The 101+ Best Dessert Jokes

The President of France has published a recipe for a new dessert with coconut and pasta

It’s Macron’s macaroon macaroni macaron.

I'm opening a new chimney sweep, soldering supplies, and dessert business.

It's called Flue, Flux, Flan.

nobody seems to upvote a cake joke on cakeday anymore

Feeling desserted

Just desserts

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”

“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”

Refusing dessert after eating Chinese food...

Will cost you a fortune.

Here are two steps to take if you are ever stuck on a desserted island.

Step 1: Check spelling.

Step 2: If correct, enjoy.

I can't remember the name of that Italian dessert where you pour espresso over ice cream.

I asked my Italian friend, but he couldn't remember either.

I made a traditional German dessert for this years' Christmas dinner.

Unfortunately, it was stollen.

Two cowboys are lost in the dessert,

They haven’t eaten in days and are close to death. Suddenly one see a tree covered in bacon. ‘We’re saved’ he cry’s ‘a bacon tree.’ and he runs towards it. He is shot to death.

It wasn’t a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.

[OC]What do death eaters eat for dessert ?

Cornelius Fudge

What is the favorite dessert of people suffering from hysteria?

Ice cream.

What happens when you don't get any upvotes on your cake day....

You feel desserted.

What is a car's favorite dessert?

Petroleum Jelly.

What is the math teacher’s favorite dessert?

I'm never hungry anymore after all my friends left

Probably because they desserted me

Anniversary

On their 25th anniversary, a husband took his wife out to dinner.

Their teenage daughters said they'd have dessert waiting for them when they returned.

After they got home, they saw that the dining room table was beautifully set with china, crystal and candles, and there was a note t...

My wife just shoved a key lime pie in my face and stormed out of the house!

I've been desserted!

Waiter! Why does my dessert have a shoe print in it?

Sir, you did say "Apple pie and step on it!"

Nobody will upvote a cake joke in my birthday

I feel desserted.

Happy cake day to me :)

I'm just making dinner for my wife tonight for Valentine's Day.

I'll never dessert her.

Why didn’t the teddy bear eat dessert?

......He was stuffed

What is a jewelers favorite dessert?

Carat Cake

I’ll see myself out, I just had to for my cake day .

What do you get if you eat 3.14 desserts?

You probably get Fat.

What? were you expecting a pi joke?

Not on my cake day!

What's a turkey's favorite dessert?

Peach gobbler

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Beaver invites Rabbit over for dinner one night

The dinner goes swimmingly well, and Rabbit is very impressed with Beaver's skill in the kitchen. Particularly with the homemade iced cream dessert that Beaver was famous for. Not really expecting much of an answer, because Beaver is ever the coy herbivore, Rabbit inquires politely, "Goodness, Beave...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Postman

Walter the mail carrier was delivering mail and a few packages to Mrs. Petersen, a gorgeous housewife, right before Christmas. Mrs. Petersen was stunning and always had a kind word, unlike her arrogant prick of a husband. It was a cold morning, and as Walter was dropping off her mail, Mrs. Petersen ...

There's a lot of bad jokes. Especially the one about the dessert thief

That one really takes the cake

What is the favourite dessert of Greek chickens?

BAWK-lava

/sorry

What’s a russian dictators favorite dessert?

Bread Putin

I went online looking for some new recipies for dessert.

I clicked on accept cookies, but I'm still waiting for them to show up.

What is a ghosts favorite kind of dessert?

What is a ghosts favorite kind of dessert?

Boo-berry pie!

After finishing my meal, the waiter gave me the dessert menu.

"Can I ask you something?" I said.

"Certainly," he replied.

I said, "Why did you just eat my food?"

What Mexican dessert are children scared of?

El Chupacobbler

Today I start my new job waiting tables at a place called "Just Desserts"

Hope I serve them right.

Dessert??

My wife made dessert with expired milk.

It was really off pudding.

Why can’t you hide from an Italian dessert?

You cannoli run.

What does an Australian ghost eat for dessert?

Boo meringue

What do you call a really awesome dessert?

Flantastic!

(reposted because the original said desert, darn autocorrect)

I went to a restaurant and the waiter sat me down and asked if I'd like to see a dessert menu.

