Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are.

The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him "Father."

The second Catholic women chirps, "Well, my son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "Your Grace."

The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put yo...

This coffee tastes like dirt

Well it was ground this morning

I like like my coffee like I like my slaves

Free you bigot

A homeless man walks into a cafe and asks for a cup of coffee.

The barista, taken aback by his appearance, tells him that he needs to pay for that coffee.

“How about this.”
and then he pulled a frog out of his pocket that started to beautifully play the piano.

The barista is amazed and offers him a cup of coffee on the house.
After a while, ...

I like my coffee like I like my women...

Full of whiskey.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A black man from the USA, 200 cm tall, enters a coffee shop in Ukraine.

He sits down and orders a whiskey. An Ukrainian, 210 cm tall, enters the tavern, sits across the American and orders vodka.

The American, wanting to look superior, takes his whiskey and drinks it all at once.

So then the Ukrainian wanted to show that he can do it too, so he takes his v...

An astronaut says to his friend: 'I can't find any milk for my coffee'

The friend replies 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream.'

My wife and I are constantly fighting over who’s going to make the first pot of coffee in the morning.

I think this might be grounds for divorce.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Job Interview

A guy goes into the US postal service to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."

"OK, have you ever been in the military service?"

"Yes," he says, "I was in Afghanistan for one tour."

Th...

When I drink a cup of coffee, I cannot sleep after.

\-Its the opposite for me

\-How?

\-Well, when i sleep, i cannot drink coffee...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I broke up because my girlfriend because she didnt know how I liked my coffee

I like my coffee like I like my women

Without other people’s dick in it

Why did the hipster burn his lip on his coffee?

He drank it before it was cool.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I like my coffee the same way I like my women...

Without other guys dicks in them.

A necrophiliac would say: "I like my coffee like I like my women...

room temperature.

Coffee spelled backwards is "eeffoc".

Just know that I don't give eeffoc until I've had my morning coffee.

I like my women how I like my coffee.

Medium cold, French Vanilla and Caramel Swirl, Regular.

If I had a dollar for every time I heard someone say “freelance” in an independent coffee shop...

I have no idea how much money I would have, but it would definitely be more than a freelancer.

I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart?"

"Yeah." she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now."

What do they call a cup of coffee in China?

A cup of Zhou

​

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

When I was out today, I saw a phone on the table outside a coffee shop that had been left there, so I pocketed it. It started to ring....

I took it out of my pocket and the caller I.D. said 'Mom'.

I put it back on the table and slowly backed away.

How the fuck did she know I was up to no good?

How does the rabbi make his coffee?

Hebrews it

A girl missed out on a quiz because she stopped at Starbucks for a coffee

She was Latte to the class

A rich businessman enters a bar and announces he’s looking for a good deal.

Before long an old man approaches him with an old lamp. “Excuse me sir, would you like to buy this very rare lamp?”

“For how much?” The businessman asks.

“1.5 billion dollars. A steal, if you ask me. It is worth much more” The old man says.

“1.5 BILLION DOLLARS?!” The businessma...

Why do all Russian Cosmonauts only drink black coffee?

Because in space, no one here use cream.

Boss: John, for 30 years you have been bringing me coffee...

Boss: John, for 30 years you have been bringing me coffee, filled to the brim, without even spilling a drop. How do you manage that over these stairs?

John: That's easy! Before I climb up the stairs, I take a big sip, and as I get to the top, I put it back in.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I like my porn like I like my coffee...

I could consume it at home but I’d much rather go to a Starbucks.

How does Skywalker prefer his coffee?

Lukewarm.

My wife left me because I’m too insecure

No wait, she’s back

She just went to make a cup of coffee

My local Brothel started offering coffee recently

Eager to give it a try, I walked in and ordered a tall black.



Then I ordered my Latte.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?' He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my b...

I like my coffee like my women.

Someone secretly replaced my woman with Folger's Crystals. I can't tell the difference.

Who's the most popular man at the nudist beach?

The one who can carry two cups of coffee and six donuts.

My Wife Just Started Working At A Coffee Shop

Not for the money, for the percs.

I tried to switch from instant coffee to tea...

But the time difference is steep.

A mexican walks into a french coffee shop

barista: How would you like your coffee?

mexican: Au lait

Why did the Jewish guy open up a coffee shop?

Cuz he brews!!

A women stopped me in the coffee shop the other day claiming she met me through a vegetarian-only dating website...

but I had never met herbivore.

What does a person with Alzheimer's say when they order a coffee?

I'm sorry, who are you again?

Coffee is the most silent victim ever.

It gets mugged every day.

What's black and never works?

Decaffeinated coffee, you racist.

An astronaut collapses into his chair after a long day of work inside the space shuttle. He decides to make a cup of coffee.

Unfortunately, the space shuttle seems to be out of milk and so he goes to his companion to ask if he'd seen any.

Astronaut 1: "Hey, I can't find any milk for my coffee."

Astronaut 2: "In space, no-one can. Here, use cream."

How do you pay for coffee in space?

With star bucks.

Asking for a 'Cup of Joe' is a fine way to ask for a cup of coffee...

Unless you're at a sperm bank.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Coffee and blow...

On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they'll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.

Forgetting to turn off the m...

I hate coffee jokes...

they aren't my cup of tea.

I like my r/Jokes how i like my coffee

The same damn thing everyday

I used Redbull instead of water to brew my coffee today

Got halfway to work, realized I forgot my car.

