I’m just sitting here all sad, crushing soda cans by myself

It’s soda pressing

What do you call a sea full of orange soda?

A fantasea

How much soda do you have to drink before it tastes like birds?

Toucans

What size soda does Kim Jong-Un buy at 7-11?

A supreme liter.

Back in my day, I used to be able to go to the store with $1 and get 2 sodas, 3 chips, and a chocolate bar...

Nowadays there are CCTV cameras everywhere.

The girl I like really loves orange soda. Sadly, she's way out of my league.

Is this a Crush, or just a Fanta-sy?

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda?

He was lucky it was a soft drink.

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I’ve always dreamt of having a penis as long and wide as a 2 litre bottle of orange soda,

Fanta sized really

Did you hear about the guy who drowned his boss in soda?

It was done out of pure Sprite.

I had a dream last night that there was an ocean filled with soda

It was a fantasea

What do you call a very small bottle of soda?

Minnesota.

If a young dog could drink soda, what would they drink?

Pupsi

My best friend just placed an orange-flavored soda on my head

I think she has a Crush on me

What do they call a chemist who makes sodas?

A fizzycist.

I once had the wildest dream, I was able to fly and when I flew over the oceans I saw they were made up of orange soda...

Then I woke up and realized it was a Fanta sea.

My brother is an idiot. He's in hospital with a broken ankle because he tried gluing 3 cans of soda together and using them as stilts.

That'll teach him to get high on coke.

My doctor sucks. He said if I don't lay off the soda and red meat, I'll destroy my kidneys.

All that education and he can't even tell the difference between kid knees and adult knees.

What type of soda do the Avengers drink?

Groot-beer!

I asked my friend why he stopped working his job of squishing soda cans at the recycling factory?

He said that it was soda pressing.

Today in my chemistry lab, the teacher asked a kid to add 4 grams of baking soda to an ounce of vinegar. The moron instead added 4 ounces of baking soda to a pound of vinegar.

It was mass confusion.

where can’t you buy a large soda?

minnesota

This Thanksgiving I have no soda, and that makes me sad.

You could say I’m soda pressed

A Baptist preacher sits next to a cowboy on a flight. After the plane takes off, the cowboy asks for a whiskey and soda, which is promptly brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asks the preacher if he would like a drink.

Appalled, the preacher replies, "I'd rather be tied up and taken advantage of
by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."

The cowboy then hands his drink back to the attendant and says, "Me too, I
d...

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What's the most sexual soda?

Mount 'n Do

What US state has the smallest soft drinks?

Mini-Soda.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Timmy just loves clowns. Favourite thing in the world.

He's got clown bed spread, posters in his room, the whole shabang. Totally idolizes them

One day, Timmy sees that the big top circus is coming to town. He gets so excited that, when it finally arrived, he camps outside the ticket booth, waitimg to get the best seat in the house. And when he g...

Soylent Cola, the soda made from grinding up people, is said to not have a set flavor

They say the taste varies from person to person.

There was a kid in our class named Ed who always drank soda so we called him Fizz Ed

We later shortened it to Jim.

Me: *hits friend with a soda can*

Friend: Ouch! Why did you do that?

Me: Stop complaining, it was a soft drink afterall.

*insert Seinfield theme*

9 out of 10 doctors reccommend for children to drink water instead of soda

that 1 doctor lives in flint michigan

I had a job crushing cans, but I quit.

It was soda-pressing

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It’s the spring of 1961, and Bobby goes to pick up his date.

When he gets to the door, the girl’s father invites him in.

“Carrie is not ready yet, so why don’t you have a seat?” he says.

Carrie’s father then asks Bobby what they plan to do.

“Probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.”

Carries father responds, “Why don’t you two ...

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a list of puns!

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

I saw two diseases drinking some soda

It was Hep C and Ebola sharing a Pepsi cola

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In 1985 Viagra began marketing it's own soda beverage

They called it Mount and Do.

Further more in 1986 the FDA decided it could no longer be called a *soft* drink.
Instead they labeled it a cock tail.

What if I lifted a pack of Coca-Cola over my head for twenty minutes a day every day?

That would be soda pressing.

Why do I add baking soda to my pumpkin spice lattes?

To make them even more basic.

In the 1990's, you could go into any store with just a dollar and get a soda, a bag of chips, and a candy bar. Now you can't. Why?

Because there's cameras everywhere now

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do nazis make soda?

They gas the juice.

My Mom said to stop drinking soda because it has acid in it.

I replied," Stop making such baseless accusations".

I go to the store and buy ten hotdogs, nine burgers, three bags of chips, and six sodas. If I eat nine hot dogs, seven burgers, three bags of chips, and drink five sodas, what do I have?

