UPJOKE
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What is a robot's favourite snack?

Computer chips

An elephant and an ape go to a party together. They want to bring some snacks: crackers and dips. Which of them buys the crackers?

The elephant.

Because the ape always buys the dip.

What is Elons Musk favorite snack?

Mars bars.

What is an adulterer’s favourite snack?

Cheat-O’s!

Being called a "snack" or a "tall drink of water" is all fun and games

Until your partner leaves you outside the movie theater because no "outside food or drink is allowed".

What's Han Solo's favorite snack?

Hoth pocket, Lukewarm.

What’s a fighting game player’s favorite snack?

Combos

"Scary Snack" - A joke told like a horror story

After just arriving to his new home, little 7 year old Johnny was so excited. He just couldn't wait to run inside, find his new room and start unpacking all of his toys.

The afternoon passes, dinner is eaten, and the majority of essentials are where they are needing to be. His parents help hi...

What snack do casinos give to their patrons?

Chips Ahoy!

a guy goes to a party...

He has fun and goes to the photo booth, and there's no photo line.

Then he goes to the bathroom, and there's no bathroom line

Then he goes to get snacks and there's no snack line

Then he goes to get punch and there's no punch line

What Mexican snack do you eat at night?

Quesanoches.

A husband was sitting on the sofa one afternoon when his wife came up behind him and whacked him on the head.

The husband asked ‘What the hell was that for?’

The wife replied ‘That’s for the slip of paper in your pocket with the name Laura Lou on it!’

‘Don’t worry’, said the husband, that’s just the name of a racehorse I put a bet on a few days ago’.
Satisfied, the wife apologised to her hu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A shark and his son go looking for a snack...

The father says, "I'm going to teach you how to catch a human. First you raise your fin out of the water and start circling, then you go in and eat them."

"Why circle them?" asks the son.

The father replies, "They taste better without shit in them."

If we are not meant to have midnight snacks......

Why does the fridge have a light ?

What is a skeletons favorite snack?

Ribs.

My son wanted me to post this one too!

Happy Halloween!

My dad refused to tell me what his favorite snack was

When ever I asked he said it was pop secret

What does the President call his favorite snacks?

Executive hors d’oeuvres

A husband walks into his wife and her friends sitting on the couch eating snacks

"bunch of fat cows" muttered the husband

"what was that" shouted his wife

"you herd" replied the husband

What is Amber Heards favourite snack

A Saltine

I like both sweet snacks and salty snacks

I’m bisnacksual

At work today I brought my team new markers, crafting paper, decks of cards, and snacks

They didn’t know I was coming, so I jumped out and yelled SUPPLIES!!

(We work in Children’s mental health and everyone got a kick out of it)

I am teaching my 5 year old about good eating habits.

My 5 year old son has a bit if a sweet tooth. I decided to have a discussion that eating too much junk food and snacks will make him fat...

Fast forward to this afternoon, I was with my son in the bank lining up. Behind us, a pregnant lady with the big baby bump lines up.

Remembering t...

Bullets are like snacks

Always keep one for yourself and share with others

What snack will you always find at a KKK rally?

Salty Crackers.

I asked my Pillow if it wanted a snack

It said “No, thanks I’m stuffed”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you heard the one about the fly?

There was a fly, and he was flying about 4 inches above this stream.

Well in the stream there was this Trout, the Trout was thinking to himself, " Man, if that fly dropped down about 4 inches I could grab that little shit and have myself a nice little snack. "

Well, what the Trout di...

Bach, the great composer, was having a difficult time writing new music.

With 20 kids in the house, it was hard for him to find quiet time to work.

So he decided to find a quiet place outdoors, and found a small shed in the woods. Unfortunately, it was so far from his home, that by the time he got there and started writing, it was time to go back home for lunch. ...

How big do computers like their snacks?

Byte sized

After a long day of duck hunting I was famished... so I decided to sit down, put my feet up, and have my favorite snack...

Cheese and quackers.

Courtesy of my seven year old:. What kind of trees can you find snacks in?

Pantries.

What is the Super Mario's favourite snack?

Banana-nana-nana

My new years resolution is to get down to the weight I was before the accident.

....and to stop calling it "the accident" when I eat too many snacks.

What's the best snack for a voyage across the seas?

Ships and Sailsa

I developed a new crunchy snack made out of duck bills.

I call them Quackers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s a promiscuous Latina’s favorite snack?

Papi cock

What is a Scottish snack that is gloated about?

Braggis

What's it called when you share your fruit snacks?

Welch Redistribution.

What's a straw man's favorite snack?

A red herring

What's a Skelton favourite snack?

