My wife beamed at me with pride and said, “Wow! I never thought our son would go that far!“

I said, “This trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter.”

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My husband and son getting competitive while playing games.

Husband said" I fucked your mom"

to which the son replied" I have been deeper inside her than you'll ever be"

I caught my son chewing electrical cords

So I had to ground him. He's doing better currently, and now conducting himself properly.

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A father and son are hanging out in their living room watching TV

Suddenly the dad’s feet are cold and he asks the son to get him his slippers from upstairs.

While upstairs the son sees two of his sister’s friends so he goes up to both of them and says, "My Dad told me to come up here and fuck both of you".

“you're lying", They say

The son ...

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.

Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, bec...

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Like father like son...

A young boy says to his father "Dad, our math teacher is asking to see you."

"What happened?" The father asks.

"Well, she asks me, 'how much is 7x9?' I answer '63' , then she asks, 'and 9x7?' so I asked 'what's the fucking difference?' "

"What is the difference?" asks the father...

Son: "Dad, I have an imaginary girlfriend!"

Dad: " You know you can do better."

Son: "Oh! Thanks Dad, that means a lot."

Dad: " I was talking to your girlfriend. "

For an experiment, my son as been wearing a different Manchester United top for two weeks. So far he's been spat at, verbally abused, and punched...

God knows what will happen to him when he leaves the house.

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A Jewish man sends his son to Israel to live there for a while. Eventually he returns home and he is now a Christian. The man finds this to be odd and mentions it to his friend.

The friend listens, thinks for a moment and says, "That's odd. I sent my son to Israel as a Jew and he returned as a Christian."

So the two of them went to see the Rabbi.
They told the Rabbi the story of how they had both sent their sons to Israel as Jews, and how both sons had returned as...

I washed the car with my 5 year old son today.

When we finished, he said, “Next time dad, can you use a sponge?”

Today my son asked, "Can you lend me a book mark?"

I immediately burst into tears.

12 years old and he doesn't know my name is Brian

Son: Hey dad, can I borrow ten dollars in Bitcoin?

Dad: Twenty dollars and thirteen cents? Why in God's name do you need to borrow nine dollars and sixty-seven cents?

I just got my son a flat peice of cardboard for his birthday

I have no idea why he was so desperate for an ex box.

My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born the day before. He told me: "Maybe they'll marry each other."

As if my son is going to marry someone twice his age...

I am married to a Korean wife and she told me I get to name our son's English name

We live in Korea and gave our son my wife's last name 모 (pronounced 'mo').

I got to choose his English name so I said we should call him Lester.

So when I go around and introduce my child I could say

"This is our child 모 Lester"

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A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b\*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b\*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don...

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A father is called into the principle's office because his son is in big trouble.

The father sits down next to his son with the principle across at his desk.

"We caught your son selling pot for 15 dollars a joint out back. He's permanently expelled. You're lucky we didn't call the cops."

The father looks at his son with horror and disgust. He gets up quickly and dra...

Son : Dad, how do I catch fish?

Dad : Just throw this clickbait into the water

Son : And then what?

Dad : What happens next will shock you

One thing my dad told me, "Son never explain yourself to anyone."

He never did tell me why.

My son has been spat on, cussed out, beaten up, and taken an immense amount of harrassment and abuse, all for being a Trump supporter

I hate to think of what will happen to him when he leaves the house

Son: "Daddy, I fell in love and want to date this awesome girl!"

Father: "That's great, son! Who is she?"

Son: "It's Sandra, the neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Sandra is actually your sister."

The boy is naturally bummed out, bu...

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My son got busted at school for masterbating.

When I got home, I burst into his room shouting “you can’t be doing stuff like that boy, you’ll go blind!”

He said, “I’m over here Dad!”

A Jewish man decides his son isn't religious enough, so he pays for him to go visit Israel...

When his son comes back, however, he says he's now a Christian.

Exasperated, the man goes to his friend for advice, but his friend says, "that's funny, I sent my son to Israel last year and when he came back, he also said he was Christian."

The two men decide to speak to their rabbi ab...

The son comes home crying and tells his mother "the lady next door hit me!". So the mother goes over and asks why she hit her and the lady replies "your son called me fat!". To which the mother replies...

"...and you think you'll lose weight by hitting him?"

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A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back...

The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.

Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.

A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.

At the so...

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My son called my wife a bitch.

