If you wanted to make pickle bread,

you'd have to start out with dill dough.

If you make money selling Indian bread...

You run a Naan Profit Organization.

How do Germans tell if bread is gluten free?

They check the Gluten Tag

My Indian girlfriend can't decide if she wants to bake bread the same way as he parents

She'll either end up as a non-conformist or a naan-conformist

What do you call a small bread that is moving rhythmically to music?

Abundance

TIL in germany when someone is diagnosed with coeliac disease other coeliacs will chase and try and hit them with bread to make them feel welcomed.

It's called gluten tag.

A woman goes into an art gallery and sees two still-life pictures. Both are of a table laid for lunch with a glass of wine, a basket of bread rolls and a plate of sliced ham. However, one picture is selling for $75 and the other for $100.

Curious, she goes to the gallery owner and asks him what the difference is between the two pictures. The owner points at the $100 painting and says, “You get more ham with that one.”

Me and my buddy got into a debate about flat bread being used for sandwiches.

We decided it was a naan issue.

Where does the holy bread go after it is consumed?

The Garden of Eaten

What do you call Naan bread that hasn't made it to you yet?

Naan-existent

What do you call bread that doesn’t identify as male or female?

Naan-binary.

I was trying to find some good jokes about Indian bread online, but I couldn't find any.

They're basically naan-existent.

sausage bread will always be by your side

for batter or for wurst

Despite my wife having celiac's disease, she keeps on eating bread...

You could say she's a gluten for punishment.

Offering his flesh for bread and his blood for wine, Jesus Christ made...

the ultimate snackrifice

Did you hear about the two loaves of bread that fell in love?

They decided to raise some dough, put a bun in the oven, and grow mold together.

Why was the other bread jealous of the flat bread that started his own business?

He was a self made naan

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What kind of Marshall Arts does Challah Bread do?

JEW DOUGH!!

This Easter, the catholic church is sourcing all of it's bread and wine from a factory in China.

It's called mass production.

My wife was annoyed that I forgot to get bread at the Indian grocery store

I'm not sure what she's so mad about. I see this as a naan-issue.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the jam say to the bread after the failure of their relationship?

"Your deserve butter."

The worst piece of bread I ever tried was in Germany.

It was *guten*\-free.

a caring mother makes her son loafs of bread shaped like batman, to make his sandwiches fun every time. guess what happens when it's in the oven?

the dark knight rises.

So the Pope goes down into a deep vault below the Vatican, where they keep the most ancient sacred texts.

Scholarly Priests spend decades examining these handwritten scrolls for translation errors. The Pope finds one of them hard at work and asks if he has found anything.


"Why yes, your Excellency. Look here, where we have always thought it said 'smite', but there's an 'R' there, it clea...

A friend of mine had an idea for a subscription box that came with everything you needed to make something akin to Pita bread but softer and made with yogurt...

I had to tell him it was a naan-starter...

Making bread is very addictive

First I was enjoying just mixing the ingredients. But after a while I kneaded it.

I can’t take my dog to the park as all the ducks keep trying to bite him...

My fault for getting one that’s pure bread.

I went to a zoo and there was a baguette in a cage

The keeper said it was bread in captivity.

At the Last Supper, Jesus got out a loaf of bread and said "this is my body, eat it to remember me." Then Jesus got out a glass of wine and said "this is my blood, drink it to remember me."

Then Jesus got out a jar of mayonnaise and THAT'S when Judas knew this was going too far.

Two slices of bread are competing to see who would stay fresh the longest.

It ended in a stalemate.

A loaf of bread made an enemy of me.

Now it's toast

Why can’t you prosecute unleavened bread?

Because there’s no proof

Bread is like the sun.

It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.

I thought you said we didn’t have any bread?

No, I said we had Naan.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man scores a hot date

Not wanting to disappoint his date in the bedroom, he goes to the doctor to get his penis enlarged.
The doctor says, "we happen to have a new experimental procedure that uses muscle cells from an elephant trunk that should do the trick." To which the man accepts.

Later on, the man and his...

why did the bread kick the tomato over?

because he loafed him

I opened a fresh loaf of bread and found a baseball card wedged between two slices.

It was a Catcher in the Rye.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Comrade Stepofsky and Comrade Yuri are standing in a bread line

You know - says stepofsky - this bread line is so long. Every day we wait hours for one measly loaf for a whole family. This is ridiculous! I am going to do something about it

Yeah yeah - mutters Yuri - you talk a big game but you won’t do anything

Next day, Stepofsky returns, even m...

