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Mr. and Mrs. Potato had three daughters who were as upstanding as they were lovely. One day the first daughter came home and exclaimed, “I have an announcement to make!” “And what might that be?” said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter’s eyes.

“Well...” replied the daughter, with a proud but sheepish grin. “I’m getting married!”

The other daughters squealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, “Married! That’s wonderful! And who are you marrying, eldest daughter?”

“I’m marrying a Russet!”

“A Russet!” replied Moth...

My eldest put together a Dora joke

When my two younger sons were in the toddler to kindergarten age, they loved watching Dora the Explorer. Episode after episode. My wife & I found it very cute.

My eldest found it quite annoying. But he was a teenager then.

He came up with a Dora joke after a weekend of 500 (just...

A woman is walking home with her three daughters.

A woman is walking home with her three daughters.

Trying to spark conversation the eldest daughter turns to her mother and asks, “Mom, how did I get my name?” So her mom tells her the story of her birth, “Well sweetie, when you were born, as we we taking you back home, a rose fell on your he...

The eldest of three siblings comes up to his mother and asks: "Mommy, mommy, why is my name Leaf?"

"Well, honey," the mother says, "it's because when you were a little baby, a leaf landed on your head."

Satisfied, the child goes away.

Later, the middle child tugs at her mother's hand. "Mommy, mommy, why is my name Feather?"

"Well, darling," the mother says, "it's because when...

My eldest came to me and

he told me he was feeling suicidal. I said, "Hang in there son", and pointed to the spare room.

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The county's eldest man had just turn a 100 years old and local tv was reporting on the event...

The reporter had her crew set up in the living room of the retirement home where the man, born in 1919, was watching days pass by.

She sat on a chair in front of him, ready to start taping the feel-good segment of the night's local news.

"I'm with mister James Woodson, our county's eld...

Irish Cow Joke

There is an old dirt farm family who have nothing of value in this world but their milk cow. Now this was z good milk cow, which gave good high quality milk which they were able to sell and get along, so the family was actually very content. Well one day the father gets up early to milk the cow, as ...

Excavation report of a cemetery inside a castle

I’ve just been reading an excavation report of a cemetery inside a castle linked to a medieval siege. One of the burials was, from the skeletal analysis, a high status individual, but with the strange feature of having a skull embedded in the torso, this being of a lower status person. A careful rea...

The vampire joke

3 vampires are having a competition to prove who's the most vicious vampire amongst them.

The strongest one started 1st,

"watch this," He said as he flies so fast, about 100 miles/hour. After only 10 minutes, he comes back with blood all over his mouth. "what happened?" they asked. "di...

[Walks into a bar] A forgetful women of three children walks into a bar, intensely focused on knitting a sweater for her eldest...

Whoops, wrong thread.

Three nuns get into a car accident.

All three die and are awaiting St. Peter at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter arrives.

"All three of you must each answer a bible trivia question to proceed inside." He looks at the first and youngest nun. "Who was the first woman on Earth?"

"Easy. Her name was Eve." states the younge...

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings.

As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home. Later that night, their mother couldn’t sleep, so she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea. On her way, she tiptoed by her oldest daughter’s bedroom and heard her screaming. The mother thou...

Two brothers were fast alseep when the eldest heard a thud sound.

Eldest: What's that sound?

Youngest: Oh, it's just my t-shirt falling off my bed.

Eldest: T-Shirt? Why was it so loud?

Youngest: Because I was still in it.

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A farmer has 18 beautiful daughters

One day three brothers were traveling when they stopped at this farmer's farmstead to rest. The farmer let them in and gave them food and drink.

Upon seeing the many beautiful maidens, the eldest brother approached the farmer, and asked, "Farmer, can I sleep with your 18 daughters?"

Th...

A tribal chief down on his luck decided to marry off his three daughters

For in those days suitors paid a bridal price, and the chief thought he could live off what his daughters would fetch him, and at the same time ensure that his children would be secure and provided for.

Now, it was a point of rivalry between the girls to see who would fetch the best price amo...

