If I make you breakfast in bed a simple "thank you" will do.

None of this "how did you get in my house" nonsense.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I woke up this morning, my girlfriend was cooking breakfast in nothing than a T-shirt... ...when I came downstairs, she told me she needed me to have sex with her right away...

Needless to say I was thrilled, so we did it right there in the kitchen...

...she immediately went back to cooking... we didn't usually do stuff like that, so I hesitantly asked, "so...what was that all about?"

She said, "I had 5 minutes left on the casserole, but the timer broke."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband...

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I sa...

This morning, my wife was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. As I walked in, she turned to me and said, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!" My eyes lit up and I thought, "This is my lucky day!"

Not wanting to lose the moment, I didn't waste any time at all, I gave her a banging right on the kitchen table!

Afterwards she said, "Thanks." and returned to the stove.

More than a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"

She giggled, "The egg timer's broken."

In France, do you know why they only eat one egg at breakfast time?

Because one egg is enough

Two older couples were having breakfast.

Old man 1: We went to the best restaurant last night

Old man 2: What's its name?

Old man 1: Oh, I have such a terrible memory. What's that red flower?

Old man 2: Carnation?

Old man 1: No, the one with the thorns.

Old man 2: Rose?

Old man 1: That's it. (turns...

Three rough-looking bikers stomp into a truck stop where an old-timer is having breakfast.

One of the bikers extinguishes his cigarette in the old guy’s pancakes. The second biker spits a wad of chewing tobacco into his coffee. The third biker dumps the whole plate onto the floor.

Without a word of protest, the old guy pays his bill and leaves.

“Not much of a man, was he?” s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man invites some of his fetish club over for breakfast....

They are catching up on life and swapping stories about work, their grandkids’ birthdays, their recent stock market fortunes, and so on, when the subject of what they’re most proud of comes up.


Gerald, a 35 year old dentist, proudly exclaims, “Of everyone here, I by far, have the larges...

A man was enjoying his breakfast while completing the daily crossword in the newspaper

He asks his wife across the table:
"What is a four letter word for a religious song?"

Wife:
"Hymn"

Man:
"Yeah it's a tricky one"

Do you care what we have for breakfast?

No, I’m eggnostic

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there was sex after death.

After a long life together , the wife was the first to die and true to her words, she made first contact.

W: "Darling. Darling."

H: "Is that you my love?"

W: "Yes , I've come back like we agreed"

H : "That's wonderful! What is it like in the afterlife? Is there sex?"<...

A meteorologist, a biologist, and a mathematician are eating breakfast.

They are sitting on a hill overlooking an office building which has just opened for the day. As they eat, they see 100 business people enter and 101 exit.

The meteorologist says, "Well within my margin of error".

The biologist says, "I suppose one of them gave birth".

The mathem...

Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.

Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, "Mabel, did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Mabel answered, "I have a suppository in my ear?" She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, "Ethel, I'm so glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hear...

Breakfast Foods

I tried the Kentucky Brand jelly on my toast this morning.

This stuff is awful, how do you all eat this?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mail carrier is about to retire…

So he puts a note in all of his mailboxes letting people know that his last day would be at the end of the week.

On his last day, neighbors were showering him with gifts and praise for his many years of faithful service.

As he approaches a house in his route, he realizes that he’s ne...

Upon Arriving Home, A Husband Was Met At The Door By His Sobbing Wife Tearfully she explained, "It's the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone."

Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a few words, the druggist told him,

"Now, just a minute, please listen to my side of it...
This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went withou...

I'm a 21-year-old multimillionaire. Here's how I did it.

1. I get up at 5:00 AM every day
2. I run for an hour before breakfast
3. Afterward, I take a cold shower to wake me up.
4. Journaling is key. You never know when you might need to remember something.
5. Always write down an appointment as soon as you get it.
6. My dad owns a Fortune ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For those of you that never heard an ending to Bender's joke from the movie The Breakfast Club.

