Grandpa is dying & calls his grandson

Grandpa is dying & calls his grandson to his bed, "Billy, I leave for you my chrome-plated .38 revolver."

"But Grandpa, I don't like guns. How about you leave me your gold Rolex watch instead?"

"Billy, listen to your old man. Someday you have to run my business. Someday you're gonn...

A Jewish Grandmother Is Watching Her Grandson Play On The Beach.

All of a sudden, a huge wave comes and takes him out to sea.

She looks up and pleads, "Please God, save my only grandson. I beg of you, my life has no meaning without him. Please bring him back.

And a big wave comes and washes the boy back onto the beach, good as new.

She looks ...

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A Scot and his grandson are sitting on a hill....

The Scot says to his grandson:

"Look at those houses in our village, I built them with my bare hands! But do they call me Peter the Builder? No!.

Look at that big farm outside our village, I farmed it with my bare hands! But do they call me Peter the Farmer? No!.

But you shag o...

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Grandpa and Grandson go fishing

Grampa decides to take his grandson fishing. They put the boat in the water. Row the boat out a little ways. Grandson casts his line and then once grandpa gets the anchor in he casts his line leans back and opens a beer. This is their conversation.

"GrandPa"
"Yes Grandson"
"Can I h...

Grandma asks her grandson

“Hey sweetie, what’s the name of that German guy that goes around my house hiding my stuff?”
“Alzheimer grandma, Alzheimer!”

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Grandpa takes grandson to a picnic

They sit down under a tree and grandpa pulls out a cigarette

Grandson asks "can I have a cigarette? "
Grandpa answers " can your dick reach your asshole?"
Grandson "no"
Grandpa " then you're not old enough to smoke"

Few minutes later grandpa pulls out a beer

Grandson "c...

A grandad is telling a story to his grandson.

GRANDAD:"When I was a little boy like you, my mum used to give me only a one single dollar. And with that I got two packs of milk, a lot of eggs and two bags of potatoes."

GRANDSON: "But why you can't do that now?"

GRANDAD:Because nowadays there are too many of these f***ing cctv's."

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A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson.

He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, all sorts of things. The grandad is saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long . . . easy boy."

Another outburst and she hears the grandad calmly say: "It's okay William. Just a couple more minutes and ...

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An old man tsks at his great-grandson playing Fortnite

"This is what you kids do for fun these days? Why back in my day, we'd go to the Moulin Rouge in Paris, fuck all the dancers, piss all over the bar, and leave without paying!"

He didn't think anything more of it until a month later when his great-grandson limped into his house on a pair of cr...

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An old man is sitting with his grandson in his hunting cabin...

Among the walls are the mounted heads and pelts of animals he had taken down over the years.

The boy points to a sizable pair of antlers, and says "Wow Grandpa, those are *big* antlers!"

"They sure are. That deer was a majestic creature," the old man responds.

The boy then poin...

In his grandfather's overcoat pocket, a man finds a ticket for shoes left for repair in 1955

A man is cleaning out his grandfathers home after the grandfather passed away at 90.
In one of the grandfathers old overcoats pockets he finds a ticket for some shoes that the grandfather had left to be repaired, dated from 1955.
In curiosity the man checks online and is surprised to see t...

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A grandfather takes his 10 year old grandson fishing

They're sitting in the boat out on the lake dangling their lines when the old man pulls out a pack of cigs and lights one up
"Can I have a cigarette grandad?"
Oh dear, thinks the grandad, better think of a way out of this
"Tell you what" grandad says "can your willy bend round and touch you...

An old Ukrainian is cleaning his hunting rifle one day when his grandson runs in

"Grandfather, the radio says that the Russians have gone into space!"

"All of them?" he asks, putting down his rifle.

"No, only one."

He starts cleaning the rifle again.

One day, grandpa is taking care of his grandson...

Sitting on the porch, he's watching him picking up worms and trying to put them back in their holes on the dirt.