No self control

My cashier called my coins handsome when I was buying a soda today..

She said "Handsome coins, over"

In a interview, my boss asked me, "Why do you think you should work here?"

I said, "My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned ... couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.

I then tried crushing cans for recycling, but I quit because it was soda-pressing....

You may think I’m paranoid

But I think diet soda is just another form of pop elation control.

What is a dentist's favorite soda?

All of them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's a prostitutes favorite soda?

Mount-and-do

A water, a soda, and a beer walk into a bar

The bartender looks at the water and soda and says, "We don't serve your kind around here."

As Covid19 winds down, another virus is spreading like wildfire

Covid19 may be winding down, but a brand new virus, the ID10t virus, is spreading like wildfire.
Symptoms of the ID10t virus include mental and comprehension issues. Symptoms include schitzophasia, a condition where words are misunderstood. A victim may hear or read a words like "baking soda" a...

I used to work at a place where they crushed down soda cans after they were used.

I had to quit though, because it was just

*soda pressing*

What sort of scientists does Soda Stream employ?

Fizzyscists

What do you get when you inject soda from a dirty needle?

Pep C

What soda do conspiracy theorists stock up on ?

Dr.prepper

I've decided to get a PhD in how much soda you should have for the end of the world.

Dr. Prepper, at your service.

A son says to his dad, "Hey I'm going to get a soda, you need anything?". The dad says, "Yeah get me a beer. Actually, make it two cans.". The son goes into the kitchen and is gone for about an hour and a half. The door opens and he asks his son, "What the hell took so long?".

The son walks in and says, "Well it wasn't easy. I had to go to like three pet stores before I found one that sold toucans."

Why would nobody like a soda machine as a politician?

Too self-serving

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A blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store.

After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out the machine! She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient.

"Excuse m...

A man starts a new job as a bartender.

The manager of the bar was showing him around and said, "You need to know that the customers here order drinks in a peculiar way."

"How so?" asked the new bartender.

"Well, they use a lot of abbreviations instead of the names of the drinks."

"Doesn't sound so bad, I think I can ...

I completely regret taking a class on the history of soda

Every quiz we've had has been a pop quiz

What could one say about a good soda bottle joke?

It's uncanny

I haven't been able to have any orange soda since my wife left me

It takes 2 to Tango

My local movie theater was robbed of almost $10,000

The thieves got away with three boxes of popcorn, two large sodas, three boxes of candy and a hotdog.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Elephant junk

A couple took their young son for his first visit to the circus. When his father left to buy popcorn, the boy asked, "Mom, what's that long thing on the elephant?" "That's the elephant's trunk, dear," she replied. "No, Mom, down underneath." His mother blushed and said, "Oh, that's nothing." The fat...

What kind of soda do the Guardians of the Galaxy drink?

Groot Beer!

What did the alien say to the soda vendor?

Take me to your liter.

If my man were a soda...

Three married black women are talking about their love lives with their husbands. They decide to assign each of their men a soda that represents them. The first lady says, "I'd call my man seven-up. 'Cause he's got seven inches and they're always up, up, up."
The second says, "I'd call my man Mo...

My friend works at Coca-Cola but he's still really sad about it

His job is soda pressing

I regret getting a manager position at soda factory...

It's so-da-grading.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I accidentally gave my dog some baking soda

Now she's a basic bitch.

Jones Soda is good...

...but have you ever tried their Kool-Aid?

A soda company printed Michael Jackson on all of their cans

He really is the king of pop

My wife is really mad at me because I accidentally handed her washing soda instead of baking soda.

It left her foaming at the mouth.

I’ve always wanted to replace the Mediterranean with orange soda

I guess it’s always been my biggest Fanta Sea.

What does Monica Lewinsky and a soda machine have in common?

They both say "insert Bill here"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It took me a while to get this...funny when I did though

Cats probably wonder why soda cans/bottles yell "FUCK OFF" when they are opened...

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There's a new soda with viagra in it

it's called Mount and Do

The movie theatre down the road from my house was robbed of $50,000 last night

The newspaper said that the suspects escaped with 2 large bags of popcorn, 2 candy bars and a large soda

Three ladies were enjoying wine spritzers, when one suggested they play a game!

She proposed each wife describe which Soda Pop best described their husband in bed?

The First Lady said “my husband is Dr.Pepper, because every night he’s peppy”!

They all giggled!

The second lady said “my husband is 7UP, cause he can get it up 7 days a week”!

The ladie...

Two music jokes

Why can't you have soda in F major? Because it would B flat!

Why doesn't D major need glasses? It can C sharp!

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