UPJOKE
daddyfathermotherpapadadapagrandpaparentunclemomsonbabygrandfatherauntgrandma

A Gorbachev joke my dad told me a few years ago

Mikhail Gorbachev visits the US and meet with Ronald Reagan. They talk about how each country chooses their second in command. Gorbachev says that the Communist Party gives rigorous exams and screenings to choose the second in command. Reagan says he gives a test to figure out who to choose. He call...

My dad recently told me he identified as a woman

I had no idea, but I'm glad he was transparent.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Billy's diagnosis

Billy was just diagnosed with a terminal cancer. The doctor gave him 3 weeks to live.

Billy came home and called his son upstairs. With a heavy voice, Billy said “I have cancer and I only have 3 weeks left to live. It is in our family’s tradition to drink ourselves out in such events.” The s...

Dad joke

Why did the toilet roll, roll down the hill?

To get the the bottom

Please refrain from calling an expanded gut on a man “Dad Bod”…

It is more accurately defined as a Father Figure.

About 9 months before I was born, I went to a party with my dad….

…and he left me there with my mom.

The Barbies

Few days before Christmas the father of a lovely 9yo girls goes to best you shop in town. He walks the lanes untill he finds a nice girl and asks her for help.

Dad: good afternoon. Please, can you help me choosing a Barbie doll for my daughter?

Shop assistant (SA): Sure Sir! How much w...

The Truth About My Jokes

It has recently been brought to my attention that many of the jokes I tell my friends, family and peers can be classified as 'Dad jokes.' Moreover, it turns out that most of the people I share these with don't actually enjoy them, they've just given up on me stopping at this point.


Two ...

A Little 10-year-old girl was walking home, alone, from school one day, when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up beside her.

After following along for a while, turns to her and asks,
"Hey there little girl, do you want to go for a ride?"
"NO!" says the little girl as she keeps on walking.
The motorcyclist again pulls up beside her and asks,
"Hey little girl, I will give you $10 if you hop on the back."
"NO!...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jesus, Moses, and a mutual friend play golf.

So Jesus, Moses, and a friend of theirs all go out for a round of golf.

Jesus steps up to the tee. Takes his swing, and it's a nice looking drive, but it ends up in the water hazard and floats to the top. He walks out onto the pond and chips up onto the green.

Moses steps up to the tee...

I Am Coming

Johnny walked into class with a black eye.

Teacher: What's wrong?

Johnny: My house is very small. Me, my mum and my dad sleep on the same bed.Every night, my dad asks, "Johnny are you sleeping?" Then I say No and he slaps my face and gives me a black eye.

Teacher: Tonight when y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Having homosexual parents must be terrible

Either you have double dosage of dad jokes or you are stuck in cycle of “go ask your mom”

What do you call a unicorn's dad?

Popcorn!

A father and his 6 year old son where walking through the woods together. It was almost dark...

The little boy says, "Daddy, the woods is scary at night."

The dad responds; "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone...."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

my son came to me and asked, dad whats a clitoris?

I answered:

Damn son you should have asked me that yesterday, it was on the tip of my tongue!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher asked the class if anyone knew the meaning of the word contagious.

Little Billy puts his hand up and the teacher says “Billy, you know the meaning of the word contagious?” Billy says “yes Miss, I do!” The teacher replies, “well then Billy, I’d like to see you use it in a sentence” Billy says “ok then, the other day my dad and I were walking down the road and saw a ...

Letter from prison

A father sends a letter to his son in prison: "I will not be able to plant potatoes this year. The fields have not been plowed yet, because you are not here to help out."

The son wrote back: "It's just as well, because the money I stole was buried in the fields."

The next day, the poli...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Putin and two Russian generals are sitting in the Russian presidential aircraft

Putin gets bored and suggests to play a game to kill some time.
They came up with the idea that each of them will throw something out of the plane and later they will go to check what happened on the ground.

The first general pulls a Zippo lighter from his pocket, throws it out the wind...

The quickest way for a dad to get a child’s attention

is to sit down and look comfortable.

Son, we need to talk

Yes, dad?

Your mother said she saw you watching inappropriate videos online. Those videos are trash, they're garbage and if you keep watching them, you'll go blind!

