I'm assuming that none of the Jenners ask Kylie to make breakfast.

Since she can't even beat an egg

Edit:
Whoa, front page, im ashamed. Thank you kind stranger for the silver oh, you made my day!

This morning, my wife was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. As I walked in, she turned to me and said, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!" My eyes lit up and I thought, "This is my lucky day!"

Not wanting to lose the moment, I didn't waste any time at all, I gave her a banging right on the kitchen table!

Afterwards she said, "Thanks." and returned to the stove.

More than a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"

She giggled, "The egg timer's broken."

Every morning at breakfast for the past 6 months, I announce loudly to my family that I’m going for a jog, and then I don’t.

It’s my longest running joke of the year.

A farmer's wife is making breakfast for her husband...

As she's serving his breakfast, he grabs her breast and tells her "if these could give milk, we could get rid of the cows". Visibly upset, she continues cooking. A moment later he grabs his wife's crotch and tells her "if this could lay eggs, we could get rid of the chickens".

As the wife sit...

A man walks into a resort and the first sign he sees says “Lool Area”. He was confused and asked one of the employees about it.

“Yes, we have this tradition here, where we replace the first ‘P’ of a word that starts with P with an ‘L’."

The man thought this was strange, but as long as there were no other rules, he’d be fine. The man toured the resort and eventually came upon the cafeteria.

There was a sign whic...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What does a man with a 10 inch penis eat for breakfast?

Well, I had bacon, eggs, and toast.

My wife and I are following a Ketogenic, low carb diet plan, but this morning I cheated and had a donut for breakfast.

Oddly enough, when I came clean during dinner this evening, she seemed only upset about the pastry and not at all that I had slept with another woman.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I sa...

What are Wario and Waluigi’s favorite breakfast?

Wawfuls

At breakfast, a man asked his wife “What would you do I if won the lottery?” She replied, “I’d take half, and then leave you.”

“Great,” he said “I won $12 yesterday. Here’s $6. Stay in touch.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

At the breakfast table the next morning the husband put his head in his hands and groaned loudly. “Oh bloody hell, what a party last night, I can’t remember a thing about it. Did I make a prat of myself?”

“You sure did,” replied his wife. “You put your hand up the skirt of your boss’s wife and told your boss to piss off.”

“Shit! What happened?”

“He sacked you.”

“Well, fuck him, the bastard.”

“I did,” replied the wife, “and you’ve got your job back.”

What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?

Synonym Rolls

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I like eating pussy for breakfast...

...some people like their eggs scrambled, but I like them ovaries-ey.

What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?

A synonym roll

What does Jeffrey Dahmer eat for breakfast?

Boys and Berries

What do you call having pizza for breakfast, lunch, and dinner?

Regret

There was a boy playing in the farm field when his mom called him in for breakfast. On his way in he kicked a cow, a pig, and a chicken. So when he gets to the table he sees a dry bowl of cereal. "What's the deal?" he asks.

His mom says " You kicked the cow so no milk for you, you kicked the pig so no bacon for you, and you kicked the chicken so no eggs for you."

Then his father walks into the kitchen and accidentally kicks the cat.

The boy says "Will you tell him, or should I ?"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Breakfast with little Johnny

Little Johnny comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said Little Johnny.

His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little pissed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken.
<...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Little Johnny came down to Breakfast.

His mom says, "What do you want for breakfast Johnny?"

Johnny Replies, "Just give me some fuckin' corn flakes!"

His mom, shocked at first, grabs the broom and begins to beat the shit out of little Johnny. Johnny screams for his life.

All the while Johnny's little brother Timmy w...

*true story. I dropped an egg on my feet while cooking breakfast

I guess the yolk's on me...

What type of criminal doesn't like breakfast?

A cereal killer.

Why don't astronauts eat much at breakfast?

So they can be ready for lunch

What do they serve for breakfast in Grammer class?

Synonym toast.

At breakfast, a husband says to his wife, "I want to try doggy tonight."

Surprisingly enough, the wife agrees.

