What is the most popular snack in Prague?

Czech’s Mix

What does batman like to snack on?

Just-ice

What's a skeleton's favourite snack?

Calci-yum!

I asked my lawyer friend how he keeps smuggling snacks into the courtroom during trial...

...He said, "Easy, I just keep them in my briefs."

What do you call a really high ranking snack?

A popcorn colonel.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

A shark and his son go looking for a snack...

The father says, "I'm going to teach you how to catch a human. First you raise your fin out of the water and start circling, then you go in and eat them."

"Why circle them?" asks the son.

The father replies, "They taste better without shit in them."

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Why are companies who sell snacks sexist?

Cause they avoid trans fat

What snack did the pirate bring to the Super Bowl party?

Chips Ahoy

What's a cannibal's favorite snack?

Finger foods.

What does the robot eat for a snack?

Computer chips

What snack would Rihanna eat when she's high?

Baked Brieanna

A teacher asks her class their favorite afterschool snacks.

β€œDecklyn,” the teacher calls to the new student in the back of the room, β€œwhat’s your favorite afterschool snack?”



β€œNuts,” he replies.



β€œVery good,” the teacher replies. β€œWhat kind of nuts? Peanuts? Pine nuts?”



The boy shakes his head and answers, β€œDoughnu...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

What did shaggy say when scooby accused him of eating all his scooby snacks?

"wasn't me"

What do lawyers eat for a snack?

Trial mix

What do Snack companies and Hiking Stores have in common?

They both sell you air.

What's a vampire's least favorite snack?

Anything too light

What is Kim Kardashian’s favourite snack?

Ye’s nuts

What is a foot fetishist's favorite snack?

Fritos.

What do you call the snack that reveals all the intel of the contents in your lunchbox?

Julian a sandwich

What snack will you always find at a KKK rally?

Salty Crackers.

I'm pretty sure my pet birds have been working together to steal my snacks at night.

I'm not 100% but I do suspect fowl play.

What do you call a soviet brand snack

Dictato chips

What is Thanos' favourite vegetable to snack on?

Snap peas

I'm not going to snack any more in 2019

I'm also not going to snack any less though

I would take you to the movies

but they don’t allow snacks

I met up with my impersonal trainer today

We went to the gym,i stood there eating snacks and he worked out,then we said our farewells and parted ways.

Whats A Pirates Favourite Snack?

Booty

What do computers eat for snacks?

Micro-chips


(Discovered on a Firecracker Popsicle stick)

What do you call a really fat Asian snack?

A four-chin cookie.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

My name is Quinton and I have the most amazing luck!

You might be wondering how I became known as the Amazingly Lucky Quinton. I've won the lottery 3 times now, have never broken a bone, always find pennies face up, and still have my pet goldfish that I won from a fair when I was 6 years old.

You see, my whole life changed when I got lost in a ...

What is St. Paul's favorite snack?

Minneapples

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

A bartender seriously declared that, if he met someone with five heads, they would get every drink or snack for free.

One day, a male echidna comes waddling in and sits at the barstool.

β€œYou the bartender who’ll let a guy with five heads eat and drink for free?” the echidna asked.

β€œYes,” said the bartender, amused.

β€œSo why aren’t you serving me?” asked the echidna.

β€œI only see one head, ...

Scooby Doo taught me....

that if you smoke enough pot, your dog will talk and help you get snacks.

Went to Costco to pick up some groceries. I am on the low carb diet but wanted something salty to snack on. Checked aisle by aisle for almonds or pistachios or cashews but they were all out.

Guess it is no nut November.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

A man walks into the bar with a monkey on his shoulder

He sits at the bar and orders a beer. As the bartender is pouring his beer the monkey jumps off his shoulder and proceeds to eat everything in sight.

He eats all the bowls of mixed nuts, eats all the popcorn, jumps over the bar and eats all the marschianno cherries and all the green olives. ...

Polar bear: Don't you just love these little igloo snacks...

Crunchy on the outside, soft and chewy on the inside.

A German guy making snacks...

is the Wurst-KΓ€se scenario...

A trucker died in Ireland. A local snack entrepreneur gave a touching speech at the funeral.

β€œHe was driving me nuts alright until the bloody car crash.”

I found a hair in my Snack Pack.

It was off-pudding.

An old couple are starting to lose their memories...

...so they go to the doctor. "You're fine," says the doctor, "but I think you ought to start writing things down so you can remember them more easily."

Later that night, the man and his wife are watching TV. The man gets up and says to his wife, "I'm just getting a snack, would you like one?...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

What's the difference between two policemen fucking in the back of their car and a cinema snack?

One is popcorn.

The other is cop porn.

how time flys

A group of 15 year old boys discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they would meet at the McDonald’s next to Captain Jack’s Seafood Grille because they only had six dollars among them, they could ride their bikes there, and Jennie Webster, that cute girl in Social Studies, lives ...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

The Little Debbie company is trying to make a new snack

In a meeting room, several people are trying to make the new snack everyone will love

a guy who really likes chocolate: what if we made brownies with even more chocolate on them?

everyone couldn't seem to get behind the idea, so they kept trying to find a new idea

a dude who thi...

A recent study was conducted to find out why husbands get out of bed at night.

The results found that 5% were getting a snack, 10% percent were going to the toilet and the remaining 85% were going home.

