister keeps yelling at me.

Tonight, we were telling stories from our youth, and I told her this one. She was r...

For Palm Sunday Sister Agnes wanted to bring a lovely bouquet of anemones.

However, the sanctuary was already decorated with palm branches. The pastor said, "With fronds like these, who needs anemones?"

My brother, my sister, and myself pooled our money together

We treated our dad with this fish therapy where little fish nibble on the dead skin until it is gone.

It was money well spent, because it was much cheaper than a regular funeral.

It's very important to not leave out the word "each." For example, when the price of 4 tacos is $2 vs $2 each, or

When you tell people that you and your sister each have a child

A husband asks his wife, "Will you marry after I die?" The wife responds, "No, I will live with my sister." The wife asks him back, "Will you marry after I die?" The husband responds,

"No, I will also live with your sister."

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My wife came up to me the other day and said "Do these jeans make me look fat?"

I said "Do you promise not to get mad at me no matter what I say?"

"Yes"

"Okay, I fucked your sister."

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My wife kicked me out of the house just because she walked in on me whilst measuring my penis

Just for the record, it reaches the back of her sister's throat!

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Ask your sister...

Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."

Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ."

Kid 1: "As if."

Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."

Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."

Kid 2: "You will, in about nine months."

Valerie

The madam opened the brothel door in Miami and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.

"May I help you sir?" she asked.

The man replied, "I want to see Valerie."

"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhap...

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A man goes to confession (NSFW)

Man: Forgive me farher for what I have sinned.


Father: What did you do my child?


Man: I went to my sister in law's home. Just when I was leaving, it started raining and I had to stay there. We slept together.


Father: Pray to god my son for he is merciful.


...

My little sister made a face at my mom and said "Guess who I am?"

My mom answered ‟Who?”

‟Your daughter”

courtesy of my 4 year old sister about 20 minutes ago

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A girl in Japan had an older sister who owned a car company. What was that company?

Nee-san

(NSFW)So I'm tickling my little sisters foot, and my mom goes absolutely nuts and starts beating me up...

Nobody told me not to touch her until she's born...

My wife asked me where I wanted to be buried.

Apparently, "balls deep in your sister" wasn't the response she was looking for.

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My sisters baby

So I am not allowed to hold my sisters baby anymore. The one fucking time I held the baby I dropped it, I swear it wasn't a big deal but she started screaming at me and even got the fucking cops involved, and I'm like "okay but the real question here is WHO THE FUCK brings a baby to the grand canyon...

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Gates of Heaven

4 nuns die in a tragic bus crash.

They find themselves at the gates of heaven, where Peter greets them warmly. "Sisters, to enter into heaven, you must confess a sin." The sisters line up in front of Peter, who is smiling warmly.

The first nun pauses, takes a deep breath, and says "I....

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We have a saying here in Alabama, “Playing a game and having it end in a tie is like kissing your sister.”

It’s fucking awesome because you didn’t lose

There were two sisters...

There were two sisters, one called Petal and one called Fridge. One day, Petal asks her parents, "Why did you call me Petal?" and they replied "Because when you were a baby, a petal fell on you." And then Fridge says "bllaaarrarararraraaarg".

I just found out that my girlfriend has a twin sister.

I saw her on Tinder.

Twin sisters in a Newfoundland nursing home were turning 100 years old. The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take pictures of the 100 year old twins.

One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well.

Once the photographer arrived he asked the sisters to sit on the sofa.

The deaf sister said to her twin "WHAT DID HE SAY?" "WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!" said the other.

"Now get a little closer to...

I started dating my friend's sister and he says we're now Napoleon friends

Because we're only a bone apart.

My mom's sister was telling me she forgot a bunch of basic math...

Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally

Eight year old sister got me with this one

Why did Karen cross the road?

To get to the manager.

NSFW What's worse than finger banging your sister?

Finding your dad's wedding ring there

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so ...

I expected a joke about my mother’s sister to be funny and it actually wasn’t.

It was an auntie-joke.

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My wife’s sister visited us yesterday in her brand new Porsche.

Astonished, my wife asked her “How could you afford this?!”

“You know, a blow job every now and again makes my husband very generous,” she replied.

Surprised, my wife turned to me and winked, “I think I’ll start doing that.”

“Me too,” I replied, turning to my sister in law. “Wha...

My sisters and I met yesterday to discuss whether or not to bury or cremate our mother..

We couldn’t come to a decision between the two so we are letting her live for now.

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Son: Dad, why is my newborn sister named instagram?

Dad: Because your mom loves instagram and I found out that she spends enormous amounts of time on it. So, it was my way to get her off her addiction.

