UPJOKE
lasagnanoodlespaghettimacaroniraviolidishcouscousorzopennesouppestofoodsaladrisottotortellini

What do you call pasta with a cold?

Macaroni and sneeze

Was told to me by my 3 year old

What do you call something that looks like pasta, and tastes like pasta, but isn't pasta?

An impasta.

What type of pasta is best eaten on its own?

Ravi-lonely.

Did you hear about the pasta and its cooking water?

Their relationship was strained.

I told my wife I was making a bicycle out of spaghetti. She didn't believe me...

Until I rode pasta.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me: Would you like some olive oil on your pasta?

Customer: Is it extra virgin?

Me: *tearing up* No it’s the same price

How does Satan like his pasta?

Al Dante

My wife left me because of my obsession with pasta!

I'm feeling cannelloni right now..

A Macaroni, a Penne and a Spaghetti were drinking wine in a bar one evening. They saw a noodle sitting by himself and discussed inviting him to join them.

They all agreed he looked Cannelloni.

EDIT; Thank you for all the awards, I guess I pasta test!

What is Forrest Gump’s favorite pasta?

Penne

My girlfriend left me because I have a fetish for touching pasta.

I'm feeling cannelloni now. 😔

(Thanks for the silver! X 😊😊)

I've been learning to make pasta recently...

And I'm pretty good apart from a Fusilli mistakes

Mushroom Pasta

Yesterday I found some delicious mushroom cream pasta in my fridge. That was quite a surprise because I don’t remember adding mushroom into the pasta 4 weeks ago.

A broadway actor that cheated their way to an award - what's their favorite pasta?

Rigatoni

My sister bet me I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti...

You should have seen her face as I drove pasta

What’s a kinky Italians favourite pasta?

Fetischini

What do you call pasta that you share with everyone?

Communist manipesto

I spent my entire life savings on Pasta

It was worth every Penne.

What do you call a green pasta?

Lingreene

Mafia have boiled a man to death in a industrial pasta cooker.

Police are still trying to al dentefy the victim.

What do you call pasta that likes to be spanked?

>!Fetish-ccine!<

Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?

He pasta way.
We cannoli do so much.
His legacy will be a pizza history.

Why did the pasta maker go to the strip club?

Because he was feeling cannelloni

I suspect my daughter might enjoy alphabet pasta...

but I don't want to put words in her mouth.

I like my men how I like my pasta

Made with mom and dads love

The President of France has published a recipe for a new dessert with coconut and pasta

It’s Macron’s macaroon macaroni macaron.

Pasta joke trilogy

My girlfriend refused to believe a spaghetti bike could work. You should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta.

Things took a turn for the worse when I was fired from my job at the pasta factory. Fusilli mistakes.

To top it all off, my girlfriend said she couldn’t stand me touching pasta ...

What do you call pasta that lives in the hood?

Spaghetto

Having intercourse is like having pasta

Because it involves penne tration

Very good tea and pasta joke

What is your favorite type of tea?







Spaghett-tea


Thank you

A North American Elk walks into a pizzeria...

A North American Elk walks into a pizzeria and sits at an empty table while he waits for the waiter. The waiter hands him a menu and the Elk ponders for a bit. He's not really in the mood for pizza, so he narrows it down to pasta. The Elk is finally ready to order, so he calls for the waiter. The wa...

You know what place has great pasta?

Hell.

I hear everything is Al Dante

I was choking on some alphabet pasta when a lady asked if I needed help.

She took the words right out of my mouth.

[OC]

A woman covered in pasta sauce takes a pregnancy test

Turns out she's Prego

How long do you cook your pasta in Hell?

Until it’s Al Dante!


I’m not proud of it. But I still like it.

What do you call the formal study of pasta?

Linguinistics.

I'll show myself out.

What type of pasta do crooked musical writers like?

Rigatoni

What is the saddest pasta?

Tort-alone-i

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I accidentally put antipasto in the pasta jar.

Now there's a big fucking hole in the wall.

I dropped a piece of pasta off of a cliff,

It was a farfalle.

What do you call jail for murderous pastas?

The state pennetentiary

What kind of pasta sauce does Trump LOVE!!!