Dad?

Yes, son?

I'm over here.

What do you call a gullible patriarchal figure from the Avatar movie?

A Fleeced Na'Vi Dad.

Braking The Truth To Your Child

Son: [Sobbing] Mum, Dad Just told me Father Christmas isn't real, is that true??

Me: Well, I suppose you're old enough now for me to tell you this...he's not your real dad.

Son: [Sobbing intensifies]

My Dad was in the hospital from being electrocuted

When he left he was discharged

Oreo’s in Water

You dip your Oreo’s in water…
Because your dad never came back with the milk.

A young man joins the army.

He promises to call his father every week and update him on how things are going. A few months in he calls home and tells his dad that they started doing parachute jumps this week.

Knowing that his son is greatly afraid of heights, the father asked how it went. "Well, I said I wasn't going t...

You know what the best part of the sims is?

If you get bored, you can just start over with a new family.

Just like my dad.

I thought our family was a Dad-tatership…

My wife now informs me it is in fact a Mom-archy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said...

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."

She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.

My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.

I told my dad what happe...

"The report"

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.
...

A 16 year old boy arrives home...

A 16 year old boy arrives home with his new driving license, and says to his father:

\- Dad, I bought a brand new Bentley.

\-What? Those cars are worth >$200.000 and you don't have a buck.

\- Yes, look at it parked there: it cost me $50.

The father looks out of the win...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

my best/worst joke

Sorry for any formatting/language issues!

A man is sitting at work, when suddenly his supervisor walks by and asks:
-hey man, how are you doing? Listen. I need to ask you something. Have you ever seen a penguin?
The man thinks for a second and answers that no, he hasn't.
-YOU HAVE N...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Post office joke

A post office received a letter from a little boy named Billy addressed to Santa Claus. They look at each other and, not knowing what to do with this, decide to read it out loud and have some fun. The letter goes something like this: “Dear Santa, our dad left us recently, my mom lost her job, so now...

Dad is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bedtime.

She says - God bless mommy and god bless daddy and god bless grandma and... goodbye grandpa.
He asks her - why did you say that?
I don't know, I just felt like saying it.
The next day, grandpa drops dead. Wow, thinks dad, that's an odd coincidence.
A month later at bedtime, the daughter ...

The boss called one of his employees into the office.

“Rob," he said, "you've been with the company for a year. You started off in the post room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department. Just four short months later, you were promoted to vice-chairman. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A kid is running around the house when he runs upstairs and finds his dad shaving in the bathroom.

The dad cuts himself and yells "shit."

The kid asks, "dad, what's shit?"

"Oh it's shaving cream."

The kid says "ok" and runs around again. He goes into the kitchen and his mom is cutting the turkey. She cuts herself with a knife and says "fuck."

The kid asks, "mom, what's...

Little Timmy learns something

One day little timmys dad asks him what he learnt in school that day. Little Timmy says: "Well, my teacher was mad as hell at me today." His dad asks:"Why was that?" "Well," says Little Timmy "she showed us two glasses filled with water and whiskey and then she put two worms in them. The worm in the...

Misunderstanding

An old man with hearing problems crashed his car into a very expensive automobile. The owner of the expensive automobile jumps out and confronts the old man and says “Give me $10,000 cash or I will beat you to a pulp!” The old man replies, “Woah wait buddy, I don’t have that much money but let me ...

A father heard his daughter praying inside her room...

Daughter: "God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma, Goodbye grandpa..."
Dad: Honey, why did you say "goodbye grandpa"?
Daughter: I don't know daddy, it just feels right.

The grandpa died the following day but that dad thought it's just a coincidence.
One week later, he he...

I rearranged all the wrenches in my Dad's toolbox.

Nobody expects the spanners switch position!

I asked my dad what he was planning to do today.

He said he was going to the optometrist to pick up his new prescription then he'd see.

A rich man dies and his three sons inherit his estate

One's a doctor, one's a lawyer, and one's a priest. His dying request to the three of them is that, to show their gratitude for all the money he's leaving them, he wants each to take out $10,000 and put it in his coffin. The day of the funeral comes, and each of the sons dutifully puts a paper bag i...

Son: "Dad, what is the purpose for condoms?"

