One day, grandpa is taking care of his grandson...

Sitting on the porch, he's watching him picking up worms and trying to put them back in their holes on the dirt.

-That won't work, son. They're too soft and too slimy to be inserted like that.

-Wanna bet, grandpa?

-I'm telling you, it won't work.

-How about $10?

Se...

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A Grandpa and Grandson go fishing

Grandpa and Grandson go out together for a day’s fishing. At lunchtime, the man opens a can of beer.

“Can I have some, Grandpa?” asks the boy.

“I tell you what, son,” replies Grandpa. “Can your willy touch your backside?”

“No, Grandpa.”

“Then you can’t have any beer.”
...

My grandson

Edit: please go easy on this joke - my 15 year old daughter made it.

An old man was explaining to his grandson about major things that happened in his life.

“Now most people associate salsa as a Mexican condiment”, he said. “But actually we loved mayonnaise”. “Wow!”, said the boy. “Most people don’t know that in 1912 after docking in New York, the titanic’s next stop was the eastern shores of Mexico. And below the deck was 15 tons of mayo. As we all kno...

Joke from my 8 year old grandson

What do you call a Jamaican finger in your belly?

Poke, mon.

A Grandad and his Grandson are having a conversation

Grandad: Your generation relies to much on technology

Grandson: No, YOUR generation relies to much on technology

*Grandson pulls the plug on his Grandad's life support*

My 5 year old grandson came up with this joke, and didn't even realize it was funny and made sense: Why did the basketball player go to the bathroom?

Because he was dribbling. 😊

Once, a grandson was talking to his grandmother

He asked her, “Grandma, why don’t you have a boyfriend?” She replied, “Why, I like to think that my T.V. is my boyfriend. The T.V. gives me everything I want. It makes me happy, it entertains me, it does everything I want, so I like to think that it’s my boyfriend.” Just as she was saying this, the ...

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Grandpa and Grandson

"You kids today don't know what it's like to really live", said Grandpa.

"What do you mean Grandpa?" asked Grandson

"Well, I led a very adventurous life and did many adventurous things. When I was your age, I used to go to France...I would go to France and go to the brothels and drink ...

A grandpa and his 10 year old grandson are at a restaurant...

While they are eating, a baby screams across the restaurant.
The grandpa says "Was that you?"

The 10 year old looked very mad while the grandpa laughed
The next day, the two are watching a world war II movie

During the movie a soldier screams
The boy says "Was that you?...

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A grandmother said to her grandson,

"The young men of today just aren't as polite and charming as they were when I was young."
He replied, "That's because they aren't trying to fuck you now, Grandma."

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Mother-in-law says to her daughter-in-law "I don't mean to offend you, but my grandson looks nothing like my son".

Daughter-in-law replies, "I've got a fanny between my legs, not a fucking photocopier".

A rotary phone asks his grandson how his first week at school was...

"Terrible! I don't think I'll ever be a smart phone!"

"And why is that?"

"They're really putting me through the ringer!"

It was a tough call to make, but the grandfather filled out an application and transferred him to another school over the hangup.

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(NSFW) A grandfather and his 16 year old grandson are on a fishing trip...

The grandfather opens a beer and starts drinking. The grandson asks the grandfather "can I get a sip of that?" The grandfather then asks "can your dick reach your ass?" "No wtf?" the grandson replies. "I'm sorry but then you're not man enough to have a beer" says the grandfather.
Later that day ...

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An older man and his grandson are on a plane when one of the engines starts to fail.

Realizing they are still flying over a mountain range and have nowhere safe to put down, the pilot and co-pilot devise a plan to keep the plane aloft in the sky for everyone's safety. The pilot grabs his microphone and announces to the passengers,

"Hello passengers, this is your captain speak...

A Grandfather talks to his grandson

Grandpa: Back then, for a dollah, I could get rice, milk, sardines, eggs, four boxes of cereal, a bottle of coke, some chips, and a tub of ice cream






Grandson: How about now, Grandpa?





Grandpa: Now a days, it's impossible to do anything with all dem g...

An old Ukrainian is cleaning his hunting rifle one day when his grandson runs in

"Grandfather, the radio says that the Russians have gone into space!"

