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Snack Jokes

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What's the difference between a cinema snack and two police officers having sex in the back of a car while being filmed?

One is popcorn.

What’s a cannibals favourite snack?

A bag of mixed nuts

why are 8,9 and 10 always eating snacks and soft drinks?

Because they are in the 7/11

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Quasi NSFW

A boy comes home from school at 7PM. His dad is PISSED.

"Where have you been?"

The son replies "I was at Megan's house. We were studying for tomorrow's algebra test."

He grabs a snack off the table and says "Wow, dad, these crab cakes are delicious!"

Dad says, "Go wash ...

What is Lightning McQueen's favourite chocolate snack?

CACAO!

What is a foot fetishist’s favorite snack?

Free toes

which snack food ruined the silent film industry?

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Takis!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had this girl call me a snack, you know, in a sexy way

Little did she know how close she was to reality. I mean, I'm unhealthy, consumed quickly and people look for me when they're sad, lonely or bored.

What is a fish's favorite snack?

Chip's a'koi

My go-to pickup move when I'd just walk next to a girl in the bar and whisper in her ear "If I get excited,I can touch the bottom of the Pringles can" and see how their eyes light up excitement

I love these new snack size ones.

Everyone knows Alan Turing, who cracked Enigma codes.

But nobody knows his sister Kate, who provided drinks, snacks and sandwiches for him and his colleagues during that time.

What is Elons Musk favorite snack?

Mars bars.

Two elderly couples get together to play bridge every week.

The ladies are in the kitchen making snacks and the old guys are talking. One says to the other "we went to see a movie last week and it was excellent but I can't remember the name of it. I thinks it's uhhh... what's the name of the flower with the red petals and the thorns?" His friend answers "a r...

Being called a "snack" or a "tall drink of water" is all fun and games

Until your partner leaves you outside the movie theater because no "outside food or drink is allowed".

What is a skeletons favorite snack?

Ribs.

My son wanted me to post this one too!

Happy Halloween!

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This is a story about a newlywed couple who had only been married for two weeks.

The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.

So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."

"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife.

"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a b...

An elephant and an ape go to a party together. They want to bring some snacks: crackers and dips. Which of them buys the crackers?

The elephant.

Because the ape always buys the dip.

What's Han Solo's favorite snack?

Hoth pocket, Lukewarm.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A shark and his son go looking for a snack...

The father says, "I'm going to teach you how to catch a human. First you raise your fin out of the water and start circling, then you go in and eat them."

"Why circle them?" asks the son.

The father replies, "They taste better without shit in them."

What’s a fighting game player’s favorite snack?

Combos

Grandma's peanuts (prob a re-post, still funny though)

Danny is out with his friends and stops by his grandmother's house
for a visit.
There's a bowl of peanuts on the coffee table.
So Danny and his friends start snacking on them.
When they're ready to leave, his friends say, "Nice to meet you, ma'am,
And thank you for the p...

What snack do casinos give to their patrons?

Chips Ahoy!

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The tale of the fly and the lake

Once upon a time, at a small lake in the forest, a little fly was hovering over the calm waters, close to the water's edge.

Unbeknownst to it, a carp spotted the little insect from under the water's surface, and thought to itself:

*"If you fly just a little lower, buddy, I can just jum...

Met my first Mandalorian today

He was a Wisconsin dairy farmer, took me on a tour of a Mando dairy. First, he showed me the snack curd-making facility, then pointed and said,

“This is the whey.”

"Scary Snack" - A joke told like a horror story

After just arriving to his new home, little 7 year old Johnny was so excited. He just couldn't wait to run inside, find his new room and start unpacking all of his toys.

The afternoon passes, dinner is eaten, and the majority of essentials are where they are needing to be. His parents help hi...

After a long day of duck hunting I was famished... so I decided to sit down, put my feet up, and have my favorite snack...

Cheese and quackers.

A husband walks into his wife and her friends sitting on the couch eating snacks

"bunch of fat cows" muttered the husband

"what was that" shouted his wife

"you herd" replied the husband

What Mexican snack do you eat at night?

Quesanoches.

What snack will you always find at a KKK rally?

Salty Crackers.

A pair of hot twin sisters, one blonde, the other brunette get invited to a Halloween party.

