What do cats have for dessert?

Mice Crispies

What's that Italian dessert called where you pour espresso coffee over ice cream?

Everyone I ask can't remember either.

What is a heavy metal musician's favorite dessert?

Ice cream!

What do you call a dessert that lets anyone eat it?

A pan-cake.

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A guy walks into a convenience store, and he grabs a single-serving meal, a single-serving drink, a single-serving toothpaste, a single-serving dessert, single-serving everything, and he goes up to the counter with it.

The woman at the counter says, "Let me guess, you're single?" And he says, "Yeah, how could you tell?" And she says, "Because you're really fucking ugly."

What does a polygamist family have for dessert every week?

Birthday Cake

What do you call someone who beats up dessert chefs?

Cobbler clobberer.

What are Jehovah Witnesses' favorite dessert?

Hostess Ding Dongs!

My wife said I was overconfident by transporting Spanish desserts in the center console of my car. I didn't care.

But then the shift hit the flan.

I had a dream that there was a dessert food made with sugar, cornstarch, and cocoa. In case any of you want to make it a reality...

I’m just pudding it out there.

What's an Australian ghost's favourite dessert?

Boo-meringue.

I went to a restaurant and the waiter sat me down and asked if I'd like to see a dessert menu.

I said "No, that's the last thing I want".

What does an Italian dementia patient eat for dessert?

Affogato.

me and five of my friends had the loveliest dessert last week

unfortunately i've just found out that one of them has died due to food poisoning. i guess thats the last time i'll eat russian roulade.

What’s a cannibals favorite dessert?

A danish...

What do you call dough-based dessert items outside of a planet's atmosphere?

Spastries

What dessert always comes back to you when you throw it away? [OC AFAIK]

A Blue Meringue

My grandma made me my favorite dessert, strudel.

Unfortunately I couldn't eat it since it was stollen.

What's Darth Vader's favorite dessert?

Only one cannoli

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A ship wrecks onto a dessert island

Two guys and a girl survive. Since they don't have anything to do all day besides eating and sleeping, they just have sex. Eventually the girl gets sick and dies. The two men don't know what to do with themselves anymore, so they keep having sex.
After a few days of sex, they feel guilty about wh...

What kind of dessert comes out of a musical volcano?

Bach Lava

What kind of dessert is the most fattening?

wedding cake

Would you like to try our new Banana Split dessert?

It has a lot of a-peel.

(I tell this one at work all the time 😝)

Me: What's the name of the dessert where you put an espresso over ice cream?

Colleague: Affogato

Me: Yeah I forgot too, I'm sure there's a name for it...

Why didn't the expired dessert get invited to the party?

It was very off pudding.

A Lumberjack went for a job, interviewer said tell me your previous employment, he said I cut down all the trees in the Sahara, interviewer, but the Sahara is a dessert.

Lumberjack says yeah it is now.

What's a monkeys favourite dessert?

Lemon Morangutan Pie.

I'm sorry.

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What dessert do they serve in porn videos?

Hiscream

Last night in Jail they gave us mint chocolates for dessert. I thought they'd be be gross but they were actually pretty good.

Turns out that in-prison mint isn't as bad as I expected.

What did the thesaurus have for dessert?

A synonym bun.

People make fake IDs to get into bars. That’s all well and good but I’d rather have 365 IDs that have different birthdays on them so I could get free desserts at every restaurant I go to

Just makes sense really

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Every day after dessert, Marvin and Ethel meet in their spot at the back of the nursing home and they start to kiss.

Progressively, their kissing gets more and more intense. And since Marvin is a very desirable man among the other elderly ladies, Ethel has to make their sessions interesting so he doesn’t leave her. So, every day Ethel will slide her hand down Marvin’s torso and grab his penis and she will leave he...

Why didn’t the prawn share his dessert?

The piece of shrimp was shellfish!

What is a white knight's favorite dessert?

Marm'lady

My girlfriend left me after I said she reminded me of our dessert, a baked Alaska.

Fire hot on the outside, but ice cold on the inside. I should have just said sweet.

Dorothy and Edna, two senior widows, are talking.

Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date.
I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk
with you about him before I give him my answer."

Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment
punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in...

Grammar is bringing dessert.

The synonym rolls are amazing

What is the Italian man's, with short term amnesia, favourite dessert?

Affogato!

What's the difference between a cold dessert and an injured girlfriend?

One is ice cream and the other is a sore bae.

What's it called when you see desserts out of the corner of your eye?

Profiterole vision

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a Hawaiian sex act, and coincidentally, my favorite dessert?

Coconut cream pie

What dessert best describes your girlfriend after a workout?

Sorbet

I was having the worst possible day. To cap it off my baker screwed up the topping of my birthday dessert!

It was the icing on the cake.

