A Jewish man decides his son isn't religious enough, so pays for him to go visit Israel.

When the son comes back, however, he says he's a Christian now.

The father goes to his friend exasperated to explain the situation, and his friend says "that's funny, I sent my son to Israel last year, and when he came back he also said he was Christian."

The two men decide they should...

I recently discovered I can move my sister's daughters through the air with my brain but not her sons.

I think I have telekinieces.

My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday. He said; maybe they’ll marry each other.

Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age...

Dad: Son, you're adopted.

Son: Oh wow I wonder who my real parents are.

Dad: We are your real parents, your adopted parents are coming to pick you up.

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A student visits the principal’s office one day and the principal says to him, “What’s your name, son?” He replies: “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” The principal looks up and asks him, “Oh, do you have a stutter?”

The student replies, “No sir, my dad has a stutter and the guy who registered my name was an asshole.”

Teacher: I’m your son’s teacher and I’m calling to tell you that he may be a compulsive liar.

Woman: And a damn good one. I don’t have any sons.

My son, while gazing up at the sky, asked me how stars die

"Usually an overdose", I said

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The 1st day at school: the new student named Jose Armando, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the 5th grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Jose, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."

"Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, "Government of the people, by t...

My son asked me if I know any Spanish words.

I said no.

My son recently started bass guitar lessons.

My son recently started bass guitar lessons.
"How was your first bass lesson, son?" I asked.
"Great!" He said. "I learned The E note!"
After the next lesson I asked, "How was your second bass lesson, son?"
"Great! I learned the A note!" He replied.
After the next lesson I asked "Ho...

A woman loses her son Eddy in a Walmart one day

She looks everywhere for him but doesn't find him. Mom loses hope and years go by. Eddy is adopted by another family and they decide they like the name Terry. So Terry grows up and one day is shopping at the same Walmart where he was lost, and passes a woman who stares at him oddly. She looks at him...

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A father whale and his son were swimming when the son whale asked his father "where did I come from."

The father whale replied "from my penis son."

The son rolled his eyes and said "thanks dad" to which the father whale replied, "you're whale cum son, you're whale cum."

My son came up with this one...

I was walking to the bedroom with a 20-ounce drink. My son was hiding behind the wall and said "boo". He asked "were you scared?" I told him "no, but what if I were and spilled this drink all over myself?" He said "then that would be on you". I told him "nice pun". He still doesn't get it.

A son and daughter walk up to their father.

Son: Dad which one of us do you love more?
Father: My love for you is like communism.
Daughter: So equally?
Father: No, it collapsed 30 years ago.

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When I was a kid, Santa gave me a lump of coal. The next year, I poisoned his cookies.

Somehow the bastard found out and killed my dad.

I told my son to stop playing Russian roulette, but you know how it is with kids...

In one ear, out the other!

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There was a vulture who had a rebellious son.

He would preen his feathers so they stood up, hang out with raccoons, and generally be a nuisance to the rest of the flock. Thinking that it was just a phase, his father didn't worry too much about it and hoped that one day his son would grow up.

However, one day his son came home with terrib...

A son asks his father, “Daddy, what’s an alcoholic like?”

The dad responds, “Son, do you see those two cars over there? An alcoholic would see four.”
The son says, “But daddy, there’s only one.”

Hermione's son: Mum, you're a witch!

Hermione: Emma Watson?

I just held a huge Thor party for my son's 5th birthday.

He got overwhelmed because I guess he wanted something a little more Loki.

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A mom was cleaning her twelve-year-old son's bedroom.

Under the bed she found some serious bondage gear and other fetish material. Horrified, she asks the dad what should they do with him.

Dad:"Well I'm no expert but I wouldn't fucking spank him."

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A Jewish man sends his son to Israel to live there for a while. Eventually he returns home and he is now a Christian. The man finds this to be odd and mentions it to his friend.

The friend listens, thinks for a moment and says, "That's odd. I sent my son to Israel as a Jew and he returned as a Christian." So the two of them went to see the Rabbi.

They told the Rabbi the story of how they had both sent their sons to Israel as Jews, and how both sons had returned as Ch...

My neighbor's little son asked me where you find giant snails?

I tried to blind him with science.

“Well, they’re originally from Kenya, and their Latin name is the Achatina Fulica …”

Turns out the answer was ‘On giant’s fingers’.

Son: Daddy what are those big round things on mummies chest?”

Dad: They’re balloons son. When mummy dies we can blow them up and she’ll float to heaven.”

