You order one pizza and you love it. Next time you order a pizza and a garlic bread. Before you know it, you're eating pizzas for every meal and you get withdrawal symptoms if you don't get one...

That's the domino effect...

You're fired!

A company hired a new CEO. This boss wanted to get rid all of the slackers.

One day, he saw a young man against the wall. He wanted to prove himself that he meant business.
The CEO walked up to the man and asked, "How much do you make a week?"

The man replied"$200 a week. Why?"
<...

What did the doctor say when the pregnant woman gave birth to a frozen pizza?

It's not delivery, it's DiGiorno!

Pizza Google

A man calls Pizza Hut:

--Hello, Pizza Hut?

--No, sir. Pizza Google

--Oh, sorry. Wrong number..

--No sir, it's the correct number, it's just that Google bought Pizza Hut

--Oh... okay, so... take my order, please

--Same as always?

--And how do you know ...

What's the difference between a pizza and a baby?

A pizza doesn't scream when you put it into the oven.

I made a frozen pizza this morning. I took off the shrink wrap on the pizza and noticed it had some small holes in it where the frozen cheese had stabbed through.

That was some sharp cheddar.

How does Jesus cook his pizza?

On High

I saw a sign that said "Wood Fired Pizza" and thought

Wood fired pizza? How's pizza gonna get a job now?

(Joke by CallMeCarson)

The tough CEO

A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business!


The CEO ...

Q. What do a gynecologist and a pizza boy have in common?

A. They can both smell it, but they can't eat it!

What do a frozen beer, a burnt pizza, and a pregnant woman have in common?

Some jackass forgot to take it out in time.

Burnt my Hawaiian pizza today...

Should of put it on aloha temperature

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My nephew told me when he grows up, he wants to be a pizza delivery guy, or a pool skimmer.

I need to tell my bro to do a better job at hiding his porn.

Woodfired Pizza?

How's pizza gonna get a job now?

A man walks into a pizza shop and the guy behind the counter is the Dalai Lama...

...The guy, incredulous, says, “Your Holiness, you run a pizza shop?!”

The Dalai Lama replies, “Yes, I’ve always said that work is good for the spirit”.

The guy replies “I see,” then thinks for a moment and says, “Can you make me one with everything?”

How can u tell ur cannibal pizza is done?

The raw pizzas try to eat it

What do epileptic children have in common with cheap pizza?

Little Seizures

I just ordered a pizza and was asked if I wanted it cut into 8 slices or 12.

I said 8 please, I couldn't possibly eat 12.

Do you wanna hear a pizza joke?

Never mind it's a little too cheesy.

(Offensive) I used to work in a Pizza Shop

I had to quit though, because I was tired of smelling Jewish... on account of the ovens.

Dali llama walked into a pizza shop and said......

Can you make me one with everything?

Good King Wenceslas phoned Domino's for a pizza...

^(The salesgirl asked him: Do you want your usual?, deep pan, crisp and even?)

Write the expression for the volume of a thick pizza with height "a" and radius "z".

*pi * z * z * a*

A pizza slice walks into a bar asking for a drink

The bartender says:
"Sorry, we don't serve food here"

What's the difference between a teacher at a public shool and a large pizza?

The pizza can feed a family of 4.

What did the man say after eating a frozen pizza?

That wasn't well thawed out.

Today, a friend of mine had to go to the hospital because he ate a pizza.

*My* pizza.

I had to start deliverin pizzas

Cause i knead the dough

How do Mexicans cut their pizzas?

with little caesars

Man: "Can I have a pizza with liver and onions."

Dominos: "We don't do liver."

Man with hand over the phone whispering to his wife, "I thought you said they do the liver?"

Wife: "I said they do deliver."

Man: "Not according to this guy."

Domino’s pizza has just opened a chain of VD clinics!

It’s for after you’ve had the hots with the box with the dots....

What do a pizza delivery boy and a gynecologist see every day?

The yeasty crust.

Why is ordering a pizza harder than having a kid?

You can't accidentally order a pizza

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tits are like pizza...

...It doesn't matter what size, they're all good.

What’s the popes favorite pizza?

Popperoni

My friend and I ordered pizza last night.

I got my piece, and she got herpes.

I have only one thing to say to the people of New York...

It's a pizza, not a freaking taco, ya goobers, sheesh.

