What do you call 52 slices of bread?

A deck of carbs.

You order one pizza and you love it. Next time you order a pizza and a garlic bread. Before you know it, you're eating pizzas for every meal and you get withdrawal symptoms if you don't get one...

That's the domino effect...

What do you made pickle bread out of?

Dill dough

What do you get when Black Panther brings Jewish bread to Thor's party?

T'Challa challah at the Valhalla gala.

Bread is like the sun

It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist

I accidentally cooked my bread.

I guess it’s toast now.

bread like fruitcakes, uneaten.

Onboard a naval ship, the sailors were turning in their food trays with everything eaten but the bread. This upset the mess officer who had baked the bread. When he asked if there was something wrong with the bread, some sailors said it was too hard. The officer would have none of that.

“If C...

What do white knights put on their bread?

M'lasses

What does bread and kids have in common ?

Don't make em on a weak Ikea kitchen table.

(NSFW) I have celiac disease, and my BDSM wife likes to tie me up and feed me wheat bread...

I’m a gluten for punishment.

The programmer's wife tells him: "Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen".

The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.

I can't take my dog to the park anymore because the ducks keep attacking him.

Guess that's what i get for buying a pure bread dog.

What kind of bread can pay for itself?

A Bank Roll

A woman goes to the store to buy a loaf of bread and a gallon of milk. The cashier guesses that she is single and she is shocked. She asks how he knew

He said it's because she's ugly

What do you called pickled bread?

Dill-dough!

A man is standing in a bread line in Soviet Russia.

He is mumbling to himself. "No bread, no milk, no meat, what a shame". Two policemen walking the beat hearing his mumbling walk up to him, and say:

"Citizen, if you said that 40 years ago you'd be shot, so just shut up and stand in line like everybody else"

As the policemen leave, the ...

The other day i saw a piece of toast in a cage in the zoo...

It was bread in captivity.

How do you greet German bread?

Gluten tag

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

“Back in the day,” my grandfather would say, “You could go into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket, and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs, and some butter as well....”

"But today, they got cameras everywhere!"

I just ate a sandwich with slices from two different kinds of bread

It was a cross-bread sandwich

Life is like a loaf of bread

Because life is pain

They say the Soviet Union had the best Bread!

It was so good, people waited on line for hours to get some.

I would make a bread joke but...

Would would I *GRAIN* from it?

If I stay at someone's house and they don't have any bread available come breakfast time I will refuse to stay any longer

I'm lack toast intolerant

What do statisticians who make mistakes put on their bread?

Margarine of error.

*raises piece of bread*

“I’d like to make a toast...”

I came up with a get rich quick scheme to sell Indian sourdough bread you bake at home

...but it turned out that plan was a Naan starter.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I was a kid, my mother used to send me down to the general store with a dollar. I’d come back with two loaves of bread, a pound of butter, a carton of eggs, and a gallon of milk

You can’t do that any more, there are too many security cameras

Why do we eat jam (and all other spreads as a matter of fact) on bread?

Because we all know when it's inbread it's bad.

A man walks into a bakery and asks the store owner if he has a thousand loaves of bread

The owner looked at the man likes he’s crazy and said “sorry we don’t stock that much bread at once”

The man comes in the next day and asks the owner “do you have a thousand loaves of bread”

The owner replies “I told you already, we don’t stock that much bread at once!”

The same...

The Germans have developed a talking bread, but it only uses informal greetings such as "tag" or "morgen".

It's guten-free bread.

A man was at a supermarket buying bread.

The cashier asked him if he wanted a bag. He said 'yes please, baguette'.

My friend came up to me after making the world's largest bread

He said to me "Hey, thanks for helping out with this"

I responded "No problem, it was the yeast I could do"

Did you hear about the Indian priest who always donated bread to charity?

He was the Naan-Prophet

How many bread types do Indian people like?

naan

What do you have in common with bread dough?

If you get baked you're more likely to loaf around.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pope is asked to change the prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily coffee'."

The marketing Director of Nescafe manages to meet with the Pope at the Vatican.

After receiving the papal blessing, the Nescafe official whispers: 'Your Eminence, I have some business to discuss. We at Nescafe have an offer for you. Nescafe is prepared to donate $100 million to the church if ...

What do you call a random piece of bread?

A naan-sequitur

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hear about the Baker who did some shady shit just to make bread?

What can I say? He kneaded the dough!

I met Jesus while walking on a dusty road, he pulled out some bread and fish. Then some red wine.

At that point I knew the guy wasn't legit because white wine goes a lot better with fish than red does. Rookie mistake.

My 17-year-old daughter and I made up a joke today! Q: Who is the bread God’s arch-enemy?

A: The Anticrust!

A hot dog vendor brings a homeless man to court for standing near the stand and enjoying the smell of the meat as he ate his bread. The judge is quite exasperated.

Judge: [to the homeless man] Do you deny this?

Homeless man: No, your honor.

Judge: Do you have any coins?

Homeless man: Just a few quarters, your Honor.

