Dear Lord, thank you for these noodles

Ramen.

My sister bet me a thousand dollars that I could not build a car out of noodles.

You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta!

What do you call a fake noodle?

An ImPASTA !!!



\--------------------------------------------------------------

Bet you tell at least one person, that joke :P

A friend asked me how many types of noodles there are

I said the pastabilities are endless

What do women and noodles have in common?

They both wiggle when you eat them

Last night I had a dream I was eating noodles

But when I woke up I couldn't find my earphones

What do you call fake noodles?

An Impasta

Why are Chinese noodles so easy to love?

Because they are 'Lo Mein-tenance'!

A Macaroni, a Penne and a Spaghetti were drinking wine in a bar one evening. They saw a noodle sitting by himself and discussed inviting him to join them.

They all agreed he looked Cannelloni.

EDIT; Thank you for all the awards, I guess I pasta test!

What’s a noodle that only costs one cent?

Penne

What do you call the fear of Vietnamese soup noodles?

pho-bia

I was boiling some noodles until the pot suddenly began to float.

Needless to say, it was soup rising.

A semi truck full of Ramen noodle caught fire today and the whole shipment was considered ruined

The total loss came out to be $73

What do you give an abusive pasta chef who always serves wet noodles?

A re-straining order.

Why shouldn’t you party in a noodle shop?

So as not to disturb the soba atmosphere.

What do you get when you add pool noodles to a hot tub?

Spa-ghetti

What do you call a noodle hotel?

The Ram Inn

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the Japanese chef ask to his boiling noodles?

Udon yet?

What is a noodle's favorite bicycle race?

The Tour de Lini

I saw someone eating noodles with some chicken on it.

It was the best hen thai I've ever seen.

I stopped by my favorite noodle place on my lunch break, but the line to get in was out the door.

There was no way I’d be able to order and get back to work on time, it was a real pho queue.

Threw out a noodle I found in a packet of spaghetti.

It was the impasta.

Two guys always order the noodle soup at “Kyoto soup restaurant”

Two guys always order the noodle soup at “Kyoto soup restaurant”. Every time they order the soup the same person always serves them.
“Hey ching chong hurry up will you” the first man always says. ...

What do you call a noodle without any sauce?

A noodist

Me: I reckon if we got a dog we should call it Noodles.

Wife: That's silly, we eat noodles.

Me: If this recession gets bad enough, yes, we would.

What do cannibals on a budget eat?

Raw Men noodles

What do you call the place where bad noodles live?

The Spaghetto

What do you call noodles who can’t remember anything?

Forgetti


I’d like to apologize for wasting your time with these terrible jokes, just trying to get pasta really boring morning.

I hope my internet points don’t take a hit too, that would cost me a ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Masturbating is a lot like ramen noodles

When you chose to do it, it’s fantastic. When you HAVE to do it, it sucks.

What does a Spanish person call spilled noodles?

A derramen.

A brother hits his sister in the eye with a pool noodle.

It was an accident but the girl gets a really nasty black eye. So the next day the girl gets to tell to all her friends about it and blames the brother. The brother doesn’t like the unwarranted attention.

He goes to his father and tells him he doesn’t like his sister telling everyone he hit ...

Who ate all the noodles in ancient egypt?

King Tootin'ramen

What do you call a noodle bowl that was accidentally made much smaller than intended?

A pho cup

What’s the WiFi password at a Vietnamese noodle shop?

123pho5

My friend promised he would hide a key to my cell in the noodles of my final meal.

When the guard went away I looked but there was gnocchi.

What do girls and noodles have in common?

They both wiggle when you eat them.

Bonus: by u/kismetpink They’re straight until I get them wet
Bonus by u/Shaded_Trees: They both go limp after being warmed up

What do German poodles and Chinese noodles haves in common?

They have oodles in common!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This pasta has AoT level writing, by the time you get to the last line everything you previously read will get whole new meaning. Enjoy

.

>!gf is prego!<

>!we like to get kinky anyways!<

>!one night things get particularly saucy!<

>!i'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird fucking chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights!<

>!wtf it's red everywhere and she's ob...

Where do poor noodles live?

The spaghetto.

What psychosis do you have, if all you can think about is Chinese noodles?

Mega-Lo-Mein-ia

What do noodles call the shady part of town?

The Spaghetto.

What do call a fake noodle?