Son: Ok Dad, Thank you.

Dad: You're welcome.
Now go to your room, Pornhub.

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Sister Catherine is asking all the Catholic school children in fourth grade what they want to be when they grow up.

Little Sheila says:
"When I grow up, I want to be a prostitute!" Sister Catherine's eyes grow wide and she barks: "What the **** did you say?"
"A prostitute!" Sheila repeats. Sister Catherine breathes a sight of relief and says: "Thank God! I thought you said a Protestant"

My sister is so dumb, she tells everyone she is bipolar

Because she is working at two different strip clubs.

Three sisters get married, each to another man

The men's now mother in-law decides to test all of them.

She decides to take each of them on a walk separately.

The mother in-law takes the first guy on a walk. She "accidentally" falls into a deep pond. The man doesn't hesitate, he jumps in and saves her. The next day, the man gets a...

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Rags To Riches Success Story

A real touching success story! 

Every morning, the CEO of a large bank in Manhattan walks to the corner for a shoe shine.  He sits in an armchair, examines the Wall Street Journal and the shoe shiner buffs his shoes to a mirror shine. 

One morning the shoe shiner asks the CEO: "What do...

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on their holidays.

They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. They packed colorful shirts, shorts, swim trunks and sandals, and each brought sunglasses.

The morning after they arrived, they went to the beach, wearing swim trunks and t-shirts. ...

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A bus full of nuns crashes and they all die and go to the pearly gates.

There they are met by St Peter. St Peter asks the first nun:

"Sister, have you ever touched a penis?"
The Sister replies:
"Yes, with the tip of my finger"

"OK, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy water and in you go"

The next sister approached St Peter and He made the s...

Cardi B has a sister that's a fitness instructor.

Her name is Cardi O

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A warrior brave and his father the chief of the tribe are sitting around a campfire

The brave asks the chief, "Father, how is it that you came to name your children?"

The wise chieftain answers.

Son, each time one of my children were born, I would scoop the child into my arms and then run out of the teepee and the first thing I saw is what I would name my son or daugh...

My sister in law got the covid vaccine yesterday.

Her 5g reception has never been better

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings.

As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home. Later that night, their mother couldn’t sleep, so she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea. On her way, she tiptoed by her oldest daughter’s bedroom and heard her screaming. The mother thou...

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What's the similarity between an alcohol-free beer and your sisters pussy?

When you taste it, it tastes ok. But there's something wrong with it

My step sister's hand got caught in the sink.

I Googled for a solution and there it was.

The tutorial was weird but Google is never wrong.

100 humps and her hand got unstuck.

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100 Nuns

100 nuns are meeting with the priest.

Sisters I must confess, I have had sexual sexual relations with a woman.

99 nuns gasp one nun in the back giggles.

It is Okay, I used a condom.

99 nuns gasp one in back giggles.

The condom had a hole in it.

99 nuns giggl...

I took my little sister hunting one time.

I thought we could bond a little bit but during the trip I saw a bear. I took out my pistol and shot it and then my sister started crying. We had to rush back to the truck, couldn’t even grab the pelt.

All I thought when I was trying to comfort her on the way home was, “Damn, last time I’m e...

Three nuns passed away and went up to Heaven. They were pleasantly surprised when Saint Peter informed them that in exchange for their many years of servitude and chastity, God Himself was going to bestow upon them each one wish...

The first nun said with a blush, "This is slightly embarrassing, but I have to admit, while I did love serving the Lord, the vow of chastity was really tough on me. May I return to Earth for a weekend of unbridled lust, with the face and body of Angelina Jolie?"

Saint Peter said, "Your wish i...

What do they call it in Alabama when you wake up and eat out your sister?

Breakfast inbred.

You might be a redneck....

....if you've ever had to climb a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor.

Sister Mary and Mother Superior

So Sister Mary is doing the driving, taking Mother Superior back from Mass on a Sunday...

... And they pull up at the lights in Drumcondra.

Traffic passes, but the lads in the pub are out in the street all hollerin and screamin and dancin cos of the day's football match.

One of ...

A brother cell and sister cell are walking down the street...

The sister cell accidentally steps on the brothers toe.

The brother cell says:
"Ouch! you stepped on Mitosis!"

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Dad, why is my sister named Shore?

Your mom always wanted to have a horse, but I could never give her one, and Shore is an anagram of horse.

Wow, that's awesome!

Thanks, Morgas.

My friend in Alabama lost his Mom, his Sister, and his Wife in a car accident.

He really loved that woman.