-That won't work, son. They're too soft and too slimy to be inserted like that.

-Wanna bet, grandpa?

-I'm telling you, it won't work.

-How about $10?

Se...

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A grandson and his grandfather go fishing when the grandson asks his grandpa for a beer....

“Well can your pecker touch your butt?” The boy confused replies, “uhm no it can’t grandpa”. He looks at him and says “sorry kid not today then”. Some time passes and now the kid has grown into a man and decides to take his grandpa out fishing again. His grandpa opens up a beer and starts fishing wh...

Joke from my 8 year old grandson

What do you call a Jamaican finger in your belly?

Poke, mon.

My grandson told me a joke about alzheimer and...

My grandson told me a joke about alzheimer...

My grandson

Edit: please go easy on this joke - my 15 year old daughter made it.

A woman takes her eight-year-old grandson to the beach.

A giant wave comes crashing in and sweeps the little boy out to sea. She looks up at the heavens. "God", she says, "please. He's my only grandson. I love him more than life itself. Please, bring him back to me."

She looks up. Suddenly, the waters part. A ray of light shines from the sky. She ...

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Old Jew Joke - "The Jewish Elbow"

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push-button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is...

A Grandad and his Grandson are having a conversation

Grandad: Your generation relies to much on technology

Grandson: No, YOUR generation relies to much on technology

*Grandson pulls the plug on his Grandad's life support*

Once, a grandson was talking to his grandmother

He asked her, “Grandma, why don’t you have a boyfriend?” She replied, “Why, I like to think that my T.V. is my boyfriend. The T.V. gives me everything I want. It makes me happy, it entertains me, it does everything I want, so I like to think that it’s my boyfriend.” Just as she was saying this, the ...

An old man was explaining to his grandson about major things that happened in his life.

“Now most people associate salsa as a Mexican condiment”, he said. “But actually we loved mayonnaise”. “Wow!”, said the boy. “Most people don’t know that in 1912 after docking in New York, the titanic’s next stop was the eastern shores of Mexico. And below the deck was 15 tons of mayo. As we all kno...

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Mother-in-law says to her daughter-in-law "I don't mean to offend you, but my grandson looks nothing like my son".

Daughter-in-law replies, "I've got a fanny between my legs, not a fucking photocopier".

My 5 year old grandson came up with this joke, and didn't even realize it was funny and made sense: Why did the basketball player go to the bathroom?

Because he was dribbling. 😊

A Grandfather talks to his grandson

Grandpa: Back then, for a dollah, I could get rice, milk, sardines, eggs, four boxes of cereal, a bottle of coke, some chips, and a tub of ice cream






Grandson: How about now, Grandpa?





Grandpa: Now a days, it's impossible to do anything with all dem g...

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves.

The boy sees a worm trying to crawl into an anthill. "I bet fifty bucks that I can get that worm into that anthill!" says the boy. "Your on," says the grandfather. "That worm is too wiggly."

The boy runs into the house, comes back with a can of hairspray, and sprays it on the worm until the ...

An old Mob boss is on his deathbed.

He requests to see his 24 year old Grandson. He tells him, "Here grandson I want you to have this gun so you can remember me." The grandson not impressed says, "I don't care much for your gun although I love your beautiful Rolex watch grandpa."

Mob boss responds, "No child you need to listen....

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A grandmother said to her grandson,

"The young men of today just aren't as polite and charming as they were when I was young."
He replied, "That's because they aren't trying to fuck you now, Grandma."

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(NSFW) A grandfather and his 16 year old grandson are on a fishing trip...

The grandfather opens a beer and starts drinking. The grandson asks the grandfather "can I get a sip of that?" The grandfather then asks "can your dick reach your ass?" "No wtf?" the grandson replies. "I'm sorry but then you're not man enough to have a beer" says the grandfather.
Later that day ...

