UPJOKE
tortillamaizechickensalsaguacamolemexicogreaserbeefseafoodporkhamburgeravocadotomatopizzaburger

If you don’t like tacos,

I’m nacho type.

Why are Tacos depressed?

Because they’re always falling apart

What does Pac-Man put on his tacos

Guacauacauacauacauacauacamole

If you eat 25 tacos and pass out, you’ll wake up in..

Tacoma

A taco and a burrito walk into a bar.

The taco starts talking the bartender's ear off while the burrito stays silent and sips his drink. Finally the bartender says, "Hey, why is he so quiet?"

The taco replies, "Oh, sorry. I'm just a lot more open than he is."

My kids won’t eat their tacos for dinner, so I had to throw them out.

Then I ate their tacos.

In these tough times Taco Bell is providing more value than ever

Where else can you get gas for $1.19?

what's the difference between a Taco and my wife?

A Taco lets me eat it before it disagrees with me!

Anakin Skywalker walks into a Taco Bell, and is shocked to find his master Yoda behind the counter

He asks what the Jedi master is doing there, to which he replies "Pay well, Jedi council does not. Work two jobs, I must." Fair enough, thinks Anakin. He orders his food, and reaches into his pocket to pay, when Yoda asks, "A beverage, would you like with that?" "Ok," says Anakin, "what do you recom...

If you stack two tacos on top of each other, you get two tacos.

But if you stack two lasagnas on top of each other, you get one lasagna.

Where can you still get gas for $1.39?

Taco Bell

My idiot friend keeps saying, “Every time I go to Taco Bell, I get diarrhea.”

I said, “Try ordering Tacos instead, moron.”

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They just picked pizza.

I'm about to make tacos because they don't live in a swing state.

What do you get when you cross a seafood restaurant with a brothel?

Fish tacos

I don't understand why some people say, "Taco Bell isn't real Mexican."

It gets the job done for less than half the cost. That's about as Mexican as it gets.

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What do tacos and uncles have in common?

The bad ones can really hurt your asshole

Taco Bell forced to shut down temporarily...

Due to the Corona virus the shortage of toilet paper has made this step a necessity.

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It was a bad idea doing tacos the night before the big meeting. Everyone looked shocked when I accidentally farted loudly.

I looked back at them, just as shocked. After a moment, I broke the awkward silence, and said,

"Did you hear that asshole talking shit behind my back?"

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell.

Well actually he said "less McDonald's" but I'm pretty sure I know what he meant.

What did the IT support guy do yesterday after eating Taco Bell?

He troubleshat

It's very important to not leave out the word "each." For example, when the price of 4 tacos is $2 vs $2 each, or

When you tell people that you and your sister each have a child

Tacos are imaginary -- a mathematical proof

tan = sin / cos (definition of tangent)

ta = i / co (cancel n and s)

taco = i (multiply both sides by co)

True Story

Yesterday would have been my stepfather Tom's 75th birthday. To commemorate the occasion, I give you this story.

Back in 2006, I was prepping to relocate from Nebraska back to Southern California, and this meant lots of phone calls between me and my mother. One Friday evening, I called her up...

Priest: Don't drink too much liquor. You will go to Hell.

Alcoholic - Really? What about the guy who sells the liquor? Priest - He will also go to Hell. Alcoholic - Ok, what about the girl who sells Al Pastor tacos, and put's out in the food truck outside the Liquor Store? Priest - She too will go to Hell. Alcoholic - In that case, I have no problem going ...

A joke told to me today by a little old man at Taco Bell completely out of the blue

Why was the man fired from his job at the orange juice factory?

He couldn’t concentrate.

Last night I made fish tacos

They looked at them and just swam away.

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Guy gets a hotel room and asks for a hooker

A man heads to a seedy hotel to rent a room and asks the clerk where to find a prostitute.

The clerk says not to worry, he'll send one to the man's room in a few minutes.

The man goes to his room and sure enough, a few minutes later a prostitute knocks on his door.

"Hi honey, ho...

What is you’re best taco/ Mexican food pun?

Hey reddit! So currently I work at Taco Bell taking orders in the drive thru. With covid-19 all going around, a lot of people have been more down compared to before. So I’ve been trying to make their days somewhat better. The conversation usually goes like this:
Me: “hi welcome to Taco Bell, how ...

Two blonde Mexican girls walk past a Taco Bell.

One looks at the other and says "Hey, I didn't know we owned a telephone company."

Today this pervert offered me a taco to see me naked. So I replied...

What do I have to do to get a burrito?

Greek tacos sound good for lunch.

Gyros in a half shell.

I'm opening a floating restaurant on a houseboat where we sell ice cream tacos, and our mascot is a gorilla dressed like an ancient Mongolian warrior.

I call it "Attila Gorilla's Vanilla Tortilla Flotilla"

What did Wilford Brimley get whenever he ate Taco Bell?

Diarrhetus.

The father Taco approaches the son Taco.........