That son of a bitch is grounded.

yesterday, my son broke 40% of a glass

ass

Son: “Dad! Dad! There is a monster under my bed!”

Dad: “Enjoy it while you can son, when you get married the monster sleeps in your bed”

A camel decided to educate his son who he suspected was getting a little insquisitive...

"Why do we have two humps," asked the son.
"That's so we can go for days without water. We can store it in the humps."

"Why do we have very long eyelashes?
"That," he was told, "is to protect the eyes from sand in a sand storm."

"And why do we have bulbous looking feet?"
"That...

Dad on his death bed: Son, I have to tell you something

Son under his breath: I bet I’m adopted

Dad: You were ado...

Dad dies

Son: Knew it

Dad wakes up: You were adorable as a baby

Dad dies

Son: Awww, thats so sweet

Dad wakes up: That’s why we adopted you

‌‌A woma‌‌n stoppe‌‌d by‌‌, unannounced‌‌, a‌‌t he‌‌r son'‌‌s house‌‌. Sh‌‌e knocke‌‌d o‌‌n th‌‌e doo‌‌r the‌‌n immediatel‌‌y walke‌‌d in.

Sh‌‌e wa‌‌s shocke‌‌d t‌‌o se‌‌e he‌‌r daughter-in-la‌‌w lyin‌‌g o‌‌n th‌‌e couch‌‌, totall‌‌y naked‌‌. Sof‌‌t musi‌‌c wa‌‌s playing‌‌, an‌‌d th‌‌e arom‌‌a o‌‌f perfum‌‌e fille‌‌d th‌‌e room‌‌. "Wha‌‌t ar‌‌e yo‌‌u doing?!‌‌", sh‌‌e asked.

"I'‌‌m waitin‌‌g fo‌‌r Mik‌‌e t‌‌o com‌‌e hom‌‌e fro‌‌...

My wife asked me to prepare our 4 year old ginger son for his first day at school.

So I punched him & stole his lunch money.

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A little boy was doing his math homework and practicing out loud, “Two plus six, that son of a bitch is eight...”

Three plus seven, that son of a bitch is ten."

Hearing what he was saying, his mother asked him what he was doing. He answered that he was doing his math homework.

"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" she asked her son to which he replied yes.

Infuriated, the m...

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A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”

The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make ...

A Native American Chief has three sons by three wives.

The first wife is lying on a bear hide and gives birth to a beautiful 5-pound son.

The second wife is lying on a deer hide and gives birth to a handsome 5-pound son.

The third wife is lying on a hippo hide and gives birth to a swarthy 10-pound son.

So, the son of the squaw of th...

A father wanted to do "the talk" with his oldest son

Father: son get of this internet and come have a chat with me

Son: can't it wait am in the middle of something

Father: no come now

Son: fine but make it quick

After 40 minutes talk.....

Son: well if that's everything i will go back to my game

Father: wow i l...

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Took my son out for his first Pint today.

I got him a Fosters, he didn't like it, I had it. Then I got him a Budweiser, he didn't like that either, I had it. It was the same with the Guinness and the Cider. By the time we got down to the Whisky,

I could hardly push the fucking pram.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was walking down the street when his son asks him a question.

"Dad, why is that guy wearing a robot leg?"

"It's a prosthetic leg," the father explains. "They go where real limbs used to be."

Confused, the son asks, "Did mum used to have a penis?"

"No son," the dad replies. "Why'd you ask?"

"She has one in her drawer."

Son: Dad why does mom have balloons in her chest?

Dad: Ummmm, you blow them up when your mom dies so that she can fly to heaven

Son: Oh ok

*THE NEXT DAY*

Son (on phone): Dad come home quick mom is dying!

Dad: Wait what happened?

Son: Uncle John is blowing her balloons!

Honey, I accidentally set your son on fire!

Just kidding, it’s not your son, it’s arson.

A man is walking by his son's room, when he hears him praying...

and he decides to poke his head in the door to see what he is saying.

"Dear God, I love Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Bye bye Grandpa."

The father thought this was strange, but didn't pay much mind to it, as his young son was just expressing his feelings.

The next day the man comes...

A couple has 4 sons

The first three were tall with straight brown hair and brown eyes, but their youngest son was short with curly blond hair and blue eyes. When the husband was on his deathbed, he called his wife over and asked, "Is that 4th son mine?"
His wife said, "I swear, on all things holy, that child is your...

