The 96+ Best Snack Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A shark and his son go looking for a snack...

The father says, "I'm going to teach you how to catch a human. First you raise your fin out of the water and start circling, then you go in and eat them."

"Why circle them?" asks the son.

The father replies, "They taste better without shit in them."

What snack will you always find at a KKK rally?

Salty Crackers.

What does a robot eat for a small snack?

Microchips

As a serial killer, I keep all of my trophies in a snack pack.

The proof is in the pudding.

I identify as a snack.

Sometimes I'm sweet, sometimes I'm salty, but I'm always delicious.

What’s a cannibals favourite snack?

A bag of mixed nuts

what's a duck's favorite snack?

Quackers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a cinema snack and two police officers having sex in the back of a car while being filmed?

One is popcorn.

What do you get when you mix scoobie snacks and weed

A Scoobie Doobie

why are 8,9 and 10 always eating snacks and soft drinks?

Because they are in the 7/11

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I had this girl call me a snack, you know, in a sexy way

Little did she know how close she was to reality. I mean, I'm unhealthy, consumed quickly and people look for me when they're sad, lonely or bored.

What is a foot fetishist’s favorite snack?

Free toes

Being called a "snack" or a "tall drink of water" is all fun and games

Until your partner leaves you outside the movie theater because no "outside food or drink is allowed".

What is a skeletons favorite snack?

Ribs.

My son wanted me to post this one too!

Happy Halloween!

What is a robot's favourite snack?

Computer chips

A husband walks into his wife and her friends sitting on the couch eating snacks

"bunch of fat cows" muttered the husband

"what was that" shouted his wife

"you herd" replied the husband

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Quasi NSFW

A boy comes home from school at 7PM. His dad is PISSED.

"Where have you been?"

The son replies "I was at Megan's house. We were studying for tomorrow's algebra test."

He grabs a snack off the table and says "Wow, dad, these crab cakes are delicious!"

Dad says, "Go wash ...

An elephant and an ape go to a party together. They want to bring some snacks: crackers and dips. Which of them buys the crackers?

The elephant.

Because the ape always buys the dip.

What is a fish's favorite snack?

Chip's a'koi

Everyone knows Alan Turing, who cracked Enigma codes.

But nobody knows his sister Kate, who provided drinks, snacks and sandwiches for him and his colleagues during that time.

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An Indian and two Pakistanis sat on a Plane.

An Indian got a seat between two Pakistanis on a plane. Relaxing, he took his shoes off.

Soon enough, he got hungry.

"Hey, I'm going to get myself a snack. You guys want anything?" He asked the Pakistanis.

The man to his right said he would like a Coke.

"Of course." s...

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A man is sitting on a flight from NYC to London

He feels a little cold, so he asks the cabin attendant for a blanket. The cabin crew completely ignores him. On the seat next to him is no other than a parrot. The parrot screams "get me a scotch on the rocks you stupid cunt". Not a moment passes and the parrot gets a nice glass of whiskey. The man ...

What is Elons Musk favorite snack?

Mars bars.

Tide has some serious ad time during the superbowl this year

Must be able to afford it after cornering the teenage snack food market

What's Han Solo's favorite snack?

Hoth pocket, Lukewarm.

What’s a fighting game player’s favorite snack?

Combos

"Scary Snack" - A joke told like a horror story

After just arriving to his new home, little 7 year old Johnny was so excited. He just couldn't wait to run inside, find his new room and start unpacking all of his toys.

The afternoon passes, dinner is eaten, and the majority of essentials are where they are needing to be. His parents help hi...

After a long day of duck hunting I was famished... so I decided to sit down, put my feet up, and have my favorite snack...

Cheese and quackers.

What's it called when you share your fruit snacks?

Welch Redistribution.

What snack do casinos give to their patrons?

Chips Ahoy!

I asked my Pillow if it wanted a snack

It said “No, thanks I’m stuffed”

I like both sweet snacks and salty snacks

I’m bisnacksual

I got a job as a regional distributor for Hostess snack cakes...

I got Ho-Hos in different area codes.

My dad refused to tell me what his favorite snack was

When ever I asked he said it was pop secret

If we are not meant to have midnight snacks......

Why does the fridge have a light ?

What is a Scottish snack that is gloated about?

Braggis

What does the President call his favorite snacks?

Executive hors d’oeuvres

Courtesy of my seven year old:. What kind of trees can you find snacks in?

Pantries.

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4-year-old's joke: What is a duck's favorite snack? Peanut butter (context in comments)

We told my four-year-old a joke: What is a duck's favorite snack? Quackers! HA!

He asked, "Quackers?" *confused* "Like, peanut butter and crackers?" "Sure, like peanut butter and crackers."

*runs into other room, calling his grandfather* "Pop Pop! What is a duck's favorite snack?...

What Mexican snack do you eat at night?

Quesanoches.

What do you call a snack cookie you could’ve sworn was there, but really wasn’t?

A Figment Newton of your imagination.

What is the Super Mario's favourite snack?

Banana-nana-nana

At work today I brought my team new markers, crafting paper, decks of cards, and snacks

They didn’t know I was coming, so I jumped out and yelled SUPPLIES!!

(We work in Children’s mental health and everyone got a kick out of it)

Throwing Watches

Three tourists climbed up the tower with London's Big Ben and decided to throw their watches off the top, run down the stairs and try to catch them before they hit the ground.

The first tourist threw his watch but heard it crash before the had taken three steps. The second threw his watch an...

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What’s a promiscuous Latina’s favorite snack?