"All of them?" he asks, putting down his rifle.

"No, only one."

He starts cleaning the rifle again.

An old man asks his grandson "What was that German who keeps hiding my stuff called?"

The grandson replies "Alzheimer".

A Lady goes to buy her grandson a fishing rod.

She goes into Cabela’s to buy a rod and reel for her grandson’s birthday. She doesn’t know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.

The clerk was standing behind the counter wearing dark glasses. She says to him, “Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about thi...

A teenager is at his grandparents' house

He's staying for the weekend and it's pouring down rain outside. He's frustrated that he has to stay inside, so he sits at the window complaining. His grandfather comes up and sits next to him, resting an easy hand on his shoulder before speaking gently.

"Looks like it's raining a fair bit ou...

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A man was cleaning his gun and his grandson asked if he could help

The grandfather replied, "Can your dick touch your ass?" " Well, no. " replied the grandson
The next day the grandfather was skinning a deer and his grandson asked if he could help. The grandfather asked, "Can your dick touch your ass?" Once again the grandson said no.
The next day the young ...

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Grandpa & grandson

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson. He has his hands full with the child screaming for candy, cookies, all sorts of things.

The grandpa is saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long, easy boy." The boy has another outburst an...

what do you call Johnny Cash's millennial grandson

Johnny Bitcoin

My grandson identifies as a waning moon.

I can’t see much of my sun in him.

I asked my grandson if he had a newspaper. He said “nobody buys a newspaper anymore, use my iPad”

He was shocked when it smashed against the wall. That damn fly never knew what hit it.

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A boy and his grandpa

A grandfather is sitting on his porch having a beer when his grandson walks out and asks to try a sip. "Can your dick touch your asshole?" The grandpa asks. "No" says the boy. "Well, then you can't have any" says the grandpa.
The next summer day, it's hot out and the grandson is sitting on the p...

A Jewish grandmother is walking on the beach with her grandson...

Suddenly, a rogue wave comes in and sweeps the grandson out to sea. Distraught, the grandmother looks to the sky and says, "Oh god, i have always been true and faithful to you. Please bring my grandson back." And with that, another wave comes in and deposits the grandson safely on the shore. The gra...

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I spent some quality time with my 5-year old grandson today watching a movie....

Halfway through he asked, "Is that lady going to die?"

"Probably," I replied, "judging by the size of that horse's cock."

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Grandfather tells his grandson about the war.

"One day I and another two soldiers were taken prisoner, and enemies told us that if they fucked us in the ass, they would let us go, and if not, they would execute us.
The first agreed at once. He was fucked in the ass and released.
The second was already led to shoot, at the last moment he a...

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[Long] A grandpa and his grandson go fishing for the day.

They get out to the lake and a few hours go by. The grandpa cracks open a cold beer. The grandson goes “boy grandpa, its pretty hot out here and i dont have anything to drink, do you think i could take a drink of that beer?”
Grandpa looks at him and says “does your dick touch your asshole?”
Th...

My grandson asked me what it's like to be married so I told him to leave me alone.

When he did, I asked him why he was ignoring me

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Taking grandson fishing...

A grandfather was taking his grandson fishing one day. While driving to the lake the grandfather grabbed a beer out of the cooler and popped the top.
Grandson: "Grandpa, grandpa, can I have a drink of your beer?"
Grandpa: "Well, let me ask you a question first. If you pull your pecker down is ...

Savage Grandpa.

Grandson: "Grandpa, why don't you have any life insurance?"

Grandpa: "So you can all be really sad when I die."

Grandpa looks at his grandson and says, "Go hide! Your teacher is here because you skipped school today."

The grandson says, "No, you go hide. I told her you were dead!"

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An old man and his grandson are sitting on the porch.

An elderly man and his grandson are sitting outside on the porch. The grandfather pulls out a cigar, lights it, and proceeds to smoke. The grandson looked upon him with curiosity.

"Papa, may I have a cigar?" The little boy asked.

The old man smirks, "You can, but only if your answer ...

I used to brag to my grandson about how many girls I picked up at Auschwitz.

He said it doesn't count since I used a dust pan and brush.