I asked my son if I could have the phone book. He laughed, shook his head: "You're so last century!", and handed me his mobile.

Long story short: the spider is now dead, son's phone is smashed and son is distraught.

Son, when I die, I want you to carry my coffin...

...So you can let me down one last time.

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Dad walks into son's room

Dad: Son you gotta stop masturbating, your
gonna go blind."

Son: "Dad I'm over here."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pot head gets really high on some good shit and goes home

Gets inside the house and sees his fathers shoes

Oh shit, I better hide somewhere before my pops finds out that I got high again!!

Ok, Ok, I am gonna hide in the living room...

Opens the living room door and sees his dad sitting there and reading a newspaper.

my bad p...

My son silently gazing at the stars asked me "Daddy, how do stars die?"

I looked at him and replied "Usually by drug overdose".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW - A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.

What are you doing?" she exclaimed.

The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he ...

I said to my teenage son "There are two words I'm hearing a lot, and they're starting to grate"

"I'd like you to stop using them so much, please. One of them is 'cringe' and the other is 'epic'. Do you think you could manage that?"

He said "Sure, Dad -- what are the two words?"

Father: "Son, you were adopted.” Son: "What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"

Father: "We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will be here to pick you up in 20 minutes.”

A mom visist her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate

A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of th...

A divorced father picks his 5 year old son up for their weekend together.

After they have lunch the father says “what do you want to do now, son?”

Kid says, “I want to go back to Sea World!”

“No, son, we’re not doing that.”

“Please”

“No”

“Pretty please?”

“No”

“Why not?”

“You just got here. I don’t feel like taking yo...

Doctor: your son is in a stable condition...

doctor: it's so stable, it will never fluctuate again.

The wrong son died!

Either you'll get it or you won't.

My son walked up to me and told me I taught him good.

I guess I never taught him grammar.

Whats the difference between my son and taco bell

I love taco bell

Three sons left home, went out into the business world and all prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our mother." The second said, "I sent her a Lexus with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You know how much Mom enjoys reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the enti...

Son: "Dad, what's a forklift "

Me: "Food, usually."

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My son adorably can't pronounce Ks and they always come out as Ts...

... it was all cute until he asked my neighbour if he could "stroke her titties".

My son just told me that someone said I sound like an owl

I said, “who?”

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Dad approaches Timmy, "Son, did you push the outhouse over?".

Timmy: "No dad! It wasn't me!".

Dad: "Let me tell you a story. Years ago George Washington's dad asked him if he cut down the cherry tree. George Washington said, 'I cannot tell a lie', and admitted to cutting down the tree. His father was proud of him and didn't punish him."

Timmy: "O...

My son turned 9 today

now its a 6

What did the librarian tell her son?

**Read more**

A mother and son were talking to each other

Mother to Son: Who is Sultan Aziz?

Son : Don't know

Mother : you should pay attention to your studies

Son to Mother : Do you know Aunty Jennifer?

Mother : Don't know

Son: Pay attention to who daddy meets too

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TIFU by trying to punish my son after finding bondage gear, fetish masks, and milf porn in his room

I really shoulda thought twice before spanking him

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Two sons: one’s an annoying optimist, and the other is an insufferable pessimist.

Their parents were concerned about both of them, so they took them to a Psychiatrist for evaluation.

After listening to their concerns, the Psychiatrist says:

“Aha, I think I can help you! For your pessimistic son, you will buy him the best and most expensive toys, place them in this...

Son: If you could save any famous person who would it be?

Daughter: Martin Luther King Jr.

Son: I would save the Rock.

Daughter: He’s not dead.

Son: You’re welcome.

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- "Darling, why is our son such foul-mouth?"

-"Bitch, I don't fucking know where he learned all this shit... Must be bad influence of the Internet!"

A man with hearing problems crashed his car into an expensive car,

The owner of the expensive car walks out of his house and says “give me 10.000 dollars or I’ll beat the hell out of you!!” The man replies “Woah woah buddy I don’t have that much, but let me call my son he trains dolphins”. The man calls his son and right as he was about to talk the owner of the exp...

Mother is waking her son: “Paulie, come, wake up, you have to go to school.”

“Aw mom, just a bit more sleep, please.”

“No, it’s really high time, now get up.”

“But I don’t want to. The children annoy me and the teachers are a complete pain!”

