My family is furious at me for implying my Sister in an idiot for not vaccinating her child...

I suppose the funeral wasn’t the right place to say it.

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My wife’s sister visited us yesterday in her brand new Porsche.

Astonished, my wife asked her “How could you afford this?!”

“You know, a blow job every now and again makes my husband very generous,” she replied.

Surprised, my wife turned to me and winked, “I think I’ll start doing that.”

“Me too,” I replied, turning to my sister in law. “Wha...

My best friend is mad at me, because I sniffed on his sisters underwear..

Don't know if he is mad because she was still wearing it or because her parents were present.

Whatever, it was a strange funeral.

Cardi B has a sister that's a fitness instructor.

Her name is Cardi O

I recently discovered I can move my sister's daughters through the air with my brain but not her sons.

I think I have telekinieces.

What do you say to your sister when shes crying?

Are you having a crisis?

My sister bet me $15 I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti.

You should've seen her face when I drove pasta.

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My sister asked for me to bring her something hard to write on

I don't know why she became so mad. It's pretty fucking hard to write on sand.

My sister Mary has an abusive husband. Their BBQs are awkward...

We watch him eat, drink and beat Mary.

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My sister and my girlfriend share the same name

That's too bad, because every time we have sex I have to think about my girlfriend.

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra less.
One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she ...

My sister dressed up as a deer for Halloween.

All my friends fawned over her

What is the name Tinkerbell’s Mexican sister?

Taco Bell.

Son: Dad, why is my sister called Teresa?

Dad: Because you mother loves Easter and Teresa is an anagram of Easter.
Son: Thanks Dad.
Dad: No problem Alan.

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch...

Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from re-possessing the ranch they need to purchase a bull from a stockyard in a far-away town so that they can breed their own stock. They only have $600 left.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her...

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My girlfriend has the same first name as my sister

It makes it really weird when I'm fucking her and I think of my girlfriend.

How does a Redneck find his sister in the woods?

Attractive.

My sister said she can walk through walls so I called her a liar.

Then I saw her phase, now I'm a believer.

There is no incest in Alabama! You can ask my dad, brother, uncle, husband, mother, sister or aunt!

They are both in the living room right now.

My sister used to be a beekeeper.

She lived in California, but was always very emotional. She decided to get into bee keeping by way of therapy, but one day her favourite bee died. She'd named him Alloudocius. We always called her the super sister because she looked after us, but things were never the same after her bee died. We bla...

-Dad? Why is my sister's name Rose?

\-Because your mother loves roses.

\-Thanks dad

\-No problem Richard

From my 2yo sister

Knock knock


Who's there


Banana


Banana who?


Banana cross the road you chicken nerd

I wore an antennae to my sister’s wedding the other day

The reception was much better

My sister just had a baby to try and 'save the relationship'

But I still don't talk to her.

My friend got mad at me because he caught me sniffing his sister's panties

It didn't helped that she was still weariness them.

Or that his whole family was there.

That made the rest of his sisters funeral kind of awkward.

And who thought you could make the funeral for such a small child even more awkward than it already was...

I'm not talking to my sister's spoiled daughters.

It's beniece me.

Son: "Dad, I fell in love and want to date this girl"

Father: "That's great, son! Who is she?"

Son: "It's Sandra, the neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Sandra is actually your sister."

The boy is naturally bummed out, bu...

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I walked into my sister’s room and tripped on a bra....

.... it was a booby trap

A boy asks his Dad one day, "Dad, why is my sister called Paris?"

His Dad replies, "Because she was conceived in Paris."

The boy says, "Ahh, thanks Dad."

His Dad says, "You're welcome, Backseat."

I have a sister, and I love genetics.

So whenever she steps on my toe accidentally, I say “Ow, you stepped on mitosis!”

Three elderly sisters aged 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.

.
.
.

One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts her foot in and pauses.
She yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath tub?"

The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, I'll come up and see."
She starts up the stairs and pauses, then she yells, "Was I ...

My sister in California said she felt two earthquakes just in the last week.

I told her it was her fault.