What does a redneck and a hamburger have in common?

They're both in bread.

What do you call 52 slices of bread?

A deck of carbs!

What did the Italian baker say when a customer left her bread on the counter?

“Hey, you focaccia bread!”

You order one pizza and you love it. Next time you order a pizza and a garlic bread. Before you know it, you're eating pizzas for every meal and you get withdrawal symptoms if you don't get one...

That's the domino effect...

A piece of bread walks into a bar.

They say,”Hey, can I get something?”

The bartender responds with,”No, sorry. You may not be served.”

“Why?”The bread asks.

“Because we do not serve food.”

A traveling salesman was driving through the countryside when his car broke down.

Without phone service, he walked a couple miles to a farm house where he knocked on the door.

The old farmer answered and the salesman told him of his situation.

The farmer says. "It's getting late, but your welcome to spend the night. We'll call the tow truck in the morning.
<...

n Indian is calmly having breakfast... An Indian is calmly having his breakfast when an American, who is chewing gum, sits down beside him.

The Indian ignores the American who begins to chat :

The American asks :'Do you eat the bread entirely?'

The Indian answers,'Of course!'

American : 'We do not .We only eat the inner part. The crust is put in a container and processed and transformed into flour and sold to Indian...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Rags To Riches Success Story

A real touching success story! 

Every morning, the CEO of a large bank in Manhattan walks to the corner for a shoe shine.  He sits in an armchair, examines the Wall Street Journal and the shoe shiner buffs his shoes to a mirror shine. 

One morning the shoe shiner asks the CEO: "What do...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy from IRS shows up at the rabbi's house

"So, you produce a lot of waste during your ceremonies that could potentially be sold for profit but it's missing from your books, how do you account for that?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, the matzo bread you eat... It's awfully dry, it must surely leave a lot of crumbs... What do you d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bakery and asks the store owner if he has a thousand loaves of bread

The owner looked at the man likes he’s crazy and said “sorry we don’t stock that much bread at once”

The man comes in the next day and asks the owner “do you have a thousand loaves of bread?”

The owner replies “I told you already, we don’t stock that much bread at once!”

The sam...

I finished off the last of the traditional German Christmas fruit bread late last night.

Now my wife is telling everyone it was stollen.

A joke my mother told me today

A British man comes to a village and is given saag^1 on bajra roti^2. He eats the saag by itself and returns the roti to his hosts, saying "Here is your plate."

1. Saag is a mushy dish made with boiled spinach or mustard greens

2. Bajra roti is a flat bread made from millet, it has no...

One day, you're the best thing since slice bread....

.....the next, you're toast.

As a slice of stale bread, I used to hate mold.

But it's growing on me.

I was gonna tell a joke about bread..

But nevermind it was stale

I’ve decided to dress as a different bread everyday next week.

Roll on Monday.

At the last supper, Jesus breaks the bread and says "this is my body", pours the wine and says "this is my blood"...

...and then opens a jar of mayo and Judas says "Okay buddy I'm gonna stop you right there."

I bought a knife than can cut through four loaves of bread at once

It’s a four loaf cleaver

My friend’s grandma had two ovens and stored bread in one of them...

One day she preheated the wrong one

All the bread was toast

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, "I've had enough and have left you. Don't bother coming after me.”

Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.

After a short while, the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom.

She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note.

After a few minutes, he wrote something on it befo...

Apparently I execute commands badly....

Wife sent me to the supermarket with a simple request:
#
Go to the supermarket and buy a loaf of bread
#
If they have eggs get a dozen.
#
Came home with 12 loafs of bread,
#
Still don’t get why she’s mad?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Atti-la-lot

The story goes that Attila used to collect exotic animals that he found during his conquests. He particularly liked dangerous or fearsome animals, and his favourite was a giant snake. He was so fond of it, it was said that he brought it with him on every campaign.

But his snake lost its appet...

How about we cut the bread *before* we sell it?

Wow! that's the greatest idea since... uh since... idk.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A duck walks into a bar and says to the bartender “Got any bread?”

The Bartender says “No”


The duck asks again, “Got any bread?”
Again the Bartender says “No”


On and on
“Got any bread?”
“No”


“Got any bread?”
“No”


“Got any bread?”
“No”


“Got any bread?”
“No”


“G...

I made really spicy vindaloo and thought I should have it with bread

But I had naan.

