UPJOKE
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A friend gave me a free guitar the other day, but I've been having trouble playing it

I guess I can't complain though, it's not often someone just gives you something with no strings attached

I was having trouble with my internet connection at the farm, so I moved my modem to the barn.

Now I have stable wifi.

A man walks into a bar and says “I’m here to drink my troubles away!”

“Well you’ve come to the right place.” says the bartender, “What’ll it be?”

The man replies “One water please”

“Just a water??”

“Yeah, I have kidney stones.”

What do you call something that’s easy to get into, but hard to get out of?

Trouble.

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found ...

What do you call a pickle in trouble?

A pickle.

Why do Hitmen have trouble maintaining steady relationships?

Because their dates are always afraid of being taken out.

We're in Trouble

### We're in Trouble

The population of this country is 327 million.


76 million are retired.


That leaves 251 million to do the work.


There are 48 million people who are permanently disabled.


Which leaves 203 million to do the work

...

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A man was having trouble sleeping at night....

....due to a persistent and irrational phobia of monsters being under his bed. Despite knowing that there were no such things as monsters, his brain refused to let go of the fear that had haunted him all his life. He was undergoing therapy with a psychologist, but had gotten nowhere in several years...

Johnny sits at the bar staring at his drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to him, grabs his drink, gulps it down in one swig, and menacingly says, “Well thank you! Whatcha gonna to do about it?"

Johnny burst into tears. "Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can’t stand to see a man crying. What’s your problem?"

"This is the worst day of my life," Johnny says. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot...

Why did the toilet paper have trouble crossing the road?

It got stuck in a crack

I got in trouble my bookstore today...

...they didn't appreciate me moving The Handmaid's Tale to non-fiction.


(My heart goes out to the US. I'm so sorry.)

Deep trouble

A couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10. They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame.

The boys' mother heard that a rabbi in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she ...

A boxer was having trouble sleeping.

He goes to the doctor.

Doctor asks "Have you tried counting sheep?”

Boxer replies "I have but every time I get to the count of eight, I stand up.”

A young baker buys a shop

He is very excited as this is his first venture since qualifying. He sells ok on everyday items like bread, but runs into trouble with his 'special items'. One day he makes beautiful cakes, however his customers only want pastries that day. So the next day he makes pastries, but now they want muffin...

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Car troubles

My car was making weird engine noises the other day, so I pulled over and popped the hood to investigate. A drunk guy stumbled up to me and asked, “Washya problem, mate?”

“Piston broke”, I replied.

“No shit? Me too!”

If you've got flies in your house and are having trouble swatting them,

Invite an Italian over to tell you a story.

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-Johnny you can't bring your cat to the school you're gonna be in trouble for it

\-I know but I can't leave it at home

\-why ?

\-I heard my dad talking to my mum and said : "once the kid goes to school I'm gonna eat that pussy"

A kindergarten student was having trouble putting on his boots, and asked his teacher for help.

Even with her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. Finally they got both boots on. She grimaced when the little boy said, "They're on the wrong feet."
Sure enough, they were. The teacher kept her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on - this time on the co...

KGB had trouble with distinguishing Leonid Brezhnev and a spy who was about to impersonate him. Suddenly one of the officers had a great idea.

They told both of them "Say this sentence: Glory to USSR, our Motherland, the country of the people."

One of them says "Glory to USSR, our Motherland, the country of the people"

The second says "Glory to USSR, our... our... hmmm."

They asked him, why can't he repeat it.

T...

My LGBTQ+ programmer friend told me they were having trouble with some data inputs the other day...

I think it's because they're non-binary

A man is in an emergency room complaining of severe stomach pains and bowel trouble. The physician says that the patient will need a rectal exam.

The doctor positions the patient on the bed on his side and puts on a latex glove.

As he lubes up his glove, he says, "Don't get excited and move too much like last time, Peter"

The patient says, "My name isn't Peter"

The doctor says, "Mine is"

A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion.

