Waiter! Why does my dessert have a shoe print in it?

Sir, you did say "Apple pie and step on it!"

Refusing dessert after eating Chinese food...

Will cost you a fortune.

There's a lot of bad jokes. Especially the one about the dessert thief

That one really takes the cake

what's a nerds favourite dessert?

Raspberry pi

What dessert do golfers eat?

Parfait

Dessert??

My wife made dessert with expired milk.

It was really off pudding.

What is a dwarf's favorite dessert?

Shortcake

Nobody will upvote a cake joke in my birthday

I feel desserted.



Happy cake day to me :)

What do you get if you eat 3.14 desserts?

You probably get Fat.

What? were you expecting a pi joke?

Not on my cake day!

Why did the Teddy bear say no to the dessert.?

Because she was stuffed

My latest manual on evaluating desserts got pulled from stores

Apparently they made pie rating textbooks illegal

After finishing my meal, the waiter gave me the dessert menu.

"Can I ask you something?" I said.



"Certainly," he replied.



I said, "Why did you just eat my food?"

Last night in jail, they gave us mint chocolates for dessert. I thought they'd be be gross, but they were actually pretty good. Turns out...

That in-prison mint isn't as bad as I expected!

Two Lawyers are sharing dessert

Two lawyers are sharing a dessert of a flourless chocolate tort. When the bill comes, one lawyer asks the other lawyer, "what's the damages"?

What does an Australian ghost eat for dessert?

Boo meringue

What do you call a website where you pay to look at pictures of Spanish desserts?

OnlyFlans

Why can’t you hide from an Italian dessert?

You cannoli run.

Nobody will upvote a cake joke in my birthday

I feel desserted

Edit: oh wow, this was my first time karma whoring on my cake day and I honestly wasn’t expecting this much attention. Thank you for all the awards and sorry if I didn’t respond to all the messages.

Shoutout to u/sse2k for “letting” me repost his joke.

What do cats have for dessert?

Mice Crispies

What's that Italian dessert called where you pour espresso coffee over ice cream?

Everyone I ask can't remember either.

In the buffet of life, friends are like dessert

You eat them last and they taste the best

I went online looking for some new recipies for dessert.

I clicked on accept cookies, but I'm still waiting for them to show up.

What battery makes the best dessert?

Lithi - yums

What did the French dessert say when it was leaving?

Bonbon voyage

What is a ghosts favorite kind of dessert?

What is a ghosts favorite kind of dessert?

Boo-berry pie!

What do you call a really awesome dessert?

Flantastic!

(reposted because the original said desert, darn autocorrect)

What did the Italian waiter say to the couple when he forgot their dessert?

"Affogato!"

It’s my cake day and no one cares

I feel caked…pied….I mean desserted

Nobody will upvote a cake joke on cake day

Feeling desserted

An American white guy visits India.

Wanting to get a more authentic experience, he goes to an Indian restaurant and tells them to serve him their specials, no questions asked. After eating a few bites, he calls the waiter and says, "Hey, this is brilliant food, but I just have a tiny request. This is a tad bit too spicy for my taste, ...

Even though it's my cake day and I absolutely love cake...

Never gonna run around and dessert you

What is a shoe repairman's favorite dessert?

Tearinmyshoe

What's Darth Vader's favorite dessert?

Only one cannoli

Told to me by a six year old.

Why was the snow yellow?

Because Elsa let it go!


I am a waiter and I have regular family every week on Monday. I exchange jokes with the youngest boy and he always wins free dessert. This week however he won a free meal for the whole family. I laughed til I made yellow snow
...

Birthday dessert

Bob and a few of his coworkers go out to lunch to celebrate Bob's birthday.

Bob, Tim, and Susan are sitting together in the booth when the waitress approaches. She hands them their menus and says, "Good afternoon fellas! Welcome to Ruby Taste Kitchen! Before we get started, might I ask if you...

What's a carpenter's favorite dessert flavor?

