What did Charizard say when he saw Pikachu

Charizard

Walking through Chinatown, a backpacker saw a Chinese laundry with the sign: "Sigurd Kristiansen's Laundry"

'Sigurd Kristiansen? How the hell does that name fit in here?' he wondered.
So he decided to check it out. He entered to see an elderly Chinese man behind the counter.
'How did this Chinese laundry get a name like "Sigurd Kristiansen's Laundry"?' the backpacker asked.
The elderly Chinese re...

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A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him, so he walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing...

She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole and you’re a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.”

He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached the lady, again with the same request.

She said, “I’m on the 14th, you are a hole...

I walked in a pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on the table

I said:nice legs
And she said:You really think so?
I said: Yes, other tables would have collapsed by now

What did master yoda say when he saw himself on a 4k tv?

HDMI

I saw an advert in the paper “Yacht for sale”.

As if people dont know what a yacht is for.

I saw a girl crying, so I asked her “Where are your parents?” and she started crying even more.

Man, I love working at the orphanage.

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Went for a walk with my new girlfriend and we saw dogs..

*Went for a walk with my new girlfriend and we saw dogs mating, she said ‘how does the male know when the female is ready for sex ?*
*I replied he can smell she is ready that is how nature works.*
*We then walked past a sheep field and the ram was mating the ewe, again my girlfreind asked ...

The madam opened the brothel door in Elko County, Nevada, and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.

“May I help you, sir?" she asked.

"I want to see Valerie," the man replied.

"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam.

"No, I must see Valerie," he replied.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the ma...

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A prostitute standing outside a motel in a small town saw a 70+ year old man walking past.

She hasn't had a customer for a while so she whistles at him and says, "Hey, would you like to have some fun time with me?"

The old man said, "But I won't be able to..."

Prostitute: "C'mon man.... give it a try... "

Old man says okay. They go in. The old man whips out his dick a...

As I was driving past a prison yesterday, I saw a dwarf scaling down the wall. Confused , I stared up at him and he sneered back.

And I thought to myself, "well that's a little condescending."

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Flash was running and saw Wonder Woman lying naked in the beach (NSFW)

He thought this would be the best chance,he could go in, do his business and leave even before anyone notices. So he goes in, finishes his business and runs away!

Sensiting this commotion, Wonder Woman asks "What the fuck just happened? " and Invisible Man replies "I don't know, but my asshol...

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A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, “What is this, Father?”

The father, never having seen an elevator, responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the movin...

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I saw two men

Wearing the same clothing and walking together so I asked both of them if they were gay.
They did not hesitate arresting me.

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The weirdest thing I saw as a coroner was a murder victim who had a second butt up his butt.

It turned out he was the victim of an assassin.

St. Peter was looking down at Earth one Sunday and saw a Baptist minister playing golf

After a bit of investigating, he found the man had asked his lay clergy to conduct that day's service so he could take advantage of good weather. Incensed, St. Peter goes to God to complain.

"Lord, can you believe this? A man who preaches your Word, neglecting his sacred duty so he can golf....

The first time I saw my girlfriend tending her beehive...

I knew she was a keeper.

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A construction worker on the fifth floor of a building realizes he needs a saw

He looks around him, none. He looks 5 floors down, sees a man looking up at him. He's screaming but the guy can't hear him cause of all the noise around. So he decides to use sign language.

He points to his eye meaning 'I', then he points to his knee, meaning 'need', then he makes a saw moti...

I saw a graffiti artist spraying a police station in a thick font.

Now that is bold.

I saw an escalator for the first time today

Just stopped and staired.

A man walked outside and saw an Elephant in his backyard

A man walked outside and saw an Elephant in his backyard eating cabbages of his garden. The man, who had never seen anything like it before, ran to his neighbours house and said ‘Neighbour Neighbour a huge, weird creature is in my garden. Come look! He’s picking up cabbages with his tail and you won...