So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast. For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture t...

The troubles of foreigners in Canada

A patron in a Montreal restaurant turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded.

"This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked 'C' gave me boiling water."

"But, Monsieur, 'C' stands for chaud – French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."

"Wait a...

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3 students at a high school get into trouble and are put on detention after school.

But instead of just sitting in a classroom they are tasked with helping the school Janitor clean the school basement.

So they set about clearing the basement. They find loads of old junk, which had accumulated over the 80 years the school had been open.

After about an hour of movi...

If you have trouble lasting long in bed, try doggy style,

Because 2 human minutes is 14 dog minutes!

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Some jerk glued every card in my deck together so now its just a block of cardboard.

I'm having trouble dealing with it.

I got in trouble with the Super Soaker Mafia the other day

I had to be put in the Wetness Protection Program

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A man goes to an astrologer and then to a doctor for advice because he has trouble in performing bowel movements. Both of them said the same thing.....

"Uranus is not in the right position".

As an Italian, I am often confused when people have trouble addressing my dwarf father

I mean, it's a little apparent.

a lot of people have trouble with math

5 out of every 4 people

My friend told me he has trouble getting a date for Valentine's day.

I don't understand what's so hard about it. They literally grow in trees.

Thailand was having troubles trading with China.

China refused to accept Thailand's official currency, (the Baht) but the Thais noticed that China had no problem trading in South Korean Won.

So they made a plan to buy 3.2 trillion Won from Korea and use it as an official currency for international trade exchanges.

Unfortunately, it t...

An old Fiat breaks down on a remote road

The driver discovers he has no service and can't call for help. Just as he starts walking, a shiny new BMW stops next to him. "Hey man, having car trouble?" The driver asks. "I'm afraid so." The driver of the Fiat answers. "Tell you what, my car is strong enough, I'll tow you to the nearest garage!"...

I’ve always wondered why my local grocery store has trouble keeping the herbs stocked.

I guess there’s just never enough thyme.

A man and his wife are having trouble conceiving.

They asked a priest who was going to live in Rome to light a candle for them.

A number of years later the priest came back stateside and went to visit the family. The husband was not at home, but the woman was surrounded by children. The priest enquired about the husband, and the wife told hi...

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What do you call a man who has trouble performing sexually?

It doesn’t matter. He’s not coming.

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"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old.

"You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"

"Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, then you sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"

"Ac...

A traffic cop went through the trouble of putting a note on my windshield to let me know I positioned my car correctly.

It said **'parking fine'** so that was nice.

Spending time with grandpa got me in trouble.

Well. Today was a nice day until it wasnt.

I got up early and went out to spend some time with my grandfather. I had the greatest idea ever actually! So anyway I stink at writing details so I will get to the point. I was making sand castles with my grandpa and got kicked out by everyone at t...

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Santa and Mrs. Claus’ relationship is in trouble

Santa and Mrs. Claus’ relationship is in trouble after a misunderstanding while sexting. He tried to say “I’m touching myself” but forgot the s and now she doesn’t know what to believe.

I have trouble with etymology and entomology...

...I can never find the right word and it really bugs me.

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I keep having trouble with reading and spelling…

Went to the doctor about my terrible reading and spelling. They gave me a leaflet about dailysex, thought it might help, but my wife ain’t having it.

Why do pirates have trouble with the alphabet?

They spend years lost at C.

Johnny raises his hand in class and asks, “Teacher do you think someone should get in trouble for something they didn’t do?”

The teacher responds, “Of course, not!”

Johnny: “Oh, good. I didn’t do my homework.”

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Three nuns die and come before St. Peter at the pearly gates.

Peter welcomes them and says that they need to answer a biblical question to be admitted into Heaven. He says to the first nun, “Who was the first man?” The nun replies, “Why that would be Adam”. St Peter pushes a button and ding-ding-ding, the gates open and she goes in. Bong-bong-bong and the gate...

