What do you call something that looks like pasta, and tastes like pasta, but isn't pasta?

An impasta.

COVID-19 is like Pasta

Asians invented it, Italians spread it.

Did you hear about the pasta and its cooking water?

Their relationship was strained.

What type of pasta is best eaten on its own?

Ravi-lonely.

A pasta chef was caught stuffing the ballot boxes at a big Broadway awards show.

Apparently, he was trying to rig a Tony.

My wife once told me I can’t build a car out of pasta.

You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta

What's Forrest Gump favourite type of pasta

Penne

What did the pasta that grew up in the streets tell his kids?

I grew up in the spaghetto.

What do you call pasta with a cold?

Macaroni and sneeze

Was told to me by my 3 year old

There’s 500 types of pasta

The pastabilities are endless.

What kind of pasta doesn't belong

An impasta

A pasta chef was locked out of his restaurant

He had gnocchi.

I taught my son about gravity by throwing pasta and sauce at the ceiling

He didn't get it at first, but it wasn't long before the penne dropped.

I tried to build a car out of spaghetti, my wife lost her temper and said it would never work and threatened to leave me, anyway, you should have seen her face when I drove pasta. After a while my obsession got the better of me and she walked out..

Now I’m feeling cannelloni.

Why are people buying out all the pasta/macaroni products?

Because when you are in lockdown.. A nice bowl can pasta time quicker

What kind of pasta is served at Forrest Gumps restaurant?

Penn-ay!

Where do black pastas live?

In the spaghetto

Very good tea and pasta joke

What is your favorite type of tea?







Spaghett-tea


Thank you

My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with pasta.

I'm feeling canneloni right now

Due to the coronavirus, there has been a shortage of pasta in shops.

The government is urging the public not to panic buy based on the actions of a fusilli individuals.

COVID-19 jokes are like pasta:

They're inspired by the italians, come in many forms, and redditors don't know how to make them from scratch.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Anal virginity reminds me of leftover pasta

squishy and delicious, but soon forgotten

Corona virus has caused our local supermarket to sell out of pasta

All because of a fusilli people

What do you call a fastidious Italian pasta maker?

Rigour Tony

What did the pasta say to the cheese?

Grate to meet you!

Why couldnt the pasta dish get through the door?

Because it had gnocchi

What do Italians say about pasta?

Every penne counts!

My sister bet me a thousand dollars that I could not build a car out of noodles.

You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta!

My daughter called to tell me she saw a man driving a fast car made of macaroni and cheese.

She was doing 80 in a Honda and he was driving pasta.
E: my first (I think) original dad joke. Don’t slaughter me

Where did Abraham Lincoln prepare his pasta?

Spaghettysburg

I just got fired from the pasta factory :(

I made a fusili mistakes.

Three men stop for lunch

Three men stop for lunch on a construction site while working on the 10th floor. The first one, Chang from China says "I am so bored with what I have been having for lunch. If I have noodles again for lunch, I am going to jump off the building" And he opens his lunch to find noodles, and promptly ju...

Have you guys tried my new Texan pasta dish?

It's y'all dente

What did the chef say when he invested all his money into his pasta restaurant?

It was worth every penne.

I wrote a play about pasta and fairly won an award

Didn't even have to rig a Tony

I quit eating spaghetti.

Now it's a thing of the pasta.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you say "thank you for the pasta" in Japanese?

Arigatoni

I was choking on some alphabet pasta when a lady asked if I needed help.

She took the words right out of my mouth.

[OC]

What kind of pasta grants wishes?

Fettugenie

What did the ravioli play on his birthday?

Pasta Parcel.

My wife didn't believe me when I told her I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti.

You should have seen her face when I rode straight pasta.

Mafia have boiled a man to death in an industrial pasta cooker.

Police are still trying to al dentefy the victim.

I started eating more pasta, and suddenly became psychic...

... you could say I had *penne* for their thoughts.

Did you hear about the COVID-19 spreading like crazy in Italy?

Looks like it's being pasta around.

Italians don’t die they...

Pasta way

What do you call all the pasta that you haven’t eaten yet?

Futura

The last week or two I've been really obsessed with mixing things.

The last week of two I've been really obsessed with mixing things. I've been mixing anything and everything I can find, from pasta and sauce to the garbage in the trash can and the clothes in my drawer.