I got back from Joker and my sister asked if I got taller.

Nah, I just rose up.

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My sister was hired to sew 8 bridesmaids dresses by Saturday. . .

She seamstressed but she’ll get it done. However, her skills are only sew sew.

"Dad why did you and mom name my sister Rose?"

Dad: "because your mother loves Roses"

Son: "oh, ok, thanks Dad"

Dad: "No problem Costco Hotdog"

A man in Alabama was arrested for murdering his wife, Sister and Cousin

He was charged with one count of murder

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Wife: Does this dress make me look fat? Me: You promise not to get mad no matter what I say? Wife: Yes

Me: I fucked your sister

My know it all sister said that onions are the only vegetables that make you cry.

So I threw a sack of potatoes at her

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Sister kills a butterfly

So, My sister killed a butterfly, I say "no more butter for you." Then 40 minutes later, she comes to my room and says "i killed a cockroach," I say "that's not how it works."

My 18 yo sister said that online dating is tough

In the past 8 years every man she met there ended up in jail

I asked my sister in law (she's a nurse) why she always carries a red pen with her.

She tells me...
Oh it's in case I have to draw blood.

My mom's pro choice. Her sister is anti-abortion

It's a terrible nickname, but she's had four.

What do you call it when a proctologist has to give his sister an exam?

Analysis

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What do you call it when you fuck your dad's sister?

Up the ante

One evening I drove my sister home.

Her boyfriend and her cat Timmy were waiting there for her.

Me: "How's your chubby?"

Her: "Aw, you know him. Sometimes he is hungry. Sometimes he cries for attention if he is not sleeping. But if we ignore him good enough, he then jumps up onto the couch and cuddles with us. All in all...

When my sister was younger

She had a tooth come out, I managed to get to the tooth before our mom or dad got to it, and along with a quarter I left a note that said,


"Dear *****, I left a quarter for your tooth this time, but next time I'm bringing the pliers. HAHAHAHAHA!!!".


The screams I heard the ne...

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My sister walked in and caught me masturbating. She called me a sick pervert.

I walked in and caught *her* masturbating. She called me a sick pervert.

There's no justice in this world.

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I took my little sister to the cinema. Apparently the sex was too graphic.

Everyone asked us to stop.

My sister has hay fever.

She was also recently diagnosed with diabetes. I tried to cheer her up, you know, flowers, chocolates.

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A priest hooks a huge fish

A priest hooks a huge fish

Helping him reel it in, a sailor says "Whoa, look at the size of that fucker!".

"Hey, mind your language!" says the priest.

Embarrassed, the sailor thinks quickly and blurts out, "Sorry father, but that's what this fish is called, it's a Fucker fish".<...

"A cannibal once took my sister to see a Russell Crowe film"

"Gladiator?"

"No, I really miss her"

AITA for implying that my sister is an idiot for not vaccinating her kid, to our family?

The funeral was probably not the best time to mention it though.

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my step-sister walked in on me while I was masturbating.

my step-sister walked in on me while I was masturbating and incredulously asked "Are you seriously masturbating in here?"

I told her no, it was more like a hobby.

My sister wanted to know what briefs are

I said there speedos but underwear

My 12 year old sister got me with this one.

What do you call a cow with no legs?.......Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with 3 legs?.........Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with 2 legs?......... Your Mom.




Half sister technically. Not the same mom.

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Why did the people kill the virgin Mary's sister?

Because she was the Aunty Christ

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A man walks into a bar with a loaded six-shot revolver. He yells: "Which one of you bastards slept with my sister?"

One man laughs and replies: "You ain't got enough bullets!"

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A man caught his sister masturbating with a cucumber.

Man: "Eww! That's my dinner! You're making it taste like cucumber!”

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After having a little nap, my wife told me of a dream she had where she walked into the bedroom to find me in bed with her sister having sex.

suddenly a shark came out from under the bed and ate me and her sister.

She said, “It’s funny how things can happen in dreams that wouldn’t happen in real life.”

I said, “Yeah, ridiculous…a shark under the bed.”

