What type of pasta is best eaten on its own?

Ravi-lonely.

A pasta chef was caught stuffing the ballot boxes at a big Broadway awards show.

Apparently, he was trying to rig a Tony.

What do you call something that looks like pasta, and tastes like pasta, but isn't pasta?

An impasta.

What do you call pasta with a cold?

Macaroni and sneeze

Was told to me by my 3 year old

Why couldn’t the pasta maker get into his house?

Because he had Gnocchi.

What do you call pasta from the hood?

Spaghetto

My girlfriend left me because I have a fetish for touching pasta.

I'm feeling cannelloni now. 😔

(Thanks for the silver! X 😊😊)

What do Italians say about pasta?

Every penne counts!

Have you guys tried my new Texan pasta dish?

It's y'all dente

I just got fired from the pasta factory :(

I made a fusili mistakes.

What did the chef say when he invested all his money into his pasta restaurant?

It was worth every penne.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you say "thank you for the pasta" in Japanese?

Arigatoni

I wrote a play about pasta and fairly won an award

Didn't even have to rig a Tony

My sister bet me $15 I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti.

You should've seen her face when I drove pasta.

Once a pasta chef sat down to talk to his wife about something important

"Honey", the pasta chef said, "I know you said you wanted just two kids, but I really want three or more."

"Dear", his wife said, "are our two silly kids not enough for you?"

"Honey", the pasta chef said, "I just don't want to live having a couple silly kids. I really would like to hav...

Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?

He pasta way.

We cannoli do so much.

His legacy will become a pizza history.

What kind of pasta grants wishes?

Fettugenie

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?

He pasta way. He just ran out of thyme. Here today, gone tomato. His wife is still upset, cheese still not over it. We never sausage a tragedy coming. Ashes to ashes, crust to crust. There’s just not mushroom for Italian chefs in today’s world.

I started eating more pasta, and suddenly became psychic...

... you could say I had *penne* for their thoughts.

What did Forrest Gump say to his bowl of pasta?

I love you, penne!

A North American Elk walks into a pizzeria...

A North American Elk walks into a pizzeria and sits at an empty table while he waits for the waiter. The waiter hands him a menu and the Elk ponders for a bit. He's not really in the mood for pizza, so he narrows it down to pasta. The Elk is finally ready to order, so he calls for the waiter. The wa...

What is a cannibal’s favorite type of pasta?

Ramen.

Mafia have boiled a man to death in an industrial pasta cooker.

Police are still trying to al dentefy the victim.

What do you call all the pasta that you haven’t eaten yet?

Futura

I was choking on some alphabet pasta when a lady asked if I needed help.

She took the words right out of my mouth.

[OC]

In an Italian restaurant, if you saved any amount of pipe shaped pasta, you could take it home.

Each penne saved was a penne earned.

Guy says to his wife mind if i stick it in your ear love?

She says: That wont make me deaf,,will it?

He answers: Hon I have been shoving it in your mouth for 10 years. That didn't shut you up any.

EDIT - Sorry, bad copy pasta, but the joke is still there.

Tired of boiling water every time you make pasta?

Boil some at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later.

I have a medical condition where I’m allergic to only one type of pasta

It’s called macaroni and sneeze

A mummified macaroni pizza was uncovered in Italy today.

The man who uncovered it says "It's a pizza of our pasta."

What's the difference between an unusual undercooked pasta, and the easing of tensions between a famous parody artist and the singers he parodies?

One is a weird al dente, and the other is a "Weird Al" detente.

What do you call the aspect of pasta that allows it to stab you?

The penne trait

What's Mussolini' favourite pasta

Fussilini

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three construction workers on a roof...

Three construction workers eat lunch together every day at the top of the building they work together on; one was Scottish, one was Chinese, one was Italian.

One day the Italian worker opened his lunch sighed, and said, “Ugh pasta. I am so sick of pasta. If I get pasta in my lunch one more t...

What kind of pasta sauce does Trump LOVE!!!

Putin-esca

I made this up myself just now.

Did you hear about the Italian who choked to death on pasta?

His family was terribly sad that he pasta-way

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) My doctor told me, “You’re like pasta!”

