I just burnt my Hawaiian pizza

I guess I should have put it on aloha temperature

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

PIZZA GUY: Your total is $26.34

**ME:** I can’t afford that

**PIZZA GUY:** Well you’ll have to pay some other way.

**ME: [takes out wallet]** Wait I forgot I had 30 dollars.

**PORN DIRECTOR:** Cut! The fuck are you doing?

What's the difference between a cop and a pizza guy?

The pizza guy faces consequences when his job is done wrong.

I called my wife and told her that I'll pick up pizza and coke on the way back from work. But it seems she was not happy.

She still regrets letting me name the kids.

How is a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery guy the same?

They can smell it, but they can’t eat it.

I like how my local pizza place cuts my pizza into 6 slices instead of 8

I can't finish 8 slices

Wood fired pizza

How will pizza get a job now?

What part of a pizza and a woman do you not eat?

The crust

What's the difference between a slice of pizza and a hippie?

You don't have to take the crust off of a slice of pizza before you eat it.

What's the difference between an English Major and a Pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of 4.

I would tell a joke about Pizza

But it would be too *cheesy*

What is the best thing to put in a pizza?


Why did Jabba win the pizza contest?

Because no one outpizzas the Hutt.

I'm like Domino's Pizza.

If I don't come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.

What is Homer Simpson’s favorite part of a pizza?

The Doh.

The Dalai Lama goes to a pizza shop

And asks the chef to make him one with everything

What kinda person doesn’t like pizza?

A weirdough.

The difference between a bad pizza joke and a good one...

is the delivery!

Henry orders pizza

Henry orders a whole pizza

Waiter: How many pizza slices? 6 or 8 slices?

Henry: Just 6! I might not be able to finish 8 slices.

A man has been found dead at the pizza parlour

He was covered in ham, pineapple, onions, mushrooms, bell pepper, ground beef, pepperoni and four cheeses.

Police are saying he topped himself.

I had a really bad day today. I found out my girlfriend is pregnant, lost a bunch of money in some stocks, and burnt a pizza.

My pull out game weak.

What do you call it when pizza gives you the runs?


Coronavirus patients start pizza and pancake diet

"It's all we can slide under the door!" Says doctor.

How does good king Wenceslas like his pizza?

Deep pan, crisp and even.

Why did the topping leave the pizza dough?

Because it was too kneady!

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner.

They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.

Why did the man go into the pizza business?

He wanted to make some dough.

Why don’t Macedonians like pizza?

Too much Greece.

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Pizza is a lot like sex.

When it’s good, it’s REALLY good.

But when it’s bad...

...well, it’s still pretty damn good.

(Sorry it’s old. Heard it a long time ago and haven’t seen it here)

You guys wanna hear a joke about pizza?

Nevermind it's too cheesy.

Dad's ordering a pizza at 11:58 in 1 B.C

Jesus Christ you're a millenia late.

What did Palpatine say to the intern when they asked how many pizzas they needed for his birthday party?

"Order 66!"

After a long hard day my wife asked to cook her an Hawaiian pizza!

She wasn’t to happy to see i’d burnt her dinner, after all I should’ve cooked it on aloha temperature!

A man calls his doctor because he suspects he has Corona

They discuss his symptoms and conclude that he indeed has the disease.

Doctor: you will need to start the 3P diet.

Man: the 3P diet? What's that?

Doctor: pizza, pancakes, and panini

Man: but doctor, why?

Doctor: because they fit under the door

Chicago style pizza changes you

I use to like New York style pizza

Till I tasted Chicago style pizza

Now, I love New York style pizza

How do you get a philosophy major off of your front porch?

Pay him for the pizza.

Everytime a pizza man has come to the door they've noticed the smell of the last pizza man and thus I've had to kill them.

An unfortunate Domino effect.

Pizza Google

A man calls Pizza Hut:

--Hello, Pizza Hut?

--No, sir. Pizza Google

--Oh, sorry. Wrong number..

--No sir, it's the correct number, it's just that Google bought Pizza Hut

--Oh... okay, so... take my order, please

--Same as always?

--And how do you know ...

... a Buddhist Monk goes into a Zen pizza parlor & says, "Make me one with everything."

The Zen Monk goes, "very funny... that'll be $16."
The Buddhist gives him a $20 bill.
The Zen monk puts it in the till and walks off.
The Buddhist monk says, "Hey where's my change?"
The Zen monk calls back, "Change comes from within."

A man walks into a pizza parlor.

He orders a pizza and the cashier asks him if he wants his pizza cut into 6 slices or 8. To which the man replies "Oh only 6, I couldn't eat 8!"

Today, a friend of mine had to go to the hospital because he ate a pizza.

*My* pizza.

The pizza was waiting in the stomach..

The pizza was waiting in the stomach to be digested, then suddenly a whiskey came along.

Pizza thought, "Ok. I'll let him pass, there's no hurry."

Two minutes later another whiskey comes by and pizza lets him pass too, but two minutes later when the next one got there, pizza stopped hi...

What do you call a pizza place for epileptics?

Little Seizures

How does a Mexican cut his pizza?

With little ceasers.

You order one pizza and you love it. Next time you order a pizza and a garlic bread. Before you know it, you're eating pizzas for every meal and you get withdrawal symptoms if you don't get one...

That's the domino effect...

Someone important came to my house. I tried to make him a pizza with pineapples out of spite, but I burned it.

I should have put it on aloha temperature.

My local pizza place is struggling to stay afloat

They really knead the dough

How do you determine the volume of a pizza?

Well, it’s basically a very flat cylinder. Let’s give it a random radius “z” and an arbitrary height “a”.

The volume of a cylinder is 3.14 x radius squared x height.