A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two foot salami under the other. She sets the poodle down on the bar and the bartender says "I suppose you won't be needing a drink." The blonde says "as a matter of fact, make it a double scotch on the rocks! I was just drying off af...

A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma, "Where’s mom and dad?"

She replied, "They're up in bed," so the little boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and went out to play. Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma the same question. She replied with the same answer and the little boy started to giggle and he ate his lunch and went out to play....

What does a cat eat for breakfast?

Mice Krispies.

A small boy at the next table told me that one. Thank you for the laugh, Nolan, and happy New Year.

What does a snowman eat for breakfast?

Frosted flakes.

An American goes to breakfast in a restaurant in Italy.

After the meal he looks at the coffee menu and orders an Espresso Ristretto, because the name sounds good. The server brings him a tiny coffee cup with a little coffee at the bottom. The American takes the cup, dumps the content in his mouth, makes few slushing sounds with his tongue and says to the...

Carlos was the proud owner of a Mexican Bed & Breakfast in Cancun...

It was founded by his Great-grandfather in the 1800s. He had come to Mexico from Spain and bought the run-down place with a loan from from a businessman back home. Through hard work and sheer determination, he had built the place up to a relatively successful B&B.

After his death, he lef...

A lady decided to give herself a big treat for her 70th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice luxurious hotel..

When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00. She demanded to know why the charge was so high "I agree it's a nice hotel, but the rooms aren't worth $250..00 for just an overnight stay - I didn't even have breakfast!"
The clerk told her that $250.00 is the ...

I Was Cooking Breakfast and My Wife Came To The Kitchen...

She asked "Whatcha makin'?"

I responded "Not Jamaican, eggs".

My waitress at breakfast this morning was really unsettling.

She gave me the crêpes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An auld fella from the west coast of Scotland is staying at a bed and breakfast in Cornwall.

On the first morning of his stay, the proprietor serves him a full English breakfast (sausages, bacon, black pudding, beans, mushrooms, tomatoes, fried slice and two pieces of bread and butter).

Later, as he’s about to go out, the proprietor asks him was the breakfast all to his liking.
...

What smells the same at breakfast, lunch, and dinner?

Your nose

At breakfast, the wife asks her husband “What would you do if I won the Lotto?”

He says, “I’d take my half and leave you.”

She says, "Great. Here's $6, I won $12 yesterday! Stay in touch.”

People always say breakfast is the most important meal of the day…

But I’d argue that dinner is definitely in the top three

My wife is an economist and I am an engineer.

I was watching my wife make her breakfast one morning, and noticed that she made way too many trips to get each of the items she needed. So I said in my best engineer voice, “Hey sweetheart, why don’t you utilize the load maximization principle and carry all the items you need in one trip, thereby ...

What do you want for breakfast?

There were two elderly people who were trying to decide what to have for breakfast. Keep this in mind: because of their age, neither of them have the greatest memory anymore.

The husband asks the wife, "what do you want for breafast?"

The wife responds, "Oh... just a bowl of oatmeal wo...

What do dads eat for breakfast?

Groan-ola!



I'll see myself out.

A lot of people are talking about how unhealthy bagels are for you, and how there are so many better breakfast options.

It’s a real schmear campaign.

Why do the French never have more than one egg for breakfast?

Because one egg is un oeuf

"Honey, can you make me breakfast in bed?" asked my girlfriend.

I said, "No, I'll have to go to the kitchen."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 7 year old and a 4 year old are in their bedroom. "You know what, I think it's time we started swearing" said the 7 year old.

"When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'll swear first, then you."
"Sure." replied the 4 year old.
They make their way downstairs and their mum asks the 7 year old what he wants for breakfast.
"I'll have Frosties, bitch"
WHACK, he flew out the chair crying his ey...

My wife got really mad at breakfast.

Next thing I knew she hit me with the jar of honey. I never saw it coming.



It was a really viscous blow.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two brothers

Two brothers, ages 8 and 5, wake up one morning, and the older of the two says, "Today we're going to start cursing. I'll say Damn and you say Ass." The younger brother agrees.

