Where do you go to weigh a pie?

Somewhere, over the rainbow.

I think my favorite Thanksgiving food is pie,

but some people say that’s irrational.

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Today I used an apple pie to masturbate

Maybe I should've left the store before.

What's the difference between cake and pie?

πr², cakes are round

A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3 in the Bahamas

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean

A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.

One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left.

As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't ...

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I used to think that clowns doing the 1930’s cream pie gag was hilarious

Until I realized that I too have also been creampied by clowns

Whenever my Muslim roommate goes to pray, I sit next to him with some apple pie and ice cream.

Then both of us are in A La mode.

Did Judy Garland ever figure out how much a pie weighs?

Apparently, somewhere over the rainbow you can weigh a pie.

Why does pirate likes to eat pie?

Because PIE RATING is in their job description.

Someone bumped into me at greggs and knocked my pies and sausage rolls all over the floor

Just goes to show you shouldn't put all your greggs in one basket

What’s a Muslim’s favorite pie topping?

Allah mode

A man went into a cafe and asked for a meat pie.

"Shall I cut it for you?" said the waiter."Yes, please," said the man."How many pieces?" asked the waiter, "Four or six?""Better make it four. I don't think I can eat six!

What is an Australian ghost's favorite pie?

Boo meringue

The price of your average meat pie in Nicaragua, Panama, Dominica and Cubais $3. In Mexico, Honduras, Jamaica and Bahamas it lies around $2.79, and the cheapest at $1.79 can be found in Granada and Guatemala.

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

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If someone with a severe banana allergy eats a banana cream pie....

Will they go into bananaphylactic shock?

In Jamaica pies cost $4.76, in the Cuba pies cost $3.89, and in Haiti pies cost $3.23.

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

Did you hear about the sailor who turned into a pumpkin pie?

He's a squashbuckling pirate

Why did the waitress say when Rick Astley asked to fast track his order of apple pie and vanilla ice cream?

I"m never gonna run around and dessert you.

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie that’s amore

When you suddenly squeal 'cause you stepped on an eel that’s a moray!

A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three large bikers walked in.

The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man’s pie and then took a seat at the counter.The second walked up to the old man, spit into the old man’s milk and then he took a seat at the counter.The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man’s plate, and then h...

Why did the pie go to the dentist?

Because it needed a filling

What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake?

Diabetes.

What? Did you really think I was gonna make a pie joke on my cake day?

^btw ^I ^waited ^1 ^whole ^year ^to ^repost ^this ^joke

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What is good on pie, but not on pussy?

Crust.

Did you know that Cherry Pie is $15 in Barbados but only $10 in Antigua?

Arrr. Those be the Pie rates of the Caribbean today.

A hunting joke ( read full it's totally worth it)

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.  As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a...

Man walks into a bar.

He buys a beer from a rather beautiful bar maid, she asks him if he would like any food? He has a glance at the menu above the bar.

Pie and beans $5.00
Sandwich $4.00
Hand job $10.00

He asks the bar maid, "are you the one giving the hand jobs?". She giggles and winks at the man,...

How can you tell if someone spiked your chocolate pie with alcohol?

The proof is in the pudding.

Finger in the Pie

I robbed a pastry shop in Lombardy

and ended up in custardy

Kids: "There isn't enough sugar in the pumpkin filling!" Dad: "Hey, cooking is an art, not a science..."

"... you can't calculate pie."

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I was making an apple pie and realised I was missing an important ingredient. [long]

I got a rather verbose birthday card some time back containing a story - this is my retelling of it:

I was making an apple pie and realised I was missing an important ingredient.

Unfortunately, I was up to my elbows in sticky mixture and didn't really want to have to go through the faf...

What is a ghosts favorite kind of dessert?

What is a ghosts favorite kind of dessert?

Boo-berry pie!

I love pie.

I could eat it 22/7.

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Last night, I had sex with a piece of pie.

Guess it's now a creampie

What's the difference between Cake and Pie?

Pi day is the same for everyone yet it's only my Cake day today!

Ok... So there might be a few other redditors sharing my day... Happy Cake Day!

A billboard advertising a pie shop read...

'Just 3.14 miles away. '

Food for Thought:

Apple Pie is 3.14 times better than apples by themselves.