Son: Really? Because Uncle Dave was blowing them up yesterday and mummy kept saying “Oh God, I’m coming” but she didn’t float anywhere!

A father and son are watching a documentary about evolution...

...the boy had already watched this episode and was viewing it again carefully as he found it a bit confusing as to what the different prehistoric animals were evolving into. He recalled this episode ended with an ant-like insect becoming a crustacean-like animal. By the end he said 'Ep seen, did an...

I was sitting on a bus with a friend and he told me this joke...

What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath?

Throw in your laundry.

The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit."

We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said, "he c...

“Son In Iraq I killed 15 people.”

Son: Dad you were a helicopter mechanic

Dad: Never said I was a good one

Our son want a puppy for Christmas

We usually have turkey, but if that can make him happy...

My 34 year old son told me this one.

Son: What does Frosty the Snow Man use to go online?

Me: What?

Son: The Winternet!

Me: Get a job Larry.

Son: “Mom, how do you feel about abortion?”

Mom: “Ask your sister.”

Son: “I don’t have a sis-“

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NSFW - A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.What are you doing?" she exclaimed. The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents an

What are you doing?" she exclaimed.

The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he ...

So I beat my son the other day

Man he sucks at mario kart

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Son, have a vodka with me!

- No, thanks, dad.
- Come, have a drink with your father!
- Dad, I'm 5. -
Dad is shitfaced but he insists:
- Ok, just one shot.
The kid drinks it and start crying:
- Ewwwww, it's disgustiiiiiiing!
- Ha! You see?! And your mother thinks I'm sitting here having fun!

(Russi...

Samuel L. Jackson was sitting at the breakfast table with his wife and 10 month old son...

His toddler starts to make some noises then very clearly says, "mother".

Sam excitedly yells, "Oh my God, honey, he just said half a word!"

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My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class wank him off. I said “son, that’s three schools this year...

...maybe teaching isn’t for you.”

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A woman is bathing her 7 year old son, the kid looks at his wrinkled ballsack and asks...

Mom, is this my brain?

The mother replies: not yet son, not yet...

"I'm three!" yelled my son as he held up three fingers.

"Son, I need you to tell me where you found those fingers."

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Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.

One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The t...

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I said to my wife, "I saw a woman with her tits out on the bus feeding her son."



She said, "It's natural."



"Natural?" I replied, "She was giving him crisps."

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A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back...

The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.

Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.

A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.

At the so...

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An old Italian gentleman wanted to plant his annual tomato garden. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son:

"Dear Vincent, I am pretty sad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days. Love, Papa."...

What did the buffalo say to his son when he left?

Nothing as they cannot talk.

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Dad rabbit teaches son rabbit how to reproduce

The dad puts three female rabbits in front of him and explains:

Dad "look son, we're rabbits and we do it fast, like one
two three" *Dad fucks all 3 female rabbits in seconds*

Dad: "Now you try son"


Son: *onnneee......twwwooo.....*


Dad: "no no son, I said fas...

Jesus is down by the gates to Heaven

When an old man approaches.

"Well, what have you done to deserve entry to Heaven?" Asks St Peter.

"To be honest." replies the man, "I am merely a simple carpenter. It was my son who was truly great. Although he wasn't my biological son... his birth was miraculous, still I loved him ve...

Hi Reddit! My name is Joseph, and I am the son of Stephen King. AMA!

I would post proof, but it's obvious that I'm Joe King.

Dracula decided it was time to give his son "the talk"

Dracula: You see, when two monsters love each other very much, they-

Son: They do the mash

Dracula: *nodding* They do the monster mash

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A shark is teaching his son how to hunt humans

-First you circle them 3 times, let them see your fin, let them get away, circle them 2 more times and let them get away, them after waiting a little you can eat them.

-But dad, that sounds way too tedious, I'll just swim right next to them and eat them.

- oh no son, trust me, you don'...

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A mother asked her two son what they would like for breakfast

The first brother says I would like some damn Cheerios

The mother absolutely horrified slapped her son and said never do that again.

The mother then ask the second brother what he would like for breakfast

He said I sure as fuck don’t want Cheerios

Son: daddy can you tell me about the bird and the bees?

Dad: well bee stands for the male and the bird stands for the female.
When 2 people love each other very much, the bee stings the bird essentially giving his life and the bird gets a pain in the ass

A father had a very rowdy son

He would never listen to his father, always disobeying rules, and being rebellious at every chance. The father often told the boy, "You should be more respectful of others", to no avail as his words fell on deaf ears. His pranks were, quite frankly, annoying to the neighbours, but what did the son c...

