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Snack Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A shark and his son go looking for a snack...

The father says, "I'm going to teach you how to catch a human. First you raise your fin out of the water and start circling, then you go in and eat them."

"Why circle them?" asks the son.

The father replies, "They taste better without shit in them."

What snack will you always find at a KKK rally?

Salty Crackers.

I identify as a snack.

Sometimes I'm sweet, sometimes I'm salty, but I'm always delicious.

What’s a cannibals favourite snack?

A bag of mixed nuts

what's a duck's favorite snack?

Quackers

Everyone knows Alan Turing, who cracked Enigma codes.

But nobody knows his sister Kate, who provided drinks, snacks and sandwiches for him and his colleagues during that time.

Tide has some serious ad time during the superbowl this year

Must be able to afford it after cornering the teenage snack food market

As a serial killer, I keep all of my trophies in a snack pack.

The proof is in the pudding.

What do you get when you mix scoobie snacks and weed

A Scoobie Doobie

I like both sweet snacks and salty snacks

I’m bisnacksual

What's Han Solo's favorite snack?

Hoth pocket, Lukewarm.

What is a foot fetishist’s favorite snack?

Free toes

What is a skeletons favorite snack?

Ribs.

My son wanted me to post this one too!

Happy Halloween!

What is a fish's favorite snack?

Chip's a'koi

What is Elons Musk favorite snack?

Mars bars.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Indian and two Pakistanis sat on a Plane.

An Indian got a seat between two Pakistanis on a plane. Relaxing, he took his shoes off.

Soon enough, he got hungry.

"Hey, I'm going to get myself a snack. You guys want anything?" He asked the Pakistanis.

The man to his right said he would like a Coke.

"Of course." s...

why are 8,9 and 10 always eating snacks and soft drinks?

Because they are in the 7/11

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is sitting on a flight from NYC to London

He feels a little cold, so he asks the cabin attendant for a blanket. The cabin crew completely ignores him. On the seat next to him is no other than a parrot. The parrot screams "get me a scotch on the rocks you stupid cunt". Not a moment passes and the parrot gets a nice glass of whiskey. The man ...

Midnight Snack

An old man went downstairs one night to find his wife grabbing a midnight snack from the fridge.

Well one thing led to another and the couple started getting frisky. They closed the door to the fridge which left them in complete darkness.

The old man tells his wife to get on the tabl...

What's it called when you share your fruit snacks?

Welch Redistribution.

A husband walks into his wife and her friends sitting on the couch eating snacks

"bunch of fat cows" muttered the husband

"what was that" shouted his wife

"you herd" replied the husband

What Mexican snack do you eat at night?

Quesanoches.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had this girl call me a snack, you know, in a sexy way

Little did she know how close she was to reality. I mean, I'm unhealthy, consumed quickly and people look for me when they're sad, lonely or bored.

What snack do casinos give to their patrons?

Chips Ahoy!

What’s a fighting game player’s favorite snack?

Combos

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a cinema snack and two police officers having sex in the back of a car while being filmed?

One is popcorn.

What's a straw man's favorite snack?

A red herring

Being called a "snack" or a "tall drink of water" is all fun and games

Until your partner leaves you outside the movie theater because no "outside food or drink is allowed".

What does the President call his favorite snacks?

Executive hors d’oeuvres

What is Amber Heards favourite snack

A Saltine

Bullets are like snacks

Always keep one for yourself and share with others

I asked my Pillow if it wanted a snack

It said “No, thanks I’m stuffed”

What is the Super Mario's favourite snack?

Banana-nana-nana

Hey girl, are you the SAT?

Because I'd do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes, with a 10 minute break in between for snacks. Then I'd stare at you for another 5-10 minutes thinking, "Wow, I really hope I don't screw this up."

Throwing Watches

Three tourists climbed up the tower with London's Big Ben and decided to throw their watches off the top, run down the stairs and try to catch them before they hit the ground.

The first tourist threw his watch but heard it crash before the had taken three steps. The second threw his watch an...

How big do computers like their snacks?

Byte sized

What is a Scottish snack that is gloated about?

Braggis

If we are not meant to have midnight snacks......

Why does the fridge have a light ?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

4-year-old's joke: What is a duck's favorite snack? Peanut butter (context in comments)

We told my four-year-old a joke: What is a duck's favorite snack? Quackers! HA!

