Why can’t the Minnesota Vikings eat cereal for breakfast?

They choke when they get too close to a bowl.

What is the number 2 cereal on Asgard?

Loki Charms

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Which is the number 1 cereal brand in Asgard?

Bifrosties

*holy shit almost crapped my pants with excitement when I came up with this. GF not as excited, I'm counting on you guys

What breakfast cereal do they serve at the Swiss clinic, Dignitas?

Cheerios!

What is Bill Cosby’s favorite Peter Pan themed cereal?

Roofie-Os

What do you call someone who puts the milk after the cereal?

A cereal killer.

What's Hodor's favorite breakfast cereal?

Raisin Bran.

What does German cereal say when it sees the milk in the morning?

Gluten-tag

Eating cereals for dinner.

It's the breakfast of tomorrow, today!

Never pour cereal down the loo.

It Kellogg's up your toilet.

What is a chiropractor's favorite cereal?

Rice Krispies (Snap, Crackle and Pop)

What kind of cereal does a school shooter eat?

Pumped Up Kix

What do you call a person who kills cereal?

Mentally ill.

I should've known better than to sign a contract that was written on the side of a cereal box.

Turns out the thing was filled with loopholes

What do you call someone who touches cereal inappropriately?

A chex offender

What is the night king’s favourite cereal

All-bran

People get so heated up about if the milk comes first in tea or cereal

Personally i prefer to put the tea in first, then the milk, then the cereal.

My kids love Life cereal. I told them there's a grown-up version called That's Just Life

Each box of it is expensive, mostly empty & doesn't taste very good.

Why does Thanos eat cereal?

Because it's part of a well balanced breakfast

Did you hear about the new breakfast cereal, Prostituties?

It doesn't go Snap, Crackle, Pop. It just lays there and Bangs.

Opens box of cereal...

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There was a boy playing in the farm field when his mom called him in for breakfast. On his way in he kicked a cow, a pig, and a chicken. So when he gets to the table he sees a dry bowl of cereal. "What's the deal?" he asks.

His mom says " You kicked the cow so no milk for you, you kicked the pig so no bacon for you, and you kicked the chicken so no eggs for you."

Then his father walks into the kitchen and accidentally kicks the cat.

The boy says "Will you tell him, or should I ?"

What do you call a group of cereal boxes that never keep their word?

Corn flakes

What's Chris Brown's favorite cereal?

Honey Smacks

Why is there always dust at the bottom of a bag of cereal?

It's a sign Thanos has ensured you get a "balanced" breakfast.

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An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter . . .

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope you're are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm - tell them to get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6am. B...

What’s the most popular breakfast cereal in Saudi Arabia?

Fruties Pebbled

Why didn't the snowman eat his cereal?

Because he was already feeling a little flaky.

I pee on the side of the bowl to make less noise.

My sister wasn't happy that I ruined her cereal.

My dad keeps saying that's what she said.

Dad; (Putting cereal in his bowl)

Me: Can you please put it in my thing also?

Dad: That's what she said.

Me: Please stop daddy!

Dad: That's what she said.

Me: Please, I'm only ten!!!

Dad: That's what she said.

What does cereal say when it leaves the room?

Cheerio

What do cannibals drink with their breakfast cereal?

A cup of Joe.

There's a guy sneaking around in grocery stores in my town dropping chunks of dry ice in boxes of cereal.

We're being attacked by a cereal chiller!

: As told by my 5 year old.

My wife said that she’s leaving me because of my obsession with breakfast cereals.

I said, “Ok. Cheerios then.”

What do you call a cereal box full of snakes?

Honey Bunches of nopes

I saw someone at the grocery store who angrily stabbed a box of corn flakes, and the flakes went everywhere.

The person was arrested for being a cereal killer.

I was preparing a bowl of cereal, finished 1 box of raisin bran and started another to fill my bowl. I was alarmed to see a different colored cereal;

Then I realized, they were different brans



this is a tru experience that just happened to me

What’s a band conductor’s favorite cereal?

Flute loops.

A mother comes down to the kitchen and finds her daughter up early, eating a bowl of cereal...

The daughter asks- “Mommy, I heard some strange sounds coming from your bedroom a little while ago. What were you and Daddy doing in there?”

The mother is instantly embarrassed.

“Um... your daddy and I were making a cake, sweetheart.”

The next morning the mom comes down and t...

What kinda murderer only kills in the mornings?