A brother hits his sister in the eye with a pool noodle.

It was an accident but the girl gets a really nasty black eye. So the next day the girl gets to tell to all her friends about it and blames the brother. The brother doesn’t like the unwarranted attention.

He goes to his father and tells him he doesn’t like his sister telling everyone he hit ...

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A priest is sitting inside the church, when a guy comes in and asks to be confessed.

“Very well, my child,” says the priest, as he leads the man into the confession booth, “Tell me about your sins.”

“Well, Father,” says the guy, “On Monday, I was at my girlfriend’s house, and, well… the two of us alone, the house empty… I sinned, Father.”

“Don’t worry, child,” says the...

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A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them "Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question."

Please form a single-file line. And they do so. St. Peter turns to the first Nun in the line and asks her "Sister, have you ever touched a penis?" The Sister Responds "Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger..." St. Peter says "Alright Sis...

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What do you call your Japanese Sister's daughter?

A Japaneice

Drinking alcoholfree beer is like going down on your sister

It tastes the same, but it feels wrong

In most parts of the world a woman is a mother,a daughter,a sister.

In Alabama,you can have all at once.

My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry.

So I threw a coconut at her.

Tickled my little sister's foot this morning. Mom went crazy about it.

Something about waiting until she's born.

My sisters friends and I actually have a lot in common

We all look better with my glasses off

I told my sister I wouldn't sleep with her,

but she incested.

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A young muslim boy asks his dad " what are you wearing on your head?"

The father said: "Why, my son, it is a 'chechia.' In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.”

"And what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?” asked the boy.

“Oh, my son!” exclaimed the father “It is very simple. This is a 'djbellah.' As I have told you, ...

" hey dad, I wanna date the girl next door what do you think?" Said the son, "no you can't!, don't tell this to your mom but, that girl is your sister" replied the father

Son: "What about the girl across the street".
Dad:"unfortunately son, that is also your sister".
Son: "how about the girl that works in the bakery down street".
Dad: " I'm really sorry son but, she's also your sister".

So the son gets frustrated and, goes to his mom to complain about...

My 24 year old sister is worried about keeping a man around as a single mother of two

Recently she's been seeing this older gentleman that she's worried about scaring off because of her kids. I keep telling her there is nothing to worry about, he was really sweet to me when I was younger. He loves kids

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How do you know that your sister is on period?

Because your dad's cock has a different taste.

Accidentally swiped right on my sister on tinder....

Now she knows I was cheating on her :(

what do you call it when a lady mammal that enjoys swimming a lot, who has an unattractive twin sister, fires a gun at one of her gym buddies who also happens to work with clay as their profession?

hotter water otter daughter shot her potter spotter

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What's does your mom's sister and a horse have in common?

Nothing

One is a homosapien, a bipedal animal that has a high functioning precortex while horses are quadpedal and were used extensively by humans before motor vehicles

This was an aunty-joke

What would the Sisters of Mercy be called if they were Canadian?

Sisters of Merci.

What did our parents do to kill boredom before the internet?

I asked my 10 brothers and sisters, but they don’t know either.

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A young boy walks in on his sister masturbating with a vibrator.

Innocent and confused about the anatomy, he asks, "What are you doing? Where is your penis?"



Not wanting to explain the real stuff, the sister replied, "I lost mine in an accident. I was just massaging the wound. "



The boy says, "You should learn from mom. She keeps her...

You know what sucks about having a twin sister as a guy?

All my friends tell me how hot she is and how they want to sleep with her and I’m just like, I’m cute too

My older sister came back from her first year of college and was talking about her favorite sorority initiation called Boo-Khaki

I didn’t know it was required of sororities to hate on khakis, like whats the big deal?

My sister and I always laugh about how competitive we are

But I laugh harder

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[Long] Two sisters, a blonde and a brunette, inherit their family's ranch.

In order to stay out of bankruptcy, they need to buy a bull to replace one who recently died. So the brunette goes online and finds a bull for sale in the city stockyards, about three hours away. The price of the bull is listed as $5,000.

Sadly, their inheritance wasn't much beyond the ranch,...