He asked, "Quackers?" *confused* "Like, peanut butter and crackers?" "Sure, like peanut butter and crackers."

*runs into other room, calling his grandfather* "Pop Pop! What is a duck's favorite snack?...

"Scary Snack" - A joke told like a horror story

After just arriving to his new home, little 7 year old Johnny was so excited. He just couldn't wait to run inside, find his new room and start unpacking all of his toys.

The afternoon passes, dinner is eaten, and the majority of essentials are where they are needing to be. His parents help hi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s a promiscuous Latina’s favorite snack?

Papi cock

What is a gamer's favorite snack?

Farm fresh cheese.

What's a Jehovah's Witness's favorite snack food?

Ding Dongs

My dad refused to tell me what his favorite snack was

When ever I asked he said it was pop secret

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Popcorn is the gayest snack...

Because you're eating busted nuts.

WhatIsAnAustronautsFavouriteSnack?

SpaceBars

I got a job as a regional distributor for Hostess snack cakes...

I got Ho-Hos in different area codes.

What's the best snack for a voyage across the seas?

Ships and Sailsa

What does batman like to snack on?

Just-ice

What do lawyers eat for a snack?

Trial mix

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are companies who sell snacks sexist?

Cause they avoid trans fat

Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his snack?

He was shellfish.

What do computers eat for snacks?

Micro-chips


(Discovered on a Firecracker Popsicle stick)

Why did the birds want a snack?

They were feeling a bit peckish.

I developed a new crunchy snack made out of duck bills.

I call them Quackers.

China have announced their new rage of meat free snacks.

"Not Poodle"

From my kids: What do you call a pre meal snack for dogs?

Appawtizer

What is Darth Vader's favorite snack?

(Breathe heavy for effect)

"Coooo-Keees"

Did you hear about the guy destroying snacks at the grocery store?

He's on the registered Chex offender list now.

Courtesy of my seven year old:. What kind of trees can you find snacks in?

Pantries.

An elephant and an ape go to a party together. They want to bring some snacks: crackers and dips. Which of them buys the crackers?

The elephant.

Because the ape always buys the dip.

What is a sea monsters favourite snack?

Ship n dip

What snack would Rihanna eat when she's high?

Baked Brieanna

What is Thanos' favourite vegetable to snack on?

Snap peas

I gave my daughter a piece of traditional Jewish bread for an afternoon meal, but she refused it.

She ain’t no challah snack girl.

What do you call a soviet brand snack

Dictato chips

A Holiday Snack

It was Christmas Eve.

A woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping.

Later on that night when she was getting undressed for bed, he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg.

"What is that?" he asked.

She said, "I visited the tattoo parlor today. On the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I can't watch erotic law enforcement videos without snacks.

I need popcorn for my cop porn.

V1. What do you call snacks with people you like?

Friend chips.

Open to edits and suggestions. My daughter helped with the crunchy part of the joke.

Apparently I wasn’t worthy of posting it to r/dadjokes because of my lack of commenting on other people’s posts to build up my street cred. Apparently up voting things isn’t enough.

At work today I brought my team new markers, crafting paper, decks of cards, and snacks

They didn’t know I was coming, so I jumped out and yelled SUPPLIES!!

(We work in Children’s mental health and everyone got a kick out of it)

I found a hair in my Snack Pack.

It was off-pudding.

A teacher asks her class their favorite after school snacks.

“Decklyn,” the teacher calls to the new student in the back of the room, “what’s your favorite after school snack?”

“Nuts,” he replies.

“Very good,” the teacher replies. “What kind of nuts? Peanuts? Pine nuts?”

The boy shakes his head and answers, “Doughnuts.”

What do Snack companies and Hiking Stores have in common?

They both sell you air.

Thought of this whilst snacking.

If one chick pea kills another chick pea... Is that considered Humuscide?

What are the perfect snacks to bring to a coming out party?

Twinkies.

What snack did the pirate bring to the Super Bowl party?

Chips Ahoy

Polar bear: Don't you just love these little igloo snacks...

Crunchy on the outside, soft and chewy on the inside.

What's Bill Cosby's New Favorite Snack?

Jail-O

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's a monkey's favorite snack?

Rhesus Peanut butter cups!

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