I saw a cow spontaneously catch on fire the other day

Guess you could call it a rare experience

Just saw a guy punch a cow in the face

How dairy

Yesterday, I saw my apartment neighbor trying to kick in his own door

I knew he was a criminal, and had served some time for theft and B&E but I wasn't aware that he was crazy.

So I cautiously asked him what he was doing.

He replied, "Working from home."

I saw my boss pull up in a brand new corvette

I said "wow that's a really nice car, boss!" He told me "thanks, and just remember you keep working hard every day and I'll be able to buy a second one!"

Judge: How could you kill 24 people? What the hell was wrong with you?

Driver:I was driving at 50mph when I saw two men crossing the road. On the roadside, there was a restaurant with outside seating. I wanted to apply the brakes, but I realised they were not working. So I had to take a decision: Either hit the 2 men or run into the restaurant.

Judge: Hit the 2 ...

A man saw a dog named frost.

It wagged its tail as people walked by. The man went to pet it but this dog lashed out and injured his hand.

"I didn't know frost bites."

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I feel sorry for the magician i saw the other day...

He hypnotized 7 guys and then dropped the microphone on his foot and screamed “FUCK ME”

I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV: “Don’t go in there! Don’t go in the church, you moron."

She was watching our wedding video again.

I saw a great movie about databases today.

I can't wait for the SQL

I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.

I knelt down to help him pick his letters up.

Then I asked, "What's the word on the street?"

##

I saw a sign that read 'Give Blood' and thought

'Yeah, that'll freak the kids out on Christmas morning'.

I saw 2 kids beating up a kid in an alleyway, so I stepped in to help.

He didn’t stand a chance against 3 of us.

When I walked past the charthouse on the upper deck, I saw Larry furiously scribbling on a map!

I just know that guy's plotting something.

Jack, a renown atheist, dies and to his utter surprise ends up in hell where he's greeted by Satan himself. Completely shocked he talks to the devil and says: "Welp, I've been wrong all my life and I guess I'm now to pay the price for my lack of faith". Satan laughs and replies: Awh it's not so bad.

He then proceeds to escort Jack through a beautiful lush green plain with flowers, scattered here and there there's a bunch of houses where other "damned" live. As they pass through each house the inhabitants recognize Satan and invite them inside for a drink and a chat, a request that's always gran...

I saw a sign today that made me pee myself.

It said, "TOILETS CLOSED."

Saw a sign at a farm that said, "duck, eggs."

I was contemplating the use of the comma when it hit me.

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What did Gordon Ramsay say when he saw the Egyptian Sun God?

It's Fucking Ra!

I saw a raffle at a graveyard...

i knew something was wrong there, it was a dead giveaway...

I think my TV may be possessed. Today I saw the Three Stooges and Ronald Reagan on it.

Its channeling dead people.

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I just saw a truck with one of those metallic pairs of testicles dangling from the back, and I started thinking “OK I see its balls, but where’s its dick?”

“Oh yeah,” I thought, “in the driver’s seat.”

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family who saw mirror for the first time

a guy from a family which had no concept of a mirror one day found a mirror he looked into it and saw a good looking friendly man looking back at him, he took the mirror home and talked to his reflection all day everyday for a couple days his wife and mother got alarmed and one day decided to check...

What did the people of Pompeii say when they saw ash spewing from Mount Vesuvius?

Don’t worry, we have Pliny of time!

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One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass.

Disturbed,he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.

He asked one man,‟Why are you eating grass?”

‟We do not have any money for food,” the poor man replied. ‟We have to eat grass.”

‟Well,then,you cn come with me to my house and I‘ll feed you,” the lawyer said.
...

A Christian guy named Bill saw an ad online for a Christian horse...

A Christian guy named Bill saw an ad online for a Christian horse, so he went to check it out. The horse’s owner said, “It’s easy to ride him. Just say ‘Praise the Lord!’ to make him go and ‘Amen!’ to make him stop.” Bill got on the horse and said, “Praise the Lord!” Sure enough, the horse started t...

I was on the street, and saw someone making a black panther joke

Wakanda person does he think he is?