What seem to be the trouble

Doctor: What seems to be the trouble

Patient: Doctor, I keep getting the feeling that

nobody can hear what I say.

Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?

Doctor: You're in good health. You'll live to be eighty

Patient: But, doctor, I am 80 right now

Doctor: Se...

I switched the labels on all my wife’s spices.

I’m not in trouble yet, but the thyme is cumin.

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I’m holding a fundraiser on Friday for people who have trouble reaching orgasm….

If you can’t come, let me know.

Why do podiatrists make great detectives?

Because they can always sense when trouble is afoot.

One time at the pub I told a violent trouble maker to step outside so I could give him a good hiding

He still hasn't found me

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spanish man and a German are watching a juggler

The juggler notices they are having troubles seeing him through the crowd and steps onto a box. He asks “can you see me now?” They reply

Yea
Oui
Si
Ja

I've just witnessed a police car crash into a fire engine in town.

I was going to ring for an ambulance, but that could've been asking for trouble.

A Zen novice called for an electrician.

Upon arrival at the monk's apartment, the electrician asked how he could be of assistance.

"I'm having trouble with this brand-new lamp that I just bought," the novice said. "I've tested the outlet, I've flipped every switch, and I still can't get it to work."

The electrician examined ...

A Fellow Jets Fan

A guy walks into a bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a Jets jersey helmet and is holding Jets pom poms. The bartender says, "Hey! No pets allowed in here! You'll have to leave!"

The man begs, "Look I'm desperate. We're both big fans, my TV is broken, and this is the only...

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Two Irishmen are on a cruise when the ship encounters trouble.

The ship breaks in two and sinks rapidly and the two Irishmen are the only survivors, having secured a small lifeboat. They are adrift at sea with no land in sight. Suddenly they see something floating on the waves. It's a small, ancient lamp, and when they retrieve it and dry it off a genie suddenl...

Did you hear that Spiderman is in trouble with the law?

They caught him on the web looking for Mary-Jane.

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An elderly man living alone in Manchester wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, since the ground was hard.

His only son, Paul, who used to help him, was in prison (strange ways) . The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Paul,

I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be di...

Hear about the vampire who had trouble biting people properly?

He had dysnecksia.

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A young woman decided to get her eyes tested

A young woman decided to get her eyes tested as she'd recently been having trouble reading. So she books an appointment and goes in the following week. After waiting briefly she is ushered into one of the offices and is greeted by a middle aged man.

"How can I help you madame? " he asks her<...

My favorite blonde joke

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.
In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
The brunette tells her sister, '...

I got in trouble because of a commercial

I went to the store because I needed some milk. I got my milk, a pizza, french fries and a candy bar. I went to the self checkout , paid for my milk and started to leave.

A cashier stopped me and told me I hadn't paid for all my stuff.

I calmly pulled out my insurance card and told he...

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My smart ass mouth always gets me in trouble.

I was rear-ended, which caused me to rear-end the car in front of me. The driver, who was a dwarf, approached
aggressively after the accident yelling, "I am NOT happy."

I decided that I would try to lighten things up and answered,
"OK, I can see that, but then which one are you?" ...

How can you tell when seaweed is in trouble?

It yells "kelp!"

A Jewish father was quite troubled by his errant son’s behavior, and went to see the rabbi about it...

“I brought him up as a Jew, spent a small fortune on his education and almost as much on his bar mitzvah. Then he calls me to tell me he has decided to become a Christian! Rabbi, where did I go wrong?”

“Funny you should come to me,” said the rabbi. “Like you, I too brought my son up as a good...

I got in trouble with my wife after she offered me a threesome.

I had asked, 'What are their names'?

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My favourite nun joke

The nuns from the Convent of the Immaculate Conception were on a day trip when their bus went off the road, plunged over a cliff and they were all killed.

It had been a long day at the gates of heaven and Saint Peter had been counting down the minutes to knocking off time and some well-earned...