Dad: "To avoid conversations like this one!"

When I was a kid if I was naughty my dad use to hit me with polaroid camera.

To this day I can still have instant flashbacks.

DAD! Please don't be mad at me but I am pregnant!

Little David is in school one day when his teacher tells the class that she wants to hear each of them say a little about their families, and specifically what is needed in their lives.

The first student is a little girl, she stands up and says "my family is mostly happy but what we really ne...

what is the difference between me and a cancer?

My dad didn't beat cancer.

Liz Cheney will agree to dismantle the January 6 Commission under one condition

That is if Donald Trump can go on a hunting trip with her Dad.

There lived a family of the Jacksons...(long)

The parents ran a nail store, and their son was a marketologist. Once the father said: "We're going on vacation, look after the store while we're gone". Son says: "Dad, I'm a marketologist, how can I sell your nails? I know nothing about them!" Dad replies: "I know you can handle it. Maybe make an a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At school

At school, 5th grade classroom.
The new teacher is asking some questions to the kids just to know them a little better.

T: so, Lucy, tell me about your family.
Lucy: I'm the only child. Dad work in a factory and mom is a housemaid.

T: a typical family... Nice. And what about your...

Dad jokes can make you numb...

Mathematical jokes make you number

“Listen Son, Always Wear a Condom No Matter What”

But dad You didn’t Wear one when you had me. “And look Where that got me”

Son : dad, what is competitive horse riding?

Dad : is that equestrian?

Dad: "Your teenage brother will drive you to your mom's house tomorrow." Kid:"What about the baby?"

Dad: "The baby doesn't have a driver's license."

What did the Dad Joke tell his pun-in-law about how to raise his grandchildren.

It'll come naturally when you're full groan. After all, that's when a joke's pun becomes a parent.

Shocking story

A small kid asked his wealthy self-made friend (that is also a small kid) the secret behind him making hundreds of dollars everytime he speaks to an adult that he knows, and his buddy replied "the secret is telling the adult I know everything, they will simply tell you to keep your mouth shut and ha...

A boy named Carol had a particularly rough childhood because of his uncommon name. He always got a lot of teasing and abuse at school. Eventually, he overcame his hang-up and married his high-school sweetheart.

When their first child was born, he let his wife name her.

She named the baby girl "Love" inspired in the same spirit as Carol's unique name.

Unfortunately, Love grew up and endured much of the same teasing that Carol did, because of her strange name.

She came home from school...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joe wanted to buy a Harley motorcycle. He didn't have much luck until one day, he came across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it

The bike looked better than a new one, even though it was 10 years old. It was shiny and in great condition.

He buys it and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.

'Well, it's quite simple,' says the seller, 'whenever the bike is outside and it's gonna rain...

My dad wears the same trousers as his dad. His dad wears the same trousers as his dad and so on.

That's jeans for you.

I wanted to learn how to fly a plane...

But I realised I was in the wrong class when the professor said this will be a crash course in flight!




(Sorry if it's a bit dad joke-ish I tried to write my own joke but chances are it's been told before)

As my daughter was walking out the door to go on her first date, in my best grumpy old tough guy dad voice, I growled, "I want her home before midnight." The boy she was going with stopped dead in his tracks, turned slowly around and with wide eyes replied....

"But you already own her home!"

Am I a real polar bear?

Small white bear: Dad, am I polar bear?

Dad, a large polar bear: Yes, son, you are

S: A real polar bear?

D: Yes, a real polar bear

S: Is there any way I could be any other sort of bear?

D: No. 100% polar bear. Why, son?

S: 'CAUSE I'M FREAKING COLD!

"Mom, Dad, I have something to tell you. I'm vegan."

"Sweetie, we know. It's the fourth time you've told us today."

Son: Dad? Am I adopted?

Dad: You almost were, but couldn't find anyone who wanted you,

It's inappropriate to tell a dad joke if you're not a dad.

It's a faux pa.

My friend is called Art so i asked his father what is Art short for?

His dad said it's because he has little legs

Dad jokes

Do you know what they call the student that finished last in medical school?

Doctor

Original dad joke

I made this up a couple years ago and my kids think it’s the worst so it might work:

A fruit fly comes home and sees that his house has turned from green to yellow. He turns to his wife and says, “This is bananas!”

