Doughnut Jokes

The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts

It called glazed and confused.

He's handed his rota and his eyes lighten up: "Great, it's dinner-roll day!". The supervisor is puzzled to see such enthusiasm for so mundane a task as baking dinner rolls, but sure enough, the new guy goes to it with zest and panache and is soon turning out dinner rolls the like of which the superv... read more

To which the baker replies "no, you're not wrong, it's a Doughnut."

Feds.

Doughnuts

That would explain the doughnuts...

Because honestly if someone called me a doughnut that would be the sweetest thing anyone has ever called me

I know what you're thinking. Who the hell names their dog doughnuts

He is very impressed and calls the cook to ask him how he does this.


Cook, "When rolling the biscuits, I slap each one onto my belt buckle before putting them in the oven."


Admiral, "That's pretty unhygienic !!"


Cook, "In that case Sir, I'd suggest you skip the... read more

Dunkin' Donuts!

He was fed up with the hole business!

Wi’ jam in.

**Ugh!**

This morning I had 433 B.C., 1731, and 1952.

Weird doughs...

An Admiral visits one of the ships under his command. While eating breakfast with the crew he was impressed to see the US Naval Insignia stamped on every biscuit.

He went to the cook to ask how this feat was done, so it could be used on other ships under his command. The cook replied, "Well... read more

Always a hole-in-one!

Bah-Dunk-Dunk, Sssss.

...decided to get a divorce. It's a sad story, but the real victims are their children. They're in for a long, grueling custardy battle.

Timmy wanted to know what an STD was so he asked his uncle.
“Uncle, what’s and STD?” he asked.
Timmy’s uncle did not want to tell Timmy what and STD was. Timmy was only 5.
“Well Timmy,” said his uncle. “An STD is a super tasty doughnut.”
“Wow!” said Timmy. “I wonder where neighbor Bill g... read more

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, "you do God's work."

The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.


A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber... read more

"Look at this mess!" roared an angry customer at a local cafe, pointing to his squashed doughnut.


"It's just as you ordered it, sir," the waitress replied meekly.


"What do you mean?" barked the customer.


"You told me to bring you coffee and a doughnut and... read more

It was filling!

They have to go through the glazing.




I'm sorry I'm a baker it just came to me... Pun-ishment is in order.

(not my joke)

His first day is Monday. Upon entering, he hears that today is doughnut day. He dances with joy, and starts baking doughnuts like a madman. The manager tastes the doughnuts, and they are the best of the best doughnuts you would have ever tasted. His enthusiasm lasts for the enti... read more

Now I hate myself after only one doughnut!

The customer agreed 'It must be the double glazing'

Dough. Or Doughnut. There is no Pie.

Customer is disgusted when she sees a baker crimping a pie with his false teeth.
“Have you now got a tool for that job, you filthy pig”
“Yes, I use that for the doughnuts!!

Attention Deficit HEY DOUGHNUTS!!!

and asks the baker "Is that a doughnut or a meringue?"

"No sir, you're perfectly correct, it's a doughnut".


(I don't expect many folk to get this btw)

Our sister thought he should cut back gradually, so one day she asked, “Mike would you like to split a doughnut with me?”
Mike answered, “Want to split two?”

Criss Angel and Houdini walk into a bakery. Criss palms 3 Donuts with one hand and puts them in his pocket without anyone noticing. He says, "Do you see how masterful I am Houdini, I make donuts disappear at will!"

Houdini responds, "Not bad, not bad at all."

Houdini then goes to the... read more

A newly wedded couple were on their honeymoon and were getting busy. They finish and the husband takes the condom off and accidentally throws it out the window.

The wife says “You can’t leave that out there. Go get it.”

So the husband gets dressed and runs outside. He sees a little b... read more

Doughnut hole me back.

Doughnut

After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him a... read more

One of them finds a hair in the steak and calls the waiter to say:
“Waiter there’s a hair in my steak!”
The waiter nods and says “That’s because the chef uses his armpits to mash the meat”
“That’s disgusting” says the indignant diner
To which the waiter replies “You should see how he ma... read more

A topologist is a person who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and a doughnut.

A cop pulls over a guy. “Your eyes are awfully red. Have you been drinking?” “Gee, officer,” the man says, “Your eyes are awfully glazed-have you been eating doughnuts?”

The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "One burger!"
Whereupon the chef grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it in his bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and then tosses it on the grill.

"That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen," the old lady says. ... read more

“Decklyn,” the teacher calls to the new student in the back of the room, “what’s your favorite after school snack?”

“Nuts,” he replies.

“Very good,” the teacher replies. “What kind of nuts? Peanuts? Pine nuts?”

The boy shakes his head and answers, “Doughnuts.”

"Dough. Or doughnut. There is no pie."

Lawyer: who writes a 15,000 word document and calls it a "brief."

Accountant: who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.

Auditor: who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.

Banker: who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it ba... read more

I got arrest today, apparently you aren't allowed to do doughnuts within 200ft of a school zone... the frosting worked as great lubricant though

I kicked him in his doughnuts and ran.

To his surprise, he saw one of the bakers lying down naked on a counter, kneading bread dough on his chest. The guy turned and said to another baker, "That's the oddest thing I have ever seen." The baker replied, "You should see him make the doughnuts!"

A friend of mine recently back from his time in the army told me about one night, at his military base when he woke up about 2am, went outside - and he saw doughnuts, eclairs, cakes of all sizes scattered over the yard - but not another person in sight. Then he realised...

They had desserted ... read more