My pizza is burnt, my beer is frozen, and my girlfriend is pregnant...

...I can’t pull anything out in time!

What do a pizza delivery guy and a gynecologist have in common?

They both can smell it but can't eat it.

What did the Buddhist say to the man at the pizza shop?

"Make me one with everything."

Today, a friend of mine had to go to the hospital because he ate a pizza.

*My* pizza.

What do a pizza delivery boy and a gynecologist see every day?

The yeasty crust.

Why couldn’t the owner of the pizza joint retire?

He kneaded the dough.

Music producers are basically like a pizza business.

They both make dough from mixers.

A Buddhist walks into a buddhist pizza shop,

He walks in and says "make me One With Everything"

When the pizza is ready he picks it up and says "What about my change?" The Buddist Pizza Shop owner replies, "Change Comes From Within"

What does a Italian child use to cut their pizza?

Little Caesar's

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

You’re a pizza.

A pizza shit.

Why is ordering a pizza harder than having a kid?

You can't accidentally order a pizza

From my 11yo son: "What's a pizza's favorite number?"

One Sicillion.

Did you hear about the new emo pizza?

It cuts itself!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Sex is like pizza

When it's good, it's good. When it's bad....it's still pretty good.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Tits are like pizza...

...It doesn't matter what size, they're all good.

What’s the difference between a musician and a pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of 4...

A Blonde orders a pizza

and the man taking the order asks, "Do you want it cut into 6 slices or 12?"

The Blonde replies, "You better make it 6; I could never eat 12."

Pizza

Give a homeless guy a pizza and he will eat for a day, teach him how to make a pizza and he will be like "wtf dude, I don't have a kitchen!"

A blonde ordered a pizza. The clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.

The blonde answered, "Oh! six. I could never eat twelve pieces."

What does a McChicken, a whopper, a beefy 5-layer burrito, and an extra most bestest pizza have in common?

They've all seen me naked.

What's the volume of a pizza with a radius of z and a thickness of a?

Pi * z * z * a

A dumb guy calls to yell at the pizza man at his local shop.

“I got this pizza delivered and I specifically asked to have the pie cut into six slices. This pie is cut in eight slices!”

​

“What’s the big deal?” the pizza man wondered.

​

“There is no way I’ll be able to eat all these!” the man yelled.

&am...

What pizza did the twin towers order?

Two plains

What makes a good pizza joke?

It’s all in the delivery

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The other day I beat my son at dominos.

I was going to wait till we got home, but the little shit dropped the pizza.

I burned 2,000 calories today...

I forgot to take the pizza out of the oven.

My wife told me that I remind her of a pizza

I asked if it was because I was so cheesy but she said, "no, it's because I want you to go"

What's the difference between a pizza and a hippie chick?

You don't peel the crust off the pizza before you eat it

What is the difference between a freshly made pizza and a hungry jungle tiger?

One tastes delicious to you and you taste delicious to one.

My dog just jumped on my pizza...

... guess it’s cheese and pupperoni now.

What do you call having pizza for breakfast, lunch, and dinner?

Regret

Julius Caesar ordered pizza for the senate at Theatre of Pompey

Casca: How could you not order enough pizza for everyone?

Julius: But there was enough for everybody to have a slice...

Brutus: I ate 2 slices.

Julius: ATE TWO, BRUTE?

Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, and her brother Bill are at Mulder's house party. They all gather around a pizza box with only 3 slices left.

SCULLY: Mulder, there isn't enough for each of us to have two. You'll have to share.

MULDER: I want two. Bill, leave.

Absolutely livid. I bought a Hawaiian pizza for lunch and I've just burned it.

Should've cooked it on aloha temperature.

There are 2 pizzas in the oven

The first pizza says " aaaaah, it's hot in here!"

The second pizza says " aaaaaaah, a talking pizza!!!"

What’s the most important part of telling a pizza joke?

It’s not delivery, it’s DiGiorno

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

PIZZA GUY: You’re total is $26.34

GIRL: I can’t afford that

PIZZA GUY: Well you’ll have to pay some other way

GIRL : [takes out wallet] Wait I forgot I had 30 dollars

PORN DIRECTOR: Cut

Sauce : Twitter

I like my jokes like I like my Chuck E Cheese pizza.

Recycled.