So that night, both quite excited, the husband cooks his wife a lovely dinner.
After enjoying the meal they head upstairs and get into bed. The husband leans
over to his wife, kisses her on the cheek and says, "night night sweet heart"

The wi...

A girl asks: “What is the best breakfast to keep me full the longest?”

Me: “Two eggs and one sausage are enough to fill a girl for nine months straight. “

If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "thank you" is all I need.

Not all this "how did you get in my house??!!!" business.

My kids got so mad when I cooked pancakes for breakfast

Seems he was their favorite rabbit

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you want for breakfast?

3 young boys come down to breakfast in the morning.

Their mom, looking a bit put out, looks at the oldest boy and says, "What'll you have for breakfast?"

The boy replies, "Aw hell mom, I'll have some Cheerios"

The mom whacks him 3 times on the head and yells, "go to your room!"<...

TIL in France it's rare for people to have more than one egg for breakfast

It turns out that in France one egg is un oeuf.

Woman’s perfect breakfast

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.

Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.

And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Trump and Pence go stop at a local diner for breakfast.

The waitress greets the two and says, "What will it be today?"

Pence looks up from the menu and says, "I'll have two eggs, bacon, rye, and a coffee. Thank you."

The waitress scribbles on her notepad and turns to Trump, "and for you, Mr. President?"

Trump smiles at the waitress a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy is staying at a bed and breakfast for several weeks.

The bed and breakfast was owned by a little old lady who would cook the most amazing biscuits for breakfast every morning. The guy loved these biscuits so much that he would eat five or six every morning and he even extended his stay at the bed and breakfast just so he could eat more of these amazi...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man wakes up after a heavy night of drinking to his wife happily cooking breakfast.

Confused, he approaches his daughter for an explanation of last night when he arrived home.
"You kicked in the door when you couldn't get your key in the lock, fell through the table and broke it, and pissed your pants."
"Jesus! So then why the hell is she in such a good mood?"
"When she tr...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A duck walks into a bar...

One lunchtime a duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and an all day breakfast.

The bartender looks at him and says, "Fucking hell! You're a duck."

"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.

"And you can talk!" exclaims the bartender.

"I see your ears a...

An old man was staying in a hotel and went for breakfast at the restaurant.

The waiter asked him what he’d like for breakfast and the old man replies:

“I want porridge but it must be lumpy and under cooked, then I want some bacon , eggs and toast but the bacon must be burnt to a crisp, the eggs must be runny and snotty and the toast I want 1 slice very soggy and the ...

Our one-year-old throws a complete fit if his breakfast doesn't include toast.

We think he might be lack toast intolerant.

While in California, I wanted to enjoy breakfast at Mission Beach and some guy just threw my waffle on the ground.

I hate sandy Eggo.

What has 6.022 x 10^23 molecules and makes a great breakfast?

Avogadro toast

What is a snowman's favourite breakfast?

Ice Krispies.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One morning while making breakfast

a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on the butt and said, "If you firmed this up, we could get rid of your control top pantyhose." While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent.


The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch on each of her breasts and said...

My wife said that she’s leaving me because of my obsession with breakfast cereals.

I said, “Ok. Cheerios then.”

Why is a plate of Eggs Benedict the perfect breakfast?

Because it is beyond repoach

If combining your breakfast and lunch is called brunch. What is combining your breakfast, lunch, and dinner called?

It's called being poor.

What does Salvador Dalí eat for breakfast?

Usually just a bowl of surreal.

What do snowmen eat for breakfast?

Snowflakes.

Credit: my friend's 3-year-old made this up. I'll pass on any karma to his college fund.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My tongue slipped when I was asking my wife to "pass the milk, honey" when we had breakfast yesterday

I accidentally said: "Fuck you Helen you ruined my fucking life"

Why don't Germans have sausage for breakfast?

Because that would mean things went from bed to wurst.

What do you call hip people that go to bed and breakfasts?

The Inn Crowd

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I wish people would be more appreciative of me making them breakfast in bed.

