What did Dr. Pepper say when he got pulled over by the soda cops?

Oh no! It's the fizz!

I go to the store and buy 4 bags of chips and 6 sodas, if I eat 3 bags of chips and drinks 5 sodas what do I have?

No self-control.

I glued a bunch of orange sodas together in the shape of a stick.. It's amazing.. It's tremendous.. It's...

Fanta-Stick

I always wondered where those little cans of soda came from until I carefully read the writing on one...

...it said, "Made in Halfcanistan"

My friend had a long life dream of studying carbonation in soda. After many years of schooling, he accomplished his dream...

...he became a licensed Fizzyologist.

I got hit on the head with a can of soda yesterday.

Lucky it was a soft drink

What do you call a doctor who drinks a lot of soda?

A fizz-ician (physician)

What do you call a very small bottle of soda?

Minnesota.

What does the baking soda say when he gets sad?

I'm sodapressed.

Did you hear about the guy who drowned his boss in soda?

It was done out of pure Sprite.

When i was a kid, you could go into a store with a dollar and walk out with a soda, 4 candy bars, chips, and some gum...

But now, they have security cameras everywhere

[not my joke, I got it from somewhere just don't remember where, and it's provably unfunny but it made me laugh a lil]

a bear walks into a bar and orders a burger then pauses for a while and says a large soda aswell

the bartender says why the long paws

Doctor, I’m worried about my son. He spends all day measuring imaginary bottles of orange soda.

Don’t worry ma’am, it’s normal for boys his age to spend their time fantasising.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man asks his doctor: "Do you think I'll live to be a hundred?"

The doctor asks the man "Well, that depends. Do you drink?"

"Oh, no sir! I abstain from all alcohol. Soda, too. I just drink plenty of fresh water."

"Do you smoke?"

"No, sir! Never smoked in my life, and I stay away from any place with second hand smoke."

"Do you eat a lo...

Back in the days, I'd only take just $1 with me to the supermarket and came back with 3 bottles of soda and 2 bags of crisps

But these days, there are surveillance cameras everywhere

How much soda can a tropical bird drink?

Tucans

I had a job at the soda can factory.

It was soda pressing.

A latino goes to buy soda for 75 cents, he puts 65

The machine reads ‘dime’ so he gets closer and whispers Pepsi

I once had the wildest dream, I was able to fly and when I flew over the oceans I saw they were made up of orange soda...

Then I woke up and realized it was a Fanta sea.

How much soda do you have to drink before it tastes like birds?

Toucans

I dreamed about drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night.

It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea.

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she’d like to have for her birthday.

“I’d like to be six again”, she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme par...

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A dowdy housewife with a lisp slipped Viagra into her husband's soda.

As he was drinking it, he asked: honey, what's this soft drink called? She replied: that ithent a thoft dwink, it'th a hard dwink... I call it mount and do.

A Baptist preacher sits next to a cowboy on a flight. After the plane takes off, the cowboy asks for a whiskey and soda, which is promptly brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asks the preacher if he would like a drink.

Appalled, the preacher replies, "I'd rather be tied up and taken advantage of
by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."

The cowboy then hands his drink back to the attendant and says, "Me too, I
d...

A squirrel in the refrigerator

A man comes home after a hard day’s work and opens the refrigerator

to get a soda. Inside, he sees a squirrel taking a nap.

“What are you doing in my fridge?” the man asks.

The squirrel opens one sleepy eye and says, “Isn’t this a Westinghouse?”

“Um, yes,” the man replies...

The girl I like really loves orange soda. Sadly, she's way out of my league.

Is this a Crush, or just a Fanta-sy?

I hate my job. All I do is crush cans all day. It's just...

...Soda pressing.

3 turtles named Joe, Jeff, and Jimmy decide to go on a picnic

They pack, chips, sandwiches, and soda, and start to walk to their picnic area. The spot is 5 miles away, and it takes the turtles 10 full days to get there. Once they get there, they realize that they had left the bottle opener, and thus could not open the sodas. They nominate Jimmy to walk back an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The purple flower joke. (Very long)

Once there was a boy in 5th grade, and he really liked this girl (simp) and he knew that she liked the color purple.

So one day during recess he found these purple flowers and decided to make his move on the girl, so he walked up to her (with the flowers) and said "You are my purple flower" a...

What do they call a chemist who makes sodas?

A fizzycist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the most sexual soda?

Mount 'n Do

What size soda does Kim Jong-Un buy at 7-11?

A supreme liter.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’ve always dreamt of having a penis as long and wide as a 2 litre bottle of orange soda,

Fanta sized really

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A Soda Called Sup

Back in the 80's, the Coca-Cola company sold Sup, a combination of Sprite, 7 Up, and a secret ingredient that was never revealed. It was a beloved beverage that was unfortunately discontinued within a couple months and without any intention of going back on store shelves. People started buying Sup l...

The saddest activity in my life is crushing my Coke cans.

Its soda pressing.



(tch tch, that was lame)

If a young dog could drink soda, what would they drink?

Pupsi

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about.

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."

The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream ...

9 out of 10 doctors reccommend for children to drink water instead of soda

that 1 doctor lives in flint michigan

My best friend just placed an orange-flavored soda on my head

I think she has a Crush on me

There was a kid in our class named Ed who always drank soda so we called him Fizz Ed

We later shortened it to Jim.

My doctor sucks. He said if I don't lay off the soda and red meat, I'll destroy my kidneys.

