What do you call something that looks like pasta, and tastes like pasta, but isn't pasta?

An impasta.

What do you call pasta with a cold?

Macaroni and sneeze

Was told to me by my 3 year old

What type of pasta is best eaten on its own?

Ravi-lonely.

Did you hear about the pasta and its cooking water?

Their relationship was strained.

Having intercourse is like having pasta

Because it involves penne tration

I wasted all of my life savings on pasta...

It was worth every Penne.

What is James Bond’s favorite pasta…?

Mini Penne

What do you call jail for murderous pastas?

The state pennetentiary

What do pasta and cars have in common?

I don't like either al dente

My wife just left me because I have a fetish for touching pasta.

I'm feeling cannelloni right now.

A woman covered in pasta sauce takes a pregnancy test

Turns out she's Prego

Mafia have boiled a man to death in a industrial pasta cooker.

Police are still trying to al dentefy the victim.

What is the saddest pasta?

Tort-alone-i

What do you give an abusive pasta chef who always serves wet noodles?

A re-straining order.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This pasta has AoT level writing, by the time you get to the last line everything you previously read will get whole new meaning. Enjoy

.

>!gf is prego!<

>!we like to get kinky anyways!<

>!one night things get particularly saucy!<

>!i'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird fucking chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights!<

>!wtf it's red everywhere and she's ob...

What did the incel say when he wanted to order pasta?

Send noods.

(I'm sorry)

What did Forrest Gump say when asked what his favorite type of pasta is?

I love you Penne

What do you call pasta that lives in the hood?

Spaghetto

Where does the tomato and pasta go to dance?

At the Meat Ball

I'm starting a new pasta cult

May we praise the Noodle Lord for eternity. Ramen.

A pasta chef was caught stuffing the ballot boxes at a big Broadway awards show.

Apparently, he was trying to rig a Tony.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend asked me to shove dried pasta up her butt

She was really into anal pennetration

What pasta is always getting locked out of its house?

Gnocchi!

I don't know whether there is a dumpling-shaped pasta made of potato flour, but I'll believe it when I see it.

You can say I'm agnocchic.

What's a dog's favourite type of pasta?

Wagliataile

Did you hear the pasta makers in Italy revolted?

It was a ravioli-tion

I've just been made redundant from my job in a pasta making factory!!!!

All I did was make a fusilli mistakes!

I told my wife I was making a bicycle out of spaghetti. She didn't believe me...

Until I rode pasta.

A shelf stacker was stacking pasta boxes. In a local supermarket.

When the shelf suddenly collapsed on him. His manager called the paramedics but by the time they came he had sadly pastaway.

My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with pasta.

Im feeling canneloni right now

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a kid I always insisted on having olive oil on my pasta instead of meat sauce.

Maybe that is why I am a virgin.

I’m 3’6”, which makes certain daily tasks extremely difficult. Recently, I spent a good 10 minutes in my local supermarket wondering how to get the pasta down from the top shelf.

Then suddenly the penne dropped.

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?

He pasta way.

How do German pasta lovers say hello?

Gluten Tag

Pasta joke trilogy

My girlfriend refused to believe a spaghetti bike could work. You should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta.

Things took a turn for the worse when I was fired from my job at the pasta factory. Fusilli mistakes.

To top it all off, my girlfriend said she couldn’t stand me touching pasta ...

A Macaroni, a Penne and a Spaghetti were drinking wine in a bar one evening. They saw a noodle sitting by himself and discussed inviting him to join them.

They all agreed he looked Cannelloni.

EDIT; Thank you for all the awards, I guess I pasta test!

Very good tea and pasta joke

What is your favorite type of tea?







Spaghett-tea


Thank you

I was choking on some alphabet pasta when a lady asked if I needed help.

She took the words right out of my mouth.

[OC]

There’s 500 types of pasta

The pastabilities are endless.

Went I got home yesterday I found my wife on the kitchen floor with her best girlfriend lying on top of her, both naked, with flat pasta and tomato sauce all over them.

"what is this?"I asked

"What does it look like?"

"It looks like a lez on ya!"

I didn't understand what my wife meant when she told me I was holding the bag of pasta upside down...

Then the Penne dropped

You hear about the chef who died

He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. His legacy will become a pizza history. How sad that he ran out of thyme. His wife is really upset cheese still not over it.

I tried to build a car out of spaghetti, my wife lost her temper and said it would never work and threatened to leave me, anyway, you should have seen her face when I drove pasta. After a while my obsession got the better of me and she walked out..

