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Soda Jokes

I’m just sitting here all sad, crushing soda cans by myself

It’s soda pressing

I go to the store and buy 4 bags of chips and 6 sodas, if I eat 3 bags of chips and drinks 5 sodas what do I have?

No self-control.

What's Pamela Andersons favorite soda?

Hepsi!

My local movie theater was robbed of almost $10,000

The thieves got away with three boxes of popcorn, two large sodas, three boxes of candy and a hotdog.

A Baptist preacher sits next to a cowboy on a flight. After the plane takes off, the cowboy asks for a whiskey and soda, which is promptly brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asks the preacher if he would like a drink.

Appalled, the preacher replies, "I'd rather be tied up and taken advantage of
by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."

The cowboy then hands his drink back to the attendant and says, "Me too, I
d...

9 out of 10 doctors reccommend for children to drink water instead of soda

that 1 doctor lives in flint michigan

I dreamed I drowned in an ocean made of orange soda.

When I woke I realized it was just a Fanta sea.

What sort of facial hair does a soda grow?

A root beard

What’s a survivalist’s favorite soda?

Dr.Prepper

Where do organic sodas live?

Carbon Nation

What sort of scientists does Soda Stream employ?

Fizzyscists

Went to a Vikings game with my family and decided I wanted a drink. Wanted the big soda but when I saw the price I decided.....

a Minnesota will do.

The girl who sat behind me in 7th grade math class loved to pour orange soda on my head

Only looking back now, do I realize she had a Crush on me.

What do you call a doctor who drinks a lot of soda?

A fizz-ician (physician)

What do you call a very small bottle of soda?

Minnesota.

How does carbon dioxide make soda so bubbly?

By obeying the laws of fizz-ics.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks up to a soda machine, but a blonde is already there.

He waits as she puts in her quarters, presses the button and collects the drink. Instead of leaving, she puts more money, hits the button, and collects another drink.

This goes on for a couple of minutes, and finally the guy taps her on the shoulder and says “excuse me, what are you doing?”<...

Last night a movie theater was robbed of over $1000 dollars.

The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, two large sodas and a pack of Skittles.

I'm not sure from which country is that happy soda...

... but it seems to be a merry can.

A new soda has been created that's made from the dead.

It's called Decoffinated

I’ve always dreamed of swimming in a body of water filled with soda.

Sadly it’s just a Fanta-sea.

Soda Can

Yesterday someone hit my head with a soda can,
luckily it was a soft drink.

My Mom said to stop drinking soda because it has acid in it.

I replied," Stop making such baseless accusations".

Why are sodas mad after a basketball game?

Sierra missed

How much soda can a tropical bird drink?

Tucans

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the most sexual soda?

Mount 'n Do

What's the difference between a baby and a soda?

No one has the urge to shake a soda.

Soda Pop Boyfriends

At their ten year high school reunion, Mary is seated with her old friend Jane.  Mary tells Jane about her husband who she has been with since high school.  Jane tells Mary that she never did marry but had plenty of boy friends and that she always named the boy friends after soda pops.  Really a...

What size soda does Kim Jong-Un buy at 7-11?

A supreme liter.

This morning I accidentally put baking soda in my wife’s coffee instead of sugar. She didn’t seem to mind though.

She’s basic.

Why do Midwestern girls not like flavored soda?

They always get asked if they want cherry pop.

Did you hear the one about the soda company employee who was out walking on the beach, but drowned?

He was schwepped out to sea

What do they call a chemist who makes sodas?

A fizzycist.

What does the baking soda say when he gets sad?

I'm sodapressed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the horny can of soda say?

Fizz in me

Did you know that if you mix diet coke, bicarb soda, table salt and bleach together in a mop bucket....

You get yelled at by the manager of Walmart

What’s the difference between a ruble and an empty soda can?

An empty soda can is redeemable for cash.

What state has the smallest sodas?

Minisoda



:)

If a young dog could drink soda, what would they drink?

Pupsi

Two girls are talking one day when one says what kind of soda pop is your man?

The first girl says "mine is like 7-up seven inches up in it!"
The second girl says "crown royal"
The First girl responds "that's not a soda pop that's a hard liquor!"
The second girl adds "I know he is!"

My wife is really mad at me because I accidentally handed her washing soda instead of baking soda.

It left her foaming at the mouth.

If my man were a soda...

Three married black women are talking about their love lives with their husbands. They decide to assign each of their men a soda that represents them. The first lady says, "I'd call my man seven-up. 'Cause he's got seven inches and they're always up, up, up."
The second says, "I'd call my man Mo...

What did Dr. Pepper say when he got pulled over by the soda cops?