A pair of hot twin sisters, one blonde, the other brunette get invited to a Halloween party. The theme is "snacks" so they decide to go as a pair of popular candy bars.
The party is a real blast and the brunette is having tons of fun, but the blonde is just kind of off to herself with no one giv...

I asked my Pillow if it wanted a snack

It said “No, thanks I’m stuffed”

I got a job as a regional distributor for Hostess snack cakes...

I got Ho-Hos in different area codes.

What is the Super Mario's favourite snack?

Banana-nana-nana

If we are not meant to have midnight snacks......

Why does the fridge have a light ?

A man is sitting alone at a bar when he hears a quiet whisper right next to him.

Seemingly out of nowhere, he hears, quietly but clearly, "Wow, you've got really great hair!" Confused, the man looks around for a moment and sees nobody else around him and concludes that he must be hearing things.

After sitting drinking his beer and snacking on some nuts at the bar for a wh...

My dad refused to tell me what his favorite snack was

When ever I asked he said it was pop secret

How big do computers like their snacks?

Byte sized

Back in college, I could barely pay my bills, even having to choose between laundry detergent and a small breakfast snack.

Sometimes it was All or muffin.

What does the President call his favorite snacks?

Executive hors d’oeuvres

What's it called when you share your fruit snacks?

Welch Redistribution.

I like both sweet snacks and salty snacks

I’m bisnacksual

What do you call a snack cookie you could’ve sworn was there, but really wasn’t?

A Figment Newton of your imagination.

At work today I brought my team new markers, crafting paper, decks of cards, and snacks

They didn’t know I was coming, so I jumped out and yelled SUPPLIES!!

(We work in Children’s mental health and everyone got a kick out of it)

What is a Scottish snack that is gloated about?

Braggis

What's a straw man's favorite snack?

A red herring

From my kids: What do you call a pre meal snack for dogs?

Appawtizer

Courtesy of my seven year old:. What kind of trees can you find snacks in?

Pantries.

What is Amber Heards favourite snack

A Saltine

Bullets are like snacks

Always keep one for yourself and share with others

What's a Skelton favourite snack?

#**RRRRRIIIIBBBSSSSS**

What's the best snack for a voyage across the seas?

Ships and Sailsa

I developed a new crunchy snack made out of duck bills.

I call them Quackers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s a promiscuous Latina’s favorite snack?

Papi cock

a guy goes to a party...

He has fun and goes to the photo booth, and there's no photo line.

Then he goes to the bathroom, and there's no bathroom line

Then he goes to get snacks and there's no snack line

Then he goes to get punch and there's no punch line

China have announced their new rage of meat free snacks.

"Not Poodle"

Midnight Snack

An old man went downstairs one night to find his wife grabbing a midnight snack from the fridge.

Well one thing led to another and the couple started getting frisky. They closed the door to the fridge which left them in complete darkness.

The old man tells his wife to get on the tabl...

What's a Jehovah's Witness's favorite snack food?

Ding Dongs

A husband was sitting on the sofa one afternoon when his wife came up behind him and whacked him on the head.

The husband asked ‘What the hell was that for?’

The wife replied ‘That’s for the slip of paper in your pocket with the name Laura Lou on it!’

‘Don’t worry’, said the husband, that’s just the name of a racehorse I put a bet on a few days ago’.
Satisfied, the wife apologised to her hu...

A tourist climbed out of his rental car in downtown Washington, D.C. He was intent on visiting the White House and take in the city’s other world-famous sights, but he felt hungry so he decided to pop into a store to buy himself a snack.

As he pulled up to the curb outside the store, he saw a well-to-do man standing on the sidewalk.
He said to him: “Listen, I’m going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I run into this store?”

“What?” the man huffed. “Do you realize that I am a member of the United ...

What is the most popular snack in Prague?

Czech’s Mix

What do lawyers eat for a snack?

Trial mix

Did you hear about the guy destroying snacks at the grocery store?

He's on the registered Chex offender list now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Popcorn is the gayest snack...

Because you're eating busted nuts.

To cut costs even more certain airlines will now only serve snacks to passengers on the left side of the plane.

Their justification is the passengers sitting on the right side are already F-E-D.

What does batman like to snack on?

Just-ice

I have decided I wanted to be healthier so one of my new years resolutions is instead of snacking on processed and sugary foods I am just going to eat nuts instead.

