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Beverages Jokes

What does Batman put in his beverages?

Just ice.

What do you call someone with a doctorate in carbonated beverages?

A *fizz*ician

How do ducks carry their beverages?

In a waddle bottle!

A young job applicant was being interviewed for an entry-level position. His prospective boss asked, "Are you a smoker?" "Not even a little," said the young man. "How about alcoholic beverages?" "Never touch 'em," he replied.

The boss smiled and asked, "So you spend a lot of time with girls?"
The applicant said, "No, not really."
"So you don't have any vices?"
"Well, I do have one," he admitted.
"And what would that be?" the boss asked.
"I tell lies."

In college, I plan to study Food Science, specializing in carbonated beverages.

My dad always wanted me to become a fizzicist.

What do you call a scientist who splits atoms to create bubbly beverages?

A nuclear fizzicist.

Sierra appears on a trivia game show. Her first question is about carbonated beverages. Sierra knows nothing about carbonated beverages.

Needless to say, Sierra Mist that question.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?"

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?"

The bartender considers it, then agrees.

The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat.

He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano.
...

How many beverages does Saitama consume at a party?

One Punch, man

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My pastor just started a new line of alcoholic beverages.

It's called Jesus Jews.

I've protected my laptop by placing several alcoholic fruity beverages on top of it.

I guess I misunderstood when people told me to focus on cider security.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar...

He sits down at the counter and starts getting himself really good and drunk. Like, properly pissed. After a while, he feels a certain heaviness in his colon, so he calls over the bartender.

"'Scuse me," he asks blearily. "Where's the bathroom?"

"Oh, it's right down the hall!" the bart...

A buddy of mine isn't sure whether he believes in creamy holiday beverages or not.

He's eggnogstic.

I peed on the floor in front of the beverages at a party

Now there's no punchline.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The estate of Charles Dickens is too make alcoholic beverages from the apples on their land

The slogan is "All the girls love a Dickens Cider"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde and a brunette are taking a break

The brunette pulls out a thermos and starts to sip coffee while eating her lunch. The blonde asks what's up with the funny looking flask. "It's a thermos flask, it keeps hot beverages hot, and cold beverages cold!" the blonde is enthused, and decides right away to get one herself.

The next d...

Two men sit down at a restaurant.

A waitress comes to their table and takes their drink order. When she returns a few minutes later with their beverages, she finds them both eating sandwiches out of paper bags. "Hey!" she says, "you can't eat your own food here!" So they trade sandwiches.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Irishman walks into an American restaurant during the era of prohibition

He asks the waiter "give me a glass of stout to see how it compares to Guinness back home."
The waiter replies "I apologize but alcoholic beverages are illegal in this country, might I offer you a glass of water?"

The Irishman, having heard that this restaurant has a speakeasy in the back ...

Why should people under 18 never drink soda?

Because they're A-rated beverages

(Aerated)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A robber enters a liqour store holding a gun in his hand

He points his gun to the seller and yells: "quick, fill this bag with the money from the cash register and the most expensive beverages you have".

Seller: "sorry. I can't do that. You doesn't seem 21".

Robber: "the fuck??! Do you want to die old man?? Do exactly as I say!!".

Se...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A duck goes to a bar.

The duck enters the bar and asks the bar man, "do you have bread?"

To which the bar man responds, this is a bar we have whisky, beer and all sorts of alcholic beverages, do you want any?"

The duck says "do you have bread?"

The bar man replies "this is a bar we dont sell bread he...

Why do people talk louder when they drink?

Because alcoholic beverages are measured in volume.

Freud, Darwin and the Pope walked into a bar.

Sitting on the counter is a weird, creepy statue. As they walk in, it's eyes seem to follow them.
They approach the bar, and to their shock the statue speaks. "Enjoy your beverages, mortals."

The three are stunned for a moment.
Darwin recovers first.
"This obviously is a product of ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So my friend brought me to an amusement park...

...and we got onto one of the rides. It was one of those really whirly ones, and afterward we got off and I wanted to throw up. My friend got me a bag to throw up in.

After that, I started feeling dizzy. I told him, and he thought it may have been dehydration. We went to get drinks.

T...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man takes his family on vacation...

He goes down to the concierge desk and informs them that he has children in his room and he would like to request the following...


"Please ensure that no long distance numbers can be called."

"Of course sir, done."

"Please ensure there are no alcoholic beverages in the min...

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