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While reading an article about fathers and sons drinking together, I remembered the time I took my daughter out for her first drink.

Off we went to our local bar only two blocks from the house.

I got her a Guinness. She didn't like it, so I drank it.
Then I got her a Killian's, she didn't like that either, so I drank it. Finally, I thought she might like some Harp Lager? She didn't. I drank it.

I thought maybe s...

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In Jesus's time, some heard and didn't believe that He was the son of God. They said no way. His rebuttal.....

Yahweh

A son calls out to his father...

Son: Dad, I hurt myself!

Dad: Do you want me to get you a straw?

Son: A straw? Why would I want a straw?

Dad: So you can suck it up!

A man and his son run a carpentry business out in the countryside…

They do small jobs here and there, mostly on farms and ranches, fixing up barns and building pens for farm animals. The father eventually wants his son to take over the business and has tried to teach him the ins and outs of woodworking, along with other important lessons he thinks that every carpen...

Daddy brings his little son to bed

After a while, the mother carefully opens the door and asks quietly, "And has he already fallen asleep?" The little son answers: "Yes, and he snores!"

An Englishman, Scotsman and an Irishman are in a bar with their sons.

They start to introduce their sons to the rest of the group. The Englishman says "This is my son George. We called him that because he was born on St George's Day."

The Scotsman says "This is my son Andrew. We called him that because he was born on St Andrew's Day."

The Irishman loo...

If your SON becomes a PRIEST and then DIES, what do you call him?

The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen

"Son, you're just not cut out to be a mime"

"Was it something I said?"

"Yes"

If you ask my son why he joined the Army he will proudly tell you he joined to military to kill people.

He's a terrible doctor.

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Son: "I fell in love with a beautiful girl."

Father: "That's great, do I know her?"

Son: "Yes, it is Andrea who lives across the street."

Father: "Oh that is bad, I am sorry, don't tell this to your mom but Andrea is your sister."

The boy is upset, but accepts the truth.

After few months he comes to his dad again...

An illiterate dad and his son who has a PhD in astrology went camping.

They unpacked and set up their tent. After dinner they went to sleep. A few hours later dad woke and was looking at the stars.

He woke his son up and asked him, "what do you see?"

He son said, "astronomically, it tells you that there are a lot of galaxies out there,"

His father...

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Son: * Drops a glass of water *

Dad : *sighs * such a sloppy bastard
Mom: Well, he isn't sloppy!

A woman was cleaning her 12 year old sons room

When she found a lot of bondage gear and fetish mags. She asked her husband “what should we do?”

“I don’t know” said the husband “ but i sure as hell wouldn’t spank him.”

A farmer’s career criminal son was supposed to be helping him with the chores but when he looked behind the barn, he was asleep on the hay.

He was out on bale.

My father's last words to me were, "I love you, son".

Then he threw me out of the house.

My son lost his first milk tooth today..

I hope that would teach him never to touch my PlayStation again ..

My son and I are up at our parents house for Thanksgiving.

My father is a minister, but he keeps some bottles of rum in his office.

We took one and we’ve been sharing it for hours.

It’s great.

Just a father, a son, and a holy spirit.

A boy was feeling very nervous about his first date, so went to his father for advice. "My son, there are three subjects that always work with women: food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they stare at each other for a long time. The boy's nervousness builds, but he then asks:

"Do you like potato pancakes?" "No," comes the answer, and the silence returns like a suffocating blanket. "Do you have a brother?" "No." After giving it some thought, the boy plays his last card: "If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?"

Son: Dad, why is my sister called Teresa?

Dad: Because you mother loves Easter and Teresa is an anagram of Easter.
Son: Thanks Dad.
Dad: No problem Alan.

Dad saw his son coming out of the bar totally drunk

With heavy heart

Dad: My dear Son, do you really think this is good for you?

Son: No Dad, this place sucks, let's go to the other bar.

Guys i just recently bought a 512Gb iPhone 11 Pro Max, my son dropped it and the screen shattered. Anyways I'm doing a giveaway!

The kid is 9 years old, cute, thin and not really tall.

Three old ladies are sitting around a table playing bridge and bragging about their sons...

“My Freddie,” said Margaret, “Everyone should be so lucky to have a son like my Freddie. Once a week he brings me a huge bouquet of flowers, he’s constantly bringing me out to restaurants to eat, if I so much as hint that I want something the next morning it’s on my doorstep.”


“That’s ver...

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My son thinks the land of the Jews is fake.

