What's the difference between a musician and a large pizza?

A large pizza can feed a family of four

What is an epileptic person's favorite pizza place?

Little Seizures

I burnt my Hawaiian pizza the other night

I should have put it on aloha temperature

Making a deep dish pizza is surprisingly super easy!

It's a pizza cake!

You order one pizza and you love it. Next time you order a pizza and a garlic bread. Before you know it, you're eating pizzas for every meal and you get withdrawal symptoms if you don't get one...

That's the domino effect...

College student climbs into the back of an Uber and asks the driver "Do you have room up there for a pizza and a six pack'?

"Sure" said the driver.
So the kid leaned forward and threw up.

I saw a man cutting a pizza with a smart phone

I know it's cutting edge technology but jeez

I'm saving a bunch of money on pizza delivery.

When the doorbell rings I answer it completely naked. So far, nobody's stayed long enough to take my tip.

Wanna hear a pizza joke?

Never mind...it's too CHEESY

If pizza could talk what would it say?

Probably lots of cheesy things.

I am a little ambivalent about pizza.

On the upside, it has some great toppings.

On the downside, it doesn’t.

Wood fired pizza

How’s pizza gonna get a job now?

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A father of 3 and one of his sons were cooking pizza

They put the pizza in the oven and waited

When the timer went off, the father went to pull it out when the son said “Let me pull it out.”

The father then said “You shouldn’t, it’s really hot.”

The son replied “Dad, you have 3 children, I don’t trust you to pull out.”

What do a T-Rex, a thot, and my pizza have in common?

They’re all meat lovers

What kind of person doesn't like Pizza?

A Weirdough !

The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza shop

He asks, “can you make me one with everything?”

I called my wife and told her that I'll pick up pizza and coke on the way back from work. But it seems she was not happy.

She still regrets letting me name the kids.

Why do pizza places always deliver the pizza before giving it to you

They should just avoid putting the liver in the first place

What does a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?

They can both smell it, but can't taste it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex is like pizza

I can't remember the last time I had pizza.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a Good pizza and a bad prostitute?

The thickness of the crust.

Empower Palpatine wants to order some pizzas

A clone enquires: “How many pizzas should we order, my lord?”





“Order 66”

Why is emo pizza the best pizza?

Because it cuts itself

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner.

They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.

Why don’t we hear many jokes about pizza?

They’re too cheesy.

What's the difference between police officers and pizza delivery drivers?

Pizza delivery drivers actually face consequences when their jobs aren't done right.

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Knock knock. "Who's there?" Pizza. "Pizza who?"

Pete's a fucking asshole. He promised me that he would cover my shifts during this outbreak, but apparently we weren't eligible for government benefits due to some shady shit in his past. So instead of handling it like a GOOD ~~manager~~ HUMAN BEING, he decides to double up my shifts. Which, of cour...

The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza place

He gives the waiter 10$ and asks:

Can you make me one with everything?

After he finished the pizza he asks the waiter: where is my change?
And the waiter answered:
„Change musst come from within“

Why do restaurants put pizza in square boxes?

Because they don't cut corners.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Difference between pizza & pussy?

What’s the difference between pizza & pussy?


With pizza, you can eat the crust

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Locked in her basement

A woman I work with locked me in her basement for two months once and used me as her sex slave.

One day I noticed she forgot to lock the door and I thought, "Great, this is my chance!"

So I ran up the stairs and grabbed the phone.

Half hour later the pizza arrived, and I went ba...

If you can’t decide on what kind of pizza to get,

you’re indeSLICEsive.

What's the difference between two 10" pizzas and one 14" pizza?

One pi

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PIZZA GUY: Your total is $26.34

**ME:** I can’t afford that

**PIZZA GUY:** Well you’ll have to pay some other way.

**ME: [takes out wallet]** Wait I forgot I had 30 dollars.

**PORN DIRECTOR:** Cut! The fuck are you doing?

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie that’s amore

When you suddenly squeal 'cause you stepped on an eel that’s a moray!

A Blonde went for a pizza. The chef said would you like it cut into 4 slices or 8? Blonde said 4 please.

There is no way I could possibly eat 8 slices.

Anyone ever heard of emo pizza?

It’s the kind that cuts itself.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donating blood in high school for a slice of pizza

was the most crackhead shit ever

It takes more effort to order a pizza than have a child

Have you ever ordered a pizza by accident?

I like how my local pizza place cuts my pizza into 6 slices instead of 8

I can't finish 8 slices

What is the best thing to put in a pizza?

Teeth.

Did you hear Mike Tyson was just arrested for nearly beating a Pizza Hut waitress to death?

As he was finishing eating, she asked "Hey, mister, you wanna box for the rest of your pizza?"

Schrodinger's Pizza

You don't know until you get it whether its delivery, or Digiorno's

What did the pizza maker say before robbing a bank?

"I may love making pizza, but I still knead the dough."

A Buddhist priest walks into a pizzeria...

The pizza maker asks the priest “what can I get for you?”

The Buddhist, in a quiet voice, replies, “can you make me one with everything?”

What do Homer Simpson and pizza have in common?

Doh.

Why is 2020 pizza delivery like my ex-girlfriend?

