UPJOKE
lasagnanoodlespaghettimacaroniraviolidishcouscousorzopennesouppestofoodsaladrisottotortellini

What do you call something that looks like pasta, and tastes like pasta, but isn't pasta?

An impasta.
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What do you call pasta with a cold?

Macaroni and sneeze

Was told to me by my 3 year old
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What type of pasta is best eaten on its own?

Ravi-lonely.
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Did you hear about the pasta and its cooking water?

Their relationship was strained.
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I told my wife I was making a bicycle out of spaghetti. She didn't believe me...

Until I rode pasta.
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This joke may contain profanity. šŸ¤”

Me: Would you like some olive oil on your pasta?

Customer: Is it extra virgin?

Me: *tearing up* No itā€™s the same price

How does Satan like his pasta?

Al Dante
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My wife left me because of my obsession with pasta!

I'm feeling cannelloni right now..
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A Macaroni, a Penne and a Spaghetti were drinking wine in a bar one evening. They saw a noodle sitting by himself and discussed inviting him to join them.

They all agreed he looked Cannelloni.

EDIT; Thank you for all the awards, I guess I pasta test!
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I spent my entire life savings on Pasta

It was worth every Penne.
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What is Forrest Gumpā€™s favorite pasta?

Penne
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My girlfriend left me because I have a fetish for touching pasta.

I'm feeling cannelloni now. šŸ˜”

(Thanks for the silver! X šŸ˜ŠšŸ˜Š)
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I've been learning to make pasta recently...

And I'm pretty good apart from a Fusilli mistakes
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Mushroom Pasta

Yesterday I found some delicious mushroom cream pasta in my fridge. That was quite a surprise because I donā€™t remember adding mushroom into the pasta 4 weeks ago.
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A broadway actor that cheated their way to an award - what's their favorite pasta?

Rigatoni
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Whatā€™s a kinky Italians favourite pasta?

Fetischini
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What do you call pasta that you share with everyone?

Communist manipesto
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What do you call a green pasta?

Lingreene
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Mafia have boiled a man to death in a industrial pasta cooker.

Police are still trying to al dentefy the victim.
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What do you call pasta that likes to be spanked?

>!Fetish-ccine!<
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Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?

He pasta way.
We cannoli do so much.
His legacy will be a pizza history.
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Why did the pasta maker go to the strip club?

Because he was feeling cannelloni
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I suspect my daughter might enjoy alphabet pasta...

but I don't want to put words in her mouth.
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I like my men how I like my pasta

Made with mom and dads love
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The President of France has published a recipe for a new dessert with coconut and pasta

Itā€™s Macronā€™s macaroon macaroni macaron.
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Pasta joke trilogy

My girlfriend refused to believe a spaghetti bike could work. You shouldā€™ve seen her face when I rode pasta.

Things took a turn for the worse when I was fired from my job at the pasta factory. Fusilli mistakes.

To top it all off, my girlfriend said she couldnā€™t stand me touching pasta ...
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What do you call pasta that lives in the hood?

Spaghetto
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Very good tea and pasta joke

What is your favorite type of tea?







Spaghett-tea


Thank you
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My sister bet me I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti...

You should have seen her face as I drove pasta
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A North American Elk walks into a pizzeria...

A North American Elk walks into a pizzeria and sits at an empty table while he waits for the waiter. The waiter hands him a menu and the Elk ponders for a bit. He's not really in the mood for pizza, so he narrows it down to pasta. The Elk is finally ready to order, so he calls for the waiter. The wa...
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You know what place has great pasta?

Hell.

I hear everything is Al Dante
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Having intercourse is like having pasta

Because it involves penne tration
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I was choking on some alphabet pasta when a lady asked if I needed help.

She took the words right out of my mouth.

[OC]
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A woman covered in pasta sauce takes a pregnancy test

Turns out she's Prego
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How long do you cook your pasta in Hell?

Until itā€™s Al Dante!


Iā€™m not proud of it. But I still like it.
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What do you call the formal study of pasta?

Linguinistics.

I'll show myself out.
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What type of pasta do crooked musical writers like?

Rigatoni
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What is the saddest pasta?

Tort-alone-i
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This joke may contain profanity. šŸ¤”

I accidentally put antipasto in the pasta jar.

Now there's a big fucking hole in the wall.

I dropped a piece of pasta off of a cliff,

It was a farfalle.
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What do you call jail for murderous pastas?

The state pennetentiary
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What do pasta and cars have in common?