None of this “who the fuck are you” and “get out of my house” nonsense

What is a dog's favorite breakfast food?

Woofles

What do cannibals drink with their breakfast cereal?

A cup of Joe.

What should you not give to a dyslexic person for breakfast?

Alpha-bits

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Breakfast for the twins

Jimmy and Johnny were a couple of rambunctious kids, always pushing the envelope and often getting in trouble.
One morning they woke up and went downstairs to find their mother in the kitchen. "What would you like for breakfast this morning, boys?" she asked.
Jimmy says, "How's about s...

Most women would love to wake up on their birthday to the smell of fresh coffee, a nice breakfast, flowers and oral

But not my Sister.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A boy and his father are sitting at the breakfast table, when the boy looks up and says:

A boy and his father are sitting at the breakfast table when the boy looks up and says:

"Dad, why are they called butterflies?"

The father has no idea, but instead of showing himself ignorant, he replies:

"Because they are big flies that eat butter."

"Do we have any at h...

A man and a and his wife are having breakfast

As the wife is reading the newspaper, she comes across a strange article.
“It says here that they’ve found a 12,000 year old skeleton frozen in a glacier, and evidently it’s a woman. Now how do you think they knew it was a woman?”

The husband replies with:
“Well it’s simple.”
<...

Dad at breakfast:

Dad at breakfast: I’ll have bacon and eggs, please

Waiter: How do you like your eggs?

Dad: I don’t know, I haven’t gotten them yet!

I used to have a girlfriend who, whenever she had a bad headache, would go into the cupboard, find my oats I'd normally eat for breakfast and then throw them in the garbage.

Apparently she couldn't cope with my grains.

Donald Trump and Mike Pence were having breakfast at the White House

The waitress asks Pence what he would like, and he replies, "I'd like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit."
"And what can I get for you, Mr. President?" Trump replies with his trademark lecherous leer, "How about a quickie this morning?"
"Mr. President!" the waitress exclaims. "How rude! You'...

On vacation this summer my wife took an early morning walk on the beach while the kids and I ate breakfast.

When my wife got back she said there was a beached whale and we needed to see it. My son said "well it's not beached anymore, you're standing right there."

Worst son-burn ever.

What do you call a german breakfast restaurant?

Luftwafflehaus.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

When I make you breakfast in bed, fresh eggs benedict, local picked wild flowers and freshly pressed orange juice, get into bed next to you and wake you with soothing classical music, a simple Thank you would suffice....

Not all this how the fuck did you get into my house business.

I surprised my girlfriend when I made her breakfast in bed

Too bad I had to eat alone.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A seven-year-old tells his four-year-old brother that they should start swearing.

"When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'll say 'hell' and you say 'ass.'" The four-year-old happily agrees.

At breakfast, the seven-year-old says, "Aw hell, Mom, I'll just have some toast."

The surprised mother quickly smacks him. The boy runs upstairs crying. The mother turns to the y...

What did the man with a foot fetish order for breakfast?

Toest.

For Father's Day my wife and kid made me breakfast in bed

I'd have preferred they made it in the kitchen but it's the thought that counts

Person 1: I made you a breakfast pizza...

Person 2: This is a pancake.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The old Mailman

A 65-year old mailman decided it was time to retire. When the small
commmunity he worked for found out, they decided they should do
something nice for him, since he'd served them for the past 45
years.

So, the last day on the job, the mailman went up to the first house,
and the ho...

I opened my cereal box today for breakfast

“We’ve updated our privacy policy”

You should always drink apple juice for breakfast

Because OJ will kill you.

With all the attention on preparing unusual foods in the smoker (hikory smoked mustard, maple smoked ice cream, etc.) I thought up a great idea for a smoked breakfast cereal.

We'll call them "Mesquite O's" the cereal with a bite! They'll leave you itching for more!

Do you think we can stir up some buzz about it?

As an Aussie; 10am is when I make a cuppa Twinings English Breakfast for the local marsupials

it's a really koala tea time

What does Hitler drink with his breakfast?

