My sister bet me a thousand dollars that I could not build a car out of noodles.

You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta!

What do you call a fake noodle?

An ImPASTA !!!



\--------------------------------------------------------------

Bet you tell at least one person, that joke :P

Dear Lord, thank you for these noodles

Ramen.

A friend asked me how many types of noodles there are

I said the pastabilities are endless

A Macaroni, a Penne and a Spaghetti were drinking wine in a bar one evening. They saw a noodle sitting by himself and discussed inviting him to join them.

They all agreed he looked Cannelloni.

EDIT; Thank you for all the awards, I guess I pasta test!

What do you call a fake noodle?

## What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta.

What do women and noodles have in common?

They both wiggle when you eat them..

What do you call it when the chicken overpowers the noodles?

Soup d'etat.

I saw someone eating noodles with some chicken on it.

It was the best hen thai I've ever seen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the Japanese chef ask to his boiling noodles?

Udon yet?

What is a noodle's favorite bicycle race?

The Tour de Lini

What do you call a noodle hotel?

The Ram Inn

I stopped by my favorite noodle place on my lunch break, but the line to get in was out the door.

There was no way I’d be able to order and get back to work on time, it was a real pho queue.

Threw out a noodle I found in a packet of spaghetti.

It was the impasta.

Two guys always order the noodle soup at “Kyoto soup restaurant”

Two guys always order the noodle soup at “Kyoto soup restaurant”. Every time they order the soup the same person always serves them.
“Hey ching chong hurry up will you” the first man always says. ...

What do you call a noodle without any sauce?

A noodist

What do you call the place where bad noodles live?

The Spaghetto

What do you call noodles who can’t remember anything?

Forgetti


I’d like to apologize for wasting your time with these terrible jokes, just trying to get pasta really boring morning.

I hope my internet points don’t take a hit too, that would cost me a ...

Me: I reckon if we got a dog we should call it Noodles.

Wife: That's silly, we eat noodles.

Me: If this recession gets bad enough, yes, we would.

What does a Spanish person call spilled noodles?

A derramen.

Who ate all the noodles in ancient egypt?

King Tootin'ramen

A brother hits his sister in the eye with a pool noodle.

It was an accident but the girl gets a really nasty black eye. So the next day the girl gets to tell to all her friends about it and blames the brother. The brother doesn’t like the unwarranted attention.

He goes to his father and tells him he doesn’t like his sister telling everyone he hit ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Are You Sick?

A man takes a prostitute home for a few hours of fun. He immediately pulls up her dress and starts licking her pussy.

The woman grabs his hair and tells him to lick harder. The man complies but gets a piece of carrot in his mouth from her pussy. He wants to stop but the prostitute is begging...

What do German poodles and Chinese noodles haves in common?

They have oodles in common!

What do call a fake noodle?

An impasta.

Sorry, just wanted to copypasta.

I know this terrible joke about noodles...

It’s the pho-king worst.

My friend promised he would hide a key to my cell in the noodles of my final meal.

When the guard went away I looked but there was gnocchi.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Masturbating is a lot like ramen noodles

When you chose to do it, it’s fantastic. When you HAVE to do it, it sucks.

What did an impatient pot of water say to the noodles?

Udon!?

What do you call a noodle bowl that was accidentally made much smaller than intended?

A pho cup

A man dies and goes to heaven

Because he always helped everyone St.Peter says he could have his afterlife wherever he wants.
First they go to the place where the people are who had been neither bad nor good. They watch movies and eat sweets.
After that they go to hell. Here the people are having a lot of fun. Famous musici...

I just checked my account balance at the ATM

It printed me a coupon for ramen noodles

Last night i had a dream i was eating noodles

But when i woke up i couldnt find my earphones.

What psychosis do you have, if all you can think about is Chinese noodles?

Mega-Lo-Mein-ia

What’s the WiFi password at a Vietnamese noodle shop?

123pho5

What do noodles call the shady part of town?

The Spaghetto.

A Vietnamese restaurant is offering herbed potato sticks served with a bowl of noodle soup.

Thyme fries when you’re having pho.

What do you call a superhero who's made out of instant noodles?

Ra-man.

What did one stoner noodle say to the other?

Pasta blunt homie.

How much do Chinese noodles weigh?

Wonton.

Today I learned the history of the word noodles

Back in ancient Asian territory, they created a food product. They chose to trade it with the Western world. When asked what they called this food, they realised they didn't have a name for it yet. It was a great food that always ended with empty bowls, so they decided to take the English words 'nau...

What do you call a scared noodle?

Fettuccine Afraid-o!

I went to the Chinese for a take away last night, I ordered chicken chow mein, egg fried rice and Singapore crispy noodles. The bloke tipped it all loose in to a carrier bag. I said what the hell are you doing?

He said we're not allowed to put Chinese in a container anymore.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was in the supermarket the other day and there was a girl in front of me at the checkout, she had one apple, one pear, one toothbrush, one cup o noodle, and one can of soup.

