You guys wanna hear a joke about pizza?

Nevermind it's too cheesy.

I just burnt my Hawaiian pizza

I guess I should have put it on aloha temperature

What should you do when a musician comes to your door?

Pay him and take your pizza.

What's the difference between a philosophy degree and a large pizza?

The pizza can feed a family.

How do you determine the volume of a pizza?

Well, it’s basically a very flat cylinder. Let’s give it a random radius “z” and an arbitrary height “a”.

The volume of a cylinder is 3.14 x radius squared x height.

(Pi)(z)(z)(a)

Just a joke I remembered from math class way back in the day.

Wood-fired pizza

How's pizza gonna get a job now?

You order one pizza and you love it. Next time you order a pizza and a garlic bread. Before you know it, you're eating pizzas for every meal and you get withdrawal symptoms if you don't get one...

That's the domino effect...

Pizza Google

A man calls Pizza Hut:

--Hello, Pizza Hut?

--No, sir. Pizza Google

--Oh, sorry. Wrong number..

--No sir, it's the correct number, it's just that Google bought Pizza Hut

--Oh... okay, so... take my order, please

--Same as always?

--And how do you know ...

The difference between a bad pizza joke and a good one...

is the delivery!

How does a Mexican cut his pizza?

With little ceasers.

I wish I were good at telling pizza jokes

But I always botch the DiGiorno

A man orders a pizza

Waiter: "Shall I cut it to 6 or 12 slices?"

Man: "6... I couldn't eat 12"

The pizza was waiting in the stomach..

The pizza was waiting in the stomach to be digested, then suddenly a whiskey came along.

Pizza thought, "Ok. I'll let him pass, there's no hurry."

Two minutes later another whiskey comes by and pizza lets him pass too, but two minutes later when the next one got there, pizza stopped hi...

So I saw this sign the other day, it said “wood fired pizza”

So I said “Wood fired pizza? How will pizza get a job now.”

You're fired!

A company hired a new CEO. This boss wanted to get rid all of the slackers.

One day, he saw a young man against the wall. He wanted to prove himself that he meant business.
The CEO walked up to the man and asked, "How much do you make a week?"

The man replied"$200 a week. Why?"
<...

what do you call a pit stop that sells crabs and pizza?

a crust station

A 17-year-old boy who works part time at Pizza Hut drives up to park in front of his house in a beautiful Porche

Naturally, his parents know that there’s no way he earned enough with his after-school job to buy such a car.
“Where did you get that car?” his mom and dad screamed in shock.

“I bought it today,” replied the teen calmly.

“With what money young man?” his mom demands. “We know how mu...

My local pizza place is struggling to stay afloat

They really knead the dough

What do a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?

They both get to smell the goods but neither get to eat them

What’s the difference between my puns & pizza...?

My puns can’t be topped.

What did the doctor say when the pregnant woman gave birth to a frozen pizza?

It's not delivery, it's DiGiorno!

What do you call a pizza place for epileptics?

Little Seizures

Did you hear about the guy who took a second job as a pizza chef?

He kneaded the dough

The tough CEO

A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business!


The CEO ...

What do a frozen beer, a burnt pizza, and a pregnant woman have in common?

Some jackass forgot to take it out in time.

A Zen monk enters a Pizza Hut...

...the employee says "Welcome to Pizza Hut, Sir! What kind of pizza do you want?"

The monk thinks about it and says "Can you make me one with everything?"

How does good King Wenceslas like his pizza?

Deep pan crisp and even.

I made a frozen pizza this morning. I took off the shrink wrap on the pizza and noticed it had some small holes in it where the frozen cheese had stabbed through.

That was some sharp cheddar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My nephew told me when he grows up, he wants to be a pizza delivery guy, or a pool skimmer.

I need to tell my bro to do a better job at hiding his porn.

How does Jesus cook his pizza?

On High

Today, a friend of mine had to go to the hospital because he ate a pizza.

*My* pizza.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tits are like pizza...

...It doesn't matter what size, they're all good.

A man walks into a pizza shop and the guy behind the counter is the Dalai Lama...

...The guy, incredulous, says, “Your Holiness, you run a pizza shop?!”

The Dalai Lama replies, “Yes, I’ve always said that work is good for the spirit”.

The guy replies “I see,” then thinks for a moment and says, “Can you make me one with everything?”

What do epileptic children have in common with cheap pizza?

Little Seizures

A man is in a car with his friends and decides to stop by a pizza restaurant. Outside he sees a sign that says “wood fired pizza.”

And then the man said “Wood fired pizza? How’s the pizza gonna get a job now?”

How can u tell ur cannibal pizza is done?

The raw pizzas try to eat it

Dali llama walked into a pizza shop and said......

Can you make me one with everything?

I had to start deliverin pizzas

Cause i knead the dough

Write the expression for the volume of a thick pizza with height "a" and radius "z".

