What do you call a Goldfish cracker cooked on a stove?

A gilled cheese

If a black person calls you a whitey or a cracker just remember...

It's fine for them to say that, you can say things they never will be able too.

Like, "thanks for the warning officer"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Crap Christmas cracker joke

I was walking down the road with a 9 foot book under my arm when a guy who was walking past me said "what's with the big book?" I replied "It's a long story mate!"

What do you call an Egyptian back cracker?

A Cairopractor

It's the year 2070. Instead of putting funny one-liners in Christmas crackers, they put them in timecapsules embedded in space-rocks and send them to other planets.

The real joke is in the comets

The difference between a cookie and a cracker.

Cookies don't care if you pull down a civil war statue.

the servers were in such a hurry to set up the hors d'oeuvre tray that they forgot the crackers

they were cracka lackin

I hosted an amazing party. We had tons of cheese, but ran out of crackers

It was cracka-lackin

Y’all remember when Ritz and Goldfish crackers didn’t contain trace amounts of salmonella?

Pepperidge farm remembers.

What do you call a monkey holding a fire cracker?

A Baboom!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A bad Dad joke to go with your equally bad Christmas cracker jokes

One day a carpenter started to get out of bed to go to work, before being hit by abdominal pain so bad he had to lay down again. His wife was concerned but he waved her away, called off work, took a laxative, ate a hearty meal, and went back to sleep.

The next day the carpenter went to get up...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I know this very wealthy cracker ass cracker. His pockets are just loaded with cheddar. His ignant ass always yelling...

I’M RITZ, BITS!

I call the sunshine cracker company every year at this time and request they sell Cheez-its shrunk to 1/4th their original size.

I request they market them as "Sweet little baby Cheez-its."

I work as a CNA and today at work a resident in the cafeteria in a nursing home I work for asked for 1 extra cracker for his soup...

...to this, the other resident that was sitting next to him replied to me: "Oh I thought you were just going to pick me up and hand me to him."

**Yes r/jokes leaked into real life today at my workplace.**

Why do carpets in white folk houses always need vacuuming?

Crackers always leave crumbs.

What do Michael Jackson and an oyster have in common?

Both come on little white crackers.

What's a cracker's favorite band?

Panic! at Nabisco.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call it when a graham cracker, a marshmallow, and a piece of chocolate have sex?

A smorgy.

What do you get when you place a Russian leader on a cracker?

Putin on the Ritz.

Wanna know how I can prove Jesus was white?

The body of Christ is a cracker.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Cheesiest Joke I Know

What did the cracker say to the slice of cheddar?

"Say, you're looking mighty sharp today!"

To which the cheddar replied,

"Fuck you, white boy."

Her parents wanted her to date someone of her own ethnicity.

But Polly wanted a cracker.

Does anyone know where to find about 454 graham crackers?

I'm making a pound cake for dessert

What Do You Call A Line Of Men Waiting For A Haircut?

A Barbecue.

Christmas crackers are just full of laughs.

I pushed a cracker through the bars of the cage and said, "Who's a pretty boy?"

"I want my mommy," he sobbed.

Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve

Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter heaven. On entering they must present something relating to or associated with Christmas. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man p...

When I started dating my girlfriend I was worried about telling her I had addiction, I used to eat dry crackers all day long

It was hard to swallow but she stood by me and helped me through it

Dad, we're out of crackers.

Him: I guess you could say we're crackalacking.

Bad Christmas cracker jokes.

Where do you find reindeer?
It depends on where you leave them!


What do reindeer have that no other animals have?
Baby reindeer!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow business like show business!

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
...

Ok, so lets share our Christmas cracker jokes. Mine was awful.

A bottle of lemonade fell on a barmans head. Why wasn't he hurt? It was a soft drink.

I bought a box of animal crackers...

I bought a box of animal crackers and the label said, "Do not eat if seal is broken."

I open the box and sure enough...

What do you call it when the Russian president sits on a box of crackers?

Putin on the Ritz~

Have you guys seen Paula Deen's new restaurant menus?

They only serve crackers.

We are making our own xmas crackers for the family gathering this year. Got any good jokes we can put in them?

Jokes as in "why did the chicken cross the road" not as in "live wasps".

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Where you left him.



I got this from an Easter cracker. It was pretty dark for Easter which made me laugh even harder.

What did one cracker say to the other?

"Let's conquer the Americas, Africa, Australia, and Asia."

What do you call a Soviet ruler dancing on a cracker?

Putin on the Ritz. *ba-dum tsh*

Why didn't the pirate chessplayer enjoy his crackers?

Because they were stale, matey!

Why shouldn't white people swim?

Crackers get soggy when wet.

Why do sharks only swim in salt water? (Got this is a Cracker Jack box)

Because pepper water makes them sneeze!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why did the boy look at each and every one of the animal crackers?

Because his mother told him not to eat them if the "seal" was broken.

Credits to my school principal

What does a writer hope to get in a Christmas cracker?

A Pull-it-surprise!

What do you call a horse who likes crackers?

Seatriscuit

What do you call 2 crackers arguing?

White noise.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There was a man named Ivan, born and raised in the Soviet Union.

From the moment he was born, he lived in oppression and poverty. His rations were meager, his work in the coal mines hard. But one day, he gets a ray of hope, solace from his hardships, when, as he’s driving his Lada from his home to the local coal mine, he sees a sign.