Tommo was a canary. [long]

Tommo was a canary. Like his father, and his father before him, Tommo worked in the granite mines. Every morning, he would perch upon the shoulder of his favorite miner, and descend down, down into the deep.

Tommo had a lovely wife canary at home named Millet. Millet and Tommo had two sons...

A Family of Farmers Lived on Manitoba - Minnesota Border

Their farm sat right on the border, and for decades there had been ongoing dispute whether the main house of the farm sat on the U.S. or Canadian side. One day a letter came from the Government and the eldest son opened it.

"Mama," he said to his elderly mother, "The Government finally comple...

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The cow nsfw

Once upon a time there lived a family and their cow. One morning the mother woke up and saw the cow Laying on the ground dead and she said to herself“ if the cow is dead than I can’t sell here milk and if i can’t sell milk then I can’t feed my family so there is no point in living” and she hang her...

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Three daughters were getting married on the same day

The girls' mother requests for her daughters to stay one last night with her.

Each couple will occupy adjacent rooms down the hallway from the master room, it was a big house.

The eldest will occupy the nearest room; the second eldest, the next room; finally, the youngest occupies the ...

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Three boys plan to swear in front of their mom.

After dinner, the mother asks her sons what they want for dessert. The first and eldest son says "I want some goddamn ice cream!" The mother spanks the boy and sends him to his room with no dessert. She then asks the second boy what he wants for dessert, and he tells her "I want some goddamn ice cr...

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Lizzard

So, not mine, but my favourite. Worth a read, I promise.




Lizard Birth

If you' ve raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome, including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish,
the story below will have you laughing out LOUD!

I had to take my son's...

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(Long) a guy stops at a farm

He sees at the door of the farm house was a three legged pig. He had to know the story of the three legged pig. So he knocks on the door and the farmer answers.
"Please you must tell me the story of your pig," he says
"That pig is the greatest pig in the world. A couple of years ago our house ...

An old king was about to pass away

He called his three sons before his sickbed. He gave each of them some coins and asked them to buy something to fill the room, whoever can fill the room the best will be declared his successor.

The eldest prince went to the market and bought a cart of straws. Despite his best effort, he only ...

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A man walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Give me five shots of vodkas."

The bartender brings the drinks, raises an eyebrow and empathetically asks, "What up, man. Rough day?"

The man downs his first shot and says, "Just found out my eldest son is gay. I ain't prejudice, but I was raised how I was raised. I just need a bit of spirit to accept it."

Two night...

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4 Former Classmates, who were great friends and who haven't seen each other in years meet at a restaurant

After a while of talking one asks: “So guys, how are your eldest sons doing?“ Another one excuses himself to the restroom.

So the first one starts to talk about his eldest son: “I couldn't complain. He is the Ceo of a big car manifacturer and makes good money. He even gifted his lover a Lambo...

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Depression Era Prostitute NSFW

Three generations of prostitutes were hanging out on the street corner talking about their day.

The youngest complains “I just sucked that guy off and all I got was a lousy $50!”

The middle aged one says “$50?!?! Hell, when I was your age I would be thrilled with $10!”

The eldes...

Three vampire brothers were standing in a moonlit pasture, having an argument about who was strongest...

The youngest of the three says “You know what? You guys are always underestimating me. I’ll show you what I’m capable of.”

He flies off at 100 miles per hour and comes back 10 minutes later, his mouth dripping with blood. “Do you see that mansion on the hill up there?” he asks.

“ I j...

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Funny you should say that... [long]

A middle-aged Jewish man goes to his rabbi and says, "Rabbi, you gotta help me. It's my son. For 30 years he's a Jew, and now bam! He says he's a Christian!"

"Funny you should say that," the Rabbi replies. "I'm having the same problem with my kid. Let's go see Rabbi Rabinowitz, the Elder....

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[NSFW] My favorite NSFW joke from my high school.

Three brothers owned a prized horse. One day when the brothers were checking in, they found the horse was dead. So they prayed the whole morning asking god to bring back the horse. Suddenly, a fairy appeared.

Fairy: I can bring back the horse but on one condition, at least one of you have to ...