I said "No, that's the last thing I want".

What do cats have for dessert?

Mice Crispies

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is dared to stay 3 months in the dessert without masturbating

The man is told that he will receive 1.000.000$ if he can resist in the dessert for 3 months without masturbating
He will get a house, full with electicity, food and water supply for 3 months

The guy then asks:

-But what about sex?

The other guy replies:

-Uhm...you ca...

What's Hannibal Lecter's favourite dessert?

A Danish

In the buffet of life, friends are like dessert

You eat them last and they taste the best

What do you call a girl who was born in the dessert

Candy

What do you call a website where you pay to look at pictures of Spanish desserts?

OnlyFlans

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day a blind man goes to a restaurant

One day a blind man goes to a restaurant

The server asked him if he’d like to see the menu

The blind man says: “no, I am blind, just bring me a dirty fork and I will smell it and order”.

The server, confused, goes to the kitchen, and brings back a dirty fork.

The blind...

What does a Jedi on a budget eat for dessert?

Only one Cannoli

What did the French dessert say when it was leaving?

Bonbon voyage

What is a shoe repairman's favorite dessert?

Tearinmyshoe

What's Darth Vader's favorite dessert?

Only one cannoli

Nobody will upvote a cake joke in my birthday

I feel desserted

Edit: oh wow, this was my first time karma whoring on my cake day and I honestly wasn’t expecting this much attention. Thank you for all the awards and sorry if I didn’t respond to all the messages.

Shoutout to u/sse2k for “letting” me repost his joke.

What do you call a group of zealots who try to force people into eating their disgusting half made desserts?

The Flan-ish Inquisition

Last night in jail, they gave us mint chocolates for dessert. I thought they'd be be gross, but they were actually pretty good. Turns out...

That in-prison mint isn't as bad as I expected!

What's a carpenter's favorite dessert flavor?

Plumb Jamb

Birthday dessert

Bob and a few of his coworkers go out to lunch to celebrate Bob's birthday.

Bob, Tim, and Susan are sitting together in the booth when the waitress approaches. She hands them their menus and says, "Good afternoon fellas! Welcome to Ruby Taste Kitchen! Before we get started, might I ask if you...

Two Lawyers are sharing dessert

Two lawyers are sharing a dessert of a flourless chocolate tort. When the bill comes, one lawyer asks the other lawyer, "what's the damages"?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is sex referred to as a dessert?

because it ends in a creampie

What battery makes the best dessert?

Lithi - yums

What's the difference between a cold dessert and an injured girlfriend?

One is ice cream and the other is a sore bae.

I can't think of anything to post for my cakeday

I guess I'll just dessert it.

What's a monkeys favourite dessert?

Lemon Morangutan Pie.

I'm sorry.

What dessert best describes your girlfriend after a workout?

Sorbet

What kind of dessert comes out of a musical volcano?

Bach Lava

A Viking is out shopping when he comes across an old woman in a wheelchair crying.

"What's wrong?" asks the Viking.

"Well," the woman says, wiping her tears, "I have been living on my own for many months now, and my daughter and son-in-law have at last come to visit me. My daughter has brought me along on this shopping trip, but it's the first time I've really been out and ...

A man is wandering the dessert, having lost his way, when he comes across a friendly looking salesman with a suitcase.

'Good day to you, good sir', the salesman greets him.
'Water, please!' is all the man manages to say through his sore throat.

'Oh, I'm afraid I don't have any water on me. But I can offer you one of these stylish ties.' With that he opens his suitcase and presents a collection of colored t...

What do you call a dessert that lets anyone eat it?

A pan-cake.

What do you call someone who beats up dessert chefs?

Cobbler clobberer.

What dessert always comes back to you when you throw it away? [OC AFAIK]

A Blue Meringue

People make fake IDs to get into bars. That’s all well and good but I’d rather have 365 IDs that have different birthdays on them so I could get free desserts at every restaurant I go to

Just makes sense really

I had a dream that there was a dessert food made with sugar, cornstarch, and cocoa. In case any of you want to make it a reality...

I’m just pudding it out there.