My sister's onlyfans makes a lot of money

I'm going to have a lot of explaining to do when she finds the hidden cameras

An Irish dad calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing.”

“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams.

“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says. “We’re sick of each other and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”

The son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “...

Son: "Daddy i i fell in love and want to date this awesome girl!! "

Father : "That's great son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter".

Father : "Ohhh I wish you hadn't said that.I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother.Tina is actually your sister."

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a coupl...

Bought my sister a trampoline for her birthday.

But what does this ungrateful thing do? Sits next to it in her wheelchair and cries.

My sister hates Christmas because it means wrapping, and she hates wrapping.

I tried to motivate her by saying she was more than capable of wrapping, but she wouldn’t listen. So I decided to help by dropping a beat for her.

The Devils goes to Church

The devil went to church one day and upon seeing his red skin, big horns and cloven feet, all of the people ran from the building in terror. All except for one old man near the front. He didn't even budge. The devil was intrigued by the man's apparent disinterest in his hideous appearance. So he str...

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A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel

On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.

After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation.

After a long period of silence, the priest spoke.

“Well sister, this looks pretty grim.”

“I know, father.” “In fact, I don’...

A musician starts talking to a couple of girls in a bar.

Much to his surprise they turn out to be Siamese twins, joined at the hip. One thing leads to another and the girls wind up back at the man's apartment. They have more drinks and the man eventually talks the twins into bed. He makes love to one girl, then starts to make love to the other. The first ...

My mother’s sister Linda hates herself.

We call her anti Linda.

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Little Timmy went into the living room as his parents were having an argument.

“You bastard!” said his mum to his dad.

“You bitch!” replied his dad to his mum.

And they suddenly stopped when they saw little Timmy in the doorway.

“Mum, what’s a bastard? Dad, what’s a bitch?” questioned Timmy.

His parents stuttered and stammered until his mum thought ...

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Three nuns die and go to heaven.

St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates and tells them that they’ll have to each answer a question about the Bible before being allowed into heaven.

“Sister, tell me, what is the holy trinity?” he asks the first nun.

The first nun answers “The father, the son and the Holy Ghost”. <...

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first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her more precocious students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what exactly is your problem?”

Harry answered, “I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she! I think I should be in the 3rd grade, too!”
Ms. Brooks finally had enough; she took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the situa...

My 4 year old sister has been learning Spanish.

But she still doesn't know how to say "please", which I think is poor for four

i think my sister is hot.

Her AC unit is broken

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Caught my sister masturbating.

She had something smeared all over her crotch.
I ask, “What is that all over your crotch?”

she said,”Piece of Cake.”

I said, “Damn, I was going to eat that.”

She said, “You can still eat it.”

”I know, but now it’s going to taste like cake.”

My girlfriend asked me last night if she was still as pretty as the day we met. I said of course! She frowned and said “You have to say that, you can be honest.”

She asked if I was as happy with her as ever. I said of course! She said again “you have to say that, you can be honest.”

She asked if I still wanted to be with her and only her. I said as long as her sister is still in a relationship.

Apparently I shouldn’t have been *that* honest.

I've seen a lot of you getting the funniest jokes from your kids, so I tried asking my lil sister to give me one too

She told me to look into the mirror

Did you hear about the cannibal that passed her sister in the woods?

She had cake for dessert.

A priest and a nun are having a tennis match...

The priest is very competitive, but can’t seem to bring his A-game to the nun who is clearly better. After a volley from the nun, the priest misses and yells: “Goddamn it! I missed!”, startling the nun. She let it slip by and the match continues.

But alas, after a fierce back-hand from the nu...

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I'm sick of the incorrect assumption that us rednecks are always fucking our sisters

Mine hasn't put out in 6 months

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So my family is considering matching tattoos.

My eldest sister recommends flowers.
My middle sister recommends fruits.
My youngest sister recommends Pokemon.

Me? I suggest we get dinosaurs so I can show my ass cheek and get a tattoo of a Mega-Sore-Ass.

I tickled my little sister's foot this morning and my mum went crazy about it...

..something about waiting until she was born

Theo visits his sister, a veterinarian...

And being a good brother, he brought 2 cups of hot chocolate, her favorite drink. Angela, his sister thanks him, but marks her cup because after all these years she knows how forgetful he can be, and how he can mistake her cup for his.

Sure enough, after chatting a bit, Theo reaches for a cu...

I found the wife's G spot.

Her sister has it.

Everyone knows Alan Turing who cracked Enigma codes.

But nobody knows his sister Kay, who provided drinks, snacks and sandwiches for him and his colleagues during that time.

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