UPJOKE
lasagnanoodlespaghettimacaroniraviolidishorzopennesouppestofoodsaladrisottocheesegnocchi

What do you call something that looks like pasta, and tastes like pasta, but isn't pasta?

An impasta.

What do you call pasta with a cold?

Macaroni and sneeze

Was told to me by my 3 year old

What type of pasta is best eaten on its own?

Ravi-lonely.

Did you hear about the pasta and its cooking water?

Their relationship was strained.

My girlfriend left me because of what she described as my "weird pasta fetish"

Now I'm feeling cannalonli

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me: Would you like some olive oil on your pasta?

Customer: Is it extra virgin?

Me: *tearing up* No it’s the same price

Mafia have boiled a man to death in a industrial pasta cooker.

Police are still trying to al dentefy the victim.

What's Forrest Gump's favorite pasta?

Penne.

It's my cake day but I'm really sad. My wife and I got into a huge fight. She went shopping and spent a ton of money on a bag of pasta.

Can you believe that? A bag of pasta!

She insists it will be worth every penne.

Why couldn’t the pasta get inside the house?

Gnocchi

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wedding night

Sophia had just gotten married, and being a traditional Italian girl living under the watchful eye of her mother, she remained a virgin up until she and her husband took their wedding vows…

On their wedding night, the newlyweds stayed at her mother's house, and Sophia was nervous. Her mother...

I suspect my daughter might enjoy alphabet pasta...

but I don't want to put words in her mouth.

What do you call heavily burnt pasta?

Al Dante.

What kind of pasta do they eat in Antarctica?

Penguine

I like my men how I like my pasta

Made with mom and dads love

What type of pasta do crooked musical writers like?

Rigatoni

I spent my entire life savings on Pasta

It was worth every Penne.

What do you call pasta that lives in the hood?

Spaghetto

What do you give an abusive pasta chef who always serves wet noodles?

A re-straining order.

A woman covered in pasta sauce takes a pregnancy test

Turns out she's Prego

My wife recently left me because of my pasta-touching fetish

I have been feeling cannelloni

Pasta joke: what sauce contains tomato, garlic, olives, capers, anchovies and a despotic lunatic?

Putinesca

I started cooking spaghetti.

Just to pasta time.

I dropped a piece of pasta off of a cliff,

It was a farfalle.

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?

He pasta-way.

You know what place has great pasta?

Hell.

I hear everything is Al Dante

My local soup kitchen is looking for volunteers for their next Pasta Dinner..

I'll check my colander and set aside some thyme for it.

I told my mom I wanted to have a potato pasta for dinner. Her response?

Gnocchi dokey.

What sort of pasta do you use if you want to fix a musical theatre award?

Rigatoni

What is an Italian family's favourite dinner time?

Six pasta ate.

rip_chef

Heard about the italian chef who died?

he pasta way, he could cannoli do so much and his legacy will be a pizza history

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I accidentally put antipasto in the pasta jar.

Now there's a big fucking hole in the wall.

fellow Pastafarian

When a fellow Pastafarian has died, is it polite/proper to say they have pasta way?

What do you call jail for murderous pastas?

The state pennetentiary

What do pasta and cars have in common?

I don't like either al dente

My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with pasta.

Im feeling canneloni right now

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This pasta has AoT level writing, by the time you get to the last line everything you previously read will get whole new meaning. Enjoy

.

>!gf is prego!<

>!we like to get kinky anyways!<

>!one night things get particularly saucy!<

>!i'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird fucking chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights!<

>!wtf it's red everywhere and she's ob...

Where does the tomato and pasta go to dance?

At the Meat Ball

What is the saddest pasta?

Tort-alone-i

What did the incel say when he wanted to order pasta?

Send noods.

(I'm sorry)

I don't know whether there is a dumpling-shaped pasta made of potato flour, but I'll believe it when I see it.

You can say I'm agnocchic.

My sister bet me $100 I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti

You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta

I told my wife I was making a bicycle out of spaghetti. She didn't believe me...

Until I rode pasta.

Having intercourse is like having pasta

Because it involves penne tration

Pasta joke trilogy

My girlfriend refused to believe a spaghetti bike could work. You should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta.

Things took a turn for the worse when I was fired from my job at the pasta factory. Fusilli mistakes.

To top it all off, my girlfriend said she couldn’t stand me touching pasta ...

Very good tea and pasta joke

What is your favorite type of tea?







Spaghett-tea


Thank you

What did Forrest Gump say when asked what his favorite type of pasta is?

I love you Penne

A man is on a date...[NSFW]

A man is on date with a beautiful girl and he takes her to a fancy hotel with a fancy restaurant and orders the most expensive food which happens to be a traditional italian pasta. While he is eating he finds finds a strand of hair and goes ballistic with anger. He immediately calls the manager and ...