#**RRRRRIIIIBBBSSSSS**

An atheist is walking through the woods

An atheist is walking through the woods, enjoying the scenes of nature, the birds chirping, the beauty of trees, the fauna, marveling what evolution has managed over the course of centuries and millennia of development.



Suddenly, through the brush, a grizzly bear crashes. Roaring and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the shark say to the sexy seal?

Damn, you’re a snack

Back in college, I could barely pay my bills, even having to choose between laundry detergent and a small breakfast snack.

Sometimes it was All or muffin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Fly (a tad long, but bear with me)

On a hot midsummer afternoon a fly was hovering over a pond thinking, "if I just go two inches down, the moisture from the pond will cool me".

But, unknown to the fly, a fish was watching the fly from under the water thinking, "if the fly comes just two inches down, I can jump up and gobble i...

From my kids: What do you call a pre meal snack for dogs?

Appawtizer

It's my cake day and I don't know any new jokes so. Here are some old jokes I use to love as a kid

1. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
Answer = A stick.

2. What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Answer = Thunderwear.

3. Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor. What did one say to the other?
Answer = Dill with it.

4. What time is it when the...

Midnight Snack

An old man went downstairs one night to find his wife grabbing a midnight snack from the fridge.

Well one thing led to another and the couple started getting frisky. They closed the door to the fridge which left them in complete darkness.

The old man tells his wife to get on the tabl...

What are the perfect snacks to bring to a coming out party?

Twinkies.

Even though I no longer smoke pot...

I like hanging out with friends who do....

They always have the best snacks.

A tourist climbed out of his rental car in downtown Washington, D.C. He was intent on visiting the White House and take in the city’s other world-famous sights, but he felt hungry so he decided to pop into a store to buy himself a snack.

As he pulled up to the curb outside the store, he saw a well-to-do man standing on the sidewalk.
He said to him: “Listen, I’m going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I run into this store?”

“What?” the man huffed. “Do you realize that I am a member of the United ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a prostitutes favourite snack?

Chewing Cum.

China have announced their new rage of meat free snacks.

"Not Poodle"

What's a Jehovah's Witness's favorite snack food?

Ding Dongs

To cut costs even more certain airlines will now only serve snacks to passengers on the left side of the plane.

Their justification is the passengers sitting on the right side are already F-E-D.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Every Man needs to find a woman...

A woman that is beautiful and shapely that will have sex with him whenever he wants. A woman that knows how to cook and clean and will bring him snacks while he watches football. A woman that works hard, earns tons of money, and buys him whatever he wants.

Now the important thing, and this i...

Did you hear about the guy destroying snacks at the grocery store?

He's on the registered Chex offender list now.

What is a foot fetishist's favorite snack?

Fritos.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Popcorn is the gayest snack...

Because you're eating busted nuts.

Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his snack?

He was shellfish.

Everyone knows Alan Turing who cracked Enigma codes.

But nobody knows his sister Kay, who provided drinks, snacks and sandwiches for him and his colleagues during that time.

What does batman like to snack on?

Just-ice

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Indian and two Pakistanis sat on a Plane.

An Indian got a seat between two Pakistanis on a plane. Relaxing, he took his shoes off.

Soon enough, he got hungry.

"Hey, I'm going to get myself a snack. You guys want anything?" He asked the Pakistanis.

The man to his right said he would like a Coke.

"Of course." s...

I have decided I wanted to be healthier so one of my new years resolutions is instead of snacking on processed and sugary foods I am just going to eat nuts instead.

The other is to come out to my parents.

A health-conscious man got a job as...

... a grocery packer. Every day he watched customers buy candy, soda, potato chips and processed snacks. He knew people were damaging their health with these unhealthy foods choices.

One day, he couldn't take it anymore. When he saw a customer with their cart full of particularly unhealthy ju...

Why do plants use photosynthesis?

So they can have a light snack

A man was in the supermarket buying snacks for lunchtime when he saw a new babybel cheese with multi-colour wax.

The type of cheese wasn't labelled but he decided to try it anyway and found he really liked it. However, he couldn't decipher what cheese it was so he bought another one the next day.

The next day he yet again enjoyed it but still couldn't figure out what it was. His friend said he liked c...

Why did the birds want a snack?

They were feeling a bit peckish.

A Rabbi, a priest, and a preacher are out in a boat one day.

The rabbi tells the two he’s hungry, so he steps out of the boat and walks across the water to land, where he claims his snack.


Shortly later the priest decides he’s thirsty, so like the rabbi, steps out the boat and walks across the water to land, getting a bottle of water.


Th...

What do lawyers eat for a snack?

Trial mix

WhatIsAnAustronautsFavouriteSnack?