Dad finds a BDSM toys set in his daughter's room

"Well, I'm assuming that punishing you is pointless..."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher asks children to name some drug names...

Sally stands up and says ”Paracetamol, its for pain relief”

Julie stands up and says “Aspirin , it helps you focus”

Jimmy stands up and says “Viagra”!

The teacher replies saying “Jimmy, how do you know that? What does that drug do?”

Jimmy replies “ Viagra is for diarrhea ...

Dad sees a patient..

Dad and I operate a practice together.

He once had a patient that came in with a flea behind his ear. Week after week, said patient keeps returning to get this flea looked at.

One day, dad goes on vacation, and leaves me in charge of the practice.

The patient comes in, and in h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People say porn isn’t realistic…

But Elon Musk’s dad just had a kid with his stepdaughter and Zach Wilson is sleeping with his mom’s best friend.

There's this frog and he

... goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a vacation."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick, and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man gets pulled over with his young son in the back seat.

The cop comes to the window.

“Sorry officer, I was rushing to get home. My wife is throwing a dinner party for very important guests.”

The cop writes him a ticket anyway, wishes him a good day and walks back to his patrol car. As he walks away, the dad mutters "Bastard.”

The lit...

My Dad was a Musician who played with the Beatles all the time.

He had all their albums but that was his favorite.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I remember once my dad gave me money to pay for the electricity bill

but instead I bought a lottery ticket for a brand new car. When I got home, I explained to my dad what I had done and he beat the crap out of me.

But the next day, when my dad woke up and opened the door, outside our house was a brand new car.

We all cried especially me, because the ca...

“Mom, why do you stay with my abusive dad?”

Mom: “Beats the hell outta me”

Teen drinking story

As a teen I stayed over a friend's house one weekend. We thought we were far to young and clever to get caught raiding the liquor cabinet. I made a bit of a distraction asking for food while he opened the cabinet and grabbed the biggest bottle. We got snuck the bottle back to his room. We each had a...

My dad always called his grandfather's 1967 Dodge "American Healthcare"

Because the bloody thing never worked.

During English class the teacher asks Little Johnny "have you ever heard of the word contagious before?"

"Of course miss" Johnny replies "my father actually said it when we were talking yesterday".

"Can you repeat it for the class and tell us how he used it in a sentence?"

"Yes, miss. We were watching the neighbour take his garbage out when his bin tipped over spilling rubbish all over ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Son asks dad for $20 for a blowjob

Dad says I don’t know, you any good.

NOT a dad joke

Dad comes home from work 1 day and his daughter meets him at the door crying. Daddy something is very wrong with Fluffy. Dad asks her to show him. There is Fluffy in the middle of the floor laying on his back stiff as a board. Dad says I'm so sorry muffin but Fluffy has gone to visit God. Muffin ask...

Some word can have multiple meanings

A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes ...

My dad and I were in a field husking corn

Years ago we were out in the cornfield. Then I start complaining about somebody for a bit.

My dad: you know you shouldn't say those things about them in this field

Me: why?

My dad: there's a lot of ears out here

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Irish daughter returns back home..

An Irish daughter returns back home after 5 years. Upon her return her father comes down heavily on her.


"Wher‌‌e hav‌‌e y‌‌e bee‌‌n al‌‌l thi‌‌s time‌‌, child‌‌? Wh‌‌y di‌‌d y‌‌e no‌‌t writ‌‌e t‌‌o us‌‌, no‌‌t eve‌‌n ‌‌a line‌‌? Wh‌‌y didn'‌‌t y‌‌e call‌‌? Ca‌‌n y‌‌e no‌‌t understan‌‌d w...

A boy asks his father what makes his cereal so good.

Boy: Hey dad, what makes my honey nut cheerios so delicious?

Dad: Bees Nuts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny wakes up one night…

Little Johnny wakes up one night hearing noises from his parents bedroom.

He opens the door to his parents room and sees mom, handcuffed to the bed's headboard, dad ramming her from behind.

Johnny screams.

Dad turns to looks at him, laughs and gives mom a slap on the bum for g...