I saw my old friend enter the bar

I saw my old friend enter the bar after 2 long years. Ever since he got married he hasnt shown his face around here so i was quite surprised to see him again. I asked him whats the occasion and he responded:

“So my wife actually banned me from going here, she says that she doesnt like my frie...

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The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"

Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"

If I had a dollar for every time I saw an AudiBook ad....

I'd have enough money to buy the company and erase it

I saw a golf buggy parked in a disabled bay earlier...

I couldn't help but wonder, what his handicap was.

When I saw my ex-wife yesterday with her new boyfriend, I couldn’t believe just how much he looked like me when we were still together.

Fcuking miserable.

I've worked with that dude for six weeks, but saw him with his mask off and thought he was a stranger!

It was a simple case of mask-staken identity.

When I was a kid, I saw Finding Nemo on Ice.

That was my first time doing meth.

I saw anti-maskers in Wallmart recently and I laughed at them

But I remembered my parents told me not to make fun of mentally disabled people

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Saw my dwarf neighbor this morning standing at the bus stop.. So I stopped and said "jump in I will give you a lift". "Fuck off!!" he screamed at me. I thought to myself "what an ungrateful person "

So I zipped up my backpack and kept on walking.

I just saw some idiot at the gym.

He put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

I saw a dolphin kissing a raven.

Didn't expect to see that as the highlight of the NFL game.

So I saw a picture of a little girl holding a lion cub (female)

I decided to show my 9yo son the picture and told him that when that creature grew up she would become one of the most feared and deadly creatures on the planet.

He looked at me with a shocked look in his eyes "really dad she will be that dangerous," he said.

"Yep," I said, "and right ...

Saw a homeless man eating grass in the park

I asked him "Why are you eating grass?"

He said "I am very hungry"

I replied "Oh, okay then. Come with me."

You should've seen his face when I showed him my backyard.

i saw some joke about gold

it was Ausome

I saw a guy in a wheelchair wearing a camo outfit

I thought, man you can hide but you can't run.

I saw a guy with a prosthetic leg today.

I guess you can say he had a big iron on his hip...

I saw something was both cringy and educational...

It should be on TedTok

I couldn’t believe it when I looked out my window and saw my seeing-impaired neighbour cutting his lawn.

It was blind-mowing!

Joe, you're not going to believe what I just saw.

A fitness junkie buys a new bike and takes it for a long ride on a stretch of road going over many hills. On his way home he finds he is to exhausted to continue, and rests on the side of the road. After an hour a Lamborghini Veneno pulls up and the young man driving offers him a ride. After realizi...

I saw a 5 legged woman crying and I asked her why

She said she could never get shoes to match. I tried to console her so I said “at least your knickers fit like a glove”

I saw an anti-vaxxers 4 year old son throwing a tantrum at the grocery store yesterday.

Everything was OK, he was just having a mid-life crisis.

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Today I saw a guy with bicycle, I thought that was mine

But mine was chained up in basement asking for food

"Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!"

He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"

He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me, too...

Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning, or possibly just a very hairy guy....

Either way, the silver bullets work.

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I told my boyfriend we could watch a porn for his birthday and do everything that we saw in the video...

He was super psyched, until I fucked the pizza guy.

Saw a nun walking a German shepherd outside my church

I told my brother about it, and he said: "That's strange, I'd think the lord would be her shepherd."

I just saw a sketchy guy buying a bunch of smoke machines, so I called the cops.

He must be a part of some extreme mist group.

Just saw a heap of black birds stuck together.

They were velcrows

A man was driving along a rural road one day when he saw a three legged chicken running down the road.

He was amused enough to drive along side it for a while, as he was driving he noticed the chicken was running 30 mph.

Pretty fast chicken, he thought, I wonder just how fast it can run. So he sped up and the chicken did too! They were now moving along the road at 45 mph!

The man in the...

Saw my wife taking off her make up last night...

Or, as I call it, "Reset to factory settings "

I saw a man going up a hill with a trolley full of horseshoes, four leaf clovers and rabbit's feet...

I thought, “Well he's pushing his luck!”

