Why did the two 4's skip lunch?

They already 8

Fourteen mushrooms were sitting at a lunch table.

One more asked to join. One of them said, “Sorry there is not mushroom”

A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.

One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left.

As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't ...

After trying many fruits and vegetables in my kids lunch, their favourite by far was sliced cucumber.

I don’t know if it was our source, or our fridge, but they only really stayed fresh for a few days. This meant that at least twice a week I was stopping at the corner grocery store to just grab a couple cucumbers.

After a couple months it became obvious that I kept buying them from the same c...

Three Jewish women are eating lunch. The waiter comes over and says...

is anything okay?

I’m on a plane and the lunch choices are white meat chicken or German sausage. Unfortunately, I’m seated in the last row.

I’m hoping for the breast, but preparing for the wurst.

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A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money.

On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.

A sailor brings his boat up to a restaurant dock to eat lunch.

The dock hand says, “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t let you dine here today. This establishment has a necktie policy, and you are not wearing one.”

“Of course I don’t have a tie on,” replied the sailor, “I’m on a boat!”

“Well, go down below and put one on,” said the dock hand.

“I d...

The children were lined up in the cafeteria at a Catholic elementary school for lunch...

At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note and posted it on the apple tray: "Take only one.God is watching."Moving further along the lunch line,at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note:"Take all you want. God i...

I asked my yoga instructor if she wanted to go get lunch, but she turned me down.

She said "Namaste right here."

I was looking forward to stopping by the local hotdog vendor for lunch

I would relish it.

Did you hear the one about having lunch in a socialist state?

Sorry, you wouldn't get it.

A teacher addresses her students after they've come back from lunch

She lays out the agenda for the lesson:

"Alright everyone, I'm going to ask each of you what you did during lunch. I'll them ask you to write something on the board related to what you did - if you spell the word correctly, you'll get a biscuit."

The children all seem quite excited by ...

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Bill Gates is having lunch in a restaurant when a young man comes over.

He says "Excuse me Mr Gates, I know this is presumptious but if I can have thirty seconds of your time: I read your amazing book about your early career and, basically, I'm now at the point you were at when you were just starting out. I'm entertaining a couple of business sponsors to lunch and it wo...

Two Aussie chess players are finishing lunch. One makes a move for the waiter..

"Check, mate?"

Where did the tech support guy go to buy his lunch?

The URL of Sandwich

r/Jokes A man walks into a resort and the first sign he saw reads, ‘Lool Area’

He was confused and asks one of the employees about it.

“Yes, we have this tradition here, we replace the first ‘P’ of any word that starts with P with an ‘L’ because the owner hates the words that starts with letter ‘P’.”

The man thought this was strange, but as long as there were no ...

I went to a Vietnamese food truck at lunch to order my favourite soup...

But there was a huge line and I was in a rush. It was kind of a pho queue.

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3 construction workers where sitting on the bridge that they where building having their lunch break.

The first guy says “If I get a Marmite sandwich again I am going to jump off this bridge.”
The second guys says “If get a peanut butter sandwich again I am going to jump off this bridge”.
The third guy says if I get another strawberry jam sandwich then I am going to jump off this bridge.” ...

My girlfriend is cheating on me with a doctor.

Yesterday, I found out my girlfriend is cheating on me with the primary doctor at her hospital. So from now on, I’ll be giving her an apple for lunch everyday. That oughta do the trick.

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Two Baptist ministers were eating lunch when one went on and on about young people having sex before marriage. He said, “God forbids it. It is a sin and I didn’t have sex with my wife until our wedding night. How about you?”

The other minister thinks and then says, “I don’t think so, what was her maiden name?”

My friend and I went out for lunch. Once the bill came, we played tug of war with it until my hand slipped accidentally knocking over his lunch.

Looks like lunch is on him.

What did the nuclear engineer have for lunch?

Fission chips.

I had lunch with George Washington last night

Actually we had dinner

A Group of guys, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were pretty and wore mini-skirts.

Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where
they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were attractive. The food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.

Ten years later,...

I just had lunch with a champion chess player

Took her 8 minutes to pass the salt.

Two English tourists were driving through Wales.At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch they stopped for lunch they asked the waitress: “Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument.Can you pronounce where we are,very,very,slowly?"

The girl leaned over and said:

“Burrr… gurrr… King.”

A young man watched as an elderly couple sat down to lunch at McDonald's.

He noticed that they had ordered just one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the old gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, etc, until each had exactly half.

Then the old man poured half of the soft drink into the ext...

A brunette, redhead and blond went to a remote fitness spa deep in the mountains for some fun and relaxation.

