A couple is buying popcorn at the concession stand in the cinema...

Vendor: Do you want your popcorn sweet or salty?

Guy looks lovingly at his girlfriend and says: I want my popcorn like my girlfriend

Vendor: Dude, we don't sell ugly popcorn

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Popcorn is the gayest snack...

Because you're eating busted nuts.

Dying me and popcorn.

[about to get the electric chair]

executioner: why would you choose this as your last meal

me: [eating another spoon full of unpopped popcorn kernels] you'll see

What did one popcorn bag say to the other?

I bet you're pretty pop-ular.







Please don't kill me. . .

Movie Theater Popcorn is Like a Drunken One Night Stand

You know you're going to hate yourself after.
You might even hate yourself during.
You feel gross after you're done.
It gets on and in your clothes, hands and hair.
You usually eat it in the dark.
Somewhere in the back of your mind you know that it's been laying in the same bin si...

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How many Redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

17 purists who use candles and...

What does a baby corn call his dad?

Popcorn.

What starts with a 'p' and ends with a 'orn'?

Popcorn

Popcorn, ice, sand, water

is my bucket list. What's yours?

Why don’t people like hearing jokes about popcorn?

They’re too corny

What do emos and unsalted popcorn have in common?

They're both white and flavorless

I wonder if the first person to pop popcorn suddenly had the urge to...

watch a movie.

What does a gymnast put on their popcorn?

Sommer-salt.

"My date hasn't arrived yet, but I would like to buy her a bag of popcorn," I told the cinema assistant.

"Small, medium or large?" he asked.



"Large," I replied. "If her picture on Tinder is anything to go by."

I got fined $50 for sneaking popcorn and a drink into the movie theater.

It's ok though, it still saved me money.

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What did the popcorn get charged for?

A-salt & Buttery.

Before i die im going to eat a whole bag of un-poped popcorn

Hopefully it will make the cremation a bit more interesting

A man has a chicken on his head

He goes to the movie theater and says, "I'd like 2 tickets please."

The kid at the booth says, "You can't bring your chicken in here."

So the man walks around the block and puts the chicken in his pants and returns to purchase his ticket.

While watching the movie the man procee...

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Someone should really put marijuana butter on popcorn and sell it...

they could call it Mari Poppins.

What rank does Corn have in the Vegetable Army?

Colonel!

I just thought of that while eating popcorn, I hope this hasnt been already posted.

It's awkward touching hands with a woman in a popcorn bag.

Especially if you don't know her and she doesn't know that you're eating her popcorn.

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Why did the police officer arrest the popcorn?

It was guilty of all salt and buttery.

Why don’t zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?

They prefer to eat their fingers separately.

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What else could he say??

A young couple decided to take their 5 year old son to see the circus. After several amazing acts, the ringmaster led six bull elephants into the center ring, linked trunk to tail in the usual manner.

"What's that big thing hanging off the elephant, Mommy?" Little Johnny asked.

"That...

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A joke I heard from my grandmother

An old farmer went into to town to buy a cock (rooster) and some supplies. The supplies cost less than expected. With some extra cash and time on his hands, the farmer thought he would catch a movie at the local theater.
Arriving at the theater the farmer realized that he did not have a way to k...

This Valentine's Day, 1 in 3 people will be crying into a bag of popcorn while watching Netflix alone.

Not me, though. I can't afford a subscription.

What does Linus Torvalds get when he drops his popcorn?

Kernel panic.

Why did the old lady name her cat "Popcorn"?

Because she liked to put it in the microwave.

Courtesy of my four year old

Q: What do baby corns call their daddy?

A: Popcorn

A family is at the zoo with their young son

They’re walking into the elephant exhibit and the dad steps away to go get some popcorn. As the son is looking at the elephants, he turns to his mother and asks

“Mom, what’s that hanging down between the elephants legs?”

“Oh that’s his trunk sweetie, it’s kind of like their nose”
...

Why do Artificially Intelligent systems fear popcorn?

Kernel panic.

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Timmy just loves clowns. Favourite thing in the world.

He's got clown bed spread, posters in his room, the whole shabang. Totally idolizes them

One day, Timmy sees that the big top circus is coming to town. He gets so excited that, when it finally arrived, he camps outside the ticket booth, waitimg to get the best seat in the house. And when he g...

The horse joke - translated

From Bosnia (with love)

A horse walks through a corn field and smokes a cigarette. A cigarette falls and lights a field. The corn starts to pop, and the popcorn is now all over the field.
The horse thinks it is snowing and freezes.

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There once was this guy who was going on a date to the movies with a beautiful girl.

-Edit my dad told me this joke and I just got some of the parts I remembered but I’m pretty sure this is all it

Before he went, he made the mistake of eating a jumbo can of beans. Right after he picked her up, he felt the need to fart, but he figured he could wait until they got to the movies...

I was on my bed, relaxing and eating popcorn, when I noticed my pillow was missing it's pillowcase.