A cereal killer

Why did Neo have to eat his cereal with a fork?

Cos there is no spoon

With all the attention on preparing unusual foods in the smoker (hikory smoked mustard, maple smoked ice cream, etc.) I thought up a great idea for a smoked breakfast cereal.

We'll call them "Mesquite O's" the cereal with a bite! They'll leave you itching for more!

Do you think we can stir up some buzz about it?

Captain Crunch, The Trix rabbit and Tony the Tiger have been found dead in their homes.

I guess you could say there’s a cereal killer on the loose.

i just stepped on a cornflake

now, i'm officially a cereal killer

I heard about a man who used poisoned Cheerios to murder people

He was quite the cereal killer

Once I heard about a guy who murdered people by poisoning their breakfast.

Guess they’re a cereal killer.

Little Billy's mom took him to the grocery store.

In the middle of the cereal aisle little Billy yelled out "Mom I have to PEE!"

All the other women smirked and looked judgementally at Billy's mom as her face turned red as a tomato. She pulled her son close.

"Listen little Billy, I never want you to say that again. Next time you need ...

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Life

Did you hear the news about a dead woman’s body being found in the park yesterday?

She was discovered drowned in a bathtub full of milk with a banana up her butt.

Police said this is the work of a cereal killer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some crazy asshole cut me off while driving to work this morning.

I damned near spilt my cereal all over the book I was reading!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two guys riding the train together start talking.

GUY 1: Did you ever try and say something but the words come out all wrong.

GUY 2: Nah, not really what are you talking about?

GUY 1: For instance when is was buying tickets for the train the clerk had a fantastic set of knockers. I get up there and I asked for a picket to Titsburg....

A Spanish woman was married to an Arabic man when they discovered they were going to have identical twin boys.

After much discussion, it was decided that one should be named after his paternal grandfather Amal and the other after his maternal grandfather Juan. 

Years go by ...

The boys and their mom are at the grocery store one day when the boys were about 6 yrs old. As the mom was looking at c...

An old couple noticed that their memory had been deteriorating...

They went to the doctor’s office to check out the issue. The doctor suggested that they write down what they wanted to remember on sticky notes.

Later, when they got home, the wife asked her husband for a bowl of cereal. The husband said, “Right on it, darling!”

The wife asked, “Shoul...

I heard that life made a new lemon cream flavored cereal

When life gives you lemons.

A Grandfather talks to his grandson

Grandpa: Back then, for a dollah, I could get rice, milk, sardines, eggs, four boxes of cereal, a bottle of coke, some chips, and a tub of ice cream






Grandson: How about now, Grandpa?





Grandpa: Now a days, it's impossible to do anything with all dem g...

Yo mama so stupid she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

The fat one brought cereal.

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Breakfast with little Johnny

Little Johnny comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said Little Johnny.

His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little pissed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken.
<...

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My next door neighbor was found murdered.

He was discovered face down in his bathtub that had been filled with milk. A spoon had been stuck in his ass.

Police suspect a cereal killer.

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The single girl

A short joke, but one of my favorites.

A girl in her mid twenties goes to the supermarket. When she is done with her shopping, she begins walking towards the checkout (as you do).
At the checkout sits a guy, around her age. Short brown hair, brown eyes, a cute smile. Well, kind of an att...

Heard this from a coworker

Mr. Red, Mr. Green, Mr. Yellow, Mr. Orange, and Mr. Blue all live on the same street.

Each morning, Mr. Red wakes up in his red room, in his red house, pulls the red covers off of his bed, puts on his red robe, opens his red door, goes down his red stairs to his red kitchen and gets his red b...

Q: what kind of murderer has moral fiber?

A: a cereal killer

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I was at the deli counter behind another dad and his son the other day.

I was at the deli counter behind another dad and his son the other day. He has his hands full - the kid was screaming for candy, cookies... all sorts of things. The dad kept saying in a controlled voice: “Easy, William, this won’t take long. Just chill out.”

He had another outburst in the cer...

I just got laser eye surgery and I can't help but feel cheated

Because I still can't see why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch

Today I stepped on a corn flake.

Does that make me a cereal killer?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about little Johnny?

Little Johnny was in grade 2, one day after class he was sitting in the back yard playing with his dinky cars and his dad sitting on the deck watching. Little Johnny is playing a lot quietly when a butterfly floats infront of little Johnny and *THUNCK* Little Johnny smashes the butterfly. Dad comes ...

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