What kind of bread do zombies prefer?

Whole brain.

"Waiter, this bread tastes like Marijuana"

"It was baked this morning"

Two friends are arguing...

"Look, I have a colony of ants!"

"Well, I have taller ants than you"

"Oh, well I have a tube of glue"

"Hah, I have an entire tin"

"I got bread!"

"Argh, you win! I can't handle that bread with my glue tin 'n' taller ants"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old man is talking to his grandson about how things were cheaper when he was a boy

He said that when he was a boy he could walk into a shop with £5 and walk out with a loaf of bread and milk coffee a tub of butter some bacon a pack of cigarettes and a news paper. The boy said that's amazing can I do that. The old man said no. You can't do that nowadays there are too many security ...

(LONG) Man walks into bakery, picks out a few loaves of bread, then heads to check-out.

(been a while since I've seen this repost, bear with me)
The clerk is a healthy young lady, and she starts ringing him up. He's been wanting to branch out in his breakfast routine, and asks if she has any recommendations. She points to the top shelf behind her, and says that she really likes th...

What do you call a bread delivery service

Uber wheats

A German man on his first trip to America decides to see New York City.

As he's wandering around the smell of corned beef and fresh baked rye bread draws him into a Kosher deli. The man sits at the counter, eyes the menu and says, "I vood like to try ze bagel and ze lox." In a thick accent.

On his first bite he's throughly enjoying his food and pipes up to the gu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hey, I saved your reputation

A guy told me he was going to make you eat a shit sandwich and I told him you didn't like bread.

I put a slice of bread in the oven and forgot to set the timer.

As soon as I could smell it burning I knew it was toast.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do peanut butter and prostitutes have in common?

They both spread for bread

What do Clowns and moldy bread have in common?

They both taste funny.

I met this really short man called Peter the other day. He's a baker and he was telling me all about baking flat breads...

It was fascinating....

I love the pitta patter of tiny Pete.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pigeon, a snake, and a bear are debating

"See that family over there," the pigeon says, looking at a happy family at a park, "I can go over to their picnic and get the humans to give food."

The snake and bear give a laugh. "We can all get food," they say. "No," the pigeon dictates, "I can get them to give me food in a more creative ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My donkey just ate the last of my French bread

It's a pain in the ass situation

A new disease in France turns people into bread.

French authorities are unable to contain the spread, and the disease begins to make its way through Europe and to the rest of the world.

It's a paindemic.

What do you call a bread merchant that drives a hard bargain?

Naan-negotiable!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was her bread and she was my jam

One day she left me saying 'I deserve butter'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's your favorite one liner in 40 characters or less?

Want to embroider something fun into my jacket pocket, but only have 40 characters. As a big fan of stand up, was trying to fit a homage to my favorites with something from Mitch Hedberg or Demitri Martin in there... but alas, they're slightly too long. So figured I'd come to the experts here for...

I asked my friend the baker what is the key to being successful in the business and making good bread...

...he said, "you can't just want it, you gotta knead it!"

Watching the latest episode of Forged in Fire. In the sharpness test, Doug Marcaida tested how much bread each blade would cut with just one slice...

The winner was so lucky he brought his 4-loaf cleaver.

What's faster, milk or bread?

Milk because it's pasteurise before you see it

Did you hear about the bread factory burning down?

They say the business is toast.

The French mafia threw me in a truck full of bread. I thought it would soften the drop,

but all I feel is pain.

Did you hear about the French man who fell off his roof onto a pile of bread?

He survived, but was in a lot of pain.

(Le pain means bread in French)

A wife tells her husband, “We’re out of bread. Please go the grocery store and buy one. And if they’ve got eggs, get six.”

After a while, he’s back with six loaves of bread. The wife asks, “Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?” He replies, “They had eggs.”

Honestly, if I had to offer you lot money for every bread joke..

Y'all would have a pun per nickel.

Some people like bread, sure. I mean, who doesn't want bread? But some people, like it enough to make their own...

Those people, they knead bread.

What do you call it when someone illegally bakes bread?

Baking Bad

If I can't resist eating sourdough bread, but it gives me incredible indigestion....

Does that make me a sourdough-masochist?

A french man and his wife go shopping in America

As they are walking down the aisles, she is placing items in bags for them to buy. He is mindlessly walking behind her while she does so, he is missing the simple pleasures of France.
She stops and looks at her husband and holds up a loaf of bread. "Honey, do we need bread? Should I put it in a ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just found out about a type of bread that’s used as a dildo in france

It’s a pain in the ass

I didn’t feel like cooking tonight, so I made a sandwich for dinner

It wasn’t so much as a sandwich as much as it was just bread.

