What do you call something that looks like pasta, and tastes like pasta, but isn't pasta?

An impasta.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Coronavirus is just like pasta...

Chinese invented it,

Italians perfected it, spread it throughout the world,

Americans fucked it all up.

What do you call pasta with a cold?

Macaroni and sneeze

Was told to me by my 3 year old

What type of pasta is best eaten on its own?

Ravi-lonely.

What did the pasta that grew up in the streets tell his kids?

I grew up in the spaghetto.

Very good tea and pasta joke

What is your favorite type of tea?







Spaghett-tea


Thank you

A pasta chef was caught stuffing the ballot boxes at a big Broadway awards show.

Apparently, he was trying to rig a Tony.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I get really horny whenever I eat pasta

the doctor said I got a fetishini

A woman covered in pasta sauce takes a pregnancy test

Turns out she's Prego

I'm starting a new pasta cult

May we praise the Noodle Lord for eternity. Ramen.

Did you hear about the pasta and its cooking water?

Their relationship was strained.

Pasta is long and stringy. Rice is short and stubby.

Orzo you think

What do you call designer pasta?

J.C Penne

Did you hear about the travelling pasta salesman?

His commission was penne's on the dollar

What's Sheldon Cooper's favorite type of pasta?

*knock knock knock* Penne
*knock knock knock* Penne
*knock knock knock* Penne

Pasta joke trilogy

My girlfriend refused to believe a spaghetti bike could work. You should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta.

Things took a turn for the worse when I was fired from my job at the pasta factory. Fusilli mistakes.

To top it all off, my girlfriend said she couldn’t stand me touching pasta ...

How do German pasta lovers say hello?

Gluten Tag

A shelf stacker was stacking pasta boxes. In a local supermarket.

When the shelf suddenly collapsed on him. His manager called the paramedics but by the time they came he had sadly pastaway.

I tried to build a car out of spaghetti, my wife lost her temper and said it would never work and threatened to leave me, anyway, you should have seen her face when I drove pasta. After a while my obsession got the better of me and she walked out..

Now I’m feeling cannelloni.

My girlfriend left me because of my alleged pasta fetish.

Right now I’m feeling cannelloni...

There aren’t any downright stupid pasta names,

but there are a fusilli ones.

What type of pasta is the kinkiest

Fetish-ini

I'm writing an Italian opera about pasta. Hopefully it's successful.

Otherwise I might have to rigatoni.

How did the pasta chef get locked out of his house?

He came home from work with gnocchi.

Did you hear about the pasta sauce that was really good at knocking down pins?

It was a bowlin’ ace.

Did you hear what happened to the Italian chef? He pasta way.

Looks like he ran out of thyme

My wife once told me I can’t build a car out of pasta.

You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta

There’s 500 types of pasta

The pastabilities are endless.

I had some uncooked pasta for dinner yesterday

It was an all-round solid meal

I didn't understand what my wife meant when she told me I was holding the bag of pasta upside down...

Then the Penne dropped

My friend promised to hide the cell key in my final meal, a plate of pasta.

But when I looked, there was gnocchi.

My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with pasta.

I'm feeling canneloni right now

I taught my son about gravity by throwing pasta and sauce at the ceiling

He didn't get it at first, but it wasn't long before the penne dropped.

Due to the coronavirus, there has been a shortage of pasta in shops.

The government is urging the public not to panic buy based on the actions of a fusilli individuals.

My best friend's mum passed away recently.

A month before his birthday too so that blew. On his birthday his dad asks me if I could help make a present which might remind him of his mum.
I was a bit apprehensive but I agreed. All I had to do was being a can of crushed tomatoes and some flour.


On his birthday, during the small ...

Did you hear about the pasta maker that was locked out of his house?

It was because he had Gnocchi.

I lost my Italian friend...

He pasta away

Corona virus has caused our local supermarket to sell out of pasta

All because of a fusilli people

Why are there no Italians on r/Jokes

They don't copy pasta

I just got fired from the pasta factory :(

I made a fusili mistakes.

What did the pasta say to the cheese?

Grate to meet you!

Have you guys tried my new Texan pasta dish?

It's y'all dente

As soon as Don Cappelli and his thugs entered Mario’s restaurant

...all of the guests immediately stopped what they were doing and quietly left. Don Cappelli’s face was very well-known around the city, and while he was ‘saving’ business after business from going bankrupt and helping families at their time of need, nobody dared ask where his money came from, nor d...

What do Italians say about pasta?

Every penne counts!

I was choking on some alphabet pasta when a lady asked if I needed help.

She took the words right out of my mouth.

[OC]

What kind of pasta is served at Forrest Gumps restaurant?

Penn-ay!

My partner laughed at me when I told her I was going to make a bike out of Macaroni

You should've seen her face when I cycled pasta.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Anal virginity reminds me of leftover pasta

squishy and delicious, but soon forgotten

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Italian Wedding Night

**Maria had just gotten married, and being a traditional Italian she was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was very nervous.**


**Her mother reassured her;**


**'Don't worry, Maria, Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of...

Why is it so hard to eat spaghetti?

