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Dessert Jokes

Nobody will upvote a cake joke in my birthday

I feel desserted.



Happy cake day to me :)

Nobody will upvote a cake joke in my birthday

I feel desserted

Edit: oh wow, this was my first time karma whoring on my cake day and I honestly wasn’t expecting this much attention. Thank you for all the awards and sorry if I didn’t respond to all the messages.

Shoutout to u/sse2k for “letting” me repost his joke.

Refusing dessert after eating Chinese food...

Will cost you a fortune.

nobody seems to upvote a cake joke on cakeday anymore

Feeling desserted

What do you get if you eat 3.14 desserts?

You probably get Fat.

What? were you expecting a pi joke?

Not on my cake day!

What was Steve Job’s least favorite dessert?

Apple Turnover, he loved a big piece of that pie

Just desserts

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”

“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”

After finishing my meal, the waiter gave me the dessert menu.

"Can I ask you something?" I said.



"Certainly," he replied.



I said, "Why did you just eat my food?"

Two cowboys are lost in the dessert,

They haven’t eaten in days and are close to death. Suddenly one see a tree covered in bacon. ‘We’re saved’ he cry’s ‘a bacon tree.’ and he runs towards it. He is shot to death.

It wasn’t a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.

What is a car's favorite dessert?

Petroleum Jelly.

[OC]What do death eaters eat for dessert ?

Cornelius Fudge

Here are two steps to take if you are ever stuck on a desserted island.

Step 1: Check spelling.

Step 2: If correct, enjoy.

What's that Italian dessert called where you pour espresso coffee over ice cream?

Everyone I ask can't remember either.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I looked at my roommate's search history. Apparently he's into forbidden desserts?

He keeps searching for "barely legal cream pies."

What's the scary dessert that keeps coming back?

Boo! meringue

I made a traditional German dessert for this years' Christmas dinner.

Unfortunately, it was stollen.

What is the math teacher’s favorite dessert?

Pi

I'm opening a new chimney sweep, soldering supplies, and dessert business.

It's called Flue, Flux, Flan.

What is a jewelers favorite dessert?

Carat Cake

I’ll see myself out, I just had to for my cake day .

What happens when you don't get any upvotes on your cake day....

You feel desserted.

What's a turkey's favorite dessert?

Peach gobbler

Dessert??

My wife made dessert with expired milk.

It was really off pudding.

What’s a russian dictators favorite dessert?

Bread Putin

What do cats have for dessert?

Mice Crispies

What’s Adele’s favorite dessert?

Jello from the other side

What is the favorite dessert of people suffering from hysteria?

Ice cream.

Why didn’t the teddy bear eat dessert?

......He was stuffed

What Mexican dessert are children scared of?

El Chupacobbler

What does a Jedi on a budget eat for dessert?

Only one Cannoli

What is the favourite dessert of Greek chickens?

BAWK-lava

/sorry

What's Darth Vader's favorite dessert?

Only one cannoli

What do you call a really awesome dessert?

Flantastic!

(reposted because the original said desert, darn autocorrect)

Waiter! Why does my dessert have a shoe print in it?

Sir, you did say "Apple pie and step on it!"

Birthday dessert

Bob and a few of his coworkers go out to lunch to celebrate Bob's birthday.

Bob, Tim, and Susan are sitting together in the booth when the waitress approaches. She hands them their menus and says, "Good afternoon fellas! Welcome to Ruby Taste Kitchen! Before we get started, might I ask if you...

What was Osama bin Laden's favourite dessert?

Terrormisu

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day a blind man goes to a restaurant

One day a blind man goes to a restaurant

The server asked him if he’d like to see the menu

The blind man says: “no, I am blind, just bring me a dirty fork and I will smell it and order”.

The server, confused, goes to the kitchen, and brings back a dirty fork.

The blind...

Two Lawyers are sharing dessert

Two lawyers are sharing a dessert of a flourless chocolate tort. When the bill comes, one lawyer asks the other lawyer, "what's the damages"?

Joe……….

Joe is on his last day at work as a mailman.

He receives many thank-you cards and monetary gifts along his route.

When he gets to the very last house, he is greeted by a gorgeous housewife, who invites him in for lunch. Joe happily accepts.

After lunch, the woman invites hi...

What battery makes the best dessert?

Lithi - yums

There's a lot of bad jokes. Especially the one about the dessert thief

That one really takes the cake

Why can’t you hide from an Italian dessert?

