The programmer's wife tells him: "Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen".

The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.

How do you greet German bread?

Gluten tag

I would make a bread joke but...

Would would I *GRAIN* from it?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

When I was a kid, my mother used to send me down to the general store with a dollar. I’d come back with two loaves of bread, a pound of butter, a carton of eggs, and a gallon of milk

You can’t do that any more, there are too many security cameras

I can't take my dog to the park anymore because the ducks keep attacking him.

Guess that's what i get for buying a pure bread dog.

Did you hear about the Indian priest who always donated bread to charity?

He was the Naan-Prophet

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Hear about the Baker who did some shady shit just to make bread?

What can I say? He kneaded the dough!

What do you call 52 pieces of bread?

A deck of carbs.

How many bread types do Indian people like?

naan

What's the name of the restaurant You went to yesterday where they had very good Indian bread?

That's naan of your business!

When I was a kid, my parents used to give me 10c and I would have to go down to the shop. I would get a pack of Potato’s, a bunch of bananas, 5 loafs of bread and a bottle of beer.

But of course, you can’t do that anymore as most stores have security cameras.

A man walks into a bakery and asks the store owner if he has a thousand loaves of bread

The owner looked at the man likes he’s crazy and said “sorry we don’t stock that much bread at once”

The man comes in the next day and asks the owner “do you have a thousand loaves of bread”

The owner replies “I told you already, we don’t stock that much bread at once!”

The same...

What do you have in common with bread dough?

If you get baked you're more likely to loaf around.

A hot dog vendor brings a homeless man to court for standing near the stand and enjoying the smell of the meat as he ate his bread. The judge is quite exasperated.

Judge: [to the homeless man] Do you deny this?

Homeless man: No, your honor.

Judge: Do you have any coins?

Homeless man: Just a few quarters, your Honor.

Judge: Give them here.

Homeless man: Your Honor, they're all I have!

Judge: That may be so, but pl...

My 17-year-old daughter and I made up a joke today! Q: Who is the bread God’s arch-enemy?

A: The Anticrust!

A piece of bread walks into a bar.

A piece of bread walks in to a bar, he asks for a sandwich, the bartender says “sorry, we don’t serve food here.”

My husband and daughter start using French bread as swords

I say, “You shouldn’t do that! Violence baguettes violence.”

What did the german say when he wanted to chase someone with a piece of bread?

Gluten tag

I've said this joke so many times to my friends I get to "do you wanna" and they just stop me

What do you call a rubber loop that you put rocks and bread into?

A rock and roll band.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was her bread, she was my jam.

One day she left me saying, "You deserve butter".

Bread is like the sun..

it rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.

I met Jesus while walking on a dusty road, he pulled out some bread and fish. Then some red wine.

At that point I knew the guy wasn't legit because white wine goes a lot better with fish than red does. Rookie mistake.

I got a lifetime supply of bread!

You'd think I'd say I'm rolling in dough, right? Well I am actuality a very lucky Soviet in 1936.

The Soviet Union made the best bread in the world.

People would stand in line for days to get it.

You are like the end piece of a loaf of bread

Everybody touches you but nobody actually wants you.

You're hungry. In the fridge there is a bag of bread, jar of jam, a can of tuna, and some milk. To answer the riddle, what do you open first?

This thread!

What did soviet Russians call an 8-hour bread line?

Fast food

What is bread in Alabama called

inbread

What do you call a Jewish bread that the Black Panther bakes for Thor's party?

T'calla's challah for the Val'Halla gala.

What is Doctor Who's favourite bread?

Dalek Bread

At one of USSR’s bread lines during 1985…

A man in the crowd mumbling to himself “No bread, no milk, no meat… what a shame” two policemen hearing of his mumbling and walk up to him, and says

“Citizen, if you said that 40 years ago you’d have been shot, so shut up and stand in line like everybody else.”

As the policemen leave, ...

I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in the cage

Zookeeper said it was bread in captivity

My coworker asked if I liked bread

Honestly, it’s my yeast favourite thing.

My local Baker says he can bake 20 loaves of bread in one hour with one small oven...

I said prove it.

What direction did Mr. Bread go?

Yeast.

What do you call an Irish millionaire?

A ginger bread man.

I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again

I think it might be comatoast.

What do you call a game where Germans throw bread at each other

Gluten tag

Why did the white supremacist start a baking company?

Because his family had a long history of being in bread.

A customer walks into a bakery and orders a loaf of bread. As the baker wraps the loaf, the customer says, "You know, I bake my own bread at home, but they come out dense."

The baker looks up suspiciously and says, "Yeah, prove it."

When I was of 6, Mom would send me down to the corner store with $10 and I would get 5 bags of potato chips, 2 loaves of bread, 3 pack of milk, some cheese and 6 eggs.

You can't do that now, too many damn security cameras!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's the difference between buttered bread and bread with margarine?

One's a buttery trail while the other one's utter betrayal.

I wanted to buy some bread from a south-Asian bakery

But i didnt get any because they said they had Naan...

​

I will leave now

Jesus: I am the bread of life

Roman soldiers: Lets get this bread

Jesus: Wait, no

I don't normally eat bread...

But today we had Indian food at work.

It was na'an negotiable.

New types of sliced loaf aren't invented, or discovered...

They're bread.

Who is the patron saint of Pizza and Bread?

Jesus Crust

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

“Back in the day...” my grandfather started to say. “You could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well.”

“But today...” he continued. “Wherever you go, there are cameras...”

Some guy tried to steal my recipe for Indian bread.

I told him: “It’s naan of your business.”

