UPJOKE
pastrybiscuitcakecrustapple pietartcustardcheesecakepumpkin piechickenpattybreadpuddingpizzadessert

A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.

One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left.

As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't ...

What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake?

Diabetes.

What?, did you really think I was gonna make a pie joke on my cake day?

^btw ^I ^waited ^1 ^whole ^year ^to ^tell ^this ^joke

In Jamaica, a slice of pie costs $3.50. In the Bahamas, a slice of pie costs $5.50.

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in cuba for $1.50 and in jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?

Those are the pie rates of the carribean.

I love the expression 'As American as apple pie'

Because there isn't anything more American then copying other cultures and pretend its American

A slice of pie in Jamaica is $2.00. A slice of pie in Barbados is $2.50. And a slice of pie in Trinidad and Tobago is $5.00.

These are the Pie-rates of the Carribean.

I love you honey pie, my wife said earlier. And I love you tons, I replied.

What, no nickname for me? She asked.

Sometimes I swear she’s going deaf.

Chicken pot pie.

My three favorite things. How about you?

A lot of people are pretty upset about "fat shaming" jokes these days

Maybe they need to lighten up

I love pie.

I could eat it 22/7.

A slice of Apple Pie is $2.50 in Jamaica, $2.75 in Aruba and $3.00 in the Bahamas

Those are the the pie rates of the Caribbean

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Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair, says simple Simon to the pie man what have you got there?

Pies you simple bastard!

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Went into a cafe for lunch today and ordered the nicest sounding thing on the menu, home-cooked steak pie.

"Excuse me, love." I said to the waitress, after my first bite. "This is cold."


"Well of course it is." She replied. "I live fucking miles away."

What kind of eel hits your eye like a big pizza pie?

That's a Moray.

Gordon Ramsay goes to Australia and whips up a lemon meringue pie.

The whole audience cheers! “That's strange," he says. “I thought Australians usually boo meringue."

When I was young, I brought a pie to the USA, a pie to Russia, and a pie to North Korea.

All because my maths teacher told me to carry pie to 3 dismal places.

In Jamaica pies cost $4.76, in the Cuba pies cost $3.89, and in Haiti pies cost $3.23.

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

Eating too much cake is gluttony, which is a sin. But eating too much pie isn’t.

Because …sin pi = zero.

A guy opens up a bakery specializing in pies.

He calls it Fool’s Gold Bakery. The slogan is “We do Pyrite.”

Where do you weigh a pie?

Somewhere, Over The Rainbow!

Apple pie and coffee

An immigrant family in the 1890s saved up some money and sent their oldest son to America to work. A year later, he saved up enough to get his brother to America and the two of them worked construction to save up and buy tickets for the rest of the family.


The older brother knew a lot mo...

Why did the pie cross the road?

Because it was meetin' potato.

Grandma's Apple Pie

An old man is dying, with his young grandson by his bedside. He asks his grandson to lean over and whispers "Johnny, I smell your grandma's apple pie. Looks like she took it of the oven. Go to the kitchen and bring me a piece. It's my favorite."

Johnny gets up and leaves. 2 minutes later he c...

My wife just shoved a key lime pie in my face and stormed out of the house!

I've been desserted!

Why does pirate likes to eat pie?

Because PIE RATING is in their job description.

pie

In Jamaica you can buy a steak and kidney pie for $1.75, a chicken and mushroom pie for $1.60 and an apple pie for $2.15.



In St Kitts and Nevis, a steak and kidney pie will cost you $2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is $1.70 and a cherry pie can be yours for $1.95.



...

Mary comes home after tending to the garden….

Joseph has a warm pie on the table. He cuts Mary a peice of pie and she is thrilled by how amazing it tastes. So she asks Joseph, “Where did you get this pie from?”

Joseph tells Mary “I baked it!”

“Baked it?” Says Mary.

“Yes, right here in our home from scratch!” Says Joseph....

I was trying to figure out why someone would throw a pie in my face.

And then it hit me.

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What's great on pie but terrible on pussy...?

Crust

Pricey Pies

Did you know a pork pie in Aruba costs $1.50? A cheese and spinach pie will cost you $2.60 in Barbados. An apple pie is only $1.30 in Jamaica whereas a pecan pie will set you back $3.50 in Grenada.



And those are the pie rates of the Carribean.

“Waiter, waiter, why is my apple pie all mashed up?!”

“Sir, you did ask me to step on it.”

What’s the difference between cake and pie?

πr2, cakes are round.



Happy Cake Day to me.

A chicken pie in Jamaica costs €2.00 A chicken pie in Trinidad costs €2.15 A chicken pie in St Kitts costs €2.40

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

Chicken pie in the Bahamas...

A chicken pie in the Bahamas costs $7, while a shepherd's pie, in Jamaica, costs $8. But a mushroom pie in Bermuda only costs $3.

That's right.

Those are the pie-rates of the Caribbean.

What letter can be made into a pie?

P can

Why did the apple pie go to the dentist?

Because it needed a filling!

What do you call a mud pie on April 22?

An Earthday cake!

