What do girls and noodles have in common?

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They both wiggle when you eat them.

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta

My friend promised he would hide a key to my cell in the noodles of my final meal.

When the guard went away I looked but there was gnocchi.

My housemate told me he went to the noodle bar and got food poisoning...

I was like "Why would you even order that?"

Who ate all the noodles in ancient egypt?

King Tootin'ramen

What do you call a noodle bowl that was accidentally made much smaller than intended?

A pho cup

If fresh noodles are noodles, what are expired noodles called?

Oldles.

What do you call a thick noodle?

An impasta.





(Don't know if this has already been posted on here so...)

What did an impatient pot of water say to the noodles?

Udon!?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was in the supermarket the other day and there was a girl in front of me at the checkout, she had one apple, one pear, one toothbrush, one cup o noodle, and one can of soup.

I leaned over and said, "You're single arent you.."

She says, "Yes, but how did you know?"

I said, "Because you're ugly as fuck!"

What do you call a fake noodle?

An ImPASTA !!!



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Bet you tell at least one person, that joke :P

What do you call the place where bad noodles live?

The Spaghetto

What do you call noodles who can’t remember anything?

Forgetti


I’d like to apologize for wasting your time with these terrible jokes, just trying to get pasta really boring morning.

I hope my internet points don’t take a hit too, that would cost me a ...

A Vietnamese restaurant is offering herbed potato sticks served with a bowl of noodle soup.

Thyme fries when you’re having pho.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the Japanese chef ask to his boiling noodles?

Udon yet?

What's a Jamaicans favorite noodle?

Raaahmon

A brother hits his sister in the eye with a pool noodle.

It was an accident but the girl gets a really nasty black eye. So the next day the girl gets to tell to all her friends about it and blames the brother. The brother doesn’t like the unwarranted attention.

He goes to his father and tells him he doesn’t like his sister telling everyone he hit ...

Single, huh?

A woman went to a grocery store and did some shopping. She gave her basket to the check-out clerk, who scanned the following:

1 toothbrush
2 small packages of noodles
1 banana
1 small turkey
1/2 gallon of milk

The clerk looked at the woman and said "single, huh?'
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was doing a little shopping at my local grocery store.

As the cute cashier was ringing up my stuff, she saw that all I had was some ramen noodles, frozen burritos, and canned spaghetti.

She giggled and said “I can tell your single”. I laughed and asked “what gave it away?”

She replied “you’re fuckin ugly”

Dear Lord, thank you for these noodles

Ramen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Timmy and his noodle

One day my son, Timmy, came home from school asking,

"What's the dangly thing between my legs called?"

I responded, "That's called a penis also referred to as a dick, peepee, or noodle."

The next day Timmy was taking a test at school and was stuck on a question on a test. He ca...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Masturbating is a lot like ramen noodles

When you chose to do it, it’s fantastic. When you HAVE to do it, it sucks.

What do German poodles and Chinese noodles haves in common?

They have oodles in common!

Last night i had a dream i was eating noodles

But when i woke up i couldnt find my earphones.

My ex girlfriend used to call me noodles

Because I only lasted 2 minutes.

What’s the WiFi password at a Vietnamese noodle shop?

123pho5

I like my girl like my noodles...

wiggly when I eat them

hot and ready in 2 mins

I went to the Chinese for a take away last night, I ordered chicken chow mein, egg fried rice and Singapore crispy noodles. The bloke tipped it all loose in to a carrier bag. I said what the hell are you doing?

He said we're not allowed to put Chinese in a container anymore.

What psychosis do you have, if all you can think about is Chinese noodles?

Mega-Lo-Mein-ia

What does a noodle say if they see a noodle being very slow?

COME ON BRO!!!
PASTA!!! PASTA!!!

What are the mafia's most favorite noodles?

Pasta asciutta.

What do noodles call the shady part of town?

The Spaghetto.

What do call a fake noodle?

An impasta.

Sorry, just wanted to copypasta.

How much do Chinese noodles weigh?

Wonton.

Today I learned the history of the word noodles

Back in ancient Asian territory, they created a food product. They chose to trade it with the Western world. When asked what they called this food, they realised they didn't have a name for it yet. It was a great food that always ended with empty bowls, so they decided to take the English words 'nau...