Papi cock

Back in college, I could barely pay my bills, even having to choose between laundry detergent and a small breakfast snack.

Sometimes it was All or muffin.

How big do computers like their snacks?

Byte sized

What's a straw man's favorite snack?

A red herring

From my kids: What do you call a pre meal snack for dogs?

Appawtizer

What is Amber Heards favourite snack

A Saltine

Bullets are like snacks

Always keep one for yourself and share with others

What's the best snack for a voyage across the seas?

Ships and Sailsa

I developed a new crunchy snack made out of duck bills.

I call them Quackers.

Midnight Snack

An old man went downstairs one night to find his wife grabbing a midnight snack from the fridge.

Well one thing led to another and the couple started getting frisky. They closed the door to the fridge which left them in complete darkness.

The old man tells his wife to get on the tabl...

Did you hear about the guy destroying snacks at the grocery store?

He's on the registered Chex offender list now.

What's a Jehovah's Witness's favorite snack food?

Ding Dongs

A tourist climbed out of his rental car in downtown Washington, D.C. He was intent on visiting the White House and take in the city’s other world-famous sights, but he felt hungry so he decided to pop into a store to buy himself a snack.

As he pulled up to the curb outside the store, he saw a well-to-do man standing on the sidewalk.
He said to him: “Listen, I’m going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I run into this store?”

“What?” the man huffed. “Do you realize that I am a member of the United ...

China have announced their new rage of meat free snacks.

"Not Poodle"

What does batman like to snack on?

Just-ice

What do lawyers eat for a snack?

Trial mix

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Popcorn is the gayest snack...

Because you're eating busted nuts.

Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his snack?

He was shellfish.

To cut costs even more certain airlines will now only serve snacks to passengers on the left side of the plane.

Their justification is the passengers sitting on the right side are already F-E-D.

V1. What do you call snacks with people you like?

Friend chips.

Open to edits and suggestions. My daughter helped with the crunchy part of the joke.

Apparently I wasn’t worthy of posting it to r/dadjokes because of my lack of commenting on other people’s posts to build up my street cred. Apparently up voting things isn’t enough.

WhatIsAnAustronautsFavouriteSnack?

SpaceBars

What's a skeleton's favourite snack?

Calci-yum!

Hey girl, are you the SAT?

Because I'd do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes, with a 10 minute break in between for snacks. Then I'd stare at you for another 5-10 minutes thinking, "Wow, I really hope I don't screw this up."

I have decided I wanted to be healthier so one of my new years resolutions is instead of snacking on processed and sugary foods I am just going to eat nuts instead.

The other is to come out to my parents.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are companies who sell snacks sexist?

Cause they avoid trans fat

What are the perfect snacks to bring to a coming out party?

Twinkies.

Why did the birds want a snack?

They were feeling a bit peckish.

A man was in the supermarket buying snacks for lunchtime when he saw a new babybel cheese with multi-colour wax.

The type of cheese wasn't labelled but he decided to try it anyway and found he really liked it. However, he couldn't decipher what cheese it was so he bought another one the next day.

The next day he yet again enjoyed it but still couldn't figure out what it was. His friend said he liked c...

What do you call a really high ranking snack?

A popcorn colonel.

What is a sea monsters favourite snack?

Ship n dip

A teacher asks her class their favorite after school snacks.

“Decklyn,” the teacher calls to the new student in the back of the room, “what’s your favorite after school snack?”

“Nuts,” he replies.

“Very good,” the teacher replies. “What kind of nuts? Peanuts? Pine nuts?”

The boy shakes his head and answers, “Doughnuts.”

What did one snowman say to the other while snacking?

This carrot tastes like boogers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I can't watch erotic law enforcement videos without snacks.

I need popcorn for my cop porn.

What do Snack companies and Hiking Stores have in common?

They both sell you air.

What is the most popular snack in Prague?

Czechs mix

What do computers eat for snacks?

Micro-chips

(Discovered on a Firecracker Popsicle stick)

What snack did the pirate bring to the Super Bowl party?

Chips Ahoy

What is Thanos' favourite vegetable to snack on?

Snap peas

What snack would Rihanna eat when she's high?

Baked Brieanna

What do you call a soviet brand snack

Dictato chips

What is the official snack food of the Boston Red Sox and New England Patriots?

Cheat-o's

I found a hair in my Snack Pack.

It was off-pudding.

I asked my lawyer friend how he keeps smuggling snacks into the courtroom during trial...

...He said, "Easy, I just keep them in my briefs."

A trucker died in Ireland. A local snack entrepreneur gave a touching speech at the funeral.

“He was driving me nuts alright until the bloody car crash.”

Polar bear: Don't you just love these little igloo snacks...

Crunchy on the outside, soft and chewy on the inside.

What is Darth Vader's favorite snack?

(Breathe heavy for effect)

"Coooo-Keees"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So my grandad was stumbling through the house after the power went out, looking for a snack of leftover chicken in the fridge, tripped over a trash can and yelled "Aaaargh!" as he fell.

Which came first, the shitcan or the aaargh?

What do you call the snack that reveals all the intel of the contents in your lunchbox?

Julian a sandwich

Went to Costco to pick up some groceries. I am on the low carb diet but wanted something salty to snack on. Checked aisle by aisle for almonds or pistachios or cashews but they were all out.

Guess it is no nut November.

I want an after workout snack but forgot to get more protein powder.

Oy whey

I'm pretty sure my pet birds have been working together to steal my snacks at night.

I'm not 100% but I do suspect fowl play.

Dark humor warning: What do cannibals call children?

The snack that smiles back

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