What is a shoe repairman's favorite dessert?

Tearinmyshoe

After finishing my meal, the waiter gave me the dessert menu.

"Can I ask you something?" I said.



"Certainly," he replied.



I said, "Why did you just eat my food?"

What do you call a dessert that lets anyone eat it?

A pan-cake.

What do cats have for dessert?

Mice Crispies

What dessert do you eat at a zoo?

Tirami-zoo





I want to die

What’s the most racist dessert?

Cake cake cake!

What's that Italian dessert called where you pour espresso coffee over ice cream?

Everyone I ask can't remember either.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a convenience store, and he grabs a single-serving meal, a single-serving drink, a single-serving toothpaste, a single-serving dessert, single-serving everything, and he goes up to the counter with it.

The woman at the counter says, "Let me guess, you're single?" And he says, "Yeah, how could you tell?" And she says, "Because you're really fucking ugly."

I went to a restaurant and the waiter sat me down and asked if I'd like to see a dessert menu.

I said "No, that's the last thing I want".

What does a polygamist family have for dessert every week?

Birthday Cake

Steve likes Flowers

Every week, he goes to a different florist in his city, and buys a different kind of flower, trying to find what looks and smells best. On this occasion, however, he struggles to find one that fits his vibe for the week. Seeing his struggle, the young florist walks up.

"Hi!" She says with a ...

What does an Italian dementia patient eat for dessert?

Affogato.

What's an Australian ghost's favourite dessert?

Boo-meringue.

My wife said I was overconfident by transporting Spanish desserts in the center console of my car. I didn't care.

But then the shift hit the flan.

I had a dream that there was a dessert food made with sugar, cornstarch, and cocoa. In case any of you want to make it a reality...

I’m just pudding it out there.

What's Darth Vader's favorite dessert?

Only one cannoli

What is a heavy metal musician's favorite dessert?

Ice cream!

What’s a cannibals favorite dessert?

A danish...

My grandma made me my favorite dessert, strudel.

Unfortunately I couldn't eat it since it was stollen.

A girl from a strict family.

There was a girl from a very strict family. Her father absolutely hated fruits and no one in the family was allowed to eat them. As far as the girl knew her Uncle had died from choking on an apple which is why they were banned.

All through her school years she longed to taste any fruit, s...

What dessert always comes back to you when you throw it away? [OC AFAIK]

A Blue Meringue

Why did the waitress say when Rick Astley asked to fast track his order of apple pie and vanilla ice cream?

I"m never gonna run around and dessert you.

What's a monkeys favourite dessert?

Lemon Morangutan Pie.

I'm sorry.

Last night in Jail they gave us mint chocolates for dessert. I thought they'd be be gross but they were actually pretty good.

Turns out that in-prison mint isn't as bad as I expected.

What kind of dessert comes out of a musical volcano?

Bach Lava

What do you call dough-based dessert items outside of a planet's atmosphere?

Spastries

What kind of dessert is the most fattening?

wedding cake

A penguin is driving along...

A penguin is driving along when he starts having engine trouble, lights blinking...steam hissing..

He pulls over at the first repair shop he sees and the mechanic comes out to meet him. After a minute or two, the mechanic tells the penguin, "I'm a little backed up now, but if you give me a co...

What did the thesaurus have for dessert?

A synonym bun.

A waiter was serving someone when they dropped a spoon...

So the waiter pulled a spoon out of his top pocket. The man questioned why the waiter had a spoon in his pocket and started eating his dessert. The waiter replied we did a study and it showed that 70% of customers drop spoons so it saves us time having one with us. The customer looked intrigued and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What dessert do they serve in porn videos?

Hiscream

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A ship wrecks onto a dessert island

Two guys and a girl survive. Since they don't have anything to do all day besides eating and sleeping, they just have sex. Eventually the girl gets sick and dies. The two men don't know what to do with themselves anymore, so they keep having sex.
After a few days of sex, they feel guilty about wh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Every day after dessert, Marvin and Ethel meet in their spot at the back of the nursing home and they start to kiss.