They both do no-contact orders!

What do you call it when someone spreads germs all over your pizza?

Little Sneezers

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.

"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

How do you sell a gluten free pizza?

Take all the other pizzas out of the frozen section.

(too soon?)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex is like pizza

If you are going to use barbecue sauce you better know what you are doing

How do you get a philosophy major off of your front porch?

Pay him for the pizza.

News: Doctors recommend Pizza and pancake diet for Covid-19 patients

And all other foods that can fit under the door.

Why did the topping leave the pizza dough?

Because it was too kneady!

What do you get if you cross 27 knives and a pizza?

Little ceaser’s.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my boyfriend we could watch a porn for his birthday and do everything that we saw in the video...

He was super psyched, until I fucked the pizza guy.

If you have someone in your house with Coronavirus, feed them pizza and saucers of milk.

It’s the only stuff that you can push under the door.

A pizza died yesterday

Apparently it topped itself

Facism and Pizza have one thing in common...

Italy did it first, now they're the worst.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pizza butt?

More like pizza hut ehheeh gotemm

When a physician was asked if his new diet of pizza and crepes for COVID-19 patients was working

He said, "I don't know, but that's the only food we can get under the door."

Henry orders pizza

Henry orders a whole pizza

Waiter: How many pizza slices? 6 or 8 slices?

Henry: Just 6! I might not be able to finish 8 slices.

A man has been found dead at the pizza parlour

He was covered in ham, pineapple, onions, mushrooms, bell pepper, ground beef, pepperoni and four cheeses.

Police are saying he topped himself.

Now is the best time ever to order delivery pizza and to use that movie from Home Alone when they show up...

Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell outta here you filthy animal!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Joke my Dad told that Im pretty sure I heard a comedian do once

So theres these three guys on a construction crew. Every day at lunch they compare what they get. Everday the italian guy gets pizza and he says " if I get this one more timea Ima jumpa offada buildinga!!!"

The irish guy pops open his metal box, lo and behold hes got mashed potatoes loaded wi...

Pizza Joke

Q: Have you heard about the pizza joke?

A: You know what, I wont tell it, it's to cheesy

My pizza is burnt, my beer is frozen and my girlfriend is pregnant...

...I can’t pull anything out in time!

Why don’t Macedonians like pizza?

Too much Greece.

Why did the man go into the pizza business?

He wanted to make some dough.

Understanding Women

A FATHER SAYS TO HIS SON :
"MY BOY, WHEN YOU ACCUMULATE THE UNDERSTANDING OF WHY A PIZZA IS BAKED ROUND,
PUT IN A SQUARE BOX , EATEN IN TRIANGLES, YOU'LL BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND WOMEN. "
Author Unknown

Vegeterian joke

i have always wondered what parts of the vegeterians they use on the vegeterian pizza.....

Today, a friend of mine had to go to the hospital because he ate a pizza.

*My* pizza.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pizza is a lot like sex.

When it’s good, it’s REALLY good.

But when it’s bad...

...well, it’s still pretty damn good.


(Sorry it’s old. Heard it a long time ago and haven’t seen it here)

Why did Jabba win the pizza contest?

Because no one outpizzas the Hutt.

I'm like Domino's Pizza.

If I don't come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.

How does good king Wenceslas like his pizza?

Deep pan, crisp and even.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

John owned a Pizzeria with his buddy Harry.

But John wasn't satisfied with only making pizza every day. He wanted to study and walk a different path in life. So he decided to get back to school.

He told his buddy Harry that he would go see a consultant to talk about which subjects he should study.

The next day he went to meet wi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The International Council of Man Laws

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When sh...

Making lasagna at home,

from scratch, is pretty much a pizza cake.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tits are like pizza...

...It doesn't matter what size, they're all good.

What do you call it when pizza gives you the runs?

Pizzeria.

Pizza Google

A man calls Pizza Hut:

--Hello, Pizza Hut?

--No, sir. Pizza Google

--Oh, sorry. Wrong number..

--No sir, it's the correct number, it's just that Google bought Pizza Hut

--Oh... okay, so... take my order, please

--Same as always?

--And how do you know ...

Google knows!

Subject: Today's Reality


CALLER: Is this Gordon's Pizza?


GOOGLE: No sir, it's Google Pizza.


CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.


GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.


CALLER: OK. I would like to order a ...

Why were people who ordered pizza on 9/11 mad

Because they ordered pepperoni but just got plane.

What did Palpatine say to the intern when they asked how many pizzas they needed for his birthday party?

"Order 66!"

After a long hard day my wife asked to cook her an Hawaiian pizza!

She wasn’t to happy to see i’d burnt her dinner, after all I should’ve cooked it on aloha temperature!

Did y'all hear about the Italian chef that died?

He pasta way, but his legacy will become a pizza history. I'm sending olive my thought and prayers to his family. How sad that he ran out of thyme, here today gone tomato, we cannoli do so much. I never sausage a tragedy.

Everytime a pizza man has come to the door they've noticed the smell of the last pizza man and thus I've had to kill them.

An unfortunate Domino effect.

Dad's ordering a pizza at 11:58 in 1 B.C

Jesus Christ you're a millenia late.

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