Never ask a dominant woman to make you a sandwich

Because she’ll make you a sub

What's the difference between sandwich meat and people from Alabama?

Nothing, they're both inbred.

I had a Cuban sandwich for lunch today

Just tasted like pork

A sandwich walks into a bar

The Barman says “sorry we don’t serve food in here”.

What kind of sandwich would a golfer use to chip a ball?

A sand wedge.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man walks into the bar and sees a sign: Handjob: $5 Cheese sandwich: $2

He walks over to the bartender, a big boobied blonde, and asks,

“Are you the one giving out handjobs?”

“Why yes I am!”, she replied, smiling and sticking out her chest.

“Okay,” he said. “Now wash your hands and make me a cheese sandwich!”

Social Justice Warriors Favorite Sandwich:

Lettuce, Guacamole, Bacon and Tomato

Paddy finds a sandwich with 2 red wires stickin out of it...

He phones the bomb squad... "jesus, I've just found a sandwich dat looks like a feckin bomb"...

The operator asks "Is it tickin?" ...Paddy says "No, I tink it's beef!"

You're so inbred that you're basically a sandwich.

That's all, that was the joke. Sorry. Heard it from a cousin, probably not original.

To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money.

On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.

Once a monk went to a sandwich seller and said,

"Make me one with all."

Security guard goes outside a side door for a cigarette and spots a sandwich on the ground with wires sticking out

He radios his boss "Hey Jim, there's a sandwich outside the door here with wires sticking out of it"

His boss replies "Is it ticking?"

"No, it's turkey and ham."

I keep ordering things that aren’t on the menu at this Vietnamese Sandwich Shop...

The lady behind the counter said: “If you keep doing that you’re gonna get in trouble!”

I replied: “Whadya gonna do...Bahn Mi?!”

I asked my chemist father for a PB and J sandwich

But all I got was lead poisoning

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane.

After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked,

"Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"

The rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."

The priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?"

To which the rabbi replied, "Yes, on...

TIFU: By eating my boss' sandwich

Edit: Sorry, wrong sub.

Yesterday, when I rode through Nottingham Forest, I witnessed a bizarre scene: Robin Hood was in the middle of a sandwich with Richard Lionheart and a homeless girl.

Surprised, I stopped and shouted "What are you doing?"


And Robin Hood shouted back: "Can't you see that? I take it from Rich and give it to the poor."

What do you call a "Sloppy Joe" sandwich made of venison?

Sloppy Doe.

I'll have a club sandwich on rye.

Hold the mayo. Cuddle the mustard. Whisper soft words of confidence to the lettuce. Make love to the onion

CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00

He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks. "Can I help
you?" she asks. "I was wondering," whisper...

My wife asked if I still pleasure myself... So I decided to answer honestly...

She was kind of upset, so I tried to come up with a good analogy to explain it and smooth things over. So I said:

Sometimes you get hungry, and a nice steak dinner would be awesome. First you have to let it come to room temp, season it, sear it, let it rest. While you're doing that you have t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

AITA For getting my daughter a turkey sandwich from subway instead of ham?

She asked for ham but she usually picks off the ham, so I thought I would get her turkey so she can try something new. Just wondering, if I am the asshole I understand.

Did you hear about the sandwich shop that just opened up in India?

It's a new deli.

TIFU by ordering a 6-inch sandwich instead of a footlong.

Whoops, wrong sub.

Damnnn girl, are you a sandwich?

Cause you lookin in-bread

A reddit user goes to order a foot long sandwich...

The sandwich maker asks, "What would you like on your sandwich?"

The user says, "Oh, I like anything on a sub, except for mayonnaise and reposts"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

"Do you know the difference between a Blowjob and a ham sandwich?"

"No why?"

"Perfect, let's go to lunch"

A man walked into a bar with a sandwich taped to his head

The bartender said, "Why the hell do you have a sandwich taped to your head?"
The man said, "My family always wears a sandwich hat on Wednesdays."
The bartender said, "It's Tuesday."
The man hung his head in shame and said, "Gosh, I must look pretty silly right now, then."

On my first day working for TSA we searched a neat, sandwich shaped suitcase.

It was jam packed.

I hate only two things, sandwich condiments and french paintings that are completely random.

ESPECIALLY MANETS

I bought a homeless man a sandwich and a cup of tea...

and I forgot to take a picture and tell the Internet. Absolute waste of a fiver that.

What is a herbivore’s favorite sandwich?

A trees-burger!

James Bond orders a sandwich

James Bond goes to a deli and orders a club sandwich.

The employee says to him, "Mr. Bond, we have ham or turkey. How would you like it?"

Bond replies, "bacon, not bird."

God asks a programmer to decide between eternal life and bliss or a cheese sandwich.

The programmer says he must think about it for a bit which confuses god a bit since it’s a no brainer and more of a joke question, but he agrees.

