UPJOKE
wasabitunasandwichpastapizzasoy sauceseafoodomelettenoodlevegetablesaladsteakcheeseburgertempurafood

What did the sushi say to the bee?

WASABI.



Ah, best lame joke ever.

How does Lady Gaga like her sushi?

Ra-ra-raw-raw Ra-ra-raw-raw.

I asked my Sushi Chef what his favorite roll was. .

he said payroll.

A cannibal wanted some sushi

So he bought a pack of ra-men

Sushi too bright

My friend bought a sushi lamp for his room, it's too bright, how does he make it dim some?

What do Helsinki and cheap sushi have in common?

They're both full of fins

What did sushi A say to sushi B?

Wasssabbiiii???

Is that a sushi roll in your pocket?

Or are you just happy sashimi?

Went out for sushi last night

And a guy spilled a whole bottle of soy sauce on himself. Everyone laughed except me. Don‘t Kikkoman when he’s down

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The Japanese Banking Sector is crashing!

Employees at the Karate Bank are for the chop.

The Bonsai Bank has had to cut some branches.

The Karaoke Bank is going for a song.

The Sumo Bank had to trim the fat.

Employees at the Sushi Bank are getting a raw deal.

Prices at the Samurai Bank have been slashed....

What's the Preferred Luxury Automobile of Sushi Chefs around the world?

Rolls Rice

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A group of tourists were enjoying sushi at a restaurant in Japan.

Having never eaten sushi before, one woman asked the chef if he would suggest the best way of eating it.

He nodded, and replied “Let me shoyu.”

Did you hear Sushi Restaurants are about to release a new type of roll?

It is the Lady Gaga Roll, and it is served Raw, Raw, Raw, Raw, Raw, Raw

What did the sushi say to its fiance?

You make miso happy.

Sushi

A woman goes up to the Sushi counter and asks the guy serving "Do you have fish balls"?

And he says "No, just normal size".

Three guys get invited to a kink party…

When they get there, they decide to split up, check things out, and meet back up to discuss things.

When they meet back up, the first guy says “YOU GUYS! I was in the dining room, and they had one of those human sushi platters!”

The second guy goes “oh YEAH?! Well I was in the smoking ...

Why do dinosaurs like sushi?

Because they like their food ROAR!!!

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Japanese banks

The recent tsunami in Japan has badly affected the banking sector.

Origami bank has folded.

Sumo bank has gone belly up.

Bonsai bank has cut back some of its branches.

Karaoke bank has been put up for sale and is going for a song.

Analysts report that there is some...

It's twenty one years since my father choked to death while eating sushi...

And its still pretty raw....

How do you comfort a grieving sushi chef?

Wasabi for your loss.

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Three college girls went to a sushi restaurant

After having a few drinks, the first girl said "I just ate 3 dozens of fish" after eating a fish egg sushi.

The girl beside her heard it and responded "That would mean I ate three to four chickens" while staring at her remaining Tamagoyaki (Japanese egg roll).

The third girl burped an...

What's a soldier's favorite type of sushi?

A combat roll

Did you hear about the new lawyer themed sushi restaurant that opened up the other day?

It's called Sosumi.

Expensive sushi

That's s raw deal

For a little while I thought I found something to replace my love for sushi....

...but alas, it was only tempurary.

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An American businessman goes to Japan for the meeting of his career.

He arrives a day early to prepare for the meeting, he tries some sushi and sake at a local restaurant. Feeling tempted to try more "local cuisine" he hires an escort for the evening. Night falls and he takes his escort up to his hotel room for some fun, he gives her all he's got and he knows she's l...

Why does some sushi have the rice on the inside of the seaweed wrap?

That's just how it rolls.

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What's the best pan to make sushi in?

Japan.

What's my favorite kind of sushi?

Payroll

My girlfriend used to be a vegan and post on r/vegan all the time. But then she got addicted to Sushi...

And only posts on r/aww

"This sushi is terrible."

"Sir, this is an aquarium."

At what age did the world's greatest sushi chef begin his training?

Tuna half.

What did Sushie A say to Sushi B?

Wasa-B! Let's roll.

What type of sushi does Bob Seger like?

That Old Thai Moroccan Roll.

A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant

He heard there was a fishy business.

What do sushi makers have in common with Spanish pirates?

They both seek fortuna.

My 5 year old hates Sushi. He came up with this stunner last night.

What rhymes with Sushi?

Tushie!

Sushi

...the rolls-rice of Asian seafood

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I asked my Japanese girlfriend to make me a traditional dish tasty enough to make me fall in love with her national cuisine.

Sushi did.

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What's the difference between hungry and horny?

Where you put the meat.

Also.....


What's similar between dildo and sushi?

Both are meat substitutes.


K imma go, this has been too meaty.

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Sex with a Japanese woman...

A lawyer from New York, is on a business trip to Tokyo. In Tokyo he's negotiating a big deal between the company he represents and a Japanese firm. Talks take place in English at a sushi-restaurant in down-town Tokyo, between the businessman and Mr. Oki, head of the Japanese company.

The neg...

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What did the Japanese chef say to his son when he brought back his girlfriend?

“Sushi’s the one?”

A muslim couple decided to have a baby.

The day of labour came and Doctor came out of the maternity ward with a grim look on his face.

Father asked what was wrong.

Doctor asked the father, which type of muslim he was.

"I am a sunni muslim," father replied.

"And your wife?"

"She is a shiite."

Docto...

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My friend said to me, "Whenever a World Cup game is on, let's eat something to do with that team for dinner that night."

Mexico was on, we had burritos.
Japan was on, we had sushi.
USA was on, we had burgers.
Italy was on, we had pizza.
Tuesday is England, so we're going out.

A Sunni and a Shia Muslim have a child together

They name her Sushi

Why doesn't Jesus eat sushi?

Because tacos are more popular in Mexico.

Have you tried the whale sushi?

It's Killer

My wife hated my obsession with Asian cuisine...

Sushi left me.

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My first time posting here, made up this one late night so, please be gentle with me kind stranger...

So a Cambodian guy walks into a bar,
He orders a drink from the bartender.
The bartender was new to the place and hasn't seen much foreigners so confused by the customer's race he makes conversation saying.
"Hey your people are famous for their great sushi I've heard"

The guy looks...

My mom is a sunni, my dad is a shia

I'm sushi.

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A man goes up to the counter to order a Polish sausage.

The cashier asks, “Hey, are you polish?”

The man then responds, “You think I’m polish just because I ordered a Polish sausage? If I ordered a wiener schnitzel would you think I’m German? If I ordered sushi would you think I’m Japanese? If I ordered Pizza would you think I’m Italian?”

T...

My girlfriend told me that if I took her to get sushi, I didn't have to use a condom after.

She's getting the raw end of that deal!

My sushi preparation class had a kleptomanniac as a substitute teacher

She took roll

Why are octopi easily duped when it comes to eating seafood?

They’re suckers for sushi

Funeral Plans

When I die, I want to be cremated and my ashes scattered in the sea.

So when my family eats sushi they'll think of me.

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Last night, my sexy Japanese friend asked me out for dinner.

"Hey, you wanna go for sushi? It's on me."

It's funny 'cause I paid the bill.

My mother claims that raw fish keeps disappearing from our refrigerator

It's the Ghost of sushi, ma

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A Mexican, American and Japanese man are standing on the top of the world's tallest building...

They are told to throw off something their country has a lot of.

The Japanese man goes first: he throws off sushi.

The Mexican then proceeds to throw off tacos.

And then the American pushes the Mexican off.

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