From my 11yo son: "What's a pizza's favorite number?"

One Sicillion.

Why couldn’t the owner of the pizza joint retire?

He kneaded the dough.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You’re a pizza.

A pizza shit.

What does a Italian child use to cut their pizza?

Little Caesar's

Music producers are basically like a pizza business.

They both make dough from mixers.

A blonde ordered a pizza. The clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.

The blonde answered, "Oh! six. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Did you hear about the new emo pizza?

It cuts itself!

My wife told me that I remind her of a pizza

I asked if it was because I was so cheesy but she said, "no, it's because I want you to go"

What does a McChicken, a whopper, a beefy 5-layer burrito, and an extra most bestest pizza have in common?

They've all seen me naked.

Pizza

Give a homeless guy a pizza and he will eat for a day, teach him how to make a pizza and he will be like "wtf dude, I don't have a kitchen!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The other day I beat my son at dominos.

I was going to wait till we got home, but the little shit dropped the pizza.

Absolutely livid. I bought a Hawaiian pizza for lunch and I've just burned it.

Should've cooked it on aloha temperature.

A Blonde orders a pizza

and the man taking the order asks, "Do you want it cut into 6 slices or 12?"

The Blonde replies, "You better make it 6; I could never eat 12."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex is like pizza

When it's good, it's good. When it's bad....it's still pretty good.

What's the difference between a pizza and a hippie chick?

You don't peel the crust off the pizza before you eat it

I burned 2,000 calories today...

I forgot to take the pizza out of the oven.

Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, and her brother Bill are at Mulder's house party. They all gather around a pizza box with only 3 slices left.

SCULLY: Mulder, there isn't enough for each of us to have two. You'll have to share.

MULDER: I want two. Bill, leave.

What is the difference between a freshly made pizza and a hungry jungle tiger?

One tastes delicious to you and you taste delicious to one.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

PIZZA GUY: You’re total is $26.34

GIRL: I can’t afford that

PIZZA GUY: Well you’ll have to pay some other way

GIRL : [takes out wallet] Wait I forgot I had 30 dollars

PORN DIRECTOR: Cut

Sauce : Twitter

I like my jokes like I like my Chuck E Cheese pizza.

Recycled.

What makes a good pizza joke?

It’s all in the delivery

There are 2 pizzas in the oven

The first pizza says " aaaaah, it's hot in here!"

The second pizza says " aaaaaaah, a talking pizza!!!"

What do you call having pizza for breakfast, lunch, and dinner?

Regret

My dog just jumped on my pizza...

... guess it’s cheese and pupperoni now.

Julius Caesar ordered pizza for the senate at Theatre of Pompey

Casca: How could you not order enough pizza for everyone?

Julius: But there was enough for everybody to have a slice...

Brutus: I ate 2 slices.

Julius: ATE TWO, BRUTE?

What’s the most important part of telling a pizza joke?

It’s not delivery, it’s DiGiorno

What pizza did the twin towers order?

Two plains

I had a joke about pizza, but...

The punch line was simply too unpredictable.

I ordered a pizza from a new store close to me and it was covered in oil.

Expected Italy; got grease.

r/darkjokes is like a pizza cutter

All edge and no point

What's an epileptic's least favorite pizza?

Lil seizures

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear? They opened a pizza place in the Vatican!

It’s called Cheesus Crust.

They only use Swiss cheese Because it’s so holy.

Their most famous topping is pope-peroni.

They’re really famous for their dough.
It takes three days to rise.

They only serve seeded olives.
Because they’re afraid of the pit.

Their...

What gyneacologists and pizza delivery guys have in common?

Both can sniff it,but cant taste it.

Gatti's Pizza has declared bankruptcy.

They're all out of dough!

Who is the patron saint of Pizza and Bread?

Jesus Crust

What do you say when a pizza un-makes itself?

I was going to say "It's no longer kneaded", but then I realized how cheesy this joke is.

Making pizza is like smoking weed

You need dough to get baked

How is an ambulance like pizza delivery?

If they're late it ends up cold.
(Been at least a month since this one made the rounds).

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I never tip the cute pizza delivery drivers and always complain that they're rude, even when they're nice...

That way, I know I'm fucking them.

I just watched a broke, fat dude lick pizza grease from his shirt for 10 minutes straight.

I need to stop eating in front of the mirror.

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