For an experiment, my son as been wearing a different Manchester United top for two weeks. So far he's been spat at, verbally abused, and punched...

God knows what will happen to him when he leaves the house.

Today my son asked, "Can you lend me a book mark?"

I immediately burst into tears.

12 years old and he doesn't know my name is Brian

‌‌A woma‌‌n stoppe‌‌d by‌‌, unannounced‌‌, a‌‌t he‌‌r son'‌‌s house‌‌. Sh‌‌e knocke‌‌d o‌‌n th‌‌e doo‌‌r the‌‌n immediatel‌‌y walke‌‌d in.

Sh‌‌e wa‌‌s shocke‌‌d t‌‌o se‌‌e he‌‌r daughter-in-la‌‌w lyin‌‌g o‌‌n th‌‌e couch‌‌, totall‌‌y naked‌‌. Sof‌‌t musi‌‌c wa‌‌s playing‌‌, an‌‌d th‌‌e arom‌‌a o‌‌f perfum‌‌e fille‌‌d th‌‌e room‌‌. "Wha‌‌t ar‌‌e yo‌‌u doing?!‌‌", sh‌‌e asked.

"I'‌‌m waitin‌‌g fo‌‌r Mik‌‌e t‌‌o com‌‌e hom‌‌e fro‌‌...

Son: "Daddy, I fell in love and want to date this awesome girl!"

Father: "That's great, son! Who is she?"

Son: "It's Sandra, the neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Sandra is actually your sister."

The boy is naturally bummed out, bu...

A Jewish man decides his son isn't religious enough, so he pays for him to go visit Israel...

When his son comes back, however, he says he's now a Christian.

Exasperated, the man goes to his friend for advice, but his friend says, "that's funny, I sent my son to Israel last year and when he came back, he also said he was Christian."

The two men decide to speak to their rabbi ab...

A mom visist her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate

A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of th...

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A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b\*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b\*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don...

I took my 7 year old son to the zoo today and as we were walking around, he suddenly shouted, “look at the frickin’ elephant, dad!”

I was shocked and slightly angry, as everybody was looking at us...


“What did you just call it?” I asked.


“It's a frickin' Elephant, it says so on the podium!” he said, and so it did, African Elephant.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases..."

"...In her 20's, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30's and 40's, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom...

I went in my son's room today and told him he was adopted. He said "I knew it, who are my parents?"

...I told him he didn't understand... we were his parents, and he had ten minutes to pack.

I was disappointed when my son got a job as a scarecrow

But he's outstanding in his field!

My son asked, "Dad, what are condoms for?"

"Usually to avoid answering questions like these," I replied.

I told my 14 year old son I thought 'Fortnite' was a stupid name for a computer game.



I think it is just too weak.

My son told me he didn't understand cloning.

I told him, "That makes two of us".

Dad: To be honest, July is my favourite month. Son: Why July?

Dad: I never lied.

Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son.

He said: ‘dad, can’t you just use a sponge?’

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back...

The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.

Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help....

A father notices his son has a lot of new toys lately

he asks the boy how come he can afford them.

son: "Because of my hiking."

dad: "Hiking?, how do you get money by hiking?"

son: "There's this man that comes to visit mum a couple of times a week, while you're at work, he always gives me $10 and tells me to take a hike."

My teenage son treats me like a god.

He acts like I don't exist, until he wants something.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Son: "Mom, Dad, I'm gay."

Mom: *Stares at Dad*

Dad: *Clenches fist*

Mom: "Don't!"

Dad: *Sweats Profusely*

Mom: "..."

Dad: "HI GAY, I'M DAD"

My son is a male trapped in a female's body, so we took him to a psychiatrist.

For some reason, the doc kicked us out when we told him our son was due in in 3 months.

My son, who is into astronomy, asked me how stars die?

"Usually from overdose,son," I told him.

I found my son hanging from a rope in his bedroom.

On the floor was a note saying, "I can't stand the critism anymore."

I quickly cut him down, gave him CPR and he started to breathe.