Soon, their mother calls them down for breakfast. She asks the older brother what he would like to eat. He replies "...

When he was 10 years old, a boy went on a cross country trip with his family. (Long)

They had seen the Grand Canyon and the world’s largest ball of string and today they were going to see the man with the best memory in the world. The man was Native American, and he entertained visitors at his home in Arizona.

The boy was very intrigued but struggled with how to test the man’...

A lady decided to treat herself to a nice night at a fancy hotel

She comes into a beautiful and lavish room, and spends a relaxing evening in there. The next morning, she goes to the lobby to pay.

“700 dollars?! That’s ridiculous, no way this place is worth that much!” she exclaimed.

The desk clerk, in a tired voice, explained. “This is a top of the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two brothers are in their room one morning. The older brother says, "Billy, I'm 9 and you're 6. We're practically men. So today when we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say hell and you're gonna say ass."

illy nods his head in excitement and they go downstairs. The boys sit at the table and their mom greets them.

"Good morning boys, what would ya'll like for breakfast?"

Billy looks at his older brother, who smiles and throws his arm over the back rest and says, "Ah hell mom, make it che...

A Priest and a Hindu

A Priest and a Hindu are having breakfast. The priest exclaims, "Look at my toast! It's the face of Jesus!"

The Hindu replies, "I can't believe it's not Buddha!"

It was cold and pouring with rain, but the boy's mother insisted he go to the barn and feed the animals before he could have breakfast.

The boy went out in a dark rage, kicked the chickens, punched the cow and threw water all over the pigs.

When he got back inside his mother was furious.

"How dare you!" she fumed. "I saw what you did! You get no eggs because you kicked the chickens, no milk because you thumped the cow ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Second Opinion

A husband and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. “You aren’t so good in bed either!” he shouted and stormed off to work. By midmorning, he decided he’d better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone. “What took you so long to answer?”
“I was in...

Where did the Indian go for breakfast?

The New Delhi

A man walks into a monastery where the monks practice a regimen of strict silence.

Wishing to join their ranks, he agrees to the rules: silence is paramount, and it is forbidden to utter even a single unnecessary word.

After five years of utter silence, the man raises his hand at lunch, signaling for permission to speak. Permission is granted, and he says two words: “I’m co...

What is a sprinters favorite breakfast?

Nothing, they fast.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sister Teresa is walking down to breakfast when she meets another nun walking up.

"Good morning, Sister Assumpta!" says Sister Teresa. "Good morning, Sister Teresa!" says the other. "Did you get out of bed the wrong side this morning?"

Puzzled, Sister Teresa continues on her way to the refectory. "Good morning, Sister Pieta!" she says to the nun serving porridge. "Good mor...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Where did you last have sex?

A man calls into a radio station contest to win two tickets to Hawaii. He gets through and the DJs tell him the rules. The DJs are going to ask him a question and then call his wife and ask her the same question. If their answers match then the couple win the tickets. The man acknowledges the rules ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.

'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she sa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Can Cold Water Wash Dishes?

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia. After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John’s grandfather prepared a breakfast of bacon, eggs, and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfathe...

What does Alexa like to eat for breakfast?

Siri-al.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny and his brother at breakfast

One morning, Little Johnny and his older brother Billy are about to have breakfast, when Billy says to Johnny 'You know what? It's time we started to swear in front of mum. Let's begin slowly and drop a few cuss words." Just then their mother calls them for breakfast. They troop down the stairs and ...

They should make a breakfast cereal exclusively for lumberjacks

They can call it morning wood

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a guy with a big penis eat for breakfast?

I figured you wouldn’t know.

It's my cake day, so I wanna share my favorite joke :-)

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's party. He is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

He forced himself to ...

A farmer gets a knock at his door late into the evening

Outside in the rain was a homeless man that begged to stay in the farmer's barn and work for food and shelter.