What have I named the Pie section of my bakery menu?

Treasure Hunter cus its full of Pie-Rates

What’s an inbred family’s favorite thanksgiving dessert?

Pump-kin pie.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Oatmeal Cream Pie

The most disturbing category in the Grannie Porn collection.

The Trophy Maker (OC - long)

Old Rick Giuseppe was a fifth-generation trophy maker – like his father, grandfather, great grandfather and great great great grandfather before him. Alas, Old Rick Giuseppe’s wife had died a few years ago, and the man lived in solitude, apart from a cat named Jeffery, who was his late wife’s belove...

Waiter! Why does my dessert have a shoe print in it?

Sir, you did say "Apple pie and step on it!"

Chicken pot pie

My three favorite things

I was walking home late one night when I saw dozens of giant cupcakes and pies everywhere. It was kind of scary.

The streets were oddly desserted.

Key lime pie is Barbados costs $3.14 Pecan pie in Jamaica costs $1.59.

Those are the Pi Rates of the Caribbean.

The first time Snoop Dogg bought a pot pie he was probably very disappointed.

I’m sorry but I thought of this and nearly peed myself

A pie costs $2.20 in Jamaica and $1.90 in Cuba.

Does anyone else know the pie rates of the Caribbean?

I drive around and sell pies. Key lime for $8 and pecan pie for $10.

Those are the pie rates of the car I be in.

What's a pumpkin circumference divided by pumpkin diameter?

Pumpkin pie

What do you call a ghost of a pie that you cant throw away because it keeps coming back?

Boo-meringue

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet

Eating her curds and whey.

She stuck in her thumb and pulled out a plum

And said, "I'm in the wrong nursery rhyme!"


Okay, I'll try another one...


Little Jack Horner sat in a corner

Eating his Christmas pie.

Along came a spider who sat down beside him...

What do you call a pie without 3.14?

2.718

Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in cuba for $1.50 and in jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?

Those are the pie rates of the carribean.

A mathematician walks into a diner. He asks the waitress for pie.

She says: " 3.14159 26535 "

My wife sat down with half a pie before dinner.

Me: Are you really planning to eat pie before dinner?

Her: Its only half a pie.

Me: Its still irrational.

I tried to make a pie with fish innards!

It was cod offal.

What do you call an Apple pie that's smoking a joint?

A baked apple pie!

I dropped my pie on the apartment stairs

Now it’s some where between three and four

A Math Joke

The mathematician says, “Pi r squared.”

The baker replies, “No, pies are round. Cakes are square.”

A drunk man at the carnival...

A horribly drunk man stumbled up to a carnival game booth and sloppily picked up the air rifle. On his very first shot he knocked the target down, much to the game operator's astonishment.

"Wow, sir that was amazing," said the operator as he handed the drunkard a live turtle. "You'll be going...

Pirates of the Caribbean joke

A pie in Jamaica is usually 3 dollars. While a pie in the Bahamas is usually 4 dollars.


I know because I have always been a fan of the pie rates of the Caribbean.

A jockey was riding the favourite at a race meeting, and was well ahead of the field.

His horse rounded the final corner, when suddenly the jockey was hit on the head by a turkey and a string of sausages.

He managed to keep control of his mount and pulled back into the lead, only to be struck by a box of Christmas crackers and a dozen mince pies as he went over the last fence....

What's the problem eating too much pumpkin pie this time of year?

You'll get autumn'y ache.

My vegan meat pie recipe

Step 1: Find yourself a fresh vegan...

An apple pie costs $7,95 in Jamaica,

In Cuba you will have to pay $9,90,

Whereas in Barbados you will only spend $4,50

These are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean.

Got a big decision to make in November...

Pumpkin or pecan pie for thanksgiving?

A politician was crossing a pasture when he stepped into something soft.

He immediately stopped and looked down to see his foot completely covered in a large cow-pie.

Standing still, he cried out in terror, "Please someone help me, I'm melting!"

A bakery can only calculate the size of circular cakes...

if their pie are squared.

My flirtatious neighbor called me and said that she bought too many zucchinis and ended up making two cheese and zucchini pies. She said I was welcome to come over and take one, and she also had some left over herbs that I could have.