Just a joke I remembered from math class way back in the day.

A 17-year-old boy who works part time at Pizza Hut drives up to park in front of his house in a beautiful Porche

Naturally, his parents know that there’s no way he earned enough with his after-school job to buy such a car.
“Where did you get that car?” his mom and dad screamed in shock.

“I bought it today,” replied the teen calmly.

“With what money young man?” his mom demands. “We know how mu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My nephew told me when he grows up, he wants to be a pizza delivery guy, or a pool skimmer.

I need to tell my bro to do a better job at hiding his porn.

A mummified macaroni pizza was uncovered in Italy today.

The man who uncovered it says "It's a pizza of our pasta."

I wish I were good at telling pizza jokes

But I always botch the DiGiorno

what do you call a pit stop that sells crabs and pizza?

a crust station

What's worse than finding a centipede in your pizza?

Finding half a centipede in your pizza

What’s the difference between my puns & pizza...?

My puns can’t be topped.

What did the doctor say when the pregnant woman gave birth to a frozen pizza?

It's not delivery, it's DiGiorno!

I saw a sign that said "Wood Fired Pizza" and thought

Wood fired pizza? How's pizza gonna get a job now?

(Joke by CallMeCarson)

A man walks into a pizza shop and the guy behind the counter is the Dalai Lama...

...The guy, incredulous, says, “Your Holiness, you run a pizza shop?!”

The Dalai Lama replies, “Yes, I’ve always said that work is good for the spirit”.

The guy replies “I see,” then thinks for a moment and says, “Can you make me one with everything?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tits are like pizza...

...It doesn't matter what size, they're all good.

What do you call a sleepy father getting pizza for his kid?

Papa Yawns

Did you hear about the guy who took a second job as a pizza chef?

He kneaded the dough

I made a frozen pizza this morning. I took off the shrink wrap on the pizza and noticed it had some small holes in it where the frozen cheese had stabbed through.

That was some sharp cheddar.

What's the difference between a pizza and a baby?

A pizza doesn't scream when you put it into the oven.

An American is in Italian prison

"How'd you get here?" his cellmate asks.

"Well," he replies, "I went to go visit that famous leaning tower and then decided to get a slice of fresh pizza. I sit down and the server comes to take my order. I asked what's good and the server went down the list. Neapolitan, Giuseppe, Pugliese, N...

A man is in a car with his friends and decides to stop by a pizza restaurant. Outside he sees a sign that says “wood fired pizza.”

And then the man said “Wood fired pizza? How’s the pizza gonna get a job now?”

What do epileptic children have in common with cheap pizza?

Little Seizures

How does Jesus cook his pizza?

On High

(Offensive) I used to work in a Pizza Shop

I had to quit though, because I was tired of smelling Jewish... on account of the ovens.

A Zen monk enters a Pizza Hut...

...the employee says "Welcome to Pizza Hut, Sir! What kind of pizza do you want?"

The monk thinks about it and says "Can you make me one with everything?"

What’s a pirate’s favourite food?

Pizza, it always comes in pieces o’ eight.

A pizza slice walks into a bar asking for a drink

The bartender says:
"Sorry, we don't serve food here"

Three Marines sitting in a bar...

The first guy says, "This is great but, back home in Chicago we have a bar called Tony's. When you buy a pizza and pitcher of beer, Tony buys you your second pitcher of beer!"

They all agree Tony's sounds great. The second guy said, "That's nothin. Back in California we have a bar called J...

Write the expression for the volume of a thick pizza with height "a" and radius "z".

*pi * z * z * a*

How can u tell ur cannibal pizza is done?

The raw pizzas try to eat it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A redditor with three sons remarries

The boys have never had a step mother before. So they spend 19 hours researching pornhub, to learn how step mother/son relationships work. When their father goes to work the next day, the first son starts furiously jerking off with his bedroom door wide open. His new mother sees him, screams, and r...

Accountant: So you didn’t have traditional income most of the year but your investments and holdings still earned you $9,000,000

**Papa John:**

**Accountant:** 831,000 pizzas. You’ll owe about $2,800,000 in taxes

**Papa John:** And that's...

**Accountant:** *(sighs)* 258,000 pizzas

I had to start deliverin pizzas

Cause i knead the dough

What did the man say after eating a frozen pizza?

That wasn't well thawed out.

How did the hipster burn his mouth?

He ate the pizza before it was cool.

What's a dog favorite type of pizza?


A North American Elk walks into a pizzeria...

A North American Elk walks into a pizzeria and sits at an empty table while he waits for the waiter. The waiter hands him a menu and the Elk ponders for a bit. He's not really in the mood for pizza, so he narrows it down to pasta. The Elk is finally ready to order, so he calls for the waiter. The wa...

I'm done with dating sites

I'm only dating pizza delivery guys because at least I know they have a car, a job and, pizza

Absolutely livid. I bought a Hawaiian pizza for lunch and I've just burned it.

Should've cooked it on aloha temperature.

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A Single Man Goes Up to The Check Out

He places a pizza for one. Bottle of coke and a block of chocolate on the counter.

The cashier says "Single Huh?"

The man laughs and replies 'hah yeah how could you tell?'

The cashier "Well, because your fucking ugly"

What do a pizza delivery boy and a gynecologist see every day?

The yeasty crust.

Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?

He pasta way.

We cannoli do so much.

His legacy will become a pizza history.

Two fossils are hanging out and eating at a bar

Fossil one: Man this is the best pizza I've ever had.
Fossil two: It looks so amazing! How good is it?
Fossile one: Here, just Trilobyte!

Why is ordering a pizza harder than having a kid?

You can't accidentally order a pizza

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You’re a pizza.

A pizza shit.

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