I called my wife and told her that I'll pick up pizza and coke on the way back from work. But it seems she was not happy.

She still regrets letting me name the kids.

What the difference between Pizza and Musician?

A pizza can feed a family of 4.

I got the Grindr app mixed up with the Pizza Hut app

Either way, there’s a 10” vegetarian on the way and I’m not sure what to expect.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

sex is like pizza

Even when it’s bad, they still expect me to pay for it

r/atheism is like a pizza cutter

All edge with no point

The best pizza joke ever

Actually never mind it's too cheesy... That's the biggest problem with pizza jokes, it's all about the delivery…

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Making pizza is a lot like having sex...

If you’re going to use barbecue sauce, you better know what you’re doing.

What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?

Pizza won't cut itself.

Did you hear about the lobster that got a job at pizza hut?

He's working in the crust station.

What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery driver have in common?

They can both smell the goods but aren't allowed to eat them.

I just ordered a Chicago style pizza.

It started shooting as soon I opened the box.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I overheard my neighbor say she had a shitty day, so I anonymously sent her a meat lover’s pizza

She’s a vegan and I hate her fucking guts

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They served pizza at work today, and I finally understand the saying "pizza is like sex".

Because I didn't get any.

Did you hear about the guy who burnt his house down buy overcooking a Hawaiian pizza?

###He should have cooked it at aloha temperature...


I know where the door is.

TIL: if you push one pizza delivery man over, all the pizza delivery men fall over.

It's known as the domino's effect.

My kids were asking me how democracy works, so I let them vote on dinner as a teaching exercise.They picked pizza..

.. but I made tacos, because they don't live in a swing state.

What does a pregnant woman, a burnt pizza, and a frozen beer all have in common?

Some idiot forgot to pull it out in time.

My girlfriend and I bought a pizza to share and she got mad because I ate half.

Granted, it was the TOP half, but still…

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call it when the pizza boy shows up while you’re fucking a prostitute?

Food for thot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What are the main differences between weed, alcohol, pizza, vagina, an inexpensive car, candy, porn, video games, pointless arguments on the internet and a healthy workout routine?

Well it’s simple really. People that browse r/jokes can acquire weed, alcohol, pizza, an inexpensive car, candy, video games, and pointless arguments on the internet !

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pizza walks by two pancakes

Pancake: " Look at that bitch with all that make-up!"

A Blonde went to buy a Pizza, Chef asked her, would you like it cut into 4 or 8 slices.?

Blonde replied, 4 please.

There is no way I could possibly eat 8 slices.

What is Homer Simpson's favorite part of a pizza?

The D'oh!



This one occurred to me while I was making pizza today. Yeah, clearly I'm 6...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So my girlfriend told me we could watch a porno for my birthday and do everything that we saw in the video

I was so freaking excited, until she fucked the pizza guy. :(

If you drop a piece of bread and Pizza from a roof, which of them will hit the ground first?

The pizza, because it is a fast food.

What type of pizza did the twin towers order?

Plain

How much did Walter White charge Skyler for the pizza?

Nothing. It was on the house

Why are Dubstep musicians so bad at making pizza?

Because they always drop the base!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a spicy pizza haunted by Japanese demons?

A pepper oni pizza

Why was the pizza shop constantly vandalised?

It was owned by Germans

I asked the bank for a loan to open a "pizza delivery by drone" business.

They refused. Said my business case was just pie in the sky.

Why do people put "draw me something funny on the inside of the pizza box" in the Other Requests box?

Because they know the pizza place is gonna be filled with art majors anyhow.

A blonde orders a pizza delivery over the phone.

"Would you like your pizza cut into eight pieces, or ten?" asks the voice on the other end.

"Eight, please," replies the blonde.

When the pizza comes, the blonde notices that the pizza has been mistakenly cut into ten pieces. "Hey!" she says. "I asked for my pizza to be cut into eight ...

What's a dog's favorite kind if pizza?

Pupperoni

A pizza had a bad dream

It was a night marinara

Want to hear a joke about pizza?

Nevermind, its too cheesy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman goes to a grocery store to grab a few things.