As he lay in my arms I saw his eyes slowly open and I said, "That's not how you spell criticism."

I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

A father is called into school by his son’s teacher

Sir, you must know that your son drew a fly on his bench that looked so realistic I almost broke my hand trying to swat it!

Ha, that’s nothing. This morning I went into the bathroom and he had painted a crocodile in the bathtub. You should have seen me run away through the painted door...

My two year-old son told his first joke today. Afterwards, he burst out laughing for about 5 minutes straight saying 'I'm so funny' over and over again.

The joke.
Son comes in carrying a soft toy, a cow.

Son: "Mummy Mummy cow is being noisy!"

Mummy: "How is cow being nois---"

Son: "Moooooooo!!!!"
Then bursts into loud laughter.

Love this kid!

A new sapling popped up between a maple and a pine tree in the forest and they got into an argument over what kind of tree it was. The maple thinks it's a son of a birch and the pine thinks it's a son of a beech. Neither one was willing to concede to the other...

The maple barked, "It's a son of a birch!"

The pine bristled, "It's a son of a beech!"

"Son of a birch!"

"Son of a beech!"

After arguing back and forth for a while, they decided that they needed someone else to sort out what kind of tree it was.

They called Mr. Woo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A student visits the principal’s office one day and the principal says to him, “What’s your name, son?” He replies: “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” The principal looks up and asks him, “Oh, do you have a stutter?”

The student replies, “No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was an asshole.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Son takes his father to the doctor. The doctor gives them the bad news that the father is dying of cancer.

Father tells the son that he has had a good long life and wants to stop at the boozer on the way home to celebrate it.

While at the pub, the father sees several of his friends. He tells them that he is dying of AIDS.

When the friends leave the son asks, "Dad, you are dying of cancer. W...

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Wife: Our son called me a bitch today

Husband: What! That little son of a bitch

A family is at the zoo with their young son

They’re walking into the elephant exhibit and the dad steps away to go get some popcorn. As the son is looking at the elephants, he turns to his mother and asks

“Mom, what’s that hanging down between the elephants legs?”

“Oh that’s his trunk sweetie, it’s kind of like their nose”
...

Dad: "Son, what are you drinking" "Soy milk?"

Son: "Hola milk, soy es tu padre!"

My son: Dad, I'm going to tell you a pun.

My son: Dad, I'm going to tell you a pun.

Me: What's that, son?

Son: It's like a joke, but you play with words.

My son got an F in his geography exam today.

I sent him to his room but he ended up in the kitchen

I named my son COVID-19

So I can say to my wife “Honey let’s beat COVID-19 together!”

No one suspects a thing when I say it in public.

My son is taking part in a social experiment where he has to wear a t-shirt saying "GO VEGAN" for 2 weeks and see how people react.

So far, he has been punched, spit on and a bottle thrown at him!

I'm curious to see what happens when he goes outside.

A farmer had three sons.

One day his oldest came to him and said that since he was graduating from high school, he would really like to get a car. His father said, "Son, come here." He took him to the barn and pointed to the tractor and said, "This tractor is needed for the farm and I promise, as soon as it's paid for, we'l...

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A father is annoyed at his son who won't stop looking at dad jokes on reddit. "Son! Get your ass down here! double time!" He shouts

As his words hit the air, His son suddenly vanishes, leaving behind only a note.

It reads: "Me and my donkey are now downstairs. The year is 4040"

My son asked me for $100 in bitcoins.

I said, "$9 in bitcoins, why would you want $67 in bitcoins?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sometimes my mom calls me a son of a bitch.

I completely agree!

This is a son and a father in a car and the father says:

Father: Son, can you check if the car blinker is working

The son goes to the front of the car and starts looking at the car blinkers.

Father: Okey, is it working?

Son: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A father and his son went outside for a walk.

The son steps on a butterfly. The father jokes : “Your going to have to eat some butter now!”

When they return back to their home, they find the kid’s mother cooking in the kitchen. She accidentally steps on a cockroach. The son says to the father : “I’ll leave you guys to it then.”