An old man said to his grandson playing on a tablet...You younger generation are too dependent on technology.

His grandson said...Which one of us needs a pacemaker to live?

A young grandson is talking to his grandfather.

"You know grandpa. Our generation is so much better then yours. We have video games, the internet, cell phones and so much cool technology. Your generation didn't have any of that!"

His grandfather replies;
"You're right, we didn't have any of those things around. That's why we had to inve...

An old man attends his grandson's little league game

He buys a Coke and hotdog. He sits at the top of the bleachers and puts his Coke and hotdog down. As he is about to unwrap the hotdog he hears someone yell HEY CLARENCE!. The old man grabs his Coke and hotdog and stands. He looks around but doesn't see anyone. He sets his Coke and hotdog down and si...

An old man takes his grandson to the park...

In a small town in Scotland, an old man took his young grandson to the park. They see a large slide, and the man tells his grandson to go slide down it.
"How, Grandpa?" Asked the kid.
The old man, wearing a traditional kilt, was hesitant to demonstrate how to slide. But he looked around and ...

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A grandpa has a cigarette, and his grandson asks can I try?

The grandpa asks can your dick touch your asshole? The grandson answers no The grandpa also has a cup of beer, and the grandson asks can I try it? The grandpa asks can your dick touch your asshole? The grandson answers no Later the the grandson has a cookie and the grandpa says that looks like a goo...

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Grandpa takes grandson fishing...

So this grandpa takes his grandson out on the boat to go fishing at the lake. After they find their spot and drop anchor, the grandpa tells the grandson, "hey kid, go get me a beer from the cooler"

the grandson gets the beer and hands it to him and asks "hey grandpa, can I have one?"
...

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A grandpa tells his teen grandson: "I will put 100 dollars under your pillow if you can find me a viagra pill right now". Ten minutes later grandson gives grandpa a viagra pill.

Next morning grandson looks under his pillow and finds 1,100 dollars. He goes to grandpa and says: "Grandpa what happened? Why did you give me 1,000 dollars more?" and grandpa says: "I only gave you 100 dollars. The rest is from your granny"

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Grandfather tells a story about WW2 to his grandson..

"You know when Germans caught us in WW2 they gave us a choice, they could fuck us or kill us."
"So what did they do to you?"
"They killed me!"

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[NSFW] Granddad and Grandson are out fishing

Granddad and Grandson are out fishing. Granddad reaches into his overall bib pocket and pulls out a pack of cigarettes.
Grandson looks on and says "Granddad, can I have one?"
Granddad taken back by the question fumbles for a response and asks "we'll grandson, umm can you dick touch your ass ho...

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I took my grandson camping

On the drive to the camp spot, I lit up a cigar. He looks at me and asks "Can I try a puff?" I replied "Well, let me ask you something, can your dick touch your asshole?" He shook his head. "Then ya ain't old enough.

During camp setup I cracked open a beer. He asks if he can have one too. "We...

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A grandfather takes his grandson on a fishing trip.

It's about midday, and the grandfather reaches in the cooler and pulls out a beer. The boy looks over, excited, and says, "Well I say Grandpa! That looks pretty good! Can I have one?"

The Grandfather thinks for a moment and asks, "Can you make your dick touch your asshole?"

Bashful, an...

A Jewish grandmother takes her grandson to the ocean...

The boy, dressed for a blustery day, is frolicking near the shore when a large wave crashes over him and carries him away.

The grandmother frantically searches but cannot find him. She weeps and hails above crying out to whatever force might listen "why, why, why, please he is only an inno...

One evening, Grandma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to fetch some water...

One evening, Grandma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to fetch some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. Dropping the bucket, he ran back to the kitchen.
“Where’s the water?” she asked him. “And my bucket?”
“I can’t ...

A grandma is shopping with her grandson

A grandma is shopping with her grandson.The grandson picks up a toy and the grandma shouts: "Degree put the toy back"!
A woman who was shopping heard this and asked, is that his name? The grandma replied "Yes I sent his mother to university and this is what she brought back"

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A grandfather and grandson were standing on hill above town.

The grandfather says, "Peter, you see all those houses? When I first came here I helped build all those houses. Do they call me Michael the House Builder? No."