I brought my sister to an Oasis concert once

When they came on stage I shouted "Go Oasis!"

When I turned around, she was gone.

My mums sister gets angry and bakes french pastries...

She’s a cross aunt.

Inspired by a story of my dad and his sister

Two siblings were driving to school when they accidentally hit an old friend. No one was hurt and there were no damages to the car, and the friend was very nice about it, he just said to the sister, since she was driving, to tell their parents. The sister had never gotten in trouble before so she ...

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President Trump met the Queen of England in her palace

Trump: “Your Majesty, any tips you can give me to prevent slow down in economy ?"


"Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."


Trump frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know the people around me are intelligent?" ...

My wife and I have a list of people we get a free pass to sleep with. Her list has Josh Duhamel, Henry Cavill, and Chris Evans.

My list has our neighbor, her sister, and our kid's teacher.

My anti-vaxx sister brought her kids over to swim today.

But the only game they played was Marco Polio.

My (blonde) sister hates blonde jokes. I (redhead) told her I have a redhead joke for her. She was eager to hear it!

A redhead goes for a drive through the country, just enjoying the peaceful ride with her windows open. She has to stop as a shepherd is moving his flock across the road. The redhead gets out of her car to stretch and has an idea.

"Hey Mister! If I can guess how many sheep you have, may I keep...

Sister Mary hears a voice from the heavens.

The voice says, "Sister Mary, I want you to take all of the church's money and get on a bus to Las Vegas". So Sister Mary takes all of the church's money and gets on a bus to Las Vegas.

The voice says, "When you get off the bus I want you to walk into the first casino you see". So when the bu...

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How do you make your wife scream when you are having sex?

Call her while your banging her sister

Peter is invited to dinner with his girlfriend's family.

Before dinner, Peter goes into a Pharmacy says to the pharmacist "Hello, could you give me a Condom? I'm going to my girlfriend's place for dinner and I think I may have a shot". The Pharmacist gives him the condom.

As he was exiting, he stepped back in to the Pharmacy and said ”Give me anot...

TIFU by doing BDSM with my wife's sister, when she suddenly walked into our activity

Whoops, wrong sub.

My sister told me this disgusting incest joke that I unfortunately can't share

We prefer to keep it in the family.

My sister discovered a new universal language but she hasn't said a word

I should've cut off her hands as well

There once was a man from Alabama . . .

He was a nice fellow. An unsophisticated hillbilly type but amicable to be around nonetheless. He was known as Catfish Jeb around the bayou because of that one time a catfish bit him in the . . .

Well, where the catfish bit him isn't important, now is it?

One day, very tragically, Catf...

Did you know that John Deere has a sister company that no one knows?

Jane Doe

Dirty sister

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly said, "That part where the hair has grown is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair." The girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister, "My monkey has grow...

A group of Catholic sisters want to open up a flower shoppe...

...it’s going to be called “Nuns N’ Roses”.

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[NSFW] I walked in on my sister the other day

I walked in on my sister masturbating with a carrot the other day, and I said,” Fuck you’re disgusting. I was gonna eat that later, and now it’s just gonna taste like carrots.”

A Jewish guy goes into a confession box. "Father O'Malley" he says, "my name is Emil Cohen. I'm seventy eight years old. Believe it or not, I'm currently involved with a 28 year old girl, and also, on the side, her 19 year old sister."

"We engage in all manner of pleasure, and in my entire life I've never felt better."

"My good man," says the priest, "I think you've come to the wrong place. Why are you telling me?"

And the guy goes: "I'm telling everybody!"

Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution

A man is driving down a highway on a business trip when he sees a sign that says “Sisters Of Mercy: House of Prostitution - 5 Miles”. He blinks, and imagines he read it wrong until he sees another sign saying the same thing, at 2 miles. Now he’s curious. The next sign tells him to turn left, so he...

We've been married for 15 years and finally found the G spot.

Turns out my sister in law had it all along

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My sister threw away a perfectly good juul

Except there’s 2 red lines on it and the things tastes like piss

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