Pretzels Jokes

Before he can order a beer, the bowl of pretzels in front of him says "Hey, you're a handsome fellow." The man tries to ignore the bowl of pretzels, and orders a fine Pilsner beer. The bowl of pretzels then says "Ooooh, a pilsner, great choice. You're a smart man." Starting to freak out, the guy say... read more

Because they are usually kneaded

One was assaulted

They're not knots. They're noughts.

A little old lady sold pretzels on the street corner for fifty cents each. Every day, a young lawyer would exit his office building at lunch, and as he passed her pretzel stand, he'd leave two quarters. However, he never took a pretzel.

This went on for nearly five years.

Even though ... read more

All of a sudden he hears a little voice, "Looking good there, buddy."

Looking around he sees no one within earshot. So he just shrugs it off & goes back to his drink & snack.

A little while latter again he hears a little voice, "And you're a snappy dresser too."

Again lo... read more

Some would even say I'm Anti-Anne's

November thirst.

They're knot for eating.

Hole Foods.

"You have some very nice clothes" said the bowl of pretzels.

The man thinking he was hallucinating, ignored the bowl and called the waiter and ordered a margarita.

"Nice choice good sir" said the bowl of pretzels.

The man once again thinking he was hallucinating ignored the bowl... read more

There’s the story of an old lady selling pretzels for 25 cents on a corner in New York. Every day a young man passes her at lunchtime and drops a quarter in the cup but doesn’t take a pretzel. She never says a word. He does this for three years, until one day he drops the quarter in her cup and she ... read more

It's quiet and practically deserted. He sits alone, thinking about the twists and turns his life has taken. He hears a soft voice:

"Nice tie"

He looks around but he doesn't see anyone. The voice speaks again:

"Great haircut. "

A few moments later:

"Congratulations ... read more

A couple was at this party when they suddenly get in the mood to do it. The guy comes near the girl but she says, "I am a little hungry can you get me some pretzels from downstairs ?"

The guy all excited runs down for pretzels but there is a huge line of people around the bowl, figuring he co... read more

and asks for a beer and pretzels. The bartender says, "I've never seen a talking duck." The duck replies, "Well, I work as a plasterer in the new construction down the street." The duck becomes a regular at the bar, coming in every day to order beer and pretzels.

So one day a circus comes to ... read more

Chutzpah is a Yiddish word meaning gall, brazen nerve, effrontery, sheer guts plus arrogance; it's Yiddish and no other word, and no other language, can do it justice.

A little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner for a dollar each. Every day a young man would leave his office building a... read more

A Polish man named Wojciech was fed up with being called a dumb Polack by every one he met. So one day he decided to pretend to be German. Wearing Liederhosen, knee socks and a feathered cap, he walked into a shop and told the man behind the counter:

"Hello my name is Rolf and I would like to... read more

As they pass the cooler full of beer, one nun says longingly to the other one, "A cold beer would go down great tonight!" "Indeed," the other nun replies, "but how can we show up with beer at the check-out counter?" "Don't worry, I have a plan," the other nun answers. "Grab a six-pack." The cashier ... read more