I'll see myself out.

What's the difference between pie and cake?

πr^2, but cake are round.

yup, waited about 4 months to post this.

What did Yoda say when the bakery was out of Pies?

Dough. Or Doughnut. There is no Pie.

I had pie today. What kind of pie?

3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592307816406286 208998628034825342117067982148086513282306647093844609550582231725359408128481 117450284102701938521105559644622948954930381964428810975665933446128475648233 7867831652712019091456485669234603486104543266482133936072602491...

What's the most expensive pie in Texas?

Creampie.

What did they call the first person to bake a pie?

A pie-oneer.

What the difference between cake and pie?

Put a candle on a cake and it’s a party.

Put a candle on a pie and someone’s drunk in the kitchen.

A husband and wife are having breakfast

The wife asks him: ‘Honey could you take a look at the bathroom door, it seems a little stuck’

‘Do I look like a carpenter?’

‘And the toilet is also clogged.. i’d take a look at that as well’

‘Do I look like a plumber?’

‘Oh and theres a tile loose on our kitchen floor’...

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What do a burnt pie, a frozen beer and a pregnant girl have in common?

.

.

.

>!An idiot that didn't pull out in time.!<

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A duck walks into a bar...

He sits at the bar and requests 'A pint of beer and a pork pie please'

The barman is aghast. A talking duck! 'Wow, where did you come from?' he asks.

'I work across the road at the building site' replies the duck annoyed. He ruffles his newspaper and begins to read. The barman is in sh...

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Which Pie takes 9 months to Bake?

A cream pie!!!

What’s the opposite of Sad Pie Night?

You tell me ;)

Finger in the Pie

I robbed a pastry shop in Lombardy

and ended up in custardy

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Oatmeal Cream Pie

The most disturbing category in the Grannie Porn collection.

Someone told me today is Pie day

Sounds great. I love cake!

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What’s the difference between a poorly baked pastry dish and a cash-grabbing prick?

One’s a shit pie and the other’s Ajit Pai.

My favourite childhood memory is making mud pies with my grandad.

Until mom found out and hid the urn.

My friend is blindly in love with pie.

I don't what to do with his irrational relations.

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George claims that his dick is the "Hardest Dick In The World!"

George will pay anyone $5000 cash to anyone who can bring him something absolutely harder than his dick.


One man brings a basketball-sized boulder. George easily smashes the boulder with his dick. The man picks up the boulder pieces and angrily walks off.


A second man brings a ...

I think my favorite Thanksgiving food is pie,

but some people say that’s irrational.

What is an Australian ghost's favorite pie?

Boo meringue

A billboard advertising a pie shop read...

'Just 3.14 miles away. '

What do you call a pie without 3.14?

2.718

A Viking is out shopping when he comes across an old woman in a wheelchair crying.

"What's wrong?" asks the Viking.

"Well," the woman says, wiping her tears, "I have been living on my own for many months now, and my daughter and son-in-law have at last come to visit me. My daughter has brought me along on this shopping trip, but it's the first time I've really been out and ...

If I have 5 pies in one hand and 6 pies in the other, what do I have?

Adele’s undivided attention

Couldn't find any round pies for Pi Day!

My baker insists pie are squared

Apple pie in Jamaica $2.55

Cherry pie in Antigua $4.57

Key Lime Pie in Dominican Republic $3.87

Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

Apple pie and coffee

A Russian man has been taught a phrase by his friend so that he can order food at the local restaurant.

Each day on his lunch break he goes to the same place and orders “ah pull pi and cough yeh”

One day he asks his friend to please teach him something else because he is so tired of ...

PewDiePie walks into a bar

He can’t. He has no legs.

Why is my hand like lemon pie

Cause it's got meringue on it.

Have you ever had synonym pie?

No, but I think I've had something like it.

My vegan meat pie recipe

Step 1: Find yourself a fresh vegan...

How do you make Pumpkin Pie?

Take the circumference of the pumpkin and divide it by the diameter of the pumpkin

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A man is obsessed with trains.

A man is obsessed with trains, so he finally steals one and immediately crashes it, killing several people...

At the trial, the man is found guilty of multiple murders and is sentenced to death.


Before he is executed, he is offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which...

Did you hear about the sailor who turned into a pumpkin pie?

He's a squashbuckling pirate

Who makes the best pumpkin pie?

Gourden Ramsay

This guy Joe goes to pick up his fiancé for a date in a brand new Porsche.

His fiancé is confused because Joe isn’t exactly a wealthy guy.

She says, “Where did you get this Porsche?“

Joe says, “It was in my garage.“

She says, “What was it doing in your garage?“

Joe says, “Well, I guess God put it there.”

She says, “That’s ridiculous!...

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You ever stick your dick in pecan pie?

It's fucking nuts.

I ate some shepherd's pie today

...he seemed pretty angry about it.

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie that’s amore

When you suddenly squeal 'cause you stepped on an eel that’s a moray!

What’s a Muslim’s favorite pie topping?

Allah mode

[Religion] Why doesn't God like apple pie?

Because he's not real

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