I don't like either al dente
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I just got fired from the pasta factory :(

I made a fusili mistakes.
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What's a dog's favourite type of pasta?

Wagliataile
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Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?

He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. His legacy will become a pizza history. How sad that he ran out of thyme. Sending olive my prayers to the family. His wife is really upset. Cheese still not over it. You never sausage a tragic thing.
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My local soup kitchen is looking for volunteers for their next Pasta Dinner..

I'll check my colander and set aside some thyme for it.
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Where does the tomato and pasta go to dance?

At the Meat Ball
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This joke may contain profanity. šŸ¤”

Wedding night

Sophia had just gotten married, and being a traditional Italian girl living under the watchful eye of her mother, she remained a virgin up until she and her husband took their wedding vowsā€¦

On their wedding night, the newlyweds stayed at her mother's house, and Sophia was nervous. Her mother...

How do German pasta lovers say hello?

Gluten Tag
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I didn't understand what my wife meant when she told me I was holding the bag of pasta upside down...

Then the Penne dropped
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Thereā€™s 500 types of pasta

The pastabilities are endless.
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Which pasta is constantly locked out?

Gnocchi!
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What kind of pasta sauce does Trump LOVE!!!

Putin-esca

I made this up myself just now.
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What did the incel say when he wanted to order pasta?

Send noods.

(I'm sorry)
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Did you hear the pasta makers in Italy revolted?

It was a ravioli-tion
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Iā€™m 3ā€™6ā€, which makes certain daily tasks extremely difficult. Recently, I spent a good 10 minutes in my local supermarket wondering how to get the pasta down from the top shelf.

Then suddenly the penne dropped.
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My friend promised to hide the cell key in my final meal, a plate of pasta.

But when I looked, there was gnocchi.
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I tried to build a car out of spaghetti, my wife lost her temper and said it would never work and threatened to leave me, anyway, you should have seen her face when I drove pasta. After a while my obsession got the better of me and she walked out..

Now Iā€™m feeling cannelloni.
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I taught my son about gravity by throwing pasta and sauce at the ceiling

He didn't get it at first, but it wasn't long before the penne dropped.
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What do you call designer pasta?

J.C Penne
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Did you hear about the travelling pasta salesman?

His commission was penne's on the dollar
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Pasta is long and stringy. Rice is short and stubby.

Orzo you think
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This joke may contain profanity. šŸ¤”

I get really horny whenever I eat pasta

the doctor said I got a fetishini

What do you call it when Jesus throws his Pasta at the door?

Gnocchi on Heaven's Door
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Why are people buying out all the pasta/macaroni products?

Because when you are in lockdown.. A nice bowl can pasta time quicker
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How did the pasta chef get locked out of his house?

He came home from work with gnocchi.
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My flatmates said I wasted my money buying a kilo of pasta..

..but I say it was worth every penne.
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Due to the coronavirus, there has been a shortage of pasta in shops.

The government is urging the public not to panic buy based on the actions of a fusilli individuals.
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Have you guys tried my new Texan pasta dish?

It's y'all dente
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What did the pasta say to the cheese?

Grate to meet you!
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I'm writing an Italian opera about pasta. Hopefully it's successful.

Otherwise I might have to rigatoni.
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My girlfriend left me today because I have developed a pasta touching fetish.

I've been feeling Canneloni ever since. :'(
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COVID-19 is like Pasta

Asians invented it, Italians spread it.
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Did you hear about the pasta sauce that was really good at knocking down pins?

It was a bowlinā€™ ace.
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This joke may contain profanity. šŸ¤”

[NSFW] Anal virginity reminds me of leftover pasta

squishy and delicious, but soon forgotten

I had some uncooked pasta for dinner yesterday

It was an all-round solid meal
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What kind of pasta grants wishes?

Fettugenie
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COVID-19 jokes are like pasta:

They're inspired by the italians, come in many forms, and redditors don't know how to make them from scratch.
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Corona virus has caused our local supermarket to sell out of pasta

All because of a fusilli people
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Where did Abraham Lincoln prepare his pasta?

Spaghettysburg
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What do you call all the pasta that you havenā€™t eaten yet?

Futura
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I wrote a play about pasta and fairly won an award

Didn't even have to rig a Tony
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What do you call a pasta sauce made out of sea breezes?

A ā€˜marineā€™-ā€˜airā€™a
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A wife talking to her neighbor: Wife: my husband went to get some pasta and got hit with a bus. neighbor: oh God! What did you do?

Wife: I made some fried eggs and Called it a day.
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