An impasta.

Sorry, just wanted to copypasta.

What do you call a superhero who's made out of instant noodles?

Ra-man.

What did one stoner noodle say to the other?

Pasta blunt homie.

A Vietnamese restaurant is offering herbed potato sticks served with a bowl of noodle soup.

Thyme fries when you’re having pho.

Today I learned the history of the word noodles

Back in ancient Asian territory, they created a food product. They chose to trade it with the Western world. When asked what they called this food, they realised they didn't have a name for it yet. It was a great food that always ended with empty bowls, so they decided to take the English words 'nau...

I know this terrible joke about noodles...

It’s the pho-king worst.

I went to the Chinese for a take away last night, I ordered chicken chow mein, egg fried rice and Singapore crispy noodles. The bloke tipped it all loose in to a carrier bag. I said what the hell are you doing?

He said we're not allowed to put Chinese in a container anymore.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a fake sex addict and someone who uses fake names to get free noodles?

One's a pseudo-nymphomaniac, the other's a pseudonym-pho-maniac!

My dream is to create a bioengineering startup that solves world hunger by developing a self-replicating noodle

Laugh now, but one day you're going to see my Copy Pasta everywhere.

What does a noodle say if they see a noodle being very slow?

COME ON BRO!!!
PASTA!!! PASTA!!!

What’s a cannibal’s favorite kind of noodle?

Rawmen

How much do Chinese noodles weigh?

Wonton.

What do you call a scared noodle?

Fettuccine Afraid-o!

Opening a new restaurant, focusing on gourmet noodles and spaghetti. We're also going to offer free delivery.

We're calling it Send Noods

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was in the supermarket the other day and there was a girl in front of me at the checkout, she had one apple, one pear, one toothbrush, one cup o noodle, and one can of soup.

I leaned over and said, "You're single arent you.."

She says, "Yes, but how did you know?"

I said, "Because you're ugly as fuck!"

Loving noodles is almost as if you are religious

Can I get a ramen?

What's a Jamaicans favorite noodle?

Raaahmon

What are the mafia's most favorite noodles?

Pasta asciutta.

Why was the pasta noodle kicked off of the subway?

They realized he was stroganoff

What do you call a fake noodle?

An im-pasta.

Lol, sorry if it's corny. Pizza hut guy came and my delivery request was to tell a joke. Shout out to delivery dude!

What do you call a thick noodle?

An impasta.





(Don't know if this has already been posted on here so...)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a fake noodle

An Impasta!!!
Sorry lol

Edit- getting lots of downvotes. I get it, it's a stupid joke but i'm just trying make people laugh. Maybe even chuckle a little bit:) hope everyone is having a good day and if your day was shitty I hope it gets better:)

I like my girl like my noodles...

wiggly when I eat them

hot and ready in 2 mins

This morning I wrote a note on my container of spaghetti that read "Marios noodles" and left my lunch in the fridge...

At lunch, I see Luigi eating my Spaghetti!

I say, "Hey, didn't you see the note?" Those noodles were mine! you owe me a dollar!"

Outraged, Luigi stood and pointed at the crumpled up note. "No a pasta fee!"

What's the difference between Anthony Mundine and two minute noodles? [OC]

About 25 seconds.

Contest Emcee: Congratulations! You just won a lifetime supply of Ramen Noodles!

Me: Can I just take the $20 instead?

My girlfriend left me because of my love of noodles.

I'd best spaghetti on with my life

What do you call a hooker who likes noodles?

A Pastatute

What's the difference between a woman and a bowl of ramen noodles?

A bowl of ramen noodles is actually ready in 5 minutes.

Don't eat royal sausage in Vietnamese noodle soup

Trust me, it's the Pho King Wurst

I don’t care for much Chinese food, but when I see a big plate of egg noodles I go nuts

I’m kind of a Lo meiniac

What’s the heaviest noodle in the world?

Wanton Noodles.

How does an Asian noodle say goodbye

Chow main

Did you hear that the spaghetti noodle got into a car accident?

Paramedics tried to save him, but in the end, he pasta-way.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Are You Sick?

A man takes a prostitute home for a few hours of fun. He immediately pulls up her dress and starts licking her pussy.

The woman grabs his hair and tells him to lick harder. The man complies but gets a piece of carrot in his mouth from her pussy. He wants to stop but the prostitute is begging...

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