My wife gave me an ultimatum. It was either her or my addiction to sweets.

The decision was a piece of cake.

A doctor just flirted with me, she said that i was too sweet

She said overly diabetic but i know what she meant

My Thai girlfriend said, "These sweets are Haribo."



"Then don't eat them," I replied.

Teacher to politician: "Sir, why are you distributing sweets and celebrating? Your son has failed in the class"

Politician: "In a class of 40 students, 21 failed. So the majority is with my son"

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.

He seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.The case came up in court. The Judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.The man replied..."Well your Honor, it was like this: When the l...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

One day 4 friends went to the playground and seen a magic slide

the slide gives you whatever you say while going down.
the first friend goes up and slides down and says "money!!!!!" and lands in money
the second friend goes down and screams "sweets!!" and lands in a pile of sweets
the third friend climbs up slips on the last step and says "oh shit"

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A Jew, a Muslim, a Hindu, and an Atheist are asked to help decorate a Christmas Tree.

The Jew says, "My faith believes that Christ was just a really smart guy, but we don't celebrate Christmas. I'll put 7 candles on the tree to represent the Menorah" and he agrees to help.

The Muslim says, "My faith believes Christ was a holy guy, just not THE holy guy, so we don't celeb...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson.

He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, all sorts of things. The grandad is saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long . . . easy boy."

Another outburst and she hears the grandad calmly say: "It's okay William. Just a couple more minutes and ...

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