The other is to come out to my parents.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Indian and two Pakistanis sat on a Plane.

An Indian got a seat between two Pakistanis on a plane. Relaxing, he took his shoes off.

Soon enough, he got hungry.

"Hey, I'm going to get myself a snack. You guys want anything?" He asked the Pakistanis.

The man to his right said he would like a Coke.

"Of course." s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bartender seriously declared that, if he met someone with five heads, they would get every drink or snack for free.

One day, a male echidna comes waddling in and sits at the barstool.

“You the bartender who’ll let a guy with five heads eat and drink for free?” the echidna asked.

“Yes,” said the bartender, amused.

“So why aren’t you serving me?” asked the echidna.

“I only see one head, ...

What does the robot eat for a snack?

Computer chips

What are the perfect snacks to bring to a coming out party?

Twinkies.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

4-year-old's joke: What is a duck's favorite snack? Peanut butter (context in comments)

We told my four-year-old a joke: What is a duck's favorite snack? Quackers! HA!

He asked, "Quackers?" *confused* "Like, peanut butter and crackers?" "Sure, like peanut butter and crackers."

*runs into other room, calling his grandfather* "Pop Pop! What is a duck's favorite snack?...

Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his snack?

He was shellfish.

A man was in the supermarket buying snacks for lunchtime when he saw a new babybel cheese with multi-colour wax.

The type of cheese wasn't labelled but he decided to try it anyway and found he really liked it. However, he couldn't decipher what cheese it was so he bought another one the next day.

The next day he yet again enjoyed it but still couldn't figure out what it was. His friend said he liked c...

V1. What do you call snacks with people you like?

Friend chips.

Open to edits and suggestions. My daughter helped with the crunchy part of the joke.

Apparently I wasn’t worthy of posting it to r/dadjokes because of my lack of commenting on other people’s posts to build up my street cred. Apparently up voting things isn’t enough.

What do computers eat for snacks?

Micro-chips


(Discovered on a Firecracker Popsicle stick)

Why did the birds want a snack?

They were feeling a bit peckish.

WhatIsAnAustronautsFavouriteSnack?

SpaceBars

What do you call a really high ranking snack?

A popcorn colonel.

A teacher asks her class their favorite after school snacks.

“Decklyn,” the teacher calls to the new student in the back of the room, “what’s your favorite after school snack?”

“Nuts,” he replies.

“Very good,” the teacher replies. “What kind of nuts? Peanuts? Pine nuts?”

The boy shakes his head and answers, “Doughnuts.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I can't watch erotic law enforcement videos without snacks.

I need popcorn for my cop porn.

What is Darth Vader's favorite snack?

(Breathe heavy for effect)

"Coooo-Keees"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are companies who sell snacks sexist?

Cause they avoid trans fat

What is Thanos' favourite vegetable to snack on?

Snap peas

Dark humor warning: What do cannibals call children?

The snack that smiles back

What is a sea monsters favourite snack?

Ship n dip

What snack did the pirate bring to the Super Bowl party?

Chips Ahoy

What is the official snack food of the Boston Red Sox and New England Patriots?

Cheat-o's

I found a hair in my Snack Pack.

It was off-pudding.

What do Snack companies and Hiking Stores have in common?

They both sell you air.

It's my cake day and I don't know any new jokes so. Here are some old jokes I use to love as a kid

1. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
Answer = A stick.

2. What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Answer = Thunderwear.

3. Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor. What did one say to the other?
Answer = Dill with it.

4. What time is it when the...

Polar bear: Don't you just love these little igloo snacks...

Crunchy on the outside, soft and chewy on the inside.

What snack would Rihanna eat when she's high?

Baked Brieanna

What do you call the snack that reveals all the intel of the contents in your lunchbox?

Julian a sandwich

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you heard the one about the fly?

There was a fly, and he was flying about 4 inches above this stream.

Well in the stream there was this Trout, the Trout was thinking to himself, " Man, if that fly dropped down about 4 inches I could grab that little shit and have myself a nice little snack. "

Well, what the Trout di...

What do you call a soviet brand snack

Dictato chips

I asked my lawyer friend how he keeps smuggling snacks into the courtroom during trial...

...He said, "Easy, I just keep them in my briefs."

My new years resolution is to get down to the weight I was before the accident.

....and to stop calling it "the accident" when I eat too many snacks.

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