What do you call something that looks like pasta, and tastes like pasta, but isn't pasta?

An impasta.

What type of pasta is best eaten on its own?

Ravi-lonely.

What's Forest Gump's favorite kind of pasta?

Penne

Did you hear about the pasta and its cooking water?

Their relationship was strained.

What do you call pasta with a cold?

Macaroni and sneeze

Was told to me by my 3 year old

A pasta chef was caught stuffing the ballot boxes at a big Broadway awards show.

Apparently, he was trying to rig a Tony.

How did the pasta chef get locked out of his house?

He came home from work with gnocchi.

I'm starting a new pasta cult

May we praise the Noodle Lord for eternity. Ramen.

I had some uncooked pasta for dinner yesterday

It was an all-round solid meal

What did the pasta that grew up in the streets tell his kids?

I grew up in the spaghetto.

What's Forrest Gump favourite type of pasta

Penne

I tried to build a car out of spaghetti, my wife lost her temper and said it would never work and threatened to leave me, anyway, you should have seen her face when I drove pasta. After a while my obsession got the better of me and she walked out..

Now I’m feeling cannelloni.

What do you call it when Jesus throws his Pasta at the door?

Gnocchi on Heaven's Door

Did you hear about the pasta sauce that was really good at knocking down pins?

It was a bowlin’ ace.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Coronavirus is just like pasta...

Chinese invented it,

Italians perfected it, spread it throughout the world,

Americans fucked it all up.

Did you hear what happened to the Italian chef? He pasta way.

Looks like he ran out of thyme

I didn't understand what my wife meant when she told me I was holding the bag of pasta upside down...

Then the Penne dropped

My wife once told me I can’t build a car out of pasta.

You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta

Why are people buying out all the pasta/macaroni products?

Because when you are in lockdown.. A nice bowl can pasta time quicker

I taught my son about gravity by throwing pasta and sauce at the ceiling

He didn't get it at first, but it wasn't long before the penne dropped.

Very good tea and pasta joke

What is your favorite type of tea?







Spaghett-tea


Thank you

There’s 500 types of pasta

The pastabilities are endless.

My mum was upset when I put ginger in the pasta last night

I guess she liked that cat

My friend promised to hide the cell key in my final meal, a plate of pasta.

But when I looked, there was gnocchi.

My best friend's mum passed away recently.

A month before his birthday too so that blew. On his birthday his dad asks me if I could help make a present which might remind him of his mum.
I was a bit apprehensive but I agreed. All I had to do was being a can of crushed tomatoes and some flour.


On his birthday, during the small ...

My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with pasta.

I'm feeling canneloni right now

Did you hear about the pasta maker that was locked out of his house?

It was because he had Gnocchi.

What kind of pasta is served at Forrest Gumps restaurant?

Penn-ay!

What do you call a pair of pasta magicians?

Penne and Tagliateller

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Anal virginity reminds me of leftover pasta

squishy and delicious, but soon forgotten

Corona virus has caused our local supermarket to sell out of pasta

All because of a fusilli people

As soon as Don Cappelli and his thugs entered Mario’s restaurant

...all of the guests immediately stopped what they were doing and quietly left. Don Cappelli’s face was very well-known around the city, and while he was ‘saving’ business after business from going bankrupt and helping families at their time of need, nobody dared ask where his money came from, nor d...

I just got fired from the pasta factory :(

I made a fusili mistakes.

What do Italians say about pasta?

Every penne counts!

COVID-19 is like Pasta

Asians invented it, Italians spread it.

My mum said I couldn’t make a car out of durum wheat flour...

You should have seen her face when I drove pasta

A man is checking out at the grocery store.

He buys a dozen eggs, two boxes of pasta, waffles, a bag of onions, lunch meat, oatmeal, sparkling water and throws on a pack of gum at the register.
The woman behind him says "you must be single"
"Why yes I am! Did you figure this out by noticing all the stuff I bought?"
"Nope, it's becaus...

Gordon Ramsay heard of a particular Italian restaurant that was recommended by a LOT of people.

Intrigued, he went there to speak to the chef.

He asked the chef, "What gave your restaurant such a burst of popularity?"

The chef answers, "Well, it all a-began when we introduced a new meal.

The meal was made with a fish, in Italian we-a call it Coppi.

We catch it in-a ...

My girlfriend made a bet with me

She said theres no way i can make a car out of spaghetti. Shoulda seen the look on her face as i drove pasta.

Have you guys tried my new Texan pasta dish?

It's y'all dente

I was choking on some alphabet pasta when a lady asked if I needed help.

She took the words right out of my mouth.

[OC]

Why didn’t the Italian chef show up for work?

He pasta-way

I wrote a play about pasta and fairly won an award

Didn't even have to rig a Tony

Did y'all hear about the Italian chef that died?