Hey, Terry

A woman walks into the Ipswich Centrelink office, trailed by 15 kids...

"WOW," the social worker exclaims, "Are they ALL yours?

"Yeah they are all mine," the flustered mother sighs, having heard that

question a thousand times before.

She says, "Sit down Terry." All the ch...

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There was a king ready to abdicate.

So he brought in his 3 sons. He tells them, "Each of you will receive a trial, the first to complete their trial will become king."

Beginning with his eldest son, a brave and foolhardy man of great stature he says, "You are to bring me your grandmother's emerald ring, lost decades ago in the ...

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[long] A pregnant woman was standing in line at a bank.

All of a sudden a masked man bursts through the front door waving a gun wildly around. He shouts that he is robbing the bank and that everyone in it is now his hostages. The police soon arrive and in the ensuing stand off shots were exchanged from both sides, the woman was struck three times in her ...

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A man commisions his three kids to each sell a duck

The eldest goes out, and returns having sold the duck for 5 dollars.
The middle child goes out, and returns a tad more successful having sold the duck for 10 dollars.
The youngest child goes out, and while at the market, gets propositioned by a lady of the night. He explains he has no money...

Three vampires sit in a cave in the black of night, sharing a drink, laughing, and generally having a good time that one would not associate with the undead.

The night grew longer, and an observer, should they be careful enough, would learn that vampires can indeed get drunk.

Eventually, the three begin to bicker about which of them is the most powerful and deadly.

The youngest suddenly gets up, and flies off into the night. Almost instantl...

A beggar indeed

A man walks past a beggar every day and gives him $10 and that continues for a year. Then suddenly the daily donation changes to $7.50. “Well,” the beggar thinks, “it’s still better than nothing.”

A year passes in this way until the man’s daily donation suddenly becomes $5.

“What’s goi...

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Diffrence between potential and reality

An 8 years old son asks his dad:
"Whats
the difference between 'Potential ' and 'reality?'

Dad turns to wife: "Would you sleep with
Barack Obama for $1 million?"

Wife: "Of course, I will never waste that opportunity."

Dad turns to daughter: "Would you sleep with B...

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An old rich Corsican is about to die

According to the tradition, the most lazy son inherits all wealth
"Come here, Paul", morigan says
The eldest one comes to him
"Yes, father"
"Imagine you see 500 francs and the wind blows it away. What will you do?"
"I won't do nothing. Why should I tire if there's no need?"
"Good b...

Three vampires are discussing who is the most powerful.

Three vampires are in a castle in Transylvania discussing how strong and powerful they are. The youngest of the group slams his fist on the table and exclaims, "I am the fastest out of us three! Watch this!"

He bursts out the window transforming into a bat and flies towards a small village....

A wealthy rabbi has passed away. According to the will, his estate was to be divvied up among his three sons...

A wealthy rabbi has passed away. According to the will, his estate was to be divvied up among his three sons - under one condition: after the funeral, each son was to put a 100 dollars in their father's grave as a sign of respect.

The eldest son went first. He took a $100 note from his wallet...

An old, wealthy man who had three sons was about to die.

An old, wealthy man who had three sons was about to die. He only wanted the cleverest of his three sons to inherit his money. So he came up with a test: he called all his sons into his room and told them: "Use 100 bucks to buy whatever you want. Whoever fills the room to the fullest shall inherit my...

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Three nuns perish in a bus crash...

...and are whisked straight to heaven.

St. Peter greets them at the gate with a warm welcome.

“Sisters, you have all three been paragons of the Catholic faith. The good Lord would like to bestow upon you one last day on earth as anyone you would like to be. Live for a day as whomever y...

Mother in law

A lady had 3 son in laws and she wanted to know who is the sincerest of them so she thought of trying them out one by one.

One day she asked the eldest one to come and help her in some errands. On the way back home she deliberately jumped into a water well and starts to drown. The eldest with...

One spring afternoon, 3 were having a picnic in their garden.

Suddenly, the eldest daughter asks, “Mommy, why did you and Daddy name me Lily?”


To which the mother replies, “Well Lily, you may not know this, but all 3 of you girls were born in this very garden and when you finally were born, a single Lily petal fell on your head, and so we named you ...