“Stop it, now. Get up and off to school with you!”

“Mom, give me two good reasons why I should go to ...

A mother says to her young son, "It's high time you learned the difference between a man and a woman."

"Take off my shirt," she says. So he takes off her shirt.

"Take off my pants," she says. So he takes off her pants.

"Take off my bra," she says. So he takes off her bra.

"Take off my panties," she says. So he takes off her panties.

Then the mother says to her son, "I don'...

My son is dumber than yours!

Two men meet at a bar:

- My son is dumber than yours!

- No he's not!

- So let's do it like this, if he is dumber than yours, you give me 10 dollars, otherwise I'll give it to you!

- Okay, okay.

- Okay. Jonhy, come here!

- Yes father?

- Take 2 dol...

One day when Jesus was relaxing in Heaven, He happened to notice a familiar-looking old man.

Wondering if the old man was His father Joseph, Jesus asked him, "Did you, by any chance, ever have a son?"

"Yes," said the old man, "but he wasn't my biological son. He was born by a miracle, by the intervention of a magical being from the heavens."

"Very interesting," said Jesus. "Di...

The dad and son joke.

Son: "dad, how does it feel to have a beautiful son?"

Father: "Idk son, ask your grandfather"

In these strange times, the doctors forced me to wear glasses while I was giving birth to my son.

They insisted on contactless delivery.

Son: "Hey Dad, Happy 25th Anniversary. Jeez! Almost all my friend's parents are divorced. What did you have to do to stay married for this long?"

Dad: "Keep mum."

My son, Carson, asked me where he got his name

I told him, "well you were conceived in the backseat of my car, so you're our car-son"

My son asked, "Dad, what are condoms for?"

"Usually to avoid answering questions like these," I replied.

Whenever my son puts on a cloak he starts running around like a male cow.

He's in cape a bull.

A Jewish father calls his son in New York and tells him...

“I hate to tell you, but your mother and I can't stand each other anymore and we are divorcing. That's it! I want to live out the rest of my years in peace. I am telling you now so you and your sister shouldn't go into shock later when I move out."

The father hangs up and David immediately c...

Son walks in

And sees his mother jumping on his dad in bed

The day after son asks his mum what she was doing jumping on top of her dad and she replied that she was trying to remove air from his tummy.

Son replies"Mum is useless because the baby sitter keeps pumping him again"

My son was watching me read “War and Peace”, and asked me, “Why is the book so thick?”

I said, “Well, ..it’s a long story.”

My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."

"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"

Four women were talking to one another about their sons, whom all were men of the cloth

The first woman said, "I'm so proud of my son. He's a monsignor, and when he enters the room, everyone calls him 'His Holiness.'" The second woman said, "My son is a Cardinal, and everyone calls him 'His Excellence' when he enters a room." The third woman said, "My son is a bishop, and when he enter...

My son came out of the closet today

I swear his body keeps falling out I knew I should have brought a better lock

A dad and his son walk into a bar.

"Sorry, we don't serve minors." Said the bartender, who was often misunderstood.

The son said "But I turned 21 a year ago!".

The bartender clarified, "I know. I'm talking about your father."

The Father, having heard this, throws his pickaxe and headlamp to the ground in anger.

I found my son hanging from a rope in his bedroom.

On the floor was a note saying, "I can't stand the critism anymore."

I quickly cut him down, gave him CPR and he started to breathe.

As he lay in my arms I saw his eyes slowly open and I said, "That's not how you spell criticism."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today I bought my son a trampoline.

Instead of thanking me, he just starts bitching around in his wheelchair.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mom comes home and as she opens the door, her son runs to her, shouting...

Son, panicking: "Mom mom! Dad hung himself in the attic!"
Mom, shocked, out of breath and words runs all panicky towards the attic...
She looks to the right, to the left, over and over again,... yet there's no sight of this dreadful act taking place.
And just as she's about to angril...

What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him of at school?

Bison.

A man sends his son to Israel

A Jewish businessman in America decided to send his son to Israel to absorb some of the culture of the homeland. When the son returned, the father asked him to tell him about his trip.
The son said, "Pop, I had a great time in Israel. By the way, I converted to Christianity." "Oy vey," said the ...

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A father of 3 and one of his sons were cooking pizza

They put the pizza in the oven and waited

When the timer went off, the father went to pull it out when the son said “Let me pull it out.”