All that education and he can't even tell the difference between kid knees and adult knees.

My brother is an idiot. He's in hospital with a broken ankle because he tried gluing 3 cans of soda together and using them as stilts.

That'll teach him to get high on coke.

where can’t you buy a large soda?

minnesota

Today in my chemistry lab, the teacher asked a kid to add 4 grams of baking soda to an ounce of vinegar. The moron instead added 4 ounces of baking soda to a pound of vinegar.

It was mass confusion.

What type of soda do the Avengers drink?

Groot-beer!

I asked my friend why he stopped working his job of squishing soda cans at the recycling factory?

He said that it was soda pressing.

Which state serves the smallest drinks?

Mini soda

Soylent Cola, the soda made from grinding up people, is said to not have a set flavor

They say the taste varies from person to person.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's a prostitutes favorite soda?

Mount-and-do

My Mom said to stop drinking soda because it has acid in it.

I replied," Stop making such baseless accusations".

This Thanksgiving I have no soda, and that makes me sad.

You could say I’m soda pressed

My cashier called my coins handsome when I was buying a soda today..

She said "Handsome coins, over"

My friend got fired at the fizzy drinks factory.

He was soda pressed.

What do you say to a weird-looking Pokemon that just knocked a drink out of your hand?

"Jynx, you owe me a soda."

Why do I add baking soda to my pumpkin spice lattes?

To make them even more basic.

A son says to his dad, "Hey I'm going to get a soda, you need anything?". The dad says, "Yeah get me a beer. Actually, make it two cans.". The son goes into the kitchen and is gone for about an hour and a half. The door opens and he asks his son, "What the hell took so long?".

The son walks in and says, "Well it wasn't easy. I had to go to like three pet stores before I found one that sold toucans."

Me: *hits friend with a soda can*

Friend: Ouch! Why did you do that?

Me: Stop complaining, it was a soft drink afterall.

*insert Seinfield theme*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In 1985 Viagra began marketing it's own soda beverage

They called it Mount and Do.

Further more in 1986 the FDA decided it could no longer be called a *soft* drink.
Instead they labeled it a cock tail.

I go to the store and buy ten hotdogs, nine burgers, three bags of chips, and six sodas. If I eat nine hot dogs, seven burgers, three bags of chips, and drink five sodas, what do I have?

No self control

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So my friend brought me to an amusement park...

...and we got onto one of the rides. It was one of those really whirly ones, and afterward we got off and I wanted to throw up. My friend got me a bag to throw up in.

After that, I started feeling dizzy. I told him, and he thought it may have been dehydration. We went to get drinks.

T...

What sort of scientists does Soda Stream employ?

Fizzyscists

Can you all please stop hating on Pepsi, Coke, and Orange Crush?

Seriously, it's soda pressing.

If there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s when kids feel entitled to something like...

“I want an ice cream!”

“I want a soda!”

And now he wants four more years, jeez where’s the limit.

I've decided to get a PhD in how much soda you should have for the end of the world.

Dr. Prepper, at your service.

If my man were a soda...

Three married black women are talking about their love lives with their husbands. They decide to assign each of their men a soda that represents them. The first lady says, "I'd call my man seven-up. 'Cause he's got seven inches and they're always up, up, up."
The second says, "I'd call my man Mo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Girl and Her Sniper Rifle

I had a friend named Sierra once. She was a pretty chill girl. Really only had two defining characteristics about her though, her love of lemon-lime sodas and her innate marksmanship. She was a damn good crackshot.


Her dad was a bit of a gun nut. Owned lots of rifles including a classic...

A water, a soda, and a beer walk into a bar

The bartender looks at the water and soda and says, "We don't serve your kind around here."

I saw two diseases drinking some soda

It was Hep C and Ebola sharing a Pepsi cola

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do nazis make soda?

They gas the juice.

There were once two people.

Eim and Ep.

One day, they came across a wizard. After a lot of bargaining, the wizard agreed to grant them each one wish. Ep requested a loving family. Ep was granted a rebellious teen daughter, a wife, and a young son. Eim requested ownership of a toy factory with elf workers that he will tr...

I used to work at a place where they crushed down soda cans after they were used.

I had to quit though, because it was just

*soda pressing*

Why would nobody like a soda machine as a politician?

Too self-serving

What do you get when you inject soda from a dirty needle?

Pep C

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store.

After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out the machine! She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient.

"Excuse m...

I haven't been able to have any orange soda since my wife left me

It takes 2 to Tango

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Anything you want

My wife left for work this morning, and almost immediately I got a call from my next door neighbour telling me to come around quick as she needed my help.

So, I knock on her door, and she opens the door in a robe and immediately drags me into the living room. She then drops the robe to revea...

What kind of soda do the Guardians of the Galaxy drink?

Groot Beer!

I completely regret taking a class on the history of soda

Every quiz we've had has been a pop quiz

My local movie theater was robbed of almost $10,000

The thieves got away with three boxes of popcorn, two large sodas, three boxes of candy and a hotdog.

A man gets shipwrecked at sea

After what felt like days floating on wreckage he washes up on an unknown shore.

He starts to wander around the beautiful land, the air smelled sweeter than any air he’d ever breathed, everything looked clearer than real life. His hunger suddenly hits him and he wished for a big sandwich and...

What could one say about a good soda bottle joke?

It's uncanny

What did the alien say to the soda vendor?

Take me to your liter.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's a new soda with viagra in it

it's called Mount and Do

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