Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are.

The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him "Father."

The second Catholic women chirps, "Well, my son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "Your Grace."

The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put yo...

I like my women like I like my coffee

Ground up and in the freezer

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I like my porn like I like my coffee...

I could consume it at home but I’d much rather go to a Starbucks.

I like my women like I like my coffee

Weak, cold, and in a sealed container.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I broke up with my gf because she didnt know how I like my coffee. I like my coffee how I like my women

without another man's dick in it.

Astronaut 1: "I can't find any milk for my coffee"

Astronaut 2: "In space no-one can. Here, use cream"

My local Brothel started offering coffee recently

Eager to give it a try, I walked in and ordered a tall black.



Then I ordered my Latte.

Boss: John, for 30 years you have been bringing me coffee...

Boss: John, for 30 years you have been bringing me coffee, filled to the brim, without even spilling a drop. How do you manage that over these stairs?

John: That's easy! Before I climb up the stairs, I take a big sip, and as I get to the top, I put it back in.

A mexican walks into a french coffee shop

barista: How would you like your coffee?

mexican: Au lait

I tried to switch from instant coffee to tea...

But the time difference is steep.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?' He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my b...

I like my coffee the same way I like the slaves,...

free.

How does Skywalker prefer his coffee?

Lukewarm.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How does a Jew prepare his coffee?

Hebrews it.

My wife left me because I’m too insecure

No wait, she’s back

She just went to make a cup of coffee

What's black and never works?

Decaffeinated coffee, you racist.

A rich businessman enters a bar and announces he’s looking for a good deal.

Before long an old man approaches him with an old lamp. “Excuse me sir, would you like to buy this very rare lamp?”

“For how much?” The businessman asks.

“1.5 billion dollars. A steal, if you ask me. It is worth much more” The old man says.

“1.5 BILLION DOLLARS?!” The businessma...

What kind of coffee served by a sad barista?

A depresso.

Asking for a 'Cup of Joe' is a fine way to ask for a cup of coffee...

Unless you're at a sperm bank.

How do you pay for coffee in space?

With star bucks.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So a philosopher, a mathematician, and a physicist were at starbucks.

So a philosopher, a mathematician, and a physicist were at starbucks.

The mathematician turns to the physicist sitting next to him and says "You know, physics is just applied mathematics!"

They all have a good laugh, at which point the philosopher interjects from across the table. "And...

An astronaut collapses into his chair after a long day of work inside the space shuttle. He decides to make a cup of coffee.

Unfortunately, the space shuttle seems to be out of milk and so he goes to his companion to ask if he'd seen any.

Astronaut 1: "Hey, I can't find any milk for my coffee."

Astronaut 2: "In space, no-one can. Here, use cream."

I like my r/Jokes how i like my coffee

The same damn thing everyday

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Muslim, a Christian, a Jew, and an atheist go to a coffee shop

A Muslim, a Christian, a Jew and an atheist go to a coffee shop ... and they communicate, have fun, drink coffee, and become good friends. This is what happens when people are not assholes.

Got my coffee this morning, full of grounds, ugh.

\#noFilter

I finally confronted the colleague drinking whole pot of common office coffee

How do you even sleep at night?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I always put Viagra in my morning coffee

So I can work extra hard on the job

I like my coffee like I like my women.

Unintentionally neglected while I deal with some admin and eventually going cold on me.

I hate coffee jokes...

they aren't my cup of tea.

I like my girls how I like my coffee

Just kidding, I don’t like coffee, I’d rather have tea bags

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Pope and Folgers coffee

Folgers manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican.

After receiving the Papal blessing, the Folgers official whispers, "Your Eminence, we have an offer for you. Folgers is prepared to donate $100 million to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our d...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I put laxatives in my bosses coffee

He's going to shit himself when he finds out.

Saw tom Hanks at a coffee shop today, i asked for his autograph but when i looked all he wrote was

THanks

A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi were sitting around drinking coffee...

>**Someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided that each would find a bear and attempt to convert it to their religion.**
>
>**Seven days later, they all ca...

I used Redbull instead of water to brew my coffee today

Got halfway to work, realized I forgot my car.

I like my women how I like my coffee beans...

thrown in a burlap sack and transported halfway across South America

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Coffee and blow...

On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they'll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.

Forgetting to turn off the m...

How does a jewish man make coffee?

Hebrews it.

There once was a prisoner drinking vodka out of a coffee cup.

That was his mugshot.

Sadie and Myrtle are chatting over coffee.

Sadie: Oy, I have a sore throat.
Myrtle: Whenever I get a sore throat, I suck on a lifesaver.
Sadie: Easy for you, you live near the beach.

What do you call a dinosaur that HATES coffee?

A tea rex

I like my coffee like I like my voter turn out

Strong.

Why doesn't Santa use reindeer milk in his coffee?

He prefers non-deery creamer.

Why do Dasher and Dancer get extra coffee breaks?

Because they’re Santa’s star bucks.

I like my women the same way I like my coffee jokes

Stolen and abused so many times you can't remember what it looked like originally

I like my women like I like my coffee...