A Macaroni, a Penne and a Spaghetti were drinking wine in a bar one evening. They saw a noodle sitting by himself and discussed inviting him to join them.

They all agreed he looked Cannelloni.

EDIT; Thank you for all the awards, I guess I pasta test!

I was choking on some alphabet pasta when a lady asked if I needed help.

She took the words right out of my mouth.

[OC]

There’s 500 types of pasta

The pastabilities are endless.

Pasta is long and stringy. Rice is short and stubby.

Orzo you think

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a kid I always insisted on having olive oil on my pasta instead of meat sauce.

Maybe that is why I am a virgin.

Went I got home yesterday I found my wife on the kitchen floor with her best girlfriend lying on top of her, both naked, with flat pasta and tomato sauce all over them.

"what is this?"I asked

"What does it look like?"

"It looks like a lez on ya!"

I’m 3’6”, which makes certain daily tasks extremely difficult. Recently, I spent a good 10 minutes in my local supermarket wondering how to get the pasta down from the top shelf.

Then suddenly the penne dropped.

What's a dog's favourite type of pasta?

Wagliataile

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Italians have always copied good inventions from other cultures and made them exceptional

Beretta took Walthers's designs and made them sexy

They discovered noodles from china, removed the dog, and created pasta

They stole the idea of arches from the Etruscans and built colosseums and aqueducts

They took the gladius from celt-iberians and conquered the world with it<...

How do German pasta lovers say hello?

Gluten Tag

I just got fired from the pasta factory :(

I made a fusili mistakes.

I taught my son about gravity by throwing pasta and sauce at the ceiling

He didn't get it at first, but it wasn't long before the penne dropped.

What kind of pasta is served at Forrest Gumps restaurant?

Penn-ay!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I get really horny whenever I eat pasta

the doctor said I got a fetishini

I didn't understand what my wife meant when she told me I was holding the bag of pasta upside down...

Then the Penne dropped

My friend promised to hide the cell key in my final meal, a plate of pasta.

But when I looked, there was gnocchi.

I tried to build a car out of spaghetti, my wife lost her temper and said it would never work and threatened to leave me, anyway, you should have seen her face when I drove pasta. After a while my obsession got the better of me and she walked out..

Now I’m feeling cannelloni.

What kind of pasta sauce does Trump LOVE!!!

Putin-esca

I made this up myself just now.

What do you call designer pasta?

J.C Penne

Did you hear about the travelling pasta salesman?

His commission was penne's on the dollar

What do you call the formal study of pasta?

Linguinistics.

I'll show myself out.

Did you hear what happened to the Italian chef? He pasta way.

Looks like he ran out of thyme

How did the pasta chef get locked out of his house?

He came home from work with gnocchi.

Why are people buying out all the pasta/macaroni products?

Because when you are in lockdown.. A nice bowl can pasta time quicker

Due to the coronavirus, there has been a shortage of pasta in shops.

The government is urging the public not to panic buy based on the actions of a fusilli individuals.

Have you guys tried my new Texan pasta dish?

It's y'all dente

Did you hear about the pasta sauce that was really good at knocking down pins?

It was a bowlin’ ace.

I'm writing an Italian opera about pasta. Hopefully it's successful.

Otherwise I might have to rigatoni.

COVID-19 jokes are like pasta:

They're inspired by the italians, come in many forms, and redditors don't know how to make them from scratch.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Anal virginity reminds me of leftover pasta

squishy and delicious, but soon forgotten

I had some uncooked pasta for dinner yesterday

It was an all-round solid meal

What kind of pasta grants wishes?

Fettugenie

Corona virus has caused our local supermarket to sell out of pasta

All because of a fusilli people

What do you call all the pasta that you haven’t eaten yet?

Futura

I started eating more pasta, and suddenly became psychic...

... you could say I had *penne* for their thoughts.

A North American Elk walks into a pizzeria...

A North American Elk walks into a pizzeria and sits at an empty table while he waits for the waiter. The waiter hands him a menu and the Elk ponders for a bit. He's not really in the mood for pizza, so he narrows it down to pasta. The Elk is finally ready to order, so he calls for the waiter. The wa...

A mummified macaroni pizza was uncovered in Italy today.

The man who uncovered it says "It's a pizza of our pasta."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Woman meets the Italian

One day, a woman has a date with a French guy at his hotel room, floor 10. The french guy makes the balcony in a romantic mood, wine, food so the woman can enjoy the time with him.

After some time, woman asks the french guy:

Woman: If I would be your girlfriend, how would you treat me?...

COVID-19 is like Pasta

Asians invented it, Italians spread it.

My mum was upset when I put ginger in the pasta last night

I guess she liked that cat

What do you call a pasta sauce made out of sea breezes?

A ‘marine’-‘air’a

Where do black pastas live?

In the spaghetto

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.