After a stimulating healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the ladies room and found a strange-looking woman sitting at the entrance who said, "Welcome to the ladies room. Be sure to check out our newest feature: a mirror which, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be awarded ...

Younger brother: "I want 5 Guys for lunch!"

Older brother: "There's a glory hole at the bus station."

A university student wanted to sit next to one of his teachers at lunch

However, the teacher looked at the student with an arrogant face and said:

'A swan shan't be friends with a pig.'

'Then I shall fly on,' answered the student with a smile.

The teacher was clearly vexed by the cheeky reply and decided to make sure to do everything in his power to...

Two kids are talking at lunch

Kid 1: Hey, you wanna see a magic trick?

Kid 2: Sure.

Kid 1: You can’t hum while holding your nose.

Kid 2: That’s not a magic trick.

Kid 1: You sure? Because I just made hundreds of people hold their noses for no reason.

Kid 2: Our parents were bad at giving us nam...

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During lunch break on a high rise construction site....

...Dave says, "Hey Daryl tell the crew how you made a fast $50 this morning!"

"It was weird!", says Daryl. "I was on the 23rd floor and bumped a brick off the edge, I immediately yelled out "FALLING BRICK!!!. There was a lady standing at the bus stop below, she heard me, stepped to the side a...

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Lunch

An old nun who was living in a convent next to a construction site noticed the coarse language and bad behavior of the workers there and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways.

She decided she would take her lunch; sit with the workers; and talk to them about goodness, kin...

I got kicked off the lunch table today for my bad Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions

I said, “I will return”.

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Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community...

If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate.

However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they agreed that it would be a 'si...

A bear is ordering lunch and he says “I’ll have a sandwich and a.....cola

The person taking his order asks”what’s with the big pause”
the bear says “I don’t know, I was born with them”

James Buchanan was eating lunch at the White House towards the end of his term.

Since Buchanan had lived there for a while, the next president asked him what foods he recommends at the White House. James loves pig meat so he tells Lincoln: 

“Aye, bruh, ham.”

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What’s the difference between a blow job and a sandwich?

You don’t know? Wanna go to lunch?
(Sorry if this is a repost, I looked and haven’t seen it posted before.)

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Two dung beetles go out for lunch

They went into a restaurant and came out five minutes later.

They went into another place and as they're eating, one says "this is good shit"!

The other replies, "yeah, that last place was crap".

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NO SEX TONIGHT!

I've never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much.

And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing or why men think with their head and women with their heart.

For example… One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.

We...

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At a Sunday family lunch, a daughter, good student aged 20, announces that she is pregnant.

Father drops the fork and knife in shock. Mother looks at her in total disbelief. None of them are able to say a word for couple of seconds, before yelling starts... What was she thinking about? Of course she does not plan to keep it? They invested so much in her education, how could she do this? Wh...

Rich people can have 5 cups of wine at lunch and they're all good

But when I get vodka for lunch, I'm "fired" and a "bad example for the students"

I went out for a nice, juicy, rare steak for lunch and my wife said "Enjoying your meat then, Murderer?"

I replied: "Can we not just have one lunch without you mentioning that time I shot your mother?"

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A man works at the Branston Pickle factory, and comes home at lunch time one day.

His wife asks, "why are you home so early?"

To which he replies, "I got fired. I got caught putting my willy in the pickle slicer."

The wife thinks this is absolutely obscene and horrible - so she immediately pulls his pants down and whips out his cock. It's fine. She sighs a sigh of r...

A woman is getting lunch ready when the phone rings.

“This is the middle school calling about your son Phillip. He’s been caught telling unbelievable lies.”

“I’ll say he has,” the woman replies. “I don’t have a son.”

The lunch our mom made was so amazing, my brother called seconds...

... but i called minutes

What did the epileptic vegan have for lunch?

Seizure salad

Absolutely livid. I bought a Hawaiian pizza for lunch and I've just burned it.

Should've cooked it on aloha temperature.

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A man goes on vacation to Mexico with his family

When they get to the town they are staying in, the family wanted to explore and go thier own way. The man's wife agreed and told everyone to meet in the middle of the town at exactly 1pm so they could have lunch together.


The man wanders off and goes to the bar. After a couple of drinks, ...

Three construction workers are on the seventy-fifth floor of a non-finished building.

The Italian opens his lunch box to find a pizza and says "Man, if I get pizza one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!" The Chinese opens his lunch box to find rice and says "Man, if I get rice one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!" ...

Why are school lunches so much better in Kentucky?

Ours are thoroughbred.

Beans for lunch

During lunch at work, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't). When I got home, my wife seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as she was...