I like my girls how I like my coffee

Just kidding, I don’t like coffee, I’d rather have tea bags

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Muslim, a Christian, a Jew, and an atheist go to a coffee shop

A Muslim, a Christian, a Jew and an atheist go to a coffee shop ... and they communicate, have fun, drink coffee, and become good friends. This is what happens when people are not assholes.

A man is sitting in a coffee shop

(Kinda long) The man is sitting in a coffee shop, when his nephew walks in, his nephew tells him that his brother has died, and that the child is homeless. The man yells at the boy: “I haven’t had my coffee yet! Don’t talk to me!” The boy runs away. A voice calls out: “help! We need a doctor! This m...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I put laxatives in my bosses coffee

He's going to shit himself when he finds out.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I always put Viagra in my morning coffee

So I can work extra hard on the job

I finally confronted the colleague drinking whole pot of common office coffee

How do you even sleep at night?

Got my coffee this morning, full of grounds, ugh.

\#noFilter

A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi were sitting around drinking coffee...

>**Someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided that each would find a bear and attempt to convert it to their religion.**
>
>**Seven days later, they all ca...

I like my women how I like my coffee beans...

thrown in a burlap sack and transported halfway across South America

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Pope and Folgers coffee

Folgers manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican.

After receiving the Papal blessing, the Folgers official whispers, "Your Eminence, we have an offer for you. Folgers is prepared to donate $100 million to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our d...

I like my women like I like my coffee...

Imported for dirt cheap from third-world countries.

I like my coffee like I like my women.

Unintentionally neglected while I deal with some admin and eventually going cold on me.

What do you call a dinosaur that HATES coffee?

A tea rex

I like my coffee like I like my voter turn out

Strong.

There once was a prisoner drinking vodka out of a coffee cup.

That was his mugshot.

Sadie and Myrtle are chatting over coffee.

Sadie: Oy, I have a sore throat.
Myrtle: Whenever I get a sore throat, I suck on a lifesaver.
Sadie: Easy for you, you live near the beach.

An egg, a bacon, and a coffee walk into a bar...

The bacon asks the bartender “I’d like three beers for me and my friends” the bartender replies “no way man, we don’t serve breakfast here”

I like my women the same way I like my coffee jokes

Stolen and abused so many times you can't remember what it looked like originally

Why doesn't Santa use reindeer milk in his coffee?

He prefers non-deery creamer.

Saw tom Hanks at a coffee shop today, i asked for his autograph but when i looked all he wrote was

THanks

Why do Dasher and Dancer get extra coffee breaks?

Because they’re Santa’s star bucks.

I like my coffee how I like my women

Literally anything will do the job, I'm desperate.

What kind of coffee did the cow abortion doctor drink?

DeCalf

What do you call a progressive coffee shop?

Stay Woke

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two drunks are sitting across from each other at a coffee table.

They’re rather wealthy men so they could careless about any mess. They’re drinking beer and throwing the cans on the floor and laughing as loud as they can about anything. They come to an argument. Drunk one says “the skin between your butt and your genitalia is called a taint you idiot.” Drunk numb...

An officer was at a gas station grabbing some coffee...

When a guy smoking at the gas pump hands caught fire. The guy runs into the store waving his hands causing the fire to spread up his shirt toward his shoulders as he’s shouting at the attendant to help him. Suddenly the cop pulls his weapon and shoots the man dead.

The attendant looks at the ...

I like my women like I like my coffee

I've never had coffee but it smells really nice

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A philosopher, a mathematician, and a physicist were at starbucks.

A philosopher, a mathematician, and a physicist were at starbucks.

The mathematician turns to the physicist sitting next to him and says "You know, physics is just applied mathematics!"

They all have a good laugh, at which point the philosopher interjects from across the table. "And ma...

I don’t like my coffee like I like my irony

Hitting me unexpectedly after flying through the air or coming out of my computer.

How do you make a coffee maker cry?

With a very dark roast.

If your eye hurts after you drink coffee

take the spoon out of the cup!

Every time I drank coffee I got a sharp pain in my eye. I went to the doctor

He said take the spoon out if the cup!

I like my men like my coffee

Dark, strong, and can keep me up all night long.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I like my coffee like I like my reddit jokes.

Not through a filter so the same shit keeps floating to the top.

I saw this guy today at Starbucks, no iPhone, no tablet, no laptop. He just sat there, drinking coffee...

Like a psychopath...

My co-worker takes a small blue pill with his coffee every day at 8am

He's likes to work hard in the mornings

When I argued with the barista on how to make my coffee

I got expertly roasted.

A guy turns 61 and to cheer himself up he gets a facelift. It turns out really good and he goes back to work. On his first day he goes to Starbucks for coffee and decides to try it out: “Excuse me, can you tell me how old you think I am?”

It turns out really good and he goes back to work. On his first day he goes to Starbucks for coffee and decides to try it out: “Excuse me, can you tell me how old you think I am?” and the girl goes “I don’t know...53?” He says “ well that’s great, I’m actually 61.“ Later that day, he goes to McDonal...

A British man takes a sip of his coffee.

And says, “This not my cup of tea.”

How do you know if your coffee is fancy?

By how poor the country it came from is.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I saw a 7-eleven coffee cup on the table in the break room.

I was curious, so I looked on the back of the cup. It said that the coffee beans were mountain-grown in the world's finest coffee-growing regions and were inspected for premium quality five times prior to being roasted. I snuck a sip of the coffee and thought, "Wow. That's impressive."

Becau...