If you are having trouble unlocking your front door, take out your wallet and arrange all the bills in mathematical order.

Because organizing your finances is key.

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One day I was having trouble starting my car and my neighbor comes over and says “need a jump?”

Then he called over three of his friends and kicked my ass.

Geometry and Spiderman

Peter Parker (aka Spiderman) is taking geometry in high school and, surprisingly, has a lot of trouble with it, especially when it comes to circles.

He asks his girlfriend, Mary Jane, for help figuring out the circumference of a circle. Mary Jane tries explaining it a few different ways, but...

I always have trouble picking a font

Every font I look at, I think, "Nope, this one's not my type."

What did the teacher say when the student peed his pants?

Urine trouble!

An old joke from my childhood that is sadly relevant again.

**Bert and Ernie had worked together as radio hosts for twenty years.**

They traded jokes, played pop music and generally made people's lives a touch brighter as they trundled to work.

In one of the breaks they received a Fax. Ernie picked up the page and was in shock. Ernie silentl...

An 80 year old man married an 18 year old girl

He goes to see his doctor to ask advice on starting a family as he wants an heir, as he had been a playboy all his life and never settled down.

The doctor smiles at his request and says best thing is to get a young lodger. He thanks the doc saying yes she could do with some younger company a...

A man and his wife are having troubles in the bed room.

He can't get the engine started and when he does she doesn't want to drive it home. One day the call and schedule a meeting with a specialist. They spare no expense and get the best guy money can buy. On the day of their appointment the husband and wife each get pulled into meetings right before the...

Did you hear about the chiropractor who got in trouble with the IRS?

It was for back taxes.

My local church had troubles getting their insurance to pay for the lightning damage

The insurance claimed it was deliberate damage by the owner.

Whenever I’m in trouble, I think, 'what would Jesus do?'

Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for three days.

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Writing a book called "The Art of Not Giving a Fuck". Will I get into legal trouble?

The difference is subtle.

Got in trouble with wife last night....

I told her that if she was a celestial body, she would be a supernova.
She said "Because I am so hot?"
I shouldn't have replied "no, because you are expanding at an alarming rate."

Man.. you stomp on just one mouse till it's dead.. And everyone loses their mind and I get in a ton of trouble.

Disneyland sucks.

My uncle Jim is getting older, and he’s having trouble with his memory

So he went to his doctor, and he started taking these pills to help his memory.

“Hey Uncle Jim,” I said, “what are those memory pills you’re taking called?”

“Ahhhh...um....hmmm” he took a second,

“Hmmmm...hold on let me think ermmmm.....it’s....daisy? No that’s not it....it’s ...

Dad I burnt the school down, am I in trouble?

"You arson."

What did the geometry teacher say when the class had trouble solving a problem?

Let’s try a different angle

Did you kill many of the enemy?

This was back in the 1970s. A middle-aged man got upset with his neighbor and spilled a flowerpot full of water out his window onto her. She got very upset and pressed charges against him. So the man had to go and get a lawyer to represent him, and the lawyer asked the judge for leniency, arguing...

I'm having trouble focusing on my work

said the bigfoot photographer.

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A man had some trouble lasting during sex

The doc told a guy that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act. The man decided, ‟What the hell, I’ll try it.”

He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn’t do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He con...

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Bedroom troubles

A woman cannot reach orgasm when she makes love to her husband.

One day she says to him: "Dear, last night I had an incredible dream: we were making love and, standing on a chair, there was a black man waving a fan; it made me enjoy it a lot ".

They decide to make the dream come true. ...

Engine trouble

Fifteen minutes into the flight from New York to Phoenix, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."

Thirty minutes later the captain a...

I hear they’re having trouble keeping track of people in Afghanistan

Now that there’s a tally ban

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first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her more precocious students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what exactly is your problem?”

Harry answered, “I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she! I think I should be in the 3rd grade, too!”
Ms. Brooks finally had enough; she took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the situa...