Putin-esca

I made this up myself just now.

What do pasta and cars have in common?

I don't like either al dente

I just got fired from the pasta factory :(

I made a fusili mistakes.

Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?

He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. His legacy will become a pizza history. How sad that he ran out of thyme. Sending olive my prayers to the family. His wife is really upset. Cheese still not over it. You never sausage a tragic thing.

Where does the tomato and pasta go to dance?

At the Meat Ball

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wedding night

Sophia had just gotten married, and being a traditional Italian girl living under the watchful eye of her mother, she remained a virgin up until she and her husband took their wedding vows…

On their wedding night, the newlyweds stayed at her mother's house, and Sophia was nervous. Her mother...

What's a dog's favourite type of pasta?

Wagliataile

How do German pasta lovers say hello?

Gluten Tag

My local soup kitchen is looking for volunteers for their next Pasta Dinner..

I'll check my colander and set aside some thyme for it.

I didn't understand what my wife meant when she told me I was holding the bag of pasta upside down...

Then the Penne dropped

There’s 500 types of pasta

The pastabilities are endless.

Which pasta is constantly locked out?

Gnocchi!

What did the incel say when he wanted to order pasta?

Send noods.

(I'm sorry)

Did you hear the pasta makers in Italy revolted?

It was a ravioli-tion

I’m 3’6”, which makes certain daily tasks extremely difficult. Recently, I spent a good 10 minutes in my local supermarket wondering how to get the pasta down from the top shelf.

Then suddenly the penne dropped.

My friend promised to hide the cell key in my final meal, a plate of pasta.

But when I looked, there was gnocchi.

I tried to build a car out of spaghetti, my wife lost her temper and said it would never work and threatened to leave me, anyway, you should have seen her face when I drove pasta. After a while my obsession got the better of me and she walked out..

Now I’m feeling cannelloni.

I taught my son about gravity by throwing pasta and sauce at the ceiling

He didn't get it at first, but it wasn't long before the penne dropped.

What do you call designer pasta?

J.C Penne

Did you hear about the travelling pasta salesman?

His commission was penne's on the dollar

Pasta is long and stringy. Rice is short and stubby.

Orzo you think

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I get really horny whenever I eat pasta

the doctor said I got a fetishini

What do you call it when Jesus throws his Pasta at the door?

Gnocchi on Heaven's Door

Why are people buying out all the pasta/macaroni products?

Because when you are in lockdown.. A nice bowl can pasta time quicker

How did the pasta chef get locked out of his house?

He came home from work with gnocchi.

I'm writing an Italian opera about pasta. Hopefully it's successful.

Otherwise I might have to rigatoni.

My flatmates said I wasted my money buying a kilo of pasta..

..but I say it was worth every penne.

Due to the coronavirus, there has been a shortage of pasta in shops.

The government is urging the public not to panic buy based on the actions of a fusilli individuals.

Have you guys tried my new Texan pasta dish?

It's y'all dente

What did the pasta say to the cheese?

Grate to meet you!

Did you hear about the pasta sauce that was really good at knocking down pins?

It was a bowlin’ ace.

COVID-19 jokes are like pasta:

They're inspired by the italians, come in many forms, and redditors don't know how to make them from scratch.

My girlfriend left me today because I have developed a pasta touching fetish.

I've been feeling Canneloni ever since. :'(

COVID-19 is like Pasta

Asians invented it, Italians spread it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Anal virginity reminds me of leftover pasta

squishy and delicious, but soon forgotten

I had some uncooked pasta for dinner yesterday

It was an all-round solid meal

What kind of pasta grants wishes?

Fettugenie

Corona virus has caused our local supermarket to sell out of pasta

All because of a fusilli people

Where did Abraham Lincoln prepare his pasta?

Spaghettysburg

What do you call all the pasta that you haven’t eaten yet?

Futura

I wrote a play about pasta and fairly won an award

Didn't even have to rig a Tony

What do you call a pasta sauce made out of sea breezes?

A ‘marine’-‘air’a

A wife talking to her neighbor: Wife: my husband went to get some pasta and got hit with a bus. neighbor: oh God! What did you do?

Wife: I made some fried eggs and Called it a day.

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