What do you call something that looks like pasta, and tastes like pasta, but isn't pasta?

An impasta.

What do you call pasta with a cold?

Macaroni and sneeze

Was told to me by my 3 year old

What type of pasta is best eaten on its own?

Ravi-lonely.

Did you hear about the pasta and its cooking water?

Their relationship was strained.

My girlfriend left me because of what she described as my "weird pasta fetish"

Now I'm feeling cannalonli

I spent my entire life savings on Pasta

It was worth every Penne.

What do you give an abusive pasta chef who always serves wet noodles?

A re-straining order.

What kind of pasta do they eat in Antarctica?

Penguine

I like my men how I like my pasta

Made with mom and dads love

What do you call pasta that has shrunk in the washing machine?

Micro-ni

You know what place has great pasta?

Hell.

I hear everything is Al Dante

What is Forrest Gump's favourite pasta?

What is Forrest Gump's favourite pasta?

Penne

What do you call pasta that lives in the hood?

Spaghetto

I dropped a piece of pasta off of a cliff,

It was a farfalle.

I told my mom I wanted to have a potato pasta for dinner. Her response?

Gnocchi dokey.

What sort of pasta do you use if you want to fix a musical theatre award?

Rigatoni

What is James Bond’s favorite pasta…?

Mini Penne

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Italians have always copied good inventions from other cultures and made them exceptional

Beretta took Walthers's designs and made them sexy

They discovered noodles from china, removed the dog, and created pasta

They stole the idea of arches from the Etruscans and built colosseums and aqueducts

They took the gladius from celt-iberians and conquered the world with it<...

What do you call jail for murderous pastas?

The state pennetentiary

Where does the tomato and pasta go to dance?

At the Meat Ball

Having intercourse is like having pasta

Because it involves penne tration

A woman covered in pasta sauce takes a pregnancy test

Turns out she's Prego

What do pasta and cars have in common?

I don't like either al dente

Mafia have boiled a man to death in a industrial pasta cooker.

Police are still trying to al dentefy the victim.

What pasta is always getting locked out of its house?

Gnocchi!

What is the saddest pasta?

Tort-alone-i

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This pasta has AoT level writing, by the time you get to the last line everything you previously read will get whole new meaning. Enjoy

.

>!gf is prego!<

>!we like to get kinky anyways!<

>!one night things get particularly saucy!<

>!i'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird fucking chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights!<

>!wtf it's red everywhere and she's ob...

My girlfriend said I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti

You should've seen her face when I drove pasta.

My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with pasta.

Im feeling canneloni right now

What did Forrest Gump say when asked what his favorite type of pasta is?

I love you Penne

What did the incel say when he wanted to order pasta?

Send noods.

(I'm sorry)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a sex worker in Italy?

A PastaTute

I don't know whether there is a dumpling-shaped pasta made of potato flour, but I'll believe it when I see it.

You can say I'm agnocchic.

Pasta joke trilogy

My girlfriend refused to believe a spaghetti bike could work. You should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta.

Things took a turn for the worse when I was fired from my job at the pasta factory. Fusilli mistakes.

To top it all off, my girlfriend said she couldn’t stand me touching pasta ...

Very good tea and pasta joke

What is your favorite type of tea?







Spaghett-tea


Thank you

What's a dog's favourite type of pasta?

Wagliataile

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a kid I always insisted on having olive oil on my pasta instead of meat sauce.

Maybe that is why I am a virgin.

Have you heard about the italian chef who died?

He pasta way.

I told my wife I was making a bicycle out of spaghetti. She didn't believe me...

Until I rode pasta.

There’s 500 types of pasta

The pastabilities are endless.

Went I got home yesterday I found my wife on the kitchen floor with her best girlfriend lying on top of her, both naked, with flat pasta and tomato sauce all over them.

"what is this?"I asked

"What does it look like?"

"It looks like a lez on ya!"

I’m 3’6”, which makes certain daily tasks extremely difficult. Recently, I spent a good 10 minutes in my local supermarket wondering how to get the pasta down from the top shelf.

Then suddenly the penne dropped.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman goes to a grocery store to grab a few things.

She brings her basket to the checkout counter and begins to offload it. She has a half gallon of milk, some apples, a frozen pizza, a pint of ice cream, a loaf of bread, a box of pasta, some canned tomatoes, and some aluminum foil.

The clerk, looking over the assortment of items as he rings h...

How do German pasta lovers say hello?

Gluten Tag

A Macaroni, a Penne and a Spaghetti were drinking wine in a bar one evening. They saw a noodle sitting by himself and discussed inviting him to join them.

