What's it called when you share your fruit snacks?

Welch Redistribution.

What's a straw man's favorite snack?

A red herring

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Popcorn is the gayest snack...

Because you're eating busted nuts.

What is a Scottish snack that is gloated about?

Braggis

What’s a Beavers favorite snack?

Wood chips.

A man was in the supermarket buying snacks for lunchtime when he saw a new babybel cheese with multi-colour wax.

The type of cheese wasn't labelled but he decided to try it anyway and found he really liked it. However, he couldn't decipher what cheese it was so he bought another one the next day.

The next day he yet again enjoyed it but still couldn't figure out what it was. His friend said he liked c...

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A shark and his son go looking for a snack...

The father says, "I'm going to teach you how to catch a human. First you raise your fin out of the water and start circling, then you go in and eat them."

"Why circle them?" asks the son.

The father replies, "They taste better without shit in them."

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I can't watch erotic law enforcement videos without snacks.

I need popcorn for my cop porn.

What's a Jehovah's Witness's favorite snack food?

Ding Dongs

To cut costs even more certain airlines will now only serve snacks to passengers on the left side of the plane.

Their justification is the passengers sitting on the right side are already F-E-D.

China have announced their new rage of meat free snacks.

"Not Poodle"

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An Indian and two Pakistanis sat on a Plane.

An Indian got a seat between two Pakistanis on a plane. Relaxing, he took his shoes off.

Soon enough, he got hungry.

"Hey, I'm going to get myself a snack. You guys want anything?" He asked the Pakistanis.

The man to his right said he would like a Coke.

"Of course." s...

Back in college, I could barely pay my bills, even having to choose between laundry detergent and a small breakfast snack.

Sometimes it was All or muffin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a prostitutes favourite snack?

Chewing Cum.

A teacher asks her class their favorite after school snacks.

“Decklyn,” the teacher calls to the new student in the back of the room, “what’s your favorite after school snack?”

“Nuts,” he replies.

“Very good,” the teacher replies. “What kind of nuts? Peanuts? Pine nuts?”

The boy shakes his head and answers, “Doughnuts.”

I have decided I wanted to be healthier so one of my new years resolutions is instead of snacking on processed and sugary foods I am just going to eat nuts instead.

The other is to come out to my parents.

Pushing a young sheep into a hostess snack...

Is a ram-a-lamb-a-ding-dong.

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What snack is made from Hobbit penis?

A hobnob

Why did the birds want a snack?

They were feeling a bit peckish.

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Why are companies who sell snacks sexist?

Cause they avoid trans fat

What do you call a really high ranking snack?

A popcorn colonel.

What does batman like to snack on?

Just-ice

What snack did the pirate bring to the Super Bowl party?

Chips Ahoy

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A little Texas joke

A young man in Oklahoma turns 21. Excited, he tells his father, “I want to finally go to Texas.”

His father warns, “Scooter, you’re a full-grown man, now. I can’t stop you from going to Texas. But I have to warn you… **EVERYTHING IS BIG IN TEXAS!** You can’t be prepared for how absolutely hug...

Why did the scientist eat photons after lunch?

He needed a light snack

I asked my lawyer friend how he keeps smuggling snacks into the courtroom during trial...

...He said, "Easy, I just keep them in my briefs."

What snack will you always find at a KKK rally?

Salty Crackers.

My girlfriend says I'm cheesy when I say I love her to much

So I asked her if I'm her snack that smiles back.

This is a real interaction and im very proud I came up with it on the spot.

What is a Guitarist's Favorite Snack?

String cheese.

What do lawyers eat for a snack?

Trial mix

In health a cop asked what to do if your brother was smoking weed while the parents left the house

I responded hide the snacks (he started cracking up)

What does the robot eat for a snack?

Computer chips

Told this joke every summer as a camp counselor; never failed

This cheerio works 9-5 at a factory doing the same mundane task every day of every year. One day, this smoking hot frosted cheerio walks in and the normal cheerio falls for her instantly. He walks up to her and says:

“Hey, want to grab something to eat later?” And she says:

“Actually,...

What snack would Rihanna eat when she's high?

Baked Brieanna

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did shaggy say when scooby accused him of eating all his scooby snacks?

"wasn't me"

What is Thanos' favourite vegetable to snack on?

Snap peas

What do Snack companies and Hiking Stores have in common?

They both sell you air.

A man, an ostrich and a cat walk into a bar...

A man, an ostrich and a cat walk into a bar, the barman is puzzled, but remains professional.

“What would you like gents?” The barman asks, “just a beer thanks” the man replies. “I’ll have a lemonade with a slice please” says the ostrich,”AND I’LL HAVE A F**KING RUM & COKE!” Shouts the ca...

I'm not going to snack any more in 2019

I'm also not going to snack any less though

What do you call the snack that reveals all the intel of the contents in your lunchbox?

Julian a sandwich

What do computers eat for snacks?

Micro-chips


(Discovered on a Firecracker Popsicle stick)

Whats A Pirates Favourite Snack?

Booty

What do you call a soviet brand snack

Dictato chips

Polar bear: Don't you just love these little igloo snacks...

Crunchy on the outside, soft and chewy on the inside.

I'm pretty sure my pet birds have been working together to steal my snacks at night.

