My girlfriend left me because I have a fetish for touching pasta.

I'm feeling cannelloni now. 😔

(Thanks for the silver! X 😊😊)

A pasta chef was caught stuffing the ballot boxes at a big Broadway awards show.

Apparently, he was trying to rig a Tony.

I started eating more pasta, and suddenly became psychic...

... you could say I had *penne* for their thoughts.

What type of pasta is best eaten on its own?

Ravi-lonely.

My wife told me I was a fool to build a car out of spaghetti.

>**You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.**

What do you call pasta with a cold?

Macaroni and sneeze

Was told to me by my 3 year old

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you say "thank you for the pasta" in Japanese?

Arigatoni

What is a cannibal’s favorite type of pasta?

Ramen.

There’s 500 types of pasta

The pastabilities are endless.

What do you call all the pasta that you haven’t eaten yet?

Futura

What do you call something that looks like pasta, and tastes like pasta, but isn't pasta?

An impasta.

What kind of pasta grants wishes?

Fettugenie

Why couldn’t the pasta maker get into his apartment?

Because he had gnocchi.

Once a pasta chef sat down to talk to his wife about something important

"Honey", the pasta chef said, "I know you said you wanted just two kids, but I really want three or more."

"Dear", his wife said, "are our two silly kids not enough for you?"

"Honey", the pasta chef said, "I just don't want to live having a couple silly kids. I really would like to hav...

I just got fired from the pasta factory :(

I made a fusili mistakes.

What's the difference between an unusual undercooked pasta, and the easing of tensions between a famous parody artist and the singers he parodies?

One is a weird al dente, and the other is a "Weird Al" detente.

Tired of boiling water every time you make pasta?

Boil some at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later.

Mafia have boiled a man to death in an industrial pasta cooker.

Police are still trying to al dentefy the victim.

What's James Bond's favorite kind of pasta?

(in a Scottish accent)
Mini Penne

What do you call the aspect of pasta that allows it to stab you?

The penne trait

What did Forrest Gump say to his bowl of pasta?

I love you, penne!

In an Italian restaurant, if you saved any amount of pipe shaped pasta, you could take it home.

Each penne saved was a penne earned.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) My doctor told me, “You’re like pasta!”

“When things get hot, you go soft!” He then wrote me a prescription for Viagra.

What's Mussolini' favourite pasta

Fussilini

What do you call a magical pasta that grants you three wishes?

Fettu-genie alfredo :D

What do you call a pasta sauce made out of sea breezes?

A ‘marine’-‘air’a

Did you hear about the Italian man who died? He pasta way...

...now he's a pizza history.

Politics is like Italian food.

You get the same pasta, but with a different sauce.

You can call me cheese on pasta

Because I'm grate

I was choking on some alphabet pasta when a lady asked if I needed help.

She took the words right out of my mouth.

[OC]

Did you hear about the Italian who choked to death on pasta?

His family was terribly sad that he pasta-way

What do you call the formal study of pasta?

Linguinistics.

I'll show myself out.

What do you call hellish pasta?

Al Dente's inferno

What kind of pasta sauce does Trump LOVE!!!

Putin-esca

I made this up myself just now.

I ordered a pasta strainer on Amazon.

But it never came.

So I had to keep calling Amazon over and over and continually pester them until, finally, they gave me a re-straining order.

I came second in a pasta making competition

I would have won if it wasn't for a Fusilli mistakes!

The Italian dish which is controversial in r/jokes

Copy Pasta

What kind of pasta should you NEVER put on your face?

Ziti!

(This might be a repost, but my mom just thought of it and I thought it was hilarious 😘)

[So proud, my 8yo made this up at Golden Corral last night....] What kind of pasta do you make yourself?

Make-your-owni

Why was the pasta noodle kicked off of the subway?

They realized he was stroganoff

What is a jawa's favorite style of pasta?

Rotini

Sorry, was picking out pasta for tuna casserole and it made me laugh.

A wife cooked her husband a pasta dish and posted the pic on fb

Later at the dining table...

Husband: “Sweetheart, I think it needs a bit more salt."

Wife : “What the hell! This pasta got 453 Likes and also 138 people commented 'Yummy'. But there's no pleasing you is there?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a hooker and farting after eating spaghetti?

One gets paid to have sex and the other's a pasta toot.

What does pasta say when it's done praying?

Ramen

A North American Elk walks into a pizzeria...

A North American Elk walks into a pizzeria and sits at an empty table while he waits for the waiter. The waiter hands him a menu and the Elk ponders for a bit. He's not really in the mood for pizza, so he narrows it down to pasta. The Elk is finally ready to order, so he calls for the waiter. The wa...

I saw a climate scientist eating pasta out of a pink leather bowl

He was eating carb on dyed ox hide

My brother said his pasta tasted weak and brittle.

It seems to have a bad case of sauceteoporosis.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the half-Japanese half-Italian man say when he was handed a bowl of pasta?

Arigatoni.

My girlfriend left me today because I have developed a pasta touching fetish.

I've been feeling Canneloni ever since. :'(

Pasta Diet

1.. You walk pasta bakery.

2.. You walk pasta candy store.

3.. You walk pasta Ice Cream shop.

4.. You walk pasta fridge.

I bought a spray used for destroying a particular pasta sauce.

It's a pestocide.

My flatmates said I wasted my money buying a kilo of pasta..

..but I say it was worth every penne.

Traveling through Italy I spent hundreds of Euros on pasta. (Pun)

It was worth every Penne.

Did you hear about the man with a car made of pasta?.

He got in a crash, and now his car's al dente.

My pet turtle just died. He was tilted due to missing both his right legs, and he loved ring shaped pasta.

I'm really gonna miss turtellini.

Women are like pasta

They are straight until you get them wet.
- Ellen Degeneres

Today is National Pasta Day

I have a friend that would have loved today, but sadly she's pastaway

I let a pasta chef borrow my car

He returned it all denty.

What does expensive pasta cost?

A pretty penne

My only fetish is for pasta

I guess you could call it fetichinni...

What did Nixon say when his pasta got criticized?

I am not a cook.

What do you call pasta in a poor neighborhood?

Spaghetto

Why does pasta always have to pay so much for car insurance?

Because it can't drive a car without making it all denty.

I just ate some pasta...

...and it was worth every Penne.

^(My god, that must be the worst joke I've ever written.)

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