The grandfather points at a church, "Peter, you see that church? I built that church from the ground up. Do the call me Michael the C...

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Frank and his grandson are sitting on a hill above their town

"You see that house down there?" Frank says to his grandson,

"I built that house, but they don't call me Frank the house builder."

Frank continues.

"And that Church, you see that church son? I built that church for the townspeople so the can all gather and worship. And that wa...

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The old man and his grandson

An old man took his grandson to town but ran into some old friends playing poker and decided to join them.

His grandson asked, "Can I play too?"

The old man said, "Is your dick long enough to touch your asshole?"

The boy replied, "No."

The grandfather then said, "Then yo...

An old man finds a condom in his grandson's apartment and asks what it is.

"It's a condom," replies the grandson, sheepishly.

"What do you use it for?" asks Grandpa.

The grandson is embarrassed, so he says, "I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain."

Grandpa says, "That's a great idea." He goes to the drug store and asks the pharmaci...

A grandmother was shopping with her grandson...

A grandmother was shopping in town with her 4 year old grandson. As they sit down on the bus home, she passes him some chocolate. After he eats it, he asks for another piece.
"No dear. If you eat too much chocolate, you'll get fat."

At the next stop, a heavily pregnant lady gets on to the...

A father goes to see his newborn grandson at the hospital

When he holds his grandson for the first time, he looks at his son and says with tears in his eyes "I'm a grandpa!"

Tears come to his sons eyes as he replies "Hi Grandpa, Im dad."

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An old man walks around town with his grandson...

"Today," he informs the young boy, "I will teach you about the hypocrisy of society."
"Look at the road before us," he went on. "I helped build this road, and many others in this county, when I was only 16. Yet no one calls me 'Road Builder,' 'Trail Maker,' or anything of the sort."
They went ...

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Grandson, can your dick touch your ass?

A grandson and a grandpa lived together by themselves. One day, the grandson sees his grandpa smoking a cig. Grandson asks, "Hey papaw, can I take a drag off of that?" The grandpa says, "Can your dick touch your ass?" The grandson says no, and grandpa sends him on his way.

The next day, his ...

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Grandfather, Grandmother and grandson are in the farm

Grandfather, Grandmother and grandson are in the farm. Granddad is cutting the wood with an axe and Grandson is helping Grandma to sort the harvested corn. Suddenly a strong breeze blows up the grandma’s skirt. Unfortunately, she was not wearing underwear and kid saw everything. After couple seconds...

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A grandfather and grandson are fishing together...

A grandfather and his grandson are fishing together off of a dock. They are both sitting in silence until the grandfather pulls out a bottle of whiskey from his lunch bag and pours himself a glass. The grandson asks,

"Grandpa, may I please try some of your whiskey?"

To which the grand...

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Grandpa is fishing with his 12yrs old grandson...

...and after some time, the grandpa lights a cigarette. The boy asks:

"Grandpa, could I have a cigarette too?"

"Is your dick long enough to reach your asshole?" asks the old man.

"No..."

"Then you're too young for this."

They keep fishing. After a while, the grandp...

On a hot afternoon, Scrooge the miser and his grandson, Tim, were walking home from a party.

Tim complains, "Gramps, it's still a long way back to our house. It's hot and I'm tired. Look, there's a bus stop here. Can we please take the bus home?"

Scrooge is aghast. "It'll cost us six dollars to get home from here! What a waste of money! We'll walk it."

Tim sighs, but he's a ...

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My 11-year-old grandson spent a beautiful

My 11-year-old grandson spent a beautiful Saturday playing video games. His older sister tried coaxing him outside by warning, “Someday, you’re going to be 30 years old, single, and living in Mom’s basement playing video games all day!”

His reply: “I can only dream.”

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An old WWII veteran was speaking with his grandson

and extolling the virtues of being reckless and enjoying life while young.
"When I was your age, I went to Paris with some lads and we had a great time! We had our way with any French women we wanted, pissed on the Eifel tower, and beat the shit out of every Frog that crossed our paths! You have...

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A grandfather and grandson go to a shopping mall...