SpaceBars

What do you call a really high ranking snack?

A popcorn colonel.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I can't watch erotic law enforcement videos without snacks.

I need popcorn for my cop porn.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bartender seriously declared that, if he met someone with five heads, they would get every drink or snack for free.

One day, a male echidna comes waddling in and sits at the barstool.

“You the bartender who’ll let a guy with five heads eat and drink for free?” the echidna asked.

“Yes,” said the bartender, amused.

“So why aren’t you serving me?” asked the echidna.

“I only see one head, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are companies who sell snacks sexist?

Cause they avoid trans fat

V1. What do you call snacks with people you like?

Friend chips.

Open to edits and suggestions. My daughter helped with the crunchy part of the joke.

Apparently I wasn’t worthy of posting it to r/dadjokes because of my lack of commenting on other people’s posts to build up my street cred. Apparently up voting things isn’t enough.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

4-year-old's joke: What is a duck's favorite snack? Peanut butter (context in comments)

We told my four-year-old a joke: What is a duck's favorite snack? Quackers! HA!

He asked, "Quackers?" *confused* "Like, peanut butter and crackers?" "Sure, like peanut butter and crackers."

*runs into other room, calling his grandfather* "Pop Pop! What is a duck's favorite snack?...

What do computers eat for snacks?

Micro-chips


(Discovered on a Firecracker Popsicle stick)

What is Thanos' favourite vegetable to snack on?

Snap peas

What is St. Paul's favorite snack?

Minneapples

What is a Guitarist's Favorite Snack?

String cheese.

What do Snack companies and Hiking Stores have in common?

They both sell you air.

What is Darth Vader's favorite snack?

(Breathe heavy for effect)

"Coooo-Keees"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you think that you're too powerless to change the world...

... always remember that a single idiot who snacked a bat managed to shutdown the whole fucking world for 2 years.

What is a sea monsters favourite snack?

Ship n dip

A teacher asks her class their favorite after school snacks.

“Decklyn,” the teacher calls to the new student in the back of the room, “what’s your favorite after school snack?”

“Nuts,” he replies.

“Very good,” the teacher replies. “What kind of nuts? Peanuts? Pine nuts?”

The boy shakes his head and answers, “Doughnuts.”

What snack did the pirate bring to the Super Bowl party?

Chips Ahoy

What snack would Rihanna eat when she's high?

Baked Brieanna

What do you call the snack that reveals all the intel of the contents in your lunchbox?

Julian a sandwich

I found a hair in my Snack Pack.

It was off-pudding.

What is the official snack food of the Boston Red Sox and New England Patriots?

Cheat-o's

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between two policemen fucking in the back of their car and a cinema snack?

One is popcorn.

The other is cop porn.

What do you call a soviet brand snack

Dictato chips

Polar bear: Don't you just love these little igloo snacks...

Crunchy on the outside, soft and chewy on the inside.

A trucker died in Ireland. A local snack entrepreneur gave a touching speech at the funeral.

“He was driving me nuts alright until the bloody car crash.”

A man finally gets the girl of his dreams

After she yes to dating him, he’s so ecstatic he takes her to the mall to go shopping. And after a few minutes of shopping, he notices the line for the cashier stretched long, around the mall. But he’s too excited to care for long.

Next his girlfriend suggests lunch, which both are quite hung...

What is the most popular snack in Prague?

Czechs mix

I asked my lawyer friend how he keeps smuggling snacks into the courtroom during trial...

...He said, "Easy, I just keep them in my briefs."

An Estonian visits russia

He departs from Tallinn, the journey goes as planned until, 2 hours and a half in, he realizes he needs petrol otherwise he won't get to russia, so he stops at a gas station near narva, and decides to get a snack and go to the bathroom. So before filling up his car he gets off, walks to the gas stat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There once was a fish

One day, a fish was swimming down a lake when he spotted a fly...
“Boy, I wish that fly would fly just a little lower so I could eat it” thought the fish.
Little did the fish know though, that there was a bear waiting nearby...
“Oh boy, if that fly would go just a little lower, the fish wou...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Little Debbie company is trying to make a new snack

In a meeting room, several people are trying to make the new snack everyone will love

a guy who really likes chocolate: what if we made brownies with even more chocolate on them?

everyone couldn't seem to get behind the idea, so they kept trying to find a new idea

a dude who thi...

Went to Costco to pick up some groceries. I am on the low carb diet but wanted something salty to snack on. Checked aisle by aisle for almonds or pistachios or cashews but they were all out.

Guess it is no nut November.

I'm pretty sure my pet birds have been working together to steal my snacks at night.

I'm not 100% but I do suspect fowl play.

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