Then the father Taco said to his son, "Son, there's something we need to Taco-bout".

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Today, I ate a bunch of Taco Bell.









Lots of shit went down.

A Man Stands In front of a Taco Truck and Reads the Menu.

It reads:

Taco $2
Burrito$6
Handjob$10

He walks up to the window and there is a beautiful woman at the register.

"Are you the one who gives the handjobs?" He says, ahnding her ten dollars.

"Yes I am." She answers seductively.

"Well wash your hands, I want 5 ...

I got a strange note in my bag at the Taco Bell drive-thru last night...

The lady seemed very frazzled and the note said "help there are two armed men inside."

I drove off laughing, thinking "well yeah it would take forever to make tacos with one arm"

What do you call Tinker Bells Mexican cousin?

Taco bell.

You are looking through your food bag after just leaving the Taco Bell drive through and find a note written on a napkin that reads "There are 2 armed men in here".......what do you do?

Eat your food.......1 armed men can't make tacos.

Why doesn't Elon Musk like Taco Bell?

It gives him gas

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think Taco Bell was the tastiest laxative I've ever had.

I shit you not.

I hate Tacos!*

*said no Juan ever.

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Three men are eating tacos near a building

One of them says:

-"The first to reach the top of the building without farting wins."

So the first one starts to climb the stairs and fails almost immediately.

The second one goes inside the building with his butthole so clenched he couldn't walk in a straight line. Just as he ...

Why did the Mexican put hot sauce on his taco?

Por flavor

I drove by the Taco Bell drive-thru last night and it was empty.

Then I realized everyone is out of toilet paper!

Why wasn't Taco Bell featured at the White House's fast food feast?

Because Trump would have expected them to pay for the whole meal.

My friend: “My girlfriend said she wanted to eat tacos, so we flew to Mexico”

Me: “Hey babe what do you wanna eat?”

Her: “Nothing”

Me: *flies to Africa*

Just got arrested for blowing up my school’s toilets.

I mean, what did you really expect, building a high school next to a Taco Bell?

What's the difference between a hard and soft shell taco from Taco Bell?

About 25 seconds in the microwave.

What did Bishop Charles Ellis grab at Taco Bell?

an Ariana Grande.

If you mix taco bell sauce into your ramen..

It tastes exactly like poverty.

A girl reaches out to me on Tinder and asks "If you could be any type of taco, what would would you be, and why?"

I reply "I would be a Taco Bell crunchy taco so that eleven of my friends and I could come inside one box."

Whats the difference between my son and taco bell

I love taco bell

What's Taco Bell's secret sauce recipe?

No idea, they keep it under wraps.

I'll show myself out.

Yeah, I like NFTs...

Nachos,


Fajitas &


Tacos

DNA is like the menu at Taco Bell

Different combinations of the same four ingredients to achieve endless results.

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Love is like eating Taco Bell

It’s heaven until it all turns to shit.

As a good luck charm my baseball team eats taco bell before every game.

To help us get more runs than our opponent.

What do you call an ocean full of tacos?

Flotilla

Life is like a taco

It falls apart

Did you hear about the dyslexic Mexican that walked into a bra?

No?

I'll get my taco

I really hope the Boston Celtics don't sign Taco Fall to any contact in the NBA.

So he could join the Minnesota Timberwolves. With Jordan Bell in the team, we will have the Taco Bell frontcourt.

The end

A man messaged his ex : Just now ate a tuna taco and suddenly you came in my mind “

She messaged him back : “ just now ordered a mini hot dog , it came in just 2 minutes. Suddenlu you came in my mind “

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Whats the difference between Taco Bell and a baby?

Eating a baby is a heinous deed, but eating Taco Bell makes your anus bleed.

What did the EMT say to the choking guy at Taco Bell?

Live más.

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Why doesn't Taco Bell have a play area?

It's hard to have a good time when you're trying not to shit your pants.

Little Ken Fok grew up working hard in his father’s restaurant in China

Every day before school he would get up at 6am and help prepare the dishes for that days lunch before coming home from school at 4pm to help with the evening shift by preparing and serving customers. He would make Spicy crab cakes, shredded pork and tofu. He would work until midnight and then repeat...

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Have you ever use Taco Bell hot sauce as anal lube?

I hear that shit's fire.

"Taco Tuesday" is an illegal practice in China.

That's not true but I bet some of you believed it with how crazy it is over there.

What does a chicken taco say?

Guawk guawk!!

My dad is chopping up Onions in the other room, I’ve been crying all day.

Onions was a good dog, but I’m still pretty excited for taco night.

What do you call a Taco Bell merged with a Weinerschnitzel?

A beanerschnitzel.

I’m so sorry...

My local Greek restaurant just started serving tacos and burritos....

I tried it earlier today and it turns out it's plain old Greecey Mexican food.

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What does the day of election and Taco Tuesday have in common?

So much shit is going down today.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

1st (Original) Joke I’ve EVER Posted

What do you call a taco’s ex-girlfriend???

Nacho bitch!!!

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