Progressively, their kissing gets more and more intense. And since Marvin is a very desirable man among the other elderly ladies, Ethel has to make their sessions interesting so he doesn’t leave her. So, every day Ethel will slide her hand down Marvin’s torso and grab his penis and she will leave he...

Me: What's the name of the dessert where you put an espresso over ice cream?

Colleague: Affogato

Me: Yeah I forgot too, I'm sure there's a name for it...

What's it called when you see desserts out of the corner of your eye?

Profiterole vision

People make fake IDs to get into bars. That’s all well and good but I’d rather have 365 IDs that have different birthdays on them so I could get free desserts at every restaurant I go to

Just makes sense really

A Lumberjack went for a job, interviewer said tell me your previous employment, he said I cut down all the trees in the Sahara, interviewer, but the Sahara is a dessert.

Lumberjack says yeah it is now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly woman passes, leaving her life-long husband a lonely widower.

As time goes on, his life begins to unravel as he spirals into a pit of despair. This does not go unnoticed by his adult children, who grasp at any opportunity to cheer him up. Finally, one of them convinces him to grudgingly attend an evening game at the local bingo hall, knowing that he'll be in t...

Why didn't the expired dessert get invited to the party?

It was very off pudding.

Grammar is bringing dessert.

The synonym rolls are amazing

Walter and Agnes have been married for 50 years.

They’ve had a beautiful life together, but as they’ve gotten older, they’ve become more forgetful. Walter even went to play a round of golf the other day and forgot his clubs!

Agnes decided it was time to go to the doctor and see if anything could be done about their memory problems. The doct...

What did the dessert do after filing for divorce?

She took custardy of the kids.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A jew and an American are on a train together. (Sorry for a possibly incorrect or missing flair, I can't flair for some reason)

The American has lots of food. Burgers as the main course, coca cola as the drink, and Twinkies for dessert. The jew has very little food, just some dried fish.



The jew tells the American: "You should give me your burgers and other food in exchange for my fish. It contains phosphorus ...

What is the Italian man's, with short term amnesia, favourite dessert?

Affogato!

What's the difference between a cold dessert and an injured girlfriend?

One is ice cream and the other is a sore bae.

I was having the worst possible day. To cap it off my baker screwed up the topping of my birthday dessert!

It was the icing on the cake.

Would you like to try our new Banana Split dessert?

It has a lot of a-peel.

(I tell this one at work all the time 😝)

what did the robot order at the take away place?

computer chips with a dessert of raspberry pi

Why didn’t the prawn share his dessert?

The piece of shrimp was shellfish!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three boys plan to swear in front of their mom.

After dinner, the mother asks her sons what they want for dessert. The first and eldest son says "I want some goddamn ice cream!" The mother spanks the boy and sends him to his room with no dessert. She then asks the second boy what he wants for dessert, and he tells her "I want some goddamn ice cr...

What is a white knight's favorite dessert?

Marm'lady

What is Grey Worm’s favorite dessert?

Me Sundae

My girlfriend left me after I said she reminded me of our dessert, a baked Alaska.

Fire hot on the outside, but ice cold on the inside. I should have just said sweet.

What dessert best describes your girlfriend after a workout?

Sorbet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wasn't allowed to eat dessert tonight til after I masterbated...

Because how can you have any pudding if you don't beat your meat?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a Hawaiian sex act, and coincidentally, my favorite dessert?

Coconut cream pie

What is Ben Sharpiro's favorite dessert?

Lib-tarts.

What’s Darth Vader’s favorite dessert?

*coooooo*

*kieeeee*

Who Says Retirees are not Naughty

One Retirees group decided to meet over lunch.

All 15 of them met and had good food, drinks and dessert. Then the bill arrived. All 15 of them rushed to grab the bill for payment. There was a scene with everyone fighting to take the bill.

The Hotel Manager saw this and appreciated the...