They all agreed he looked Cannelloni.

EDIT; Thank you for all the awards, I guess I pasta test!

I was choking on some alphabet pasta when a lady asked if I needed help.

She took the words right out of my mouth.

[OC]

What do you call designer pasta?

J.C Penne

Pasta is long and stringy. Rice is short and stubby.

Orzo you think

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I get really horny whenever I eat pasta

the doctor said I got a fetishini

What do you call it when Jesus throws his Pasta at the door?

Gnocchi on Heaven's Door

How did the pasta chef get locked out of his house?

He came home from work with gnocchi.

Did you hear what happened to the Italian chef? He pasta way.

Looks like he ran out of thyme

A mummified macaroni pizza was uncovered in Italy today.

The man who uncovered it says "It's a pizza of our pasta."

I just got fired from the pasta factory :(

I made a fusili mistakes.

I didn't understand what my wife meant when she told me I was holding the bag of pasta upside down...

Then the Penne dropped

My friend promised to hide the cell key in my final meal, a plate of pasta.

But when I looked, there was gnocchi.

I tried to build a car out of spaghetti, my wife lost her temper and said it would never work and threatened to leave me, anyway, you should have seen her face when I drove pasta. After a while my obsession got the better of me and she walked out..

Now I’m feeling cannelloni.

I taught my son about gravity by throwing pasta and sauce at the ceiling

He didn't get it at first, but it wasn't long before the penne dropped.

Did you hear about the travelling pasta salesman?

His commission was penne's on the dollar

What kind of pasta is served at Forrest Gumps restaurant?

Penn-ay!

Did you hear about the pasta sauce that was really good at knocking down pins?

It was a bowlin’ ace.

I'm writing an Italian opera about pasta. Hopefully it's successful.

Otherwise I might have to rigatoni.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Woman meets the Italian

One day, a woman has a date with a French guy at his hotel room, floor 10. The french guy makes the balcony in a romantic mood, wine, food so the woman can enjoy the time with him.

After some time, woman asks the french guy:

Woman: If I would be your girlfriend, how would you treat me?...

Italian couple get married and having dinner at lady's Mum's house

(best told in Italian accent, sorry if I brutalise Italian accent).
Maria is daughter of elderly, quite traditional Italian mother. Franko is her new hubby, war veteran, early discharge after accidentally stepping on a landmine.
Daughter, son in law and Mum hanging out in kitchen, Mum turns to...

Have you guys tried my new Texan pasta dish?

It's y'all dente

What kind of pasta sauce does Trump LOVE!!!

Putin-esca

I made this up myself just now.

Tired of boiling water every time you make pasta?

Boil some at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later.

What do you call the formal study of pasta?

Linguinistics.

I'll show myself out.

What do you say when an Italian bodybuilder dies?

He pasta whey

COVID-19 jokes are like pasta:

They're inspired by the italians, come in many forms, and redditors don't know how to make them from scratch.

Did you hear about the Italian man who died? He pasta way...

...now he's a pizza history.

I had some uncooked pasta for dinner yesterday

It was an all-round solid meal

Corona virus has caused our local supermarket to sell out of pasta

All because of a fusilli people

What kind of pasta grants wishes?

Fettugenie

What do you call a fastidious Italian pasta maker?

Rigour Tony

What do you call all the pasta that you haven’t eaten yet?

Futura

I started eating more pasta, and suddenly became psychic...

... you could say I had *penne* for their thoughts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Anal virginity reminds me of leftover pasta

squishy and delicious, but soon forgotten

I wrote a play about pasta and fairly won an award

Didn't even have to rig a Tony

You hear about the chef who died

He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. His legacy will become a pizza history. How sad that he ran out of thyme. His wife is really upset cheese still not over it.

COVID-19 is like Pasta

Asians invented it, Italians spread it.

My mum was upset when I put ginger in the pasta last night

I guess she liked that cat

What do you call a pasta sauce made out of sea breezes?

A ‘marine’-‘air’a

Car made out of spaghetti

I told my neibourgh I had made a car out of spaghetti she said don't be rediculous, well she got a shock next day when I drove pasta

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When i was a kid this was my favorite joke don't hate me pls i changed.

I want to first apologise for my english in case i over complicate the joke it's my 3rd language and i have to translate it from my native language ^^

Well so it starts in a restaurant. A tall lady with weird long grey hair shows up with her huge bag and asks for a place for 2, so the waiter ...

A wife talking to her neighbor: Wife: my husband went to get some pasta and got hit with a bus. neighbor: oh God! What did you do?

Wife: I made some fried eggs and Called it a day.

Where do black pastas live?

In the spaghetto

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