What does a polygamist family have for dessert every week?

Birthday Cake

What is the Italian man's, with short term amnesia, favourite dessert?

Affogato!

I can’t think of a single good thing to post on my cake day.

I guess I’ll just have to dessert my karma farming plans.

What does an Italian dementia patient eat for dessert?

Affogato.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wasn't allowed to eat dessert tonight til after I masterbated...

Because how can you have any pudding if you don't beat your meat?

me and five of my friends had the loveliest dessert last week

unfortunately i've just found out that one of them has died due to food poisoning. i guess thats the last time i'll eat russian roulade.

What’s Darth Vader’s favorite dessert?

*coooooo*

*kieeeee*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a convenience store, and he grabs a single-serving meal, a single-serving drink, a single-serving toothpaste, a single-serving dessert, single-serving everything, and he goes up to the counter with it.

The woman at the counter says, "Let me guess, you're single?" And he says, "Yeah, how could you tell?" And she says, "Because you're really fucking ugly."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A ship wrecks onto a dessert island

Two guys and a girl survive. Since they don't have anything to do all day besides eating and sleeping, they just have sex. Eventually the girl gets sick and dies. The two men don't know what to do with themselves anymore, so they keep having sex.
After a few days of sex, they feel guilty about wh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A Man is stranded on a dessert island with only a dog and a sheep for company...

After many months the man can't take it anymore and decides to have sex with the sheep but everytime he goes to do the deed the dog starts barking uncontollably and ruins the mood.
a few weeks later the man is walking along the beach when he comes across an absolutely gorgeous woman washed up on ...

Grammar is bringing dessert.

The synonym rolls are amazing

My wife said I was overconfident by transporting Spanish desserts in the center console of my car. I didn't care.

But then the shift hit the flan.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Every day after dessert, Marvin and Ethel meet in their spot at the back of the nursing home and they start to kiss.

Progressively, their kissing gets more and more intense. And since Marvin is a very desirable man among the other elderly ladies, Ethel has to make their sessions interesting so he doesn’t leave her. So, every day Ethel will slide her hand down Marvin’s torso and grab his penis and she will leave he...

What kind of dessert is the most fattening?

wedding cake

A Lumberjack went for a job, interviewer said tell me your previous employment, he said I cut down all the trees in the Sahara, interviewer, but the Sahara is a dessert.

Lumberjack says yeah it is now.

Me: What's the name of the dessert where you put an espresso over ice cream?

Colleague: Affogato

Me: Yeah I forgot too, I'm sure there's a name for it...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What dessert do they serve in porn videos?

Hiscream

Assertive

A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home. He had finished the book by the time he reached his house. The man stormed ...

What do Women's Studies majors like after dessert?

A tip

Where is bad dessert taken?

Into custard-y!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Watched a cooking show the other day and the dessert they served was quite unsettling. It consisted of a female prostitute that had been hung, drawn and quartered...

They called it a Deconstructed Tart.

What do you call a dessert that’s sick and racist?

A Flu Flux Flan.

My girlfriend left me after I said she reminded me of our dessert, a baked Alaska.

Fire hot on the outside, but ice cold on the inside. I should have just said sweet.

An American white guy visits India.

Wanting to get a more authentic experience, he goes to an Indian restaurant and tells them to serve him their specials, no questions asked. After eating a few bites, he calls the waiter and says, "Hey, this is brilliant food, but I just have a tiny request. This is a tad bit too spicy for my taste, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once put my dick in a dessert.

And I was fucking dis custard.

What are Jehovah Witnesses' favorite dessert?

Hostess Ding Dongs!

What do you call dough-based dessert items outside of a planet's atmosphere?

Spastries

What's it called when you see desserts out of the corner of your eye?

Profiterole vision

What is Donald Trump's favorite dessert?

Vladimir Pudding ;)

A man is stranded on a dessert island

and it was delicious.

An indian man goes on a plane for the first time;

He was booked into an Air India flight to Bombay. But as this was his first time in an aeroplane, he made a few preparations that were out of place.

When the stewardess came around to take orders for the in-flight meal, the uncle declared loudly, "I have brought my own lunch. Make sure you ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.