So I went over, and she told she had just finished reading a Cosmo article called "which traffic sign are you?"



"Which traffic sign would your ideal woman be?" she asked me seductively.



I said " Ain't no particular sign I'm more compatible with I just want your extra t...

Why is my hand like lemon pie

Cause it's got meringue on it.

A math professor is trapped on a deserted island with nothing but a pie

He decides to ration the pie so he can survive for a month, and hopefully someone will have come by then.

He dies a week later cause he ate all the pie in one day.

He should’ve listened to what he told his students

“Pi is irrational”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) Two Iraqi's move to Australia and have a bet who can become the most Australian in a year.

A year later, they meet at the pub and the first Iraqi says "G'day mate! I woke up this morning and had a can of VB and pie and sauce for breakfast. Later on I'm gonna hook up the tinny to the fourby and go fishin with me mates! How's that for fucken Australian!!!"

The other Iraqi looks at h...

A chicken pie in Jamaica costs €2.00 A chicken pie in Trinidad costs €2.15 A chicken pie in St Kitts costs €2.40

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

A lot of people are pretty upset about "fat shaming" jokes these days

Maybe they need to lighten up

When I first realised that the two most fundamental mathematics constants spell pie I nearly died

Couldn't find my epi pen

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate.

The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: ...

A girl from a strict family.

There was a girl from a very strict family. Her father absolutely hated fruits and no one in the family was allowed to eat them. As far as the girl knew her Uncle had died from choking on an apple which is why they were banned.

All through her school years she longed to taste any fruit, s...

I would tell you what happens when you take the 'p' out of pie.

But it explains itself.

How many pies can an explorer eat before they go deaf?

Two: a pie an ear!

Apple pie costs 2$ in Cuba

Pumpkin pie costs 3$ in Jamaica

Banana pie costs 2.5$ in Puerto Rico

These are the PieRates of the Caribbean



Which fruit has a pie in the middle of it?

Papaya

(Puh—pie—yah)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A slice of coconut cream pie is $2.50 in Barbados. It is $2.75 in Trinidad & Tobago. $3.25 on St. Thomas

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

What did the Pie scientist use for their experiment?

A peach tree dish.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joke from my southern grandmother

I haven’t seen this one on here before, but maybe I’ve just missed it. Here goes:

Back yonder in the olden days, little Johnny would have to walk to the school house for class. As with many young children, Johnny was very imaginative and would play pretend with sticks and branches, sword figh...

Apple pie in Jamaica $2.55

Cherry pie in Antigua $4.57

Key Lime Pie in Dominican Republic $3.87

Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

Why were the pirates happy when they washed up on shore and saw cakes, pies, and ice cream?

It was a desserted island.

Not every pies in the world is round, sometimes...

πr ²

I had pie today. What kind of pie?

3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592307816406286 208998628034825342117067982148086513282306647093844609550582231725359408128481 117450284102701938521105559644622948954930381964428810975665933446128475648233 7867831652712019091456485669234603486104543266482133936072602491...

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A Glaswegian is standing in a bus queue eating a meat pie and chips, and this little yappy dog keeps jumping up at him and begging.

So he says to the lady that's got the dog, "Hey there, is it OK if I throw your dog a bit?"

And when she says "Yes," he picks the dog up by the scruff and yeets the fucker thirty yards up the street.

What is a "yankee?"

To those from elsewhere, a Yankee is an American.

To Americans, a Yankee is a Northerner.

To northerners, a Yankee is an Easterner.

To easterners, a Yankee is an New Englander.

To New Englanders, a Yankee is a Vermonter.

And in Vermont, a Yankee is somebody who eat...

What's really good on pie and really awful on people?

Crust

If I have 5 pies in one hand and 6 pies in the other, what do I have?

Adele’s undivided attention

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Simple Simon met a Pie-Man on his way to the fair. Simple Simon said to the Pie-Man "What have you got there?" and the Pie-Man said

"Pies you stupid fuck"

Did you know it's cheaper to buy pies in warm weather climates?

Cherry pie in Jamaica - $4.25
Blueberry pie in Cuba - $3.50

Those are some of the pie-rates of the Caribbean.

[Religion] Why doesn't God like apple pie?

Because he's not real

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