All of a sudden the grandson turns around and looks around and realizes he can't find his grandpa. A security guard comes up to this little boy and asks...
"Can I help you boy?"
The little boy reply's "I cant find my grandpa!"
So then the security guard asks "Well, whats his name?"
"Um...

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Grandpa and his Grandson

Grandpa was smoking his cigar, when his grandson came up and asked "Hey grandpa, can I have a smoke from your cigar?"

Grandpa said "Does your dick touch your asshole?"

Grandson said "no.." - "Then you can't have a smoke of my cigar" said grandpa.

Grandpa was drinking his beer, ...

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I was watching my grandson play some word game on his phone.

He was repositioning two A's, an E, an I, an O and a U.

"Jason, that's the messiest vowel movement I've ever seen," I told him.

He replied, "You've never seen my shit after I eat alphabet soup, Grandpa."

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A grandfather and his grandson are on a flight home when an engine blows...

The pilot comes on the intercom "This is your captain speaking. We seem to have lost an engine and we are quickly losing altitude. So to reduce weight we will need to dump all the cargo and luggage." All the cargo and luggage gets dumped and the pilot comes on the intercom again "This is your captai...

A Ukranian man is out on a walk with his grandson. The little boy turns to him and asks, "Grandfather, is it true that there was a nuclear disaster here many years ago?"

A Ukranian man is out on a walk with his grandson. The little boy turns to him and asks, "Grandfather, is it true that there was a nuclear disaster here many years ago?"
"Yes, child," he says, patting his grandson's head.
"But I heard that there were no consequences at all; is this true too?"<...

My Grandson Is A Smart Egg…

At the mall, my five-year-old grandson joined the other children in line waiting to sit on the Easter Bunny’s lap. When it was his turn, Jake didn’t move; he just stared.

“Don’t you want to sit on the bunny’s lap?” I asked.

“No!” he shouted. “There’s a man in his mouth!”

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A grandfather and his grandson are out fishing on a lake...

The man reaches into the cooler and grabs a beer. The grandson asks "Can I have one of those, grandpa?"
The grandfather thinks for a moment and responds "Can you put your dick in your ass?" Perplexed the boy responds "No..." "Then you're not old enough." The grandfather explained.

Shortly ...

A grandfather takes his grandson hunting for the first time

They are on the look-out when a young deer appears in the middle of the clearing, the little one raises his rifle but his grandfather stops him saying "that one is too young, let's wait a bit more".

They wait, and a magnificent deer in the prime of his years struts into the clearing and the ...

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An old Jewish man was finally allowed to leave the Soviet Union, to emigrate to Israel.

When he was searched at the Moscow airport, the customs official found a bust of Lenin.

Customs: What is that?

Old man: What is that? What is that?! Don't say "What is that?" say "Who is that?" That is Lenin! The genius who thought up this worker's paradise!

The official laughed...

An old man an his grandson are taking a walk one crisp fall afternoon...

When the old man asks his grandson what he wanted to be when he grrw up.

"I wanna be rich like you granpa!" , responded the boy

Now the old man had worked hard all his life. Started off as an employee at a small company and ended up owning it. He almost never spent his hard earned mone...

Hey grandson, what's the name of that german man who makes me go crazy?

Alzheimer, grandma, Alzheimer...

A Policeman, Heart Surgeon, Lawyer, Grandfather and his Grandson are flying in on a plane...

...They hear this load bang, and then some alarms go off.

"Uh...This is your captain speaking. We seem to have taken damage to our engines and the plane is going down. Please grab a parachute and exit the plane immediately. Because this is not a ship, I don't plan on going down with it"
<...

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So this grandson is hanging out with his grandfather..

So this grandson is hanging out with his grandfather when grandpa lights up a cigar "Grandpa Joe, can I have a cigar too?"
"Well little Jimmy, can you dick touch your asshole?" little Jimmy shakes his head "No Grandpa Joe, it can't" "Well little Jimmy, you're not man enough to smoke a cigar yet" ...

As his son has turned 19 today, a father starts a serious father-son talk...

The father says: „Son, you‘ve reached age of majority today. You‘re an adult now. But you‘re still a virgin, so we have to tackle this. Here‘s 50 bucks, now go to the docks and have fun with a hooker. After that, you can call yourself not only an adult but also a man.“

The son takes the $50 a...