It was a difficult conversation telling my son to call me dad instead of mom now

But I wanted to be transparent.

What did the father say to his son?....

"son you had so much potential, until you jumped off the cliff "

Father questions son.

“What’s the difference between a curtain and toilet paper ?”

“I don’t know.”

“So it was you.”

My son calling me dad was my breaking point

I finally shaved my legs

My son wanted me to post this: What's the opposite of a Neanderthal?

A: A Neandersmall

I was rushed into the ER because my son squirted glue into my eye.

It was an eye-opening experience.

“Son, in Vietnam, I killed hundreds of people”

Son: But dad you also said you were just a shipwright

Dad: Never said I was a good one

Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did...

Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return.

Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple.

"Who is it?"

"It's Mark."

Jesus opens the door.

"What did you bring Mark?"

"Marijuana from Colombia."

"Very well son, come i...

A father finally tells his son he's adopted...........

Son: I wonder who my real father was

Father : no you don't get it. I am your real father, your new father is on his way

“Doctor, I intend to not vaccinate my son. Should I take any precautions?”

“Yes. Don’t get too attached to him”.

I will always remember my son's first words

"Where the heck have you been the past 16 years?"

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Son: Dad do you remember your first blowjob?

Son: Dad do you remember your first blowjob?

Dad: Ohhh yeah I do!

Son: How did it taste?

Dad: Get out.

A father had promised his two young sons he would take them on a fishing trip

The boys were digging for fishing bait in their parents' garden. Uncovering a many legged creature, one of the boys proudly dangled it before his Father.

"No, son, he won't do for bait" his Father said. "He's not an earthworm".

"He's not?" the boy asked, his eyes wide. "What planet i...

A son asks his dad, "Why is my sister named Teresa?"

"Because your mom loves Easter, and Teresa is an anagram for Easter."

"Thanks Dad!"

"You're welcome Alan."

Why did a dad take his son to a burger shop before leaving forever?

To get him a bison burger

I was just looking out my window at my neighbor's back yard where their son is celebrating his college graduation with a few friends.

So sad those kids have so much student loan debt that they all have to share one ratty-looking cigarette.

My father looked me in the eyes and sagely advised, “ Son, find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.”

“She knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them.”

Son: Mom you are such a liar!

Mom: What?
Son: You told me that lil Johnny is an Angel.
Mom: He sure is.
Son: Then how come he didn’t fly when I threw him out of the window...

Father Rabbit teaches his Rabbit Son life lessons.

So Father Rabbit takes four female rabbits and lines them up in front of his son.

"Son", says Father Rabbit, "we are small and vulnerable animals, and everyone in the woods wants to eat us. That's why we have to do everything really fast to stay safe. Including reproduction. I brought these f...

Son: Why is my sister's name Paris?

Dad: Because we conceived her in Paris.

Son: Thanks dad.

Dad: No problem Quarantine.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A child asks his father what "gay" means

The father says it means happy to his son, to which the son replies "Dad are you gay?" The father laughs and says "no son I have a wife".

After my son’s soccer game, the goalkeeper invited him and I for a party afterwards.

It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.

Stephen King's Sons

When Stephen King’s twin sons were born, he had a hard time coming up with names for them. Finally, after several hours of thinking, he managed to pull a couple out of the air.

“I’ll name the first son Joseph, after my great-grandfather.”“Fine, and what about the other one?” His wife asked....

My son Luke loves that we have named our children after Star Wars characters

My daughter Chewbacca not so much

When my 5 year old son asked me what coffee tastes like;

I said, “Unfortunately, not as good as it smells.” And he said, “Oh. Like shampoo.”

My epileptic son loves our new Christmas Tree

You should see how excited he gets when we turn on the lights.

A husband says to his wife, "You know, our son got his brain from me."

The wife replies, "I think he did. I still got mine with me!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A son asks his father what a vagina looks like.....

And the father says "It looks like a very beautiful flower that must be plucked very gently"
And the son asks "What does it look like after its been plucked?"
And the father responds "Like a bulldog with a mouth full of mayonnaise"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My 13 year old son was attacked for being white and a Donald Trump supporter.