I saw a woman walking towards the door, so, to be nice, I opened it for her.

Instead of thanking me, she, and everyone else on the plane, started screaming.

An electrical fault at the zoo saw the entire tortoise population electrocuted.

It was a turtle disaster.

I saw a murder on my way home today.

I don’t know what was happening but all of a sudden there were hundreds of crows.

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Saw this joke on YouTube and originally disliked it, but I eventually came around to it. (I'll change it up a bit, though.)

There's this single dad with three kids. One day, the circus comes to town. The guy says, "Come on, kids. Let's go to the circus."

So they get there, and they sit in the front row. The elephants come out, the jugglers come out, and the clowns come out. One clown says in a funny voice, "Uh, ca...

I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together.

Riveting.

I saw a young girl busking today with a great voice.

"Any requests?" she asked the watching crowd.

"Your thong," I replied with a wink.

Everyone gasped in horror, and the girl slapped me.

It's tough being an Elton John fan with a lisp!

I saw a robbery at an apple store today.

They interviewed me because I was an iWitness.

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I think the US government developed a pregnancy fetish when they saw my paycheck

They really do fuck me hard when I've been in labor more than 40 hours in a week.

Today I saw perfect example of playing safe .

US Media posting the count of Trump's lies after he lost the elections.

I dreamed I saw a color I never saw before

It was just a pigment of my imagination.

As I saw Tom Cruise firing bullets at an innocent crowd, I immediately made a wish.

It was after all a Shooting Star!

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It’s flu season and I just saw 3 homeless people caring for each other.

They were giving each other flu shots under the overpass. What a caring community we live in God Bless.

A saw an old man in the park shouting "Come here, Tony Montana! Come here!"...

When a dog came running I had to go up and ask him if he really named his dog Tony Montana?

- Yes, I named him that since all he does is quote the movie Scarface.

I got a confused look on my face and asked if he was serious?

- Hey, I'll prove it to you!

He turned to his...

I saw a giant mouse so I tried killing it with a baseball bat

So now I have a lifetime ban from Disneyland

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I saw my girlfriend with another guy at the mall, I was about to confront them and kick the guys' ass.

But it wouldn't be a good example to set in front of my wife and kids.

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I was standin next to this bloke in the changing room at my local gym yesterday when a mobile phone rings.

He was getting dry so he puts it on loudspeaker. I thought straightaway wot a smug bastard!

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the gym?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the Metro Centre now and found this beautiful leather coat.

It' s only £1,000. Is it OK ...

Two police officers saw this old woman staggering down the street

stopping her they can tell she has had far too much to drink and instead of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home. They loaded her into the police cruiser one of the officers gets in the back with the drunk woman. As they drove through the streets they kept asking the woman where she...

I saw a Slav who had a fitting username

I told them their username czechs out

I saw a little kid crying. He told me he lost the $200 he had saved for his mom's birthday gift. So I opened my wallet and gave him $40

Why not? Just five minutes earlier, I found ten $20 bills!

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An old man was sitting on his farm porch one evening and saw a kid walk by holding a roll of duct tape.

Man: “where you going with that duct tape?”

Kid: “Duck hunting”

Man: “you don’t catch ducks with duct tape!”

Kid ignores him and and hour later comes past with a few ducks.
The next day he’s walking by with chicken wire.

Man: “ where you going with that chicken wire?...

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I saw a pornstar in public and told her that she was beautiful. She replied that I had a nice tattoo.

It was tit-for-tat.

Saw a hooker on the street who said she'd do anything for $50

Guess who got the front porch repainted, bathroom retiled and a new deck.

I thought I saw some pie and a gold medal. I was half correct.

Turns out it was a piece of cake.

The best graffiti I ever saw said “Go home Dad, you’re drunk again”

It was written right below the words “I f*cked yer mother”

I was looking for a gym one day, and I saw a sign saying "Fitness that way"

So, since this seemed promising, I went down the hall, and there were more signs. I went up the stairs, walked through the hall, went up two stairs, walked through two more halls, walked down three stairs, walked out of the building, walked around the building, went into the building, went up ten s...