She brings her basket to the checkout counter and begins to offload it. She has a half gallon of milk, some apples, a frozen pizza, a pint of ice cream, a loaf of bread, a box of pasta, some canned tomatoes, and some aluminum foil.

The clerk, looking over the assortment of items as he rings h...

The difference between a stupid person and a pizza

One is easy to cheat, the other is cheesy to eat.

Pizzas topped with German sausage..

.. Are the wurst.

From my 13 yr old son. What do you call a pizza in the shape of a cookie?

A pizza

What could be the favorite pizza of a dog?

Pupper-runi pizza.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

PIZZA GUY: Your total is $26.34

**ME:** I can’t afford that

**PIZZA GUY:** Well you’ll have to pay some other way.

**ME: [takes out wallet]** Wait I forgot I had 30 dollars.

**PORN DIRECTOR:** Cut! The fuck are you doing?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s good on pizza and not on pussy

Crust

What do you call pizza that's good for your teeth?

Stuffed-Crest pizza.

My mother advised me not to marry an electrician

"Don't marry an electrician, he will take late night calls and plug himself into other women", my mother warned me.

"Don't marry a plumber either", she continued, "he will work on weekends and do other women's pipes".

"Don't marry a pizza boy neither. He will work on Friday nights and...

1000 Pizzas

a guy walk into the pizzaria and ask: hello, do you have 1000 pizzas? the staff tell him: nope. day after he come back to the pizzaria and says: hey do you guys have 1000 pizzas? the staff tell him. sorry no. 1 day after the staff makes 1000 pizza and the guy come and ask: hey. you guys have 1000 pi...

What do you call a pizza with no toppings?

Mushroom for improvement

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Italian and a Greek are hanging out

An Italian and a Greek are having an argument. Each is trying to one up the other.

Greek: Greeks do everything better than Italians. Did you know that Hawaiian pizza was invented by a Greek.

Italian: Sex too was invented by Greeks, but it was Italians that introduced women to it!

Knock knock

Who's there?

Pizza

Pizza who?

Pizza cake for my cake day!

A football player was famished after a big game, so he ordered a large pizza.

The server asked him if he wanted it cut into 8 or 10 pieces. He said, "Just eight thanks, I'm hungry but I don't think I could eat ten."

The salty pizza

Mr. Jones is sleeping after a wild night from his friends retirement party.

In the morning his wife comes and wakes him, but he refuses but she still forces him to wake up and ask him,

Mrs Jones: Honey, its strange I ordered pizza last night and ate half of it and kept the other half i...

I ate 3.14 pizzas today, you know what I got?

I got fat!
What, did you expect a pi joke?

wood fired pizza.

where will pizza get a job now?

The Dalai Lama enters a pizza shop

And asks: “ can you make me one with everything?”

Can you out Pizza the Hut?

Yes, but only by Dominos effect

(Sorry for the horrendous pun)

My sister goes to the pizza place

The pizza guy asks: "would you want me to cut your pizza in 4 or 12 pieces.

She said: Please only 4, I can't eat 12 pieces all alone.

A man tried to start a fight by throwing dough, shredded cheese, and tomato sauce at me.

So I said, “You wanna pizza me?”

I’m so thankful for the people who deliver pizza

I’ve always hated liver!

How did the hipster burn his mouth?

He ate pizza before it was cool

I hate how you can accidentally make a person but can’t accidentally make a pizza.

I mean who decided that, huh?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does Zeus make terrible pizza?

Because he doesn’t know when to pull out...

I was eating pizza before pizza was cool.

I never seem to learn.

You order one pizza and you love it

You order one pizza and you love it. Next time you order a pizza and a garlic bread. Before you know it, you're eating pizzas for every meal and you get withdrawal symptoms if you don't get one...

That's the domino effect...

Name’s Juan

Names Juan. A few years ago I’d been living with my girlfriend in her apartment. I’ve been into video games since I was a kid and never took a real interest in learning practical things like how to hit a nail with a hammer. Girlfriend and I met in college and since graduating and moving in together ...

A man calls Pizza hut to order a pizza

CALLER: Is this #PizzaHut?