I'm not sure, but I heard it was in pasta bowl

The old Italian man didn’t die.

He pasta way.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you say "thank you for the pasta" in Japanese?

Arigatoni

COVID-19 is like Pasta

Asians invented it, Italians spread it.

My mum was upset when I put ginger in the pasta last night

I guess she liked that cat

Eating Dinner With My Friends

One of them, sitting at the end of the table, points at the spaghetti in a container placed in the middle of the table.

Me: "What do you want?"

Him "Pasta bowl."

I asked the flight attendant what was in the spaghetti sauce

She said don't worry it's plane pasta.

There's a new cemetery in my town especially for people who died of obesity.

If you're looking for the address, it's 1 Pasta Way.

Mafia have boiled a man to death in an industrial pasta cooker.

Police are still trying to al dentefy the victim.

Once a pasta chef sat down to talk to his wife about something important

"Honey", the pasta chef said, "I know you said you wanted just two kids, but I really want three or more."

"Dear", his wife said, "are our two silly kids not enough for you?"

"Honey", the pasta chef said, "I just don't want to live having a couple silly kids. I really would like to hav...

Tired of boiling water every time you make pasta?

Boil some at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later.

Did y'all hear about the Italian chef that died?

He pasta way, but his legacy will become a pizza history. I'm sending olive my thought and prayers to his family. How sad that he ran out of thyme, here today gone tomato, we cannoli do so much. I never sausage a tragedy.

What kind of pasta grants wishes?

Fettugenie

What do you call all the pasta that you haven’t eaten yet?

Futura

I started eating more pasta, and suddenly became psychic...

... you could say I had *penne* for their thoughts.

Spaghetti wife is sitting the the waiting room, waiting for her husband to get out of surgery

The doctor walks in and says " Im sorry to inform you but your husband pasta-way."

Gordon Ramsay heard of a particular Italian restaurant that was recommended by a LOT of people.

Intrigued, he went there to speak to the chef.

He asked the chef, "What gave your restaurant such a burst of popularity?"

The chef answers, "Well, it all a-began when we introduced a new meal.

The meal was made with a fish, in Italian we-a call it Coppi.

We catch it in-a ...

What do you call pasta you buy from the bad side of town?

Spaghetto

Did you hear about the Italian man who died? He pasta way...

...now he's a pizza history.

What kind of pasta sauce does Trump LOVE!!!

Putin-esca

I made this up myself just now.

What do you call the formal study of pasta?

Linguinistics.

I'll show myself out.

I wrote a play about pasta and fairly won an award

Didn't even have to rig a Tony

What's the difference between an unusual undercooked pasta, and the easing of tensions between a famous parody artist and the singers he parodies?

One is a weird al dente, and the other is a "Weird Al" detente.

A man is checking out at the grocery store.

He buys a dozen eggs, two boxes of pasta, waffles, a bag of onions, lunch meat, oatmeal, sparkling water and throws on a pack of gum at the register.
The woman behind him says "you must be single"
"Why yes I am! Did you figure this out by noticing all the stuff I bought?"
"Nope, it's becaus...

Why didn’t the Italian chef show up for work?

He pasta-way

A North American Elk walks into a pizzeria...

A North American Elk walks into a pizzeria and sits at an empty table while he waits for the waiter. The waiter hands him a menu and the Elk ponders for a bit. He's not really in the mood for pizza, so he narrows it down to pasta. The Elk is finally ready to order, so he calls for the waiter. The wa...

My daughter called to tell me she saw a man driving a fast car made of macaroni and cheese.

She was doing 80 in a Honda and he was driving pasta.
E: my first (I think) original dad joke. Don’t slaughter me

What do you call the aspect of pasta that allows it to stab you?

The penne trait

In an Italian restaurant, if you saved any amount of pipe shaped pasta, you could take it home.

Each penne saved was a penne earned.

I have a medical condition where I’m allergic to only one type of pasta

It’s called macaroni and sneeze

What do you call a magical pasta that grants you three wishes?

Fettu-genie alfredo :D

Where do black pastas live?

In the spaghetto

What do you call a pasta sauce made out of sea breezes?

A ‘marine’-‘air’a

[So proud, my 8yo made this up at Golden Corral last night....] What kind of pasta do you make yourself?

Make-your-owni

Three men stop for lunch

Three men stop for lunch on a construction site while working on the 10th floor. The first one, Chang from China says "I am so bored with what I have been having for lunch. If I have noodles again for lunch, I am going to jump off the building" And he opens his lunch to find noodles, and promptly ju...

What do you call an Italian hooker?

A pasta-tute.

I forget where I heard it but I didn’t make this.

Did you hear my uncle died?

Oh no.

Yeah, he was a chef. He just pasta way so quickly. But hey, you cannoli do so much. His life will remain a pizza history.

A wife cooked her husband a pasta dish and posted the pic on fb

Later at the dining table...

Husband: “Sweetheart, I think it needs a bit more salt."

Wife : “What the hell! This pasta got 453 Likes and also 138 people commented 'Yummy'. But there's no pleasing you is there?"

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