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3 bullets

I don't know if you guys have heard this joke. But here it goes...

There was once a woman who was pregnant with triplets. Unfortunately, one day a burglar came, armed with a gun came into the house and demanded all the cash but they didn't have any to give at hand. The burglar got angry and s...

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A young Indian boy and his father are sitting in a teepee. The child asks his father,”Father, how did you decide what to name me and my brothers?”

His father replies,”Well son, as soon as you are born, I hold you in my arms and we walk outside to show you our land. When your eldest brother was born, I see a majestic soaring eagle, so I name him ‘Soaring Eagle’. I took your second brother and we saw a herd of bison, hence the name ‘Brave Bison’...

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The BBC does a special on the oldest man in Scotland

They arrived for the special and decided to start it off with an interview where they asked him: “What was the best day of your life, Mr MacDonald?”
“I was just a wee lad and it was the day village fair, when me ma realised that our sheep had gone missing on the mountains. The whole village sear...

Three Bedoins are arguing over a will...

Three brothers are told that their father had left one half of his property to his eldest son, one third to the second, and one sixth to the third.

All was going well until they go to their father's camels. Their father left 19 camels, which doesn't divide by 2,3 or 6. They argued and argued ...

A traveling salesman calls home...

His eldest son answers the phone. He asks his son how everyone is doing, son tells him everyone is fine, but the cat died. The salesman is heartbroken. He tells his son that he needs to break things like this more delicately. The son asks how.
The salesman tells him to be more delicate. First yo...

The Farmer and the Cherry Tree

A farmer rounded up his three sons and said sternly "I want to know which of you boys pushed the outhouse over, but before I do I want to tell you a story. When George Washington was a boy, he chopped down his father's favorite cherry tree. When his father asked, George admitted his deed, saying, ...

A man is at his lowest point

He’s tried every drug, sipped every beer, and just generally been out of it. Trying to get better, he goes to a council of Buddhist monks and seeks their advice.

The eldest monk says to him, “I see, my child, that it is going to take more than just our usual methods to sober you up. I task y...

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Three year old and five year old little brothers talking about how they can feel grown up....

The oldest boy says, “I know, we’ll say cuss words.”

First, 3 year old says “I know what I’ll do—I’ll say ‘fuckin’.”

The eldest responds, “I know what I’ll say. You bet your sweet ass.”

They go down stairs for breakfast, and the bright eyed mother says “what do my sweet little b...

An old lady decides to check on his 3 son-in-laws

She wanted to see who respects/cares for her the most. She goes to the lake near the eldest son-in-laws place and jumps. The son-in-law dives in and rescues her. Next day, he sees a toyota corolla parked in front of his house with a letter -- Thanks from your Mother-in-law.


Then she goes ...

The founders of Canada were sitting around, trying to come up with a name for their new country.

They couldn't come up with anything until one of them suggested putting all of the letters of the alphabet into a hat and drawing them out one at a time. The eldest member of the group was chosen to draw letters. So he starts in. "C, eh. N, eh. D, eh."

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A mother is worried about her children's iron intake so she decides to put some iron BB gun ammo in their oatmeal...

Later that day why the mother was doing laundry her youngest son came up to her and said, "Mom! Mom! I was peeing just now I peed out a BB!"
The mother simply replied, "Don't worry dear that's normal"
Later on her middle oldest came in and said that he had also peed out a BB.
The mother re...

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Two lads are learning to cuss

Two brothers are learning to cuss and they decide they need practice. Their conversation goes something like this...

Older bro: tomorrow when we go downstairs for breakfast I’m gonna say “hell” and you’re gonna say “ass”

Younger bro: alrighty!

The next day when the boys go downs...

The milk cow (loooong and NSFW)

There’s this little farm in Ireland- dirt farm, really- but they’ve got the best milk cow in the world.

One day, the farmer comes out and sees his milk cow is dead. He doesn’t know what to do, so he hangs himself in the barn, which is sad.

His wife comes out and sees her husband dead,...

A journalist sets itself to find the saddest story in his region...