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An Arab family was considering putting their grandfather Abdullah in a nursing home.

All the Arab Facilities were completely full, so they had to put him in an Italian home.
After a few weeks in the Italian facility, they came to visit Abdullah.

"How do you like it here?" Asked the grandson.
It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful," said Abdu...

Happy marriage

One day a young man asks his grandfather, "How have you and Grandma had successful marriage?"

The old man replies "When we first got married we made a very important agreement. As the man, I would handle all of the big important decisions. Then she would handle all the smaller less importan...

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An old man and his grandson are sitting on a porch...

The old man pulls out a cigar and starts puffing it. The grandson asks "Grandad can I have a puff?"
The old man replies "Does your dick touch your asshole?"
the boy replies "Of course not Grandpa!"
"Then you ain't man enough for this!" he says.
Soon after the man pulls out a bottle of s...

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Soviet Joke about Jews.

Little Jewish boy Moishe comes home, walks up to his mother, and says:

“Mom, mom, I wrote at school today in the column “Nationality" that I’m Russian! “Son, what do you eat for lunch every day?” - "Chicken!" - "And now you will eat potatoes, like all Russian children."

Moishe becomes ...

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Before landing in Thailand...

...the captain kindly reminds the passengers to be careful who they meet and for what, because 50% of population has HIV and the other 50% tuberculosis.

One old man couldn't hear properly, so asked his grandson, what the captain said.

The man replied:

- To fuck only the coughi...

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Old Gramps

Grandson visited his old Gramps.

"Hey Gramps, i make a trip with some friends to Europe. We want to visit Paris."

&#x200B;

The old man smiled and replied:

"Oh, thats really nice. I was with my buddys there as well when i was younger.

We had a lot of fun. Best ...

It's a lot of rubbish when people talk about "how good" modern kids are these days with technology.

My grandson is staying for the weekend, and he looks absolutely clueless with my VCR and VHS tapes.

Just heard this variation on an oldie!

A hat maker was trying to sell his hats on a hot summers day. After having no luck for 4 hours under the sun, he decided to take a short rest underneath a gigantic tree. He set his briefcase of hats down, took one out to cover his face, and laid down on the grass. With the shade from his hat and the...

A Jewish Grandmother was at the beach...

A Jewish grandmother and her grandson are at the beach. He is playing in the water; she is standing on the shore not wanting to get her feet wet. Suddenly, a huge wave appears from nowhere and crashes directly onto the spot where the boy is wading. The water recedes and the boy is no longer there. H...

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Grandpa feels like a horse!

A Grandpa is talking with his grandson.

Grandpa: I'm tell you boy, since I take these vitamins, I feel like a HORSE!

Grandson: Oh yeah Grandpa, you and Grandma are "getting busy"?

Grandpa: No, but I can walk and poop at the same time...

An electrical engineer is at his grandpa's funeral

His parents never told him how his grandpa had passed, so he walks around the funeral party asking for clues.
"He was at the gym" said one friend, but grandpa had a strong body and heart thought the grandson.
"It was in the bathroom," said a cousin quietly, but he would say no more.
"It was...

“Hi! My name is Gertrude,” says the lady to the man next to her on the airplane.

“It’s so nice to meet you! I’m flying to New York for my grandson’s third birthday. I’m so excited! I remember when he was just a little pumpkin and now he’s already three! It’s really hard to believe. He’s the most adorable thing you’ve ever seen! You know what? Hold on, I think I might have a pict...

A young boy finds his grandfather, an avid gardener, working in his garden one afternoon.

“What do you usually put on your celery?” the boy asks his grandfather. The old man wipes the sweat and dirt from his forehead. He’s amazed his grandson has taken such an interest in his hobby. “Well, I usually put on a mix of enriched soil and rotted horse manure.” “That’s weird,” the grandson repl...

What's your best knock knock joke?

My grandson gets the giggles big time.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Olive.

Olive who?

Olive you. Do you love me too?

The Jewish Lawyer and the Rabbi

<Long-ish>

A Jewish lawyer, distraught and in a semi-panic, ran to his Rabbi pleading, "Rabbi! Rabbi! You must help me!"