Milk because he doesn't like juice

Two kids are headed down to the breakfast table...

...when one says to the other:
"Let's pretend we're adults and swear like grown-ups."

They hurry down to the breakfast table where they're greeted by their mother.

"Do you want some Cheerios for breakfast?" she asks one of the boys.

"No I don't want any damn Cheerios!"...

I am a man who loves to give women breakfast in bed. All I want to receive in return is a simple "Thank you!"...

...not "Who are you?", "How did you get in here?", and "I'll call the police!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Where does a man with one leg eat breakfast?

Ihob... wait... shit.

If I bring you breakfast in bed, just say, "Thanks."

Not "Who are you?" and "How did you get in my apartment?"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

George was having breakfast when Mildred walked in, dropped her robe, and sat naked at the table.

She leaned forward on her elbows towards George, her chin resting playfully on the back of her right hand as her left hand played with his tie.

"You know," purred Mildred, "I still have urges. I still want you, physically. In fact, even after 60 years of marriage, my tits are getting all hot ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One morning over a breakfast, a man begins to think about death.

He tells his wife, "honey, when I die, please don't remarry. I can't stand the thought of some other asshole using my stuff." She looks over her coffee and says, "what makes you think I would marry another asshole?"

What do you call a hooker who buys you breakfast?

A reciprostitute.

Women can be so ungrateful sometimes. I made her breakfast in bed and instead of saying, “Thank you”, she was all like…

“How did you get in my house?!”

What would George Washington say if you told him that in 2017 it's now possible to eat breakfast in Tokyo, lunch in Paris, and dinner in Chicago?

"WTF is Chicago?"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A wife was making breakfast for her husband when he ran into the kitchen with an alarmed expression

"TURN 'EM EGGS!! TURN'EM BEFORE THEY BURN!!!".

"GOOD LORD, WE ARE GOING TO NEED MORE BUTTER!!! GET IT! GET IT!!! DAMN THEY ARE GOING TO STICK!!!"

The wife looked at him with a puzzled expression and continued.

"HOLY SHIT! NOT SO MUCH SALT AND PEPPER!!! JUST A BIT!! YOU WILL RUIN...

2 older couple were having breakfast

old man 1: We went to the best restaurant last night

old man 2: What's it's name?

old man 1: Oh, I have such a terrible memory. What's that red flower?

old man 2: Carnation?

old man 1: No, the one with the thorns.

old man 2: Rose?

old man 1: That's it. (turn...

What sort of plate do you serve a continental breakfast on?

Tectonic

What is the naughtiest breakfast food?

Bacon. It strips.

What is a daleks favourite breakfast

Eggs, plain

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Fruitloops for breakfast.

A 5 year old and a 3 year old are upstairs in their bedroom
'You know what?' says the 5 year old, 'I think it's about time we started swearing.'

The 3 year old nods his head in approval, so the 5 year old says,
'When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear a...

What do iPhones eat for breakfast?

Siri-al

(My 7 year old's joke)

I went to a hotel that had continental breakfast

Unfortunately the continent was Africa so all I got was an empty plate

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A little boy comes downstairs for breakfast and there's a man he's never seen before sitting in the kitchen, drinking coffee. The little boy asks, "Are you my new babysitter?"

"No, I'm your new motherfucker."

I woke up to find my wife lying unconscious on the kitchen floor..

At first I panicked, then remembered that McDonalds does all day breakfast.

What's white and super annoying at breakfast?

An avalanche

Bacon and eggs walk into a bar and order a beer

The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast"

What's an electrician's favorite breakfast?

Ohmelettes

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. He shouted at her, “You aren’t so good in bed either!” then stormed off to work. By mid-morning, he decided he’d better make amends and called home.

“What took you so long to answer?” he asked. “I was in bed,” she replied. “What were you doing in bed this late?” “Getting a second opinion.”

What’s a car crash victim’s favorite breakfast food?

Coma toast.