I went for lunch at an Indian restaurant

I went for lunch at an Indian restaurant and encountered a strange old man sitting at a small table near the door. The old man had at the table with him a glue stick and a few sheets of construction paper and he seemed to be engaged in some kinds of arts-and-crafts project. The waitstaff occasionall...

Overheard during lunch

How is that your name is Melody but all that's coming out from you is noise?

What do plants eat between lunch and dinner?

A light snack.

what does a bee eat for lunch?

hum burgers

A scientist and the Catholic Pope were eating lunch together while discussing the latest news in scientific discovery.

Scientist: Right now, my research team is working on trying to clone insects using gene-replicating techniques.

Pope: That is very interesting! How far have you come along with it?

Scientist: We have engineered the cloning process, now we are going to execute our next phase which is ex...

I was having lunch with the Russian President when all of a sudden he vomited...

It was very off Putin

(This is one of my first jokes, pls don't hate)

What do you call having pizza for breakfast, lunch, and dinner?

Regret

TIFU by eating my coworker's lunch...

Whoops, wrong sub.

A colon in a sentence can make a huge difference

For example:

Sam ate his own lunch after school.

Sam ate his own colon after school.

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There’s a painting in a museum

There’s a painting in a museum of 3 naked black men sitting on a bench, but the man in the middle has a pink penis. The artist behind the painting is unknown, and no one really knows why the man in the middle has a pink penis. The curator has a story about how pink represents equality at birth, howe...

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead were on top of a water tower...

They were eating sack lunches. The brunette pulls his out and says “Damn, I’m tired of my family making me the same sandwiches everyday! If i have another one of these, I’m going to jump off of this water tower and kill myself!” The blonde and the redhead feel the same way because they too have the ...

What's the difference between a for-profit school and a for-profit prison?

You have to buy your lunch at school.

Two lawyers are friends and have lunch with each other

They always have lunch in their cramped offices. One day, one of the lawyers said to the other, "We should go downstairs to the deli and have lunch there, there's much more room."



The other agreed and they went downstairs to the deli.



When they sat down, the waitress ca...

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A lonely old man in a nursing home was getting his lunch one day...

When he noticed a lonely old lady sitting alone on a bench outside and eating by herself. He walked up to her and introduced himself. They instantly hit it off. They decide that they are going to get together every day for lunch. After a few days of doing this, the man looks over at his new girlfrie...

Why did I get divorced?

Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" and I felt really special. Then, she asked me out ...

One sunny day a rabbit came out of her hole in the ground to enjoy the fine weather.

The day was so nice that she became careless and a fox snuck up behind her and caught her.

"I am going to eat you for lunch," said the fox.

"Wait," replied the rabbit, "You should at least wait a few days."

"Oh yeah? Why should I wait?"

"Well, I am just finishing my thesi...

A hillbilly shows up for his first work day at a construction jobsite

A hillbilly shows up for his first work day at a construction jobsite. At lunch time notices a coworker with a thermos. He asks him what it is. He says, "It's a thermos, it keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold!" The hillbilly is impressed so he gets one and brings it in the next day. His cowor...

Three workers were having lunch on a bridge

They were each discussing what they had for lunch. Sam had a ham and cheese sandwich: “Man if my wife packs ham and cheese one more time this week I am jumping off this bridge. Tony had roast beef: “Me too man, I’m sick of roast beef. If I get this one more time this month I’m jumping off.” Carl had...

I had a Cuban sandwich for lunch today

Just tasted like pork

When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, ...

... but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk had some very good news for him.

"Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!"

"Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?!" the manager asked.

"Th...

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A farmer buys a young cock

As soon as he gets it home, it fucks all the farmers 150 hen. The farmer is impressed. At lunch the cock again screws all 150 hens.

Next day, its fucking the ducks and the geese too. Sadly later in the day, he finds the cock lying on the ground half dead and vultures circling overhead.
...

Three old ladies are sitting around a table playing bridge and bragging about their sons...

“My Freddie,” said Margaret, “Everyone should be so lucky to have a son like my Freddie. Once a week he brings me a huge bouquet of flowers, he’s constantly bringing me out to restaurants to eat, if I so much as hint that I want something the next morning it’s on my doorstep.”


“That’s ver...

A stutterer applies for a job selling Bibles.

The boss is wary, but they're short on salesmen and he is willing to give it a shot.

On his first day, the new salesman comes in during lunch. "C-c-can I g-get some n-n-new B-Bibles, I'm out of st-t-stock," he says.

The boss is flabbergasted. "How on Earth did you manage that?" he as...