Judge: Give them here.

Homeless man: Your Honor, they're all I have!

Judge: That may be so, but pl...

What's the name of the restaurant You went to yesterday where they had very good Indian bread?

That's naan of your business!

A piece of bread walks into a bar.

A piece of bread walks in to a bar, he asks for a sandwich, the bartender says “sorry, we don’t serve food here.”

My husband and daughter start using French bread as swords

I say, “You shouldn’t do that! Violence baguettes violence.”

What did the german say when he wanted to chase someone with a piece of bread?

Gluten tag

I've said this joke so many times to my friends I get to "do you wanna" and they just stop me

You're hungry. In the fridge there is a bag of bread, jar of jam, a can of tuna, and some milk. To answer the riddle, what do you open first?

This thread!

You are like the end piece of a loaf of bread

Everybody touches you but nobody actually wants you.

What did the depressed celiac say will planning his suicide

Let's get this bread

What do you call a game where Germans throw bread at each other

Gluten tag

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was her bread, she was my jam.

One day she left me saying, "You deserve butter".

What do you call a rubber loop that you put rocks and bread into?

A rock and roll band.

What is Doctor Who's favourite bread?

Dalek Bread

What did soviet Russians call an 8-hour bread line?

Fast food

My local Baker says he can bake 20 loaves of bread in one hour with one small oven...

I said prove it.

I got a lifetime supply of bread!

You'd think I'd say I'm rolling in dough, right? Well I am actuality a very lucky Soviet in 1936.

Why did the white supremacist start a baking company?

Because his family had a long history of being in bread.

A customer walks into a bakery and orders a loaf of bread. As the baker wraps the loaf, the customer says, "You know, I bake my own bread at home, but they come out dense."

The baker looks up suspiciously and says, "Yeah, prove it."

What direction did Mr. Bread go?

Yeast.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex and bread..

A man and his wife are talking.

W- can you help me in the garden?

H- do i look like a fucking gardener?

W- well can you help with the door?

H- do i look like a fucking carpenter?

Man leaves for work. Comes back later and it's all done.

H- see I knew yo...

My coworker asked if I liked bread

Honestly, it’s my yeast favourite thing.

I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again

I think it might be comatoast.

Jesus: I am the bread of life

Roman soldiers: Lets get this bread

Jesus: Wait, no

What do you call an Irish millionaire?

A ginger bread man.

I wanted to buy some bread from a south-Asian bakery

But i didnt get any because they said they had Naan...



I will leave now

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between buttered bread and bread with margarine?

One's a buttery trail while the other one's utter betrayal.

Who is the patron saint of Pizza and Bread?

Jesus Crust

A tourist in London was throwing bread to some ducks in a pond...

when a local woman approached him looking rather upset. She asked him how he could throw bread in the water for ducks when there were starving children in Africa? Wasn't it obvious that they could use that bread more than the ducks?

The man stood there for a short moment and responded to the ...

When I was of 6, Mom would send me down to the corner store with $10 and I would get 5 bags of potato chips, 2 loaves of bread, 3 pack of milk, some cheese and 6 eggs.

You can't do that now, too many damn security cameras!

New types of sliced loaf aren't invented, or discovered...

They're bread.

Use the words chicken, nut, and bread in one sentence.

When my sister got pregnant, my Filipino mother told my dad to stop choking her because chicken nut bread.

I don't normally eat bread...

But today we had Indian food at work.

It was na'an negotiable.

Just been to get a loaf of bread at a cost of £1.03 and gave the grumpy looking girl at the till a £20 note.

She said "have you got anything smaller as that would take all my change."

I said "no sorry but I can pay on card if that helps?"

She sarcastically said " of course it would help"

So as a presented my card she said "Cash back?"

I said "Yes please!"

"How much?" She ...

A bread pun

Sorry, it's gone stale

Jesus at Last Supper

\*break bread\* This is my body

\*pours wine\* This is my blood

\*open jar of mayo\*

Judas: I'm gonna stop you right there

Some guy tried to steal my recipe for Indian bread.

I told him: “It’s naan of your business.”

What do dj's dip their bread sticks in?

Marin*era-era--*

Have you heard of the boy made of bread?

Apparently nobody wanted to take him in...

Good thing they used self-raising flour!

A programmer and his wife are reviewing their grocery list.

She says, “We’re out of bread. Please go the grocery store and buy one. And if they’ve got eggs, get six.”

After a while, he’s back with six loaves of bread.

The wife asks, “Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?”

He replies, “They had eggs.”

I think I might have a slight drinking problem...

My friend asked me to toast some bread... I got up, raised my glass and said: "Here's to the Bread"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wife sends her programmer husband grocery shopping

She tells him:

“I need butter, sugar and cooking oil.
Also, get a loaf of bread and if they have eggs, get 6.”

The husband returns with the butter, sugar and cooking oil, as well as 6 loaves of bread.

The wife asks:
“Why the hell did you get 6 loaves of bread?”

To ...

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