He pasta way, but his legacy will become a pizza history. I'm sending olive my thought and prayers to his family. How sad that he ran out of thyme, here today gone tomato, we cannoli do so much. I never sausage a tragedy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you say "thank you for the pasta" in Japanese?

Arigatoni

What kind of pasta grants wishes?

Fettugenie

Mafia have boiled a man to death in an industrial pasta cooker.

Police are still trying to al dentefy the victim.

I started eating more pasta, and suddenly became psychic...

... you could say I had *penne* for their thoughts.

My daughter called to tell me she saw a man driving a fast car made of macaroni and cheese.

She was doing 80 in a Honda and he was driving pasta.
E: my first (I think) original dad joke. Don’t slaughter me

A Broadway producer is telling his woes to a bartender...

A Broadway producer is telling his woes to a bartender and is explaining how much money he is losing on his latest play. He knows it's no good but feels if he could get some awards people would start talking about it and wanting to go see it. He just needs to figure out a way to get this play to win...

What do you call pasta you buy from the bad side of town?

Spaghetto

Tired of boiling water every time you make pasta?

Boil some at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later.

Where do black pastas live?

In the spaghetto

What do you call all the pasta that you haven’t eaten yet?

Futura

I forget where I heard it but I didn’t make this.

Did you hear my uncle died?

Oh no.

Yeah, he was a chef. He just pasta way so quickly. But hey, you cannoli do so much. His life will remain a pizza history.

Three men stop for lunch

Three men stop for lunch on a construction site while working on the 10th floor. The first one, Chang from China says "I am so bored with what I have been having for lunch. If I have noodles again for lunch, I am going to jump off the building" And he opens his lunch to find noodles, and promptly ju...

What do you call spooky Italian music?

Creepy pasta.

Once a pasta chef sat down to talk to his wife about something important

"Honey", the pasta chef said, "I know you said you wanted just two kids, but I really want three or more."

"Dear", his wife said, "are our two silly kids not enough for you?"

"Honey", the pasta chef said, "I just don't want to live having a couple silly kids. I really would like to hav...

My friend works at an Italian restaurant. Today, he over-fried the food while trying to tell us a ghost story.

Guess it's crispy-pasta now.

Did you hear about the Italian man who died? He pasta way...

...now he's a pizza history.

A North American Elk walks into a pizzeria...

A North American Elk walks into a pizzeria and sits at an empty table while he waits for the waiter. The waiter hands him a menu and the Elk ponders for a bit. He's not really in the mood for pizza, so he narrows it down to pasta. The Elk is finally ready to order, so he calls for the waiter. The wa...

What kind of pasta sauce does Trump LOVE!!!

Putin-esca

I made this up myself just now.

A wife talking to her neighbor: Wife: my husband went to get some pasta and got hit with a bus. neighbor: oh God! What did you do?

Wife: I made some fried eggs and Called it a day.

An astronaut fell into a black hole...

After, a NASA official was explaining the situation to the dead astronaut's, now widowed, wife.

"What do you mean he was spaghettified?" The widow interjects.

The official replies, "I'm sorry. Your husband has... Pasta way..."

I quit eating spaghetti.

Now it's a thing of the pasta.

I have a medical condition where I’m allergic to only one type of pasta

It’s called macaroni and sneeze

What do you call the aspect of pasta that allows it to stab you?

The penne trait

What do you call the formal study of pasta?

Linguinistics.

I'll show myself out.

What do you call a pasta sauce made out of sea breezes?

A ‘marine’-‘air’a

What do you call a magical pasta that grants you three wishes?

Fettu-genie alfredo :D

Did you hear about the COVID-19 spreading like crazy in Italy?

Looks like it's being pasta around.

What did the ravioli play on his birthday?

Pasta Parcel.

Italians don’t die they...

Pasta way

The last week or two I've been really obsessed with mixing things.

The last week of two I've been really obsessed with mixing things. I've been mixing anything and everything I can find, from pasta and sauce to the garbage in the trash can and the clothes in my drawer.


The weirdest thing is that when I start mixing something I have a hard time stopping! ...

What's "Hasta la vista, baby" in Italian?

Pasta la pizza, baby

Did you hear about the Italian who choked to death on pasta?

His family was terribly sad that he pasta-way

What do you call hellish pasta?

Al Dente's inferno

[So proud, my 8yo made this up at Golden Corral last night....] What kind of pasta do you make yourself?

Make-your-owni

A wife cooked her husband a pasta dish and posted the pic on fb

Later at the dining table...

Husband: “Sweetheart, I think it needs a bit more salt."

Wife : “What the hell! This pasta got 453 Likes and also 138 people commented 'Yummy'. But there's no pleasing you is there?"

I love eating food at midnight

It's pasta bed time!

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