The two friends and Hooters

Two men, Kyle and Irish, grew up together, but after college Kyle moved to Maryland and Irish to Texas. They agreed to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf and catch up with each other.

At age 32 they met, finished their round of golf and headed for lunch.

"Where you wanna go?"...

At a deli for lunch yesterday. . .

I had this strange feeling come over me that I had tasted the mustard before. I think that's dijon vu.

I got stabbed by my friends at lunch today

Guess I shouldn't have ordered the Caesar salad

5 Guys From Knock-Knock Jokes

5 guys--Boo, Woo, You, Ach, and Who--meet up for lunch. They describe their experiences knocking on random people's doors. The conversation goes as follows:

Boo: Whenever I knock on someone's door, the person who answers the door is crying.

Woo: Whenever I knock on someone's door, t...

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A chicken farmer goes to the swap meet in the morning to buy a new rooster for his farm.

He finds a very impressive cock and buys it. He brings the rooster home and before lunch time, that darn rooster had screwed every chicken on the farm. The farmer couldn't believe it. After lunch, that rooster had gone and screwed every chicken on the farm again.

As the sun was about to s...

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There’s a fly buzzing over the water.

A frog is sitting on a lily pad and he says if that fly drops three inches I’ll eat him for lunch.
A fish under the water is looking up and he says if that fly drops three inches that frog will jump, then I’ll jump and I’ll eat that frog for lunch.
There’s a bear on the side of the pond and...

I went to my car durring lunch and bumped into a man trying to take it apart

I told him: hey! What are you doing, if you need money, get a job, don't steal people's stuff!

He told me: I have a job, I just needed a break!

Two young lady friends hadn't seen each other in a long time and decided to meet for lunch. Their conversation got around to their respective love lives.

Marcy confessed there really wasn't anyone in her life at the moment. Heather started smiling like crazy when talking about her new beau. "He's perfect. He's so sweet. Then last night he said those four little words I've been waiting to hear."

"What? He asked you to marry him?" Marcy asked.<...

I had some vegan chicken for lunch

I only know because it told me before I had it killed and cooked.

I came up with this joke during lunch break: What do you call a jewish obstacle course?

Shlalom

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Good-bye Daddy

A Father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying,
"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."

The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?'

The little girl said, "I don't know dad...

Why I Fired My Secretary

This is a true story. Last week was my 40th birthday and I really didn’t feel like waking up that morning. I managed to pull myself together and go downstairs for breakfast, hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, “Happy Birthday!”, and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she b...

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Ooo Heaven is a place on earth

Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn’t hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It’s Irv. ‘So there is an afterlife! What’s it like?’...

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An American and a Russian are arguing over which country offers their citizens more freedom.

The American says, “I could take a piss on the Statue of Liberty in the middle of the day and nothing would happen to me.”

The Russian says, “Oh ya, I could drop my pants and take a shit in the middle of Red Square at lunch time and nothing would happen to me.”

They finish off a couple...

Three couples are out to lunch

The first man says to his girlfriend “pass me the sugar, sugar”. The second man says “pass me the honey, honey”. So the third man thinks to himself, I had better say something like this to my girlfriend or she’ll get mad at me. So he says “pass me the bacon, pig”

What is a British weightlifter's favorite thing for lunch?

Jacked potatoes

So an Irishman, a Mexican, and a Blond are sitting down for lunch at their construction site....

The Irishman opens his pail and says, "CORNED BEEF! My wife always makes me corned beef....If she makes it tomorrow, I'm gonna jump off the platform and kill myself." The mexican open his lunch pail saying, "Tacos... my wife always makes tacos. If she makes it again I'll kill myself too." The blond ...

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Three women are having lunch

When they talk about their sex life and trying to get pregnant with their SO.

"Well I was on top when he finished, so I'm for sure it's gonna be a boy" says one.

"I was bottom, so I guess that means girl for me then, yeah?" Says another.

"OH FUCK, I'M GONNA HAVE PUPPIES!!"

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[NSFW] I took a viagra on lunch break yesterday...

I thought my boss would have been happier to see me hard at work

A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch...

At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?"

She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."

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At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.

Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.

He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculatio...

I saw some people building a new bridge near me. Every lunch break they would sit down for afternoon tea complete with tablecloth and napkins.

It was very civil engineering.

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My 75 y/o Scottish grandpa told me this at a family lunch.

A farmer walks into the bar and sits down beside me looking extremely agitated.


"What's goin' on with ya Pete?"


"Ah jesus, Brian. So I got up early and was milking my biggest cow in her stall. I had a pail just about full when she kicked her right leg and spilled the entire thi...