The farmer invites the man in and said "I wouldn't make you sleep in the barn. Especially while you're all wet. Come inside."

The homeless man is shocked by the farmer's gener...

Lucky Number 5

I was walking down the street a few days ago I happened upon my good friend Tim. I waved him over and told him I had the craziest dream the other night.

Tim listened as I told him that the dream consisted of just one thing. A huge, bright, number -5-. It was made of gold and shined like the ...

n Indian is calmly having breakfast... An Indian is calmly having his breakfast when an American, who is chewing gum, sits down beside him.

The Indian ignores the American who begins to chat :

The American asks :'Do you eat the bread entirely?'

The Indian answers,'Of course!'

American : 'We do not .We only eat the inner part. The crust is put in a container and processed and transformed into flour and sold to Indian...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man bursts into his therapist's office . . .

. . . apologizing for being late because he overslept. "But I had an Incredible breakthrough in my dream. I was talking to my mother and she suddenly turned into YOU! That's when I woke up, got dressed, grabbed a coke and a donut, and rushed to your office".

The therapist says "a coke and a d...

An old man moves into a new home in the countryside after his wife dies.

A few weeks later his son comes to visit him and finds that his father is very depressed. He doesn’t even get out of bed to greet him and doesn’t seem to have any excitement to see him. He also notices that his father rarely leaves the house and mostly just mopes around the house. The next evening, ...

A tourist decides to visit a Native American Chief who is famous for his perfect memory.

"Okay, Chief..." says the tourist,

"Let's test that memory of yours. What did you eat for breakfast on May 9th, 1972?"

The Chief thinks for a moment, and responds "Eggs."

The tourist replies, "Wow, that's incredible! You really do have a perfect memory." and leaves.

...

A man walks into a greasy spoon for breakfast....

Waiter says “what will it be, mac? “
The customer says “ I gotta catch a train - so I’ll just have a short stack of pancakes , also coffee ... and waiter - will they be long?”
The waiter says “No buddy, they’ll be round...”

You usually don't get British Breakfast in Thailand..

but you will ocassionaly find two eggs and a sausage in places, where you were not even hoping for it.

I'm assuming that none of the Jenners ask Kylie to make breakfast.

Since she can't even beat an egg

Edit:
Whoa, front page, im ashamed. Thank you kind stranger for the silver oh, you made my day!

While my wife was in the kitchen cooking breakfast, I suddenly heard a loud thud.

Running in I found her dead on the floor.

In a panic, I had no idea what to do.Then I remembered.

McDonald's do an all-day breakfast.

Did you know that Vin Diesel only eats two meals a day to keep in shape for making movies?

Breakfast and breakfurious

What's white and annoying at breakfast.

An avalanche.

This time of year reminds me of that time I spent Christmas on the road ...

I stopped into a little diner for breakfast, and ordered the Christmas Eggs Benedict. The waitress came and delivered it on a shiny metal plate. I said, "This is fancy." She replied, "Well hon', you know there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy and his Grandpa are out looking for nightcrawlers in their backyard to go fishing.

When the boy pulls out a huge nightcrawler and exclaims to his Grandpa " Grandpa, look at this ONE!"

His Grandpa says "That's quite the big nightcrawler you got there. Hey, bet ya 5 bucks you can't get that nightcrawler back in it's hole."

The little boy says "Deal!". Then runs inside ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mrs. Rosentein is walking her poodle down 5th Avenue, when she ran into her good friend Gladys Goldberg

"Gladys! It's been so long since I've last seen you, where have you been?"

"Oh, Blanche, Ira and I went on safari in Africa, and let me tell you, it was horrible!"

"Horrible? How was it horrible?"

"Well, first, Ira lost our tickets, so we had to fly coach all the way from New Y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two old lawyers who haven't seen each other in years finally get together to have some lunch.

"Life is good," one says, but lately I've noticed I've been getting pretty old. Like, I've been having a Freudian slip or two."

"How do you mean?" says the other.