So he plans to go to the most remote area where civilization is still getting there slowly. One of the locals says that he can take him to Babka, the eldest person in the village, he agrees and goes to Babka's house. When he gets there, he greets Babka and tells him that he is a journalist looking f...

Cannibals in the night

A cannibal wakes up in the night and says to his cannibal wife "I'm starving and we ate the last missionary two days ago." His wife responds "We won't be sent a new missionary for a few days, we've got 3 children, why not have one as a snack?" He thinks it's a great idea, so he eats his youngest chi...

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The farmer's only cow dies

He doesn't know what to do anymore, so he hangs himself.

The wife comes home, sees that her husband and the cow are both dead, so she hangs herself too.

The eldest son comes home and sees the bloodbath. He goes to the forest to die. At the edge of the woods, he meets a fairy who says...

A Brazillian Classic

There was a family with three kids. One day, the eldest kid, Dropey, came up to his mom and asked:

“Mommy, why am I called Dropey?”

“It’s because when you were born, a drop of water fell onto your forehead!”

“Oh, okay!”

Then Flowey, the middle kid, got kinda curious, and ...

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2 brothers are lost in the woods

Without a map or any food they wander the woods in hopes of finding something!
After a few hours they spot a small hut, with smoke coming from a chimney.
Ecstatic, they run right to the door and begin pounding.
An old overweight woman answers the door.
"My what striking young men you are...

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Good ol' Granpa

Grandpa had just told them the news - he was getting engaged to a twenty five year old nymphomaniac.

The family was very concerned. His eldest daughter spoke confidentially to him.

"Dad, we're most concerned that sex with a girl like that could prove fatal."

"So what?", said G...

A man on his death bed requested his wife, 3 sons,

his nurse and a camera to be set up to record his final moments. Which were as follows...
"To my son David, I leave the 2 blocks of flats in the East end of London," "To my other son Michael , I leave the 4 penthouse's in Chelsea," "and finally to my eldest son Kevin, I leave the big glass buildi...

A rancher and his family have a milk cow...

A rancher and his family have a milk cow, and not much else to their name. The milk is the sweetest, toppest grade dairy around.

One day, the rancher wakes up and finds his milk cow dead. Unable to face life with his sole source of income gone, he sets up a noose in the barn and takes his lif...

The Dunne Family

Some years ago, in the hills above Killarney, there lived Seamus and Isobel Dunne and their family of 6 boys.


It was a happy but isolated existence, so it came as a bit of a shock when eldest son Niel announced that he was off to seek his fortune amongst the bright lights of London. His...

A Native American child asks his father how they choose children's names.

Father - "After you are born, we open the tepee and the first thing we see is what we name you. Like your eldest brother, Soaring Eagle, your sister, Falling Leaves, and your little brother, Grizzly Cub. Why do you ask Two Dogs Humping?"

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Destination Pittsburgh

Three priests were heading to Pittsburgh. The youngest priest, knowing he was most connected to the secular world, offered to get the tickets.

Upon arriving at the counter, the noticed the cashier was wearing a low low top and a short short skirt. His heart fluttered a moment...

“Yes ...

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So, these 3 brothers buy a donkey for their farm...

After just 3 days of working, the donkey dies. The youngest brother decides to bury the donkey in the nearby forest. He brings his shovel, grabs the donkey and goes out. On his way to the forest he remembers that there is a very deep lake somewhere around. After a few hours of searching he finds the...

A family of Irish Potatoes are talking

So a family of potatoes - a mother and her three daughters - are sitting at the dinner table one night. The eldest daughter speaks up. She says:

"Mother, I've got big news."
"What is it?" her mother says.
"Oh, mother, I'm gonna get married."
"Oh are you now?" her mother replies. ...

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The Mermaid Joke

On the outskirts of a small town in eastern Missouri, there once lived a farmer, his wife, and their three sons. Once upon a time their dairy farm had been huge, and business was booming. But a terrible cow-afflicting disease swept throughout the town, and hit this families bovine particularly hard ...