What do dj's dip their bread sticks in?

Marin*era-era--*

I think I might have a slight drinking problem...

My friend asked me to toast some bread... I got up, raised my glass and said: "Here's to the Bread"

A bread pun

Sorry, it's gone stale

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Snakes dont like bread

Except for sirmixalot's anaconda because ***it don't want none unless you got buns Hun***

A tourist in London was throwing bread to some ducks in a pond...

when a local woman approached him looking rather upset. She asked him how he could throw bread in the water for ducks when there were starving children in Africa? Wasn't it obvious that they could use that bread more than the ducks?

The man stood there for a short moment and responded to the ...

Jesus at Last Supper

\*break bread\* This is my body

\*pours wine\* This is my blood

\*open jar of mayo\*

Judas: I'm gonna stop you right there

Use the words chicken, nut, and bread in one sentence.

When my sister got pregnant, my Filipino mother told my dad to stop choking her because chicken nut bread.

Just been to get a loaf of bread at a cost of £1.03 and gave the grumpy looking girl at the till a £20 note.

She said "have you got anything smaller as that would take all my change."

I said "no sorry but I can pay on card if that helps?"

She sarcastically said " of course it would help"

So as a presented my card she said "Cash back?"

I said "Yes please!"

"How much?" She ...

On Christmas, a thief took my german bread.

I guess you can say it was stollen.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Sex and bread..

A man and his wife are talking.

W- can you help me in the garden?

H- do i look like a fucking gardener?

W- well can you help with the door?

H- do i look like a fucking carpenter?

Man leaves for work. Comes back later and it's all done.

H- see I knew yo...

Another bread joke

A local bakery hired a beautiful young female cashier who likes to wear very short skirts. One day, a young man enters the store and after noticing the length of her skirt and the high location of the raisin bread, had a brilliant idea. 'I'd like a loaf of raisin bread' the man ordered and the girl ...

A programmer and his wife are reviewing their grocery list.

She says, “We’re out of bread. Please go the grocery store and buy one. And if they’ve got eggs, get six.”

After a while, he’s back with six loaves of bread.

The wife asks, “Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?”

He replies, “They had eggs.”

A local Indian baker told me he thinks, lives, and breathes bread.

I told him that sounds like a bunch of Naan sense

Give a man a loaf of bread and he'll eat for a week

Give that same man a fishing pole and he'll die of internal bleeding.

Have you heard of the boy made of bread?

Apparently nobody wanted to take him in...

Good thing they used self-raising flour!

Last time I went to the Indian restaurant, they forgot to give me bread...

But I didn't complain, since it was a naan-issue.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a slutty bread bin?

A crumb dumpster.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[OC, long] There's a new MLM scheme going around getting housewives to bake cookies, cake, and bread.

"Independent Businesses Owners" buy frozen pastries and mixes from the company, bake them in a timeshare commercial kitchen space, and try to sell them at their office, church, kids' activities, public events, and through social media. The typical.

One of my coworkers, Amanda, recently invite...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Wife sends her programmer husband grocery shopping

She tells him:

“I need butter, sugar and cooking oil.
Also, get a loaf of bread and if they have eggs, get 6.”

The husband returns with the butter, sugar and cooking oil, as well as 6 loaves of bread.

The wife asks:
“Why the hell did you get 6 loaves of bread?”

To ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The bread I made came out the oven shaped like a voluptuous womans butt!

I tried not to let it turn me on, but dat ass dough!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If my wife falls into a coma I’m going to harvest her vagina yeast to make bread.

I’m going to call it *comatoast.*

KFC

A man goes to see the pope.

"Your Holiness. I work for KFC, and we'll offer you ten million dollars to change the reading of the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to ' Give us this day our daily chicken.'"

The pope is aghast! "I can't just go changing God's word for...

Corporal Bread is patrolling through the jungle when suddenly his squad gets ambushed. An incendiary grenade lands by his feet and explodes in a ball of flame. Private Panini exclaims, "Is he dead?!"

The sergeant sombrely replies, "He's toast"

Did you hear about the Frenchman that got baked into a loaf of bread?

He's in a lot of pain.

Did you hear about the man who stole some bread

Yeah he Pinched a Loaf!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Jesus gave 2 thousand people bread.

Hitler made 6 million Jews toast.

When bread gets depressed what is the most common symptom?

Self-loafing.

During the annual cavemen conference ...

Greg : so I kept rubbing this rock against another rock until it became very thin and now I can cut vegetables,meat using this . I call this "The Knife" .

Chief Gogo : wow , I thought no-one can beat Gorg's invention of using wheat flour and water to create a new food called "bread" but yours...

Everyone was telling me to stop making bread jokes

But i could tell they were having a loaf

A Soviet man is waiting in line for bread...

After waiting for an hour, we shouts, "I've had enough of this! I'm going to assassinate Gorbachev!" He walks off to the Kremlin.

Twenty minutes later, he comes back and the crowd asks if he succeeded. "No," he says, "the line to assassinate him was even longer."

You should never buy bread from a french guy.

He'll sell you pain.

I have a medical condition that means I can die if I have burnt bread..

I am black toast intolerant

At the zoo I noticed a slice of toast in one of the enclosures.

I asked the keeper, 'How did that toast get into the cage?'

'It was bread in captivity' she replied.

An inventor shows his friend the first knife ever and his friend says, “Wow! That’s the best thing since bread!”

The inventor says, “Well, I’m about to blow your mind...”

Breaking bread with your middle-eastern friends...

Is a naan-secular activity everyone can enjoy.

I just had this really strong Korean bread.

Tae-kwon-dough

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