TIL that the "o" in Irish names denote that you're a grandson

My great-great-great-great grandfather was Reilly, Vehiclepiece. I'm O'O'O'Reilly, Autoparts

A rotary phone asks his grandson how his first week at school was...

"Terrible! I don't think I'll ever be a smart phone!"

"And why is that?"

"They're really putting me through the ringer!"

It was a tough call to make, but the grandfather filled out an application and transferred him to another school over the hangup.

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A man was cleaning his gun and his grandson asked if he could help

The grandfather replied, "Can your dick touch your ass?" " Well, no. " replied the grandson
The next day the grandfather was skinning a deer and his grandson asked if he could help. The grandfather asked, "Can your dick touch your ass?" Once again the grandson said no.
The next day the young ...

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BB'S In The Cookie Dough

(This is an older joke but one of my favorites)

Three children always go to their Grandmothers house for Christmas Eve.

Every Christmas Eve their Grandmother would prepare a big bowl of cookie dough that they would all bake cookies with on Christmas morning.

Yet every Christmas ...

A young grandson is talking to his grandfather.

"You know grandpa. Our generation is so much better then yours. We have video games, the internet, cell phones and so much cool technology. Your generation didn't have any of that!"

His grandfather replies;
"You're right, we didn't have any of those things around. That's why we had to inve...

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An old Jewish man was finally allowed to leave the Soviet Union, to emigrate to Israel.

When he was searched at the Moscow airport, the customs official found a bust of Lenin.

Customs: What is that?

Old man: What is that? What is that?! Don't say "What is that?" say "Who is that?" That is Lenin! The genius who thought up this worker's paradise!

The official laughed...

A Lady goes to buy her grandson a fishing rod.

She goes into Cabela’s to buy a rod and reel for her grandson’s birthday. She doesn’t know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.

The clerk was standing behind the counter wearing dark glasses. She says to him, “Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about thi...

I'll never forget my grandfather's words right before he kicked the can.

He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Grandson, watch how far I can kick this can!"

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I spent some quality time with my 5-year old grandson today watching a movie....

Halfway through he asked, "Is that lady going to die?"

"Probably," I replied, "judging by the size of that horse's cock."

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My grandpa told me “All you kids do these days is play video games.”

“When I was your age”, he continued, “my buddies and I went to Paris, We went to the Moulin Rouge and I fucked a dancer on stage, pissed on the bartender and didn’t pay for my drinks all night!”

The grandson thinks his grandfather is right. He goes to Paris and the Moulin Rouge with his frien...

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A grandson is asking his grandfather "Tell me about war"

He replies
"It was horrible time. Once nazis came surrounded us and said "Either we shoot you or we f.ck you in the ass"
The grandson says "And what did you choose?"
Grandfather "I was shot, grandson, I was shot"

My grandson asked me what it's like to be married so I told him to leave me alone.

When he did, I asked him why he was ignoring me

My grandson identifies as a waning moon.

I can’t see much of my sun in him.

Grandpa looks at his grandson and says, "Go hide! Your teacher is here because you skipped school today."

The grandson says, "No, you go hide. I told her you were dead!"

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A boy and his grandpa

One day a boy’s grandpa was watching TV and drinking a beer.

He sat down and asked if he could have some of the beer.

“Is your wiener long enough to touch your butthole?”
“Nope.”

“Then you’re too young to share my beer,” his grandpa chuckled

A couple of weeks later...

I used to brag to my grandson about how many girls I picked up at Auschwitz.

He said it doesn't count since I used a dust pan and brush.

I asked my grandson if he had a newspaper. He said “nobody buys a newspaper anymore, use my iPad”

He was shocked when it smashed against the wall. That damn fly never knew what hit it.

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Grandfather tells his grandson about the war.

"One day I and another two soldiers were taken prisoner, and enemies told us that if they fucked us in the ass, they would let us go, and if not, they would execute us.
The first agreed at once. He was fucked in the ass and released.
The second was already led to shoot, at the last moment he a...

An old man takes his grandson to the park...