The weirdest thing is that when I start mixing something I have a hard time stopping! ...

I love eating food at midnight

It's pasta bed time!

Once a pasta chef sat down to talk to his wife about something important

"Honey", the pasta chef said, "I know you said you wanted just two kids, but I really want three or more."

"Dear", his wife said, "are our two silly kids not enough for you?"

"Honey", the pasta chef said, "I just don't want to live having a couple silly kids. I really would like to hav...

So I went to buy some spaghetti at the store

It was so crowded to I grabbed one packet and ran out.
I pasta-out in the process...

Italians should lay off the penne and linguine for a while.

It's the obvious cause for why so many have pasta way.

A North American Elk walks into a pizzeria...

A North American Elk walks into a pizzeria and sits at an empty table while he waits for the waiter. The waiter hands him a menu and the Elk ponders for a bit. He's not really in the mood for pizza, so he narrows it down to pasta. The Elk is finally ready to order, so he calls for the waiter. The wa...

Tired of boiling water every time you make pasta?

Boil some at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later.

A wife talking to her neighbor: Wife: my husband went to get some pasta and got hit with a bus. neighbor: oh God! What did you do?

Wife: I made some fried eggs and Called it a day.

What do you call the formal study of pasta?

Linguinistics.

I'll show myself out.

What's the difference between an unusual undercooked pasta, and the easing of tensions between a famous parody artist and the singers he parodies?

One is a weird al dente, and the other is a "Weird Al" detente.

Did you hear about the guy who died from eating spaghetti?

He pasta way.

I have a medical condition where I’m allergic to only one type of pasta

It’s called macaroni and sneeze

My grandmother ate spaghetti everyday

Until she pasta-way

Did you hear about the Italian man who died? He pasta way...

...now he's a pizza history.

What kind of pasta sauce does Trump LOVE!!!

Putin-esca

I made this up myself just now.

In an Italian restaurant, if you saved any amount of pipe shaped pasta, you could take it home.

Each penne saved was a penne earned.

What do you call the aspect of pasta that allows it to stab you?

The penne trait

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men on their lunch break *LONG*

Three men were working together on the 40th floor construction of the Empire State Building.
An American, an Italian, and a Canadian.

A loud horn is heard signifying lunch, and all three men sat together, on the edge, their feet dangling a hundreds of feet in the air.

The American o...

BREAKING NEWS! CORONAVIRUS!

Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stock piled "just in case"....

How do ABBA like their pasta?

Al-dente, al-dente...

(Oh please don’t let me down)

Did you hear about the Italian who choked to death on pasta?

His family was terribly sad that he pasta-way

What do you call hellish pasta?

Al Dente's inferno

What does pasta say when it's done praying?

Ramen

What do you call a pasta sauce made out of sea breezes?

A ‘marine’-‘air’a

What do you call a magical pasta that grants you three wishes?

Fettu-genie alfredo :D

„Man you heard about that Virus Outbreak in Italy?“

„Yeah man, looks like it’s being pasta round“

Coronavirus has hit Italy hard.

That's 6 people who have pasta way.

Oh man... did you hear about the Italian chef that died?

He pasta way...

I mean, the doctors cannoli do so much.

It’s just crazy how you can wake up one day and be gone tomato.

I’ve truly never sausage a tragic thing.

So sad he ran out of thyme... :~(

I ordered a pasta strainer on Amazon.

But it never came.

So I had to keep calling Amazon over and over and continually pester them until, finally, they gave me a re-straining order.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) My doctor told me, “You’re like pasta!”

“When things get hot, you go soft!” He then wrote me a prescription for Viagra.

What's James Bond's favorite kind of pasta?

(in a Scottish accent)
Mini Penne

[So proud, my 8yo made this up at Golden Corral last night....] What kind of pasta do you make yourself?

Make-your-owni

A wife cooked her husband a pasta dish and posted the pic on fb

Later at the dining table...

Husband: “Sweetheart, I think it needs a bit more salt."

Wife : “What the hell! This pasta got 453 Likes and also 138 people commented 'Yummy'. But there's no pleasing you is there?"

"This macaroni keeps sliding around my kitchen counter by itself, and I keep finding it at the foot of my bed at night", my brother told me.

"Man, this is some creepy pasta" I replied.

Why was the pasta noodle kicked off of the subway?

They realized he was stroganoff

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