Plumb Jamb

A man is wandering the dessert, having lost his way, when he comes across a friendly looking salesman with a suitcase.

'Good day to you, good sir', the salesman greets him.
'Water, please!' is all the man manages to say through his sore throat.

'Oh, I'm afraid I don't have any water on me. But I can offer you one of these stylish ties.' With that he opens his suitcase and presents a collection of colored t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is sex referred to as a dessert?

because it ends in a creampie

I went on a cruise once, and we were hit by a gigantic wave, and the boat sank.

I woke up on a sugar sand beach, with gigantic cotton candy clouds filling the sky, and the sea glistened under the setting sun like a pool of honey, next to me was a volleyball that looked like a marshmallow. Towering above me was a gigantic volcano that looked like an upside down ice cream cone....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Inebriated Indecency

(Sorry for mobile formatting)
Betty and Barry, a middle-aged couple, went out late one hot Friday night to grab dinner. After they had finished their meal, they sat with drinks and enjoyed dessert. Barry excused himself to the restroom and Betty sat there listening and observed the other patrons ...

I went to a restaurant and the waiter sat me down and asked if I'd like to see a dessert menu.

I said "No, that's the last thing I want".

What does a polygamist family have for dessert every week?

Birthday Cake

me and five of my friends had the loveliest dessert last week

unfortunately i've just found out that one of them has died due to food poisoning. i guess thats the last time i'll eat russian roulade.

What's a monkeys favourite dessert?

Lemon Morangutan Pie.

I'm sorry.

What kind of dessert comes out of a musical volcano?

Bach Lava

What dessert do you eat at a zoo?

Tirami-zoo





I want to die

What’s the most racist dessert?

Cake cake cake!

What is a heavy metal musician's favorite dessert?

Ice cream!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a convenience store, and he grabs a single-serving meal, a single-serving drink, a single-serving toothpaste, a single-serving dessert, single-serving everything, and he goes up to the counter with it.

The woman at the counter says, "Let me guess, you're single?" And he says, "Yeah, how could you tell?" And she says, "Because you're really fucking ugly."

I had a dream that there was a dessert food made with sugar, cornstarch, and cocoa. In case any of you want to make it a reality...

I’m just pudding it out there.

I'm getting sick of people misspelling their homynyms

We should round them up and leave them in a dessert

My wife said I was overconfident by transporting Spanish desserts in the center console of my car. I didn't care.

But then the shift hit the flan.

What dessert always comes back to you when you throw it away? [OC AFAIK]

A Blue Meringue

What’s a cannibals favorite dessert?

A danish...

People make fake IDs to get into bars. That’s all well and good but I’d rather have 365 IDs that have different birthdays on them so I could get free desserts at every restaurant I go to

Just makes sense really

Why can't you starve in the dessert?

Because of all the Sandwiches there...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Every day after dessert, Marvin and Ethel meet in their spot at the back of the nursing home and they start to kiss.

Progressively, their kissing gets more and more intense. And since Marvin is a very desirable man among the other elderly ladies, Ethel has to make their sessions interesting so he doesn’t leave her. So, every day Ethel will slide her hand down Marvin’s torso and grab his penis and she will leave he...

My grandma made me my favorite dessert, strudel.

Unfortunately I couldn't eat it since it was stollen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cakepilation

For my cake day I'm going to repost everything I can think of that fits into the category of cake-related jokes! You've heard them all anyway, who cares?



What did the cake say to the fork? You wanna piece of me?

What do you eat if you 3.142 cakes? You get fat. Pay attention, ...

What did the thesaurus have for dessert?

A synonym bun.

What's the difference between a cold dessert and an injured girlfriend?

One is ice cream and the other is a sore bae.

Grammar is bringing dessert.

The synonym rolls are amazing

What dessert best describes your girlfriend after a workout?

Sorbet

What is the Italian man's, with short term amnesia, favourite dessert?

Affogato!