I had a dream I turned into a young chicken and had trouble changing back to being a human.

Luckily, I was able to pullet off...

I'm in big trouble with my wife. We were in bed and she asked, what I'd like to do most with her body?

Apparently, "Identify it." wasn't the right answer!!

I was having trouble finding the answer on a question about lightning

But then it struck me

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According to my therapist, I have extreme trouble verbalizing my emotions.

Can’t say I’m surprised.

A disturbing but true story about me

When I was born, my mother died and my father abandoned me. So I spent my entire childhood with my aunt and uncle.

When I was in my late teens, I stumbled upon a video that my sister had made of herself. It was then that I realized that she was really, really hot. I watched the video twice, a...

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Dirty Johnny: Greatest Joke of all time by Norm MacDonald

In school there was a fella named Dirty Johnny. He was always a trouble maker the teachers never liked him. One day in class the teacher is doing a thing we’re the kids raise their hands to tell a story and then say what the moral is of that story. So a girl raises her hand

The teacher says ...

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A guy goes to the doctor because he’s been having trouble with his sex life.

The doctor gives him an examination and says: “Look, you’re just out of shape. Run ten miles every day and I guarantee you’ll start to feel better.”

A week later the guy calls his doctor back and says “Gee thanks for the advice doc, I’ve been running ten miles a day and I feel great!”
...

A man with a penguin standing on his head goes to the doctor.

The doctor says, "What seems to be the trouble, sir?"
The penguin replies, "Well doc, it started as a growth on my foot.

The CEO of Coca-Cola calls Vladimir Putin.

“Mr Putin! I noticed you’ve changed the Russian anthem. Do you have any plans to change the colors of your flag as well and return to the previous purely red flag? If you’d put a Coca-Cola logo in the corner, we’d solve all your financial troubles for the next five years.”

Putin puts the CEO ...

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There was once a Japanese man named Fuk

Perhaps due to his unfortunate name, and the trouble it brought, he had a great love of alcohol, particularly the rice wine Sake. Every day he would drink an entire bottle from his special stash that was rumoured to contain hundreds upon hundreds of bottles.

Tragedy struck however, upon finis...

This really happened

A guy bumps into a friend. The friend looks very troubled.

Guy : What on earth is wrong!

Friend : Just been to see the doctor, he says I've got ' The Big C '

Guy : Cancer ?

Friend : No, no - Dyslexia

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A married couple are having financial troubles.

A Married couple are having hard financial times, so they decide that she'll try being a prostitute.

She's not quite sure what to do... so the husband says,

"Stand in front of that Bar and pick up a guy. Tell him you charge a hundred dollars. If you have any questions or issues I'll b...

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I got in trouble for something I did while my girlfriend was dreaming

Apparently it’s not ok for me to have sex with her friend , even if she’s sleeping

A manufacturing plant was in trouble, and nobody knew why.

A manufacturing plant was in trouble, and nobody knew why. They finally brought in an expert to fix the problem.

The guy basically walks in, inspects the equipment, takes out a chalk piece, marks one unit with an X mark and leaves.

The plant’s owner replaces the unit and viola! everyth...

Which legendary soul singer had trouble peeing?

Urethra Franklin

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A husband leans over and asks his wife,,,

"Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it ...

Why do atheists have trouble with exponents in math?

They don’t believe in a higher power....

In honor of my 1st cake day, I present to you, my Dad's favorite joke

It's a really hot day and this penguin is having car trouble, so he takes it into a garage. The penguin asks, "How long will it be?" The mechanic says, "Just a few minutes." So the penguin decides to go get an ice cream at the grocery store across the street. When the penguin gets there he climbs in...

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A husband and wife are having money trouble and decide the wife needs to work the streets as a hooker.

Two days later she comes back with $225.25. The husband says "that's good, but what cheap bastard gave you 25 cents?" The wife responds "all of them"

Why do people who live on dead end roads have trouble charging their phones?

Because there’s no outlet

How do you call a fish that has trouble walking?