I started looking for it in the darkness of my room(I still had a little bit of light). I saw a blanket-ish shadow in my peripheral vision. I reached for it, thinking it was the pillowcase. However, after pressing down on it and hearing the loud, crinkly noise of a near-empty bag of popcorn, I soon ...

The Popcorn Army is very similar to most other armies...

the main difference is the ranking system: everyone starts out as a Kernel.

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Splashed out and finally got a microwave oven. Its one of the really high tech ones.

Its got buttons and settings for all kinds of foods, even popcorn. Its got multiple power settings and a memory.

So I got a whole frozen chicken and popped it in. Pressed "Defrost", then "Chicken" then, "1.8 kgs".

The display showed 15 minutes and I pressed "Start".

Then the mi...

I met a man with the last name Popcorn. He said he was in the military...

He was a kernel.

A clown at the circus gave me some free popcorn.

That was a very kind jester.

If I had a dollar every time a customer complained about the price of cinema food.

I could almost afford a small popcorn.

Edit: With all the complaining in the comments I could add a drink as well.

Nah cheers guys. Sorry about the cost of movie food. It’s the CEO’s fault not the person behind the counter. Please stop yelling at us. We are very small and we have no m...

My local movie theater was robbed of almost $10,000

The thieves got away with three boxes of popcorn, two large sodas, three boxes of candy and a hotdog.

What do you call pizza, pop, and popcorn?

An alliterated lunch.

I tried sharing a bag of popcorn with a homeless guy recently

He told me to screw off and buy my own

Last night a movie theater was robbed of over $1000 dollars.

The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, two large sodas and a pack of Skittles.

I got thrown out of the cinema for throwing popcorn at the back of people's heads.

I also lost my job behind the popcorn counter.

After waiting more than an hour and a half for her date, the young lady decided she'd been stood up.

Exasperated, she changed from her dinner dress into pajamas and slippers, fixed some popcorn and resigned herself to an evening of TV. 

No sooner had she flopped down in front of the TV than her doorbell rang. 

There stood her date. 

He took one look at her and said "I'm two ho...

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I can't watch erotic law enforcement videos without snacks.

I need popcorn for my cop porn.

What does popcorn and KFC have in common?

Greasy, old kernals

What did mammy corn say to baby corn when daddy didn't come home?????

Wheres popcorn.

Sorry for the corny joke.

What's a word that has "p" and "orn" in it?

Popcorn.

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At the movies last night, saw somebody get into an altercation with the guy working the popcorn machine.

Dude ended up getting charged for a salt and buttery.

I tape microwave popcorn to the ceiling cause

it's cheaper than a smoke alarm.

Why did the chicken jump into the bag of popcorn?

The kernel was looking for him.

A guy was throwing popcorn at the back of my head in the cinema.

I turned around and said, "You and me...when this film finishes...let's sort this out."

He said, "OK then."

And then, when it was over, we cleared away all the popcorn like respectable men.

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A man walks into a bar...

...with a little monkey on his shoulder. Man orders a beer and the little monkey is excitedly looking around at all the sights. Man sips on his beer and the monkey spies a bowl of peanuts at one end of the bar so he scampers over and proceeds to scarf down all the peanuts. Bartender sees all this, l...

The movie theatre down the road from my house was robbed of $50,000 last night

The newspaper said that the suspects escaped with 2 large bags of popcorn, 2 candy bars and a large soda

Now, that would be the absolute last laugh

I want to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels before I die. Imagine the reaction of the guy that works at the cremation center!!

A man was sitting

on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she’d like as a gift. “I’d like to be eight again,” she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her birthday, he rose early, made her a nice big b...

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ALEX TREBEK: This accidental discovery in 1928 opened the door to modern antibiotics

**ME:** *(spraying a mouthful of popcorn)* WHAT IS A DOORKNOB?!

Chocolate, icecream, cookies, mars bars, doritos, popcorn, milky ways, kit kats and lays!

i wrote this joke to reach a wider audience.

What do you call a really high ranking snack?

A popcorn colonel.

I worked at a movie theater for five days

Despite my short time working there, I'll never forget one customer. On my first day there, I watched him enter the theater to watch the latest summer blockbuster. A few hours later, he walked out, looking a little frustrated. It was my first day, and I wanted to be helpful, so I went up to him and ...

A man goes to the movies. . .

but when he sits down he notices that the person in the seat next to him looks like a penguin. with a bucket of popcorn on it's 'lap'.

Well, he can't believe his eyes since the cinema is dim and all that.

'It must be a kid in a costume' he thinks to himself.

But as he looks clos...

what did the kid-corn say to the mom-corn

Wheres the popcorn

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A guy walks into a bar...

He strolls up to the bartender and says “I’ll take.......a pint of Guinness........and a bowl.....of popcorn.”

The bartender pours his beer and sets some popcorn in front of him. The gentlemen reaches for his beer, revealing that he is wearing two EXTREMELY large fake bear hands.

Curi...

I just burnt 400 calories.

I left the popcorn in the microwave for too long.

A girl is excited to finally go on a date...