The father then said “You shouldn’t, it’s really hot.”

The son replied “Dad, you have 3 children, I don’t trust you to pull out.”

Having a son the last eight years has been a learning experience, and has taught me all about responsibility.

"I'm really proud of myself," I told my girlfriend.

"You shouldn't be," she replied. "He's 24."

Son you're going to have a new brother

Son - omg does it mean mommy's....

Dad - No , we're giving you to another family

Cheers

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Son: "Mom, Dad, I'm gay."

Mom: *Stares at Dad*

Dad: *Clenches fist*

Mom: "Don't!"

Dad: *Sweats Profusely*

Mom: "..."

Dad: "HI GAY, I'M DAD"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My son asked, “Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!”

I gently put my arm around him and replied, “That’s easy son…”

“Stop eating caterpillars!”

I called my son a bloody disappointment and my girlfriend burst out into tears

Appartently, she's sensitive about her miscarriage

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My neighbor has a son who is a genius. The kid graduated high school at age 13, graduated college magna cum laude at age 15, and graduated from one of the top law schools at age 17. He was admitted to the bar one month later. So, I asked my neighbor what his son's secret was.

He said that his son showed the bouncer his older brother's drivers license.

The king had no son, and the crown was without an heir.

But then, he had an idea: He opened the window in the throne room, and now there was air to the throne.

I walked in on my son beating his meat

I didn't know he got a job at the deli!

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As a father of sons, one fact I have to live with

Is that other guys' dicks have been in my wife every day for months on end.

What did the Melon say to his son about running off with his girlfriend?

Son, You can't elope

“Son, you’re just not cut out to be a mime”

“Why dad, is it something I said?”


“...Yes”

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An old holocaust survivor dies and gets into heaven

He seeks out God and asks him: "Hey God, I've heard this really funny joke on earth. Do you want to hear it?"

God smiles serenly and answers: "Yes, my son, please tell it to me."

The jew grins and says: "How do you get the number of a girl in Auschwitz? You look on her arm!"

God...

I will name my son Physics.

So that I will be called Father of Physics.

my son is a male trapped in a female body

he'll be born in may.

My son said, “The manual is telling me not to turn up the stereo to full volume.”

I said, “That’s....sound advice.”

I made the decision to have "the talk" with my son very early

I chose 5 a.m so he wasn't late for work

I wanted to name my son Lance, but my wife said it was too uncommon.

I told her that in medieval days, people were named Lance a lot.

My wife and I caught our teenage son with weed so we decided to play good cop bad cop

I shot him in the back while she just looked the other way

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Son takes his father to the doctor. The doctor gives them the bad news that the father is dying of cancer.

Father tells the son that he has had a good long life and wants to stop at the boozer on the way home to celebrate it.

While at the pub, the father sees several of his friends. He tells them that he is dying of AIDS.

When the friends leave the son asks, "Dad, you are dying of cancer. W...

I bought a new puppy for my son (3)

Now he doesnt have to wait alone in the hot car

A Young Vulture is sick of eating dead things and wants to be a vegetarian...

So he asks his parents whether they can start incorporating some vegetables into their meals.

His father is ashamed of him and says 'No'.

So the young vulture asks if he could bring a carrot to dinner and his mother and father tell him that he is a disgrace to the family and to put the...

My GF wants to name our son Dikembe Mutombo

I said, “NO NO NO”

A son asked his dad, "Dad, what's an alcoholic?'

The dad replied, "Well, son, you see those four trees? An alcoholic would see eight."

The son replied, "But Dad, I only see two."

What do you call a beta male's son?

A Simpson

Son: Dad, that’s Emma Watson

Dad: Emma, what son
Son: yeah, that’s what I said

A father is telling his son some berry good jokes.

Father: What do you call a sad strawberry?

Son: What?

Father: A blueberry!

Son: That's the worse joke you told me.

Father: Well that was berry rude of you to say!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So my mom called me a son of a bitch...

And I said, "I definitely am, nothing wrong there".

Anyways, I'm grounded now.

Eskimo Reading Fairy Tales to her son in an Igloo

Mother: "Little Jack Horner, sat in a corner -- "

Son: " -- Mom, what's a corner?"

Four dads are arguing, each dad claims to have the best son in the world.

