What do you call something that looks like pasta, and tastes like pasta, but isn't pasta?

An impasta.

What do you call pasta with a cold?

Macaroni and sneeze

Was told to me by my 3 year old

What type of pasta is best eaten on its own?

Ravi-lonely.

Did you hear about the pasta and its cooking water?

Their relationship was strained.

Having intercourse is like having pasta

Because it involves penne tration

I spent my entire life savings on Pasta

It was worth every Penne.

What do you call jail for murderous pastas?

The state pennetentiary

What do pasta and cars have in common?

I don't like either al dente

What is the saddest pasta?

Tort-alone-i

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend asked me to shove dried pasta up her butt

She was really into anal pennetration

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Coronavirus is just like pasta...

Chinese invented it,

Italians perfected it, spread it throughout the world,

Americans fucked it all up.

What do you give an abusive pasta chef who always serves wet noodles?

A re-straining order.

What did the incel say when he wanted to order pasta?

Send noods.

(I'm sorry)

What pasta is always getting locked out of its house?

Gnocchi!

What did Forrest Gump say when asked what his favorite type of pasta is?

I love you Penne

Where does the tomato and pasta go to dance?

At the Meat Ball

What do you call pasta that lives in the hood?

Spaghetto

My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with pasta.

Im feeling canneloni right now

I've just been made redundant from my job in a pasta making factory!!!!

All I did was make a fusilli mistakes!

I told my wife I was making a bicycle out of spaghetti. She didn't believe me...

Until I rode pasta.

A woman covered in pasta sauce takes a pregnancy test

Turns out she's Prego

I'm starting a new pasta cult

May we praise the Noodle Lord for eternity. Ramen.

A pasta chef was caught stuffing the ballot boxes at a big Broadway awards show.

Apparently, he was trying to rig a Tony.

My wife just left me because I have a fetish for touching pasta.

I'm feeling cannelloni right now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This pasta has AoT level writing, by the time you get to the last line everything you previously read will get whole new meaning. Enjoy

.

>!gf is prego!<

>!we like to get kinky anyways!<

>!one night things get particularly saucy!<

>!i'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird fucking chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights!<

>!wtf it's red everywhere and she's ob...

What's a dog's favourite type of pasta?

Wagliataile

I don't know whether there is a dumpling-shaped pasta made of potato flour, but I'll believe it when I see it.

You can say I'm agnocchic.

A Macaroni, a Penne and a Spaghetti were drinking wine in a bar one evening. They saw a noodle sitting by himself and discussed inviting him to join them.

They all agreed he looked Cannelloni.

EDIT; Thank you for all the awards, I guess I pasta test!

A shelf stacker was stacking pasta boxes. In a local supermarket.

When the shelf suddenly collapsed on him. His manager called the paramedics but by the time they came he had sadly pastaway.

I’m 3’6”, which makes certain daily tasks extremely difficult. Recently, I spent a good 10 minutes in my local supermarket wondering how to get the pasta down from the top shelf.

Then suddenly the penne dropped.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a kid I always insisted on having olive oil on my pasta instead of meat sauce.

Maybe that is why I am a virgin.

Went I got home yesterday I found my wife on the kitchen floor with her best girlfriend lying on top of her, both naked, with flat pasta and tomato sauce all over them.

"what is this?"I asked

"What does it look like?"

"It looks like a lez on ya!"

My sister bet me a hundred dollars I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti.

You should've seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.

How do German pasta lovers say hello?

Gluten Tag

You hear about the chef who died

He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. His legacy will become a pizza history. How sad that he ran out of thyme. His wife is really upset cheese still not over it.

Car made out of spaghetti

I told my neibourgh I had made a car out of spaghetti she said don't be rediculous, well she got a shock next day when I drove pasta

Very good tea and pasta joke

What is your favorite type of tea?







Spaghett-tea


Thank you

I tried to build a car out of spaghetti, my wife lost her temper and said it would never work and threatened to leave me, anyway, you should have seen her face when I drove pasta. After a while my obsession got the better of me and she walked out..

Now I’m feeling cannelloni.

Pasta joke trilogy

My girlfriend refused to believe a spaghetti bike could work. You should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta.

Things took a turn for the worse when I was fired from my job at the pasta factory. Fusilli mistakes.

To top it all off, my girlfriend said she couldn’t stand me touching pasta ...

What did the tomato say to the wheat?

You go pasta, I'll ketch-up.

I'm writing an Italian opera about pasta. Hopefully it's successful.

Otherwise I might have to rigatoni.

I didn't understand what my wife meant when she told me I was holding the bag of pasta upside down...

Then the Penne dropped

I taught my son about gravity by throwing pasta and sauce at the ceiling

He didn't get it at first, but it wasn't long before the penne dropped.