Limpin Karp

I'm in trouble with my girlfriend.

According to her diary, I have "boundary issues".

If an Indian programmer has no bread and his computations don't even give #NAN

that's double trouble.

A man is travelling through the desert...

when he runs out of water. He is worried since the next town is not for 10 miles, so he is beginning to worry. Just then, however, he sees a man on a camel in the distance. When he gets nearer to the man, he sees that he is carrying bags full of neckties.
r>"Please, sir, can you spare any wate...

A couple are starting to develop forgetfulness

An 80-year old couple were having trouble remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor’s office, they explained to the doctor the problems they were having.

After checking the couple out, the doctor told th...

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Financial Trouble

A husband and wife have fallen on hard times and are at the end of their rope. After much debate and discussion, it is decided that the wife will go out and give blowjobs. The wife leaves for a few hours and then returns home.

Husband- “How’d it go?”

Wife - “Great. I made $300.25.”<...

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A doctor requests a semen sample from an old patient.

He gives him a jar and a porno magazine but the patient is having trouble producing the sample. The doctor says he can go home with the jar and return it the next day filled with the sample.

The next day the old man returns and the jar is is empty

Doctor: "what happened? Still having...

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A father is called into the principle's office because his son is in big trouble.

The father sits down next to his son with the principle across at his desk.

"We caught your son selling pot for 15 dollars a joint out back. He's permanently expelled. You're lucky we didn't call the cops."

The father looks at his son with horror and disgust. He gets up quickly and dra...

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For my cake day I’ve decided to share my favourite cake recipe

I used to have trouble remembering how I did it, so this time I wrote it down while making it.

You’ll need 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1...bottle Vodka,2 cups dried fruit.

Sample a cup of Vodka to che...

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I got in trouble for telling this joke in 5th grade on share a joke day.

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess with three handsome suitors.

Each suitor tried their best to charm the princess, but the princess could not choose which handsome suitor to marry.

The princess did love ping pong though, and so she decided to test the suitors' love.
...

My roommate got in trouble with the police because he had two crows in our apartment as pets.

The cops arrested him for attempted murder.

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Error

Young Judy, the editor of a trivia publication, was having trouble with her computer. So she called Prem, the computer guy, over to her desk. Prem clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, Judy called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

And he replied, "...

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A man having trouble defecating went to see a doctor

Man : I can't do it without hurting myself.

Doctor : Well, I've got the perfect cure for you. But it must be inserted into your anus.

So the doctor did it.

Doctor : How do you feel?

Man : I feel great thanks.

Doctor : Ok, you have to do it again tonight before you ...

There was trouble at the 'World Speed Juggling Championship' last night

Things got out of hand pretty quickly

Last two years I spent time impersonating a Federal Agent. Nobody gave me trouble when they saw me, including the police.

Then I turned 8 and decided I wanted to be an astronaut instead.

A friend was having trouble with her oldschool mechanical typewriter.

She said 'It's great to have such a retro device, however it doesn't work properly'.

I asked 'What is wrong with it?'

She replied 'Well some of the keys get stuck and I have to move them back manually'

'Ah I think I have a solution'

'Please tell me'

'Well what you ...

In college, I had trouble making friends till I came up with a foolproof plan.

I told all the girls “I love you”, and they usually said, “Let’s just be friends”.

Went to the doctors the other day and said ‘ I’m having loads of trouble hearing people when they speak’

Doctor said ‘ right ok. Can you describe the symptoms?’
I said ‘yeah Marge has blue hair and homer is a fat bloke’

I need to stop eating my troubles away ,

said the hamster mother of six, five, four...

What’s the difference between a computer and an American?

An American doesn’t have trouble-shooting.

Barrier To Entry

The fencing community is having trouble with gatekeepers.

My wife Lana and I are having trouble conceiving

because when I turn her around, all I get is anal

A couple walk into a bar. Mr Trouble, and his wife,

Misdemeanour

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