A southern baptist and her two daughters are shopping at the mall, when suddenly, the three are separated

In hopes of finding her children, she talked to the employee at the Customer Service kiosk


Southern Baptist Woman: I'm looking for my daughters, have you seen them?







Kiosk Worker: I can't say I have. May I have their names, please?






...

Three sisters died and went to heaven.

At the pearly gates, St Peter warns them, 'There is only one rule in heaven: you must not step on any of the ducks.' And he sent them on their merry way.

Upon entering, the three sisters notice that the grounds are riddled with ducks waddling about. Remembering the rule, they stepped carefull...

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Magical Milkcow (long) (nsfw)

There's an Irish family, father, mother, and three sons, who lives in a little dirt shack, their main source of income is this magical milk cow. One day the father wakes up and sees the cow is dead, so he kills himself. The mother wakes up later and sees that the cows dead and the dads dead, so she ...

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Triplets

A woman was pregnant with triplets. One day she was walking to the market and a man came out of no where and shot her thrice. She was rushed to the hospital and somehow she survived. Her delivery date came and she gave birth to 2 daughters and 1 son.


18 years later :

The mother wa...

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A ranch woman takes her three sons to the doctor for physicals for the first time in their lives...

A ranch woman takes her three sons to the doctor for physicals for the first time in their lives. The doctor examines the boys and tells the woman that they are healthy but she needs to give them iron supplements. She goes home and wonders exactly what iron supplements are. Finally, she goes to the ...

Can you explain this strange adoption joke?

A close friend of mine who is my eldest daughter's godmother just posted a very strange joke that references adoption. There must be something to this joke that I am completely missing. Thirty people have gone wild over this and I don't get it. My friend can't possibly be saying something offensive ...

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Four football players are stranded on a deserted island

One of them succumbs to dehydration and the others begin to panic about their own fates. The eldest of them nods grimly and proposes a solution.

"Lads," he says, "it's not nice, but we're going to have to cannibalise him if we want to survive. I play for Liverpool, so I'll eat his liver."
...

3 Brothers immigrate to America and open a convenience store.

Each of them can only speak 1 sentence of English. The eldest can only say "Maybe, maybe not."

The second can say only "One dollar-fifty."

The youngest, "If you don't, somebody else will!"


A customer walks into the store, and takes a magazine from the display rack to the c...

The naming of my children

Yesterday, my eldest daughter asked me,"Father, why is my name Rose?". I explain to her it was because a rose petal landed on her head as she was birthed on our patio. Curious, my middle child asked me,"Father, why is my name Lily?". I explain to her it was because when she was birthed a lily flower...

A man goes to find a Holy Knight of Trigonometry

His journey started after learning everything he could from his master, but he wanted to test his skills with one of the three knights. A long journey took him across plains, he had to climb dangerous mountains, sail across perilous seas, and even fly over a river of lava, flowing from a volcano tha...

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A Depressed Man Walks Into a Bar...

He takes a seat and asks the bartender for 3 glass of vodka. The bartender curious of why the hard liquor asks, "Wow you must have had a really bad day, what happen?" The man replies, "I just found out that my youngest son is gay." He then quickly finishes his drinks and walks out. The next day he r...

There is a story passed down in China about an emperor from the Ming Dynasty.

It is said that he favored deer above all else. Throughout the region, everyone knew that to kill a deer was the highest offense.

One day, a village awoke to find a dead buck in the yard of one of the villagers. Despite his pleading, the eldest man of the household was publicly killed. A remi...

The Three Brothers and the Genie

Three brothers are walking through the desert when they happen upon an old lamp buried in the sand. The eldest brother lifts the lamp from the ground and as he does the lamp starts to shake and out pops a Genie.

"You have freed me from my prison" the Genie announces with a booming voice " - a...

The School Janitor

Janitor: I know im just a school janitor, but my eldest son is in M.I.T., his younger brother in Princeton, and my youngest in Harvard.

Student: (amazed) Wow, what are they studying?

Janitor: Oh no, they are janitors as well.

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Irving visits a nursing home

Irving is a Jewish widower who is getting up in years. His family is worried it may be time for Irving to go to a nursing home. They arrange for him to spend a weekend in a nursing home to see how he adjusts to it.