In a small town in Scotland, an old man took his young grandson to the park. They see a large slide, and the man tells his grandson to go slide down it.
"How, Grandpa?" Asked the kid.
The old man, wearing a traditional kilt, was hesitant to demonstrate how to slide. But he looked around and ...

One evening, Grandma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to fetch some water...

One evening, Grandma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to fetch some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. Dropping the bucket, he ran back to the kitchen.
“Where’s the water?” she asked him. “And my bucket?”
“I can’t ...

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Taking grandson fishing...

A grandfather was taking his grandson fishing one day. While driving to the lake the grandfather grabbed a beer out of the cooler and popped the top.
Grandson: "Grandpa, grandpa, can I have a drink of your beer?"
Grandpa: "Well, let me ask you a question first. If you pull your pecker down is ...

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A grandpa tells his teen grandson: "I will put 100 dollars under your pillow if you can find me a viagra pill right now". Ten minutes later grandson gives grandpa a viagra pill.

Next morning grandson looks under his pillow and finds 1,100 dollars. He goes to grandpa and says: "Grandpa what happened? Why did you give me 1,000 dollars more?" and grandpa says: "I only gave you 100 dollars. The rest is from your granny"

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I took my grandson camping

On the drive to the camp spot, I lit up a cigar. He looks at me and asks "Can I try a puff?" I replied "Well, let me ask you something, can your dick touch your asshole?" He shook his head. "Then ya ain't old enough.

During camp setup I cracked open a beer. He asks if he can have one too. "We...

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A grandfather takes his grandson on a fishing trip.

It's about midday, and the grandfather reaches in the cooler and pulls out a beer. The boy looks over, excited, and says, "Well I say Grandpa! That looks pretty good! Can I have one?"

The Grandfather thinks for a moment and asks, "Can you make your dick touch your asshole?"

Bashful, an...

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The old man and his grandson

An old man took his grandson to town but ran into some old friends playing poker and decided to join them.

His grandson asked, "Can I play too?"

The old man said, "Is your dick long enough to touch your asshole?"

The boy replied, "No."

The grandfather then said, "Then yo...

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An old man and his grandson are sitting on the porch.

An elderly man and his grandson are sitting outside on the porch. The grandfather pulls out a cigar, lights it, and proceeds to smoke. The grandson looked upon him with curiosity.

"Papa, may I have a cigar?" The little boy asked.

The old man smirks, "You can, but only if your answer ...

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An old man walks around town with his grandson...

"Today," he informs the young boy, "I will teach you about the hypocrisy of society."
"Look at the road before us," he went on. "I helped build this road, and many others in this county, when I was only 16. Yet no one calls me 'Road Builder,' 'Trail Maker,' or anything of the sort."
They went ...

A grandma is shopping with her grandson

A grandma is shopping with her grandson.The grandson picks up a toy and the grandma shouts: "Degree put the toy back"!
A woman who was shopping heard this and asked, is that his name? The grandma replied "Yes I sent his mother to university and this is what she brought back"

An old man attends his grandson's little league game

He buys a Coke and hotdog. He sits at the top of the bleachers and puts his Coke and hotdog down. As he is about to unwrap the hotdog he hears someone yell HEY CLARENCE!. The old man grabs his Coke and hotdog and stands. He looks around but doesn't see anyone. He sets his Coke and hotdog down and si...

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A grandfather and grandson were standing on hill above town.

The grandfather says, "Peter, you see all those houses? When I first came here I helped build all those houses. Do they call me Michael the House Builder? No."

The grandfather points at a church, "Peter, you see that church? I built that church from the ground up. Do the call me Michael the C...

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A 60 year old man was starting at a 17 year old teen, particularly his hair, on the bus.

The boy, who had just coloured his hair various shades started feeling uncomfortable by the old man's gaze. Unable to take it anymore, the boy shouted - "What is it old man? Can't stomach when people do wild things?"