What did one stoner noodle say to the other?

Pasta blunt homie.

I know this terrible joke about noodles...

It’s the pho-king worst.

My dream is to create a bioengineering startup that solves world hunger by developing a self-replicating noodle

Laugh now, but one day you're going to see my Copy Pasta everywhere.

This morning I wrote a note on my container of spaghetti that read "Marios noodles" and left my lunch in the fridge...

At lunch, I see Luigi eating my Spaghetti!

I say, "Hey, didn't you see the note?" Those noodles were mine! you owe me a dollar!"

Outraged, Luigi stood and pointed at the crumpled up note. "No a pasta fee!"

What do girls and noodles have in common?

They both wiggle when you eat them.

Bonus: by u/kismetpink They’re straight until I get them wet
Bonus by u/Shaded_Trees: They both go limp after being warmed up

What do you call a superhero who's made out of instant noodles?

Ra-man.

Where do poor Italian noodle makers live?

In the Spaghetto.

What do you call a scared noodle?

Fettuccine Afraid-o!

Loving noodles is almost as if you are religious

Can I get a ramen?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a fake noodle

An Impasta!!!
Sorry lol

Edit- getting lots of downvotes. I get it, it's a stupid joke but i'm just trying make people laugh. Maybe even chuckle a little bit:) hope everyone is having a good day and if your day was shitty I hope it gets better:)

What's the difference between Anthony Mundine and two minute noodles? [OC]

About 25 seconds.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a fake sex addict and someone who uses fake names to get free noodles?

One's a pseudo-nymphomaniac, the other's a pseudonym-pho-maniac!

How did the mayor of Chicago learn to cook noodles?

With the Ramen Manual

I don’t care for much Chinese food, but when I see a big plate of egg noodles I go nuts

I’m kind of a Lo meiniac

What do you call a fake noodle?

An im-pasta.

Lol, sorry if it's corny. Pizza hut guy came and my delivery request was to tell a joke. Shout out to delivery dude!

What’s a cannibal’s favorite kind of noodle?

Rawmen

Did you hear that the spaghetti noodle got into a car accident?

Paramedics tried to save him, but in the end, he pasta-way.

Why was the pasta noodle kicked off of the subway?

They realized he was stroganoff

Don't eat royal sausage in Vietnamese noodle soup

Trust me, it's the Pho King Wurst

What's the difference between a woman and a bowl of ramen noodles?

A bowl of ramen noodles is actually ready in 5 minutes.

Contest Emcee: Congratulations! You just won a lifetime supply of Ramen Noodles!

Me: Can I just take the $20 instead?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The biggest instant noodle company in Japan just went out of business

People are calling it the Fall of the Ramen Empire

Opening a new restaurant, focusing on gourmet noodles and spaghetti. We're also going to offer free delivery.

We're calling it Send Noods

[OC?I just heard that superstar Phil Collins has an irrational fear of eating an inauthentic Vietnamese noodle dish.

He calls it faux-pho-phobia.

What do you call a noodle on a street corner?

A pasta-tute.

What’s the heaviest noodle in the world?

Wanton Noodles.

Robin Williams, circa 1980

First cannibal complains, "I hate my mother-in-Law."

Second cannibal replies, "Ehh. Just eat the noodles."

My girlfriend left me because of my love of noodles.

I'd best spaghetti on with my life

Mr. T set to open a new Vietnamese noodle shop...

To be called "I pity the Pho"

What do you call a hooker who likes noodles?

A Pastatute

How does an Asian noodle say goodbye

Chow main

What do you call the greatest royalty of Vietnamese noodle soup?

The best PhoKing you'll ever know

Did you hear about the new Vietnamese noodle / southern BBQ fusion restaurant?

It's called Pho-Q

Shouldn't we call cup ramen noodles "sodium bowls" now?

Na...

How do you end a prayer to the Noodle God?

Ramen.

What's the opposite of drunken noodles?

Soba noodles!

Why did the Udon noodles stop drinking?

They wanted to be Soba...

I heard that a few days ago and wanted to share it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a woman who sells sex for noodles?

A Pasta-tute!

I tried to teach my grandma how to eat noodles with chopsticks

She accidentally made a sweater.

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