His eldest son Sheldon takes him to the home on Friday and tells his father he...

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There was a school in England which was infamous for having the savage bullies. [Long]

There was a school in England which was infamous for having the savage bullies. The school used to come in the news fairly regularly for nothing but their bullies. More often than not the school bullies used to line up the other students and hit them in the face. The consequences of not being presen...

"What an age-appropriate joke for /r/funny"

An old Jewish man is on his deathbed, and his family is gathered around him. He's too weak to lift his head or even open his eyes, but he can talk to his family.


"Rachel, my beloved wife of fifty-seven years. The love of my life, my soulmate, the woman God created me to be with, are you h...

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Help Me

A group of nuns were travelling in a car when it had a flat tire. They got out and try to change it, but being rather unworldly, they don't really know how. Luckily, a truck came along and the driver offered to change it for them. They gratefully accepted.

As the trucker jacked up the car, it...

To entertain his court, the Emperor invites three renowned samurai to demonstrate their prowess with a sword.

The youngest of the samurai comes out on stage and bows before the Emperor. A boy at the stage's edge lifts the top off of a small box, and out comes a fly, buzzing toward the samurai. In a flash the samurai draws his katana and returns it to its sheath. The fly falls to the stage in two perfect hal...

Beers for me brothers

So, there's a man in a small Irish village who comes to a local pub at least once a week. When he came around, he would always order three beers and sit and drink all three before leaving.

One day a new patron came into the bar and while sitting at the bar noticed the man order three beers. ...

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Native American Names

A Native American child was curious as to how he had received his name. So he went to speak to his father, the chieftain of the tribe.

"Father," he asked, "how is it that I acquired my name?"

The noble chieftain began a long narrative for his youngest son.

"Well, my son, I named...

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Three sibling vampires are discussing who is the strongest.

The eldest eventually gets bored of debating and flies of into the night, coming back 5 minutes later covered in blood.

"Siblings of mine! See the lone house on the path into the city, silent and lost in a stripe of blood and fury?" shrieks the eldest with sadistic glory in his voice.

...

How to name your children

One day mum was sitting in the kitchen reading on hear iPad when her eldest child came in and stood next to her. With a quizzical look on her face she asked "Mum, why am I called 'Feather'?"
"Because a feather fell on your head when you were born, my darling", mom replied.
After having heard ...

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The Milk Cow

There once was a family that owned a milk cow. This milk cow was quite amazing, because with all of the extra milk the cow produced the family was able to sell all of the excess and live quite well.

One day, the father of the family went outside to milk the cow. But something was wrong, it wa...

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An Irishman was walking home when he saw a sign offering employment, he quickly ran home to tell his two brothers, as they were all looking for jobs.

'Quick lads, I've found a place that'll take us all on' he told them.

They made their way back to the place where he'd seen the sign and...

Three Muslim women are sitting talking...

The first one says, "I miss my eldest son Ahmed. He was martyred in Iraq last year."
"Oh I know," says the second women, "I miss little Hamza. He drove a car-bomb into a Syrian checkpoint six months ago."
The third woman nodded, "Me too. My Omar was a suicide bomber in Gaza, so sad."
The fi...

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So a Cowboy is on the run from the Native Americans...

He is pursued by the whole tribe, and only has one bullet left in his gun. He rides forth and thinks to himself, "That's it, I am fucked."

Suddenly the Angel comes down from Heavens and tells him, "You ain't 'fucked' just yet; go hide in that bush." The Cowboy promptly hides in the bush, his ...

Since we seem to be doing Jewish jokes...

An old Jewish man is on his death bead, surrounded by his loving family, and preparing to move into the Olam Habah.
While he's lying there, he smells a delicious smell and immediately recognizes it as his wife's delicious apple pie.
He whispers to his eldest daughter:
"Sarah, my time has a...

Three nuns

Three nuns, a postulant, a novitiate, and the mother superior, are driving and get in a car wreck. All three die and go to heaven. Before St. Peter lets them in, he says that to get into heaven, you have to answer one question.

He looks to the postulant and says, "because you're the youngest ...

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