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Lets face it English is a stupid language There is no egg in the eggplant No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England

French Fries Were Not Invented In France.

We Sometimes Take English For Granted

But If We Examine Its Paradoxes We Find That:

Quicksand Takes You Down Slowly

Boxing Rings Are Square

And A Guinea Pig Is Neither From Guinea Nor Is It A Pig.

If Writers Write, H...

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Two Muffins

Two muffins were in an oven, one says “ Wow it’s hot in here ! “ the other muffin yells “ HOLY SHIT ! A talking muffin !

Did you know that 'Muffins' spelt backwards...

...is what you do, when you take them out of the oven ?

One of the Secret Service agents was tempted by the delicious muffin on the president's office desk, as he slowly reached out to take a bite, the other agent stopped him and said:

"Its FOR-BIDEN!"

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my aunt’s ex husband used to call her his "meadow muffin" and she thought it was sweet

until she found out meadow muffin is another phrase for "cow shit".

A young baker buys a shop

He is very excited as this is his first venture since qualifying. He sells ok on everyday items like bread, but runs into trouble with his 'special items'. One day he makes beautiful cakes, however his customers only want pastries that day. So the next day he makes pastries, but now they want muffin...

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Sherlock Holmes arrives at a crime scene, and immediately bends down to pick up a button on the floor.

“Hmm…” Sherlock ponders, “I deduce that the individual this button belongs to is 6’ 1”, was born in January, and has a fascination with blueberry muffins.”

Watson was completely confused by his partner’s deduction.

“How could you possibly get all that from just a button?”

“Eleme...

Why does Joe Biden call women muffins?

Cause muffins backwards is sniffum.

That’s my favorite part of the muffin...

Is apparently not the right answer when your wife asks if her pants give her a muffin top

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Little girl and her muffin

A little girl goes to the barbershop with her father.

She stands next to the barbers chair, eating a muffin while her dad gets his haircut.

The barber smiles at her and says, "Sweetheart, you wanna sit down and watch your daddy you're gonna get hair on your muffin."

"I know," sh...

A guy was going on vacation and didn't have anyone to take care of his beloved cat

So he had to leave her with his notoriously irresponsible friend. The very first day the friend left the door open and the cat ran out into the street and got hit by a car and killed.

When he guy called his friend the next day to check up on the cat the friend said "Oh, the cat's dead. Got hi...

First time making muffins...

So, first time making blueberry muffins, and the recipe calls for 2 cup flour. The only measuring cups I have in the house are a 1/2 cup and a 1/3 so I actually had to take the time to do 4 halves.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

NOT a dad joke

Dad comes home from work 1 day and his daughter meets him at the door crying. Daddy something is very wrong with Fluffy. Dad asks her to show him. There is Fluffy in the middle of the floor laying on his back stiff as a board. Dad says I'm so sorry muffin but Fluffy has gone to visit God. Muffin ask...

Thanks to a very healthy lifestyle, a married couple live well into their 100s

One day they are both killed in a tragic accident, and go to heaven.

On the first morning, they go up to God and ask where the gym is. "Gym?" God replies, "you don't need to go to the gym here, you'll always be in perfect shape even if you never exercise." The wife says how nice that is, but...

Whenever I make chocolate chip or blueberry muffins, I make sure one muffin is just batter.

I like to play Muffin Roulette.

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A little girl walked into a barber shop eating a muffin...

She sat down next to the chair where a customer was getting a haircut.



The barber turned to the little girl and shook his head. "You'll get hair on your muffin."


The girl smiled up at the man and nodded. "Yeah, they say I'll get tits too!"

A widower goes to the butcher

shortly after the death of his wife. As soon as the butcher sees him he breaks down into tears.

"I have a confession to make!" The butcher says between sobs. "8 years ago I made a pass at your wife! I told her she could have all finest cuts of meat she'd like if she'd sleep with me. She turne...

Brexit fallout: my French Toast has just surrendered to my English Muffins. Germany is sending in the Luftwaffle... these events could engulf the entire continental breakfast.

and my Irish coffee is drunk. Again.

Why did the muffin fall down the stairs

He was baked

If I had a dozen muffins and Carlos took 13 away from me, what do I have now?

A math problem

Everyone knows the muffin man lives down Drury Lane.

But did you know the ice cream man lives down Rocky Road?

What did the pancake say to the complimentary muffin?

I'm flattered!

A muffin and dough and are having a conversation.

And the muffin says, "Dude, everything is energy man; it's all energy swirling around. Good energy, and bad energy, and it all depends on what energy you tap into. It's like the planets and electrons and stuff; everything is swirling."
The dough replies, "Dude, you're baked."

What did one muffin say to the other?

muffin', he wasn't a very talkative guy

muffin man

I was talking to the muffin man he looked kinda sad so I said something wrong?
He said, no muffin's wrong

What do baseball teams and muffins have in common?

They both rely on a good *batter*

George and Muriel died and went to Heaven...

They had been married for well over 70 years, and both were in excellent health. Their bodies were just too old to continue and they passed away of natural causes at the ripe age of 106 and 108, hours apart. Their longevity was due to the strictly healthy diet Muriel kept them on.

St. Peter ...

[Repost] Two Muffins

Two muffins are in an oven. One says, "Wow, it's hot in here..." The other says, "HOLY **** A TALKING MUFFIN!"

[Source](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/14xi0m/make_me_laugh_and_ill_gift_you_one_game_on_steam/c7i265g)

It's my cake day, so better post a joke about cakes... Why couldn't the Teddy bear finish his birthday cake?

Because he was already stuffed...

Sorry, I'll do better next year - definitely Muffin that I will repeat again!

There is a restaurant that advertises that it will serve you anything you want, but if they can't, then they will gift you $5000 as an apology.

A man passing by sees this message advertised at the entrance, and believes this to be bullshiet, but decides to try it out anyway.

He enters and a waiter takes him to a table. The waiter asks, "What would you like to eat today, sir?"

Man: "I would like an elephant's ear and a muffin ...

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