I asked a grocery store worker where I could find cakes, pastries and Twinkies and the like and he took me over to the right place, telling me this is the proper spot but then left me before I could find what I was looking for and I couldn't leave until I found it.

So, yes, I was stranded on a desserted aisle.

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Anniversary

Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their
honor.



"Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed son number one ....'Sorry I'm
running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know
how it is, and I didn't have time to get you a gift...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wasn't allowed to eat dessert tonight til after I masterbated...

Because how can you have any pudding if you don't beat your meat?

What’s Darth Vader’s favorite dessert?

*coooooo*

*kieeeee*

What do bank robbers eat for dessert?

Heist Cream

What is Donald Trump's favorite dessert?

Vladimir Pudding ;)

I tried making dessert, but I only had sour milk.

It was quite off pudding.

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Watched a cooking show the other day and the dessert they served was quite unsettling. It consisted of a female prostitute that had been hung, drawn and quartered...

They called it a Deconstructed Tart.

I went to the restaurant "Karma" the other day. There's no menu, and no entrees.

You get just desserts.

What type of ape smells like French dessert?

Meringueutan

What do you call a member of the armed forces who abandons his diet?

A desserter.

I'm so disappointed. I bought dessert for a traditional German Christmas dinner.

But it was stollen.

Entitled Parent Joke

So I was at a restaurant with my family and this woman came up with a child. She looked about 40 with blonde hair. The child looked about 5 with also blonde hair. The child was crying at the time and the woman started to nag at us. Apparently, the child wanted a dessert and, lucky for us, we were th...

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[NSFW] A Man is stranded on a dessert island with only a dog and a sheep for company...

After many months the man can't take it anymore and decides to have sex with the sheep but everytime he goes to do the deed the dog starts barking uncontollably and ruins the mood.
a few weeks later the man is walking along the beach when he comes across an absolutely gorgeous woman washed up on ...

Polish Cruise

A Polish guy is walking down the street in Chicago when he sees a sign outside a bar:

"Polish Special: Dinner and a Cruise, $3.00!"

So the guy walks in. Immediately he is hit in the head and knocked out.

When he wakes up, he's floating in Lake Michigan in a barrel with an apple ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once put my dick in a dessert.

And I was fucking dis custard.

Steps on how to survive being stranded on a dessert island.

1) Check spelling.
2) If correct, enjoy.

What was Romeo and Juliet's just dessert?

Cantaloupe.

Why didn’t the turkey eat dessert?

Because it was already stuffed, guys!

What do Women's Studies majors like after dessert?

A tip

I walked into a muslim dessert place

...they served a pretty good Apple pie A-llah-mode.

A man is murdered in a dessert factory.

The defendant is clearly guilty, but the investigators struggle to find the murder weapon to properly incriminate him. Where could it possibly have been hidden? The lead investigator is at a loss, when one day he suddenly jumps from his desk as it comes to him.
“The proof is in the pudding!”

What do you get when you cross dessert with a monkey?

A Meringueutan

What do robots eat for dessert on thanksgiving?

Raspberry pi.

How did the Muslim enjoy her dessert?

Allah Mode

What do you call a gross dessert?

Ajit Pai

What do you call two stoners sharing a joint over dessert?

Joint custardy

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I've recently learnt about a sexual fetish involving having sex with desserts.....

It's left me fucking 'dis custard!

What's Mohammed, Moses and Noah's favourite dessert?

Propheteroles

What did Jesus eat for dessert after the Last Supper?

an Easter Sundae

A hillbilly shows up for his first work day at a construction jobsite

A hillbilly shows up for his first work day at a construction jobsite. At lunch time notices a coworker with a thermos. He asks him what it is. He says, "It's a thermos, it keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold!" The hillbilly is impressed so he gets one and brings it in the next day. His cowor...

I noticed this morning that, due to the vibrations of the bus, the pieces of dessert that I was carrying were moving randomly within their container.

I believe this is an excellent example of brownie in motion.

A found a dessert trying to sell me military secrets in my bed last night.

It was an under covers pie.

Just what is it that makes Italian desserts so appealing?

One cannoli guess.

A man is stranded on a dessert island

and it was delicious.

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[Long] Two brothers, a vegan and a carnivore, sit down to Thanksgiving dinner together with their family...

The father intones, "on this day of thanks, let us give thanks to God..."

The vegan brother interrupts..."I'm not eating the turkey..."

The carnivore brother replies, " that's fine, there's plenty of other food on the table."

The vegan then says " I'm not eating any of the stuff...

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Husband stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced

"From now on you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm done eating my meal, you will serve me a scrumptious dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex I want! Afterwa...

What's Mr T's favourite dessert?

Petit Filous

(Credit goes to my ex wife for this one).

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