Would you like to try our new Banana Split dessert?

It has a lot of a-peel.

(I tell this one at work all the time 😝)

What’s Darth Vader’s favorite dessert?

*coooooo*

*kieeeee*

What kind of dessert is the most fattening?

wedding cake

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A ship wrecks onto a dessert island

Two guys and a girl survive. Since they don't have anything to do all day besides eating and sleeping, they just have sex. Eventually the girl gets sick and dies. The two men don't know what to do with themselves anymore, so they keep having sex.
After a few days of sex, they feel guilty about wh...

What do you call dough-based dessert items outside of a planet's atmosphere?

Spastries

Me: What's the name of the dessert where you put an espresso over ice cream?

Colleague: Affogato

Me: Yeah I forgot too, I'm sure there's a name for it...

A Lumberjack went for a job, interviewer said tell me your previous employment, he said I cut down all the trees in the Sahara, interviewer, but the Sahara is a dessert.

Lumberjack says yeah it is now.

Not my joke but its funny either way

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender gives it to him and says “That will be one dollar.” The man is shocked and asks the bartender why the drink is only one dollar. The bartender replies and says, “We’re doing a special sale today!” The man asks the bartender “Wha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife, Father and mother in-law, and myself are at dinner. The restaurant is packed. I say, "Service sure is slow tonight." Father In Law, "Tell me something I *don't* know." followed by a smirk. Feigning a smile, I ignore the comment.

A little later into dinner my wife and I are talking about some car trouble we were having this past week. I say, "Ford should really figure out their electrical." Father in law chimes in uninvited, "Tell me something I *don't* know!"

"Ok, 'dad'. Funny.", I think to myself. I again ignore the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wasn't allowed to eat dessert tonight til after I masterbated...

Because how can you have any pudding if you don't beat your meat?

What's it called when you see desserts out of the corner of your eye?

Profiterole vision

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What dessert do they serve in porn videos?

Hiscream

People never like my cake jokes

I feel desserted

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a sex addict’s favorite dessert?

Pound cake

What is a white knight's favorite dessert?

Marm'lady

My girlfriend left me after I said she reminded me of our dessert, a baked Alaska.

Fire hot on the outside, but ice cold on the inside. I should have just said sweet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Unfortunate

This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College. For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never had the courage.

Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters up...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A Man is stranded on a dessert island with only a dog and a sheep for company...

After many months the man can't take it anymore and decides to have sex with the sheep but everytime he goes to do the deed the dog starts barking uncontollably and ruins the mood.
a few weeks later the man is walking along the beach when he comes across an absolutely gorgeous woman washed up on ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Watched a cooking show the other day and the dessert they served was quite unsettling. It consisted of a female prostitute that had been hung, drawn and quartered...

They called it a Deconstructed Tart.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a Hawaiian sex act, and coincidentally, my favorite dessert?

Coconut cream pie

What is Donald Trump's favorite dessert?

Vladimir Pudding ;)

What’s the difference between a pie and a cobbler?

One’s a dessert and the other makes shoes.

What is Ben Sharpiro's favorite dessert?

Lib-tarts.

Steps on how to survive being stranded on a dessert island.

1) Check spelling.
2) If correct, enjoy.

What do Women's Studies majors like after dessert?

A tip

I'm so disappointed. I bought dessert for a traditional German Christmas dinner.

But it was stollen.

I tried making dessert, but I only had sour milk.

It was quite off pudding.

Why’s it a bad idea to eat mushrooms for dinner?

Because you won’t have mushroom left for dessert.

What do bank robbers eat for dessert?

Heist Cream

Why didn’t the Clemson football team get to have dessert?

Ice cream machine was broken.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to give your cat a pill

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
<...

What was Prince’s favorite dessert?

Raspberry Sorbet

In honor of Trump's last night as president, tonight I'll be making...

Lame Duck A L'Orange, and for dessert, ImPEACHment Cobbler.

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