UPJOKE
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Coming Back Jokes

Paddy was coming back from his holiday in America.

As he came through Customs, he had two sacks over his shoulder. The Customs officer asked him what he had in the sacks? Paddy replied Mobile phones.

The customs officer didn't believe him and asked to be shown. Paddy opened each sack and sure enough both sacks contained quite a few phones. "W...

What's the scary dessert that keeps coming back?

Boo! meringue

My wife is coming back from holiday tomorrow...

Does anyone know how to delete the memory, from my memory foam mattress?

I love jokes about dad leaving for milk or something and not coming back

I'd tell them to my son but he probably wouldn't recognize me after all these years.

Studies show "not jokes" are coming back and are likely to be funnier than ever.

Not.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't know why y'all think Jesus Christ is coming back.

They didn't nail him to a fucking boomerang.

My dad called. He said he's coming back home after all this years.

The Boomer Rang

A man goes to the white house and asks to talk to president Trump.

A guard tells him that Trump is no longer president. The man then leaves.

The man comes back the next day and again asks to speak to president Trump. The guard says "like I already told you he is no longer president".

This then repeats a third day and at that point the guard asks "why ...

My girlfriend ran off with a member of ISIS and said shes never coming back

I guess she didnt know what Jihad.

Two sclerotic grannies are coming back from the cinema.

They encounter a grandson of one of them, who asks:
- "Hi grandma, what movie did you watch at the cinema?"
The old lady tries to remember the word she wants to say, but has trouble due to her bad memory, so she tries to guide the boy with the hints.
- "Umm... It's that thing that sticks fr...

My friend almost died coming back from a Disturbed concert

He came down with the sickness

A husband is coming back home after cheating on his wife.

He keeps all the lights turned off to not wake up his wife and starts walking up the stairs as quietly as possible.

While in the stairs, he feels someone else trying to walk past him.

Husband, whispering: *Hey, who is that?*

Stranger: Bro, whatever you're doing downstairs do it...

Coming Back as a Hillbilly

Q. What do you call it when you die and come back as a hillbilly?
A. Reintarnation

My beaver left me and she's never coming back

She said I'm not worth a dam.

I thought all the trees had broken when they lost their leaves last year. They're coming back now though.

What a re-leaf.

A 3rd grade class is coming back from recess...

When they get into the classroom, teacher says:

'Alright, we have a new student today, so we'll start this class nice and easy with a small discussion - what did you do during recess?'

The new student looked very nervous, so the teacher decided to start with someone else.

'How ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The war has ended, and children are coming back to school.

The teacher asks them: "What did you do during the war, kids?

And little Annie answers: "Me and my were were hiding partyzans under our house! We had to feed them, and not talk about the so the Gestapo wouldn't get them!"

Teacher: "That's very brave, Annie. And what did they say?'
<...

What do you say to a 60-year-old who keeps coming back to the same topic.

Ok, boomerang.

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