I saw a guy at the beach yelling, “Help! Shark, help!”

I just laughed because I knew the shark wasn’t going to help him.

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I just saw my wife walk by with her sexiest underwear on, and that can only mean one thing.

Today is laundry day.

A cop saw a car weaving all ov

A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over. He walked up to the car and saw a nice-looking woman behind the wheel. There was a strong smell liquor on her breath.
He said, "I'm going to give you a breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol."
She b...

I saw a sign in a shop window that said "Watch batteries fitted, £2.50."

I thought “Why would anyone pay to see that?”

With the second lockdown looming, I saw a man purchase 3 crates of San Miguel, 2 bottles of tequila, 6 bags of paella and a sombrero.

I think hispanic buying.

I saw the CEO of Google driving a brand new car

The rims were all chromed out

I saw an electrician accidentally electrocuting himself today; you might say he was...

killed.

I was asked if I saw the presidential debate.

I told them "No. I was too busy watching the circus."

So a politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

‟So, you’re a politician...”
‟Well, yes, is that a problem?”
‟Oh no, no problem. But we have recently adopted a new system for people in your line of wo...

What did the Roman physicist say when he saw Jesus hanging from the cross, just a few feet off the ground?

I don't see much potential

Saw a man at the supermarket today who was saying the most nasty things while walking up and down the aisle, picking different kinds of breakfast-food off the shelves, shouting at the boxes and putting them back again. I asked the manager what his problem was.

Turns out the guy's a cereal offender.

Three men were about to be executed by the firing squad.

The first man was brought forward and before they could shoot him he yelled "avalanche"! The firing squad panicked and in the confusion, the man jumped over the wall and into freedom before the firing squad could regroup.

The second man thought what the first man did was clever and when he wa...

Something I saw posted on reddit the other day just happened to me IRL...

It was a meme come true!

A little girl says to her mother, “Mummy, when you were away at work a strange lady came around” “Not now,” says Mummy. “Wait until Daddy gets home.”

So they wait until Daddy gets home, and then Mummy says “Now dear, what were you saying about Daddy and the strange lady?”

And Daddy starts to say something but Mummy says, “You keep quiet – I’ll be talking to my attorney in the morning. Carry on, dear.”

The little girl says, “Daddy to...

2 police officers where patrolling when they saw a man saying some nasty things to the sky...

and approached him:

\-Hello sir, what are you doing here? Did you take any drugs?

\-No, I swear to God

I walked into the lawn and saw my father digging a deep hole

There was still water at the base of the hole.

“What the hell is that dad?”

“Well, son”

“Yes dad?”

Took my socks off earlier and saw a battalion of soldiers taking cover between my toes

Trench foot again.

A time traveler went back in time and saw a CIA agent

Time traveler: What year is it?

CIA Agent: 1963

Time traveler: Before or after JFK wa...

CIA Agent: Before

I was at the dollar store and saw balloons labeled $1 a piece. I grabbed 3 and went to the cashier who told me the total was $5.28.

I guess that’s the price of inflation

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In Among Us, don't worry if you end up killing an innocent simply because you saw them turn and double back suspiciously.

Cressida Dick did that, and now she's in charge of the Metropolitan Police!

Trump ends up in hell...

Trump dies from the virus. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as...

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Two young boys walked into a drug store, picked out a box of tampons, and proceeded to the checkout counter

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight" the boy replied.
The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"
The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him... He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use the...

So I saw a nun walking...

...down the road and so I stopped and asked her about her story she said that she had just left the convent permanently and so I asked her why she still had the robes on and She said "Well it is hard to break the habit"

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There was a fly buzzing about one foot above the river. A trout saw the fly and thought, ‘If that fly comes down six inches, I can jump out of the water and catch it’.

What the trout didn’t see was a bear hiding behind the bush who also saw the fly and realised what the trout was up to and thought, ‘If I wait until the fly drops six inches, the trout will jump and I’ll catch the trout’.

There was a hunter watching the bear watching the trout watching the f...