I had a joke about pizza, but...

The punch line was simply too unpredictable.

What's an epileptic's least favorite pizza?

Lil seizures

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Did you hear? They opened a pizza place in the Vatican!

It’s called Cheesus Crust.

They only use Swiss cheese Because it’s so holy.

Their most famous topping is pope-peroni.

They’re really famous for their dough.
It takes three days to rise.

They only serve seeded olives.
Because they’re afraid of the pit.

Their...

What gyneacologists and pizza delivery guys have in common?

Both can sniff it,but cant taste it.

Who is the patron saint of Pizza and Bread?

Jesus Crust

Gatti's Pizza has declared bankruptcy.

They're all out of dough!

Making pizza is like smoking weed

You need dough to get baked

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I never tip the cute pizza delivery drivers and always complain that they're rude, even when they're nice...

That way, I know I'm fucking them.

I like my women like I like my pizza cheese

Greased up and extra thick.

I just watched a broke, fat dude lick pizza grease from his shirt for 10 minutes straight.

I need to stop eating in front of the mirror.

How is an ambulance like pizza delivery?

If they're late it ends up cold.
(Been at least a month since this one made the rounds).

What do you say when a pizza un-makes itself?

I was going to say "It's no longer kneaded", but then I realized how cheesy this joke is.

Why are pizzas circular?

So there's enough to go around.

Nothing is better than infinite happiness; a pizza is better than nothing

Therefore a pizza is better than infinite happiness

My girlfriend told me she would love me to be a pizza delivery guy

I asked her why and she said she wants a guy that comes in 30 minutes instead of 5.

What's the difference between a person and a pizza?

Pizzas don't scream when you put them in the oven.

I like my women like my Little Caesar’s pizza

Hot and ready

How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizza?

Deep pan, crisp and even

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Sex is just like pizza

If you're using BBQ sauce you better know what the heck you're doing

I just got a free meal in Pizza Hut.

They do it for everyone who jumps out of the toilet window and runs away.

I told the guy at the counter at Domino's that I wanted a pizza.

He said, "What would you like on top of that?"

I said, "Nothing, just the pizza."

I murdered the pizza delivery man for messing up my order and had to cover it up.

I ordered another pizza to calm my nerves and the second delivery man noticed the body, so I had to kill him too. Now I feel even more nervous so I ordered yet another pizza. I think it’s starting to become a domino effect.

You order one pizza

You love it.

Next time you order a pizza and a garlic bread.

Before you know it, your eating pizzas for every meal, and you get withdrawal symptoms if you don't get one.

That's the domino effect.

What does a burned pizza, a frozen beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?

An idiot who forgot to take it out on time.

I can't put anymore toppings on my pizza...

There's not mushroom

What's the difference between a pizza box and a bladder?

You feel better when your bladder is empty.

I started working for a pizza company

I don't enjoy it, I just knead the dough

A new CEO takes over at a struggling company and decides to get rid of all the slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. He can't believe this guy would just stand around on the job. The new CEO walks up to the guy leaning against the wall and asks, "What are you doing here?" "I'm just waiting to get paid," responds the man. Furious, the CEO asks "H...

Q: What do you call a Satanist who only eats low-carb pizza?

ʇsnɹɔ-ᴉʇu∀ ǝɥ┴ :∀

How does Thanos like his pizza?

perfectly balanced, as all pizzas should be.

How do you get an art major off your front porch?

Pay for the pizza!

A pizza guy enters an obesity clinic and says

A pizza guy enters an obesity clinic and says, "I have 15 meat lover pizzas with extra cheese."
The nurse at the receptionist desk angrily asks him, "Why would you come here and mock our patients?"
The pizza guy defensively answers, "It's just what the doctor ordered!"

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner.

They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.

My friend who works as a pizza chef apparently gets paid well

He told me he's making dough.

What’s the difference between a music major and 2 large pizzas?

The pizzas can feed a family.

Did you hear about the guy who wanted to sell pizza on airplanes?

It was a pie in the sky idea

On walking into the company, the CEO noticed a young guy leaning Against the wall

On walking into the company, the CEO noticed a young guy leaning Against the wall, doing nothing. He approached the young man and calmly said to him, “How much do you earn?”

The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal question, he replied, none the less, “I earn Rs.25,000...

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