I pee on the side of the bowl to make less noise.

My sister wasn't happy that I ruined her cereal.

What is the number 2 cereal on Asgard?

Loki Charms

My dad keeps saying that's what she said.

Dad; (Putting cereal in his bowl)

Me: Can you please put it in my thing also?

Dad: That's what she said.

Me: Please stop daddy!

Dad: That's what she said.

Me: Please, I'm only ten!!!

Dad: That's what she said.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Which is the number 1 cereal brand in Asgard?

Bifrosties

*holy shit almost crapped my pants with excitement when I came up with this. GF not as excited, I'm counting on you guys

What do you call someone who puts the milk after the cereal?

A cereal killer.

What do you call someone who keeps smashing boxes of corn flakes?

A cereal killer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter . . .

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope you're are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm - tell them to get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6am. B...

i just stepped on a cornflake

now, i'm officially a cereal killer

What kinda murderer only kills in the mornings?

A cereal killer

I heard about a man who used poisoned Cheerios to murder people

He was quite the cereal killer

Why does Thanos eat cereal?

Because it's part of a well balanced breakfast

What does German cereal say when it sees the milk in the morning?

Gluten-tag

Little Billy's mom took him to the grocery store.

In the middle of the cereal aisle little Billy yelled out "Mom I have to PEE!"

All the other women smirked and looked judgementally at Billy's mom as her face turned red as a tomato. She pulled her son close.

"Listen little Billy, I never want you to say that again. Next time you need ...

I won a TV from Kellogs and need to get it fixed

But I cant find the cereal number

What kind of cereal does a school shooter eat?

Pumped Up Kix

What do you call someone who touches cereal inappropriately?

A chex offender

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some crazy asshole cut me off while driving to work this morning.

I damned near spilt my cereal all over the book I was reading!

I should've known better than to sign a contract that was written on the side of a cereal box.

Turns out the thing was filled with loopholes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Life

Did you hear the news about a dead woman’s body being found in the park yesterday?

She was discovered drowned in a bathtub full of milk with a banana up her butt.

Police said this is the work of a cereal killer.

What is the night king’s favourite cereal

All-bran

Did you hear about the new breakfast cereal, Prostituties?

It doesn't go Snap, Crackle, Pop. It just lays there and Bangs.

What's Hodor's favorite breakfast cereal?

Raisin Bran.

People get so heated up about if the milk comes first in tea or cereal

Personally i prefer to put the tea in first, then the milk, then the cereal.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two guys riding the train together start talking.

GUY 1: Did you ever try and say something but the words come out all wrong.

GUY 2: Nah, not really what are you talking about?

GUY 1: For instance when is was buying tickets for the train the clerk had a fantastic set of knockers. I get up there and I asked for a picket to Titsburg....

Opens box of cereal...

We’ve updated our Privacy Policy.

Eating cereals for dinner.

It's the breakfast of tomorrow, today!

A Spanish woman was married to an Arabic man when they discovered they were going to have identical twin boys.

After much discussion, it was decided that one should be named after his paternal grandfather Amal and the other after his maternal grandfather Juan. 

Years go by ...

The boys and their mom are at the grocery store one day when the boys were about 6 yrs old. As the mom was looking at c...

An old couple noticed that their memory had been deteriorating...

They went to the doctor’s office to check out the issue. The doctor suggested that they write down what they wanted to remember on sticky notes.

Later, when they got home, the wife asked her husband for a bowl of cereal. The husband said, “Right on it, darling!”

The wife asked, “Shoul...

My kids love Life cereal. I told them there's a grown-up version called That's Just Life

Each box of it is expensive, mostly empty & doesn't taste very good.

What’s an ELA teacher’s favorite cereal?

Synonym toast crunch

What do you call a person who kills cereal?

Mentally ill.

What’s the most popular breakfast cereal in Saudi Arabia?

Fruties Pebbled

Why didn't the snowman eat his cereal?

Because he was already feeling a little flaky.

A Grandfather talks to his grandson

Grandpa: Back then, for a dollah, I could get rice, milk, sardines, eggs, four boxes of cereal, a bottle of coke, some chips, and a tub of ice cream






Grandson: How about now, Grandpa?





Grandpa: Now a days, it's impossible to do anything with all dem g...

There was a boy playing in the farm field when his mom called him in for breakfast. On his way in he kicked a cow, a pig, and a chicken. So when he gets to the table he sees a dry bowl of cereal. "What's the deal?" he asks.

His mom says " You kicked the cow so no milk for you, you kicked the pig so no bacon for you, and you kicked the chicken so no eggs for you."

Then his father walks into the kitchen and accidentally kicks the cat.

The boy says "Will you tell him, or should I ?"

What type of criminal doesn't like breakfast?

A cereal killer.

Yo mama so stupid she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

The fat one brought cereal.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My next door neighbor was found murdered.

He was discovered face down in his bathtub that had been filled with milk. A spoon had been stuck in his ass.

Police suspect a cereal killer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Breakfast with little Johnny

Little Johnny comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said Little Johnny.

His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little pissed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken.
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The single girl

A short joke, but one of my favorites.

A girl in her mid twenties goes to the supermarket. When she is done with her shopping, she begins walking towards the checkout (as you do).
At the checkout sits a guy, around her age. Short brown hair, brown eyes, a cute smile. Well, kind of an att...

Heard this from a coworker

Mr. Red, Mr. Green, Mr. Yellow, Mr. Orange, and Mr. Blue all live on the same street.

Each morning, Mr. Red wakes up in his red room, in his red house, pulls the red covers off of his bed, puts on his red robe, opens his red door, goes down his red stairs to his red kitchen and gets his red b...

Q: what kind of murderer has moral fiber?

A: a cereal killer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was at the deli counter behind another dad and his son the other day.

I was at the deli counter behind another dad and his son the other day. He has his hands full - the kid was screaming for candy, cookies... all sorts of things. The dad kept saying in a controlled voice: “Easy, William, this won’t take long. Just chill out.”

He had another outburst in the cer...

I was preparing a bowl of cereal, finished 1 box of raisin bran and started another to fill my bowl. I was alarmed to see a different colored cereal;

Then I realized, they were different brans



this is a tru experience that just happened to me

A 106-year-old cowboy in Texas recently passed away.

He was asked on his last birthday earlier this year his secret to longevity.

He told them that for the past 50 years he had sprinkled a little gunpowder on his cereal each morning.

He left behind 8 children, 21 grandchildren, 32 great-grandchildren, and a 15-foot hole in the crematori...

What's a white supremacist's favorite cereal?

Special KKK.

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