What do a Unicorn and an ocean filled with orange soda have in common?

They are both a Fanta Sea

What did Dr. Pepper say when he got pulled over by the soda cops?

Oh no! It's the fizz!

Did you hear about the guy who drowned his boss in soda?

It was done out of pure Sprite.

What do you call a doctor who drinks a lot of soda?

A fizz-ician (physician)

I got hit on the head with a can of soda yesterday.

Lucky it was a soft drink

I go to the store and buy 4 bags of chips and 6 sodas, if I eat 3 bags of chips and drinks 5 sodas what do I have?

No self-control.

I had a job at the soda can factory.

It was soda pressing.

How much soda do you have to drink before it tastes like birds?

Toucans

What do you call a very small bottle of soda?

Minnesota.

Doctor, I’m worried about my son. He spends all day measuring imaginary bottles of orange soda.

Don’t worry ma’am, it’s normal for boys his age to spend their time fantasising.

Back in the days, I'd only take just $1 with me to the supermarket and came back with 3 bottles of soda and 2 bags of crisps

But these days, there are surveillance cameras everywhere

A latino goes to buy soda for 75 cents, he puts 65

The machine reads ‘dime’ so he gets closer and whispers Pepsi

What's the difference between a baby and a soda?

No one has the urge to shake a soda.

How much soda can a tropical bird drink?

Tucans

What does the baking soda say when he gets sad?

I'm sodapressed.

A squirrel in the refrigerator

A man comes home after a hard day’s work and opens the refrigerator

to get a soda. Inside, he sees a squirrel taking a nap.

“What are you doing in my fridge?” the man asks.

The squirrel opens one sleepy eye and says, “Isn’t this a Westinghouse?”

“Um, yes,” the man replies...

I once had the wildest dream, I was able to fly and when I flew over the oceans I saw they were made up of orange soda...

Then I woke up and realized it was a Fanta sea.

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The purple flower joke. (Very long)

Once there was a boy in 5th grade, and he really liked this girl (simp) and he knew that she liked the color purple.

So one day during recess he found these purple flowers and decided to make his move on the girl, so he walked up to her (with the flowers) and said "You are my purple flower" a...

A Baptist preacher sits next to a cowboy on a flight. After the plane takes off, the cowboy asks for a whiskey and soda, which is promptly brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asks the preacher if he would like a drink.

Appalled, the preacher replies, "I'd rather be tied up and taken advantage of
by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."

The cowboy then hands his drink back to the attendant and says, "Me too, I
d...

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A Soda Called Sup

Back in the 80's, the Coca-Cola company sold Sup, a combination of Sprite, 7 Up, and a secret ingredient that was never revealed. It was a beloved beverage that was unfortunately discontinued within a couple months and without any intention of going back on store shelves. People started buying Sup l...

What size soda does Kim Jong-Un buy at 7-11?

A supreme liter.

What do you say to a weird-looking Pokemon that just knocked a drink out of your hand?

"Jynx, you owe me a soda."

My doctor sucks. He said if I don't lay off the soda and red meat, I'll destroy my kidneys.

All that education and he can't even tell the difference between kid knees and adult knees.

What do they call a chemist who makes sodas?

A fizzycist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the most sexual soda?

Mount 'n Do

The girl I like really loves orange soda. Sadly, she's way out of my league.

Is this a Crush, or just a Fanta-sy?

Did you know the baking soda packets are training their children to be police officers?

Yeah, they're raising agents.

If a young dog could drink soda, what would they drink?

Pupsi

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So my friend brought me to an amusement park...

...and we got onto one of the rides. It was one of those really whirly ones, and afterward we got off and I wanted to throw up. My friend got me a bag to throw up in.

After that, I started feeling dizzy. I told him, and he thought it may have been dehydration. We went to get drinks.

T...

My best friend just placed an orange-flavored soda on my head

I think she has a Crush on me

What type of soda do the Avengers drink?

Groot-beer!

My brother is an idiot. He's in hospital with a broken ankle because he tried gluing 3 cans of soda together and using them as stilts.

That'll teach him to get high on coke.

If there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s when kids feel entitled to something like...

“I want an ice cream!”

“I want a soda!”

And now he wants four more years, jeez where’s the limit.

Today in my chemistry lab, the teacher asked a kid to add 4 grams of baking soda to an ounce of vinegar. The moron instead added 4 ounces of baking soda to a pound of vinegar.

It was mass confusion.

where can’t you buy a large soda?

minnesota

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Anything you want

My wife left for work this morning, and almost immediately I got a call from my next door neighbour telling me to come around quick as she needed my help.

So, I knock on her door, and she opens the door in a robe and immediately drags me into the living room. She then drops the robe to revea...

Back in my day, I used to be able to go to the store with $1 and get 2 sodas, 3 chips, and a chocolate bar...

Nowadays there are CCTV cameras everywhere.

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I’ve always dreamt of having a penis as long and wide as a 2 litre bottle of orange soda,

Fanta sized really

9 out of 10 doctors reccommend for children to drink water instead of soda

that 1 doctor lives in flint michigan

I asked my friend why he stopped working his job of squishing soda cans at the recycling factory?

He said that it was soda pressing.

There was a kid in our class named Ed who always drank soda so we called him Fizz Ed

We later shortened it to Jim.

This Thanksgiving I have no soda, and that makes me sad.

You could say I’m soda pressed

My Mom said to stop drinking soda because it has acid in it.