The Rabbi, quite concerned, inquired, "What is it? What is wrong? How may I help?"

"It's my son. He just called me. He told me he and his family are con...

A story about cold water

I visited my papaw who lives in a cabin in the woods after he was widowed. I planned to stay for a few days.
The first day he made dinner, as I was going to make my plate, I noticed my dish was dirty.
I asked papaw "do you have any clean dishes around?"
"No, that's about as good as cold ...

Went out with a bang...

A tough old cowboy with grizzled hair, chiseled featured, and hands tougher than the sharpest barbs on new wire told his grandson that the secret to living a long life was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on his oatmeal every morning.

With absolute faith, the grandson did as Grandpap instruc...

“Grandpa, grandpa! I’m watching a soccer game!”

Grandpa: “Who’s playing?”

Grandson: “Austria-Hungary”

Grandpa: “Against who?”

An old man is lying on his deathbed

An old man is lying on his deathbed, when he smells the delicious aroma of freshly-baked apple pie. He calls over his grandson and whispers, "Boy, go ask your grandma for a slice of that pie."

The boy scampers off and returns a minute later, replying, "Grandma says no, it's for after the fune...

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My grandpa told me "All you kids do these days is play video games"...

"When I was your age", he continued, "my buddies and I went to Paris; we went to the Moulin Rouge and I fucked a dancer on stage, we didn't pay for our drinks all night and when the bartender complained we pissed on him”

The grandson thinks his grandfather is right. He goes to Paris and the M...

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Grandad and hos granson

A grandad and his grandson was on a fishing boat. The grandad takes a cookie out. The grandson asks can he have one? The grandad asked "can your dick touch your ass?". The grandson says "no". The grandad says "then you cant have one then".

A couple of years pass....

The two are on the ...

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What has become of the times

One day an old man and his grandson were walking in a park. They saw two dogs shagging in the grass.

Grandson:(pointing) Look at those dogs Grandpa!

Grandpa: GS the dog below is helping the dog above to walk what's to point at that.

GS: What has become of the times when helping ...

Two sclerotic grannies are coming back from the cinema.

They encounter a grandson of one of them, who asks:
- "Hi grandma, what movie did you watch at the cinema?"
The old lady tries to remember the word she wants to say, but has trouble due to her bad memory, so she tries to guide the boy with the hints.
- "Umm... It's that thing that sticks fr...

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You know the rule...

One day and grandson walks up to his grandpa sitting on the porch.

Grandson asks the grandpa if he can have a drink of his whiskey. The grandpa looks at him and asks if his dick touches his asshole? Puzzled the grandson tries and can’t do it. The grandpa tells him he can’t have any of his wh...

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An 18 year old asks his 91 year old grandpa to go fishing.

Grandpa: Let's go skydiving instead.

Grandson: Aren't you afraid that something could go wrong and we could die?

Grandpa: As old as I am dying is only my third biggest fear.

Grandson: What's your second?

Grandpa: Not making the most out of the time I have left.

Th...

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A Grand Dad and a Kid are in the kitchen. The grand dad is smoking a cigar.

So the kid says hey grand pa can I have a puff of that cigar?

The grand dad says "Can your Dick touch your asshole ?" to which the kid replies "No it can't" so the grand dad says "you can't have a puff of the cigar" .The kid walks away angrily.

The next day the kid walks in on the gran...

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Three kingdoms lay on a triangle lake

One kingdom lies on each side of the lake. For decades, the king's had argued over it's true owner, each claiming to be the first kingdom to settle there, and many tales of magical swords and godly favours to claim divine right. Eventually, this story telling and legal battling came to no conclusion...

An old man is dying..

His grandson asks him, "papa.. What will happen to your body when you die?" the grandfather looks up weakly at him and says, "I decay...". Just then his monitor flat lines and the boy sat wondering why his grandfather didnt know what would happen to his corpse.

A man went to a German food stand

A young man went to a German food stand to order a bratwurst. As he gets his order, both ends of the sausage were missing. It was nonetheless the best bratwurst he has ever tasted so he decides to ask why the ends were missing and if it improves the taste somehow.
The cook answered that just does...

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