... Her date picks her up and asks her what she would like to do. She says, "Weigh me." She they go inside and she weights 135. Then they have a great dinner. He then asks, "What would you like to do now?" She says, "Weigh me." They find a pay scale and she now weights 133. They go to a movie and ea...

A man goes to the movie theatre with his duck...

A man goes to the movie theatre with his duck. The ticket agent looks at the man and then at the duck, which is on a leash. The ticket agent states that the duck is not permitted in the theatre. The man explains that the duck is his service pet. However, because he didn’t have his service pet ...

Friend: Did you hear about the robbery at the movie theatre the other day?

Me: No, what?

Friend: Yeah, apparently they stole more than $1000 worth of stuff

Me: Oh my god, what stuff?

Friend: 5 cokes and 10 popcorns

I went to the Cinema yesterday...

...I was buying popcorn, a drink and some sweets.

As I went to pay I said, "I'm ever so sorry, I've only got a £50 note."

The lady said, "That's ok, you can put the sweets back!"

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A joke told by Ronald Reagan

Fidel Castro had just started one of his long, boring speeches when an older man in the crowd was heard saying, "Peanuts. Popcorn. Cracker Jack."

Castro didn't break his stride but a few minutes later, a second voice was heard but with the same message, "Peanuts. Popcorn. Cracker Jack."
...

A local movie theatre was robbed of $600 worth of merchandise

The suspects stole 3 medium popcorns, 1 bag of skittles and 4 small diet cokes.

A man once entered an asylum

The patients kept jumping shouting"we are popcorn! we are popcorn!" Except for one guy who was sitting quietly in a corner so the man thought that he is the only sane person here and asked him "why don't you jump,shout like your mates?" The guy replied "please leave me alone i stuck to the cooking p...

A cannibal gets a job at a cinema.

After finishing training, the manager decides that the cannibal is ready to start selling concessions, and tells him that if he has any questions, dont be afraid to ask him. All seems to be going well, but then a man and a woman walk in and ask for some popcorn and soda. The cannibal is confused b...

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More Golf Jokes...

On the 16th hole of the golf course, Fred had hit his ball into the woods. Harry, his partner had laughed and poked fun, but then somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods, just a few yards beyond. Fred looked for a long time, getting angrier every minute. Finally, in a patch of pretty yellow b...

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What's the difference between two policemen fucking in the back of their car and a cinema snack?

One is popcorn.

The other is cop porn.

A guy asks a girl to the carnival.

She says yes! So they meet up and head out for their date.

He wasn't the only one with this idea. There were so many people there that there were lines around the block to get in.

When they were finally admitted, they wanted to go on some rides. So they found the Ferris wheel line and ...

I was at the cinema and this couple were kissing in front of us, not even watching the movie. How wasteful can you be with your money!

So I threw my bag of popcorn at them.

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A Man and his Goose .....

A man and a goose are best friends. They do everything together. One day the man says to the goose, "Let's go see a movie." The goose agrees, and they both make their way to the movie theater. Upon arrival the woman at the ticket counter says, "I'm sorry sir, you cannot bring your pet into the movie...

Chicken joke

Farmer wants to go to the movies, but they won't let him bring in his pet chicken. He goes around the corner, stuffs the chicken down his pants,goes in and sits down next to two old ladies, Ethel and Ruth.

After the movie starts, Ruth leans over to Ethel and says,"this man next to me just un...

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So, one fine day, a man is strolling through an open-air market place.

He stops at one of the live animal stalls and buys a chicken thinking that he will take it home, and make a nice chicken stew for dinner. On his way home he passes a theater that is showing a movie that he has been wanting to see and he decides to go in. The woman at the box office sees the chicken ...

There was a bad accident at the Air Force base.

A jeep ran over a bag of popcorn and killed two kernels.

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The other day i was in my room..

And here comes my grandpa,talking shit about me.So i took him downstairs and started making popcorn.


Did i mention he is a Veteran?

I took Blondie to the movies

Just as the movie was about to start, she got up to leave.
"Where are you going?" I whispered. "The movie is about to start."
"I have to go outside," she said.
"Why on Earth do you have to go outside right now?"
"The movie man said to silence my cell phone," she pointed at the screen....

A guy brings his pet duck with him to the movies.

The ticket seller tells him "You cant bring a duck in here, sir!"

The man, feeling dissapointed, walks away with his duck.

He thinks "Maybe I can sneak him in!"

So the guy takes his duck and stuffs him into his pants and returns to the ticket window to buy his ticket.

...

Did you hear about the movie theater that lost thousands of dollars?

The thief made off with a large popcorn and some candy.

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A guy goes to the cinema....

After doing a spot of shopping a guy decides to go the cinema, unfortunately for him he has just bought a pet tortoise and the cinema has a no pets policy. Not to be beaten the guy sticks the tortoise down the front of his pants and goes in to watch his film.

Just as the lights go down he unz...

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I was on a date with a girl at the cinema.

We both put our hands into the popcorn at the same time, so to make it less awkward, I said, "Don't worry, that's not the one I masturbate with."

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