Oh no! It's the fizz!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Soda Called Sup

Back in the 80's, the Coca-Cola company sold Sup, a combination of Sprite, 7 Up, and a secret ingredient that was never revealed. It was a beloved beverage that was unfortunately discontinued within a couple months and without any intention of going back on store shelves. People started buying Sup l...

Did you hear about the bird collector who didn't buy enough soda for his party?

His guests were disappointed that he only had Toucans

Everyone says soda is bad for you...

but OJ will kill you.

where can’t you buy a large soda?

minnesota

A latino goes to buy soda for 75 cents, he puts 65

The machine reads ‘dime’ so he gets closer and whispers Pepsi

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dowdy housewife with a lisp slipped Viagra into her husband's soda.

As he was drinking it, he asked: honey, what's this soft drink called? She replied: that ithent a thoft dwink, it'th a hard dwink... I call it mount and do.

I hate my job smashing old soda cans

It’s soda pressing

Me: *hits friend with a soda can*

Friend: Ouch! Why did you do that?

Me: Stop complaining, it was a soft drink afterall.

*insert Seinfield theme*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In 1985 Viagra began marketing it's own soda beverage

They called it Mount and Do.

Further more in 1986 the FDA decided it could no longer be called a *soft* drink.
Instead they labeled it a cock tail.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man asks his doctor: "Do you think I'll live to be a hundred?"

The doctor asks the man "Well, that depends. Do you drink?"

"Oh, no sir! I abstain from all alcohol. Soda, too. I just drink plenty of fresh water."

"Do you smoke?"

"No, sir! Never smoked in my life, and I stay away from any place with second hand smoke."

"Do you eat a lo...

Doctor, I’m worried about my son. He spends all day measuring imaginary bottles of orange soda.

Don’t worry ma’am, it’s normal for boys his age to spend their time fantasising.

My best friend just placed an orange-flavored soda on my head

I think she has a Crush on me

whats a math teachers favorite soda

root beer

What is a nymphomaniac's favorite soda?

Mountain Dew

People who make soda jokes.

People who make soda jokes must know a lot about pop culture.

How much soda do you have to drink before it tastes like birds?

Toucans

What does Monica Lewinsky and a soda machine have in common?

They both say "insert Bill here"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’ve always dreamt of having a penis as long and wide as a 2 litre bottle of orange soda,

Fanta sized really

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do nazis make soda?

They gas the juice.

I saw two diseases drinking some soda

It was Hep C and Ebola sharing a Pepsi cola

There was a kid in our class named Ed who always drank soda so we called him Fizz Ed

We later shortened it to Jim.

I'm feeling sad because I went to the supermarket today for the sale they had on ginger ale but they were dumping all their stock into a hydraulic crusher out back.

It was soda pressing.

The girl I like really loves orange soda. Sadly, she's way out of my league.

Is this a Crush, or just a Fanta-sy?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I accidentally gave my dog some baking soda

Now she's a basic bitch.

This Thanksgiving I have no soda, and that makes me sad.

You could say I’m soda pressed

Why would nobody like a soda machine as a politician?

Too self-serving

I completely regret taking a class on the history of soda

Every quiz we've had has been a pop quiz

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A list of puns

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

What do you call a soda that's really sad?

So Dapressed.



I'll leave now.

Today in my chemistry lab, the teacher asked a kid to add 4 grams of baking soda to an ounce of vinegar. The moron instead added 4 ounces of baking soda to a pound of vinegar.

It was mass confusion.

What could one say about a good soda bottle joke?

It's uncanny

A water, a soda, and a beer walk into a bar

The bartender looks at the water and soda and says, "We don't serve your kind around here."

I walked into wal-mart. I buy box of soda and ramen cups. The lady at the check-out looks at me and my purchase and goes...

"You must be single"

"Because of what im buying?"

"No, because youre ugly"

I always wondered where those little cans of soda came from until I carefully read the writing on one...

...it said, "Made in Halfcanistan"

What kind of soda do the Guardians of the Galaxy drink?

Groot Beer!

What did the alien say to the soda vendor?

Take me to your liter.

I’ve always wanted to replace the Mediterranean with orange soda

I guess it’s always been my biggest Fanta Sea.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three women compare their husband's penises to soda pop

Three middle-aged women sit on a porch and joke about their husbands and agree to use soda pop to describe each man's penis.

The first women says "Mountain Dew." as her husband gets hard like a mountain and just wants to "do do do"

The second women describes her husband's penis as "7up...

Did you know the baking soda packets are training their children to be police officers?

Yeah, they're raising agents.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

one day a soda can got crushed

The next day it went to his therapist and said I'm sodapressed

What do you get when you inject soda from a dirty needle?

Pep C

Soda joke

Why was the CEO of Pepsi fired?



They caught him with an ounce of coke in his system.

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