Imported for dirt cheap from third-world countries.

What kind of coffee did the cow abortion doctor drink?

DeCalf

What do you call a progressive coffee shop?

Stay Woke

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two drunks are sitting across from each other at a coffee table.

They’re rather wealthy men so they could careless about any mess. They’re drinking beer and throwing the cans on the floor and laughing as loud as they can about anything. They come to an argument. Drunk one says “the skin between your butt and your genitalia is called a taint you idiot.” Drunk numb...

An officer was at a gas station grabbing some coffee...

When a guy smoking at the gas pump hands caught fire. The guy runs into the store waving his hands causing the fire to spread up his shirt toward his shoulders as he’s shouting at the attendant to help him. Suddenly the cop pulls his weapon and shoots the man dead.

The attendant looks at the ...

How do you make a coffee maker cry?

With a very dark roast.

I saw this guy today at Starbucks, no iPhone, no tablet, no laptop. He just sat there, drinking coffee...

Like a psychopath...

An egg, a bacon, and a coffee walk into a bar...

The bacon asks the bartender “I’d like three beers for me and my friends” the bartender replies “no way man, we don’t serve breakfast here”

I like my coffee how I like my women

Literally anything will do the job, I'm desperate.

How do you know if your coffee is fancy?

By how poor the country it came from is.

If your eye hurts after you drink coffee

take the spoon out of the cup!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I like my coffee like I like my reddit jokes.

Not through a filter so the same shit keeps floating to the top.

I like my men like my coffee

Dark, strong, and can keep me up all night long.

When I argued with the barista on how to make my coffee

I got expertly roasted.

Every time I drank coffee I got a sharp pain in my eye. I went to the doctor

He said take the spoon out if the cup!

I don’t like my coffee like I like my irony

Hitting me unexpectedly after flying through the air or coming out of my computer.

My co-worker takes a small blue pill with his coffee every day at 8am

He's likes to work hard in the mornings

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I saw a 7-eleven coffee cup on the table in the break room.

I was curious, so I looked on the back of the cup. It said that the coffee beans were mountain-grown in the world's finest coffee-growing regions and were inspected for premium quality five times prior to being roasted. I snuck a sip of the coffee and thought, "Wow. That's impressive."

Becau...

A mother always wakes up to a cup of coffee from her small child

A mother always wakes up to a cup of coffee from her 5 year old son. It is always the most bitter, disgusting coffee she has ever tasted but she downs it all because she wants her son to feel like he made something his mommy loved. At first he just made it because he loves her. Eventually he started...

A British man takes a sip of his coffee.

And says, “This not my cup of tea.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I like my women how I like my coffee

Cold, bitter, a drain on my income, and able to be smelled from across the office.

Oh and with several dicks inside them.

I like my women like I like my coffee,

After waiting in line for way too long and with them ultimately calling my name out wrong.

Coffee

I was sitting drinking coffee in my slippers this morning, when I thought to myself...

I really need to wash some mugs

What do you call a sad cup of coffee?

Depresso

(Im bad at jokes)

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

3 female friends sit down for coffee...

One of them starts talking about her recent sex-scapades with her husband:

"Well girls, last night when Andy came back from work he looked really tired, so I told him to go have a cold shower and I'd take care of him. When he goes to the bathroom, I wore my sexiest lingerie and laid down on t...

I like my coffee like Serena Williams:

Black & bitter.

A man walks into a cafe and asks for a small decaf coffee with sugar and no cream

The waitress leaves to fetch the coffee but returns a moment later.

“Sorry sir, we’re all out of cream. Would you prefer no milk?”

I was having trouble dating but a girl finally asked me if I wanted to get coffee today.

Sure she was wearing an apron and standing behind a register but still. My dating life is spicing up.

I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart?"

"Yeah..." she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now."

What do you call a Finnish coffee maker?

A perkele-tor!

A guy turns 61 and to cheer himself up he gets a facelift. It turns out really good and he goes back to work. On his first day he goes to Starbucks for coffee and decides to try it out: “Excuse me, can you tell me how old you think I am?”

It turns out really good and he goes back to work. On his first day he goes to Starbucks for coffee and decides to try it out: “Excuse me, can you tell me how old you think I am?” and the girl goes “I don’t know...53?” He says “ well that’s great, I’m actually 61.“ Later that day, he goes to McDonal...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Drinking hot coffee in thin plastic cups reduces men's sexual performance by 80%!

It burns tongue and fingers!

I was working at a coffee shop, and a priest asked if I have any whole milk

I said "forgive me father, for I have skim"

Why did the hipster burn his tongue on his coffee?

He drank it before it was cool.

Two blondes are having a coffee at the local cafe.

They see a flower delivery truck pull up in front of the apartment building across the street and the delivery guy goes inside. The first blonde remarks "You know, whenever my boyfriend gets me flowers, he expects me to keep my legs spread for a week."
The second blonde replies "Don't you h...

What size coffee do Bishops order at Starbucks?

Grande