I replied," Stop making such baseless accusations".

A man gets shipwrecked at sea

After what felt like days floating on wreckage he washes up on an unknown shore.

He starts to wander around the beautiful land, the air smelled sweeter than any air he’d ever breathed, everything looked clearer than real life. His hunger suddenly hits him and he wished for a big sandwich and...

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A Girl and Her Sniper Rifle

I had a friend named Sierra once. She was a pretty chill girl. Really only had two defining characteristics about her though, her love of lemon-lime sodas and her innate marksmanship. She was a damn good crackshot.


Her dad was a bit of a gun nut. Owned lots of rifles including a classic...

Soylent Cola, the soda made from grinding up people, is said to not have a set flavor

They say the taste varies from person to person.

Why do I add baking soda to my pumpkin spice lattes?

To make them even more basic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Adam goes to a bar

Adam goes into a bar. Bartender says, "What'll ya have, fella?"

Adam says, "S-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-scotch n-n-n-n-n-n s-s-s-s-s-soda."

Barkeep fills the order, hands it to Adam, who says "th-th-th-th-th-thanks."

Barkeep leans over the counter, motions to Adam, looks left & righ...

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What's a prostitutes favorite soda?

Mount-and-do

There were once two people.

Eim and Ep.

One day, they came across a wizard. After a lot of bargaining, the wizard agreed to grant them each one wish. Ep requested a loving family. Ep was granted a rebellious teen daughter, a wife, and a young son. Eim requested ownership of a toy factory with elf workers that he will tr...

Me: *hits friend with a soda can*

Friend: Ouch! Why did you do that?

Me: Stop complaining, it was a soft drink afterall.

*insert Seinfield theme*

In the 1990's, you could go into any store with just a dollar and get a soda, a bag of chips, and a candy bar. Now you can't. Why?

Because there's cameras everywhere now

My cashier called my coins handsome when I was buying a soda today..

She said "Handsome coins, over"

I go to the store and buy ten hotdogs, nine burgers, three bags of chips, and six sodas. If I eat nine hot dogs, seven burgers, three bags of chips, and drink five sodas, what do I have?

No self control

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A Guy, An Ostrich, and a Cat

Guy goes in a bar with an ostrich and a cat. He orders a beer for himself, a soda for the ostrich, and gin on the rocks for the cat. They drink their drinks, the guy pays with the EXACT change, the cat yells, "I'm not payin!," and they leave. The next day they all come back to the same bar, the g...

What state has the smallest sodas?

Minisoda

High Thoughts

Am I super high or is Sparkling Water just the vegan version of soda?

A son says to his dad, "Hey I'm going to get a soda, you need anything?". The dad says, "Yeah get me a beer. Actually, make it two cans.". The son goes into the kitchen and is gone for about an hour and a half. The door opens and he asks his son, "What the hell took so long?".

The son walks in and says, "Well it wasn't easy. I had to go to like three pet stores before I found one that sold toucans."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In 1985 Viagra began marketing it's own soda beverage

They called it Mount and Do.

Further more in 1986 the FDA decided it could no longer be called a *soft* drink.
Instead they labeled it a cock tail.

I saw two diseases drinking some soda

It was Hep C and Ebola sharing a Pepsi cola

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How do nazis make soda?

They gas the juice.

What sort of scientists does Soda Stream employ?

Fizzyscists

I was feeling really sad while crushing cans today...

It was soda pressing.

I used to work at a place where they crushed down soda cans after they were used.

I had to quit though, because it was just

*soda pressing*

What is a dentist's favorite soda?

All of them.

I've decided to get a PhD in how much soda you should have for the end of the world.

Dr. Prepper, at your service.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store.

After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out the machine! She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient.

"Excuse m...

If my man were a soda...

Three married black women are talking about their love lives with their husbands. They decide to assign each of their men a soda that represents them. The first lady says, "I'd call my man seven-up. 'Cause he's got seven inches and they're always up, up, up."
The second says, "I'd call my man Mo...

A water, a soda, and a beer walk into a bar

The bartender looks at the water and soda and says, "We don't serve your kind around here."

What do you get when you inject soda from a dirty needle?

Pep C

Why would nobody like a soda machine as a politician?

Too self-serving

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It has been mentioned that when cruises start sailing again, the buffets will all be staffed with servers instead of just serving yourself.

The saddest job will be the person who has to push the buttons on the pop dispenser.   Why?   Because it is "soda pressing".


I will see myself out.

What could one say about a good soda bottle joke?

It's uncanny

I haven't been able to have any orange soda since my wife left me

It takes 2 to Tango

What kind of soda do the Guardians of the Galaxy drink?

Groot Beer!

My local movie theater was robbed of almost $10,000

The thieves got away with three boxes of popcorn, two large sodas, three boxes of candy and a hotdog.

I completely regret taking a class on the history of soda

Every quiz we've had has been a pop quiz

A long time worker at a coca cola just lost his job

He is soda pressed now.

What did the alien say to the soda vendor?

Take me to your liter.

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a list of puns!

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

Why did the crushed Pepsi kill himself

He was soda pressed

A Cypriot Joke translated to English!

Two best friends depart their ways from High School to go abroad to make lots of money.

Many years later they meet up at a local a beach Costas says to Andrea how did you get on while abroad did you make a lot of money? Nah he said i been sitting here all these years drinking beers!

Co...

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There's a new soda with viagra in it

it's called Mount and Do

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