There’s 500 types of pasta

The pastabilities are endless.

What do you call designer pasta?

J.C Penne

Pasta is long and stringy. Rice is short and stubby.

Orzo you think

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I get really horny whenever I eat pasta

the doctor said I got a fetishini

Did you hear about the travelling pasta salesman?

His commission was penne's on the dollar

What do you call it when Jesus throws his Pasta at the door?

Gnocchi on Heaven's Door

What did the English priest say when he had a funeral for an Italian cook?

He pasta way.

My friend promised to hide the cell key in my final meal, a plate of pasta.

But when I looked, there was gnocchi.

I was choking on some alphabet pasta when a lady asked if I needed help.

She took the words right out of my mouth.

[OC]

How did the pasta chef get locked out of his house?

He came home from work with gnocchi.

If you die eating spaghetti...

you pasta way

Did you hear what happened to the Italian chef? He pasta way.

Looks like he ran out of thyme

I had some uncooked pasta for dinner yesterday

It was an all-round solid meal

Why are people buying out all the pasta/macaroni products?

Because when you are in lockdown.. A nice bowl can pasta time quicker

What is Ravioli's favourite party game?

Pasta parcel

Due to the coronavirus, there has been a shortage of pasta in shops.

The government is urging the public not to panic buy based on the actions of a fusilli individuals.

Have you guys tried my new Texan pasta dish?

It's y'all dente

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you say "thank you for the pasta" in Japanese?

Arigatoni

Did you hear about the pasta sauce that was really good at knocking down pins?

It was a bowlin’ ace.

Why don’t Italians use contractions?

Because they don’t make a pasta fee!

Corona virus has caused our local supermarket to sell out of pasta

All because of a fusilli people

Did you guys hear about the italian cook ?

He pasta-way

Mafia have boiled a man to death in an industrial pasta cooker.

Police are still trying to al dentefy the victim.

In Italy, it's traditiom to accept apologies after a dinner.

That happens because it's all in the pasta.

Tired of boiling water every time you make pasta?

Boil some at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later.

What kind of pasta is served at Forrest Gumps restaurant?

Penn-ay!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Anal virginity reminds me of leftover pasta

squishy and delicious, but soon forgotten

Did you hear about the new Italian restaurant that just opened in the afterlife?

It's called Pasta Way.

What do you call all the pasta that you haven’t eaten yet?

Futura

I started eating more pasta, and suddenly became psychic...

... you could say I had *penne* for their thoughts.

What kind of pasta sauce does Trump LOVE!!!

Putin-esca

I made this up myself just now.

Once a pasta chef sat down to talk to his wife about something important

"Honey", the pasta chef said, "I know you said you wanted just two kids, but I really want three or more."

"Dear", his wife said, "are our two silly kids not enough for you?"

"Honey", the pasta chef said, "I just don't want to live having a couple silly kids. I really would like to hav...

What kind of pasta grants wishes?

Fettugenie

I wrote a play about pasta and fairly won an award

Didn't even have to rig a Tony

Waiter-what do you want sir?

Me-(licking lips) pasta will be good.
Waiter-stop licking my lips sir

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man sat down to dinner with his three sons.

He looks at Billy and says, “Billy, you fat bastard. Why are you so fat?”

Billy says, “It mommas pasta.”
His fathers says, “You’ve gotta take smaller bites.”

He looks at his son Bobby and says, “Bobby, you fat bastard. Why are you so fat?”

Bobby says, “It mommas pasta.”
H...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to make macaroni and cheese

Boil a pot of water, put pasta in water and wait until soft.

Drain water from pasta.

Go into trash can to retrieve box because you forgot how much butter to add

add butter and mix

go back into trash to retrieve box because you forgot how much milk to add

add milk a...

COVID-19 is like Pasta

Asians invented it, Italians spread it.

What do you call the formal study of pasta?

Linguinistics.

I'll show myself out.

My partner laughed at me when I told her I was going to make a bike out of Macaroni

You should've seen her face when I cycled pasta.

What's the difference between an unusual undercooked pasta, and the easing of tensions between a famous parody artist and the singers he parodies?

One is a weird al dente, and the other is a "Weird Al" detente.

What do you call a hooker that asks for payment in Italian food?

A pasta-tute.

I lost my Italian friend...

He pasta away

My mum was upset when I put ginger in the pasta last night

I guess she liked that cat

A wife talking to her neighbor: Wife: my husband went to get some pasta and got hit with a bus. neighbor: oh God! What did you do?

Wife: I made some fried eggs and Called it a day.

What do you call a pasta sauce made out of sea breezes?

A ‘marine’-‘air’a

Where do black pastas live?

In the spaghetto

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