GOOGLE:No sir, it's Google Pizza

CALLER: Sorry, I have Dailed wrong number

GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.

CALLER:Ok, I would like to order a pizza

GOOGLE:Do you want your usual, sir?

CALLER: My usual? You know ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Your sign outside says 3 strippers for 4.99... We talking topless or fully nude?"

"Sir this is Dominoes pizza. They're chicken strippers."

"Ok ok, now the price makes sense... How long is each dance?"

How do you get a drummer off your porch?

Pay for the pizza.

What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?
Homeless

Have you tell if the stage Riser is even?
Drool is coming out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.

What's the difference between a drummer and a percussionist?
Evolution, the percussionist ha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend said that we will do something from a porn video for you birthday.

I didn't like it when she started to fuck the pizza delivery guy.

So my dad stabbed a pizza box

Now i undrrstand why its called little caesar's

A Man ask's his friend how he could understand women

The Friend Replies:
Well if you understand why a pizza is made into a circle, packed into a square box, and eaten as a triangle, then my friend, you will understand women.

Making a deep dish pizza is surprisingly super easy!

It's a pizza cake!

Where did the pizza and tennis racquet get married?

At the supreme court

What do Mexicans use to cut there pizza?

Little Caesars.

The new CEO

A particularily large manufactuing company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them k...

Don't make a decision before you have studied all its aspects ! Don't make a decision when you are angry !

An iron company manager, while touring the company noticed a young man leaning against the wall and doing nothing.

He approached him and said softly, "How much is your salary?"

The young man was calm and surprised by the personal question.

He answered, "2500 dollars a month, sir...

How do you get a drummer off your porch?

Pay him for the pizza.

How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizza?

Deep, and crisp, and even.


Terrible. But hadn’t seen this in a while. Thought I’d bring it back for 2020.

Scientists Invent Machine That Can Ruin Any Pizza

It's called a microwave.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A father of 3 and one of his sons were cooking pizza

They put the pizza in the oven and waited

When the timer went off, the father went to pull it out when the son said “Let me pull it out.”

The father then said “You shouldn’t, it’s really hot.”

The son replied “Dad, you have 3 children, I don’t trust you to pull out.”

[Dumb] What do you call someone who cuts pizza with a machete?

Chasin Fourcheese

Lost my pizza cutter. So I used my Bryan Adam’s CD.

It cuts like a knife

A quarterback was being interviewed only moments before the start of the game. The reporter had 3 quick questions: "Your favorite pizza? Your favorite Star Wars character? Your favorite non-football activity?"

His answers were just as brief:

"Hut, Hutt, Hike!"

What is the most popular flavour of pizza in the hood during a drive-by?

Peppered homie

What kind of pizzas did Good King Wenceslas like?

Ones that were 'deep & crisp & even'

What is an epileptic's favorite pizza place?

Little Seizures

Did you hear Mike Tyson was just arrested for nearly beating a Pizza Hut waitress to death?

As he was finishing eating, she asked "Hey, mister, you wanna box for the rest of your pizza?"

The Dalai Lama walks in to a pizza shop

He asks "Can you make me one with everything?"

He hands over $50, and the shopkeeper gives him his pizza, but no change.

"Where's my change?" asks the Dalai Lama

"Change comes from within"

What's the difference between a cop and a pizza guy?

The pizza guy faces consequences when his job is done wrong.

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie that’s amore

When you suddenly squeal 'cause you stepped on an eel that’s a moray!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Knock knock. "Who's there?" Pizza. "Pizza who?"

Pete's a fucking asshole. He promised me that he would cover my shifts during this outbreak, but apparently we weren't eligible for government benefits due to some shady shit in his past. So instead of handling it like a GOOD ~~manager~~ HUMAN BEING, he decides to double up my shifts. Which, of cour...

What did the retired priest call his pizza shop?

Cheesus Crust

I told my wife to make me a pizza.

Because goddamnit I don’t wanna be a human anymore.

Covid-19 has damaged the Italian economy so much that they have placed a lien on the Tower of Pizza.

Sounds better verbally

Why do pizza places always deliver the pizza before giving it to you

They should just avoid putting the liver in the first place

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.