After a while he comes back and says “I’ll take the cheese sandwich, thank you”

God now even more confused, asks how he came to that decisio...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich. (Long)

The barman looks at him and says,
"Hang on! You're a duck."
"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.
"And you can talk!"
Exclaims the barman.
"I see your ears are working, too,"
Says the duck.
"Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"
"Certa...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I had 3 bitches making me sandwich this morning. I felt like a pimp

That is why I like Subway

Did you hear the one about the armless man and the tuna sandwich?

**He didn't make it.**

I went to subway with my wife and asked the girl to make me a sandwich.

She said "no problem"
I turned to my wife and said "now, how hard was that?"

I tripped on the way to the sandwich shop near my house.

r/SubsYouFellFor

A guy walks into a restaurant and orders a rubber band sandwich ...

He says “And make it snappy”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man walks into a sandwich shop

He asks for a BLT on rye, pays for it and leaves. The next week he does the same and the week after that as well. Years go by and the man still comes for his weekly sandwich and is now a recognized face at the restaurant and is a friend of the owner.

One day the owner asks him, "Why don't yo...

Why does Subway call its employees Sandwich Artists?

So you can finally say you are earning money as an artist.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Hand Jobs $20 (nsfw)

A man walks into a sandwich shop and looks at the menu board. It reads

Grilled Cheese - $3
Ham and Cheese $5
Roast Beef - $6
Hand jobs -$20

A beautiful blond with huge tits comes to the register and says "what will you have handsome?"

"Are you the one that gives the han...

What's the difference between a disappointed sandwich shop customer and Soviet Russia?

One couldn't get pastrami, the other couldn't get past the Saami.

If earth was a sandwich

The entire population would be in bread.

What’s the worst jelly to put on your sandwich?

Traffic Jam

**My daughter read me this from her Gogurt wrapper. My answer was Toe Jam.

What’s a poor person’s favorite sandwich?

A plebeian J.

I specifically asked for no mayo on my sandwich.

What the Hellman

I grew up in the small town of Sandwich...

Born and bread.

UPDATE: United Airlines now offering a new addition to their inflight meals

chinese takeout

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Life is a lot like eating a shit sandwich...

The more bread you got, the less shit you eat.

What is the most dramatic type of Sandwich?

Ham.

Why did the scientist try to genetically sequence his chicken sandwich?

He wanted to make it crispr.

What do you put on a lonely grilled cheese sandwich?

Provalone

The server at the sandwich shop said that every sandwich comes with a free pickle.

I said, “That’s a really good dill.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So I'm standing at the bus stop, eating a sandwich…

And there's an old lady there with a little chihuahua.
It's constantly jumping at my leg, begging for some sandwich.
I ask the lady,
" Do you mind if I throw your dog a bit?"
" Why no, go ahead", she says, sweetly.
So I threw the yappy little bastard under a bus.

What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that gets right up in your face?

Too close for comfort food.

Why shouldn't you eat a chess sandwich?

It's stale, mate.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The subway guy wrapped my sandwich the same way I wrap up my penis before sex.

He didn't.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How do you get seamen out of a sub?

You can't, but please stop fucking the sandwiches.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Computing Sandwich

A relative walks into my kitchen

As I have my sandwich, he stares intently, and asks if he is able to get a bite of my sandwich.

With some annoyance, I set aside 2 nibbles, on a white porcelain plate.

He glares at me, obviously dissatisfied at the portion that was provided.
<...

A homeless man asked me if he could get fifty cents for a sandwich.

I told him, “I don’t know, let me see the sandwich.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man walks into a bar and sees a sign... [NSFW]

It reads: Toasted Sandwiches- $2, Handjobs- $5.

He approaches the bar and sees a stunning large breasted, tight waisted blonde goddess serving.

He asks her, "Are you the one who gives the handjobs?"

She leans towards him, resting her breasts on the bar and says, "Why, yes I am."...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A scientist brings a sandwich to life by feeding it prunes and bran for 3 days. He then hears its first words...

This sub is going to shit.

TIL subway workers can get fired for messing up one sandwich.

Whoops, wrong sub.

What is a Vietnamese sandwich maker’s favorite pick up line?

Banh mi.

“Mommy, could you please make me a sandwich?”

“Don’t call me “mommy” just because I slept with your father!”

“So what am I supposed to call you?”

“Just call me Steve, like everybody else.”

I've heard that people in the South think everything is better in sandwich form.

Those inbreds.

A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich.

After eating, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and leaves.

Next day, the headlines read *Panda eats shoots and leaves!*

“Mommy, can you make me a sandwich?”

“First, you can make you your own freaking sandwich. And second, you don’t have to call me 'Mommy' just because I’m sleeping with your father.”

“But, but ... what should I call you?”

“Thomas is fine.”

A panda walks into a restaurant

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. He
eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the
panda stands up to go, the manager shouts,

"Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay
for your sandwich!"

The p...

What is the preferred sandwich of the working class? [OC]

A plebian-J.