And I'll fucking do it again.

My father always told me "son, you should always fight fire with fire"

Probably why he lost his job as a fireman

An atheist is hiking in the woods...

So an atheist is hiking in the woods when he stumbles across a huge hungry grizzly bear. The bear rears up to full height and gives a roar as it leans in toward the man. The atheist screams in terror "Oh God, help me!!!"

Suddenly, everything--> the bear, the trees, the birds, everything bu...

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My son swalled a bunch of scrabble tiles.

His next poop could spell disaster.

My son told me this joke when he was two. "Knock knock..."

"Who's there?"

"Boo."

"Boo who?"

"CHICAGO"

He's almost 13 now, so... even if you downvote me straight to Hell, this works out.

Because I can just give him a lecture over why it's all his fault, and then I will be a successful parent today.

father and son

- Son! Why is the whiskey bottle half empty?
- Cause you are a pessimist.

I was gutted today when I came home and was told by my wife that my 5 year old son wasn't actually mine.

She says that I need to pay more attention when picking him up from school.

A father and a son were talking about the possibility of cloning each other. The son says, “Umm, I don’t know about that. I don’t really fully understand what it does.” The father looks at him and says..

“Well son, that makes two of us.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mother serves a creamy yellow soup to her son and his girlfriend at the dinner tablr

Everyone begins consuming it immediately. The girlfriend, an aspiring theater actress, says to her boyfriend’s mother, “This soup is absolutely delicious! What’s the secret ingredient?”

“Piss,” replied his mother.

Everyone promptly spits out their soup.

“Excuse me?” asks his ...

What did the Buffalo say to his son when he left for college?

Bison

While watching TV with his wife, a man tosses peanuts into the air and catches them in his mouth.

While watching TV with his wife, a man tosses peanuts into the air and catches them in his mouth. Just as he throws another peanut into the air, the front door opens, causing him to turn his head. The peanut falls into his ear and gets stuck. His daughter comes in with her date. The man explains the...

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Son: Dad, am I adopted?

**Dad:** No. Why the fuck would I chose you?

Dad and Son have a conversation about joining the Navy.

Dad: You wanna join the navy? You can’t even swim!


Son: But then in the Air Force no one can fly either.

The son of a Saudi price writes to his father.

Dear Father,

I am doing well in school here in London. But I have a feeling of shame due to the fact my friends and professors all ride the train to university, and I have to drive the gold Ferrari....

The father concerned with his son's letter, writes back...

Dear Son,

I...

As told by my son. The student has become the dad joke master.

While eating porkchops out back.

Me: Hey, you want a bone to chew on?
Son: Gnaw bro.

Son: dad... who is a good man?

Dad: good man is who take care of his family

Son: someday i want to be a good man like mom

Dad:....

Son: "Dad am I adopted?"

Dad: " No,not yet. The papers have only been posted for 20 minutes."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My 8 year old son asked me for a bookmark

I said “listen you little shit, were not going through this again just for the sake of imaginary karma on a goddamn website”

My son was grabbing my nicotine gum...

When I stopped him.

“Son, you can’t have those.”

“But Dad, I see you chewing it all the time!”

“That’s because I used to smoke. If you want them you better start smoking first”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My son got suspended for defending himself against a bully

So I went to the school to see why that happened...

“It’s against our policy to hit other students.” Says the principal.

“So you’re telling me that anyone in your school who feels threaten in a situation shouldn’t even fight back?” I say

“Yes”

So I did what any rational ...

Three old ladies are sitting around a table playing bridge and bragging about their sons.

“My Freddie,” said Margaret, “Everyone should be so lucky to have a son like my Freddie. Once a week he brings me a huge bouquet of flowers, he’s constantly bringing me out to restaurants to eat, if I so much as hint that I want something the next morning it’s on my doorstep.”

“That’s very n...

Son: why did you cut that book in half?

The dad was like: “long story short”

I tucked my son into bed...

