I asked my friend why he stopped working his job of squishing soda cans at the recycling factory?

He said that it was soda pressing.

This Thanksgiving I have no soda, and that makes me sad.

You could say I’m soda pressed

Back in my day I could go to the store with one dollar and come back with a soda and two bags of chips.

But nowadays they have cameras.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It took me a while to get this...funny when I did though

Cats probably wonder why soda cans/bottles yell "FUCK OFF" when they are opened...

Why did the can squishier quit it’s job?

Because it was soda pressing.

A boy asks a girl to prom

So there's this boy in highschool, around 16 years old and he very nervously and timidly asks this beautiful girl out to prom. Out of his league and the most beautiful I'm the school. He's shocked and quite startled when he hears "id love to go!" Leave her lips.
Short on time with days till or, h...

Last Night I Dreamed I was swimming in a pool of Orange Soda.

Luckily it was just a FANTAsea

I had a dream of an ocean of orange soda

It was a Fanta sea

Friend: I'm having a rough year. I have to crush cans for a living.

Me: That's Soda Pressing

The movie theatre down the road from my house was robbed of $50,000 last night

The newspaper said that the suspects escaped with 2 large bags of popcorn, 2 candy bars and a large soda

What do you call a stoner's Coke?

Baking soda

Back in my day, I used to be able to go to the store with $1 and get 2 sodas, 3 chips, and a chocolate bar...

Nowadays there are CCTV cameras everywhere.

DUDE!! I went to the gas station to get a Pepsi

DUDE!! I went to the gas station to get a Pepsi and as I walk up, I noticed these 2 Policemen watching a woman smoking while pumping her gas. I saw her and thought, is this lady stupid and crazy, especially with the Policemen standing RIGHT there. Anyway, I minded my own business and went and picked...

No-one ever wants to work on the can crushing machine

It's just soda pressing.

Three ladies were enjoying wine spritzers, when one suggested they play a game!

She proposed each wife describe which Soda Pop best described their husband in bed?

The First Lady said “my husband is Dr.Pepper, because every night he’s peppy”!

They all giggled!

The second lady said “my husband is 7UP, cause he can get it up 7 days a week”!

The ladie...

A man was sitting

on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she’d like as a gift. “I’d like to be eight again,” she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her birthday, he rose early, made her a nice big b...

What did the sailor say when the sea was filled with soda?

This must be a Fanta-sea!

I screwed my crush the other day, it wasn’t pleasant

Soda cans are really sharp

What do they call a chemist who makes sodas?

A fizzycist.

Just saw a coke can get crushed in front of his family

Soda pressing....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the most sexual soda?

Mount 'n Do

What state has the smallest drinks

Mini-soda

Why does Pepsi always achieve its goals?

It’s soda termined.

I just had to start taking anti-depressants after starting my new career testing the strength of Coke cans...

I love my job, but its soda-pressing

Why was the weight lifter upset after lifting a case of Coke?

It was just soda pressing.

A water, a soda, and a beer walk into a bar

The bartender looks at the water and soda and says, "We don't serve your kind around here."

I saw two diseases drinking some soda

It was Hep C and Ebola sharing a Pepsi cola

I was really looking forward to a drink of Pepsi but when it arrived, it was flat.

Soda pressing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Tax Poem

Tax his land, tax his wage,
Tax his bed in which he lays.
Tax his tractor, tax his mule,
Teach him taxes is the rule.

Tax his cow, tax his goat,
Tax his pants, tax his coat.
Tax his ties, tax his shirts,
Tax his work, tax his dirt.

Tax his chew, tax his smoke,
Teac...

In the 1990's, you could go into any store with just a dollar and get a soda, a bag of chips, and a candy bar. Now you can't. Why?

Because there's cameras everywhere now

Me: *hits friend with a soda can*

Friend: Ouch! Why did you do that?

Me: Stop complaining, it was a soft drink afterall.

*insert Seinfield theme*

A Priest, A Rabbi, and a Minister

A Priest, A Rabbi, and a Minister are in a boat out in the middle of a lake. The priest says, “I’m thirst, I’m going to go get something to drink.” So he steps out of the boat, walks across the water to shore, grabs a soda, and walks back to the boat and climbs in. The minister says, “I’m getting th...

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How do nazis make soda?

They gas the juice.

Thor and Loki enter a bar.

Thor asks for two beers to start off and gets very drunk, but Loki only has water and soda the whole night. They get into a fight with each other. Even though Loki was sober, they both leave the bar hammered.

Grandpa: In my day we worked three times as hard.

Me: In your day soda contained cocaine.

I was at a party and people were only drinking soda.

There was no punch line.

On Bill and Hillary’s wedding night

On Bill and Hillary's wedding night, Bill said " I'll always be truthful to you Hillary, but promise you'll never open this shoebox.

Thinking it's a strange request, Hillary agreed that she never would.

On their 30th anniversary, she stumbles upon the box. Having kept her promise for ...

A psychiatrist asks his patient,

“Are you afraid of change?”

The patient replies, “no!”

“Good, go get me a soda!”

A man and his son are walking by a recycling center when the son notices how forlorn all the workers seem to be.

“Dad, why do they all look so down?”

“Son, you would be too if you had to smash pop cans all day long. It’s soda pressing.”

Sorry

My local movie theater was robbed of almost $10,000

The thieves got away with three boxes of popcorn, two large sodas, three boxes of candy and a hotdog.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a pub and sits on a stool at the bar.

The bartender asks him, "Would you like a drink?"

The man says, "Thank you, I'll have a scotch and soda."

The bartender serves the man his drink and says, "That'll be four-fifty."

The man looked surprised. "Four-fifty what?"

"Four dollars and fifty cents. That's the pr...

There was a kid in our class named Ed who always drank soda so we called him Fizz Ed

We later shortened it to Jim.

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In 1985 Viagra began marketing it's own soda beverage

They called it Mount and Do.

Further more in 1986 the FDA decided it could no longer be called a *soft* drink.
Instead they labeled it a cock tail.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

George

George goes to the doctor after getting some very bad news about his condition.

Doctor: "Unfortunately sir, you have only 1 week to live."

George: "Doctor, what on Earth are you saying?”, clearly shocked. 

“What can I do to live at least a little longer? I don't have any family ...

A drunk man stared at a huge billboard for more than an hour.

The billboard, advertising soda, wanted the world to Drink Canada Dry. So the drunk bought a bus ticket to give it a shot.

I bought a fountain drink and pressed the ice dispenser to fill the cup half way with ice, but I wasn't able to finish the task as it was...

...soda pressing.

What do you get when you inject soda from a dirty needle?

Pep C

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