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If 2020 is perfect vision, how come no one saw this shit coming?

You need to wait until 2021. Hindsight is 2020.

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I immediately ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!"

"Why shouldn't I?" he said.

I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"

"Like what?"

"Well ... are you religious or atheist?"

"Religious."

"Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?"

"Christian."

"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"

"Protestan...

Just saw a guy wearing T-Shirt that reads "Truth + God = Life"

Thank god I'm good at math, Truth = Life - God

I saw fresh prints in the snow

Wonder what he was doing so far from Bel Air.

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Did you hear about the guy who never forgot a single ball sack he saw?

He had scrotal recall.

I saw a Pirate walking down the street,

Being that it's halloween, I normally wouldn't think twice about it, however there was a distinct difference between this pirate and any other I had seen before. He had a large steering wheel attached to his belt buckle. I must say that I was intrigued so I approached this pirate and politely asked ...

Saw this young child crying at work today so I tried to make him feel better and asked where his parents were.

I also lost my job at the orphanage later that day...

Saw a truck filled with donkeys going pretty fast

It was really hauling ass

I hacked my savegames from the first generation of Pokemon to teach my Starter-Pokemon fight. 15 years later I saw what I had created...

A Tenage-Mutant-Ninja-Squirtle

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The first time I saw foot porn, I didn’t like it

So after a while I decided to give it another try, and it wasn’t half bad. I guess I got off on the wrong foot

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So i saw some people translating jokes so here is a Turkish one. One day a Japanese man walks into a bar in Turkey...

One day a Japanese man walks into a bar in Turkey and challenges everyone in the bar for a fight.

\-Are there anyone who believes he can defeat me ?

Temel gets up and walks to the door saying:

\-I can do it. Let's see what you are made of.

A few minutes later Temel walks ...

I saw a car with a bumper stocker saying:

"I"m a vet, therefore I can drive like an animal."

Suddenly I realised how many gynaecologists there are on the roads.

I ran into the pub and shouted to my mate. “Dave! I’ve just saw your car being stolen."

He said “Didn’t you try to stop them?”

I said, “No, but don’t worry. I got the registration.”

My parents allways warned me to never ho through the cellar door and one day when i was fifteen i pushed it open and saw some incredible things i never saw before...

Like trees, and birds, green grass and the sun, my god it was beautiful.

A woman accidentally locked her keys in her car and was pacing frantically on the side of the street, when a soldier from Boston passing by saw this and assured her that he could help. She looked on in amazement as he removed his trousers, rolled them into a tight ball...

...and rubbed them against the car door.

Magically, it opened!!

"That's incredible!!" the woman gasped. "How did you do it?"

"Easy..." replied the soldier. "These are my khakis."

When I came home from work I saw my girlfriend on my bed asking me to make her wet.

I don't know how she got so mad when I poured water all over her.

So was at a bar last night and saw this fat chick wearing a shirt that said, "Caution, I'm a maneater". I walked up to the girl and timidly said, "Excuse me, Miss...about your shirt."

She interrupted me before I could continue and furiously shouted, "Oh let me guess, you're here to make a comment about how I'm so fat and how I actually eat men. I can't help my weight you know. I have feelings too and your comments can really hurt."

I looked at her, confused and said,"That'...

Saw a billboard today, urging me to DONATE

Who is Nate?

I saw a guy with asthma doing a Gandalf Cosplay

He was a wheezard

At the Olympics I saw a man carrying a long sick and I asked, "Are you a pole vaulter?"

He said "No. I am German but how did you know my name was Walter?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I bet Scarface was pissed when he saw Lion King and realized he could have just gone by Scar.

People can tell it’s on his face.

My grandma had dementia in her later years and would tell me this joke every time I saw her: When your appendix is removed it’s called an appendectomy. When your uterus is removed it’s called a hysterectomy. What’s it called when you have a growth removed from your head?

A haircut. (And she’d laugh every time! I miss her terribly.)

I just saw a dude chug from a beaker labeled ‘Fe’

That’s metal.

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