Since we’re doing little Jonny jokes

Catholic school teacher asks the class, “Children, what part of your body do you think enters heaven first?”.

Mary stands up and says “Your head, because it’s the top of your body.”.

“Very good logic Mary, anyone else?”

Matt stands up, “Your hands, because they are what we use...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny's grandma is visiting...

NSFW: Little Johnny's Grandma is visiting the family for the weekend...

After a nice dinner and chatting, everybody goes to bed; Johnny to his room, his parents to theirs, and Grandma to the guest bedroom.

In the middle of the night, Little Johnny bursts into his parents' room exclaimi...

dad joke?

Koalas are horrible when they wallaby

Wife: I'm pregnant.

Me: Hi pregnant, I'm dad!

Wife: No you're not.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Make more puppies!

Little boy and dad are walking down the street. See 2 dogs fucking.
Kid: what's happening?
Dad: they are making puppies!

Later that night, kid can't sleep. Hears noises from parents' bed room, goes to investigate.

Dad is on top of mom, both naked, grunting.

Kid is shocke...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work.

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
<...

The Dad Jokifier 3000

Respond with a comment and I will attempt to respond with a related dad joke.

Edit: Let me help you out. I'm not your real dad or an insult comic. Keep it simple. For example if you said... "onion" I might respond with...

You are my little onion! You have many layers but always make m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Warm Milk and Viagra

A man goes to visit his dad in the nursing home for the first time. He feels kinda bad that his dad needed to go into such a place, so he waits for the nurses to leave the day room and leans over...

"Dad", he whispers, "how are you doing here? Do you really like it? Is everything okay?"
...

A dad was washing his car with his son.

"Why can't you use a towel or sponge like other people?" asked the son.

One day, my dad found me crying and he told me to "suck it up."

I have to admit, it's a better strategy for dealing with split milk.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My buddy tracked down his long lost father and arranged to meet him at a dairy queen.

He got there and they started to hit it off.

Everything was going really well, they were bonding and getting to know each other.

Then my buddy’s dad explained how he lost both his feet during the war.

My buddy lost his shit, went crazy, started throwing things and was thrown o...

Dear son; Your mom and I love you very much, and we miss you dearly ever since you went to prison. I especially miss you now that spring is here, and it is time to plow the fields. The ground is hard, and my back is old. I am afraid I will never be able to plant the crops in time. Dad

Dear Dad:

Do not dig in the field. That is where I hid that thing. You know I can not say what it is because they read our mail. Just do not dig out there.

Your son

\----------------------------------------

Dear son:

The cops came out and dug up my fields. They sai...

Patrons at the zoo were astonished to see an old man jump over the bars of the lion's cage

Seemingly oblivious to the danger, he walked among the fierce creatures holding the latest bestselling book in his hands, intently perusing its contents. The spectators were beside themselves.

"What in the world is he doing?" shouted one.

"Is he crazy? He's going to get killed!" yelled...

Lots of guys aren't too happy with getting a "dad bod" eventually in life. But I'd say im pretty excited for it

Because it's the closest thing I'm gonna get to having a father figure in my life

"dad can I go bungee jumping?"

"No son, your life started because of a broken rubber, it should not end by one too"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young boy says to his father "Dad, our maths teacher is asking to see you."

"What happened?" The father asks.

"Well, she asked me, 'how much is 7 * 9?' I answered '63' , then she asked, 'and 9 * 7?' So I asked 'what's the fucking difference?'

"Indeed, what is the difference?" asks the father. ''Sure, I'll go.''

The next day, the boy comes home from scho...

I was walking past a movie theater showing "The Black Phone" and some guy standing out front was saying, "Stephen King is my dad and he stole the ideas for all his novels from me!" I said to him...

"Surely you must be Joe."

What does my dad and Nemo have in common?

They both can’t be found.

A banker, a blacksmith, and a demolitions expert are all on a small plane.

The engine on the plane starts to fail and the pilot says to the three passengers on board
“Throw your least important belongings over the plane so that we can lighten the load on the engine”

The banker decides that his pennies weigh the most and have the least value so he throws all of th...

Speedy

Three boys were heading home from school one day when one started the time-honored game of paternal one-upmanship. He said, "My dad's way faster than any of yours, he can throw a 90-mph fast ball from the pitcher's mound and run and catch it just after it crosses the plate! "
One of the other bo...