Now I’m feeling cannelloni.

I taught my son about gravity by throwing pasta and sauce at the ceiling

He didn't get it at first, but it wasn't long before the penne dropped.

Pasta is long and stringy. Rice is short and stubby.

Orzo you think

Did you hear about the travelling pasta salesman?

His commission was penne's on the dollar

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I get really horny whenever I eat pasta

the doctor said I got a fetishini

What do you call it when Jesus throws his Pasta at the door?

Gnocchi on Heaven's Door

I'm writing an Italian opera about pasta. Hopefully it's successful.

Otherwise I might have to rigatoni.

My friend promised to hide the cell key in my final meal, a plate of pasta.

But when I looked, there was gnocchi.

What do you call designer pasta?

J.C Penne

How did the pasta chef get locked out of his house?

He came home from work with gnocchi.

My wife once told me I can’t build a car out of pasta.

You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta

Why are people buying out all the pasta/macaroni products?

Because when you are in lockdown.. A nice bowl can pasta time quicker

Car made out of spaghetti

I told my neibourgh I had made a car out of spaghetti she said don't be rediculous, well she got a shock next day when I drove pasta

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you say "thank you for the pasta" in Japanese?

Arigatoni

What kind of pasta is served at Forrest Gumps restaurant?

Penn-ay!

Did you hear about the pasta sauce that was really good at knocking down pins?

It was a bowlin’ ace.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When i was a kid this was my favorite joke don't hate me pls i changed.

I want to first apologise for my english in case i over complicate the joke it's my 3rd language and i have to translate it from my native language ^^

Well so it starts in a restaurant. A tall lady with weird long grey hair shows up with her huge bag and asks for a place for 2, so the waiter ...

I had some uncooked pasta for dinner yesterday

It was an all-round solid meal

Due to the coronavirus, there has been a shortage of pasta in shops.

The government is urging the public not to panic buy based on the actions of a fusilli individuals.

Corona virus has caused our local supermarket to sell out of pasta

All because of a fusilli people

What do you call a fastidious Italian pasta maker?

Rigour Tony

Have you guys tried my new Texan pasta dish?

It's y'all dente

What did the pasta say to the cheese?

Grate to meet you!

What is Ravioli's favourite party game?

Pasta parcel

Tired of boiling water every time you make pasta?

Boil some at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Anal virginity reminds me of leftover pasta

squishy and delicious, but soon forgotten

If you die eating spaghetti...

you pasta way

What did the English priest say when he had a funeral for an Italian cook?

He pasta way.

What do you call all the pasta that you haven’t eaten yet?

Futura

I started eating more pasta, and suddenly became psychic...

... you could say I had *penne* for their thoughts.

What kind of pasta sauce does Trump LOVE!!!

Putin-esca

I made this up myself just now.

Once a pasta chef sat down to talk to his wife about something important

"Honey", the pasta chef said, "I know you said you wanted just two kids, but I really want three or more."

"Dear", his wife said, "are our two silly kids not enough for you?"

"Honey", the pasta chef said, "I just don't want to live having a couple silly kids. I really would like to hav...

What do you call the formal study of pasta?

Linguinistics.

I'll show myself out.

What kind of pasta grants wishes?

Fettugenie

Did you hear about the new Italian restaurant that just opened in the afterlife?

It's called Pasta Way.

Why don’t Italians use contractions?

Because they don’t make a pasta fee!

What do you call the aspect of pasta that allows it to stab you?

The penne trait

COVID-19 is like Pasta

Asians invented it, Italians spread it.

I wrote a play about pasta and fairly won an award

Didn't even have to rig a Tony

What's the difference between an unusual undercooked pasta, and the easing of tensions between a famous parody artist and the singers he parodies?

One is a weird al dente, and the other is a "Weird Al" detente.

How do ABBA like their pasta?

Al-dente, al-dente...

(Oh please don’t let me down)

My mum was upset when I put ginger in the pasta last night

I guess she liked that cat

What do you call a pasta sauce made out of sea breezes?

A ‘marine’-‘air’a

[So proud, my 8yo made this up at Golden Corral last night....] What kind of pasta do you make yourself?

Make-your-owni

A wife talking to her neighbor: Wife: my husband went to get some pasta and got hit with a bus. neighbor: oh God! What did you do?

Wife: I made some fried eggs and Called it a day.

Where do black pastas live?

In the spaghetto

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