“When things get hot, you go soft!” He then wrote me a prescription for Viagra.

What's James Bond's favorite kind of pasta?

(in a Scottish accent)
Mini Penne

What do you call hellish pasta?

Al Dente's inferno

You can call me cheese on pasta

Because I'm grate

What do you call a pasta sauce made out of sea breezes?

A ‘marine’-‘air’a

What do you call the formal study of pasta?

Linguinistics.

I'll show myself out.

I ordered a pasta strainer on Amazon.

But it never came.

So I had to keep calling Amazon over and over and continually pester them until, finally, they gave me a re-straining order.

What does pasta say when it's done praying?

Ramen

What do you call someone who sells herself in exchange for a plate of spaghetti?

A pasta-tute

My mum was making some spegetti, when I told her I could make a car out of that.

She never believed me until I drove pasta

[So proud, my 8yo made this up at Golden Corral last night....] What kind of pasta do you make yourself?

Make-your-owni

Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?

He pasta way. Although we cannoli do so much, he will forever be a pizza history. His wife? Cheese still not over it. Just goes to show here today, gone tomato. Lets send olive our prayers to the family.

I came second in a pasta making competition

I would have won if it wasn't for a Fusilli mistakes!

What do you call a magical pasta that grants you three wishes?

Fettu-genie alfredo :D

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My buddy went to the bull fights

My buddy returned from Spain a few days ago and was telling me about his trip. He said he went to the bull fights and later found the best Italian food he had ever had right outside the stadium. The pasta was fresh, the sauce was amazing, and the meatballs were the most tender and well seasoned he h...

What kind of pasta should you NEVER put on your face?

Ziti!

(This might be a repost, but my mom just thought of it and I thought it was hilarious 😘)

How did Arnold Schwarzenegger ask his girlfriend what she wanted for dinner?

Pasta or pizza, baby?

What is a jawa's favorite style of pasta?

Rotini

Sorry, was picking out pasta for tuna casserole and it made me laugh.

Did you hear about the man who ate too much spaghetti?

He pasta-way

A wife cooked her husband a pasta dish and posted the pic on fb

Later at the dining table...

Husband: “Sweetheart, I think it needs a bit more salt."

Wife : “What the hell! This pasta got 453 Likes and also 138 people commented 'Yummy'. But there's no pleasing you is there?"

Why was the pasta noodle kicked off of the subway?

They realized he was stroganoff

What goes in hard and comes out soft and wet?

PASTA, you pervert!

What do you call a fake noodle?

An ImPASTA !!!



\--------------------------------------------------------------

Bet you tell at least one person, that joke :P

My girlfriend left me today because I have developed a pasta touching fetish.

I've been feeling Canneloni ever since. :'(

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother’s house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. “Don’t worry, Maria. Tony’s a good man. Go upstairs and he’ll take care of you.”

So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, “Mama, Mama, Tony’s got a big hairy chest.”

“Don’t worry, Maria,” says the mother,” all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He’ll take good care of you...

My brother said his pasta tasted weak and brittle.

It seems to have a bad case of sauceteoporosis.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the half-Japanese half-Italian man say when he was handed a bowl of pasta?

Arigatoni.

Where does a good Christian spaghetti go when he needs guidance?

To his local pasta

My pet turtle just died. He was tilted due to missing both his right legs, and he loved ring shaped pasta.

I'm really gonna miss turtellini.

Women are like pasta

They are straight until you get them wet.
- Ellen Degeneres

Pasta Diet

1.. You walk pasta bakery.

2.. You walk pasta candy store.

3.. You walk pasta Ice Cream shop.

4.. You walk pasta fridge.

My wife though I was stupid for saying that I could drive a car made from macaroni...

You should've seen her face when I drove pasta.

Did you hear about the man with a car made of pasta?.

He got in a crash, and now his car's al dente.

I bought a spray used for destroying a particular pasta sauce.

It's a pestocide.

Today is National Pasta Day

I have a friend that would have loved today, but sadly she's pastaway

What does expensive pasta cost?

A pretty penne

I let a pasta chef borrow my car

He returned it all denty.

My only fetish is for pasta

I guess you could call it fetichinni...

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