After my dad died, I went to his favorite park to scatter his remains

A park employee came running, yelling "STOP! You cant do that here!"

I said "Why not?"

He said "You have to cremate him first!"

Son walks up to his dad and asks:

-Dad what is black humour?

-Well you see this man without arms standing there tell him to clap his hands

-Dad but I'm blind

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dad told me people shouldn't get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.

So I took down his confederate flag.

I refused to believe my dad was stealing from his job at the highway department

But when I got home...

All the signs were there.

A man buys a robot that slaps people when they tell a lie.

He decides to test it on his family at dinner that night.

The man asked his son, "Son, what did you do after school today?"

The son replied, "Oh, I just did some homework" and the robot slapped the son.

The son said, "Okay I actually watched a movie with my friends".

The ...

I've never brought a gal home to my studio apartment.

Part of me is worried that she'll judge me. After all, the place is pretty small.

But the other part of me is worried that she'll get a terrible sleep. Earplugs help, but even then it takes awhile to get used to my dad's snoring.

Did you know that the U.S. Constitution protects the right to wear a short-sleeved shirt?

It says "the right to bare arms shall not be infringed."

(credit to my dad for this one)

Son: Dad I got my hands on these new shoes

Dad: How many times I have told you, they go on your feet!!

What did Dad say when he got a universal remote for Father's Day?

This changes everything!



Happy Father's Day!

Where did the researcher keep all of his dad jokes?

In a dad-a-base.

Dad joke: Pelican catches a fish and shows it to his buddy…

Pelican’s buddy: wow, nice size catch.

Pelican: yeah, it definitely fits the bill.

My life used to be a joke

But then I became a dad. So now it's a dad joke

(I just came up with this, so either it's terrible, or not original. Likely both.)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Son, I heard you got punished for using the F word in class. That wasn't fun was it?"

"NO DAD. It was fuck."

My dad is a magician.

He could turn a six pack into domestic violence!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Johnny lives in a society...

Johnny asks his dad how a country runs. His dad thinks and replies, ‘Well, it’s like this. I earn the money in the house, so I’m the rich. Your mom takes care of running the home, so she is the government. The maid is the working class, and your baby brother is the future. And finally you Johnn...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

argument.

next time you are arguing with your dad and really want to piss him off.

just look him in the eye and say, "I've been deeper inside mum than you ever will."

Ps, it might be a good idea to run after saying this.

Meanest insults without cursing

Example 1. " Your existence only proves that your dad shouldve put you in a washcloth instead of your mom "

Little Johny failed fourth grade so badly that the school put him in third grade

He failed third grade even worse that they had to put him in second grade.

Upon hearing the news that he failed second grade even more spectacularly and had to be demoted to first grade, his dad whispered to Johny's mom:

Tighten your underwear, he is coming back !!

My dad doesn't really like puns, so we told him our top 10 to see if any could make him laugh.

No pun in 10 did.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me and my dad has conflicting thoughts on raising chickens.

He likes them because they'd give him a quick buck, but I hate them because they are a bit too cocky.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men go to Hell [Long]

One random night 3 men went out drinking and having a good time. Drunk, swaying side to side, they decided it was a good idea to walk down the middle of a road. As they get further down the road a truck came through and didn't see them. All three men were hit and died instantly. These 3 men were al...

Dave Grohl’s kid: Dad, these cakes you made for the school fundraiser are great, but we’re one short.

Dave Grohl: I’VE GOT ANOTHER CONFECTION TO MAKE!

Happy Fathers Day Quotes,,,

“You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.” —*Jerry Seinfeld*

“I gave my father $100 and said, ‘Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.’ So he went out and bought a present for my mother.” —*Rita ...

Little Johnny was playing in his room,…

When his dad walked in and explained that he and his mum were getting a divorce.

“Why Daddy?” asked a confused Little Johnny.

“Well, son” he explained, “Your mother and I are no longer in love.”

Now more confused, Little Johnny asked, “What does being in love mean?”

“Let...

Dad jokes

Why do Dad's take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?

In case he gets.......... A hole in one!!!

Hahahahahaha

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.