When I'm about to leave, he looked up at me and said, "Daddy, check for monsters under the bed." Amused, I look underneath for him and see him, another him, shaking under the bed, and he whispers: "Daddy, there's someone on my bed."

Then I grounded the twin because it's a bad joke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man an his little son are driving down a country lane one day...

A man an his little son are driving down a country lane one day when the little boy starts pointing out of the car window at two horses in a field and asks, "What are those two horses doin\` in that field daddy?"

His daddy looks into the field at the two horses and sees that they are shagging...

A mother and her son are looking at old photo albums

The son points to a photo and asks:

"Mom, who is this muscular guy with so much hair?"

His mother responds:

"Can't you see that? That is your father."

"Oh..." He pauses "But if he's my father, then who is that fat bald guy that lives here?"

Son: dad instead of going home on bus I ran behind it and saved 2 dollars!

Dad: why didn't you run behind a cab? You would have saved 15 dollars!?

My son, while gazing up at the sky, asked me how stars die

"Usually an overdose", I said

My 5 yr old son came up with this - what is the opposite of Kathmandu?

DogLadyDont

My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday. He said; maybe they’ll marry each other.

Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age...

Son: Mom, is it correct to say you're going to water the horse?

Mom: Yes, son.

Son: alright, well I'm going to go bone the dog.

Neighbour's 8 year old son: Corona has looted half my inheritance

Me: How?

Him: My mom is pregnant

My son is so creative...

That he creates new problems everyday.

My wife always wanted a son with a foreign sounding name.

So, after she
gave birth she decided on Mark but
with a C.
I just went now to register his name!
l am so excited on my way home to see
little baby Cark!

As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal."

"Until the pressure got to him."

Why was the son of Odin Thor?

He sat down without his asgard

Today i taught my son a lesson by eating his homework.

Tomorrow he will learn that most people do not believe you, even if you tell the truth.

Dad: Son, you're adopted.

Son: Oh wow I wonder who my real parents are.

Dad: We are your real parents, your adopted parents are coming to pick you up.

My son screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?" What a strange way to start a conversation with me...

Lmao I’m not actually a dad I just thought this was a really good joke.

A man and his son are out for a drive...

After a few miles the son tells his dad "I need to go wee." The father looks around but there are no places open to stop. He tells his son he will need to hold it. A few minutes later the son, now more frantic, says again "I need to go wee!" Looking around there is a gas station a few blocks up....

So a dad and his son go into a bar...

His son is literally only a head (doesn’t need vital organs to live in this joke)
Sons birthday so the dad buys him a shot
Son takes shot and boom he becomes a full bodied functional man
Dad is so happy he says shots all around
The son takes another shot and dies
Dad is now crying hy...

My son is now at that age where he's curious about the human body.

I guess I'll have to hide it somewhere else now.

An immigrant mother finally got her Visa to visit her adult son in America.

It's been years since they've seen each other, and after he joyfully picks her up at the airport, he brings her to his home, where his two children are playing.

"Oh," the mother says. "One child is black... and the other is red-haired." She paused. "They must be adopted... I thought you said ...

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A man is shopping at a pharmacy with his 10 year old son

As they go through the aisles the man’s son points and says “What are those?” The man looks to see his son pointing at the condoms and thinks “maybe it’s time to tell him some facts of life.”

“Those are condoms son,” the man says calmly, “They’re what men use when they want to practice safe ...

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Son: "Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don't know what Politics is."

Son: "Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don't know what Politics is.”

Father: "Well, let's take our home as an example. I am the bread-winner, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum is the administrator of money, so we'll call her Government. We take care of your need, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer with one cow lives in a tiny farm with his wife, and three sons.

One morning he stepped outside to milk the cow, only to find it stiff and unmistakenably dead in its meadow. The farmer drops down in despair.

'How am I supposed to support my family without our only source of income?', he exclaims. In utter disbelief he walks to the shed, grabs his shotgun, ...

I told my son about the birds and the bees.

He told me about my wife and the butcher.

My father once told me, "Son, in this world, there are 10 types of people."