You cannoli run.

What is a shoe repairman's favorite dessert?

Tearinmyshoe

What's Hannibal Lecter's favourite dessert?

A Danish

The President of France has published a recipe for a new dessert with coconut and pasta

It’s Macron’s macaroon macaroni macaron.

What's a carpenter's favorite dessert flavor?

Plumb Jamb

In the buffet of life, friends are like dessert

You eat them last and they taste the best

I went online looking for some new recipies for dessert.

I clicked on accept cookies, but I'm still waiting for them to show up.

What's a monkeys favourite dessert?

Lemon Morangutan Pie.

I'm sorry.

What did the French dessert say when it was leaving?

Bonbon voyage

I think my dessert was starting to spoil

The flavor was really off pudding.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.

“Happy anniversary Mom and Dad,” gushed son number one, a surgeon, “Sorry I'm late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and didn't have time to get you a gift.”

“Not to worry,” said the father, “the important thing is that we're all together today.”

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is sex referred to as a dessert?

because it ends in a creampie

Today I start my new job waiting tables at a place called "Just Desserts"

Hope I serve them right.

Grammar is bringing dessert.

The synonym rolls are amazing

What do you call a girl who was born in the dessert

Candy

What dessert best describes your girlfriend after a workout?

Sorbet

What’s Darth Vader’s favorite dessert?

*coooooo*

*kieeeee*

What kind of dessert comes out of a musical volcano?

Bach Lava

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is dared to stay 3 months in the dessert without masturbating

The man is told that he will receive 1.000.000$ if he can resist in the dessert for 3 months without masturbating
He will get a house, full with electicity, food and water supply for 3 months

The guy then asks:

-But what about sex?

The other guy replies:

-Uhm...you ca...

What's the difference between a cold dessert and an injured girlfriend?

One is ice cream and the other is a sore bae.

What do you call someone who beats up dessert chefs?

Cobbler clobberer.

What does an Italian dementia patient eat for dessert?

Affogato.

What is Ben Sharpiro's favorite dessert?

Lib-tarts.

What are Jehovah Witnesses' favorite dessert?

Hostess Ding Dongs!

What do you call a dessert that lets anyone eat it?

A pan-cake.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A doctor and his wife were playing golf at the local country club.

While on the 1st tee, his wife drove a 300 yard tee shot straight down the fairway. The doctor was amazed and exclaimed, "Wow! I've never seen you hit the ball this well before!" His wife replied, "Well, I took lessons."

A couple of days later, the doctor and his wife were on the tennis cour...

What kind of dessert is the most fattening?

wedding cake

My grandma made me my favorite dessert, strudel.

Unfortunately I couldn't eat it since it was stollen.

What do Women's Studies majors like after dessert?

A tip

me and five of my friends had the loveliest dessert last week

unfortunately i've just found out that one of them has died due to food poisoning. i guess thats the last time i'll eat russian roulade.

What is the Italian man's, with short term amnesia, favourite dessert?

Affogato!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A ship wrecks onto a dessert island

Two guys and a girl survive. Since they don't have anything to do all day besides eating and sleeping, they just have sex. Eventually the girl gets sick and dies. The two men don't know what to do with themselves anymore, so they keep having sex.
After a few days of sex, they feel guilty about wh...

What is Donald Trump's favorite dessert?

Vladimir Pudding ;)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's Ajit Pai's Favorite Dessert?

A Shit Pie

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wasn't allowed to eat dessert tonight til after I masterbated...

Because how can you have any pudding if you don't beat your meat?

What do bank robbers eat for dessert?

Heist Cream

What do you call a website where you pay to look at pictures of Spanish desserts?

OnlyFlans

What was Romeo and Juliet's just dessert?

Cantaloupe.

What dessert always comes back to you when you throw it away? [OC AFAIK]

A Blue Meringue

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What dessert do they serve in porn videos?

Hiscream

What did the dessert do after filing for divorce?

She took custardy of the kids.

A man is stranded on a dessert island

and it was delicious.

What's Mohammed, Moses and Noah's favourite dessert?

Propheteroles

Chris Christie's Favorite New Dessert???

Impeach Cobbler

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once put my dick in a dessert.

And I was fucking dis custard.

What's Mr T's favourite dessert?

Petit Filous

(Credit goes to my ex wife for this one).

What is the KKK's favorite dessert?

A Klandike bar

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