"Well for instance, last week I was at the train station and I was headed to Pittsburgh. And when I walked up to the counte...

Every morning at breakfast for the past 6 months, I announce loudly to my family that I’m going for a jog, and then I don’t.

It’s my longest running joke of the year.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

church bulletin bloopers

*These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:*
--------------------------
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Canadian was having a coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him.

The Canadian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless started up a conversation.

The American snapped his gum and said, "You Canadian folk eat the whole bread?"

The Canadian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, "Of course".

The American...

My girlfriend and I have started eating our breakfast baps upside down.

It's a roll reversal.

What did the Spanish ghost have for breakfast?

A bowl of ethereal...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walking his dog comes across an old man sat on a park bench sobbing

He walks up to him out of concern, and says "Is everything OK?".

The old man says "Well not really".

"What's wrong?" says the man?

"Well a couple of weeks ago, I married this 30 year old exotic dancer. She's the best thing that ever happened to me. Every morning, she wakes me up...

2 guys were eating breakfast together

"Do you want some of my bacon?"

"No thanks I'm Jewish"

"Don't worry it's free"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three couples are looking to join a new church.

They all talk with the pastor, who gives them all a test.

"If you can abstain from having sex until next Sunday, then I'll let you join my congregation," he says. "I want to see how well you can stand up against temptation."

All three couples agree that it's a fair test, and they promi...

Across the breakfast table, the young boy squints at his great grandfather.

"Pop," he says, "You're really old."

The old man chuckles. "I certainly am, son."

"How old are you Pop?"

"Why, I'm eighty-nine."

"Wow." the boy is impressed. "How did you get that old, Pop?"

"Well son, I'll tell you." The old man's faces grows serious, and glances...

Why I'm Divorced.

I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday,' and possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone 'Happy Birthday.’
I thought …. well, that's marriage for you, but the kids .... they will rememb...

Mother’s Day Surprise

Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. So she lay there looking forward to the breakfast in bed they would make, smelling the smoked bacon as it wafted up the stairs.


After an hour had passed, she decided to go downstairs to investigate. Where she fou...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Slept with a bitch in heat last night. She somehow managed to make the entire bed hers, and even had the gall to demand breakfast first thing in the morning.

Really annoying when no one is at home so I have to take care of the dog.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little boy comes down to breakfast

Since they live on a farm, his mother asks him if he has done his chores. "Not yet." says the little boy. Mother tells him he can't have breakfast until the chores are done. Well the boy is a little pissed as he gets up to do the chores.

When he goes back to the table all there is a bowl of ...

It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.

At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led h...

An old couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, “Just think, we’ve been married for 50 years.”

“Yeah,” she replied. “Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.”

“I know,” the old man said, “but we were probably sitting here stark naked fifty years ago.”

“Well,” Granny snickered, “what do you say, should we strip?”

So the two stri...

People who cook breakfast in a t-shirt are dumbasses.

Use a pan,for God's sake.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman.

Am Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are lost deep in a jungle. They get captured by a tribe of cannibals and are told "you can have one request before we kill you, eat you and then your skins into a canoe". The scot asks for a bottle of the finest scotch and, somehow the tribe brings it to him...

A Travelling Salesman Whose Car Has Broken

A travelling salesman whose car has broken down goes to the door of the closest farmhouse.
The farmer says, “You can spend the night but you’ll have to share a room with my daughter.”
The daughter, a gorgeous 20-something, winks at him over her father’s shoulder.
“Oh, I don’t mind that,” ex...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The dirtiest joke my Grandma ever told me.

A mother puts her two sons to bed, before they fall asleep.

The older brother tells his little brother, "I think it's time we started cussing."

The younger brother asks, "Well what are you going to say?"

The older brother responds, "I'll say, Hell."

The younger brother sa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On a Saturday morning, three boys come down to the kitchen

and sit around breakfast table. Their mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. I’ll have some fuckin’ French toast,” he says. The mother is outraged at his crude language. She hits him and sends him upstairs. When she calms down, she asks the middle child what he wants. “Well, I guess that ...