Those who understand binary and those who don't.

A Welsh father is hitchhiking with his son when he comes across a sheep with his head stuck in a fence

The father says to the son "Watch this." and proceeds to undo his zipper and then makes love to the sheep. When he is finished, he steps away from the sheep and says to his son "Your turn, son." The son sighs before sticking his head in the fence.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jewish man sends his son to Israel to live there for a while . . .

A Jewish man sends his son to Israel to live there for a while. Eventually he returns home and he is now a Christian. The man finds this to be odd and mentions it to his friend.

The friend listens, thinks for a moment and says, "That's odd. I sent my son to Israel as a Jew and he returned a...

A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol. He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in whiskey curled up and died. "All right, son." asked the father, "what does that show you?"

"Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms."

A Son To His Mom

Son: Mom , Mom! Does Granny do parkour?


Mom: No , Son.


Son: Ah ,Then she fell from the balcony

Son: Dad, what are this 'trans fats" given on the label?

Dad: Trans fats are both groups of people you can't make fun of.

My son’s kindergarten teacher was arrested for heroin possession…

In hindsight, the small pupils were a dead giveaway…

The son wanna date a neighbour

\- Dad, can I date Lisa next door?

\- No, she is your sister.

\- How about Anna in block 59?

\- No, she is your little sister.

\- Ok, this is weird. How about Karen the waitress? Can I date her or is she my sister too?

\- No, she is your brother.

The upset s...

I told my son I have his knees

I told him he will get his kidneys when he’s older.

A joke my son told me when he was younger...

Son: knock knock

Dad: Who's there?

Son: Ah

Dad: Ah who?

Son: Bless You!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The son comes home and tells happily: "Mum, we compared our willy at school today"

"And guess what? I got the biggest one of all!"



To which the mother replies: "I hope so, my son. After all, you are the teacher."

An aging farmer decided it was time for his youngest son to start pulling his weight around the farm.

His older, strong-armed and favoured son, Jedediah worked hard every day, getting up extra early every morning to milk the cow before dutifully doing the rest of his chores.

The farmers delicious milk became very popular around the area with neighbours often walking miles in for a glass and ...

Long ago a wolf explained to his son "eat a man and you'll be fed for a day,

Roll over and play dead and you'll be fed for the rest of your life"

I don’t trust those trees, son.

Son: What?! Why not?

They seem kinda shady to me.

A Jewish Atheist sends his son to school.

A Jewish atheist hears that the best school in town happens to be Catholic, so he enrolls his son. Things are going well until one day the boy comes home and says, “I just learned all about the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.” The boy’s father is barely able to control his rage. He grabs his so...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Girl: “Forgive me father for I have sinned.”

Priest: “What have you done my child?”

Girl: “I called a man a son of a bitch.”

Priest: “Why did you call him a son of a bitch?”

Girl: “Because he touched my hand.”

Priest: “Like this?” (as he touches her hand)

Girl: “Yes father.”

Priest: “That’s no reason t...

Unlike Stephen King's stories, there is nothing scary about his son

He's been Joe King ever since he was born

Funkiest joke in the world according to my 8 yr old son.

Knock knock

Who’s there?

Europe

Europe who?

No. YOU’RE A POO!

I told my son I was named after Albert Einstein

"But your name is Brian", he said.

"Yeah, I know - and I was named *after* Albert Einstein", you little prick.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A preacher's wife is preparing for dinner and makes her way to the butcher...

"I'd like your best ham, please," she says to the butcher.

"You'll have The Damn Ham," he replies.

Taken aback, she asks, "Sir, could you please not use that sort of language around me? My husband is a preacher, and I am a devout Christian."

"No, ma'am, I think you misunderstoo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wife was cleaning 12 year old son's bedroom

When she finds a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags. She asks her husband "what should we do?"

Her husband says "I'm no expert, but i wouldn't fucking spank him".

My son's music teacher called and told me that he was just like Elivis Presley!

I told her how proud I was of him.

Then she said "I don't think you understand, we found him dead on the toilet."

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