Being ugly changed my expectations of how my girlfriend should be.

Earlier I was looking for a snack, now I would be happy with a vegetable.

Throwing Watches

Three tourists climbed up the tower with London's Big Ben and decided to throw their watches off the top, run down the stairs and try to catch them before they hit the ground.

The first tourist threw his watch but heard it crash before the had taken three steps. The second threw his watch an...

A man is at a party when he sees a Buddhist monk

As he is observing the monk, the lady behind him drops her phone, and he helps her by picking it up. After that, he begins moving over to the refreshments section, on his way he spots a drunk friend, for whom he calls an Uber home. Once his friend is safely away, he continues to amble over to the re...

What is the official snack food of the Boston Red Sox and New England Patriots?

Cheat-o's

The snack companies of the world have announced the food Olympics for 2018.

Supposedly two of the events have an interesting relay-sun-chip.

An American and a Polish farmer are riding the train together through Europe.

Feeling hungry the Polish farmer pulls an apple out of his bag.

American asks:

\- What is that?

\-This? An apple.

\- Ha Ha! Apples in America are 3 times that size.

Some time goes by, Polish farmer wants another snack. He takes a carrot out of his bag.

Ameri...

What is Darth Vader's favorite snack?

(Breathe heavy for effect)

"Coooo-Keees"

Mid-afternoon snacking was not as detrimental to my dieting as I thought,

In the other hand though, the mid-snacking snacking . . .

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

So there's this guy, let's call him Paul Yankee.

So Paul Yankee had been dating this girl Wendy Norris for a few years, so he finally proposed and she said yes.

Fast forward to the wedding and they are the happiest people to ever exist. Mr Paul Yankee and Mrs Wendy Yankee decided to go to Jamaica for their honeymoon. As a surprise for his ...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

4-year-old's joke: What is a duck's favorite snack? Peanut butter (context in comments)

We told my four-year-old a joke: What is a duck's favorite snack? Quackers! HA!

He asked, "Quackers?" *confused* "Like, peanut butter and crackers?" "Sure, like peanut butter and crackers."

*runs into other room, calling his grandfather* "Pop Pop! What is a duck's favorite snack?...

So many questions

After a stressful day, one man comes home and sits in his backyard, drinking a beer.

As he's getting up to get a snack, he stops and asks, "Jesus, what is the meaning of life?"

To which Jesus replies,"You slave in the sun to support the ones you love. You make money so you can buy thin...

Tide has some serious ad time during the superbowl this year

Must be able to afford it after cornering the teenage snack food market

How do programmers like their snacks?

Byte-sized.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Have you not heard about the guy who drinks piss as a snack?

Urine for a treat.

"Travel Bags?" "Check" "Snacks?" "Check" "Going to a place in Europe?"

"Czech"

What did the plant say in the middle of the night?

"Man, I would kill for a light snack."

What do plants like to eat?

A Light snack...

This is a joke my very Catholic grandma used to tell me: A little boy was walking past the church when he dropped his snack of crackers and cheddar in a puddle...

Angry at his misfortune, he loudly cursed, "Jesus Christ, God Almighty!!" The priest overheard and exclaimed, "What did you say, young man? You know it's a great sin to take the Lord's name in vain!" The little boy looked around frantically and responded, "Umm, I said my cheese and crackers got all ...

What do you call a Goldfish cracker laced with Coke

The snack that’s also crack

My friend John used to eat lightbulbs

He said it was a light snack

Whats the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

One’s fun to hit with a sledgehammer and the other is a tasty snack.

U.S. vending machines to begin displaying calorie information to encourage smarter snack choices.

Machines’ reflective glass surface not doing the trick.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

So I went to get a protein snack in Iraq...

But they only had fucking allahu akbars

At snack time at a Catholic elementary school there was a tray of apples. A note beside them read "Take only ONE. God is watching." At the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note,

"Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

What is Stephen Hawking's favorite snack?

His left shoulder

A Holiday Snack

It was Christmas Eve.

A woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping.

Later on that night when she was getting undressed for bed, he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg.

"What is that?" he asked.

She said, "I visited the tattoo parlor today. On the ...

When professors with tenure need a quick snack

Do they eat academia nuts?

The first rule of Fight Club is...

Just try your best guys, and have fun. Also, when it’s your turn to bring snacks be mindful of others’ allergies.

Thought of this whilst snacking.

If one chick pea kills another chick pea... Is that considered Humuscide?

What's Bill Cosby's New Favorite Snack?

Jail-O

An drunk alcoholic walks into a kids’ party

He sees all these long lines of children waiting for their rides, snacks etc.
He finally sees some adults holding drinks in their hands and joins them.
He stand there for hours, waiting for the line to move. Finally when his number comes, he asks for a β€œVodka Martini, Shaken not stirred. I h...

What is a drug addicts favorite snack?

Crack-ers

Where do Jihadists get their snacks?

At the Allah hu snackbar.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

A boy comes home from school at 7pm

His dad says "where were you?
"I was with Jessica." He replied.
"What were you doing?"
"We were studying."
After picking a snack off the table the son says "These fishcakes are lovely."
Dad replies "Wash your hands son; they're fucking donuts."

What does a cannibal think of kids

They are the snack that smiles back

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

I always like to have snacks while I surf porn.

That way, I'm packing on the poundage while I'm pounding on the package.

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