I go to the store and buy ten hotdogs, nine burgers, three bags of chips, and six sodas. If I eat nine hot dogs, seven burgers, three bags of chips, and drink five sodas, what do I have?

No self control

I’m just sitting here all sad, crushing soda cans by myself

It’s soda pressing

I had a dream last night where I was drowning in an ocean made from orange soda...

It took me a while to figure out that it was a Fanta sea.

What do you get when you inject soda from a dirty needle?

Pep C

I got hit in the head with a can of soda?

Luckily, it was a soft drink.

I've decided to get a PhD in how much soda you should have for the end of the world.

Dr. Prepper, at your service.

Why do I add baking soda to my pumpkin spice lattes?

To make them even more basic.

Soylent Cola, the soda made from grinding up people, is said to not have a set flavor

They say the taste varies from person to person.

My cashier called my coins handsome when I was buying a soda today..

She said "Handsome coins, over"

What is a dentist's favorite soda?

All of them.

A Baptist preacher sits next to a cowboy on a flight. After the plane takes off, the cowboy asks for a whiskey and soda, which is promptly brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asks the preacher if he would like a drink.

Appalled, the preacher replies, "I'd rather be tied up and taken advantage of
by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."

The cowboy then hands his drink back to the attendant and says, "Me too, I

9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda...

That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan...

I haven't been able to have any orange soda since my wife left me

It takes 2 to Tango

My Mom said to stop drinking soda because it has acid in it.

I replied," Stop making such baseless accusations".

A woman was arrested for bringing her own popcorn, candy, and soda to the movie theater.

She was fined and had to pay court fees, but the good news is she still came out a few bucks ahead from if she would have bought the popcorn at the theater.

Why would nobody like a soda machine as a politician?

Too self-serving

I dont really like orange soda.

Im not a fanta be honest

Did you hear about that guy who got fired from the soda factory?

He got canned.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Boobs are like soda

No one likes them flat.

What's a prostitutes favorite soda?


What did the alien say to the soda vendor?

Take me to your liter.

I own a series of vending macines

You know, in parks and stuff, you can get a coke, ginger ale, fanta, etc.

Business was going really well, so well I had to hire a guy to help. Right after I hired him though, sales plummeted.

Trying to figure out why, I went to a few of my macines. The snacks were fine, but the drin...

I got hit in the head this morning by a can of soda...

Don't worry, I'm okay -- it was a soft-drink.

What could one say about a good soda bottle joke?

It's uncanny

A son says to his dad, "Hey I'm going to get a soda, you need anything?". The dad says, "Yeah get me a beer. Actually, make it two cans.". The son goes into the kitchen and is gone for about an hour and a half. The door opens and he asks his son, "What the hell took so long?".

The son walks in and says, "Well it wasn't easy. I had to go to like three pet stores before I found one that sold toucans."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I accidentally gave my dog some baking soda

Now she's a basic bitch.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store.

After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out the machine! She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient.

"Excuse m...

What kind of soda do the Guardians of the Galaxy drink?

Groot Beer!

I regret getting a manager position at soda factory...

It's so-da-grading.

If my man were a soda...

Three married black women are talking about their love lives with their husbands. They decide to assign each of their men a soda that represents them. The first lady says, "I'd call my man seven-up. 'Cause he's got seven inches and they're always up, up, up."
The second says, "I'd call my man Mo...

A soda company printed Michael Jackson on all of their cans

He really is the king of pop

What sort of scientists does Soda Stream employ?


Jones Soda is good...

...but have you ever tried their Kool-Aid?

My wife is really mad at me because I accidentally handed her washing soda instead of baking soda.

It left her foaming at the mouth.

I completely regret taking a class on the history of soda

Every quiz we've had has been a pop quiz

I want to make a sad YouTube channel where I compress soda cans

I'll name it "Soda Pressing"

I’ve always wanted to replace the Mediterranean with orange soda

I guess it’s always been my biggest Fanta Sea.

How much soda should tropical birds drink?

Two cans

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I like my women like I like my soda


Last night I dreamt that I was drinking orange soda...

But the I woke up and realized that it was just a Fanta-sea.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There's a new soda with viagra in it

it's called Mount and Do

What state has the smallest sodas?



This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A company sends a salesman to a middle-eastern country to boost soda sales.

He attempts a visual advertisement campaign.

All around the country, he places billboards with tree pictures, one next to the other: the picture on the left shows a poor man lost in the desert and very thirsty; the middle picture shows the same man drinking the company's drink; the picture o...

whats a math teachers favorite soda

root beer

Why did the can crusher quit his job?

Cuz it was soda pressing.

I'm so sorry everyone

What does Monica Lewinsky and a soda machine have in common?

They both say "insert Bill here"

Back in my day, you could walk into a convenience store with a nickel and get three licorice sticks and some soda.

Now? CCTVs everywhere.

What is a nymphomaniac's favorite soda?

Mountain Dew

Why does no one drink soda in the jungle?

There are only toucans.

I've always dreamed of swimming in an ocean of orange soda

Its a fanta-sea of mine

A latino goes to buy soda for 75 cents, he puts in 65

The machine reads "dime" so he gets closer and whispers "quiero Pepsi".

People who make soda jokes.

People who make soda jokes must know a lot about pop culture.

I ordered a soda and it started groaning in an eerie voice...

When I asked the cashier what was up with my large coke she said "Oh sorry, I thought you ordered a medium."

What do you call a soda that's really sad?

So Dapressed.

I'll leave now.

I rather have a bottle of soda for President than Donald Trump.

This way, we could truly have a Liter of the Free World.

Some say that beer is soda with soul...

No wonder ginger ale isn't alcoholic!

I quit my job as a can crusher

...it was just soda-pressing

What do you get when you put soda in the oven?

Baking soda!... I'll leave now

A movie theater was robbed of $150 worth of candy

The thieves took 2 bags of M n' Ms and a small soda

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three women compare their husband's penises to soda pop

Three middle-aged women sit on a porch and joke about their husbands and agree to use soda pop to describe each man's penis.

The first women says "Mountain Dew." as her husband gets hard like a mountain and just wants to "do do do"

The second women describes her husband's penis as "7up...

What do you call a person who drinks way too much soda?

A Coke-o-nut.

Everyone says soda is bad for you...

but OJ will kill you.

What do you call it when you open a soda for a buddy who is in outer space?

An astrofizzassist.

My Dad says that the soda can is half empty....

We call him Pepsimistic.

I mowed the lawn today, and after

doing so I sat down and had a cold soda.

The day was really quite beautiful,
and the drink facilitated some deep thinking on various topics.

Finally I thought about the age old question:
Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?

Women always maintain t...

I made a line of soda called Bad Wifi

It's not doing so well, everyone keeps saying it isn't refreshing.

A young man is working his first day at a convenience store when a 4-foot tall woman walks in to purchase a bottle of soda.

When she goes up to the counter, he looks at her nervously and then pours the take a penny, leave a penny bowl into the change drawer and tells her that there is no charge. Confused, she asks why he did that. He explains to her that it is his first day on the job and that his boss told him that the ...

A man is rocming a vending machine trying to get a soda for free

Eventually the machines tips and falls on top if the man, cracking 6 of his ribs. Fortunately for the man, there were about 25 Dr.'s were already on the scene.

one day a soda can got crushed

The next day it went to his therapist and said I'm sodapressed

Fewer US schools are selling candy, soda and chips to students

After all, that stuff is horrible for pregnancies!

I used to have a job crushing cans in a soft drink factory all day.

It was soda pressing.