An old couple wakes up

The man says: "Darling, could you make us breakfast and coffee please?"

The lady replies: "Of course, dear. Would you brush our teeth?"

Bacon and Eggs

walk into a bar. The Bartender says, "Whoa, there. We don't serve breakfast here".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who's egg is it anyways!

There was once a Irishman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. The Irishman owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.


One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman's ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two young brothers are having a conversation one morning.

The 6 year old says to the four year old, "When we go down to breakfast, I'll say a sentence with the word 'hell' and you say a sentence with the word 'ass'". The four year old nods his head in agreement and they excitedly go downstairs and sit at the kitchen table.
Mom kisses each boy on the for...

What did the electrical engineer have for breakfast?

An ohmelette.

A German boy never uttered a single word growing up.

Then ,one day, aged 5, while sitting at breakfast, he looked up from his plate and said in perfect German - 'The toast is burnt'...to which the family were amazed at. 'You can speak, that's amazing, why have you never spoken until now?'


He replied: 'There was nothing wrong until now'

A man and his wife were sitting having breakfast when the wife said...

"If I were to die would you get married again?".

The man said "That's a terrible thing to say. It's such a beautiful morning and we're having a wonderful breakfast together you bring up this horrible thing about death. Forget about it."

But his wife didn't forget about it and she brou...

A farmer's wife is making breakfast for her husband...

As she's serving his breakfast, he grabs her breast and tells her "if these could give milk, we could get rid of the cows". Visibly upset, she continues cooking. A moment later he grabs his wife's crotch and tells her "if this could lay eggs, we could get rid of the chickens".

As the wife sit...

A boy who lived in a farm woke up and wanted breakfast (NSFW)

His mother said he had to do his chores first.

So went out and feed the pigs but kicked them as he left.

Then he collected the eggs from the chickens but gave them a kick as he left.

After that he milked the cows but made sure to kick them as well.

When he came back in hi...

A young boy living on a farm came down to eat breakfast.

His Mother told him he had to do his chores before he could eat. He got mad but went out to do his chores when a chicken ran across in front of him so being still mad he kicked it. Momma was watching. When the cow kicked over the milk pail, he kicked the cow. Momma was watching. When a pig splattere...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My tongue slipped when I was asking my wife to "pass the milk, honey" when we had breakfast yesterday

I accidentally said: "Fuck you Helen you ruined my fucking life"

Christmas Mail

I'm a mailman.

At Christmas this year, Mrs. Jankowitz met me at the door and invited me in for a great breakfast spread.

After I ate, I thanked her and she said, "There's more." She took me to her bedroom and showed me moves I had never imagined.

I told her I had no idea she ...

Most women would love to wake up on their birthday to the smell of fresh coffee, a nice breakfast, flowers and oral

But not my Sister.

A woman on a farm is getting breakfast ready for her family.

As she works at the counter, she notices her son out in the yard bullying several of the animals. When he comes in for breakfast she sets a bowl if dry cereal and a glass of water in front of him.

"What gives mom?"

"Well son, I watched you picking on the animals, so I'm punishing you a...

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's.

After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, 'Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die.' The doctor continued, 'Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For d...

Did you hear about that hotel built into an old missile silo?

I've been told they offer a complimentary intercontinental breakfast.

Who eats Five Guys for breakfast, lunch, and dinner?

Jeffrey Dahmer

I made breakfast in bed for my girlfriend on Valentine's day?

It was a hearty meal

Breakfast in the bed

Husband: Would you like to have your breakfast in bed.
Wife: Yes.
Husband: Then sleep in the kitchen.

If a combined breakfast and lunch is called brunch. What is combining your breakfast, lunch, and dinner called?

...being poor.

Dave and the barber

So this guy Dave is in getting a haircut. He tells the barber, “I’m going on a three week vacation to Europe.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am.”

“You’re going to hate it. Everything is so comp...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.