I’m not sure where to report this, but someone broke into my house during the lockdown and replaced all my pants, with smaller pants. Every single pair. I’m not sure what kind of sicko gets off on this...

But you need to take a good long look in the mirror, cuz you’re going to get your just desserts, weight and see buddy I’m on the look out for you.

I'm so disappointed. I bought dessert for a traditional German Christmas dinner.

But it was stollen.

Why didn’t the Clemson football team get to have dessert?

Ice cream machine was broken.

What is Donald Trump's favorite dessert?

Vladimir Pudding ;)

What do bank robbers eat for dessert?

Heist Cream

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Watched a cooking show the other day and the dessert they served was quite unsettling. It consisted of a female prostitute that had been hung, drawn and quartered...

They called it a Deconstructed Tart.

I tried making dessert, but I only had sour milk.

It was quite off pudding.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A Man is stranded on a dessert island with only a dog and a sheep for company...

After many months the man can't take it anymore and decides to have sex with the sheep but everytime he goes to do the deed the dog starts barking uncontollably and ruins the mood.
a few weeks later the man is walking along the beach when he comes across an absolutely gorgeous woman washed up on ...

The moment I start enjoying Mexican custard dessert dishes..

Start flanning my funeral.

What do Women's Studies majors like after dessert?

A tip

Steps on how to survive being stranded on a dessert island.

1) Check spelling.
2) If correct, enjoy.

What type of ape smells like French dessert?

Meringueutan

What was Romeo and Juliet's just dessert?

Cantaloupe.

What was Prince’s favorite dessert?

Raspberry Sorbet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once put my dick in a dessert.

And I was fucking dis custard.

A man is murdered in a dessert factory.

The defendant is clearly guilty, but the investigators struggle to find the murder weapon to properly incriminate him. Where could it possibly have been hidden? The lead investigator is at a loss, when one day he suddenly jumps from his desk as it comes to him.
“The proof is in the pudding!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Anniversary

Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their
honor.



"Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed son number one ....'Sorry I'm
running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know
how it is, and I didn't have time to get you a gift...

I asked a grocery store worker where I could find cakes, pastries and Twinkies and the like and he took me over to the right place, telling me this is the proper spot but then left me before I could find what I was looking for and I couldn't leave until I found it.

So, yes, I was stranded on a desserted aisle.

I walked into a muslim dessert place

...they served a pretty good Apple pie A-llah-mode.

What do you get when you cross dessert with a monkey?

A Meringueutan

Why didn’t the turkey eat dessert?

Because it was already stuffed, guys!

Dorothy and Edna, two senior widows, are talking.

Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date.
I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk
with you about him before I give him my answer."

Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment
punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in...

What do you call a gross dessert?

Ajit Pai

I went to the restaurant "Karma" the other day. There's no menu, and no entrees.

You get just desserts.

Did anyone else get charged for their dessert at Thanksgiving??

It's my fault really. I shouldn't have had a slice of the Ajit Pai.

Entitled Parent Joke

So I was at a restaurant with my family and this woman came up with a child. She looked about 40 with blonde hair. The child looked about 5 with also blonde hair. The child was crying at the time and the woman started to nag at us. Apparently, the child wanted a dessert and, lucky for us, we were th...

A found a dessert trying to sell me military secrets in my bed last night.

It was an under covers pie.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've recently learnt about a sexual fetish involving having sex with desserts.....

It's left me fucking 'dis custard!

What's Mohammed, Moses and Noah's favourite dessert?

Propheteroles

What do you call a member of the armed forces who abandons his diet?

A desserter.

Polish Cruise

A Polish guy is walking down the street in Chicago when he sees a sign outside a bar:

"Polish Special: Dinner and a Cruise, $3.00!"

So the guy walks in. Immediately he is hit in the head and knocked out.

When he wakes up, he's floating in Lake Michigan in a barrel with an apple ...

What did Jesus eat for dessert after the Last Supper?

an Easter Sundae

A man is stranded on a dessert island

and it was delicious.

Just what is it that makes Italian desserts so appealing?

One cannoli guess.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.