I told him it Israel.

After my son’s team won the tournament, the goalkeeper invited us for a party afterwards.

It was the Father, the Son, and the Goalie Host.

An Irishman and his son went to the zoo...

A sign says, “Feed the elephant a bun to get your age”

The little boy gives the elephant a bun and it stomps it’s foot 6 times.

“Wow” says the boy, “That’s right I am 6, you have a go dad!”

The Irish chap gives the elephant a bun...

A moment later the elephant farts and ...

Son: Daddy can you put on my shoes?

Me: I can try, but I don't think they will fit!

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Son comes to dad and asks

Dad what is diference between potencionaly and realy. Dad says to ask his sister mother and brother if they would sleep with Leonardo di Caprio for milion of dolars.
Son comes back and dad asks him what they said.
Son says: "Sister said she would sleep with him even for free mother that yes an...

Dad: "Son, I found a pack of condoms in your room."

Son: "Thanks Grandad!"

Dad: "Why did you call me Grandad?"

Son: "Because I couldn't find them yesterday."

My newborn son made such a fuss when the doctor cut his umbilical cord.

It seems he had really grown attached to it.

My son's math teacher called him average.

I think he's just mean.

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A son walks to his dad at breakfast

Son: Hey Dad, how's your diarrhea this morning?

Dad: What are you saying, I don't have diarrhea.

Son: Are you sure? Because I heard Mom last night asking you if your shit will ever get hard.

What generation does Forrest Gump’s son belong to?

Gen A

A man is washing his car with his son. The son says “dad..

can we use the sponge now”

I took my son to see Father Christmas

I took my son to see Father Christmas in his grotto yesterday and he stank of booze and cigarettes.

I dread to think what Father Christmas thought of him!!

My son is now at that age where he's curious about the human body.

I guess I'll have to hide it somewhere else now.

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, some of the training of the astronauts took place on a Navajo reservation. One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question that his son translated.

"What are these guys in the big suits doing?" A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts. Recognizing a promotional opportunity, the NASA folks found a tape recorder. Afte...

Son: Dad can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?

Dad: No sun

Son: Dad, does every father know more than his son?

Dad: Of course.

Son: “So, who invented the electric bulb?”

Dad: “Thomas Edison.”

Son: “But why didn't Edison's father invent the electric bulb?”

Dad: “It was dark everywhere, he was busy inventing Edison.”

What did Abdul's dyslexic son say to his annoying father

Ok bomber

My son is so ungrateful

I bought him a trampoline for his birthday, and all he did was sit in his wheel chair and cry

A Jewish Man Sends His Son Away

He sends him on a pilgrimage to Israel. Three months pass and the man is confused when his son is not wearing a Yamakah. The son informs the man that he has converted to Christianity.

Dumbfounded, the man goes to his friend (also Jewish) and tells him of his son. His friend replies, "How inte...

What did the Mexican Fire Chief name his two sons?

Jose and Hose B

so a father bought a lie detector machine and he asked his son "did you go to school today"

He said "yes" the machine beeps

then he says "okay okay i went to the movies with some friends" \*beep\*

Finally he admits "fine i went out drinking with some buddies"

the father says "when i was your age i didn't do anything like that" \*beep\*

then the mother says "wow ...

5 year old son, after reading story of a king...

Son:......Mom, I also want 5 wifes.....one will cook, one will sing, one will bathe me.......

Mom:....And one will put you to sleep

Son:..No mom, i will still sleep with you

Mom's eyes filled up with tears ... God bless you son!

Mom:...but who will sleep with your 5 wifes...

Upon returning from the doctor's office, a son tells his father the bad news. "I'm afraid i have bad news. Doc says the chemo isn't taking. He said I should get my affairs in order and try to enjoy the coming days with friends and family."

To which the dad replies "hi afraid i have bad news. Doc says the chemo isn't taking. He said I should get my affairs in order and try to enjoy the coming days with friends and family, I'm dad."

My son dropped out of school to build houses for horses

I can't complain though, it's a real stable job

A man and his wife are discussing what they think their son will be when he grows up.

“I have an idea,” says the father. He puts a ten-dollar bill, a bottle of whiskey, and a Bible on the coffee table. “If he takes the money, he’ll be a banker. If he takes the whiskey, he’ll be a wino, and if he takes the Bible, that means he’ll be a preacher.”



So the man and his wife ...

I caught my young son sniffing a Disney highlighter.

It made him a little Goofy.

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"Forgive me father, for I have sinned"

Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."