The old man replied - "I once fucked a peacock when I was a teen. Wondering ...

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Frank and his grandson are sitting on a hill above their town

"You see that house down there?" Frank says to his grandson,

"I built that house, but they don't call me Frank the house builder."

Frank continues.

"And that Church, you see that church son? I built that church for the townspeople so the can all gather and worship. And that wa...

5 people are in a plane

The president of the USA. The pilot, the worlds smartest man, a grandfather and his grandson

There is a malfunction in the plane and everyone has to get out but, there are 4 parachutes and 5 people.

The pilot says, “ I’m the pilot, I should get to go.” So he takes a parachute and jump...

A Jewish grandmother takes her grandson to the ocean...

The boy, dressed for a blustery day, is frolicking near the shore when a large wave crashes over him and carries him away.

The grandmother frantically searches but cannot find him. She weeps and hails above crying out to whatever force might listen "why, why, why, please he is only an inno...

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Grandpa is fishing with his 12yrs old grandson...

...and after some time, the grandpa lights a cigarette. The boy asks:

"Grandpa, could I have a cigarette too?"

"Is your dick long enough to reach your asshole?" asks the old man.

"No..."

"Then you're too young for this."

They keep fishing. After a while, the grandp...

Grandfather Joke

A grandfather told his grandson that his generation was too reliant on technology.

The grandson responded “No Grandpa, your generation is too reliant on technology”

He then disconnected his life support.

A father goes to see his newborn grandson at the hospital

When he holds his grandson for the first time, he looks at his son and says with tears in his eyes "I'm a grandpa!"

Tears come to his sons eyes as he replies "Hi Grandpa, Im dad."

A grandmother was shopping with her grandson...

A grandmother was shopping in town with her 4 year old grandson. As they sit down on the bus home, she passes him some chocolate. After he eats it, he asks for another piece.
"No dear. If you eat too much chocolate, you'll get fat."

At the next stop, a heavily pregnant lady gets on to the...

An old man finds a condom in his grandson's apartment and asks what it is.

"It's a condom," replies the grandson, sheepishly.

"What do you use it for?" asks Grandpa.

The grandson is embarrassed, so he says, "I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain."

Grandpa says, "That's a great idea." He goes to the drug store and asks the pharmaci...

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[NSFW] Granddad and Grandson are out fishing

Granddad and Grandson are out fishing. Granddad reaches into his overall bib pocket and pulls out a pack of cigarettes.
Grandson looks on and says "Granddad, can I have one?"
Granddad taken back by the question fumbles for a response and asks "we'll grandson, umm can you dick touch your ass ho...

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Grandson, can your dick touch your ass?

A grandson and a grandpa lived together by themselves. One day, the grandson sees his grandpa smoking a cig. Grandson asks, "Hey papaw, can I take a drag off of that?" The grandpa says, "Can your dick touch your ass?" The grandson says no, and grandpa sends him on his way.

The next day, his ...

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A grandfather and grandson go to a shopping mall...

All of a sudden the grandson turns around and looks around and realizes he can't find his grandpa. A security guard comes up to this little boy and asks...
"Can I help you boy?"
The little boy reply's "I cant find my grandpa!"
So then the security guard asks "Well, whats his name?"
"Um...

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Grandfather, Grandmother and grandson are in the farm

Grandfather, Grandmother and grandson are in the farm. Granddad is cutting the wood with an axe and Grandson is helping Grandma to sort the harvested corn. Suddenly a strong breeze blows up the grandma’s skirt. Unfortunately, she was not wearing underwear and kid saw everything. After couple seconds...

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A grandfather and grandson are fishing together...

A grandfather and his grandson are fishing together off of a dock. They are both sitting in silence until the grandfather pulls out a bottle of whiskey from his lunch bag and pours himself a glass. The grandson asks,

"Grandpa, may I please try some of your whiskey?"

To which the grand...