I'm not 100% but I do suspect fowl play.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(Long) A guy driving a brand new convertible Corvette stops at a gas station to fill up on his inaugural drive

(This is my dad's favorite joke)


He gets out of the car, throws a hundred at the attendant to fill it and tells him to make sure not to scratch it, then goes inside to buy some snacks. While he's inside, an old hillbilly wearing an old tatter shirt with suspenders putters up to the gas st...

A trucker died in Ireland. A local snack entrepreneur gave a touching speech at the funeral.

“He was driving me nuts alright until the bloody car crash.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bartender seriously declared that, if he met someone with five heads, they would get every drink or snack for free.

One day, a male echidna comes waddling in and sits at the barstool.

“You the bartender who’ll let a guy with five heads eat and drink for free?” the echidna asked.

“Yes,” said the bartender, amused.

“So why aren’t you serving me?” asked the echidna.

“I only see one head, ...

A yak walks into a bar and orders a beer.

He asks the bartender, "Do you have any gluten free snacks to go with the beer?"

"Why do you think we would have gluten free snacks?", quips the bartender.

"I'm sorry, I'm a silly yak", says the yak.

Went to Costco to pick up some groceries. I am on the low carb diet but wanted something salty to snack on. Checked aisle by aisle for almonds or pistachios or cashews but they were all out.

Guess it is no nut November.

What is St. Paul's favorite snack?

Minneapples

What is Darth Vader's favorite snack?

(Breathe heavy for effect)

"Coooo-Keees"

A penguin has car trouble

He calls a tow truck and rides with the driver to a service station. Inside they also sell snacks, so he buys two ice cream sandwiches. He scarfs then both down and walks out to check on his car, neglecting to wipe his face. He asks the mechanic “what’s this issue?” The mechanic responds, “it looks ...

I found a hair in my Snack Pack.

It was off-pudding.

What is the official snack food of the Boston Red Sox and New England Patriots?

Cheat-o's

What do you call your partner when you're in an unhealthy relationship?

A snack

How do programmers like their snacks?

Byte-sized.

The snack companies of the world have announced the food Olympics for 2018.

Supposedly two of the events have an interesting relay-sun-chip.

What is a web developer's favorite snack?

Cookies

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between two policemen fucking in the back of their car and a cinema snack?

One is popcorn.

The other is cop porn.

I love eating glow worms

Especially as a light snack

What do you call a snake that eats too much candy

A snack

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

4-year-old's joke: What is a duck's favorite snack? Peanut butter (context in comments)

We told my four-year-old a joke: What is a duck's favorite snack? Quackers! HA!

He asked, "Quackers?" *confused* "Like, peanut butter and crackers?" "Sure, like peanut butter and crackers."

*runs into other room, calling his grandfather* "Pop Pop! What is a duck's favorite snack?...

Tide has some serious ad time during the superbowl this year

Must be able to afford it after cornering the teenage snack food market

I would take you to the movies

but they don’t allow snacks

I met up with my impersonal trainer today

We went to the gym,i stood there eating snacks and he worked out,then we said our farewells and parted ways.

"Travel Bags?" "Check" "Snacks?" "Check" "Going to a place in Europe?"

"Czech"

A man is at a party when he sees a Buddhist monk

As he is observing the monk, the lady behind him drops her phone, and he helps her by picking it up. After that, he begins moving over to the refreshments section, on his way he spots a drunk friend, for whom he calls an Uber home. Once his friend is safely away, he continues to amble over to the re...

What is Stephen Hawking's favorite snack?

His left shoulder

Scooby Doo taught me....

that if you smoke enough pot, your dog will talk and help you get snacks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into the bar with a monkey on his shoulder

He sits at the bar and orders a beer. As the bartender is pouring his beer the monkey jumps off his shoulder and proceeds to eat everything in sight.

He eats all the bowls of mixed nuts, eats all the popcorn, jumps over the bar and eats all the marschianno cherries and all the green olives. ...

One of my regulars came into my store to buy some snacks

He handed me a packet of nuts, I scanned them and said "So I guess I'll cashew later?"

This is a joke my very Catholic grandma used to tell me: A little boy was walking past the church when he dropped his snack of crackers and cheddar in a puddle...

Angry at his misfortune, he loudly cursed, "Jesus Christ, God Almighty!!" The priest overheard and exclaimed, "What did you say, young man? You know it's a great sin to take the Lord's name in vain!" The little boy looked around frantically and responded, "Umm, I said my cheese and crackers got all ...

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Have you not heard about the guy who drinks piss as a snack?

Urine for a treat.

U.S. vending machines to begin displaying calorie information to encourage smarter snack choices.

Machines’ reflective glass surface not doing the trick.

At snack time at a Catholic elementary school there was a tray of apples. A note beside them read "Take only ONE. God is watching." At the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note,

"Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

A recent study was conducted to find out why husbands get out of bed at night.

The results found that 5% were getting a snack, 10% percent were going to the toilet and the remaining 85% were going home.

how time flys

A group of 15 year old boys discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they would meet at the McDonald’s next to Captain Jack’s Seafood Grille because they only had six dollars among them, they could ride their bikes there, and Jennie Webster, that cute girl in Social Studies, lives ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I went to get a protein snack in Iraq...

But they only had fucking allahu akbars

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