The first dad says, "My son is the best because he is so rich, I only gave him a small loan of a million dollars and he ended up making four billion dollars from his multi-billion dollar hotel business. He has even appeared on many TV shows. He is so successful that he was elected to lead a country....

Well, a father and son from Germany went to a zoo in Australia

So upon arrival the little son pointed at the first animal he saw. Staring at a kangaroo he asked: "Daddy what is this animal called?"

"Well, my son, this animal lives especially in Australia and it's called a dangerou." answered dad.

The son looked around and saw a lion standing on a ...

A dad is driving when his son asks him, “dad, what’s a drunk?”

The dad says “well, you see those four cars ahead of us? A drunk would see eight”

The boy says “but dad, there are only two”

The scariest and most feared whale in the entire ocean had his son kidnapped by krill

The scariest and most feared whale in the entire ocean had his son kidnapped by krill, in a guerilla act of revenge for all of the family they'd lost over the years. They snuck up one night, and in their masses, surrounded the sleeping calf, and swam away, carrying him miles away from his father. ...

Edward Carrington Marshal, the only son of John Marshall, who was the original owner of the famous Liberty Bell, was found dead.

Police suspect Will Smith, since his fresh prints were found on the bell heir.

My Mexican friend is naming his sons in relation to the order they are born.

At least I think that was the idea, because his first son is called Juan, and his second son is called Juan too.

Little Johnny is taking a shower

Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.

Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father t...

Here’s a classic jewish joke.

A mother brings her son two new ties as a birthday gift for her adult son. Later, in the evening the two meet for dinner and the son is wearing one of the ties. His mother takes one look at him and says, “You didn’t like the other tie?”

The son of a godfather comes back home at the end of school year with his report.

The report states:

History A

Math A+

Science A+

Literature A

Geography B+



The father grabs a gun and shot him in the head.

The mother shocked and in tears asks: "why did you shoot him?!"

And the Boss: "he knew too much"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three very successful businessmen were sitting in a restaurant and discussed about their sons

First businessman goes to say "my son finished Oxford University, now he has his own company, he's rich and for his best friend's birthday he got him a brand new Lamborghini"


"Wow that's very impressive" they all agree


Second one says "my son, my pride and joy, he opened his ow...

Son, you’re adopted

Son: Whoa, I wonder who my real parents are.

Parent: We are your real parents, your NEW parents are on the way.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man turns 85 in a nursing home, his son hires a prostitute to pay him a visit.

She bursts into his room wearing a nurse's uniform and said " Are you ready for Super Sex?"

He sits up, looks her over and says, I think I'll have the soup today.

My son is a male trapped in a female's body, so we took him to a psychiatrist.

For some reason, the doc kicked us out when we told him our son was due in in 3 months.

I was disappointed when my son got a job as a scarecrow

But he's outstanding in his field!

I named my first son Pete

And I named my second son Repete

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A jewish woman goes to the hospital to give birth to her son.

Unfortunately the baby boy is born without eyelids.

The jewish woman is hysterical and says: Doctor, doctor what am i going to do? My baby boy has no eyelids!

The doctor calmly replies: Missus Levine, don't worry your son is going to be circumcised so we can do a transplant and give h...

I went in my son's room today and told him he was adopted. He said "I knew it, who are my parents?"

...I told him he didn't understand... we were his parents, and he had ten minutes to pack.

I came home with a salamander on my shoulder and my son, all excited, shouted, "What's his name!?” Smiling, I replied, “Tiny!" My kid laughed and asked, “What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?” I explained...

“Because...he’s my newt!"

My son told me he didn't understand cloning.

I told him, "That makes two of us".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My son told me today that he heard someone on the news call Trump a penis potato.

I think he meant dictator.

My son's music teacher called me "your son is just like Elvis!"

"Is he an equally talented singer?" I asked.

"No", she replied. "We found him dead on a toilet."

Am I adopted?

Fred came home from University in tears.

"Mum, am I adopted?"

"No of course not", replied his mother. Why would you think such a thing?

Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side o...

I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

My teenage son treats me like a god.

He acts like I don't exist, until he wants something.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The son of an Indian Maharaja visits his father the day before his wedding

"Hello father", he says, "I have to admit that I am quite nervous for tomorrow". The Mahajara laughs and says: "Don't you worry, my son, everything is been taken care of. You just sit back and enjoy the day". The son looks hesitantly and answers: "I'm more nervous for the wedding night. You see, I'v...

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