“Swimming Lessons: Imp...

Jesus Christ wasn’t white...

But according to Catholics he’s still a cracker.

What do you call a group of angry white guys?

Saltine Crackers

I ordered a Chinese takeaway...

I ordered a Chinese takeaway from a local place (I won't name them) just been to pick it up and as I was driving home, I heard the bags rustling and moving, - WTF??!!!

I thought what the hell is that. Has something got in the bag, I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out at me....

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why did the cannibal take a jar of peanut butter to the White House?

He heard there was a giant cheezy cracker in office.

One night my family was having dinner

We were having something Mexican but we had a box of white cheddar cheese itz, we always have some sort of chips or crackers.

My brother had a plate of just rice and he was putting the cheese itz on the rice. I was super confused until he said

“Hey Zack, have you heard in our lord and ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Did you hear? They opened a pizza place in the Vatican!

It’s called Cheesus Crust.

They only use Swiss cheese Because it’s so holy.

Their most famous topping is pope-peroni.

They’re really famous for their dough.
It takes three days to rise.

They only serve seeded olives.
Because they’re afraid of the pit.

Their...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A joke told by Ronald Reagan

Fidel Castro had just started one of his long, boring speeches when an older man in the crowd was heard saying, "Peanuts. Popcorn. Cracker Jack."

Castro didn't break his stride but a few minutes later, a second voice was heard but with the same message, "Peanuts. Popcorn. Cracker Jack."
...

What do you call a group of Caucasians rolling down a hill?

A cracker barrel

What do you call a white girl with a yeast infection?

A cracker with cheese

What do you call a horse in pyjamas?

A nightmare.

(This was a Christmas cracker joke with the real answer being 'a zebra'. My boyfriend came up with this answer before the real answer was revealed.)

A little boy returned from the grocery store with his mother...

While his mom put away the groceries, the boy opened his box of animal crackers and spread them all over the kitchen table.
"What are you doing?" asked his mom.
"The box says you shouldn't eat them if the seal is broken," said the little boy. "I'm looking for the seal."

I had a Pacific Islander friend who was into white chicks.

When I asked him why, he simply replied:
“Poly want a cracker!”

My redneck cousin wants to be with a girl who is into multiple partners.

Cracker wants a poly.

I don't understand why everyone is surprised that the religious right is okay with racism

Every church I've ever gone to has told me Jesus is a white cracker.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So there's this fly hovering a few inches above this lake...

(This is a long one but it's good trust me)

So there's this fly hovering few inches above this lake...

There's a fish in the lake thinking to himself "if that fly were to drop a few inches I'd be able to eat the fly".

But there's also a bear on the shore thinking to himself "if...

If the KKK was meeting for lunch where would they go?

Cracker Barrel.

The world is an oyster

Much nicer on crackers

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A fly hovers above a lake.

A fly hovers six inches above a lake. A fish, just underneath the surface, thinks "If that fly drops six inches, I can jump up and eat the fly."

Meanwhile, a nearby bear thinks "If that fly drops six inches, the fish will eat the fly, and I can eat the fish."

Meanwhile, a hunter in the...

I was feeling a little hungry

I was feeling hungry, so I went into the kitchen to grab some crackers just to find out they’ve gone bad...

What do racist cannibals like to add to their soup?

A handful of crackers.

A boy asks his father, "Dad, why do you hate Cheez-Its?"

The father, clearly puzzled, asks him, "What do you mean?"

"Well," the boy says, "you're always saying that a goddamned orange cracker is ruining the country."

Jesus must be white.

'cause he tastes like a cracker.

This guy’s walking home from work, really late, in the pitch black of night...

There isn’t another soul on the street.

Suddenly, from out of the gloom, comes an ominous bump...bump…bump.

He looks behind him and spots a furtive, shadowy thing coming down the street after him.

Unnerved, he picks up his pace, finally breaking into a panicked run.

He...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

4-year-old's joke: What is a duck's favorite snack? Peanut butter (context in comments)

We told my four-year-old a joke: What is a duck's favorite snack? Quackers! HA!

He asked, "Quackers?" *confused* "Like, peanut butter and crackers?" "Sure, like peanut butter and crackers."

*runs into other room, calling his grandfather* "Pop Pop! What is a duck's favorite snack?...

What is the opposite of a brownie?

A cracker.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Fowl Mouthed Parrot

A woman brought home a parrot from the pound, and discovered, to her dismay that he loved to swear like a sailor.

One day, after being called a juicy bitch one time too many, she grabbed him, and threw him into the freezer, in order to teach him a lesson.

After a few minutes, she opene...

So I heard the Michael Jackson Estate is coming out with it's own line of Caviars

It's true! It comes on little white crackers.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How I picked my career.

I was driving down the street, when I was cut off by someone. I honked frantically, applied the brakes masterfully and dodged a sure accident. At the next set of lights, I pulled up beside the perpetrators and it was a car with 4 black men in it. I gave them the finger, and they became hostile towar...

How does a black person babysit the white neighbor kid?

He Puts him in the cupboard with the rest of the crackers.

What do Donald Trump and Goldfish have in common?

They're both tasteless orange crackers

I like my coffee black

and without crackers.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a neo-nazi that's burst into flames

A fire cracker

What do call a KKK member that steals your car right in front of you?

Cracker Jack.

What do you call a restaurant full of white people?

The Cracker Barrel.