I used to drive my infant daughter (who refused to dribk from a bottle) to the hospital where my wife worked as a nurse so she could breastfeed during her lunch break.

I'm no math major, but I'm pretty sure that means that my wife was nursing².

Two Guys Walk Into a Restaurant for Lunch

The waitress comes to serve them and asks for drinks first.
The first guy says, “Can I have some H2O?”
The second guy says, “Can I have some H2O too?”
The waitress comes back. The first guy is well hydrated, and the second guy is well, dead.

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Jim and bob are working

Jim and bob are working for the same big international company. They get underpaid and the workload is huge. At some point during the friday lunch Jim just has enough and goes "That's it! I'm going to quit and I'll show them who's boss."

He stands up and like a mad bull rages towards the CEO ...

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Five Minute Management Lesson

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob ...

Eric went to tug his son in bed one night and hear his son praying...

"Dear God, please take care of my Grandpapa's soul". Eric didn't think much of it. The very next day, his wife's father dies of a heart attack. Eric was a little perturbed, but didn't think much of it.

A month later, little Johnny prayed "Dear God, please take care of my teacher's soul.". Su...

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The man who loved fishing

A husband is fanatical about fishing.

Twice a month on the weekend, he heads out for the lake early and spends most of the day.

He does this come rain or shine.

One Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs the dog and...

Had Mexican terrorist cuisine for lunch today...

The ricin beans were delicious.

A Catholic bishop, a Hebrew rabbi and a Buddhist lama were sitting in a boat and fishing.

The rabbi looked at his watch and said: "Hey, it's lunch time, there's a restaurant on the shore, I'll go and eat there".
He stepped overboard and walked to the shore on the surface of the lake as if it was solid.

The lama watched him and said: "Yeah, I'll also go and have a lunch". ...

President Trump invited the Pope for lunch on his mega yacht

The Pope
accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the Pontiff's
hat off, right into the water.

It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it just floated in place.

The crew and the secret service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get
it, when Trump wa...

The other day during lunch break I saw one of my colleagues playing some kind of war game on his smartphone. As I poured my coffee I asked him about the game he was playing and we started small talking. Few minutes into our small talk he stated that so far he'd spend $700 in in game purchases.

I bursted into a loud laughter while shouting how that was the stupidest thing and biggest waste of money I've ever heard of!

Man, I was still laughing out loud in disbelief walking off and even still chuckling as I entered the smoking room

Where did the little boy go when his lunch box exploded?

*Everywhere*

A man lived a normal life in a 15-story building with his wife and son

They lived on the 12th floor apartment C. One day he was late for work he kissed Mary and gave Mikey his lunch money. After he got out the elevator he’d realised he forgot his car key so called his wife and said

‘Throw down my key I’m late for work’

A man lived a normal life in a 15-st...

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My first OC joke. (Long)

A man walks into an antique shop. He approaches the female cashier and
asks, “Is this your store?”

She nods her head, “My parents owned it for a few decades, I had since inherited it.”

The man then asks her, “Would you like to see a magic trick?”

The woman, barley amused, dec...

If combining your breakfast and lunch is called brunch. What is combining your breakfast, lunch, and dinner called?

It's called being poor.

the heads of Coors, Budweiser and Guinness go to lunch.

So, the heads of Coors, Budweiser and Guinness are all sitting in a restaurant. When the waitress comes over she takes their drinks order first

- 'Ill have a silver bullet' says the Coors guy
- 'Ill have the king of beers' says the Budweiser guy
- 'Lemonade please' says the head of Guin...

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A woman hasn't had sex with her husband in years, so he takes her to the doctor

The doctor takes her into the exam room, but he determines that she's healthy and that there is nothing physically wrong with her. So he asks her what could be preventing her from having sex with her husband. She replies:

"Well, every morning, my husband gives me money for work, but it only c...

Stopped in a diner for lunch and on the menu, it said, "Golden Soup", so I asked the waitress why it was called that...

She replied, "Because there are 24 carrots in it."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys having lunch on a high rise construction site.

As they open their lunchboxes

1st guy says. Bologna sandwich again! If my wife packs me another bologna sandwich tomorrow I'm jumping off this high rise and killing myself.

2nd guy opens his lunch up. Ham and cheese again! If my wife packs me this lunch again I'll jump with ya!
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A llama was grazing in a field one day... (long)

... when another llama came over.

"Hello," said the first llama.

"Whatcha doing?" asked the second llama.

"Oh, you know, eating some grass. Care to join me?" replied the first llama.

"Oh, thank you," said the second. So now there were two llamas eating. Along came a third...

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