I guess more just grain.

Fermented grain.

Distilled, fermented grain.

I had whisky for dinner tonight.

A woman wanted to know how her husband would react if she left him. She wrote him a letter saying she is tired of him and didn't want to live with him anymore. She put it on the table in the bedroom and then climbed under the bed to hide until her husband got home.

When he eventually came back home, he saw the letter on the table and read it. After a few moments of silence, he picked up the pen and added something to the letter. Then he started to get changed, whistling happy tunes and singing and dancing while he did so. He grabbed his phone and dialed a numb...

Everything is depressing, so you turns to making bread.

A friend came around and sees what you’re doing.
“Hey, nice bread”
You smiles feeling better.
“Thanks, I kneaded that”

Two friends were comparing their belongings

The first guy goes: 'i have ants'

The second guy : 'well i have taller ants'

The first guy : 'well i got a tube of glue'

The second guy : 'and i have an entire tin of it'

The first guy: 'i got bread as well'

The second guy: 'ugh you win, i can't handle that with my...

So a politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

‟So, you’re a politician...”
‟Well, yes, is that a problem?”
‟Oh no, no problem. But we have recently adopted a new system for people in your line of wo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had sex with garlic bread

Now I have herbes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Got any bread?

A duck walks…waddles into a pub. Goes up to the bar and says, “Got any bread?”

The barman says, “No - we don’t sell bread. Only beers, wines, spirits and soft drinks.” and the duck leaves.

The next day, the exact same thing. “Got any bread?” says the duck.

“No”, replies the barm...

I feel bad for the people who had a bread making business is Rome back then...

Because now their business is toast

What happened to the Indian bread when it left the country?

It became a Naan Residential Indian.

A new supermarket opened near my house.

It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing, and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.

In the meat department, there is th...

I made a villager in my game out of bread

It's a naan-player character

A penguin walks into a bar.

Penguin: do you have any bread?
Bartender: no this is a bar, we serve beer, get out.
Next day, the penguin goes back into the same bar and sees the same bartender.
Penguin: do you have any bread?
Bartender: no, I told you yesterday, this is a bar, we serve beer, now get out.
The ne...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

I made some dill flavoured bread yesterday

I used the juice from a jar of dill pickles. The issue is I made far too much mix. I tried to give it to my friends and family but none of them wanted any of my left over used dill dough!

I made bread last night,

and I have been loafing around ever since.

What's a Jawa's favorite type of bread?

ZUCCHINI!

A man's waiting in a bread line in the Soviet Union

He's been waiting for hours, but just as he reaches the front of the line, the woman inside says, "sorry, out for today," and slams the door shut.

Naturally, he's apoplectic. He starts shouting- "So this is communism, eh?! I fought in the war against fascism, I've worked for the state my wh...

And He took the bread gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying "This is My body, given to you".

In the same way, He took the cup of wine and said "This is My blood, which is poured out for you". Then he scooped up the mayonnaise from the jar and said "This is my- "

"NOT now Jesus!", they said, "For we are eating!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex and bread..

A man and his wife are talking.

W- can you help me in the garden?

H- do i look like a fucking gardener?

W- well can you help with the door?

H- do i look like a fucking carpenter?

Man leaves for work. Comes back later and it's all done.

H- see I knew yo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two checkout cashiers are chatting at work

One says to the other, "You can always tell the married fellas from the single ones, can't you?"

The other cashier asks how and she replies, "Watch the next person who walks up."

Just then a man approaches and from his basket produces one tin of beans, one loaf of bread, one pint of mi...

What’s the odd one out?

A. Flour
B. Yeast
C. Royalty
D. Meat

D. Meat because it’s usually not “in bread.”

A conversation between a priest and me

Me: So Christ body is bread?

Priest: Yes

Me: It rose from the grave?

Priest: Yes

Me: Because of yeast?

Priest: No

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Catholic Priest, a Buddhist Monk, and an atheist walk into a bar.

A Catholic Priest, a Buddhist Monk, and an atheist walk into a bar.

After they put in their orders, the three strike up a conversation about what they believe awaits them in the afterlife.

The priest says, "I try to live my life according to God's word, so that I may go to the good Lor...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.