I leaned over and said, "You're single arent you.."

She says, "Yes, but how did you know?"

I said, "Because you're ugly as fuck!"

What's a Jamaicans favorite noodle?

Raaahmon

What do girls and noodles have in common?

They both wiggle when you eat them.

Bonus: by u/kismetpink They’re straight until I get them wet
Bonus by u/Shaded_Trees: They both go limp after being warmed up

What does a noodle say if they see a noodle being very slow?

COME ON BRO!!!
PASTA!!! PASTA!!!

My dream is to create a bioengineering startup that solves world hunger by developing a self-replicating noodle

Laugh now, but one day you're going to see my Copy Pasta everywhere.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a fake sex addict and someone who uses fake names to get free noodles?

One's a pseudo-nymphomaniac, the other's a pseudonym-pho-maniac!

What are the mafia's most favorite noodles?

Pasta asciutta.

Loving noodles is almost as if you are religious

Can I get a ramen?

My ex girlfriend used to call me noodles

Because I only lasted 2 minutes.

What’s a cannibal’s favorite kind of noodle?

Rawmen

Why was the pasta noodle kicked off of the subway?

They realized he was stroganoff

What do you call a fake noodle?

An im-pasta.

Lol, sorry if it's corny. Pizza hut guy came and my delivery request was to tell a joke. Shout out to delivery dude!

Opening a new restaurant, focusing on gourmet noodles and spaghetti. We're also going to offer free delivery.

We're calling it Send Noods

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The biggest instant noodle company in Japan just went out of business

People are calling it the Fall of the Ramen Empire

What do you call a thick noodle?

An impasta.





(Don't know if this has already been posted on here so...)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a fake noodle

An Impasta!!!
Sorry lol

Edit- getting lots of downvotes. I get it, it's a stupid joke but i'm just trying make people laugh. Maybe even chuckle a little bit:) hope everyone is having a good day and if your day was shitty I hope it gets better:)

What's the difference between Anthony Mundine and two minute noodles? [OC]

About 25 seconds.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Joke my Dad told that Im pretty sure I heard a comedian do once

So theres these three guys on a construction crew. Every day at lunch they compare what they get. Everday the italian guy gets pizza and he says " if I get this one more timea Ima jumpa offada buildinga!!!"

The irish guy pops open his metal box, lo and behold hes got mashed potatoes loaded wi...

I'm starting a new pasta cult

May we praise the Noodle Lord for eternity. Ramen.

Contest Emcee: Congratulations! You just won a lifetime supply of Ramen Noodles!

Me: Can I just take the $20 instead?

My girlfriend left me because of my love of noodles.

I'd best spaghetti on with my life

I like my girl like my noodles...

wiggly when I eat them

hot and ready in 2 mins

I grabbed the chips out of the pantry

and looked through the fridge for some dip.

It wasn't where I thought it should be.

I glanced in askance towards my wife who was warming up noodles on the stove.

Next to her on the counter, a visibly empty jar.

Aghast, I shouted: "That was NACHO CHEESE!"

What's the difference between a woman and a bowl of ramen noodles?

A bowl of ramen noodles is actually ready in 5 minutes.

Don't eat royal sausage in Vietnamese noodle soup

Trust me, it's the Pho King Wurst

I don’t care for much Chinese food, but when I see a big plate of egg noodles I go nuts

I’m kind of a Lo meiniac

A Jewish man on his deathbed is talking to his daughter.

The man smells noodle kugel (a traditional Jewish food) coming from the kitchen downstairs and reminds his daughter that it’s his favorite food. He asks her to go get him some for his last meal- he knows he will die very soon. The man’s daughter goes downstairs, and comes back with no kugel. The man...

Did you hear about the new Vietnamese noodle / southern BBQ fusion restaurant?

It's called Pho-Q

[OC?I just heard that superstar Phil Collins has an irrational fear of eating an inauthentic Vietnamese noodle dish.

He calls it faux-pho-phobia.

How does an Asian noodle say goodbye

Chow main

Did you hear that the spaghetti noodle got into a car accident?

Paramedics tried to save him, but in the end, he pasta-way.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a list of puns!

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

What’s the heaviest noodle in the world?

Wanton Noodles.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So this happened last night...

>gf is prego
>
>we like to get kinky anyways
>
>one night things get particularly saucy
>
>i'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird fucking chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights
>
>wtf it's red everywhere and she's obvi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was doing a little shopping at my local grocery store.

As the cute cashier was ringing up my stuff, she saw that all I had was some ramen noodles, frozen burritos, and canned spaghetti.

She giggled and said “I can tell your single”. I laughed and asked “what gave it away?”

She replied “you’re fuckin ugly”

I lived off pot noodles and canned soup for two years.

Now I miss that level of luxury.

Three men stop for lunch

Three men stop for lunch on a construction site while working on the 10th floor. The first one, Chang from China says "I am so bored with what I have been having for lunch. If I have noodles again for lunch, I am going to jump off the building" And he opens his lunch to find noodles, and promptly ju...

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