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My 11-year-old grandson spent a beautiful

My 11-year-old grandson spent a beautiful Saturday playing video games. His older sister tried coaxing him outside by warning, “Someday, you’re going to be 30 years old, single, and living in Mom’s basement playing video games all day!”

His reply: “I can only dream.”

A Ukranian man is out on a walk with his grandson. The little boy turns to him and asks, "Grandfather, is it true that there was a nuclear disaster here many years ago?"

A Ukranian man is out on a walk with his grandson. The little boy turns to him and asks, "Grandfather, is it true that there was a nuclear disaster here many years ago?"
"Yes, child," he says, patting his grandson's head.
"But I heard that there were no consequences at all; is this true too?"<...

A grandfather takes his grandson hunting for the first time

They are on the look-out when a young deer appears in the middle of the clearing, the little one raises his rifle but his grandfather stops him saying "that one is too young, let's wait a bit more".

They wait, and a magnificent deer in the prime of his years struts into the clearing and the ...

On a hot afternoon, Scrooge the miser and his grandson, Tim, were walking home from a party.

Tim complains, "Gramps, it's still a long way back to our house. It's hot and I'm tired. Look, there's a bus stop here. Can we please take the bus home?"

Scrooge is aghast. "It'll cost us six dollars to get home from here! What a waste of money! We'll walk it."

Tim sighs, but he's a ...

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An old man and his grandson are sitting on a porch...

The old man pulls out a cigar and starts puffing it. The grandson asks "Grandad can I have a puff?"
The old man replies "Does your dick touch your asshole?"
the boy replies "Of course not Grandpa!"
"Then you ain't man enough for this!" he says.
Soon after the man pulls out a bottle of s...

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I was watching my grandson play some word game on his phone.

He was repositioning two A's, an E, an I, an O and a U.

"Jason, that's the messiest vowel movement I've ever seen," I told him.

He replied, "You've never seen my shit after I eat alphabet soup, Grandpa."

My Grandson Is A Smart Egg…

At the mall, my five-year-old grandson joined the other children in line waiting to sit on the Easter Bunny’s lap. When it was his turn, Jake didn’t move; he just stared.

“Don’t you want to sit on the bunny’s lap?” I asked.

“No!” he shouted. “There’s a man in his mouth!”

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An old WWII veteran was speaking with his grandson

and extolling the virtues of being reckless and enjoying life while young.
"When I was your age, I went to Paris with some lads and we had a great time! We had our way with any French women we wanted, pissed on the Eifel tower, and beat the shit out of every Frog that crossed our paths! You have...

A Policeman, Heart Surgeon, Lawyer, Grandfather and his Grandson are flying in on a plane...

...They hear this load bang, and then some alarms go off.

"Uh...This is your captain speaking. We seem to have taken damage to our engines and the plane is going down. Please grab a parachute and exit the plane immediately. Because this is not a ship, I don't plan on going down with it"
<...

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Grandpa and his Grandson

Grandpa was smoking his cigar, when his grandson came up and asked "Hey grandpa, can I have a smoke from your cigar?"

Grandpa said "Does your dick touch your asshole?"

Grandson said "no.." - "Then you can't have a smoke of my cigar" said grandpa.

Grandpa was drinking his beer, ...

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A grandson asks his grandad if he can go to the movies...

... The grandad asks "Can your dick touch your asshole?". The grandson was confused but went to the bathroom and proceeded to try. He came out of the bathroom and in defeat told his grandad "No".
"Well than no you can't go".

The next day the grandson asked his grandad if he can have cooki...

First post on here

Once, there was a married couple who was about to have a son. When their son finally was born, they named him Cythera, after the Greek island with the same name, where the couple had gone for their honeymoon.

Their son grew up to be a nice and well-mannered young man, and was just about to s...

An old man an his grandson are taking a walk one crisp fall afternoon...

When the old man asks his grandson what he wanted to be when he grrw up.

"I wanna be rich like you granpa!" , responded the boy

Now the old man had worked hard all his life. Started off as an employee at a small company and ended up owning it. He almost never spent his hard earned mone...