Priest: "What have you done my child?"

Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."

Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"

Girl: "Because he touched my hand."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)

Gi...

Dad: “Hey son can you pass the dopted?”

Son: “What’s a dopted?”

Dad: “You’re adopted”

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Son: Can you believe that after all of that crap they’re back together?

Me: Who?

Son: My butt cheeks!

Yesterday, I walked into my living room and caught my son eating crayons.

Beaming with joy, I looked over to my wife and said “babe, he is going to make such a great Marine”

I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a bedsheet over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal."

"Until the pressure got to him."

My son didn’t expect me to pay for his share of the prom night limo rental, but he asked me anyway

It was a bit of a stretch

In Celebration of my Cake Day, here's a terrible joke: the Olympic Swimmer and his Son

Michael was a famous Olympic Swimmer. Recently retired, it was his dream to continue his legacy by teaching his son the art of swimming. They had practiced for years, and when Michael's son was ready, he was entered into his first ever tournament.

The first round was easy. After all, t...

How come when my son does something good, my wife says he's HER son...

But when he burns down his school, suddenly it's "*our* son"?

Genie: You have 3 wishes.

Me: I've seen this before. Whatever I wish for will come back and bite me in some way.

Genie: I promise that won't happen. I'm so sure it won't I'll give you infinite wishes if it does.

Me: Okay. I wish for a boomerang with teeth.

Genie: You son of a...

Me: you better be glad your mother had my offspring Son: why

Cause your gonna go far kid

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A man and his son recently moved to Texas. One Saturday afternoon they decided to take a walk through the park. During the walk the boy sees 2 cowboys walk by.

“Dad, look at those bow-legged bastards!”

The father is surprised by this and tells his son that that is not very nice language to use.

A few minutes later, 2 more cowboys walk by and again the boy yells, “Dad, look at those bow legged bastards!”

The father, quite upset now turn...

An 18 yr old son asks his dad “when you were young, what would have been the quickest and easiest way to save £250k?”

Dad: “pull out”

My son’s kindergarten teacher was arrested for heroin possession

In hindsight, the small pupils were a dead giveaway

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.

Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, bec...

Eric went to tug his son in bed one night and hear his son praying...

"Dear God, please take care of my Grandpapa's soul". Eric didn't think much of it. The very next day, his wife's father dies of a heart attack. Eric was a little perturbed, but didn't think much of it.

A month later, little Johnny prayed "Dear God, please take care of my teacher's soul.". Su...

So I beat my son playing chess the other day.

Oddly the CPS took him away.

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John was starting to worry about his 12 year old son Jack.

Jack was a D student, and only because John helped complete all of Jack's homework. Jack wasn't good at sports. He didn't have many friends. And it seemed like once a week he was getting called into the principal's office for some sort of misbehavior. So John told Jack, in a last ditch effort to get...

My son Luke loves that we chose Star Wars characters as an inspiration when naming our kids.

His sister Chewbacca and his brother Boba Fett are less amused.

I found a doctor who would give me a discount on my son’s circumcision.

It was a ripoff.

Scotish dad calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve: “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing"...

"Forty-five years of misery is enough”, he continued.

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer” the father says. “We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”...

There was a lady with 3 sons, named Rain, Snow and Brick

One day Rain asked his mom, "Mom why am i named Rain?" "Because a raindrop fell on your head when you were born.” Then Snow asked his mom, “Why is my name ‘Snow’?” “Because a snowflake fell on your head when you were born.” Then Brick asked his mom, “URGUTUREWESADJ”

Husband: Honey, our son was just arrested for arson.

Wife: Who was arrested for what?

Husband: Arson.

A man lived a normal life in a 15-story building with his wife and son

They lived on the 12th floor apartment C. One day he was late for work he kissed Mary and gave Mikey his lunch money. After he got out the elevator he’d realised he forgot his car key so called his wife and said

‘Throw down my key I’m late for work’

A man lived a normal life in a 15-st...

Three sons

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."

The second said," I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."

The third smiled ...

My son made this up. The Dad Joke is strong with this one...

Son: What does Darth Vader use to get to the bridge of his ship?

Me: No clue, son

Son: An ele-Vader, ha!

I bought my son a drum set today

My wife was furious but I was ready to face the re-percussions

My son asked me what incognito mode was on his computer.

"I don't want you to know," I replied.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Son, the only "B" Word you should EVER call a woman is Beautiful.

Bitches love being called beautiful.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”

The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make ...

My son asked me if he was adopted.

Me: No, why would I ever choose you.

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