My girlfriend left me because I have a fetish for touching pasta.

I'm feeling cannelloni now. 😔

(Thanks for the silver! X 😊😊)

What kind of pasta grants wishes?

Fettugenie

What do you call all the pasta that you haven’t eaten yet?

Futura

A pasta chef was caught stuffing the ballot boxes at a big Broadway awards show.

Apparently, he was trying to rig a Tony.

I started eating more pasta, and suddenly became psychic...

... you could say I had *penne* for their thoughts.

What do you call pasta with a cold?

Macaroni and sneeze

Was told to me by my 3 year old

What did Forrest Gump say to his bowl of pasta?

I love you, penne!

What do you call something that looks like pasta, and tastes like pasta, but isn't pasta?

An impasta.

Once a pasta chef sat down to talk to his wife about something important

"Honey", the pasta chef said, "I know you said you wanted just two kids, but I really want three or more."

"Dear", his wife said, "are our two silly kids not enough for you?"

"Honey", the pasta chef said, "I just don't want to live having a couple silly kids. I really would like to hav...

What do you call pasta you buy from the bad side of town?

Spaghetto

What's the difference between an unusual undercooked pasta, and the easing of tensions between a famous parody artist and the singers he parodies?

One is a weird al dente, and the other is a "Weird Al" detente.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How do you say "thank you for the pasta" in Japanese?

Arigatoni

I have a medical condition where I’m allergic to only one type of pasta

It’s called macaroni and sneeze

Mafia have boiled a man to death in an industrial pasta cooker.

Police are still trying to al dentefy the victim.

Why couldn’t the pasta maker get into his apartment?

Because he had gnocchi.

My sister bet me 15$ that I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti.

You should of seen the look on her face as I drove pasta.

Tired of boiling water every time you make pasta?

Boil some at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later.

What do you call the formal study of pasta?

Linguinistics.

I'll show myself out.

What's a locksmith's favorite pasta?

Gnocchi

How do Italians eat pasta?

Properly.

What's Mussolini' favourite pasta

Fussilini

What do you call a magical pasta that grants you three wishes?

Fettu-genie alfredo :D

In an Italian restaurant, if you saved any amount of pipe shaped pasta, you could take it home.

Each penne saved was a penne earned.

What do you call a pasta sauce made out of sea breezes?

A ‘marine’-‘air’a

I was choking on some alphabet pasta when a lady asked if I needed help.

She took the words right out of my mouth.

[OC]

What is Forest Gump's favorite type of pasta?

Penne

Did you hear about the Italian man who died? He pasta way...

...now he's a pizza history.

What do you call the aspect of pasta that allows it to stab you?

The penne trait

I ordered a pasta strainer on Amazon.

But it never came.

So I had to keep calling Amazon over and over and continually pester them until, finally, they gave me a re-straining order.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

(NSFW) My doctor told me, “You’re like pasta!”

“When things get hot, you go soft!” He then wrote me a prescription for Viagra.

Did you hear about the Italian who choked to death on pasta?

His family was terribly sad that he pasta-way

What do you call hellish pasta?

Al Dente's inferno

A wife cooked her husband a pasta dish and posted the pic on fb

Later at the dining table...

Husband: “Sweetheart, I think it needs a bit more salt."

Wife : “What the hell! This pasta got 453 Likes and also 138 people commented 'Yummy'. But there's no pleasing you is there?"

[So proud, my 8yo made this up at Golden Corral last night....] What kind of pasta do you make yourself?

Make-your-owni

What kind of pasta sauce does Trump LOVE!!!

Putin-esca

I made this up myself just now.

I came second in a pasta making competition

I would have won if it wasn't for a Fusilli mistakes!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A few middle-aged coworkers got together for lunch at the Pasta House.

Having only known one another in the work environment prior, this lunch have them all a chance to unwind and get to know their coworkers on a personal level.

Tom put down his fourth bottle of Bud Light. "Please excuse for a second," said Tom. "I have to use the restroom."

As Tom was a...

You can call me cheese on pasta

Because I'm grate

What kind of pasta should you NEVER put on your face?

Ziti!

(This might be a repost, but my mom just thought of it and I thought it was hilarious 😘)

The Italian dish which is controversial in r/jokes

Copy Pasta

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's the difference between a hooker and farting after eating spaghetti?

One gets paid to have sex and the other's a pasta toot.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What did the half-Japanese half-Italian man say when he was handed a bowl of pasta?

Arigatoni.

Why was the pasta noodle kicked off of the subway?

They realized he was stroganoff

What is a jawa's favorite style of pasta?

Rotini

Sorry, was picking out pasta for tuna casserole and it made me laugh.

I saw a climate scientist eating pasta out of a pink leather bowl

He was eating carb on dyed ox hide

What does pasta say when it's done praying?

Ramen

Been fired from my job at the pasta factory

I made a fusilli mistakes.

My brother said his pasta tasted weak and brittle.

It seems to have a bad case of sauceteoporosis.

My girlfriend left me today because I have developed a pasta touching fetish.

I've been feeling Canneloni ever since. :'(

Pasta Diet

1.. You walk pasta bakery.

2.. You walk pasta candy store.

3.. You walk pasta Ice Cream shop.

4.. You walk pasta fridge.

Did you hear about the man with a car made of pasta?.

He got in a crash, and now his car's al dente.

My flatmates said I wasted my money buying a kilo of pasta..

..but I say it was worth every penne.

Traveling through Italy I spent hundreds of Euros on pasta. (Pun)

It was worth every Penne.

I bought a spray used for destroying a particular pasta sauce.

It's a pestocide.

Women are like pasta

They are straight until you get them wet.
- Ellen Degeneres

I let a pasta chef borrow my car

He returned it all denty.

What does expensive pasta cost?

A pretty penne

Today is National Pasta Day

I have a friend that would have loved today, but sadly she's pastaway

Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?

He pasta way. Although we cannoli do so much, he will forever be a pizza history. His wife? Cheese still not over it. Just goes to show here today, gone tomato. Lets send olive our prayers to the family.

My only fetish is for pasta

I guess you could call it fetichinni...

What did Nixon say when his pasta got criticized?

I am not a cook.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call pasta made by a jamaican sex pest?

Harrastapasta

Why does pasta always have to pay so much for car insurance?

Because it can't drive a car without making it all denty.

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