Very dark humor(Long joke)

A grandfather and a grandson are sitting next to each other. The grandson in on his phone while the grandfather is trying to talk to him. The grandfather says to himself, “Urgh, how you children are dependent on technology.” The grandson hears what the grandfather said and replied with, “No, your ge...

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A grandfather and his grandson are out fishing on a lake...

The man reaches into the cooler and grabs a beer. The grandson asks "Can I have one of those, grandpa?"
The grandfather thinks for a moment and responds "Can you put your dick in your ass?" Perplexed the boy responds "No..." "Then you're not old enough." The grandfather explained.

Shortly ...

Grandpa - why don't you have life insurance?

Asks the grandson. Grandpa laughs and says: "I want you guys to be really sad when I die."

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Soviet Joke about Jews.

Little Jewish boy Moishe comes home, walks up to his mother, and says:

“Mom, mom, I wrote at school today in the column “Nationality" that I’m Russian! “Son, what do you eat for lunch every day?” - "Chicken!" - "And now you will eat potatoes, like all Russian children."

Moishe becomes ...

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Grandpa and his grandson go fishing

A grandson and his grandpa go fishing. The boy struggles putting his bait on the hook, so Grandpa takes it from him and does it himself. The boy, frustrated, asks,"Grandpa, why cant I bait my own hook?'' Grandpa replies, "Does your dick reach your asshole?" "No." "Then you can't do it." The boy gets...

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So this grandson is hanging out with his grandfather..

So this grandson is hanging out with his grandfather when grandpa lights up a cigar "Grandpa Joe, can I have a cigar too?"
"Well little Jimmy, can you dick touch your asshole?" little Jimmy shakes his head "No Grandpa Joe, it can't" "Well little Jimmy, you're not man enough to smoke a cigar yet" ...

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As his son has turned 19 today, a father starts a serious father-son talk...

The father says: „Son, you‘ve reached age of majority today. You‘re an adult now. But you‘re still a virgin, so we have to tackle this. Here‘s 50 bucks, now go to the docks and have fun with a hooker. After that, you can call yourself not only an adult but also a man.“

The son takes the $50 a...

An old man is on his deathbed...

... and calls his grandson over.



"Johnny, my boy. I want you to know that long ago I buried a fortune."



"Where, grandpa, where?"



"In the earth, 4 feet deep..."



"Grandpa, please be more precise!"



"The Earth. The third planet i...

“Grandpa, grandpa! I’m watching a soccer game!”

Grandpa: “Who’s playing?”

Grandson: “Austria-Hungary”

Grandpa: “Against who?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young boy is out fishing with his Grandpa (NSFW)

As they are sitting together, the Grandpa pulls out a cigar from his coat pocket. The boy, around 12 years old, looks over at his Grandpa with a curious gaze. The grandpa then takes out a lighter and ignites the cigar.

"Grandpa" he says, "Do you think you could let me try that?"

The Gr...

Went out with a bang...

A tough old cowboy with grizzled hair, chiseled featured, and hands tougher than the sharpest barbs on new wire told his grandson that the secret to living a long life was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on his oatmeal every morning.

With absolute faith, the grandson did as Grandpap instruc...

A story about cold water

I visited my papaw who lives in a cabin in the woods after he was widowed. I planned to stay for a few days.
The first day he made dinner, as I was going to make my plate, I noticed my dish was dirty.
I asked papaw "do you have any clean dishes around?"
"No, that's about as good as cold ...

Happy marriage

One day a young man asks his grandfather, "How have you and Grandma had successful marriage?"

The old man replies "When we first got married we made a very important agreement. As the man, I would handle all of the big important decisions. Then she would handle all the smaller less importan...

It's a lot of rubbish when people talk about "how good" modern kids are these days with technology.

My grandson is staying for the weekend, and he looks absolutely clueless with my VCR and VHS tapes.

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