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Two muffins are in the oven

One muffin said to the other, "man, it's hot in here".

The other muffin replied, "Holy shit! A talking muffin".

A man storms into a bakery and says "I want to make a complaint! This muffin is mouldy and tastes like cheese!"

The baker rolls his eyes and says "well, you did ask for a blue brie muffin."

It's my cake day, so better post a joke about cakes... Why couldn't the Teddy bear finish his birthday cake?

Because he was already stuffed...

Sorry, I'll do better next year - definitely Muffin that I will repeat again!

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my aunt’s ex husband used to call her his "meadow muffin" and she thought it was sweet

until she found out meadow muffin is another phrase for "cow shit".

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Little girl and her muffin

A little girl goes to the barbershop with her father.

She stands next to the barbers chair, eating a muffin while her dad gets his haircut.

The barber smiles at her and says, "Sweetheart, you wanna sit down and watch your daddy you're gonna get hair on your muffin."

"I know," sh...

Why did the muffin fall down the stairs

He was baked

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An eighty-five year old couple, married for almost sixty years, died in a car crash and went to the Pearly Gates.

They had been in good health for the last ten years, mainly as a result of the wife's interest in healthy diets and exercise.

St. Peter welcomed them into Heaven and took them to their small palace in heaven- complete with a large bedroom, Jacuzzi, full kitchen, and billiards table. "How much...

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A little girl walked into a barber shop eating a muffin...

She sat down next to the chair where a customer was getting a haircut.



The barber turned to the little girl and shook his head. "You'll get hair on your muffin."


The girl smiled up at the man and nodded. "Yeah, they say I'll get tits too!"

Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin?

They both depend on the batter

My doctor told me to reduce my calories.

So I went home, raided the cupboards, and ate half of eight muffins.



The next time I saw him, he looked me up and down, and said, "Have you been reducing your calories?"



I said, "Yes. Just the other day I ate half of eight muffins."



"What! You haven't lis...

Did you know that all the employees of Thomas’ English Muffins are former embezzlers and child care workers?

They’re nothing but crooks and nannies

An overweight businessman decided it was time to shed some excess weight. He took his new diet seriously, even changing his driving route to avoid his favourite bakery.

One morning, however, he arrived at work carrying a gigantic muffin. The office all scolded him, but his smile remained cherubic.

“This is a very special muffin,” he explained. “I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and there in the window were a host of goodies. I felt this was no ...

Back in college, I could barely pay my bills, even having to choose between laundry detergent and a small breakfast snack.

Sometimes it was All or muffin.

Whenever I make chocolate chip or blueberry muffins, I make sure one muffin is just batter.

I like to play Muffin Roulette.

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A women walks into a grocery shop

She then proceeds to buy :
ONE egg,
ONE muffin,
ONE ficello,
ONE piece of gum,
ONE toast,
etc,etc...

She then come at the front to pay. The cashier says :
- Woah, are you single ?
- Actually, yes ! But why you’re asking ?
- Because you’re fucking ugly

Brexit fallout: my French Toast has just surrendered to my English Muffins. Germany is sending in the Luftwaffle... these events could engulf the entire continental breakfast.

and my Irish coffee is drunk. Again.

Everyone knows the muffin man lives down Drury Lane.

But did you know the ice cream man lives down Rocky Road?

If I had a dozen muffins and Carlos took 13 away from me, what do I have now?

A math problem

What do you do to backwards scented muffins?

sniffum

What do baseball teams and muffins have in common?

They both rely on a good *batter*

A muffin and dough and are having a conversation.

And the muffin says, "Dude, everything is energy man; it's all energy swirling around. Good energy, and bad energy, and it all depends on what energy you tap into. It's like the planets and electrons and stuff; everything is swirling."
The dough replies, "Dude, you're baked."

An 85 year old couple is going on holiday, when they suddenly die in a plane crash...

They had been married for 60 years, and kept in good health due to their healthy diet and regular exercise.

When they reached heaven, St. Peter took them to their mansion, decked out with a fully stocked kitchen, master bath suite, and their very own jacuzzi. As his wife 'oohed' and 'aahed' a...

Got a list for y'all

1. (OC) Where do ghosts go to get their teeth worked on?

>!The Orthohauntist!!<



2. Two muffins are in the oven, one says to the other: Ya think it's getting hot in here?

the other one says: >!AHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!!<



3. One guy says to his fri...

A elderly lady walks into a bakery and asks the baker for chocolate cake.

He politely replies that they are out of chocolate.

She says fine, I'll have chocolate muffins.

The baker says, I'm sorry but we are out of chocolate.

She says, ok how about some chocolate cookies?

The baker somewhat annoyed asks the lady. Tell me something, where do find...

What did one muffin say to the other?

muffin', he wasn't a very talkative guy

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