*pi * z * z * a*

What did the man say after eating a frozen pizza?

That wasn't well thawed out.

A pizza slice walks into a bar asking for a drink

The bartender says:
"Sorry, we don't serve food here"

(Offensive) I used to work in a Pizza Shop

I had to quit though, because I was tired of smelling Jewish... on account of the ovens.

What’s the popes favorite pizza?

Popperoni

Man: "Can I have a pizza with liver and onions."

Dominos: "We don't do liver."

Man with hand over the phone whispering to his wife, "I thought you said they do the liver?"

Wife: "I said they do deliver."

Man: "Not according to this guy."

What does a Italian child use to cut their pizza?

Little Caesar's

What do a pizza delivery boy and a gynecologist see every day?

The yeasty crust.

How do Mexicans cut their pizzas?

with little caesars

Why couldn’t the owner of the pizza joint retire?

He kneaded the dough.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You’re a pizza.

A pizza shit.

My friend and I ordered pizza last night.

I got my piece, and she got herpes.

Music producers are basically like a pizza business.

They both make dough from mixers.

Did you hear about the new emo pizza?

It cuts itself!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex is like pizza

When it's good, it's good. When it's bad....it's still pretty good.

A Blonde orders a pizza

and the man taking the order asks, "Do you want it cut into 6 slices or 12?"

The Blonde replies, "You better make it 6; I could never eat 12."

From my 11yo son: "What's a pizza's favorite number?"

One Sicillion.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The other day I beat my son at dominos.

I was going to wait till we got home, but the little shit dropped the pizza.

A blonde orders a medium pizza

The cashier asks if she wants it cut into four or eight slices.

"Hmm... four. I don't think I can eat eight."

Domino’s pizza has just opened a chain of VD clinics!

It’s for after you’ve had the hots with the box with the dots....

Why is ordering a pizza harder than having a kid?

You can't accidentally order a pizza

What does a McChicken, a whopper, a beefy 5-layer burrito, and an extra most bestest pizza have in common?

They've all seen me naked.

A blonde ordered a pizza. The clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.

The blonde answered, "Oh! six. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Absolutely livid. I bought a Hawaiian pizza for lunch and I've just burned it.

Should've cooked it on aloha temperature.

Pizza

Give a homeless guy a pizza and he will eat for a day, teach him how to make a pizza and he will be like "wtf dude, I don't have a kitchen!"

My wife told me that I remind her of a pizza

I asked if it was because I was so cheesy but she said, "no, it's because I want you to go"

Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, and her brother Bill are at Mulder's house party. They all gather around a pizza box with only 3 slices left.

SCULLY: Mulder, there isn't enough for each of us to have two. You'll have to share.

MULDER: I want two. Bill, leave.

I burned 2,000 calories today...

I forgot to take the pizza out of the oven.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

PIZZA GUY: You’re total is $26.34

GIRL: I can’t afford that

PIZZA GUY: Well you’ll have to pay some other way

GIRL : [takes out wallet] Wait I forgot I had 30 dollars

PORN DIRECTOR: Cut

Sauce : Twitter

There are 2 pizzas in the oven

The first pizza says " aaaaah, it's hot in here!"

The second pizza says " aaaaaaah, a talking pizza!!!"

I like my jokes like I like my Chuck E Cheese pizza.

Recycled.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear? They opened a pizza place in the Vatican!

It’s called Cheesus Crust.

They only use Swiss cheese Because it’s so holy.

Their most famous topping is pope-peroni.

They’re really famous for their dough.
It takes three days to rise.

They only serve seeded olives.
Because they’re afraid of the pit.

Their...

What gyneacologists and pizza delivery guys have in common?

Both can sniff it,but cant taste it.

A dumb guy calls to yell at the pizza man at his local shop.

“I got this pizza delivered and I specifically asked to have the pie cut into six slices. This pie is cut in eight slices!”



“What’s the big deal?” the pizza man wondered.



“There is no way I’ll be able to eat all these!” the man yelled.

What's the difference between a pizza and a hippie chick?

You don't peel the crust off the pizza before you eat it

What’s the most important part of telling a pizza joke?

It’s not delivery, it’s DiGiorno

Julius Caesar ordered pizza for the senate at Theatre of Pompey

Casca: How could you not order enough pizza for everyone?

Julius: But there was enough for everybody to have a slice...

Brutus: I ate 2 slices.

Julius: ATE TWO, BRUTE?

My dog just jumped on my pizza...

... guess it’s cheese and pupperoni now.

I had a joke about pizza, but...

The punch line was simply too unpredictable.

What pizza did the twin towers order?

Two plains

What's an epileptic's least favorite pizza?

Lil seizures

What do you call having pizza for breakfast, lunch, and dinner?

Regret

Who is the patron saint of Pizza and Bread?

Jesus Crust

What is the difference between a freshly made pizza and a hungry jungle tiger?

One tastes delicious to you and you taste delicious to one.

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